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Lord Menace

Dennis the Menace, 8/27/07

It’s not particularly hard to parse the look Alice is giving Dennis in this panel — I’m pretty sure that something along the lines of “Fine, don’t chew, you’ll just be all the more likely to choke to death so we can be free of you” is running through her head. The fact that she’s wearing a black cocktail dress adds to her aura of icy disdain, but it seems kind of out-of-place at a family dinner for just the three of them. Perhaps this is a glimpse into the alternate-reality version of the strip, Dennis, Viscount of Stokington? That would explain the ultra-formal attire: the whole noble family is supping at their seat, Menacing House, with Henry, the 16th Marquess of Forth and Stoke, despairing that his unruly heir will ever be considered cultured enough to follow in his footsteps to Eton and Oxbridge.

Family Circus, 8/27/07

Hooray for the coloring gnomes, who apparently noticed that the caption here makes reference to “leaves … starting to change” and actually colored the leaves in the background accordingly! That doesn’t forgive the obvious and unexplained dollop of red at the end of Billy’s football, however. The ball is too blunt to stab anybody with, so presumably our little towheaded psychopath killed an innocent in some other way, then dipped the football in the spilled blood, hoping to thereby gain totemic power.

Mary Worth, 8/27/07

Great Jesus Christ, do I want to know why Mary was apparently sitting on Dr. Jeff’s lap while he was doing something “tiresome” at the computer? Or why she has that bizarre, fixed smile on her face? Leaving Jeff to go to bed in what appears to be the middle of the afternoon? Please, take us back to Dr. Drew, with his Star Trek-themed three-way fantasies, I’m begging you.

Momma, 8/27/07

I’m assuming that “– you know — life” is code for “the facts of life” which is in turn code for “the basics of human sexuality and reproduction.” Momma’s clearly right to pick her battles, as nobody, least of all us poor readers, would want to see the how her core values on sexuality — that any woman who has sex before marriage, or enjoys it afterwards, is no better than a common harlot — would be received. But maybe a bit of an explanation would have made things better for her son.

Pluggers, 8/27/07

Normally I just snicker immaturely at pluggers from my elevated position as an East Coast cultural elitist, but today’s installment strikes me as quite poignant. As our plugger hero stirs with furrowed brow, he almost seems to be saying a little prayer: Please, Lord, let me poop tonight. Please. I try to be a good person. I think it’s been nearly a week.

258 responses to “Lord Menace”

  1. Dingo
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Hey, y’gotta love the Fiber Train.

  2. scan
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    It’s still August, judging by the color of the trees, it appears to be because of drought not the upcoming fall changes.

  3. Tukla in Iowa
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    5 PM cocktail? Isn’t that pretty elitist for a plugger? I figured they just started swilling Old Milwaukee Lite when their day of plugging is over — the ones with jobs, anyway.

  4. Tabby Lavalamp
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Pfff. With their diets, you’d think that Pluggers have spent most of their lives, er, plugged up.

    Is it just me, or in the third panel is Marylou wondering just who the hell it is that Momma is lecturing?

  5. Kate
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Pluggers is brought to you by an East Coast cultural elitist. Or whatever they have in Walpole, MA.

  6. Sanity Clause
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    JP: I don’t think the wine country air is agreeing with Sophie. It looks in panel 3 as if she’s aged about 20 years. Maybe it’s all the extra UVA and UVB and climate change and stuff. Or maybe it’s just the glasses …

  7. MossMoses
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Apparently Doc Jeff sold his former McMansion and moved into a humble log cabin so he could donate the profits from the sale to the SACPAOF (Southeast Asian Cleft Palette and Agent Orange Foundation). It’s tiresome sitting at a computer all day, especially with 150 lbs of meddling biddy sitting on your lap. Mary certainly looks lovely with that demonic smile and the wonder bread wrapper outfit. All she’s lacking is the little neck scarf. Doc Jeff should use some of the proceeds from the SACPAOF to buy a replacement for that 12″ monochrome monitor he’s using.

  8. Ribinin
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    DtM - With the rolls in a basket and the rose on the table, I suspect that Alice is leading up to getting a little “life” after Dennis is in bed, and does NOT want to be sidetracked.

    In other words, she wants it BAD.

  9. Mack
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Dude, I edit romance novels for a living, and I would totally read a traditional Regency in which Dennis grows up to be a well-known rake and scoundrel before dumping the catty Duchess Margaret and redeeming himself with Lady, um, Italian Girl Whose Name I Can’t Remember. Meanwhile, Joey is the effeminate dandy who commits suicide after being brought in on buggery charges.

  10. Irishgrapes
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or is Momma grabbing that scalding hot tray from the oven with her bare hands? Furthermore, how did it change from a flat baking sheet in panel two with what appears to be a cupcake on it into full blown lasagna baking pan in panel three?

  11. gh
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Hey, #5 Kate –

    Glad I previewed before posting or I’d be apologizing for stepping on your toes. I’m reduced to mentioning that, for once, Pluggers is about someone[thing] that is actually plugged.

  12. mattt
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    #9 Mack: Gina.

  13. MossMoses
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    1. Dingo, isn’t that referred to as the “hershey fiber highway”? With Metamucil it’s my way AND the highway!

  14. P-Supe
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Whoah. Dennis’s mom looks hot. This looks like a job for Charlie Studley of “Pluggers” write-in fame.

  15. rhonda from kansas
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Irishgrapes #10

    “Momma” is so poorly drawn it’s a waste of time to try to make sense of it. Just avert your eyes.

  16. syl
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    3.Tukla

    If you notice, the unfortunate, down-home, country wise plugger who sent in this entry lives in the bastion of east coast liberal snobbery, Massachusetts. No doubt, his 5 pm cocktail is one of many small adaptations a plugger must make to live in such a place, where the street lights are made from burning bibles and the parks are full of illegal immigrants having gay sex atop piles of aborted fetuses.

  17. Girl Reporter
    August 27th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Is Dr. Cory the Elder’s computer a Tandy?

  18. Dennis Jimenez
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    VIC 20

  19. Lame Name
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Hooray, we’re back!

    I had been right in the middle of posting a response to Syl, composed of many bwas and has and noting that he (she?) forgot to mention the fountain shaped like Jesus giving Mary a golden shower that the city is building and paying for with the 90 percent of your income they collect in taxes. I suspect the evilness of this snark was what temporarily brought down the site.

  20. Alice
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Dennis, Viscount of Stokington

    You know, just changing the name suddenly makes me want to read the strip for the first time in ages. Well, not really, but it does make it somewhat more interesting.

  21. britbike
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Josh, not that it really matters, but I think you meant to say “Eton”.

  22. bats :[
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    7. MossMoses: I think Dr. Jeff is a Plugger at heart…he’s as rich and well off as a troll, but he keeps the weenie little monitor from the early 90s because “it’s still good…”.

    MT: sure, Mark Trail will champion Homer right up until the ducks chickens come home to roost:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1251606039/

  23. Yuudai
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    I can’t tell if Momma is addressing the audience or Marylou in the last panel… Of course the question was about explaining “life” to HER specifically, and not to the general hussies running around…
    Yeah, I’m pretty sure Momma just called her daughter a slut and is refusing to look her in the eye while doing it.

  24. Mumbles
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: why does every Mary Worth strip read like it was written in English, put through a translator program of a random foreign language, and then translated back again?

    Pluggers: Walpole is actually a nice little town, not that far from Boston. It is home to the state correctional facility tho, which I guess has its share of “pluggers”, just not the kind the comic strip people mean. Unless the strip is running in the Village Voice.

  25. Dik-Dik Vendetta
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Billy is actually carrying his football trophy, which he just used to brain Dolly and Jeffy. “Who wants to play football,” is what he says to lure other unsuspecting youths to meet their bloody and violent demise amidst the gently falling leaves of autumn.

  26. Darkefang
    August 27th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Archie: The third panel answers no questions, but raises many: Is Jughead levitating? How did Pop manage to squeeze Jughead through those tiny doors? How does Pop even get in and out of his restaurant, what with the tiny door factor? Where is the pedestrian’s left foot? Since when is a fedora, a Back-to-the-Future vest jacket, highwaters and flip-flops an acceptable outfit to wear in public?

    DT: Oh good, this storyline was getting a little too eventful. Now we’re back to repeating things.

    GT: The summer “B” plot has been about boxing, and still the only punch we’ve seen thrown was by Kaz when he went out to a bar after a concert.

    JP: They are unaware that Sophie is listening. They are also apparently unaware that she’s also stolen their grandmother’s eyeglasses.

    Luann: Judging from what I’m seeing in panel two, whoever draws Luann has been looking at too much of the artwork in Judge Parker and Rex Morgan lately.

    Also, who writes “Chapters 5, 6-9″? Did Bruce Tinsley take over the strip and slip that in as a continuation of his “I hate teachers” theme from last weeks Mallard Fillmore?

    MF: Would it be as patronizing as an Ivy-League educated politician, who grew up in New Hampshire and Washington DC, using a Texan accent for the last eight years.

    MT: It’s already been pointed out, but Homer is the foreman? He must be a hell of a leader. The other guys in the crew treated him so badly, I’d assumed he was a new pledge in the Lost Forest U chapter of Kappa Delta Tau.

    MW: Wow, Dr. Jeff has completely given up, hasn’t he? He immediately tells her to drive home safely, since he knows there’s no chance she’ll be spending the night there.

    Phantom: Oh good, the Phantom gets to endanger more kids. He exposed the last group to machine-wielding mercenaries. Maybe this groups adventure with The Phantom will involve large open vats of nuclear waste? Or perhaps he’ll buy them all toys made in China?

    Pluggers:Well, this can be said for about 3/4s of the Plugger strips, but:

    Pluggers like to poop!

    RMMD: All these years I thought Orville Redenbacher was dead. It turns out he just switched careers and became a rocket scientist.

    SF: The coloring monkeys ruined today’s strip. So good job on that one, guys.

  27. Rainbird
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #8 Ribinin
    DtM I just assume that Alice had gotten so bad-shit bored with her stay-at-home mom life, that she dressed up like that for fun. She never gets to go out, and..yes, I guess she really does want ti bad.

    She shoudl have just drugged the little dude, and put him to bed.

  28. markmcgoo
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    It’s funny how Cory the Elder basically just kicks Mary out as soon as he got some action. Next time they meet his only response to her will probably be “Just give me a blowjob and leave!”

  29. Lou Shumaker
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Unfortunately for Mary, those spots on her dress weren’t there when she came.

  30. Kate
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    #11 gh — If I said something you would have said, then I am proud. If I said something that you did say, then I would be prouder.

    Wait. Okay. Contrary-to-fact statements bump the speaker one level back in time. If I had said something that you did say, then I would be prouder? Or then I would have been prouder? Crap.

  31. Mike
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Plugged-Up Plugger Dog could have the best of both worlds by dumping a spoonful of Metamusil into a tumbler of scotch.

  32. t007
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: Not a very subtle way of saying, “No sex for you miss noseypants! Get on home!”

  33. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    NYer Post!

    The Winning One: So. Much. Outrage. “Outside the rock?!” I want to go kill someone now.

    The Nominees: Blech again. But at least there’s not a pun on “a leg to stand on” or some other such boxcar, so I’ll take what I can get.

    The New One: Red’s “evolver” punchline from yesterthread is [margo]ing awesome, as are many of the others. In a lame attempt to follow up:

    Y’know, the Ice Age is coming up, and it does seem pretty warm in there … I think what we’ve discovered is happiness.

    So if virgins go in volcanoes, what do you suppose goes in here?

    I think I see Charlton Heston.

  34. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    The Divine O’F, last thread. Your NYer caption made me laugh. That means it will never win.

    Luann. I couldn’t see any difference between what Luann wrote in her notebook and what was written on the board. I assume from the context that she’s about to study the wrong chapters. HARDEE HAR HAR! What a laugh-fest.

    FC. It’s true that the football is too blunt to stab anyone, but Billy could still bludgeon small animals with it. I imagine him pounding some poor frog flat, all the while screaming “DIE DOLLEY! DIE JEFFY! DIE PJ! DIE DIE DIE!”

  35. Lammergeier13
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Aw crap, here we go!

    FOOB: Ok, horse-lady just called April a horse’s ass… or a horse’s leg, its neck, or genetalia. She wasn’t very specific.

  36. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    33. SecretMargo.

    “I think I see Charlton Heston.”

    BWAHAHAHA!

  37. Mack
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    12 mattt – Thanks!

  38. kerewin
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Re: Momma – I think the debate of “life” comes down more to the idea of when life starts. So basically she’s telling her daughter that if she had but known that abortion was a viable option, she wouldn’t have any kids. That might explain the look on the face of the daughter in panel three.

  39. FreshHell
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary condescendingly spurns poor, useless Old Dr. Cory’s plaintive pitch for some sack time with her. How long will he continue to batter at that impenetrable fortress of ice??

  40. adrian
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Wow Mary Worth doesn’t mess around.

    Well at least not when it comes to matters of the groin, as opposed to matters of the heart.

  41. Poteet
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    # 33 — SecretMargo, the Heston caption is inspired. Truly.

  42. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    COMICS CHARACTER COUNTER-POINT
    Today’s guest-commentator: Henry Hounddog from Pluggers(tm).

    Howdy, Folks.
    Gosh, it sure did rain this mornin’. Flower bed like to have gotten all flooded.
    Had to take my Metamucil before dinner. I don’t do that, Doc says i’ll get all plugged up. Don’t wanna get all plugged up.
    Hey, I coulda made a joke there…”plugged-up”….i’m in Pluggers(tm)….
    You watch the fire, sometimes you can see characters and people in it….better than television anyday, i’ll tell ya.
    Those My Cage critters….they think they’re so smart….well, they’re not. They’re just folks too. That Maureen sure is a fox, though. I like Maureen. She needs a reliable husband. She’s got a daughter, you know. I’d like to have kids.
    Yankees are lookin’ real good for the series this year. That A-Rod is somethin’ else.
    Well, thank ya.
    Henry Hounddog

    The views expressed in Comics Character Counter-Point do not necessarily reflect the views of Comics Curmudgeon, Josh Fruhlinger, Jamus T. Bartender, WordPress, or any of it’s various entrants and sponsors.

  43. BigTed
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    So I guess Pluggers aren’t just befuddled and lower-middle-class, they’re also old. They can remember a time when life was fun, the world seemed new, and their bowels were regular. And that’s just sad. When you think about it, they’re about halfway through the male-comics-character life cycle that leads from promise and possibility to impotence and decay: Dennis, Archie, Dagwood, Plugger, Lockhorn, They’ll-Do-It-Every-Timer, Crankshaft, mulch.

  44. FreshHell
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    You are a plugger if your 5 p.m. cocktail HAS BECOME a glass of fiber. What was your cocktail before you got old and your pooper stopped working? What kind of plugger job did you have that allowed you to have a cocktail at 5? Were you on the night shift and that was the first of your “tone-up” drinks to prepare yourself for 8 hours of soul-destroying labor for the Man?? Or did you keep a bottle in your desk at your miserable daytime job and hit the good old booze the instant the clock hit 5??

    Why can’t you still drink to drown out the stinking clamor of misery in your huge plugger head AND drink a poop supplement? Last time I checked a couple of stiff pops wasn’t constipative. Why not a Vodka and Metamuscil??

    Why do I have to do all the thinking for these animal dimwits???

  45. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    34: Brown-eyed Girl: Y’know, I read the comments yesterthread before reading the comics themselves today, and I saw a bit of commotion about Luann, but I don’t think anyone mentioned this possiblity when trying to decode it: the “punchline” looks to me to be that she mistook the “5″ for an “s” (she’s been texting too much with Marvin lately, it seems), so instead of Chapter 5, 6-9, she wrote down Chapters 6-9. I guess that means that instead of studying sections (or, even more bizarrely, pages?) 6-9 of Chapter 5, she’ll be studying the entirety of the next four chapters. So she’ll be doing an exorbitantly larger amount of studying than her classmates? On more advanced subjects? I guess? Ha ha, Luann is stupid because her teacher’s handwriting is oddly ambiguous? And he doesn’t vocalize his assignments, only writes them, then points? Does he do this when he goes on a date too? Just pushes a napkin across the table saying “When we get home, we will do this,” and then leans back to wait for the slap?

  46. BigTed
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Sitting at your computer all day is tiring. Mary is tiresome. Get it right, overeducated wealthy people.

  47. Mibbitmaker
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    4th Wall Momma: Did Momma just read the entire abortion debate the riot act? Cool!

    Next, she’ll berate the culture wars directly to the reader! GO, MOMMA! (Now, I can just be bored by “Momma” 90% of the time)

    FC: All Billy needs is the football as a blunt object, and to bash his victim a huge number of times. That’s how he got rid of all the pets!

    I(?)GT: Bill’s opponent is a fan of the
    Golden Age Cartoons” website? Aw, that’s a cool place, it shouldn’t be represented by a “sympathetic” character’s adversary!

    Cranky: This strip just did old school FW. More of this, Mule!

  48. Cedar
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Hey, could someone tell me the answer to yesterday’s Slylock Fox? I’m assuming it has something to do with the cut-out on the floor beneath the statue, yes?

  49. Cedar
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Also, I really like the drawing by the kid in Sunday’s SFx. I mean it–it’s a cool style. I especially dig the shadowing.

  50. John Robie
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    My God, that Momma is disturbing, the way both characters turn to stare down the viewer in the last panel in bizarre accusation.

  51. Charles
    August 27th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    #26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10″. It’s annoyingly funny.

  52. FreshHell
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    MW – And what’s with Ol’ Doc Cory’s cupped right hand in panel 2? I can’t think of anything he could be preparing to do with that hand that isn’t deliciously filthy and a pretty good time for Mary. Look at the body language Mary! He is pining to sample your sweet, sweet treasure.

    But Mary’s body language says “I have to scram. I’m not putting out for this demented old coot until he puts me in the will.”

    Rich with the gritty conflict or real people and their real problems. Good old MW

  53. Cedar
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    #52 If you look closely, you can see the hand is resting on a cane, or a pipe or something

  54. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about Dr. Jeff, but that’s one bitchin’ fish.

  55. FreshHell
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    53 – Dang, another MW fantasy shot to hell.

  56. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    #26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10?. It’s annoyingly funny.

    And then there are dumb-ass law students like myself who read “Ch. 1 and 2, pp. 1-17, 48-67″ as “Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, 1-17, and then 48-67,” not realizing until I was done with Chapters 1 and 2 that the page numbered assignments were within Chapters 1 and 2, and I didn’t need to read the whole chapters. Spending seven hours reading, highlighting and taking notes on 90 unnecessary pages, even before the first day of classes. God, I’m gonna be a great lawyer. ::sigh::

  57. anais ninja
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    For the 6th day in a row (and this is also not the first plotline in which this has occurred) the so-called female duck has male markings due to uninformed colorists.
    However, in today’s strip, the woman in the second panel has been clearly and correctly demarcated as female by her blue-black hair and sexy pink polo shirt.

  58. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    #26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10?. It’s annoyingly funny.

    And then there are dumb-ass law students like myself who read “Ch. 1 and 2, pp. 1-17, 48-67″ as “Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, 1-17, and then 48-67,” not realizing until I was done with Chapters 1 and 2 that the page numbered assignments were within Chapters 1 and 2, and I didn’t need to read the whole chapters. Spending seven hours reading, highlighting and taking notes on 90 unnecessary pages, even before the first day of classes. God, I’m gonna be a great lawyer. ::sigh::

  59. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    #26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10?. It’s annoyingly funny.

    And then there are dumb-ass law students like myself who read “Ch. 1 and 2, pp. 1-17, 48-67″ as “Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, 1-17, and then 48-67,” not realizing until I was done with Chapters 1 and 2 that the page numbered assignments were within Chapters 1 and 2, and I didn’t need to read the whole chapters. Spending seven hours reading, highlighting and taking notes on 90 unnecessary pages, even before the first day of classes. God, I’m gonna be a great lawyer. ::sigh::

  60. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    #26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10?. It’s annoyingly funny.

    And then there are dumb-ass law students like myself who read “Ch. 1 and 2, pp. 1-17, 48-67″ as “Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, 1-17, and then 48-67,” not realizing until I was done with Chapters 1 and 2 that the page numbered assignments were WITHIN Chapters 1 and 2, and I didn’t need to read the whole chapters. Spending seven hours reading, highlighting and taking notes on 90 unnecessary pages, even before the first day of classes. God, I’m gonna be a great lawyer. ::sigh::

  61. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    “#26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10?. It’s annoyingly funny.”

    And then there are dumb-ass law students like myself who read “Ch. 1 and 2, pp. 1-17, 48-67″ as “Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, 1-17, and then 48-67,” not realizing until I was done with Chapters 1 and 2 that the page numbered assignments were WITHIN Chapters 1 and 2, and I didn’t need to read the whole chapters. Spending seven hours reading, highlighting and taking notes on 90 unnecessary pages, even before the first day of classes. God, I’m gonna be a great lawyer. ::sigh::

  62. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    “#26, I’ve actually had one or two college instructors who would write stuff like “Chapters 5, 6-9, 10?. It’s annoyingly funny.”

    And then there are dumb-ass law students like myself who read “Ch. 1 and 2, pp. 1-17, 48-67″ as “Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, 1-17, and then 48-67,” not realizing until I was done with Chapters 1 and 2 that the page numbered assignments were WITHIN Chapters 1 and 2, and I didn’t need to read the whole chapters. Spending seven hours reading, highlighting and taking notes on 90 unnecessary pages, even before the first day of classes. God, I’m gonna be a great lawyer. *sigh*

  63. Mibbitmaker
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    GA: Bad news, Clovia: Slim is being tended to by the same hospital that handled Lisa Moore’s cancer situation. (I wonder if she’ll bump into Dr. Drew Cory on the way out?)

    Archie: Did Pops just wink and scowl at the same time, or is he twitching as if kids playing basketball kept him up all night?

    DT: “Tracy, hang on! They want us dead! Or they’re entering us in a stunt driving show, I’m not sure which.”

    JP: … and Sophie is also taping the conversation. She’s been studying about Rosemary Woods on the side last school year.

    Ziggy: “We’re out of amusing, little man. May I interest you in pedestrian?”

  64. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Catching up with yesterthread’s comments again…

    gh @ 149 yesterthread wrote:

    OBH: Just what sort of relationship does James have with spaghetti, which he “likes” but has never “had?” He simply admires it from afar?

    My assumption was that, like many kids, his experience with spaghetti was limited to the “-O’s” variety. Still, that could have been made clearer.

  65. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    (resisting the urge to make fun of law students’ inability to operate a comment board….)

    Kidding, kidding, Herro! I mean no offence, it can happen to anyone.

  66. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Herro! @ 56, 58, 59-61, 62: And then there are law students who post the same thing to a blog six times.

    Don’t worry, it’s good practice. When you become a lawyer, you’ll be able to bill all six of those separately.

  67. VALIS
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Herro!, out of curiosity how would you interpret this: p. 56, 58-62?

    he he he

  68. Kate
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Herro!

    … aw, hellwiddit, everyone said what I was gonna anyway.

  69. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    * in his best John Houseman voice* Herro! Here is a dime. I want you to call your mother, and tell her you will never learn how to work a computer.
    * snickers* i’m sorry….I couldn’t resist. Check out The Paper Chase from your local RST Video, you’ll love it.

  70. Mariko
    August 27th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    So, after reading today’s Funky Winkerbean, I started wondering–does Lisa send her other child off to school? You’d think they would have more interaction, since she’s, y’know, dying and all.
    Seriously, though, with all the deaths and tragedies and interconnected characters, I suspect that Batiuk has secretly placed Westview High School smack dab in the middle of Yoknapatawpha county.

  71. Rainbird
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Regaring the NYer caption contest. I forgot who said in in yesterthread, but the best one was ‘And you thought the Big Bang was a theory.” Whomever wrote that, should enter it.

    And someone had one about the Beatles Revolver, but I didn’t see the whole caption. Was it just a thought.

    Personally, I think the cartoon looks stupid.

    I wonder if they do the caption contest when the cartoonis submits really stupid cartoons, where the punchline doesn’t work, and the powers that be say ‘That would be great for a catpion contest.

  72. Groddeck
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Here are three for the NY’er caption contest (all a little similar):

    1. “I have no idea how, but I think we have to escalate”.

    2. “We’re going to have to put that evolution thing on the fast track”.

    3. “Damn. Mammoth prints. We’re screwed.”

    By the way, if you say #71′s typo “catpion” out loud, it sounds like “cat pee on”.

  73. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    71: That was The Divine O’F’s, and I agree, it’s awesome. I think she said she submitted it, so we’ll just have to wait to be outraged soon.

    And I also agree that this week’s cartoon, as a cartoon, is subpar: too nonsensical to really make a very coherent joke out of, yet too specific to capitalize on any possible ambiguity and come up with much that would be surprising (another reason why the D O’F’s caption manages to be funny — it’s actually unexpected, yet not arbitrary. Kudos).

  74. TurtleBoy
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: As the self-appointed official CC Pluggers/TDIET demographer, I feel obligated to point out that while Josh makes reference to his own “East Coast cultural elitism” in disdaining Pluggers, interestingly enough today’s Pluggers is only the second panel in the past three months (roughly 80 panels) submitted from the New England census division, an area which has fewer than 1/5 the expected number of Pluggers submissions, when based solely on population.

    Just sayin’.

  75. PInk Haired Girl
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus is not the least bit funny if you live in Nebraska. Here, football season goes year round. I have lived in Nebraska all my life and I still don’t understand what the big deal is about huge men running at each other (to quote Bloom County) “Like drunk goats.”

    End of rant.

  76. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

  77. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Some people think bartending is an endless series of one-liners, and gorgeous women waiting in line to go to bed with you. Well, for me it is, but most of the time,it’s just like any other gig. Mindlessly making simple drinks, while counting out change, doing this for six hours a night. Tonight was no different.
    Wiley from the post-apocalyptic Christian alternate future had called me, asking if I could fill in at his bar. It’s a nice place, three rocks, a small one acting as a barstool, a bigger one, the bar itself, and a huge boulder, complete with shelves for a few stone jars of….well, I knew rum had to be one of them. Anyway, one of his patrons…Thor, I think…asked for something cold and full of rum, to which Wiley replied, “The Fat Broad will be in at ten’o clock”. But the Fat Broad wasn’t in at ten. She was in much earlier. Just in time to hear Wiley toss of his bon mot which had cost him the use of his one good working leg, both arms, and a few ribs. He conceded that he had gotten off lucky, and anyway, could I fill in for him?
    After asking GE Chennux to take the local wormhole to the Far Apocalyptic Future, B.C., he said “SURE THING…”, beamed me down via teleporter to WIley’s Bar.
    Well, you couldn’t have asked for a more picturesque surrounding. I don’t work in many bars which are surrounded by pterodactyls and active volcanoes. Well, that time in Hawaii, but I digress.
    Five hours into my shift of pouring drinks for Fred Flintstone, Alley Oop, and the man, B.C, himself, who kept asking me if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, to which I answered, “I keep meaning to, but I just got busy…” figuring he had never seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer ever, I thankfully got a call on my cell phone….it’s amazing, walk into a building and it’s next to useless, but I still get calls centuries into the future.
    A mysterious voice said over the static, “If you go visit the Anchorage Museum Of Antiquities, visit the Egyptian Cat display, the one surrounded by lasers, you’ll have a suprise waiting for you.”
    “Slylock, is that you? ” I asked. He quickly hung up.
    I don’t know what he’s up to. We have a girlfriend…well, make that ex-girlfriend in common, so now he thinks that somehow “bonds” us. I dunno. Personally, I think he needs professional help. Anyway, Chennux picks me up after the shift, I ask him to drop me off in Anchorage.
    “TROUBLE WITH TRACY?” he asks me.
    “I don’t think so, Chennux. At least, not so far as I know…”
    It’s midnight, and i’m waiting by this golden cat, surrounded by various Egyptian ticky tackies. It’s supposed to belong to a pharoah, honestly don’t care which one. My Curmudgeon credentials get me into the museum after closing, accompanied by a security guard named Clem with bad hearing and even worse gastrointestinal problems. Clem is a bear. I mean, a real, live bear, he’s showing me pictures of his grandkids who love him to death, and he’s talking about how the Yankees are gonna take it all the way when we hear it.
    The creak of glass cutters on the open transom above the Golden Cat.
    A lithe figure slides in. I put my finger to my lips, point to where the figure shimmies down a cable. Clem starts to draw his gun, but anticipating a scene from Andy Griffith where Barney is admonished to keep his bullet in his pocket, I place my hand on Clem’s huge paw, shake my head, and mouth the words, ” I’ll check it out.”
    The figure slides up, around, under, and through the battery of lasers like Catherine Zeta-Jones in that movie with Sean Connery. I knew a person who could move like that. She proved it to me when I woke up to an apartment of no furniture.
    I thought of calling out, “The jig’s up” or, “It’s all over. I’ve called the police”, but I eventually decided on, “Hello, Cassandra”
    The figure turned her masked head towards me, removed her stocking, her blue eyes like rich men’s swimming pools looked at me. She was surrounded by lasers that would cut her in half if she moved half a foot in either direction.
    “Jamus. Hi, baby. Listen, could you be a dear, and turn off the security lasers? I got stuck in here looking for my car keys, like a little silly…”
    I simply rolled my eyes. ” Sure thing Cass. Soon as I get my wrist televison back. Or did you sell that for coke too?”
    Cass giggled like a little girl. ” Goddamn thing was useless. All I got were pictures of some drunk babbling on about a family of Canadians who sent him up the river….c’mon, turn off the lasers..”
    I walked over to the control panel, opened the steel door, but did not flip any switches. “You came to steal the Golden Cat, didn’t you, Cass? I got a call from our mutual friend. He’d love to see you behind bars. I don’t really need that. Knowing you, you’d get a kick out of it anyway. Probably end up running the place. Or providing the script for Caged Heat 3.”
    Cassandra scowled at me and bared her teeth. “How’s your comic strip pals doing, Jamus? Did Dr Drew screw Vera yet? Do you like reading Hello, Kitty? Did Sam sell the winery yet?”
    Smiling, I ran my hand up and down the control panel, “:Damn, someone’s in a mood. You gotta loosen up a bit Cass. Lay off the coke before a job.”
    Cass pouted, “I’m sorry baby. Freddy the Fence says he’ll pay me ten grand easy money for this job. But he’ll beat the shit out of me if I don’t get it to him. C’mon. You gotta help me baby. I’ll make it worth your while. Fifty, fifty.”
    I did the math in my head. “Not interested”
    “Okay, sixty-forty, i’ll replace the furniture and the wrist radio…plus…” she twitched her tail, and all eight breasts stood at attention through the jumpsuit…” Some extra benefits,” she said, drawing out the S in benefits for five minutes.
    I shut down the lasers….she ran towards me, wrapping her arms around me, and slid her tail in places not approved of by the Comics Code Authority…..

    ————————————————————————–
    The next thing I knew, I woke up in a police interrogation room, being shown a videotape of me laying akimbo aside the display stand where once stood the Golden Cat, a certain cat running away with it, after hitting me on the head with it. I felt in my pockets…and found it. A new note saying, “I’m sorry again,baby—C”
    Ah well, Josh’ll get me a lawyer after the roller-derby. Maybe Herro! will represent me. Maybe not, after that John Houseman crack.
    Meantime, I was escorted to my cell. One of two cells, by the deputy sherriff of Anchorage whose name was…swear to God…Nannook. Deputy Nannook. Cool guy. He apologized in advance, and I saw why when he introduced me to my cellmate….

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: How Fucking Funny Is It When Your New Cellmate Turns Out To Be That Smartass Bartender….

    HAWWWWWWWWWWWW, HAW , HAW, HAW, HAW ,HAWW…..Oh, hell, I need whiskey….NANNOOK…..SOME WHISKEY, GODDAMMIT.

  78. Claudia LL
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Well, how do you know there ain’t more people sitting on the side of the table you can’t see? Huh? HUH!?

  79. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Herro, however unwittingly; and Skullturf, Spider-Brick, VALIS, Kate and Jamus for cheering me up when I needed it very, very much. I love this place.

  80. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

  81. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    79. Anytime, Fable, anytime.
    Oh, and could you please get me the hell out of here?
    Dick smells of whiskey and blubber. It’s all he’s had to eat since he got in. I don’t know why, there’s a perfectly good Burger King across the street….

  82. Poteet
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers — (warning, grossness ahead, you may want to turn back now) — I can’t believe I’m about to feebly sort of talk about this, but poor diet and/or advanced years are not always to blame for the Pluggers problem, so to speak. There is such a thing as a very shy colon that does not adapt well, psychologically, to group toilet facilities shared by strangers. One of my parental units suffered from it, and I inherited the curse. If I had known that ahead of time, I would have carried a large supply of Metamucil to Poland in 1985. Nine days. I’ll stop there.

  83. Bitter Scribe
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    I like how Momma, in panel three, grits her accusation directly out at the reader, in a frosty tone (or whatever those little squiggles at the bottom of the speech balloon are supposed to signify). “Yes, nowadays the facts of life would be a debate, because people have differing opinions, not like my day where we all believed the same things and anyone who didn’t was a rotten slut!

  84. Big Sims, The Good Natured Roadblock
    August 27th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Future Strips for Hon. Denis Viscount of Stokington.

    “Denis, one passes the port to the right.”

    “Ruff is an article of clothing, not a hound.”

    “Associating with the Wilsons and little Italian strumpet Gina is paramount to hobnobbing with the great unwashed – I absolutely forbid it.”

    Noblesse oblige m’dear boy, you need not like Margaret, but you shall not marry outside your station.”

  85. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Mongo Jerry! ….Jamus, AeroSquid, heck all of you Mudges! It just gets better and better around here!

  86. Gagott68
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I’m just glad that the 5, 6-9 notation irritated everyone else as much as it did me.

    FC: Alas, I am color-blind (red-green) and cannot see the blood splattered football. A decade of waiting for an interesting FC and I can’t enjoy it.

  87. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    #81 Jamus – I could ‘borrow’ an evac helicopter and fly some of my ninja goats up there to spring you. (Who needs opposable thumbs when goats have remarkably nimble muzzles that can pick your pocket and those totally virtuous faces?) Don’t worry, we don’t use old hippie vets to do our flying.

    We’ll be up there in no time. I’ll get Nibbles to lift the chopper keys tonight!

    TF

  88. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Gagott68 @ #86 FC: Alas, I am color-blind (red-green) and cannot see the blood splattered football. Does that mean you can’t see any of my posts? Veal!

  89. Gagott68
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    # 88: Did someone say something?

  90. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Herro! Cheer up! After the first year you can stop reading all together. After the second year, you can stop attending classes. Once I realized those two things, my law school career became far more enjoyable. And I got the stupid JD. And I passed the stupid bar. And I found someone stupid enough to hire me.

    Just remember, once you become “one of us” (or really “one of them,” cause I don’t do that lawyer thing no more), you can hire people to post your comments for you.

  91. Jonathan
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    This blog rocks! I just discovered it. If your readers would like to check out a comic strip in the making, they can visit my blog at:

    http://thecrumbles.blogspot.com

    I promise they will be at least mildly amused. (OK, I can’t really promise that, but oh well.)

  92. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    #87 Or yeah, we can go your bail, sure. Only the goats REEAAaallly wanted to go on a mission. :-)

  93. Gagott68
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    # 90: First year the scare you to death. Second year they work you to death. Third year they bore you to death.

    /s/ Gagott68 by Minion#1

  94. Gagott68
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Minion#1, you’re fired.

    *First year [they] scare you to death…

    /s/ Gagott68 by Minion#2

  95. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: Why does today’s episode of Fists o’ Justice look like a scene out of Billy Jack ? Billy Jack ? C’mon you remember Billy Jack ! The fat white guy sent his son Posner (in his Trans Am) to clear out the hippys. It had a cool sound track…*ahem*

    Go ahead and hate your neighbor

    Go ahead and kill a duck

    Do it in the name of prog-ress.

    Here come the Fist O’ Justice….DUCK !

    blablabla……On tin soldier rides awaaaaaay….on a duck.

  96. Pony McFlattop
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Gagott68 @ #89 —-Can you hear me now? (and understand me later?)

  97. Gagott68
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #96: Hans? Franz? I have a sudden urge for Vitello Al Limone.

  98. AhClem
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #82 Poteet -
    Nine days! I’d refer to you as “Brown-eyed Girl” but that name is already taken.

  99. Pony McFlattop
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Gagott68 @ #97— May I suggest a nice Rose Verdeposto?

  100. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Re #72 Groddeck:

    Can we have a “cat pee on contest”?

  101. Slither
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    OMG! Alice Mitchell in a Little Black Dress! And does she ever look HOT! As soon as dinner’s over and Dennis is put to bed, I wonder if Henry is going to break out the champagne and meet Alice in the bedroom with that rose in his teeth?

  102. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    My New Yorker winning caption:

    “I’ll NEVER be able to fit this in my mouth !”

  103. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    DtM: What we are NOT seeing is Alice Mitchell’s pointy knee high PVC boots and Pony Girl Tail Plug that Master Mitchell is making her wear.

  104. Jonathan
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Ha! It is funny that law students are posting here. I am a new attorney myself. It is good that you have interests other than law — you will probably be a happier lawyer.

  105. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure Frank Cotham’s intentions were good, but he fucked up that cartoon big time. The other side of the gravestone bears the stirring words “Out of my cold, dead hands” Johnny Hart February 18, 1931 – April 7, 2007 …Me go sleepy bye now!

  106. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    #140 Jonathan – You’re a new attorney and a budding cartoonist? You’re going to go hungry this winter, my lad.

    (so says someone from Roopville; I have no room to talk!)

    :-)

  107. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    #104, not 140.

    I fail at other things, too!

  108. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    102: AeroSquid — HA!

  109. Godzooky
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    NYer Caption Contest: “Except for a single very powerful radio emission aimed at Jupiter, the four-million year old monolith has remained completely inert.”

    (Oh, never mind. AeroSquid FTW)

  110. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    87. Thanks, Truman. I may have to take you up on that, but Dick’s got a few choice things to say, some of them about today’s comics.

  111. Jonathan
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    I guess that I don’t have an expectation of getting paid for toons. I do it for fun! Money would be nice too! That would be nice to have a weekly cartoon in AAN papers like Tom the Dancing Bug or Slowpoke.

  112. anameimadeup
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Chuck Studley is my new porn name.

  113. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Show me a cat peon, and I’ll show you a feline that’ll work their ass off for a saucer full of Peanut Noir. I daresay, I fucking hate Mondays!
    Aloha Nui.

  114. Lowest Common Denominator
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    With a suggester named Charlie Studley, that comic by all rights should’ve defined Plugger Viagra (a can of spray starch and an Aspirin)

  115. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    95. I remember Billy Jack well. And it’s prequel Born Losers. And it’s sequels, The Trial Of Billy Jack, where some of the Freedom School students got shot, and Billy Jack Goes To Washington, which never made it into theaters, and the plot was lifted from Mr Smith Goes To Washington.
    It was on CBS one night….after some beers, Dad said, “Here, son, ‘ere’s a REAL superhero.” For five minutes I thought it was a docu-drama. It’s still cool today. “You know what i’m gonna do….just for the hell of it? I’m gonna put this foot….right on the side of your head here….and you know what? There’s not gonna be a damned thing you can do about it.”

  116. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    114: Can we just be thankful that he wasn’t the one who submitted the recent “Plugger facial” suggestion?

  117. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 27th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    NYer contest: “Quick! Call Bush and tell him we found what he was looking for!”

    Hmm, doesn’t explain why they’re cavemen, though. Well crap, back to the drawing board. Er… message board.

  118. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    #111 Jonathan – I’m right with ya, man.

    #113 Red Greenback – Peanut Noir is the wine of choice here in Georgia. As in, we really don’t have much choice.

    #115 Jamus – Billy Jack was THE hero of the day when I was in high school. Everybody wanted to be like Billy Jack, or look like Billy Jack, but nobody wanted to get off their lazy asses and train like Billy Jack. So everyone wound up wearing unblocked black hats and love beads and couldn’t outrun a three-legged rat with the croup. I don’t know where this story was going… but yes, you listed the best quote from the movie!

  119. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Jamus The Bartender: When that movie came out, we were all instant Karate masters ! We all got our asses kicked alot too.

  120. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    NYerCC: “This will *grunt* come in handy for *grunt* Oktoberfest! Roll out the barrel ,indeed, I *grunt* daresay!…Tally *grunt* Ho, Old Man!”

  121. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Random leftover from Greek Week, re: the NYer:

    I don’t think Prometheus is gonna get away with this one.

  122. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    What about Buford Pusser? Won’t anyone think of Buford Pusser????

  123. Josh
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    #21 britbike — yikes, thanks! I fixed. Eaton is actually my mother’s hometown in Ohio; while it is perfectly nice, no son of a Marquess, no matter how ill-behaved, would ever be exiled to such a rustic setting.

    Josh

  124. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    AeroSquid’s Unsubmitted NYCC Captions (Feel Free to use):

    “Christ, did a cow shit in here ?”

    “Honey ? We don’t HAVE to go to the Robert Mapplethorp exhibition !”

    “Hey look, Grog ! It’s a Non-Sequitor ! You know….because it makes no sense whatsoever that a comically large pistol inexplicably exists in the stone age. You don’t read Zippy, do you ?”

  125. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Truman. Is Billy Beer still aviable commodity in GA? Your bestest left coast elitest commie bastich hubbubber, Red.

  126. Tracer Bullet
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    FC: Billy is supposed to be, what, 5 or 6? What boy that age has a torso roughly the same size as a football?

  127. Dean Booth
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    #122 Red, that Buford Pusser line would make a great caption!

    Wow, this NYCC is a tough one. I got nothin’.

    #82: I sympathize, Poteet. I think fear-of-strange-toilets runs in my family. We laugh about the time my dad was out of town and drove 40 miles home just to use the john (and then drove back).

  128. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Red Meat is the most difficult comic to do a parody of. It’s as though Max Cannon was working thru me !

    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1246/1254285376_85ca74d9f5_o.jpg

  129. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    126: For that matter, what boy has a torso the same size as not only a football, but his own legs and head as well? At any age?

    *shudder

  130. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    NYerCC: “God picked his nose and that’s what came out! We must flee and give word to the masses! Fucking Monday, I daresay.Fait Accompli “

  131. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: Life Is So Good…Guess Who My New Roomate Is….HAW, HAW, HAW, HAWWW..HEE HEE HEE….

    …….HAW HAW….Oh, my Christ….HEE HEE HEE…..Goddammit, I can’t write…..Okay….gotta calm down here…
    OOkay….Greetings Crimestoppers, and Greetings Jamus The Bartender my new cellmate. That orange you’re wearing is a lovely shade of bitch….HAW HAW HAWWWW…
    Aw…but I kid. You’ll love it here, Jamus. Just as long as you remember who wears the pants in the family.
    NO IT’S NOT TESS YOU MISERABLE SONOFABITCH, I’LL KILL YOU…….
    Damn. Can’t lose control like that. Not before the trial. Anyway, I suppose you heard by now, Jamus the Bartender who loses his cool whenever his coke-snorting girlfriend comes to town, got busted by Anchorage police for the robbery of some Egyptian solid gold cat. If I wasn’t already in the jug, i’d work this case and plant evidence that would SEND YOUR MISERABLE ASS UP THE RIVER….THAT’S RIGHT JAMUS, I’M TALKIN’ TO YOU…..
    Wow. I must apologize to my new roomie. And we’re gonna have to learn to get along here….want some meds? No? Okay…all the more for me…..here, let’s check out the funnies together.
    9CL: I dunno what in hell’s going on here. But from where I sit, God , Almighy Jesus and Jim Beam are my Lord and Savior. Not some clown named Monty. And you can take that to the bank. Until Jamus robs it. HAW HAW HAWWW…
    B.C. Soo..this is where your life of crime began, huh Jamus? That’ll learn ya. Beware of cavemen with stick legs bearing gifts. HAW HAW HAWWWW….
    Archie: That’s it,Pops. Throw that ungrateful beatnik out on his ass. Slacker. I bet he’s never been to war.
    Cathy: “And yet another series of Cathy comics in which she deigns to remove her fat ass” Yeah, I gotta agree with you on that one Jamus, let’s move on…
    Dick Tracy: ….No…..I said NO. I don’t wanna read the strip. I don’t need to. Shut the fuck up. Don’t you fucking ” Where Is My Gretchen ” me….goddammit, i’ll take my shoe to your head…NANOOK….oh, you did not say “Tracy. Hang on. They want us dead” to me. YOU’RE dead to me, get it? Goddammit, gimme that paper. I’M paper boy…
    Those FOOB bastards who sold me up the river: You’re the HORSE’S ASS April. Remember that. When I get out of here, you’re going on the list. Right next to Jamus, and that miserable nephew Barney, who likes to fart in Uncle Dick’s face.
    Gasoline Alley. I feel for ya Slim, I really do. Just remember. Hang onto your meds. They’re gonna be your only solace in a world that won’t let you have whiskey.
    Luann: Damn. Looks like Luann’s gonna be spending her post high-school career at the local junior college. Or working in a titty bar, if she’s able to count dollar bills.
    Damn, but she looks nice in panel two. Jamus, turn around for a few minutes….you don’t need to see this…I said TURN AROUND dammit….
    Dennis The Menace’s Mom in the hot dress…: Turn around again Jamus. Yeah, AGAIN…

    Mary Worth: “You’d be suprised how tiresome it is sitting in front of a computer all day” I’ve got a pretty good idea, Doc. Especially when it’s a laptop that keeps crashing whenever the dirty pictures come on…..
    My Cage: Jamus recommended this one. Ooo..I can see why. It’s got pretty animal girls all over it. What’sa matter Jamus, you miss Cassandra already? Awwwww….
    Well…that’s it. Oh, the district attorney is here. No doubt to free me , release me on my own recognisance, and let me know when the trial is. Well, Jamus, see ya later. It’s gonna be rough the first few weeks, but just don’t bend over in the shower and you’ll be okay….DON’T YOU “I NEED MY GRETCHEN” ME YOU BASTARD!! HA HA. VERY FUNNY….

    Dick Tracy
    (From Jamus-Crimestopper’s addendum. Turns out the DA freed me, having believed my story, plus Clem finally remembered where the videos of Cassandra repelling down the skylight were. So, much thanks Truman, but I don’t think the ninja goats are gonna be necessary. Still, keep ‘em handy. I have a feeling Dick might be asking you for help in a few weeks. At the rate the American Justice system tries it’s criminals, Dick’s gonna be in here for a looong time. Haw. Haw. Haw.
    Jamus )

  132. Dean Booth
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    How about “I’m going in… Cover me!”

    Gak! I hate that cartoon!

  133. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    128: AeroSquid: Whoa, that is uncanny. I actually believed you’d simply linked to one of the real strips at first. Good impersonation! (I mean that as a compliment! I like Red Meat a lot!)

  134. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    SecretMargo: Thanx ! Actually Max Cannon has a contest of sorts where readers can play around without fear of terse letters of legality. I haven’t beento his actual site in awhile so I should check that out.

  135. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    118, 119. Weird thing is, the movie’s producer/director/actors Tom Laughlin and Delores Roberts were all about peace and progressive ideals and still are today. Plus, in the movie’s director commentaries, they kinda took credit for the whole “veteran of Vietnam kicks small town ass” that got Rambo out of the starting gate.

  136. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    A Plugger’s hoped-for unplugger. Give me strength.

  137. Harry Paratestes
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Aerosquid
    Do you belong to the Red Meat Construction Set?
    http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/
    That’s a pretty Meaty comic that you did.

  138. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    NYerCC:
    Caveman one “Yeah, but can it tell time?”
    Caveman two “What is time?”

  139. Jym
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    =75= FC (Pink-Haired Girl): Red is the color of cornfed blood and Huskers.

    =111= (Jonathan): Sounds like you’re aiming for more of a Sam Hurt than a Stephen Pastis. :-)

  140. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Harry Paratestes : No. But I am now !

  141. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    136: AFKABen: Can we hope that there’s no Pluggers: Unplugged follow-up album in the works?

  142. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    NYerCC: “Jesus Hymie Christ on a Segway!”

  143. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    #125 Red Greenback – Sadly, the only Billy Beer in existence to my knowledge, is found only in collections or on display at the Jimmy Carter Museum in Plains.

    I had a six pack back in my youth (oh yeah, we all can say that with varying degrees of despondency) but the beer was either consumed or stolen by other collectors. Other non-serious, because-it’s-novelty-or-on-sale collectors.

    If I could afford a can of Billy Beer, Red, I would gladly send one to you. For that matter, I could afford to just go there and we’d go bar-hoppin’ and buy you some REAL beer.

  144. Darkefang
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    New Yorker caption contest:

    “Wow, Oog must have a really tiny penis!”

  145. bats :[
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    I feel so dumb, but this was my entry into the NYCC (and yes, I hate the cartoon, too):
    “C.S.I.: Lascaux”

    Wow, all these legal eagles here! While I better keep my FOOBeries under wraps, I feel a little more secure here knowing that LJ’s squad is not met unchallenged. (Well, they are met unchallenged, but hey, I still feel a little more secure, kind of “chartreuse” on the Homeland Security color scale..)

  146. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW: If you take today’s horse themed foob and isolate the 4th panel from the rest it’s almost….ummmm….erotic..ish. Sorta.

  147. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Truman- I actually kept an intact sixer of Goldwater “The Conservative Drink” for several years, but some stupid with a flaregun burned my shit to the ground! I am still afeared to check EBay to see what an untapped six-pack of Goldwater is worth!!!

  148. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    246. I’ll be fair, Ed. More than fair if you can come through on a Cassandra Cat/Ashley Bengal crossover…

  149. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    148. That should read 246 previous thread.

  150. AeroSquid
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: Ha ! Ziggy wants to get carbed up and drunk !

  151. Frank Parsnip
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    NYCC: “They say that T-Rex never had a chance; with those short arms he couldn’t reach his holster.”

  152. Red Greenback
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    NYer CC: Judging by *grunt *destinctive rifing patterns it say goodby cruel world Wayne La Pierre.

  153. Such trust!
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/8/27&name=Red_n_Rover

    I don’t know, I can’t think of a single cartoon character that’s famous for standing on a mound of dirt in his tighty-whiteys and enthusiastically yells at dogs.

  154. Bob
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    I am horrified by today’s Garfield as it forcibly conjured a mental image of Jon rubbing his junk against a frozen chicken.

  155. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    MC: A ‘Mudgeon with better memory than mine will have to confirm this, but… Wasn’t a scene in a Starbucks one of the suggestions I made to Ed Power as being a symbolic shout-out to CC? I can’t for the life of me remember the context now. Or maybe Ed was talking about the MC equivalent to Starbucks, and I replied with the shout-out request… whatever, somehow the two are linked in my mind. Anyone remember this? Ed, was this a shout-out or am I utterly off my rocker? Or both?

  156. Poteet
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    # 98 — BWAHAHA! Good one, AhClem.

    # 127 — Thanks for the sympathy, Dean, and I sympathize with your father. In my case, it was a resolute refusal on the part of the colon to do what had to be done. Other than that, Poland was wonderful:-).

  157. King Folderol
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    DM – Boy, Dennis is sure going to make a g-r-r-r-r-r-eat! husband to some lucky gal someday!

    FC – Perhaps the Asian colorists are trying to warn us that toy footballs are the next product they’ll be poisoning our kids with.

    MW – I don’t know what “sitting at the computer” has to do with Mary’s suddenly wobbly arms. It’s like having sex with Dr. Jeff has allowed Mary’s arms to do the bendy pencil trick.

    Momma – Who the hell are Momma and Marylou looking at in Panel 3? Not me, presumably…I’m not getting into a debate with one of the original Wizard of Oz munchkins about sexuality. Not gonna play that game.

  158. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    155. I’m not sure, Brick. But I do know this. Maureen and Norman have been spending a fair amount of time together lately. More than I think Bridget is gonna be comfortable with. Maureen seems to be looking for a husband, correct? While not rich, Norman does have the “stable husband-material” thing down, correct? I foresee a catfight between Bridget Dog and Maureen Fox in the near future…

  159. Herro!
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap! I’m so sorry about hyper-posting. What was going on there? I kept getting an error message, hitting the back button, and re-entering. Oh noes! Sorry, guys.

    But on the bright side, hey, at least I got noticed! ;-) …but my ineptitude with computers probably means I’ll never be invited to join the high-tech law journal. :-(

  160. Poteet
    August 27th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn — Oh (Margo), not that ghastly child again. Thanks a lot for your three-part storyline, Brooke — fairy torture, professor torture (or whatever the bleep that succubus is doing to him), and that detestable little girl, which amounts to torture of me.

  161. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace – Looks to me as though Dennis’s folks are impatiently glaring at their michievous offspring. Silently praying for the moment he succumbs to the D-Con(TM) Casserole.

    Pluggers – Ah the expression says it all ” Must — Crap—–Soon!! Damn–it!!!

  162. Kaiser
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @ 124, Aerosquid:
    in reference to your final caption… would that be an anachronism, not a non sequitur?
    I didn’t actually look at the comic, so I’m just guessing from the context.

    Red Meat! surprisingly, that comic runs in a local paper back home. true, it’s a free paper, but still… kinda cool.

  163. Jamus The Bartender
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: So, Cousin Laura lets April help out in surgery….pet surgery, but , still….praises her as to her focus…calls her a kid…April freaks out with “I am NOT a kid”. Grr. Little ingrate. Maybe a trip to the convent would set her straight.

  164. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    153 Such trust! I think this is a lame shout-out to Charlie Brown.

  165. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    Tues FOOB. Wait a minute. April’s packing to leave? She just got there. Damn, riding the time warps in this strip has given me whiplash. Would one of you young legal whippersnappers out there sue Lynn Johnston for me? I’ll give a 40% contingency fee, and five bucks for a retainer.

  166. SecretMargo
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    162: The unlikely truth is that it manages to be both.

    gun+cavemen=anachronism
    little cavemen+enormous gun=non sequitur

    other definitions:

    someone thinking this is even potentially funny=depressant
    someone getting paid for thinking this is even potentially funny=emetic

    ‘mudgies wringing humour from it anyhow=anti-depressant, possible narcotic

  167. LightSyrup
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Now, SERIOUSLY, who in god’s name came up with this completely INANE line: “Something to love; something to hope for”??? I’m feeling sort of queasy, excuse me…

  168. True Fable
    August 27th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    #165 Brown-Eyed Girl – Sure, Lynn’s got a lot of juggling to do in order to get Angstony to a place where Liz will be ready to continually date him from here to eternity, and to show how bright and chatty and wise-beyond-her-years Francois is, and how marvelous Liz will be as a step-mother with all the right puns at the ready.

    She will also need to show that yes, April is really intent on being a vet even though she rarely talks about such plans until she goes away for the summer.

    #167 Light Syrup – I don’t know, but I’ll finish it:

    “Something to love; something to hope for;
    My name’s Anthony and I’ve something to mope for.”

    yeah, well, as bad as that is, it’s still better than anything April will sing.

  169. Anonymous
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Tuesday: Okay, what the heck? Is this the Moore’s new hospice worker? A talking cat? Or is Elrod drawing Funky Winkerbean now?

  170. Honey Breedlove
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    MW: Uh-oh, Mary’s got “the look”… some poor bastard’s about to get his character built.

  171. Mibbitmaker
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    New FW: What?? Jack Elrod write and draw this one? Brooke McEldowney? Butiuk trying to badly rip off Get Fuzzy? Les having really bad d.t.s? Magic mushrooms in the booze? Or did Batty go batiuk-shit batty?

    FOOB: More For Better or for Worse on Gil Thorp time. It could be worse: FOOB could be on Dick Tracy time.

  172. Trilobite
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    #137 Harry Paratestes — Ha! I’m so glad to see the Red Meat Construction Set is still around!

    Back in college, my friend Søren lived just down the hall from me, and he did the coding for the RCMS as a labor of love. It came as kind of a relief when Max Cannon (who was a Tucson resident, at least at the time) told him it was cool; up ’til then he was a little worried that he’d be told to cease and desist.

    (Søren does CGI work for movies these days, in case you were wondering what career opportunities are opened up by coding a comic strip construction set.)

  173. TaxiGirl
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    #84 — Dennis having to deal with noblesse oblige is one thing.

    I don’t want to see how Dennis the Menace approaches jus primae noctis.

  174. left of the pyle
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy (Tuesday): PLEASE tell me he’s actually selling those shirts.

  175. Herro!
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    What? They don’t have Safeways in Plugger country. They have Krogers and Piggly Wigglys!

    Okay, back to studying, for real this time…I promise to only post once. Thanks for being gentle with the snark, those were some good jokes. Ohh-h-h yeah-h!

  176. Uncle Lumpy
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    And, in Funky Winkerbean, Les hits the sauce. What, he already stole all Lisa’s Dilaudid®?

  177. bats :[
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Toozday Funnies (and not-so-funnies):

    FOOB: My! People come and go so quickly around here!
    (Hurry, Lynn, hurry! Time’s awasting! The syndicate knows you’re outa here full-time in September! Tie up those loose ends! Tote that barge! Lift that bale!)

    FC: I’m not a parent, so I’m not up on toddler anatomy, but even Lizardbreath and Asshathony weren’t contorted like a pair of idiots with severe bowel distress when they were toting two-to-four-year-old Squiggly C between them!
    Shut up, Jeffy, before you find your folks scratching your nose with the sidewalk!

    TDIET: I didn’t think it went far enough:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1254651175/

    MW: “Uh oh!”, Mary? “Uh oh!” That’s it? Come on… it’s “Oh, CRAP!” or nothing!

  178. Mibbitmaker
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    FW again: …Maybe this is Batty’s way of making it up to us CCers?

    …….NAH!!

    This has been “Theodoric of York, Medieval Comics Snarker”

    (“SnarkalldayNight Live” camera shows audience, closing in on Les Moore. The superimposed caption reads: LOOPIER THAN SLIM. Les just sulks.)

    COMMERCIALS

    And now, Weekend Update. Here are co-anchorpersons Mallard Fillmore and Mike Doonesbury…

    MD: “Despite all the skill of surgeons on the case, it has been reported at Lisa Switcheroo Memorial Hospital that John Darling is still completely dead”

    (Too much?)

    “…Mallard, you ignorant slut!…”

    (yeah, too much)

  179. kippetje2000
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Dingo: Three taps of the ruby shoes for your performance tonight at Butler Field from all of us at the late shift. Maybe smoochin’ the Bean once afore goin on could get a you a smile from the good witch of the midwest. Have fun, and we know you’ll enjoy Austria. Just watch out for those wild animals while you’re over there. Dingos and roos and such’ll snatch your babies if’n you aint careful.

  180. bats :[
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    FW: Regardez! Le chat noir! Ou le chat blanc! Ou le chat vache! Ne pas bleu! Absurde, ivre Les!

  181. True Fable
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    “Hot snark in the summertime…!”

    9CL Well you stupid ass. Run away, then.
    (WT)DT Panel 3 has the best contortions of the old dickster yet! Tiny little arms flailing in the drink. Heh.
    FC The larger question is, Where are they taking him, and why? Well, that would be TWO larger questions I suppose. And what will they do? Okay, Three.
    FBoFW No, nothing fazes April, except having to move down the block from her old home, having her boyfriend say she’s roadside, and being called a kid after she’s played pet doctor like a real grownup.
    FW Les enters the competition for Most Unlikely to Become the Town Drunk, with Funky as his main competition!
    (DT)GT Bill gets a beatdown from his arch-nemesis, Manhole Cover Man!
    H&L Missing Panel 3: “…of those nine babes I screwed out at the club.”
    JP With the exception of a peek at one of the Bustalicious Bumps in panel one, all that really captures the eye is Trudi’s really unattractive snarl in panel two. In panel three, Sophie maintains her martial arts pose as Gigged Frog.
    MT Well, here’s a studly young fellow, hairless so he must be a good guy since Bald and Gray father = bad guy proxy. Maybe Elrod is going to bring back Sam Not Sam as Duck Pro, and Mark will somehow get these two great kids together. damn, and I had such plans for her…
    MW Dr. Drew, reeling drunk from his realization that he was Such A Playa, confides in the one woman he should KNOW not to. Mary is so glad she stayed around after the awkward way she passed up Dr. Cory the Elder’s non-too-subtle hint at sex, so she could find this juicy tidbit out! Never mind that she stayed from mid-afternoon until dark; Mary had meddlin’, not canoodlin’, on her mind.
    RMMD Occasionally, this strip will show someone doing something or making a gesture that I can identify with. In today’s case, it’s the security guard in panel two, who is on the phone and pointing in a direction, as if the caller can actually see where he’s pointing through the phone line! It’s these little touches that make me embrace Rex Morgan, M.D. And June’s Gratuitous Rack, of course.
    Zits Yeah, every father wants sex advice from his teenage son, and hopes like hell it’s not from any form of experience.

  182. Trilobite
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Lo! Tuesday’s comics arrive, as the prophecy foretold:

    Dick Tracy: Obviously, the water in the Potomac must be freezing cold at this time of year…just look at the extreme Dick shrinkage in the third panel.

    Funky Winkerbean: Seriously, what the hell is going on here? Someone please explain this one to me…is there some history of talking cats in this strip, or has Batiuk just decided that killing Lisa off slowly and painfully would be even better if he made Les a hallucinating alcoholic on top of it? Better yet, it looks like he’s getting soused on cough syrup: he’s not even allowed to drink real booze.

    Mary Worth: Mary is horrified to learn that while she’s been wasting her entire morning hanging around her invalid “boyfriend,” a love triangle has formed. This is precisely the reason why she’s been lobbying for a searchlight to be installed on the roof of Charterstone: with a proper Biddy-Signal, she could’ve been on the scene and meddling hours ago!

    Spider-Man: Enjoy it while it lasts, Jonah; next week Maria will choke on a bit of steak, and will fall hopelessly in love with the waiter who gives her the Heimlich maneuver.

  183. bats :[
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    172. Trilobite: Max Cannon still is an Old Publeoan…he hosts the First Friday shorts competition at the Loft! (I’d mentioned once here that he used to date a friend of mine — she’s of the opinion that it was good they didn’t continue. Yeah, I know, no sense of humor.)

    174. left of the pyle: yeah, I’d take one of these, too.

    A few more:

    Mutts: awwwwwwww…very nice.

    MW: hey, Drew, nice leprechaun outfit!

  184. True Fable
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Les is just hoping that somewhere, somehow, someone’s pussy is calling for him.

  185. jnik
    August 28th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    FW: You’re ALL wrong! That’s Oscar the Death Kitty on leave from the hospice in New England to give Lisa a goodbye purr.

  186. Mibbitmaker
    August 28th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    More 8/28:

    ZtP: Go, Zippy, go! (so sue me, I love the banal roadside *snicker!* stuff strips!)

    Ziggy: Dr. Batiuk at your service.

    S-M: The George Costanza of the tabloid world gets lucky!

    Big Dog: “…by doing something completely impossible!”

    JP: Wow, Ellen Barkin is pissed!

    GA: “…Sorry, Slim, Pop says it’s back to the funny farm for you. (tsk-tsk…too bad…)”

    DT: Wednesday: “… And now, fans, the same spectacular dive from another angle…”

    DtM: …A comment with more profanity than a Bob Saget stand-up routine.

    Curtis: “Uh, Mr. Wilkins, I’m here to fix the cable on your scapegoat –er, uh– I mean, on your TV”

    A3G: Nope, the Margo lookalike ain’t cutting it. We need Margo, herself, back in this strip, pronto!

    9CL: Oh, great, Brooke’s going to do some Liz/Blanthony-style storytelling (from high school to just before the FOOBocalypse era, that is), and it’s ALL THORAX’s FAULT!!

  187. Bob Weber
    August 28th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    148 — Ed and I have been talking.

  188. Mibbitmaker
    August 28th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Aw, she’s just being smug because her fur can’t be accidentally painted to make her look like a lady skunk and get chased by Pepe LePeww.

  189. Leu
    August 28th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    FW: Punch lines that aren’t actually funny… depressing characters… former fans losing interest… talking cats…

    And thus Funky Winkerbean has completed its transformation into Garfield.

  190. The Avocado Avenger
    August 28th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Les does seem to hear the talking cat, doesn’t he? Oh boy, he’s hallucinating. That’s nice – he doesn’t get to talk much or accompany his wife to DC or anything, but we’ll make sure he becomes a drunk, so that way his character has depth.

    I suppose the cat will last one strip and then disappear like everything else has lately, but it would be marvelous if he turned out to be some wise dispenser of helpful platitudes.

  191. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    August 28th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Spider-Brick,

    Oh yeah, I forgot to mention when it ran the other day. You had made a Starbucks/My Cage joke and suggested a name and logo . I knew that was was coming down the pike, so I thought about changing it to your suggestion as a shout out, then by coincidence that art came back shortly after you posted, and I would have felt bad asking Mel to change it. Also, I sometimes avoid the animal puns in the last panel if I think it’ll distract from the joke.

    Speaking of coincidence:

    As Bob Weber (@ 187) pointed out, Jamus @ 148 must be psychic! :D

  192. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    August 28th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Spider-Brick:

    STAGBUCKS! That was your suggestion and the logo had something to do with antlers.

    WHEW! Thanks god! I thought I was going to be up all night trying to remember that.

  193. Red Greenback
    August 28th, 2007 at 4:05 am [Reply]

    Bob Weber Jr. @ #187— I said it before, and I’ll say it again…You are a class act, my man! And Wiley (age 13) ‘s comic strip with Max & Slylock made me cough up a lung laughing!!!

  194. Pinback65
    August 28th, 2007 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    I was going to point out how Dr. Drew is striking the Danny Thomas closing credits pose, and that Joe E. Ross has a cameo in the second panel of Rex Morgan…but then I realized both of those references depended on knowledge of early sixties sitcoms, and it made me question why my brain has retained knowledge of such things, when so many important memories have faded away.

    Bummer.

    Guess I’ll go back to staring at June’s breasts.

  195. True Fable
    August 28th, 2007 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    #187 Bob Weber & #192 Ed Powers – Cool! Then maybe you guys won’t mind if later on, a few of your characters get the prose treatment in the forums?

    Yes, wildlifie sportsfans – Mark Trail Fanfiction Episode II, Part II is up and ready for that right fist of justice to come out swinging!

    Told with the proper amount of reverence, irreverence, and all necessary naughty bits thrown appropriately askance!

  196. Red Greenback
    August 28th, 2007 at 4:53 am [Reply]

    I want to purchase June Morgan’s star spanged blouse to sniff!

  197. Wordboy Dave
    August 28th, 2007 at 4:55 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: I stared at this comic forever, trying to figure out where the joke might be–”It’s fall, so let’s play football?” the damn thing isn’t even STRUCTURED to support any humor–and then I realized: maybe Keane has given up the passe “writing” thing and has started to do unscripted REALITY cartooning. I look forward to further driect, unmediated quips from Jeffy like “A friend of mine had a birthday party! It was fun!”, “I’m bored!” and “Hi, mom! What’s for dinner?” Ha ha! It’s funny because it’s true!

  198. Red Greenback
    August 28th, 2007 at 4:59 am [Reply]

    For masturbaion, of course. Sheesh!

  199. Red Greenback
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:03 am [Reply]

    Fuckin’ Ambien™

  200. True Fable
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    #199 Red Greenback – I would have blamed it on the Ambien. Sure would, uh-huh.

  201. Godzooky
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    #198 RG: For what, again?

  202. gleeb
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    Not only can the cat in Funky Winkerbean talk, it’s also unobservant. It’s a white cat with a black patch on its head, not blue. Or, maybe it’s an idiom. I’m not up on my French idioms.

  203. Big Ol\' Badass Bob, The Cattle Rustler
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    That asshole Red Greenback just broke down my door and punched me in my pubes! He was babbling some bullshit about Mark Trail…. Sheesh! He’s sleeping on my couch now.

  204. gleeb
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    And another thing, what’s up with Luann’s teacher? Is there a chapter 5a that students were supposed to skip?

  205. Godzooky
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    NYer Caption Contest: “Something to love, something to hope for.”

  206. Big Old Badass Bob, The Cattle Rustler
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    NYerCC: “Well Twat, I daresay, should we investigate further, or alert the authorities?”

  207. Godzooky
    August 28th, 2007 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The starbursts must be confusing Wilson, Nolan, whoever does the artwork. June’s Trudi-esque right breast is somehow accompanied by Connie’s pointy lefty.

  208. Jeremy E Jones
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    I don’t know if you ever linked this before, but I was bored at work and found it:

    http://www.shortpacked.com/d/20070416.html

    A Funky Winkerbean dedication from shortpacked.

    Wahoo.

  209. dreadedcandiru2
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    C’Shaft: Apparently, there’s a huge-ass industry in the Cleveland area dedicated to training soccer moms to the peak of physical perfection so they can catch up with the crabbed-up old fart with the ball cap. What happens when they finally plant his mingy ass in the ground?

    FOOB: If I’d been at the receiving end of as many smackdowns as April had, I’d get like her too.

    FW: Oh, goody! A new horror! Welcome to Drunk-ass Les and his sodden glurginess. Her’s a nifty crossword clue for you: Filthy sadist (3 letters, 6 letters).

    GA: Oh, this is loverly, isn’t it? Slim’s madness has forced a guy who hasn’t worked on a car since they had those damned tailfins to strap the toolbelt back on. What with all the computers under the hood to baffle Skeezix, they’d be as well off with the mule driver with the double-digit IQ calling the shots.

  210. smacky
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    JP: Trudi is wearing a fishnet body stocking! I like it, but she forgot to cut holes for her hands to go through!

  211. smacky
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    And Sophie has become Sam, and Aldo looked like Captain Kangaroo.

  212. goaty
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    The coloring gnomes do NOT like Dr. Drew…..

  213. Pozzo
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    For the the 3,000th time, Alice is thinking. “If I hadn’t left my pills behind when I went to the biker rally in Austin in 2001, you wouldn’t be sitting there, making my life a living hell.”

  214. Applemask
    August 28th, 2007 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    Why is Momma staring at us. What have we done to anger Momma?

  215. Inspector Dim
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    In today’s Funky Suicidalbean, Les is having an alcoholic hallucination. Best of all, the talking cat who wants his booze is smirking at him.

  216. Whippersnapper
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Foob: So Shannon spent a week on the cafeteria table, we had two weeks at Shawna-Marie’s wedding to Some Guy (plus a bonus week of flashbacks), but April is only at the farm for one day? You know what this means- Lynn is hurrying us back to more limp declarations of love from Assthony and more of Liz trying to convince herself that she’s happy with him.

  217. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    Archie: Time of death: 8:07 am, August 28, 1952.
    Blondie: Where are they going that they’re all fancied up like that, but have to stop for snacks? Are the Bumsteads one of those families that get dressed up and go for a drive like people did in the ’50s?
    Curtis: Uhmm….television really isn’t cited as the cause of that, it’s just what happens without continuous studying.
    DT: Plenty of people have already commented on the fact that Dick either shrank or the car grew, so I’ll just leave that alone.
    FW: Oh, what fresh hell is this? Now are we going to get a storyline about Les being an alcoholic? At least we can now point to this day as solid proof that Batiuk has officially lost it.
    GT: That certainly is an odd style that Munger seems to be employing there. It appears that he waits for Bill to get within a foot then swings his arm in a circle. That, plus the apparent hammer style hit in the third panel are really whooping Bill, apparently.
    Luann: If she read 4 of the 5 chapters, she should do okay. This really isn’t that big of a deal, particularly on the very first test.
    MT: John’s got a pretty daring combo on there, even by Mark Trail standards. An electric blue suit with a yellow shirt? No facial hair though, so I assume he’s safe from the wrath of Mark.
    MW: Speaking of daring combos, where on Earth did Dr. Drew score that bright green getup? Did he rob a pimp on his way over to Mary’s? Never mind the question as to why he went running over to Mary’s in the first place.
    MG&G: Today on Maury: Superheroes and their fetishes.
    R&R: Nice panel today, I always did like the effect of white on the black paper.

  218. Trilobite
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    I don’t usually read Pluggers (Josh is reading it so I don’t have to), but I keep going back to the comic posted above and thinking about it.

    I’ve been wondering something for a long time now, a sort of heartsick, unhappy kind of wondering that’s the mental equivalent of picking at a scab. And what I’ve been wondering is, why are they called “Pluggers”? At first, I figured it was “Plugger” because they were “just plugging away,” a reference to the plodding, desultory pursuit of mediocrity that is apparently the best they have to hope for in their dismal lives.

    But that comic opens up a far more terrifying possibility. Is the “Plug” in “Plugger” meant literally? Are they all, in fact, so jammed up inside that they’re just tamping their meals down like they’re loading a musket? Good lord, wasn’t it enough for this comic to just make me feel unhappy? Does it have to gross me out, too?

  219. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: Maybe it’s just ’cause it’s early in the morning, but the first time through, I read this as “Tim kept murderous notes.” Which would forebode a far more interesting plot than we’ve seen in A3G since, well, ever.

    Archie: Parrots snore?

    Baldo: I was reminded of how newspaper readership is declining.

    Blondie: I’m sure this strip used to do some jokes that weren’t about Dagwood (1) eating, (2) being incompetent at work, or (3) being annoyed by Elmo or (4) crashing into the postman, but I’ll be damned if I can remember any of them.

    DtM: That cat’s tail is the only thing Dennis has menaced in 12 years.

    (WT)DT: Maybe once thalidomide baby Dick drowns, people will stop calling them “flippers.”That’ll teach them to let Kennedy drive! … How I wish there had been a freighter’s smokestack passing by just then.

    FBOFW: Lynn Johnston’s Rules of Writing #3: Tell, don’t show. (#1 and #2 are both “You do not talk about Foob Club.”)

    FW: At least, if Batiuk treats that cat like everyone else in the strip, it’ll be long dead after the time skip in a few weeks.

    GT: Ernie Munger’s boxing career is sponsored by Gasoline Alley.

    Luann: Yes, apparently, he really did mean chapters 5 through 9. Moron.

    Big Dog: Yes, Anderson, at this time of year it’s tempting to jump on the bandwagon with your fellow cartoonists. But dogs don’t go to school.

    Phantom: Even before her mutant weather powers manifested, young Ororo Munro felt like an outcast from her schoolmates.

  220. CrabbyGenes
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    I haven’t had time to read any of this thread yet. But the following people:

    Dean Booth
    Big Sims
    sangwij
    bats

    Please check #264 on the Dr. Drew thread, where I replied to all of you.

  221. AhClem
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I can’t believe I’m the first one to mention this, but — look at the security guard in the 2nd panel.

    It’s Him.

    Nice to see he found work after recovering from the near-fatal car plunge.

  222. man behind the curtain
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    A3G — So what’s in the journal? The name, address, and phone number of every brothel in China?

    MW — So while Mary is absent for only a brief interlude, Dr. Pastel is flitting from one apartment to another. Mary I’m so disappointed in you. How could all of this be going on in Charterstone with Mary being totally unaware? Mary will have to put her meddling into overdrive to catch up. What’s great is that the triangle trio shares one common bond — a mistaken trust in confiding their secrets to Mary.

  223. AhClem
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    My potential NYer caption:

    “I have no idea what it is, but my instincts tell me we should be miles away when the owner comes back for it.”

  224. Blake
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    FW: Just for the record, the cat clearly has cancer. It is wearing a wig.

  225. CrabbyGenes
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    my #220. And I still haven’t read any of this thread.

    But remember when we were playing the “guess the musical/Greek tragedy/Shakespeare play, etc.” game a few threads ago? I couldn’t guess the musical RENT. (My reply to the clue was, “There’s a musical about AIDS?”)

    Well, Mr. CrabbyGenes and I have just rented and watched the movie RENT. Instead of writing a review, I’ll just say that it was an evening well spent, and that my eyes now feel like, and look like, two boiled tomatoes.

    Also, I liked the ending. And I’m wondering: Did the stage musical end the same way? Or was the ending changed for the movie?

    And the ending was a “CC moment” for me. I found myself thinking that Batiuk would not have written it this way, and that I was glad he had nothing to do with it!

  226. Blake
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I haven’t read this thread yet, but did anyone else look at Mary Worth today and think this:
    http://blakeg.net/cc/maryworth8-26-2007.png

  227. Godzooky
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    GT: Ya know, if the whole point of this storyline is to show how Bill Ritter overcomes his self-inflicted handicap, THEN SHOW THE DAMN HANDICAP, ALREADY! Oh, well, at least McLaughlin isn’t filling the void with crotches this time around.

  228. Allie Cat
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    FW — OK – I get it – we’re representing Les’ depression with a “blue cat” – charmante, n’est-ce pas? Why not – Churchill called his depression the Black Dog. Still, Les Moore is no Winston Churchill.

    Luann – It still pisses me off that he wrote the margoing assignment on the board that way, even if Luann’s a dumbass and wrote it down wrong. But honestly, only a fraction of the test will focus on the missing chapter, so I think she could still pull a decent grade – well, maybe if she weren’t such a dumbass.

    FOOB –
    Thus Spake Auntie Bev:

    “Gee, April – we would have loved to have spent more time on this plot point, but we were too busy listening to your sister justify her relationship with Asshathony and once again, show what a bad, uncaring person Therese is. No, dammit, I didn’t pronounce her name with accents, I’m not down with all that froggy shit – I’m a real Canadian!”

    “People will just have to take your word for it that you’re great with animals and don’t puke around surgical procedures.”

    “In fact, dear April, it’s a good thing you have a cast iron stomach, because the shit you’re going back to is enough to make anyone heave.”

  229. Cornwhacker
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking that the talking cat is a harbinger of what’s to come when Batiuk skips the story ahead by 10 years. Last time that happened, FW went from a humor strip to a soap opera. It will now be reincarnated as a supernatural/fantasy strip where Les has the power to talk to animals, Summer can communicate with the ghost of her dead mother, and they all cast many a “wine-out-of-nowhere” spell.

    Speaking of cats I never noticed until now: I got curious about the one that’s been showing up around Menacing House lately and did some research. Apparently its name is ‘Hot Dog’.

    *shakes head wearily* Dennis, emulating Jughead is no way to menace.

  230. Dean Booth
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    bats, I think your NYCC CSI caption is a winner. You must submit!

    FC: Experience Hell now so you won’t have to later.

    #220, Thanks, CG.

  231. CrabbyGenes
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    to Herro, #58-63.

    I know that your incredible feat has already been commented upon, but I just want to say that I believe you now hold the CC record for consecutive identical posts. Congratulations!

    to Poteet #82 and Dean Booth #127.

    Oh, are we telling “shy colon” and “unfamiliar toilet” stories now? Well, here’s my contribution.

    When we had guests from the U.S. visiting a while back, I told Mr. CrabbyGenes after breakfast one morning, to PLEASE take the guests out for a 20-30 minute drive and show them the nearby rice paddies.

    “Why?” he said.

    “Because they still haven’t seen them,” I said.

    “No really, WHY?” he said.

    At which point I gave him my most withering look and hissed, “You know darn well why!”

    So he did.

    I should add that we have a very small house.

  232. Dingo
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Hey, folks. If any of you are in Chicago tonight and coming down to Butler Field, I’ll be wearing a cheap, green Tyrolean hat with a red feather in it and might be wearing my Gail Martin shirt. Not sure yet on the shirt but we’re using the hat as a way for people to find us. I am so having an out-of-body Tommie Thompson experience.

  233. Allie Cat
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Also – A3G – Things were actually getting interesting with Tommie, FOR ONCE – and they have to switch to Nora Mills, of all people to tell a “very special subplot”.

    I’m starting to hate this strip even more.

  234. Dennis Jimenez
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    A3G – So, endanger whose life – Tim’s or Eric’s? I’m betting it’s screw Tim – we can’t endanger our precious Eric. Well, from what I’ve seen of Eric, I’d say he’s so worthless that I’d throw away two of them and I’d throw in an Alan for just one of these Tims, sight unseen.

    Blondie – I’ve gotta get off this strip. Every time I read it, all I can think of is Blondie, naked and slatered with condoments.

    DtM – You’re not a stupid twat. (Wow, my software spell check clears twat!)

    MT – Good job dressing Johnny, Mr. Thomas – he looks as manly as Rock Hudson!

    MW – Drew looks like Eddy Cantor breaking into Mammy, in panel one. Uh-oh, indeed.

  235. CrabbyGenes
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #226 Blake. YES! Bwa ha ha!

    #228 Allie Cat, on Foob. Right on!

    And #232, Dingo. Best of luck! I wish I could be there.

  236. The Divine O’F
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Rainbird and Secret Margo: Yes, the “Big Bang” one was mine, and I did submit it, but my wording wasn’t NEARLY as good as Rainbird’s. I should have workshopped it. Not that it will matter, since they evidently pull out the 100 worst entries and then draw three from a hat. And Rainbird–you could be right about how they choose the cartoons for the contest.

    Darkefang: Your caption made me spew!

    183 bats: Max Cannon used to date one of my students. I wonder if it’s the same woman. Is she a writer?

    And Dingo–BREAK A LEG!

  237. AtomicDog
    August 28th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    219: The Spectacular Spider-Brick

    Archie – Maybe the parrot was imitating Archie’s snoring. Which means it wasn’t really asleep. Unless parrots talk in their sleep. Hmm…

  238. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Okay, WordPress is blocking my comment as a duplicate. Why can’t I see it, then?

  239. Joe
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    FOOB:
    Well, it looks like April’s two-day trip to the Farm will be the last time we see Manitoba before we’re stuck in golden-boy-assclown-St.-Michael’s photo album of foobiverse hell.

    I think that Laura is perhaps a couple of years younger than Elizaloser, yet the Great Eye of Sauron Lynn draws Laura a bit plain, much more so than the 16 year-old April and her older sister, Miss Fat-Ass-Droopy-Tits.

    Note the goofy hair and full lipppps on April. Look at the Ethereal way Loserbreath is drawn. In comparison, Laura is drawn much more realistic.

    It’s a good thing that Laura’s name is Cruikenshank, as opposed to Patterfoob, and that they live so far away from the gravitational pull of that Black Hole Hell which is the Foobland Milborough.

    I would like to think that when Laura goes to Foob-Central for the final mating of the Lizthony, she is overcome with rage and kicks Blandthony in the balls with the force of a thousand sledge-hammers, forever rendering him unable to spread his cursed sperm into the Temple of Lizardblech (if he hasn’t already, hopefully she isn’t knocked up yet!) and then slaps Little Miss Grendel silly until she wakes up and realizes what a marraige-wrecking, smut-puppy foob-assed moron she’s become and dumps Fuckthony like yesterday’s dirty bathwater.

    I would then hope that Laura then takes April back to the Farm for good, far, far away from the Patterson-Sawney Bean family. At least then, April will have a chance at a normal life.

    We can only hope!

  240. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    let me post let me post let me post let me post

  241. AAckTTpth
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    WOOHOO!!! A Rex Morgan car chase! Four and a half weeks of strips of a car chase covering three miles and 25 minutes of action… um… woohoo… zzzzzzzzzzz

  242. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    #238, me,
    Sorry, having a little posting trouble here. Let’s try it again.

    8/28

    Archie: “Blind the bird, then Archie.” The Veronican Candidate is not consciously aware of her actions, much less the reasoning behind them. She is only programmed to make sure there are no witnesses when the Jughead Problem is solved once and for all.

    Ziggy: Prognosis terminal. If today’s panel is to be believed, the Zigster will be checking out around the same time as Lisa Moore. We will all mourn this… Okay, I’m done mourning.

    FW: Wha? Talking cat? Huh?
    If the focus is changing from Lisa’s cancer to Les’s schizophrenia, I guess that’s an improvement of sorts.

    S-M: J Jonah Jameson doesn’t want to say anything that could prevent him from getting some. This is understandable, although it also puts some unwanted images in my head.

    JP: Trudi has covered herself in fishnet and is commanding Keith to swallow. Little Sophie is getting quite the education here.

    Marvin: Man, an unfunny baby standing next to an unfunny dog. WC Fields would go into a kicking frenzy.

    SFx: If I ever meet an extraterrestrial, I hope he does like this one and climbs down from his ship on a rope ladder.

    H&L: Hi isn’t going to waste the lies on golf. When he needs to feel young and picks up some 19 year old, that’s when he’ll make with the fibs.

    FC: “Not until you tell us the launch codes.”

  243. gh
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    #132 Dean Booth –

    I’m speed-scrolling but I like that one! t may need my all purpose closer though: [now with cavemen!]

  244. Fightin Vague Shape
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    GT: This never would have happened if Bill had four legs. Four legs, I tell you! It’s the wave of the future!

    FW: Is he trying to get drunk on cough syrup?

    TDIET: Thank God only those nefarious detergent-makers utilize such deceptive advertising practices. I start every morning off with a sense of well-being knowing that my bowl of Fifteenth-Best-Tasting Cereal truly is the fifteenth-best-tasting cereal on the market.

  245. gh
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    It may need, etc.

  246. The Divine O’F
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I tried to post this earlier, and it disappeared. Please forgive me if it shows up later as a duplicate:

    Rainbird and Secret Margo: Yes, the “Big Bang” one was mine, and I did submit it, but my wording wasn’t NEARLY as good as Rainbird’s. I should have workshopped it. Not that it will matter, since they evidently pull out the 100 worst entries and then draw three from a hat. And Rainbird–you could be right about how they choose the cartoons for the contest.

    Darkefang: Your caption made me spew!

    183 bats: Max Cannon used to date one of my students. I wonder if it’s the same woman. Is she a writer?

    And Dingo–BREAK A LEG!

  247. Anonymous
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Poteet (#82) 1985? Ha! In communist Poland, Metamucil poops you!

  248. CrabbyGenes
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    TDIET: I love the way the detergent boxes are all stacked like books on a library shelf. I’ve never seen it done that way in the supermarket.

  249. Jamus The Bartender
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    187. YAYYYY.

  250. queek
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    185: that comment should put you on the float for next week. I’m just glad that I wasn’t drinking coffee when i read it, or else I’d need a new monitor and/or keyboard.

  251. T. Chicana
    August 28th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FW: Never mind that I don’t get the punchline at all…Is Les turning into Son of Sam? Like when that dog told Son of Sam what to do? What is the cat going to tell Les? And what is Les drinking? Shots of Jaeger? Cough medicine? Vanilla?

  252. t007
    August 28th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MW: With Dr.McCheatycheatness standing there with his arms open, all I can hear is Tony Bennett singing “I know I’d go from rags to riches, If you would only say you care, And though my pocket may be empty I’d be a millionaire!” Mary swoons.

  253. Pozzo
    August 28th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #76 (Aerosquid) – In my local newspaper (the Cincinnati Enquirer), DtM appears next to Marmaduke, and I often pull a caption swap. Most times it doesn’t mean anything, but you get an occasional gem. My favorite was when DtM showed Dennis sitting up in bed looking accusingly at his mother, while the Marmaduke caption read, “Why is there a picture of the butcher on your bedroom wall?” That was a real coffee-spewing moment for me (or would have been, if I drank coffee).

  254. The Prophet
    August 28th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    That sure looks like a CFL regulation size football that Billy is carrying….for those who aren’t familiar with Canadian Football their “balls are bigger” than the ones used by the NFL. That still doesn’t explain the dollop of red paint, but clearly Billy aspires to play for the Toronto Argonauts some day…

  255. dale
    August 28th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    DtM 8/28 somewhat related but also a test to see whether I could paste something in here.

    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

    “You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”
    The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
    The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with ‘hell’
    and you say something with ‘ass’.
    The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

    Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast.
    He replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
    WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the floor, gets up, and runs upstairs with his
    mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
    She locks him in his room and shouts, “You can just stay there until I let you out!”

    The mother comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks,
    “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

    “I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios.”

  256. Champ
    August 28th, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    I’m guessing the Keanes live just north of Thunder Bay, because here in New England the leaves don’t begin to change until early October. But why should physics stand in the way of a darn good concept?

  257. Old Man Muffaroo [Kip W: certified!]
    August 28th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Late to the party — family vacation has taken me away from computers for four days or so — I can only look back sadly to my youthful days when I looked at laxative ads and hoped that death would come for me before my biggest concern in life was how often I crapped.

    I imagined an ad for Haley’s M.O. with an old couple out driving. “Hank, you seem distracted today!” “Well, honey, it’s this darned irregularity again…” And after the pitch, we see them out driving again, and now they’re all happy and stuff, and they pull into a gas station where they roll down the window for the attendant, who asks, “Regular?” And they beam at him and say, “Thanks to Haley’s M.O.!”

    Alas, here I am, a mere fifty-year-old youth, and I’ve been taking Metamucil for fifteen or twenty years. Thus does Irony teach us a nasty lesson.

  258. Johnny
    August 29th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Check out the top center of nytimes.com right now — the photo/headline combination is pretty priceless viewed through the lens of the foobiverse.

    Here’s a screenshot in case they change it.

Comments are closed for this post.