Main content:

Soapy Monday

Mary Worth and Judge Parker, 10/8/07

“Sure, why not” vs. “You think?”: The sassy young ladies of the soap opera strips come up with the closest things to snappy comebacks allowed in this genre. Dawn has bizarrely chosen to encapsulate her sass as some kind of bit of quoted wisdom. My question: is this some flip statement that Drew made once, long ago, that Dawn memorized like every other sentence he uttered in her presence? Or is it just another in the long line of Mary Worth things-presented-as-quotes-that-aren’t-actually-quotes? A trip through the archives would answer this question, but I don’t have the spiritual strength for it this afternoon. I will say this, though: Dawn’s tremulous tear in panel one is actually better drawn than the single droplet usually seen on the faces of the various girls in Apartment 3-G.

Meanwhile, Judger Parker’s Sophie has come up with the only appropriate response to Rusty’s increasingly desperate bids to bend Sam to her legal will. Unable or unwilling to recognize her old classmate’s total disinterest in her assets, she’ll be humping the place settings before she’s through. Sophie’s droll reaction indicates that she knows well enough why Sam and Abbey expanded their family by adopting a pair of homeless millionaire adolescents rather than via the more conventional route.

By the way, does anyone know how old exactly Sophie is supposed to be? Is she ten, or forty and suffering from some kind of glandular condition? Her little lilac pantsuit is kind of freaking me out.

Dick Tracy, 10/8/07

Calling the heads in Dick Tracy “enormous and terrifying” isn’t exactly breaking new ground, but — God damn, those heads in panel two are enormous and terrifying. They sort of remind me of characters from video games in the mid-90s — two-dimensional drawings wrapped freakishly around some overly simplistic polyhedron. Anyway, the face on the front of the slightly smaller and less terrifying head in panel two looks glum, and why shouldn’t it? Dopey Dmitri and now-exploded Gretchen get all the credit in Dick’s exposition, but what about him? Doesn’t he at least rate an unimaginative and stereotypical name, like “Ivan” or “Hans”?

Gil Thorp, 10/8/07

Huh, so Cully Vale is a murderer. I’m assuming Gil already knows this — he always seems to be one step ahead of his cretinous students (a talent that sadly doesn’t seem to translate to his coaching, but never mind that for the moment). Since Gil seemed pretty blasé about having his baseball team coached by a fraud, it should come as no surprise that he’s let a cold-blooded killer into his locker room; I would have thought that the strip would have worked up to this with maybe a little light drug dealing first, but heck, why not just go for the gusto right away. I can’t wait for the cops to come question Coach Thorp about all the bodies only to have him reply with a resounding “Eh.”

174 responses to “Soapy Monday”

  1. AppleGirl
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Do you think Drew and her dad will go to the Bum Boat for dinner? No doubt Mary and the doctors are still there having dinner, five days later. Can’t wait to find out!

  2. Helena Handbasket
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, AppleGirl, that would be kind of perfect. By the way, that’s Dawn, Drew is one of the doctors, but the people are all bland enough that it’s easy to mix up names.

  3. Chris
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    You know, I’m getting to think that Sam Driver’s nickname in law school was “Ben Dover.”

    And that Rex Morgan went to the same university’s medical school.

  4. Lake Eerie
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Who is Dick Tracy talking to – us? Haven’t we been following this damn story since the old ex-spy began his car ride in February 2003 (and two or three times a month after that)?
    Locher, you had a chance to wrap this thing up last week! Now you’re going to tell us what happened again and again until 2008?

  5. Keg of Curd
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Approached by that gadabout Rusty,
    Young Sophie was heard to pout thusly:
    “Your dress doesn’t fit,
    And your silly, fake tits
    Are squashed, where they should be out-thrusty.”

  6. Lake Eerie
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Am I way behind the curve here, or could Sophie of Judge Parker have been separated at birth from Sally Forth’s daughter?
    At least someone on this strip has acknowledged the, er, mammarian circus.

  7. Sans Sense
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Update: The Bum Boat is under new management, it is now known as the Ass Factory.

    RMMD: They’re not even out the door and Rex is disappointed. That boom box will not come close to covering Niki’s screams for help…

  8. Big Sims
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    NY caption;
    “Do you think your obsession with Family Circus has gone a little too far?”

  9. Lord-z
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    I have no idea who the heck Ms. Duncan is, but she does fit in well in the Judge Parkerniverse. I mean, her chest is ready to rip that dress in half, if she shoved it a little more into little blonde girls face.

    I hope that Cully killed someone interesting. Like, a president. “Coach Thorp, Coach Thorp. Stud Left Tackle Cully Vale was the second Gunman on the grassy knoll. I saw it on the internet”.

  10. DarkSir
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Drew did indeed say “Sure, why not?” on July 23. Talk about a memorable line to remember bitterly.

  11. Chris
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    J.P.–Uh, Rusty, I’ll be in my bunk.

    D.T.–VERY disappointed at the lack of another “My Gretchen.”

    G.T.–It’s going to turn out that Cully Vale used to stand up, and that he killed an audience.
    Get it? “Killed” them?? I crack myself up

    M.W.–Dawn’s remembering, verbatim, Drew’s response when she suggested pegging him.

  12. Dingo
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Niall, last thread. There is an Ottawa, Illinois. When I first began working in Chicago, my boss asked me where I lived and when I said “Ottawa” she replied, “Oh. THAT explains the accent.” I have a stereotypical Midwestern accent, not Canadian.

    Once, on a date, a man asked me where I lived and when I said “Ottawa” he asked me if I drove ten hours just to have dinner with him. Yes, yes. There are no gay men in Canada. You have to drive from the nation’s capital to the Miami of Canada – Chicago – for good vittles and some decent snogging.

    I would like someday to have sex in Canada so that I can shout, “Gimme that true patriot love!”

    Oh, and I want a new comic: Drew Cory, Peg Boy

  13. Chupper
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I hope the next mystery Dick Tracy investigates is who put Washington D.C. inside a wind tunnel. If they don’t get inside soon, those cheek dunes on everyone’s faces will probably stay there forever. By now I assume Gretchen’s remains are spinning in a cyclone over the Pentagon.

  14. willethompson
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    #13 Dingo: And when you add “At all thy son’s command…” it adds a fun Rex Morgan S&M vibe to it.

  15. firegoat
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    to continue a theme

    Like my dress? Rusty said with a wink
    With cleavage that almost shows the pink?
    Sophie may be flat
    But she slayed that cat
    With the simple one-liner “You think?”

    No offense to Cassandra Cat btw….

  16. calico
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Heh, Fred Gwynne makes a cameo in panel two of DT.

    DtM – Joey peeing pants in woods – I absolutely hate the FW-smirk on Henry’s face. C’mon, one FW is enough/too much.
    BTW, did you know in the 60′s and perhaps 70′s that occasionally Joey would say “Yeth” instead of “Yes”? The antithesis of PC.

    JP – so Soph is not only precocious as hell, she’s also coming out waaaaay early. Way to go, mini-genius.

    SlyFox from other day with frog in bottle – Count Weirdly used a plunger and a whole tube of K-Y to get the thing in there.

    Speaking of lube or lack thereof, nice work Dingo for the Archie dog-sex mashup the other day!
    I’ve had both male and female dogs mount my leg (my current 14-yr. old female Pom likes to use this odd form of attempted dominance on me from time to time), but it never escalates past that point.

    FOOB – I see Elly is desperately trying to work off the eating binges. At least 2 million NYC women should be doing the same thing now too.

  17. calico
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    RM – wait ’til Rex hears Fiddy for the first time.

    MW – at least we won’t have to hear Dawn go all Streisand on us. Not yet.

    Zits and Hagar – coincidence, or is the world really coming to an end?

  18. Islamorada Girl
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    [DT] GT: I think Cully Vale probably killed his agent when he found out all he could get was a guest role in this putrid strip. And no jury could be found who would vote him guilty.

  19. Underclassed
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Oh man, Rex Morgan is totally going to go into a drinking and driving morality tale. Please, please, please let Rex show young Cully Mary Worth strips circa Aldomania as a cautionary tale.

  20. Razmytaz
    October 8th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Given all the arecho-OS and comp language snark directed at Pluggers yesterthread, I’m surprised no one brought up OS 360 (Slash-Slash) or, dare I invoke it, RPG. (*quickly casts cornuta to avoid the evil eye*)

  21. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    ABOUT MY CAGE:

    Hey Kids,

    I want to thank you for all the concern/questions over ‘My Cage’ in the Houston Chron.

    We haven’t been dropped yet, but I think what’s going on is they’re testing the waters now that they’ve been running it a few months to see if it’s ‘earning it’s keep’.

    If you read the strip on Houston Chron, please let them know by writing them at the following e-mail address:

    comics@chron.com

    (If this is inappropriate, I apologize to Josh and I’ll understand if he deletes this)

    So, if you like the strip and want to see it returned, please write.

    Thanks.
    -Ed

  22. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Coach Thorp: Whaddya mean we let a serial killer in the school? Whaddya mean it’s in the Google? I don’t see any… Wait a sec… I had safesearch on! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

    Keg (#5) Snarf!

    Calico (#16) I’ve had both male and female dogs mount my leg, but it never escalates past that point.

    Well, have you tried getting them drunk?

    (veal, waitress, and so forth)

  23. Minnie
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    JP: I thought Sophie was 13 and big sister Neddy was 20 but don’t know where I picked that up.
    The following has them a bit younger:
    http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/jparker/about.htm

  24. jules
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    I assumed Sophie was in her jammies, but it is only dinnertime, so maybe it is a pantsuit. Scary, scary. Also, please don’t tell me forty is when I have to start wearing lilac pantsuits; I’m rapidly approaching forty, and I thought I had another thirty years AT LEAST before I started up with the pastel pantsuits! Help!

  25. Allie Cat
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Oh Elly – your pithy, ill-timed sense of humor is almost as large as your gelatinous ass.

    FW – I wonder if you can actually get ashes through airport security these days? Les should have Fed Exed them – that’s what my cousin does with his (medical) marijuana (no, really it is medical) when he flies.

    Lisa wants to be scattered in Central Park. I was there on vacation just a few days ago, and it is quite nice, but I have to think the park patrol would frown on this. I saw one of the patrol-women go apeshit on a rickshaw bicycler for stopping his bike to let passengers off. It was ridiculous.

    My point being, I think this ill-fated trip to NYC is going to have some hiccups. At the very least, maybe they’ll get some decent bagels – and if Summer is lucky, Les will get some cheap tickets to Mary Poppins.

  26. Josh
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Ed Power #21 — No worries! I am all in favor of people writing letters to newspapers in support of comics that they like (despite what yesterday’s Retail might have you believe).

    Josh

  27. Darkefang
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G: It’s just as I suspected: Margo’s mind is absolutely pornographic.

    BB: It looks like the army chose Camp Swampy for its’ new program to test out the effects of LSD exposure on the troops.

    DT: If Dick plans on explaining away all the plot holes in this story, we’re in for about six months of post-blowed-up-Gretchen exposition.

    FC: Either Jeffy is using the Family Circus to assassinate the reputations of his siblings, or Billy is one smug bastard.

    FW: Did that promise to Lisa include sending a letterbomb to Funky?

    GT: Cully murders people you say? Then I’ll bet he’d be more comfortable playing running back.

    JP: Rusty Red’s negotiation technique seems to revolve around slowly becoming less and less clothed over the course of the day. Maybe Sam will actually start paying attention when she’s down to a wet t-shirt.

    MT: Is Homer going to punch a fish? I’m not positive, but that might actually be more awesome than punching a guy’s beard off.

    MW: Next: Drew gets kicked in the Bum Boat!!

    Shoe: I guess the guys who write/draw Shoe are hoping we don’t notice that today’s strip is a re-run from 1965.

  28. BigTed
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    “Quoting a man I once knew, ‘Guess what? You and I are no longer dating. Sure, I could have broken up with you, but I thought it would be easier simply to stop calling, then let you see me drooling all over my new girlfriend. Can’t you take a hint? If not, here are some beautiful red breakup roses, which don’t send a mixed message at all. Why don’t you keep them forever and watch them slowly wilt, like your future chances of happiness? Oh, and have a great day.’ “

  29. Tim O'Shenko
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I don’t comment very often (I feel content to sit back and leave the snarking to the professionals), but I just gotta break my silence over today’s FOOB:

    What really bothers me is Lynn’s blind proclomation that once you’ve moved into an assisted living home, you’re as good as dead.

    Now, I work in an assisted living home. And yes, during my time there, I’ve seen quite a few people pass on. I’ve seen some transferred to hospitals or nursing homes, never to return. But there are a few I know who went to other facilities for more specialized care, and did manage to return. Still others actually did manage to move out and live on their own again.

    But the more implicit insult framed in the conversation between Elly and her jogging buddy is that senior care facilities should be feared like the icy hand of death itself. Levels of care differ from rest home to rest home, and as shows like Dateline frequently point out, some homes are downright atrocious. But there are also good facilities that do a lot more for the residents than keep them comfortable while they wait for death. Even small, (relatively) cheap homes like the one I work at provide the residents with a sense community and a variety of activities so the folks have something to do besides stare out the window. And for a facility with a two-year waiting list, I would imagine Chinnuts and Iris would be very cozy.

    But no. Dying in a nursing home would be to die without dignity. The noble Patterson should die in the home he’s lived all his life.

  30. Squid Countess
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know where my head is at. In Milford, Cully Vale (probably with his cousins Shady Dell and Hilly Dale) has killed someone and over at Apt 3G, Margo is sniffing Eric’s Mills’ neck for freshness before slicing, yet I’m still obsessed with Shirley duck and her dumplings, er, ducklings. I’m sure they won’t be dumplings. Homer will do something.Maybe catch the fish with his bare hands and beat it on a rock. Homer can’t take much more, though. He hasn’t slept in 2 weeks. We’re looking at murder-suicide shortly.///Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on in Gasoline Alley? I have never been so lost. Slim and Clovia are on vacation. Skeezix is watching the garage, and sent Fireball out on a call. Then there’s the doofuses with the mule cart and a haunted house…? What?

  31. Mariko
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    The shocking revelation in Gil Thorp made me laugh. Quite a bit.

  32. Atomic Bird
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: So Grandpa Jim is moving on up? To the East Side? To a deluxe apartment in the sky?

  33. kat
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    GT: Honestly, if I were Gil, I’d be less concerned about Cully “With a Name Like That…” Vale than I’d be about my quarterback suddenly turning into Cheryl Miller in panel two.

  34. Chris
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #25 Allie the Cat: “I think this ill-fated trip to NYC is going to have some hiccups.”

    Yep, sending Les over the brink into stark, raving madness.

    It’s taken ten long years to get to the point where he can now undergo psychotherapy.

    FW: It’s a laugh a minute.

  35. Jonflip Zooza
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    In a shocking turn of events, Cully Vale killed his pet duck shortly after buying it and naming it Homer. He had gone insane from reading the duck plotline in Mark Trail over and over again, being locked in his secret room filled with past newspapers. As he was being droven off for execution, Fox News reporter Vully Cale asked him what this would mean for his carreer as a muffin. Vale responded with a “Quack! Aaaaaaah!” and was shot numerous times with a tranquilizer gun. The police then turned their attention to mr. Gil Thorp, who is believed to have locked Vale in. Thorp had escaped via his own personal jet, but was later found dead, laying in the remains of the jet, which were lodged in a tree. Police are still trying to figure out the cause of Thorp’s death.

  36. Saluki
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    27 Darkefang : It’s psychedelic Monday in the Beetle Bailey universe. Someone pointed this out last week.

  37. benzo
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    GT: Don’t judge him too harshly. Walking around with the name Cully Vale your whole life, you’d be bound to snap at some point.

    Marvin: I could make a lewd joke about a girl having an addiction to sucking things but these are babies we’re talking about here. I should probably hate myself for even thinking of it.

  38. britbike
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    #21, Ed Power. Consider it done. If it matters to them at all, I actually subscribe to the physical inky Chron, so I wanted to be sure to get my “Keep “My Cage”‘ opinion noted. I even said “please.” Hope it helps.

  39. Hostrauser
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wait a minute… Dawn just agreed to a date with Milhouse’s dad?

  40. HBGlord
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    #30 — Here’s that GA roundup you foolishly asked for, Squid Countess (and i know it’s been a while, but i am back, and i hope to stay).

    As you may recall, the story began with Slim hating on a basketball court that mysteriously materialized adjacent to his house, as well as hating on a stereotypically African-American population that also mysteriously materialized out of nowhere. Not owning any queen-size clean white sheets that wife Clovia would let him cut and tailor, his Plan B, having a ‘Nam vet pal with a helicopter drop a meteor (!) on them, predictably backfired when it crushed his beloved truck.

    From there, the story gets weird (boy-oh-boy, it’s great to say that after what i just wrote).

    After Slim briefly matriculates at the laughing academy, he and Clovia head for a beach vacation, leaving the GA garage in the liver-spotted hands of longtime retired former owner Skeezix. Jim Scancarelli deus-ex-machinas a surly mechanic employee called Fireball, who promptly assholes his way onto Skeez’s bad side. Fireball reluctantly goes out on a call to fetch someone’s broken-down hoopty, but after several hours hours he hasn’t been heard from. Having lost all faith in humanity, especially son-in-law Slim, the ‘Zix leaves the garage in the hands of Our Favorite Bumpkin Domestic Partners, Joel ‘n’ Rufus while he investigates the disappearance of Fireball. At last account, he winds up in the Universal backlot that houses the Bates manse.

    Hillbillies and power tools, a pensioner in a haunted house: Here’s where things will get interestinzzzzzzzzzzz…

  41. Godzooky
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    JP: Apparently, Sophie’s upset her cry for help hasn’t gotten results.

    (Memo to Barretto: Could you at least move her up to Stage II?)

    #21 Ed Power: Sent an e-mail asking for re-instatement. Hope it helps.

  42. jayhawk88
    October 8th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    You know when Sophie gets boobs of her own and learns how to use them, there’s pretty much no stopping her from taking over the world.

  43. Pozzo
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Being one step ahead of Gil’s students isn’t really something to brag about. It’s like being one step ahead of Inspector Clouseau, or a better singer thatn Marlee Matlin.

  44. Godzooky
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Some comics-related items of note:

    Newsweek feature re: a Charles Schulz biography.

    A newsfromme.com item re: a 1960 “Beetle Bailey” cartoon, complete with YouTube clip.

    Also from newsfromme, a report/commentary re: an upcoming Milton Caniff exhibit in Ohio.

  45. Lake Eerie
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    44 Godzooky:
    Good find – I saw something on Netscape on how unhappy Schulz’s family was with his portrayal in the book.
    One item sure to generate controversy is the chapter devoted to “Sparky” advising Lynn Johnston on dropping extraneous characters and finding a way for Liz and Anthony to get together.

  46. June Morgan's Larger Breast
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    #21 Ed Power: I sent a very polite note thanking the Chron for the easy access to all my faves but expressing worry about losing My Cage. I’ll show you Retail**shakes fist**
    Haven’t been able to read or post much because a new job with a 70% pay increase dropped in my lap out of the blue and I’m so grateful I’m being a dutiful employee. Dingo, if I missed you finding a job, congratulations, if you still haven’t take courage, miracles do happen!
    P.S. My sister died of cancer 9 years ago. I’ll never get the sound of her kids crying “Mommy” when they were told death was minutes away. That was Christmas Day, too. Batiuk, cancer “survivor ” that you are, you still don’t know what you’re writing about.

  47. Citric
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is Combover McHairyarms hitting on his own daughter? Is MW just dabbling in implied incest or preparing its readers for a full force family love-fest?

  48. Kijikun
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, are you sure you’re not Benton Fraser?

  49. Godzooky
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    GT: I’m a long way from high school, but do football coaches usually spend the afternoon at bare desks with battery-operated cord-free phones (doesn’t even have the coiled cord for the handset) and untethered laptops with blank screens? And do they usually share their snarky opinion about their top player’s ability to express himself with one of their their worst-performing players? Just wondering.

    (Oh, and the news has reached “This Week in Milford.”)

  50. rhymes with puck
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Yes, Dad, I’ll never forget when I asked Drew if I could ride him like a horse and he said ‘Sure, why not?’ Those were good times, Dad, good times.”

    FC: Boy does Jeffy think he was a really stupid kid.

    Marmaduke: Marmaduke is taking a dump on the family’s guest.

    9CL: Hey, look! A random couple is getting married!

    SF: I just don’t understand why Ted can’t find a job. In today’s workforce, with an unemployment rate of under 5%, only someone with absolutely no talent whatsoever would stay unemployed like this…wait, never mind.

  51. Ukulele Ike
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Ed Power @ 21: “The most creative and amusing new strip I’ve seen in several years,” I said about ya, I said.

    Also added a nice gracious “Please,” and didn’t mention the fact that I live in Brooklyn, so the Chronicle needn’t give a damn about my opinion.

  52. Sans Sense
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    JP: Next up… Red Sophie – Power Valkyrie of Business (and boobs)

  53. bats :[
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    12. Dingo: well, a lot of ideas get pitched: whether they make it to a series is something else entirely.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1518351922/

  54. John Hewitt
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Quoting a man I once knew… “I sure could go for a spotted dick right now.”

  55. Jym
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    <blink>DROP EVERYTHING!</blink>

    =v= Today is Cephalopod Awareness Day. With best regards to Squid Countess, Lio, and (how did we miss these?) Too Much Coffee Man.

  56. commodorejohn
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Rowr.

    BB – Like I said the other day, this surreal meta-jokery seems out of place in a strip like Beetle Bailey, but it’s really one of the most entertaining things about the strip.

    Blondie – It’s like a Pluggers strip. “Pluggers pick the same lottery numbers every time. It’s easier to remember and they’ll never win anything anyway.”

    Curtis – Oh please, please, please don’t just abandon last week’s storyline…you already faked us out once, don’t do it again!

    DT – Is anyone else as freaked out as I am by how often the characters in this strip speak from a tight-lipped grimace? His mouth isn’t even open. How is he speaking?

    FOOB – So…I don’t want to jump on the “ha ha Canadian healthcare waiting list” bandwagon, but if it really does take two years to get a spot in a Canadian nursing home, man, that nationalized healthcare thing does suck. Not, of course, that one would be eager to get into any nursing home, though Elly certainly seems peppy about the prospect of shuffling her (eugh, male) dad and his non-Patterson personal-care assistant wife off to someone else. This, no doubt, reflects Lynn’s joy that she won’t have to draw Grandpa Jim anymore, and the number of characters with a (UGH) penis in her strip will be that much closer to zero. (Insert joke about Michael and Anthony not counting.)

    FW – Oh, so that was the promise: to use the ashes in a mixer and go on a Lisa-fueled bender with Funky! Ha ha, this is actually worth all those months of misery and pain! Ha ha ha-OH GOD. He’s going to throw her ashes into the leaf piles, because he promised they’d jump in the leaves on her deathbed. God, even the promise in the movie The Promise wasn’t this appallingly lame.

    GT – You know, I should have guessed when I saw him that Cully Vale would be Gil Thorp‘s Boo Radley.

    JP – …is a little subtlety too much to ask for? I mean, I like looking at Rusty’s busty and snarking on Baretto’s loving attention to it as much as the next guy, but this is hardly sporting.

    MF – “I support freedom of speech, I just don’t support free speech.”

    MT – His Shirley-sense is tingling!

    NS – You know, Wiley, The Far Side and Calvin & Hobbes beat you to the punch on the two aspects of this strip by years and years. Just thought you might like to know.

    RMMD – Okay, it was easy enough to make the jokes with the dialogue Wilson & Nolan have been feeding us, but when they actually draw Rex Morgan as Michael Jackson, it’s just too damn easy.

    SFx – Very nice, Slylock. Now how about catching the thief?

  57. Maggie
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I kept thinking that Sophie seemed oddly familiar and then, today, it hit me: She’s clearly the long-lost twin sister of X-men’s Layla Miller.

    In fact, given that I seem to recall Layla just magically popping into existence while the entire Marvel universe was caught in a weird alterna-reality, Sophie might actually BE Layla.

    Although, to be fair, Layla has much better fashion sense.

  58. mattt
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    GT So when is Coach Kaz going to power of Super-Hire-Another-Private-Eye-ing to get to the bottom of this?

  59. benzo
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Can some one please fill me in on what in the holy MFing hell is going on in the first panel of todays Sally Forth. At least… it looks like it’s one panel. The only other explanation I can think of is that it’s two panels mashed together in some bizarre post-modern fashion. Anyway, it looks like the first Ted is sitting on the second Mother in-laws lap. And that’s just awful. What if Sally were to walk in?

  60. Jadis White
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of synchronicity in the comics (re: Zits and HTH), did anyone notice that both F-Minus and Rose is Rose have “monsters under the bed” themes?

    Does anyone else remember the day when a bunch of artists got together and all decided to do strips about golf on the same day? It doesn’t seem that long ago but I bet it was years ago…

  61. Poteet
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    DT — Looking at the bright side, Dick has finally regrown an almost-normal index finger in Panel Three. This tends to confirm my theory that he’s part lizard.

    # 40 — HBGlord, I thank you. After reading your excellent hilarious rundown of recent GA and realizing that in fact you are not making up a single insane incident, I am finally deleting that strip from my regular reading list. I have only one life, and enough is enough.

  62. gnome de blog
    October 8th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Your Popeness:
    If I remember right, Sophie mentioned when they first arrived in Trudiland that she just turned 14. Or maybe it was 13. Hell, I don’t remember. But it’s back there in the archives someplace. I’m too lazy to look, too.

    Anyway, 13, 14, whatever. The pastel pantsuit is probably compensation for her sister taking a left turn to slutsville a while back.

  63. Concrete Queen
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Today’s MW brings into question exactly how many people Dawn knows, since she doesn’t seem to realize that “Sure, why not?” isn’t at all noteworthy enough to be quoted, and is, in fact, common vernacular. Perhaps that creepy father of hers kept her locked away from all society but his own, and her adventure with Drew was her first grasp at freedom that went sadly awry. At least she got to go “horseback riding” at their “special place” before her father says “I told you so” and locks her up once again. For her own good, of course.

  64. Paperback Rifler
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Hey all —

    No snark from me today; for some reason, I just keep reading Judge Parker over and over. It’s the darndest thing.

    Anyway, I hope I’m not jumping the gun here, but My Cage popped back up when I checked the Chron site. Happy day!

  65. Dub Not Dubya
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread 83, Little Guy: I’m a Lea Delaria fan, too, and I even got to meet her before she got famous. I was in a gay bar in Atlanta attending a fundraiser for an ACT UP action that was happening there the next day, and I was standing on a stairway watching the show. This woman went by me on the stairs saying something like, Whew, I have to get out of here for a while–the smoke is really getting to me. I kind of nodded. She said, but don’t leave because I’m going to be performing in just a little while. So I thought to myself, aw, what a sweet woman. And then I saw her show. If I could get away with it, the contrast in her performance persona and her interaction with me was truly Scaduto-worthy. Months later, I also got to see her perform in “Dos Lesbos,” a show which has my favorite ever parody of “The 12 Days of Christmas,” called “The 12 Days Home for Christmas.” Sample from the countdown: “Do you smoke marijuana? What’s this in your suitcase? Still no boyfriend? Visit your Aunt Ruby. You should get a job. You’ve put on some weight. You have no good clothes to wear!”

  66. commodorejohn
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Should we just call an Aunt Fritzi Alert for Judge Parker?

  67. Deeeeelightful
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    is it just me or does anybody see the connection between young sophie, and everybodies favorite meddling darling, mary worth? I mean, honestly, who else could pull off such a smart pantsuit, and still have time to be judgemental?

  68. Capthom
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Remember the great April Fool’s Day Switcheroo?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comic_strip_switcheroo

    I’d love to see something like that again, but I suspect it would be hard to pull off nowadays.

  69. BlinkAndItsOver
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    While quoting a man she once knew,
    Dawn has echoed a bon mot or two.
    But that smart “Sure, why not?”
    Is so right on the spot,
    It’s the apex of wit, Doctor Drew!

  70. HBGlord
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    #61 — Two people, one strip written by a madman, two different reactions: Poteet, I, for one, can’t get enough of the insanity that GA has become, though i do wish i had your ability to resist looking straight at this trainwreck into the side of a tractor-trailer carrying porcelain tureens filled with tapioca pudding.

    How will we raise our kids?

  71. Nekrotzar
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m envisioning a “Sure, why not?” T-shirt. Possibly with “Maybe another time – The Tao of Drew” on the back.

  72. TurtleBoy
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    DT: Your head a splode!

  73. Hortense
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    FW: Unlike Therese, Lisa forbid Les from growing a mustache, now that she’s dead he’s going to do whatever the hell he wants with his facial hair.

  74. Brandon
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    The expository box in Judge Parker makes me a little giddy. “Just before dinner, Sophie and Rusty meet each other in the hallway!” Is it really so exciting so as to include an exclamation point? “Sophie and Rusty meet each other in the hallway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^o^”

  75. Nightingale
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    GT: If Cully’s a murderer it would explain the hencetofore unexplainable cracking of necks in panel two of last week’s comic of the game…..

  76. DaveyK
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Dress? Since when does a “Let’s get Physical” work-out top and what appears to be a shawl or button-down shirt allowed to droop off the shoulders qualify as a dress?

  77. Moss_Moses
    October 8th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Sophie is supposed to be 14 and Neddy is 18. Sam told his buxom former classmate this when she was prying him for information about his “family”. The problem with that is Sam didn’t specify real world years or JP years. If she is 14 in Judge Parker days, that would be about right. If it’s 14 in JP years her age would have to be measured in geologic terms rather than in human lifespan terms… If Sophie is supposed to be a teenager, she certainly is a runty, sickly underdeveloped freak of a fourteen year old and a frequent target of school bullies.

    Bold muskie prediction – no duckling kill, despite the past week of threatening poses. The fact that a muskie lives in this lake is a good case for setting Lost Forest in Wyoming, rather than Georgia, as some had suggested.

    Heart of Palms, The Bum Boat, Smitty’s Chophouse… What about HopSing’s DieNasty Carryout? Why must they always eat western food in Santa Royale? What an enclave of waspy whiteness in a state known for diversity.

  78. GG
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Wait. Did these kids in Gil Thorp discover Cully Vale is a murderer by Googling his name? How in hell is that supposed to work? There’s three possibilities I can think of, none of which make sense:

    1. They found a news article about Cully Vale killing someone (in which case this would be public knowledge).

    2. They found info on a different Cully Vale and are too stupid too realize (“Cully killed someone! He’s also actually 47 and from Sasketchewan!”).

    3. Cully Vale has a really, really indiscrete livejournal (“Mood: pumped :). Music: Panic! at the Disco. Today I, Cully Vale, killed and dismembered a drifter! g2g, lol!”

  79. SecretMargo
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    59: S4th frequently does those borderless panels, presumably to show the flow of time in a more….flowing manner, I guess. The problem is, it never, ever works: part of the grammar of comics includes using gutters as a type of punctuation showing temporal progression. You can’t just abolish it without compensating in some way, it would be like suddenly deleting all the commas out of a paragraph and making no other changes. Today’s strip is a particularly egregious example of why this doesn’t work — it looks like the dowdiest lesbian twin-on-twin four-way imaginable, as you point out.

    I really like S4th otherwise, actually, but this aspect drives me a little batty.

  80. Keg of Curd
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    #60 – Does anyone else remember the day when a bunch of artists got together and all decided to do strips about golf on the same day?

    Isn’t that, like, just about every fucking day?

  81. benzo
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    79: Well, I guess I just haven’t read enough Sally Forth to keep up with this. Thanks for the explanation.

  82. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    But it’s the last panel that really makes “Dick Tracy” today. CIA chief O’Casey (right name?) looks dopey and near sleep. Moreso than most people listening to Dick talk.

  83. Old Man Muffaroo [Hey, kids! Kip W!]
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    DT – Since we’ll probably be seeing him standing around while Dick explains things for the next couple of months, I’ll suggest that “Dmitri” is a form of the name “Dagwood.”

    MT – Is Muskie on the menu at the Bum Boat? I sense a solution that will make Everybody happy!

    Goodzooky @44 – More recently, news from me has featured the mind-stabbing opening of the Brodax “Snuffy Smith” cartoons. It’s bodacious!

  84. Alex Dailey
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    For Dawn to choose this quote to remember…weird. What would be even weirder is if Wilbur takes her to the same place she and Drew were in when he said it…but then again, that’s the world of Mary Worth.

  85. bats :[
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    77. Moss Moses re MW: I don’t think it’s a matter of ethnic cuisine in Santa Royale, just a matter of ‘hijinx economics’: the fewer restaurants available, the more likely that people are going to run into one another and uncomfortable situations (the ones that Mary Worth and her cronies find more succulent than prime rib or creme brulee) are likely to ensue. With any luck, Mary will be at the restaurant at which an ugly confrontation is brewing, ready to wag an accusatory finger as she defuses a volatile and possibly dangerous situation.
    That Mary!

  86. AhClem
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Sophie is 14. The proof is here.

  87. Calico
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    #11 – Well, I could say, “I’m retchin’.”

    #22 – Funny you say that because said female/mount/fluffhead/etc. liked wine a couple of years ago. Once a put a glass of wine on the living room floor next to the couch where I was potatoing, got up to go in kitchen, and heard “slurp slurp” – Pom boozing it up when I wasn’t looking.
    Needless to say I grabbed the glass and finished it off myself.

    She is now a teetotaler.

  88. The Divine O’F
    October 8th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    New Yorker: “We’ve kept the bowl in case he decides to come back.”

  89. Sans Sense
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    New Yorker: “My dear Crabtree, you’ve made it this far what could possibly be the harm of bringing out a few clowns? “

  90. mnemonica
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    77 Moss_Moses: If Sophie is supposed to be a teenager, she certainly is a runty, sickly underdeveloped freak of a fourteen year old and a frequent target of school bullies.

    Well, some of us were all that. Thanks a lot for the reminder.

  91. FightingAmish
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    FW – Forgive me if this has been addressed previously, but I’m a bit confused about the “fast forward” thing. Does the strip now take place in 2017? I can’t wait to see how (or if) the Iraq war ended and who became President.
    Or are we all supposed to think Lisa died in 1997?

  92. Zamboni_Rodeo
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    GA: Would it be too much to hope that ol’ Skeez has wandered across this house?

    My local fishwrap has been test-driving different comics the past several months. Some have been lucky enough to stay on (like Lio and Watch Your Head), others not so much (like Sherman’s Lagoon and the dismally abysmal Pajama Diaries. If you’ve never read it, don’t bother). I liked the most recent “guest comic,” Candorville, but it was apparently a little too out there for some of the paper’s readership. So, what do they follow it up with? Why, the original drunken conservative duck himself, Mallard Fillmore. Considering that my sorry excuse for a local rag still hangs onto crusty old strips like FC and the Big Dog, it wouldn’t surprise me if MF ended up hanging around a while.

  93. Old Man Muffaroo [Hey, kids! Kip W!]
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Divine O’F @88 – Now, that one I like.

  94. SecretMargo
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    88: TDOF – Hee!

    And Big Sims: I like yours too. Something about the two men just sitting there, awkwardly staring at each other, makes me think things like, Really, I thought the transition from Family to Bachelor Circus would be more exciting, but I can’t really get the punchline to work.

  95. Jamus The Bartender
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “They move up. To heaven. The pearly gates. Shuffle the mortal coil. Onto the great beyond. Walking those golden streets of glory. Taking a dirt nap. Goin’ to heaven. The Heavenly Hall Of Fame. Where Ditto won’t go if he don’t watch it with the jerkin’ it. Curtis too. Anyway. Scratch one Chinballs from your Christmas list.”

  96. Dicky
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    9CL: All I can think of when I see today’s strip is that he transmuted all of those humanoids previously gawking at Francis and Diane into hats. Truly Frightful.

    My Cage: Yay! It’s back on my built page again and on the listings page!

    PC: He changed his font. It won’t help his ideas any, but he did. And is it just the font looking all computerized or has the drawing in this strip become even worse?

    Marmaduke: Marmaduke looks disappointed that the human upon whom he is sitting is not male.

  97. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Ed Power @ 21 and Josh @ 26: I don’t want to discourage people from writing to the Chron or even to their local papers in support of strips they like; I myself am a fan of My Cage and think it deserves wider exposure. However, I am forced to point out that rumors of its demise on the Chron site are highly exaggerated. It’s still listed on the list page, still shows up when you click on its name, and still appears in my daily Build-A-Page… page. There have been a lot of problems recently with RBMA (the syndicate that serves a lot of the Chron’s comic images) going down, which affects a lot of comics, not just MC, and that could account for the problems people are seeing. You’re just noticing it more on MC because, honestly, if Redeye or Tiger or Cathy goes down, who cares?

  98. Dean Booth
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    NYer: “It’s almost paid for itself in the cost of Depends alone!”

    Yesterthread: Congrats to the COTWers. Great stuff!

  99. Calico
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    #56 – The health care issue in Canada is more serious in cities such as Montreal and Toronto, where some folks actually pay out-of-pocket to have surgeries done in a timely fasion in the US.
    In Quebec City, the situation is not so dire.

    Re: your comment on FW – reminds me of when Cartman mixed Kenny’s ashes with milk or something, thinking it was Ovaltine/Chocolate drink.
    Funny what the (sick) brain retains.

    #60 – the comix artists and writers should have a “Let’s take mescaline day” and see what happens.

    #74 – it would have been funny if they had used an Interrobang.

    GT – Cully…OJ…Cully…OJ…

    3G – speaking of Muskies, Margo…

  100. gnome de blog
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    77, MossMoses:
    Muskies are native to the Great Lakes region. Lost Forest has the feel of an old Hamm’s beer commercial (“FROM the land of sky-blue waters…(wa-a-ters)…” I vote for Minnesota, or perhaps northern Wisconsin.

    Besides, Mark hisself ain’t nothin’ like a good ole boy. He’s a Damnyankee if I’ve ever seen one, and I have.

  101. gnome de blog
    October 8th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    91 Fighting Amish:

    If you look at the picture in Wikipedia of the new characters, Wally is missing! I say it’s still 2007, and he’s still in Iraq. Everybody’s 10 years older, meaning we have to grant Batiuk a little artistic license, which I’m willing to do. We have fuzz over a few details, but that’s okay; myth is fungible.

  102. Aleph Null
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: I’m not a lawyer and certainly not a Gil Thorp aficianado, but just because “Cully killed somebody” doesn’t make him a murderer, as Josh
    would prejudge him.

  103. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    gnome de blog @ 101: My bet is that Wally died in Iraq, but less than 10 years ago. I can’t really wrap my brain around how that would work, temporally; I don’t think Batiuk can either, so he’ll either hand-wave it, or more likely, never mention Wally again.

  104. Calico
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    GT – trying to make associations:

    Cull:
    1 : to select from a group : CHOOSE
    2 : to reduce or control the size of (as a herd) by removal (as by hunting) of especially weaker animals; also : to hunt or kill (animals) as a means of population control
    - cull·er noun

    Vale – Veil?

  105. Bill_S
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    The left thug in Dick Tracy panel 2 looks like he should be named “Ice-Breaker Face”. And I don’t mean the kind of ice-breaker who is fun at parties. With respect to the Funky Winkerbean time-shift, does this mean that Crankshaft is dead in Funkyville? Or at least senile?

  106. Zamboni_Rodeo
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Would it be giving Batiuk too much credit to assume that maybe this FW time-jump thing is really just the Winkerbeanians all coming unstuck in time a la Billy Pilgrim? That’s how I get my head around it, anyway.

    Poo-tee-wheet?

  107. Little A.
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE: I guess my age is showing again, if I admit that I remember when Miss Beazley (sp.?) had chin whiskers and when Miss Grundy and Mike Doonesbury looked alike. And I remember when Reggie slicked his hair down.

    Now he looks like he never combs it all all.

    But some things of course never change. Jughead as we all know has been wearing the same beanie since about 1943.

  108. odinthor
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    NYer Contest — (First 7 suggestions at #19 in the COTW thread.)

    #8. “Well, Reginald, the rest of the audience just left. Maybe this ‘civilize the circus’ thing has gone too far!”

  109. Jamus The Bartender
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    From The Previous Thread.
    Dingo-I’m currently 39, thanks for the estimation.
    Happy Birthday Crooked Sorcidiae…damn, did I spell that right?

  110. SecretMargo
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    108: What do mean, you forgot the bread?

  111. Poteet
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    # 70 — HBGlord, as the child of a Catholic and a Unitarian, I think we’ll just have to present all the options when the time comes so our children can choose:-). I may return to GA someday, and that’s assuming I can actually quit it in the first place. It’s easier to state the intention than do the deed, and your narration is more enticing than the actual strip. Hmmm, let me read it again…

    STEVE CANYON — As I type this, I’m watching ANTIQUES ROADSHOW and am agog to see a repeat of the big drawing done by Milt Caniff in 1946 in front of a club meeting to introduce his new character Steve Canyon. Steve is shown between Feeta-Feeta and Copper Calhoon, the latter looking seriously peeved because Steve, who looks apprehensive to the point of sweat drops as he glances at Copper, has several lipstick kisses on his face, presumably applied by Feeta-Feeta. I’m kind of relieved that Feeta-Feeta actually got a little Steve action at some point, because so far in the actual strip, she hasn’t. And I’m not certain Steve has actually gotten any action in the strip either. Milt, you’re such a tease.

  112. odinthor
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    NYer Contest — Variation on mine above at 108:

    #8a: “Well, Reginald, the rest of the audience just walked out. Maybe ‘An Evening with Noel Coward’ really doesn’t fit well between the Bearded Lady and the Elephant Parade!”

  113. Poteet
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    # 110 — SecretMargo, I’m swooning with admiration.

  114. Poteet
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    # 113 — So much so that I didn’t notice that a “you” may be missing:-).

  115. Lynn J.
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    My Dearest Fable,

    Love is making bad puns about your loved one’s impending demise to deaden your emotional response when they actually kick it

    Love is being able to close your eyes to your loved one’s current suffering and needs by relying on your belief that they’ll be better off when they die and go to a Ptolemaic vision of heaven above our heads and weirdly bent, upward-pointing fingers

    Oh, hell … as you can see, my sweet Fable, I’m a bit depressed today. It’s the change in seasons that does it to me. The fat starts to congeal around my hips in preparation for a long, cold Canadian winter, and everything around me seems to die. The trees become skeletons. The curled, brown leaves swirl in the wind. The autumn air reeks of death. I can’t help pondering my own mortality, and knowing I may die without ever feeling the thrill of a certain Roopvillian’s red-hot lovin’.

    Generally when I get this depressed, I retcon a few more strips to add to John’s paunch. But even that’s not working these days. Without you, I have nothing to look forward to in life but drawing Michael pontificating over photo albums, on and on through autumn after autumn, until that old people smell is not the Eau de Iris I’m bottling and selling to further merchandize the strip (we’ve already done jewelry and bendy dolls, and doesn’t a For Better or For Worse perfume line sound divine? We’re testing Butter Tart and Tuna Casserole scents for Eau de Elly), but me.

    Adoringly yours,

    Lynnie J.

  116. SecretMargo
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    114: Shoot! I’ll accept a just a “swo-” then. [emoticon with smile]

  117. Ukulele Ike
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    SecretMargo@110:
    And when the Fool and Blind Man stole the bread
    Cuchulain fought the ungovernable sea;
    Heart-mysteries there, and yet when all is said
    It was the dream itself enchanted me:
    Character isolated by a deed
    To engross the present and dominate memory.
    Players and painted stage took all my love,
    And not those things that they were emblems of…..

    – Yeats, “The Circus Animals’ Desertion”

  118. Godzooky
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Hats coming.

    Bizarro: Hats going.

    Considering the dupe punchline in today’s HtH and Zits, maybe the cartoonists did have something going on today.

  119. Saluki
    October 8th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    GT

    They declared me unfit to live
    Said into that great void my soul’d be hurled
    They wanted to know why I did what I did
    Well sir I guess there’s just a meanness in this world

  120. Jym
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    =56= Blondie (commodorejohn): When it comes to the lottery (a.k.a The Plugger Roth IRA), the odds of any number winning is as astronomical as those of any other number, so it doesn’t matter what Dag plays. Seems to me that if he wants to be a billionaire again, though, he should go make up with his 130-year-old tycoon father.

    =104= GT (Calico): Vale as in “this vale of tears,” i.e., mortal existence. Which he has indeed apparently culled someone from.

  121. commodorejohn
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    #120 Jym – I know that, and you know that, but Dagwood the Plugger doesn’t.

  122. Big Sims
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Curious about muskies, and because Mark didn’t showcase them in his Sunday strip (Squirrels? Squirrels for Christ’s sake? WTF?) I looked up muskies on the internet and discovered the following:
    -There are many hot, single muskies in my area desirous of meeting me.
    -My muskie credit rating can be obtained for free.
    -Muskie.com is still an available domain name.
    -The savings are huge when you shop muskie online.
    Fascinating what you can learn online.

  123. The Lootinent
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s a foregone conclusion that, sometime far into the future, after Dick Tracy’s been killed by people or circumstances we know nothing about(the testicular cancer was trying to revive the War of 1812!), that Dick’s head will be planted onto Mount Rushmore… (really, do we need a giant head of Teddy Roosevelt?)… And when this happens, the dream of Dick will finally be fully realized, and whoever is writing the strip in 2143 will simply lay down and die of pure joy. We will later discover that the pure joy was actually a Communist spy.

  124. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious to me that Cully Vale is an anagram for “Cull ye Val.” Clearly, Cully is destined to kill someone named Val. Maybe even Prince Valiant. Or maybe just someone with a Prince Valiant hairdo.

  125. Big Sims
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    #123 – The Lootinent

    I love it. Love it Love it Love it.
    Yer gifted.

  126. Moss_Moses
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    90. Mnemonica, sorry for the painful memories. Sophie brings out the negative in me…Were you a child genius like her?

    100. Gnome, not that it matters, since Lost Forest is more a state of mind than a location and the laws of physics don’t apply there, but it is supposed to be based on Wyoming scenery, according to Jack Elrod and the range of the muskie extends to Wyoming. The snow capped mountains rule out Minnesota. The incompetent fish in Mark Trail that has been baring his teeth menacingly for the past week won’t end up actually eating any of the ducklings. He is probably a tiger mukellunge but this one is more like a tigger muskie. He’ll fail to catch the duck then won’t be able to understand the ducks’ hostility towards him.

    http://taurus.cnr.colostate.edu/projects/cofishguide/index.cfm?step=final&identifier=f7-2

  127. Allie Cat
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    MW – You know, I adore my Dad, but whenever I got dumped – it wasn’t so much he’d offer to take me to dinner – it was usually a diatribe calling the guy an asshole and making fun of some unfortunate physical trait or personality characteristic of the guy – like the dude with the short arms, or the sociopath who wouldn’t look my parents in the eyes.

    The good news is – he loves Mr. Cat. In fact, the two of them spent the weekend together drinking beer and smoking cigars while I globetrotted with my mom and sister.

    Wilbur’s energy would better be spent berating Dr. Drew then trying to lead his daughter down the calorie laden primrose path that he’s clearly been following. I mean – Dawn used to be “chubby” – are we enabling her emotional eating habit?

    Uh…maybe I’m reading too much into this.

  128. zachfightscrime
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    What really stuns me is that Milford is so well-known for being full of idiots that a murderer (alleged. whatever.) moved there, theoretically to escape his crime and get a fresh start, and didn’t even bother to change his name!!!

    I guess that’s a non-issue, since this will inevitably be some kind of wacky misunderstanding, courtesy of the town that only JUST discovered Google.

  129. kurt
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: Aside that Rusty is showing off her bod to Sophie, am I right a too small dress would flatten and compress the chest? So there is less of Rusty on show here?

    Meanwhile over at TASM, Peter and Mary Jane are contentedly yacking away about web swinging and movie sequels, oblivious to fact that __there are passengers around them !! Imagine the joy of someone cheerfully capturing the young-and-stupid couples’ remarks in hopes of later blackmail!

  130. mattt
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    #124 Spider-Brick Cully Vale is also an anagram for “cull a levy.” So I think he started a great series of flooding disasters and someone died.

  131. Buck Ripsnort
    October 8th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Now I remember where I saw Dmitri’s face before. It was in Wayne Barlowe’s Guide to Aliens.

    And am I just perving, or is Rusty coming on to Soph, no doubt in pure hormonal frustration?

  132. ChristianPinko
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    GT – Good to see that Gil Thorp is incorporating that Mark Trail influence, what with the talking tree and all. Just one more thing to love.

  133. HBGlord
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    #111 — Poteet, my using religious allegory for shameless flirtation purposes aside, if you’re suggesting i give you occasional Gasoline Alley Digests, i think i could muster that, and then you can save your precious sanity for more noble purposes. However, you would run the risk of missing Jim Scancarelli’s occasional ultrarealistic graphic depiction of a secondary GA character. I’m not that good a writer!

  134. Big Sims
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Secret Margo,
    The Family Circus NYer caption I’d reckon isn’t really for submission, just for laughs for us ‘toon-heads. I do like your idea about Bachelor Circus, but I can’t really weave a snappy one-liner out of it either.

  135. Poteet
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    PIBGORN — Oh, this is just lovely. More torture and killing of imaginary beings. What’s Brooke going to do next, cut off the head of a unicorn and leave it in someone’s bed? Use a machine gun on a fairy godmother? Pour concrete around Peter Pan’s feet and dump him in a river? Goodbye, PIBGORN, I’ve had it. You are now deleted from my list.

  136. True Fable
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Lynnie Baby!

    Aw, it just breaks my lil’ ol’ Southern heart to pieces to hear about your congealing fat, my precious little bipedal blubber boopsie. If everything seems to be dying around you maybe you shouldn’t live so close to Tom Batiuk. rimshot!

    And while it is true that my Red Hot Fable Love is at the height of its potency with the advent of cool weather, long walks and the anticipation of a glowing fire and a thick comfy hearth rug, I certainly wouldn’t want to put you in harm’s way. All that congealing fat you mention just might puddle and OH MY GOD MY EYES ARE BURNING we just couldn’t have that.

    Yes, little tundra tenderloin, your Eau My God Eau de Elly scents sound like a real treat. I trust you will consider the Oompha Floofa Schloss Toilet Water, and Bacterially Yours odor-eaters. For some reason those just come to mind when I think “Patterson.”

    Baby, don’t be sad that you will never know the Love of Fable. So many sweeties in the world miss out simply because the Greater Metropolitan Roopville’s airport simply doesn’t have enough flights in. But when you think of me, oh dear blonde tart, let your fingers do the walking and it’ll be all right.

    Sympathetically yours,

    Truman A. Fable
    Imagination Station

  137. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    So, “Dick Tracy” is set on Easter Island, right?

  138. Frank Parsnip
    October 8th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Jugs Parker: What I don’t understand is how Busty is supposed to be the lawyer representing the other (Caesar) side of the transaction, and yet she’s borrowed two separate outfits from Trudi already. I understand she and Sam go back a ways and that Sam’s Abbie is close with Trudi, but that’s not the same as Busty getting some right to squeeze herself into Trudi’s skin-tight outfits. Unless, of course, all this is a shallow excuse for the JP art crew to expose more and more mammaries through progressively tighter and more low-cut outfits.

    So far, these business meetings have included: 1) a long social “catching up” discussion between Sam and Busty; 2) a short mention of business; 3) a long walk (after shanging clothes) with lots of socializing; 4) a very short discussion of selling price; and now, 5) a “formal” dinner. What firm did Busty pick up these work habits from?

  139. RoboMax
    October 8th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    You know, for a comic based around the title character meddling, we’re not getting much in the way of real meddling here. Come on, Mary! Can’t you atleast give Drew such a stern lecture that he drives off a cliff in booze soaked dementia?! At this point, I’d settle for a drop in appearance where you talk about the courage and bravery of the people who work at the flower shop where Drew bought the roses. Give us something, you old hag!

    Meanwhile, over in Dick Tracy, everyone continues to look like they’ve been stung by bees.

  140. Eats Shoots And Leaves
    October 8th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    You know what would be great?

    Dr. Drew Corey and Margo Magee. That would be Awesome! Mostly because of what would happen when Mary tries to meddle. Who would win? Margo or Mary? Bitch or Biddy? One kind of evil or another kind of evil? Whoohoo!

  141. Gabacho
    October 8th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    #65 Dub Not Dubya and Yesterthread #83, Little Guy – I should have known that reference would not fall on dear ears. I had the experience of seeing Lea DeLaria when she was first, first starting out in San Francisco. I swear, my bull dyke friend Lor and I were the only ones laughing. She offended everyone else.

    Flash forward, oh say, 12 years, and she is appearing Miami Beach at the Colony Theatre doing a jazz concert. She was all smooth and fine. I love her stuff.

  142. Gabacho
    October 8th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    #139 RoboMax – Hit the nail right on the head. Where is Mary when not one, not two but three she claims to like can be humiliated and lectured? Plus a bonus slap down of Wendybur!! Nowhere, that’s where. Has she gone all Grandpa Jim on us? Bring her out.

  143. Catbus
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    #25 30-some years ago my father took his mother’s ashes through airport security.

    “What’s in there?” he was asked.

    “My mother,” he replied.

    Ah, the ’70s. A much simpler time.

  144. True Fable
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    #138 Frank Parsnip – Apparently Busty Duncan has been successfully playing off her obvious physical assets for so long, when she comes up against an idiot a man who has no use for them, she can’t remember enough REAL law school tactics to do any good.

  145. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Hey all,

    ‘My Cage’ is indeed back on the Chron. I’m not sure why it was gone, but I do know a lot of our myspace buddies weren’t happy it had disappeared for a few days either and wrote on their own (about 50 of our 200 fans on the main myspace page are from Houston and the surrouding area. Texas seems to really like us).

    Anyway, whether it was a glitch or they did ‘test drop’ us it’d nice to see a new strip like ours got responses here and on our myspace page before I (or KFS) even knew there was an issue.

    Don’t worry though. I won’t keep you guys updated every time a paper drops us, The Chron is just very important to me because of this blog and the fact like, 60% of our fan mail is from Texas (OT: Illinois is 2nd).

    Thanks though to those of you who wrote though.

    -Ed

  146. Andrea D. and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Anthony, I served with Joe Clark: I knew Joe Clark; Joe Clark was a friend of mine.

    Anthony, you’re no Joe Clark.

    So stop fucking around with the “Lean on me” bullshit and go back to tending your imprisoned daughter.

    P.S. Thank you for not sucking face with Lizardbreath in our presence for at least one month. Much appreciated.

  147. Helena Handbasket
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    #92 Zamboni_Rodeo: Aw, I actually like Pajama Diaries, for a couple of reasons.

    1. It shows a married couple who actually have sex and enjoy it, and acknowledge that fact to one another.

    2. I’m a work-at-home mom with a toddler, so in a lot of ways, it shows my life on a daily basis.

    I’ve fought the good fight to keep it in the paper out here, when people wrote in to complain about how the husband pinching his wife’s butt was too obscene for a family paper, and, “Think of the children!”, etc.

    Unlike a lot of other “family” strips, the mom isn’t a housewife, nor is her job something nebulous and rarely mentioned, and it deals with issues actually faced by working parents trying to keep their job, their sanity, their kids happy, and their marriage together. I like that it’s not stuck in 1955 and I like that it has humor without either descending into crudeness or wallowing in treacle.

    Of course, de gustibus non est disputandum, but I really like it.

  148. Sister Sestina
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    To bats:) of 103 last thread:
    Nope — the class was at California State University, Fullerton, sometimes called Cal State Disneyland. Something about Chaucer’s Middle English must bring out the Ye Olde Linguistic Pedant in many teachers. Or else my teacher didn’t have tenure and worked more than one campus — which wouldn’t surprise me.

  149. MJ1066
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Baby Blues:

    Yuck!

    That is all.

  150. bats :[
    October 8th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Some Tuesday thoughts:

    9CL: apparently in Brookeland, nuns and priests are cloistered from the age of five, so that they are completely isolated from the filth of the secular world.

    MT: oooooh….the excitement! Run…er….fly…uh….waddle to shore, Shirley! Watch your step, Homer! Stand on the bank and look stupid, Mark!

    Mutts: I luv Shtinky Puddin’s nose!

    FOOB: I think Elly’s a bit perturbed that Jim is “lucid” enough to be aware of visitors — he probably heard the comment about home-made pudding, and now she has to leave it for him. Curses!

    MW: to heck with Drew, Vera! Go the the Han Solo-esque flower-delivery dude!

    FC: ah, that book learnin’…dangerous stuff:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1520703355/

  151. Niall
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    57. Maggie: I read X-Factor. Your observation is absolutely brilliant.

    150 bats :[ : you’re on a roll today! That was indeed too tempting to pass up. And yes, I turned my head around to attempt to decipher exactly where these are from…

    Tuesday strips:

    A3G: Faster, Margo, Kill, Kill! …no, really: faster! Like, do something by weeks’ end at least!

    BB: Okay, this is a joke, right? Or did all cartoonists decide to suddenly make everyone sa homosexual as possible with the thickest innuendo available? I’m waiting for the inevitable conservative talk show report on this any day now.

    Curtis: so we’re not getting to the promised storyline, but I’ll happily take someone being rightly taken to task for Stupid Comics-like Behaviour any day!

    DtM: is Dennis’ mom talking about rips or about sadness? Or both? It doesn’t really work if said out loud.

    FC: the girl (I forgot her name and don’t care) looks about as bored as we are of those stupid remarks. So what does she have in her hands? Dare we hope some sharp knife?

    FW: Um, they can see it’s an urn, and I think they’re allowed on planes, right? Just because you are distraught does not mean they suddenly won’t do their job.

    JP: the sassiness continues, and Barretto must curse that he has to draw an all-black dress…

    MT: I am not that knowledgeable in animal physiology, but even I know that fish don’t have ears! They sense vibrations. And boy oh boy, we were all wrong – it’s Homer Vs Muskie night, tonight at the Coliseum! Getcha seats early for the bout of the century, folks!

    MW: isn’t that delivery guy the Meth Lab guy all cleaned up? And man, Drew still screws up the same way! Hey, genius, here’s a hint: woman talk to each other! Stop doing the same thing to both!

    Phantom: so the police, upon seeing this vandalism at work every night, still don’t patrol the area or find a young girl on her bike in the middle of the daynight suspicious?

    Popeye: I was wondering where the heck this storyline was going – and man, here’s the spin(coal)! Oh, and by the way, it’s “Yikes”, plural – never singular.

    RMMD: we stand corrected, the cap is on sideways, not backwards. So it’s 1990, not 1985. And yes, that look in panel one is what I would call pure, pure disappointment. Gee, that lasted long. Meanwhile, the subtext continues. I’m trying not to picture Rex’ penis with teeth at the tip.

    SFx: I don’t want to know exactly what it is the little girl just fell in love with. It’s all too disturbing.

    S-M: A week to get to the airport. A day to get cross-country, cross-city and into their apartment. Mr. Lee, let me tell you of a concept called “pacing”…

    DT: Wow, it took only one more day for the Baron to achieve Marlon Brando proportions. And yet he can still act better – because his mouth is shut!

    Garfield: the countdown has started. Three weeks til Liz says: “The cat, or me. Choose, Jon.” And we all know who he’ll choose. Unless this is the time Davis decides to reveal Jon leaves, Garfield is left alone, eats Odie to subsist a few weeks more, then we head back to a reprint of those “Garfield is dead” cartoons – and The End! (please? pretty please??)

    GT: so it’s easily available online. The police doesn’t know about it. The media don’t know about it or they would have contacted Gil. In fact, no one knows – but the internet knows!! ..what am I doing? I’m trying to make sense of Gil Thorp! Get me outtahere!!!

    PBS: Um, can we have a moratorium on these jokes, please?

    Pluggers: no no no NO!! Doesn’t Brookins know plain English and the difference between “online” and “in line”? There is No Joke Present. Pull the Plugs already!

    MC: they’re both joking in panel 3, but Norm needs to know the difference between flirting and creepiness. (His balding head already looks creepy enough.. no disrespect to the artist!)

  152. Poteet
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    10/9

    MW — Vera, you pathetic ponytailed unworldly sad sack, a box of roses is not a “flower arrangement.”

    RMMD — Yeah, just like predicted, that Niki sure ‘nough is afraid of disappointing Rex, yessirree.

    JP — I think we should get Rusty, MJ, Sophie, and that Hillary kid from Sally Forth in a room together with foam rubber bats and let them go at each other in a Bust Versus UnBust epic battle.

    MT — Is there any hope that Homer will drown? Damn, I was afraid not.

  153. SecretMargo
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    FC:

    so much depends
    upon

    a thin rubb’ry
    neck

    bent ‘neath the
    melon

    of an im
    bicile.

  154. Poteet
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    # 153 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, SecretMargo, and g’night all.

  155. Helena Handbasket
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    JP: Looking to run Josh out of a job, Sophie continues her snarking.

    MT: I am calling the next week-worth of plot. Homer trips, falls in the water, injuring himself in some way. Mark rescues him. Shirley (human, not duck) finds out about it, realizes she still cares, and they reunite. Ducks are safely moved to sacred duck shrine with big, “No muskies or turtles allowed!” sign.

    MW: Unlike Dawn, Vera sees through Drew’s thinly veiled attempt to salvage the situation and get some. Looks like the young doctor’s only chance is with the kitten bolier. You know, there was really good Fatal Attraction possibility in Dawn’s shirt combined with this plot. I’m kind of shocked that none of the ‘mudges wrote that one up.

    RMMD: Geez, Rex, how’s Niki supposed to do his “pole dancing” routine without the music?

  156. Razmytaz
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: and the sheer awsomeness of the blue peep prodgeny of Shirley mounts, as they take to the sky without being fledged, less than a day from hatching. They had nothing to worry about, given the guest appearance of the barky stick from Gil Thorp which gives that Muskie what fer.

  157. Trilobite
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s comics, served cold with dressing on the side:

    A3G: A partial list of more interesting topics than Lu Ann’s illness: drywall; farm subsidies; the layout and design features of the 1040 form; maintenance and repair of diesel bus engines; common properties of sedimentary rocks.

    A complete list of less interesting topics than Lu Ann’s illness: Tommie; Tommie’s love life.

    Dick Tracy: Oh, for the love of — now the Baron has a chip in him again? Unless that’s the same chip that used to be in Gretchen and it has now been imbedded in the Baron’s skin by the force of the explosion, this is a new low in Dick Tracy plotting.

    Judge Parker: Sophie lets fly with a delightfully ambiguous mental zinger. Does she mean “I’ll bet you don’t bust a seam after the pasta course,” or “I’ll bet you do hope you’ll bust a seam, you plasticine strumpet”? Because if it’s the latter, I’m totally with Busty Rusty, the Amazonian Queen of Torts: bring on the seam-bustin’ capellini! I want a full-on dress failure with full mammoreal blowout by panel two of Wednesday’s comic!

    Mark Trail: Awesome, now it’s Shirley’s chance to rescue Homer! I just hope she knows bill-to-mouth resuscitation, because I really don’t want to have to see Mark do the honors.

    Mary Worth: For a presumably well-off doctor who really loves Vera, Drew picked an awfully chintzy bouquet. Just a half-dozen red roses, man? That’s the same arrangement you sent your other girlfriend! If cost is a bigger concern for you than classiness, then why not send Vera a single white carnation, or a handful of daisies you swiped from the local park? Or one of those $2.99 lace roses that you can buy at the local gas station that’s actually a rolled-up thong?

    Rex Morgan: I know I’ve made fun of Niki the Amazing Starfish-Headed Boy before, but the goofy tilted desert-camo baseball cap is actually worse than his normal hairstyle, and I’d like it to go away. Or hey, put it on his mom’s head…I could do with less of the disco-afro frizz-explosion.

  158. Frank Parsnip
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    A3G: Unfortunately for Eric, Margo was planning to tell him all about Luann’s illness somewhere between a lengthy discussion of their relationship and a review of window treatment options for their future home together.

    Beatle Bailey: Hey, is that a cannon in your pants, or are you just glad to see me? BB straps on the smallest tank in the world in order to face down Sarge with a facefull of crotch-cannon. Even money on Sarge coming out of this with a face like a glazed donut.

    DtM: Mrs. Wilson’s feet are taking on some interesting shapes. Is that a cloven hoof she has?

    MT: So we finally get to see Homer without his hat and, sure enough, we can all see that Lisa Moore did have a moonlighting job set up that will allow her to continue beyond her work in Funky Winkerbean.

    MW: Vera’s revenge sex with the flower delivery guy was so vigorous that she lost the baby fat covering up her cheekbones. Flower delivery guy played by Tony Danza in a guest appearance. Cheekboned Vera to be played from here on in by Cate Blanchett. By the way, the Japanese name for the I’m-sorry-I-drew-you-into-my-web-of-lies art of flower arranging is called “ickybana”.

    Jugs Parker: Sophie, of course, is privvy to the fact that, like all of Trudi’s clothes, this is just a thin layer of body paint. Basically, Trudi’s closet consists of a rack of spray cans.

    RMMD: Rex forgot to negotiate this part of the “weekend experience” with May. Rex imagines this all being a romantic weekend of Rachmaninoff on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire, while Niki wishes to crank some metal at full volume as a coping mechanism. Niki would rather close up his mind and pretend he’s slaughtering dwarves with Ronnie James Dio instead of being taken up the caboose by an old, eau-de-mothball-wearing Rex.

    Mallard Fillmore: Oh, yes, Tinsley, someday conservative speakers will be protected from hecklers. Like the way that the Denver 3 were ejected from a public, taxpayer-funded townhall meeting because White House staffers know that Bush can’t stand to attend meetings where he can’t be assured that 100% of the people present agree 100% with whatever utter horseshit he’s shovelling lately? Or like how 40+ Americans in North Dakota were blocked from a similar public taxpayer-funded event because the GOP put them on an “enemies” list. Given this recent history, I’m not so sure that conservatives need protection from hecklers… although I wouldn’t be surprised if regular citizens need protection from Tinsley’s drunk-driving habits.

    Still, I’m relatively satisfied with any day that goes by without the duck trying to bait gays and blacks.

    TDIET: A bit of genius today. Not only true but also it helps highlight what a progressive relationship Rex and June have.

    BALLISTIC: Redeye vs. Tumbleweeds: Heap big fun at Tumbleweeds today. Chief of Poohawk tribe gets into linguistic trouble when he runs across double meaning of word “arms” with regards to soldier’s anatomy and weapons. Redeye caught looking at big mosquito. Tumbleweeds take today heap-big injun laugh. Make-um me pee loincloth and spend much wampum on dry-cleaning.

  159. True Fable
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    9CL Geez, Francis. Get a CLUE instead.
    A3G Oh, that! That whole almost asphixiated thing, yeah. Whatever, it’s not important because it was just Luann, not the Magnificent MARGO!!
    BB Sarge, you know how cranky Beetle gets when you don’t give him attention. Now make a pass at him and be done with it.
    Cathy (Must Die) Oh GROSS, gah, ick! “the wacky textures, tones and sassy natural splotches of my lovely, aging skin”? Since when did Cathy start hanging around with Lynnie?
    That’s just fsckin’ nasty.
    FC Yeah, and Billy? Some of the videos she likes best don’t really have much dialogue. Just a lot of grunting, sweating, and “ohh baby!” But she won’t let you watch those.
    FBoFW “I brought you some homemade pudding!” What IS it with feeding her family until they are stuffed, with Elly? Hospitals don’t have pudding? Oh- it’s homemade pudding, no doubt dripping with grease and seal blubber. That’ll teach the old boy to linger, yeah buddy.
    JP Sam won’t notice that Busty’s wearing shrink-wrap, he’s THAT myopic.
    MT And the muskie goes after Homer!
    MC why, Norm; you little pimp!
    RMMD But Niki, you mean you don’t like listening to “Lite FM” on Rex’s car radio? Think of all the Kenny G and Michael Bolton you’ll get to listen to on the way! yeah, you’ll wish you’d brought May’s stash with you now.
    TDIET TDIET responds to a letter from Rex Morgan.

  160. Uncle Lumpy
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    #157 Trilobite –

    Drew picked an awfully chintzy bouquet. Just a half-dozen red roses, man?

    Mary Worth is all about cost-effective emotional expression.

  161. SecretMargo
    October 9th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    MW: A “Sorry I drew you into my web of lies” flower arrangement? Does FTD also have an “Cheat, think, and tell Mary” nosegay? Or a “Don’t you von to come home and raise flippered children together” boutonniere?

    H&J: Oh, just who do you think you’re fooling Jamaal? That cord isn’t attached to anything. You’re not even holding a phone, you’re just responding to the echoes produced when you talk into that gourd you punched a hole into that night Herb told you he had a headache.

  162. True Fable
    October 9th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    #161 SecretMargo – Don’t forget the “Ride tiny horses at the same place I take my other squeeze” spray!

  163. SecretMargo
    October 9th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    159: Frank

    Basically, Trudi’s closet consists of a rack of spray cans.

    Which explains why a couple of sprayed cans make up Trudi’s rack.

  164. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    10/9 FC: Poems that don’t rhyme, eh, spouter of corny, ancient observations?…..

    OTHER THINGS BILLY IS SHOCKED TO DISCOVER:

    Comic books without superheroes
    Liberal Republicans
    Conservative Democrats
    Unfunny Funky Winkerbean (yeah, join the club!)
    Entertaining commercials (Geico, etc.)
    MTV without music videos
    Color daily comic strips
    (That’s all I got)

  165. Frank Parsnip
    October 9th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Secret Margo (163): Trudi stopped using latex-based paints because:

    a) the balloon-squeaking noises were driving her nuts

    b) the static electricity generated made her hair look like RMMD’s May

    c) a and b

    d) a but not c

  166. True Fable
    October 9th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    #163 SecretMargo – oh my god, I’m glad I wasn’t on a call when I read that, I busted out into laughter so loud it echoed off the walls!

  167. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    10/9:

    BBailey: Commence fragging incident.

    FOOB: Well, forget us smiling, too, then.

    Marvin: Thus started the Great Crime Spree of 2007!

    A3G: Margo: “What? All my good friends perished in an apartment fire? Big deal… anybody got a mirror handy?…”

    GT: Yeah, poor kidWHAT THE HELL DID HE DO???????

  168. dreadedcandiru2
    October 9th, 2007 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    #159 – True Fable – I’m convinced that eating crap like that is what caused Jim’s first stroke. You’ll notice he went downhill after his first wife passed on? That’s because she spent her declining years counting his calories. With her out of the picture, he was free to indulge his desires for the greasy foods he loved to eat and his daughter loved to cook. In short, he dug his grave with his teeth.

  169. Dean Booth
    October 9th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    #158, Frank: Here’s your Rex and June in TDIET land. Great idea.

  170. Phoebe
    October 9th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    I [i]like[/i] Sophie, pant-suited or not. It’s the typical soap opera “Child-Hates-Father’s-New-Girlfriend/’Business Aquaintance’/Sam’s Gold-diggin’ Girlfriend” scenario with more eloquence and way more clueless adults. I’m talkin’ to you, Justice Parker!

  171. frippy
    October 9th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Whoa. When placed beside a Dick Tracy strip, the people in Gil Thorp look human!

  172. Virginia
    October 10th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Okay, I totally take the “Finding Logic in my Gil Thorp” back. Sure, it was mostly tongue-in-cheek, but I’m astounded by the complete Jonestown Soft Drink they must be imbibing:

    Random Footballers: This new Star is a killer!

    Coach: Well, that was in the past, can you kee it a secret!

    One of the Teammates: I only told my teenage girlfriend, and swore her to secrecy, which, knowing most teens, means it’s on superficial.com right now.

    Seriously, is Cully Vale some weird, unknown anagram of O.J. Simpson? What high school coach swears his teen sports students to secrecy on another teammate’s possible death crime? And why is this more fascinating to me then any celebrity gossip? Could it be that fictional murder, in my mind is more forgivable than random crotch flashes and mulitiple rehab stays? Because honestly, I’m cool with that.

  173. Ootie
    October 12th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    im a bit disturbed by the fact that sophie has the ability to talk out of her vagina.

  174. Shabbeer Ahmed
    April 5th, 2010 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    i visit your site n i got more information then other visited last month
    was good enough then last what i had gone throught


    work form home

Comments are closed for this post.