The Comics Curmudgeon

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Doggie drama

Mary Worth, 11/20/07

Ah ha! Chester’s real owner! Here at last is the conflict, the drama that has eluded this storyline for so long! Mary will be confronted with some sad-eyed waif who’s so happy to be reunited with her very special Prince Snuffles or whatever the dog’s real name is. She’ll be all torn up inside about letting go of the dog she’s come to love in a short time. Will she be able to do it? Will she do the right thing and return the dog to his rightful owner? Or will she find some way to rationalize keeping the dog, leaving the child heartbroken? Action! Excitement!

Or, you know, it could play out like the damn condo rules feint. “I’d better find out if Chester has a real owner. Oh, he doesn’t! Hooray! I’m so great!” Damn you, Mary Worth, I don’t need another strip that sets up dilemmas only to summarily dispatch them with no effort on the part of the characters. I have Spider-Man for that.

You’ll note that Chester himself has given up on anything fun happening in this strip and has decided to just hump Mary’s leg until her shin goes numb.

Herb and Jamaal, 11/20/07

Ah, yes, “that sappy chick flick.” Thank God US law only allows one of those to be in theaters at any given time so that we don’t have to sully our lips with its name.

Judge Parker, 11/20/07

Things that might be going through Abbey’s shocked and horrified mind in panel three:

“Oh my God, my husband kissed another woman!”
“Oh my God, my husband kissed a woman!”
“Oh my God, my husband broke several rules in the Bar Association’s ethics code!”
“Oh my God, my husband thinks that ‘a big wet smacker on the lips’ is some kind of acceptable phrase to use in conversation!”

And here’s a couple of amusing standalone panels for today:

Panel from Gil Thorp, 11/20/07

We all know how pathetic and basically lonely Coach Thorp is, but today, with Gil giving a pep talk to the shrubbery outside his house, really brings it home.

Panel from Popeye, 11/20/07

There’s context for this, sort of, but I like it best in hilariously inappropriate isolation.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 03:30 pm and is filed under Gil Thorp, Herb and Jamaal, Judge Parker, Mary Worth, Popeye.

249 responses to “Doggie drama”

Moon Mullins
November 20th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Abbey was so shocked it made her own lips turn pale.
Korvo
November 20th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

Does anyone have any idea how old Toby is supposed to be? I know she’s part of some May/December marriage, but need she adopt granny clothing along with Geezer McChinbeard?
milnor
November 20th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

I just figured that, having worn that smug smile for the past couple of days, Abbey had heard from Trudi what really happened, and was really looking forward to backing Sam into a corner. Then the cad just comes out and says it — what the hell kind of fun is that?
Sal Paradise
November 20th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

A3G : Is that an Adam’s apple I see on Gina in the second panel? Cue Austin Powers : “She’s a MAAAN, baby!”.
Lynngineering
November 20th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Popeye: “holocaust”, “context” and “popeye” don’t seem to make sense together in one frame, not without a hell of a backstory. But hey, if it take Popeye to get me to comment again here, in this new, foobless worldview, why not. I may even go read it soon, just as soon as the plot gets to when the li’l red book is whipped out.
Andy Pop
November 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

First. Ok, I know it’s not, but It is for me. It’s my first. Also, I’ve never actually seen anyone type first and actually be first, but I’m interested to see if I’ll actually be second.

I would like to thank you Josh for making some of the worst comics not only readable, but almost necessary reading for me now. I used to only read FOOB and Doonesbury daily and a handful more if I actually bought the paper. My sister pointed me here the day Lisa died and Jim had stroke number 2, and within 10 days I had read the archives from day one. I now have 29 comics in my favorites folder and I open them before my morning pee so they’ll be ready when I come out. Of the bathroom, I’m not Rex Morgan. Anyway, Thanks.
Wazoo
November 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

The kind of latent homoeroticism in “Herb and Jamaal” really belongs more in “Beetle Bailey.” I mean, we’ve already seen Herb and Jamaal gettin’ it on before, right? Surely they can open up to each other about sappy chick flicks. I know Rex and Niki would.
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

MW – Mary discovers ethics only when confronted. Today, a dog teaches her about property rights. Someday, a .38 will offer a few lessons about privacy.
Inspector Dim
November 20th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

I’m a fan of Mary’s chain of office. Apparently the Head Biddie wearing neck gear on par with that of the Lord Chancellor is part of the condo association rules, as well.

Unless it’s just stitched into her shirt. But hey, with art this crummy, who can tell?
Mariko
November 20th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

I am trying so hard not to see the Sea Hag as a Nazi propaganda caricature of a Jew. . . . I mean, Popeye can’t be a Nazi! He’s Popeye! The Sea Hag must have joined the ranks of Nazis in the funnies. Look out, Fraulein Worth– you have competition!
The Divine O’F
November 20th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE:

Yesterthread Frank Parsnip: Thank you for rescuing that poor little kitten. I hope the people who did that to him are reincarnated as laboratory mice in some particularly agonizing experiment.
Inspector Dim
November 20th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

And still Chester the dog > Vera. Any day.
Smash97
November 20th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Prince Snuffles??!! I think Chester is the real Barky von Schnauzer from the Petsmart commercial – what a crossover that would be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cgiuf33X1Q
Rarely-Posts
November 20th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

How did Ruby-the-rube end up wearing an apron in A3-G? They just got there and were wearing their coats in the previous day’s panel.
SecretMargo
November 20th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

11: AS AN ADDENDUM TO TDOF’S PRAISE

I also found the subsequent compare and contrast of how different comics characters would respond to be hilariously horrifying and wholly plausible, especially Spiderman’s.

5: Lynngineering! Oh, how I missed you. I don’t know if you would find it comforting or not, but you were the first person I thought of when we were subjected to the recent FOOBian penis envy toilet flashback, though its crazy blatancy makes it incredibly unsatisfying to analyze. What’s the point if it’s all out there in the open? Nonetheless, don’t be a stranger.
Deborah
November 20th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Popeye: When I first read the panel, I thought it said “I’d better make out before the Holocaust.” Which is even more grossly inappropriate and strange.

I bet you wish you’d seen it that way, too.
Reedzilla
November 20th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

welcome aboard, Andy Pop, refreshments are free but keep in mind they have been made by Pluggers so the main ingredient is soul-sucking misery.
benro
November 20th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

Perhaps if Mary has to give Chester up to his real owner, she can get one of these as a replacement.
Gabe
November 20th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Popeye is most def. not a Nazi. He fought ‘em (and the Japanese) in WWII in some grand, albeit horribly offensive by today’s standards, cartoons in the 40s.
Jordon
November 20th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

As the old characters keep getting wedged in for their solo moments (I’m talking to you, Harry Dinkle), Funky Winkerbean seems more and more like one of those series reunion movies on TV, like “Return to Gilligan’s Island” or “Return to Mayberry.” Wally, like Tina Louise, refused to participate, so “Return to Funky Winkerbean” had to write him out.
Shlomo
November 20th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

From Josh’s previous interpretations of Herb and Jamaal, they both much have watched Brokeback Mountain.
benro
November 20th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

#20 – Yes, the whole “advance the story 10 years” idea comes across as incredibly lame. I was kind of looking forward to the horrible death of Wally and the subsequent bumbling courtship between the comic book guy and the one-armed mother. I guess I’ll see where he’s going with this and give him a month or two to complete his “expositions”.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 20th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Wasn’t “Sea Hags of the Holocaust” a rejected Disney ride?
your father is not mr. cohen
November 20th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

I am officially de-lurking to berate Josh for his failure to include the middle panel of RMMD in his isolated strips. How could you? That is truly the most sinister “remind me to tell you about going to cooking school someday” that I have ever seen. It even looks as though Rex has the beginning of devil horns as he thinks back to those wild, carefree days and pederasty-filled nights.
your father is not mr. cohen
November 20th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Isolated panels that is, not strips. Blast!
Jamus The Bartender
November 20th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Tuesday Snarks:yesterthread
9CL: Wow. All Riiiight, Francis.
Dick Tracy: Man Talking Behind The Painting, you just made the worst mistake of your miserable, begotten life. The second, the SECOND you turn your gun from the Governor’s head, Dick Tracy is gonna come down on you like ten tons of Old Testament retribution, smelling of grain alcohol, and you’ll wish your daddy pulled out of your mommy at the point of climax. “Go get some sleep and relax.” Moron.
FOOB: “Elizabeth is being too quiet.” Yeah, not a sentiment you hear much of anymore….Misty water-colored meeem-reeeeez…of the wayyyy we werrrrre….
My Cage: Way to go, Norm. Mock the really hot babe on her television viewing choices. You weren’t gonna sleep with her before, but now you’re REALLY not gonna sleep with her. The CORRECT thing to say would have been, “Really, tell me more about the Parrots Hilton documentary. That sounds interesting.” And then zone out for five mintues while she tells you about it.
Judge Parker: Yep. Once, ol’ Jamus made the mistake of telling Cassandra that some drunken barfly went and kissed him on the lips. Someone slept out on the fire escape with no sex that night, and it wasn’t Cassandra.
RMMD: YAY!!! Hey, everyone, wake up, the convicts are here. Now, Rex will pay for his sins. And I don’t mean by putting in an extra Sunday ushering for First Lutheran.
Luann: Yeah, looks like Evans is undergoing some kind of Judeo-Christian spiritual awakening. The thing that would make it perfect is if Luann or Bernice got knocked up and had to go to the hospital in the snow to have the baby, but the bus was late and the birth is attended by some drunk, but well-meaning homeless people. Now, THAT’S the Spirit Of Christmas. Take THAT Bill O’Reilly.
Sam Elliott's Moustache
November 20th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#10: I would think that given her advanced years that Mary Worth would be called “Frau Worth” despite the lack of a husband. Much like Frau Blücher (whinny).
Sobek
November 20th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

“Oh my god, my husband has never heard of photocopiers!”

“Oh my god, my husband has never heard of hidden cameras, or blackmail!”
Bitter Scribe
November 20th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Oh, I think I see this one coming: The flyers will attract an Aldo-like stalker. Otherwise, like anyone else, Mary would just call the county animal control to see if anyone has reported a missing dog.
Captain Wrong
November 20th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

H&J is like one of those crappy personalized kid’s book kiosks at the mall except someone keeps forgetting to put the names in the “insert name here” spot. Maybe the strips have been written years in advance and the comics editor is supposed to put the name of an actual movie in for “that chick flick” so we wouldn’t know this comic is actually 38 years old.

Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just a crappy strip.
Eric the DiscoBoy.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Holocaust, schmolocaust. I need to make out my will before the zombie apocalypse.
Girl Reporter
November 20th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

The one guy is definitely checking out the ass of the other guy in the last panel of that comic strip about the two guys.
Dan Coyle
November 20th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

You know what would be cool? If Abbey was really Marvel’s Black Widow with amnesia.

Cancerbean: Can someone explain to me what that second panel was?
FSogol
November 20th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

I’m guessing that Abbey is just the kind of swinger that wants to hear about all of her husband’s sexual exploits. Unfortunately, all Sam Driver will be able to say will be, “I just stood there.”
Bunnë
November 20th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

#6 Andy Pop
Josh deletes any first post that just says “first”… but leaves them in if they fail to be first, because he appreciates Irony.

‘Mudge trivia!
Andy Pop
November 20th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

#17 Thanks for the welcome Reed. I’ve been lurking the comments for a few weeks to get a feel for the snark, and I may even start contributing soon. My mom tells me I’m funny.
Rodeobob
November 20th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

The one nice thing about the last four or five Luanne strips is that every time Gunther talks to Tiffany, he’s doing exactly what a socially akward guy does: stare directly at her boobs. Every panel that has both of them has him speaking directly to her nipples. Now that’s realism!
Nekrotzar
November 20th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

I should inquire to see if someone’s looking for Chester. And kill them. Get Cully on the phone.
Bunnë
November 20th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Oh… and welcome!
sf_reader
November 20th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

Please remember that homoeroticism should be erotic. Rex and Niki, homoerotic? – Yes. Herb and Jamal – Not.
Andy Pop
November 20th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

#35 Bunnë

Makes sense, but it also makes my virgin post moot, so I’ll pretend I didn’t see you post.
Bossman
November 20th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

JUDGE PARKER: “Oh my God. My husband is going fishing with Rex Morgan!”
Krohmdohm
November 20th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one thrilled by the return of Thelma in Baby Blues……*crickets chirping*…… Ok then , never mind
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Andy
Welcome!
Btw, did you know that the FBoFW website blinks?
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

41- Andy

Your “virgin post”? is moot. TMI, methinks. But have you ever thought of writing for the comics? Rex Morgan or Curtis, perhaps?
Islamorada Girl
November 20th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth is indeed Frau Worth. Herr Worth became todt back in the 20’s leaving Mary with a modest income and plenty of time to meddle. I love how she lets Chester out to poop so Carlos, the Chatterstone gardener, will have to clean it up.
Let’s hear about the Perfesser feels about the condo regs when he steps in some beagle offerings.

Fun Factoid: In the Florida Keys, rich, yachty women who have spent enough time in the sun to have skin like leather, or a bog body, are often referred to as Sea Hags. Mostly by their employees and always behind their backs.
Girl Reporter
November 20th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Beef jerkey in loafers.
Toonhead
November 20th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth violates leash laws and refuses to pick up after her dog.
Surprise Witness
November 20th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

One possible explanation for the impossibly generic jokes in “Herb and Jamaal” is that the author wants future generations to be able to get them as well, without having to struggle through any sort of historical texts to figure out the meaning of ancient pop-culture references. Maybe he’s securing his position throughout the ages as “completely gettable,” even by the unwashed, unread, uncultured masses…who…somehow find copies of “Herb and Jamaal” to read.

Well, maybe he hasn’t quite figured out how to attain immortality yet.

Still, on the off chance “Herb and Jamaal” is still sucking the life out of humor in the future, I want to apologize to our children and our children’s children for not leaving them a better world.

Of course, the other, more reasonable explanation for the impossibly generic jokes in “Herb and Jamaal” is that the author of “Herb and Jamaal” just doesn’t get out much.

I imagine his small-talk repertoire consists of asking optimistically, “So…how about that local sports team?”
B
November 20th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

I really hope the puppy’s real owner is Ellen’s Hairdresser’s daughter.
Bunnë
November 20th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

41 Andy Pop
Not really… your post has content, so it’s not like a “first” post. Actually you said a lot. Complimenting the blogger is a good way not to get deleted, methinks.

And thanks, ltrftp (not so first time), for making the words “virgin post” dirty in my head.
Mariko
November 20th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

#27 and #46–Yes, of course, I see it now. Pardon my mistake, I never really learned German conventions . . . or German, for that matter.

. . . Blücher!

And #43, I also am glad to see Thelma back.
kingklash
November 20th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

I wonder if Chester’s real name is Tralfaz?
BigTed
November 20th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

I think the two exciting “Mary Worth” plot strands are about to come together as… it turns out that distributing lost-dog flyers is against the rules of the condo association!!! Will Mary lose her home? Will Chester’s rightful owner, a sad-eyed 9-year-old who’s been suffering from amnesia since a horrible croquet accident, recover in time to rescue the animal from the spaying and/or neutering the condo rules also demand? Only time — lots and lots and lots of time — will tell.
Gold-Digging Nanny
November 20th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

52 Mariko: Whinny!
Lynngineering
November 20th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

#15 Secret Margo – thank you! – I have been de-toxing from C.C., at least a bit, in order to try to tame the Foobian Dragon! But like everyone in such a condition, I still lurk of course whenever possible, and will start up again to join in the fray.

It’s just… ever since Michael’s lobotomy… and this subsequent pablum of a strip, well… even the foobian ‘penis envy’ just didn’t get the rise I out of me I needed.

I had mentioned in a past comment that I’d prefer if some characters would escape and initiate a new strip – even the two dogs should just run away one day, wind up doing some guest spot in “Get Fuzzy” and slowly get to their own domain, eventually bringing April in as a vet.

Really. I’m ready for that. If I see any more “cute” kids………
Spunky N. Tadpole
November 20th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

A3G – Well, I see something has wiped that big post-coital grin right off Gina’s face: whatever might it be?? Oh, yeah – those almost palpable bitch-vibes just radiating off Margo as she grumpily contemplates having her space invaded (?? “Hurumph” ??). Swig down some ouzo, Margo: it’ll help. Maybe. We hope.

GT – Josh, you really should have reprinted the whole of today’s strip: then we’d see that Gil really IS talking to the plantings (panel 1)! I guess the fuzzy lump he’s addressing in panel 2 is meant to be Cully’s head, not the shrubbery, but it’s hard to tell the difference…

9CL – “Apothegm”? Have we had our pretension pills, today, Brooke? Jeez, it’s a comic strip; you shouldn’t have to read it with a dictionary. Especially when the “Word of the Day” sounds like some vile bodily secretion.

MT – Oh, Sgt. York’s name is Steve: cool.

And HOW sinister is Johnny’s look in that last panel? “Come and eat with us soon”? I hope Sgt. Steve has a armed squad at his back: from Johnny’s glower, he and the famille Malotte are the Lost Forest’s equivalent of Sawney Bean and his clan. Brrr.
Joe
November 20th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

“Thanks, Toby. I know it has to be done.” Prediction: this will be Mary Worth’s last words as she is strapped into the Electric Chair, right before being sent to hell for all her crimes against humanity.
Joe
November 20th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

“Thanks, Toby. I know it has to be done.” Prediction: these will be Mary Worth’s last words as she is strapped into the Electric Chair, right before being sent to hell for all her crimes against humanity.
Nil Zed
November 20th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Heart flips a bird today. That girl’s gonna turn out bad, I just know it.
Jacob M
November 20th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

That Popeye panel made me laugh harder than anything in the last month.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

Bunne
I live to serve.
SecretMargo
November 20th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

49: The saddest part of H&J’s plan is that turns of phrase like “chick flick” date a strip just as much as specific references do, the only difference being that they are never funny ever, rather than simply once-funny but now puzzling.
firegoat
November 20th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

MW — The role of the owner of the dog will be played this week by Ellen Degeneres.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Popeye, when I had my Rotator Cuff Surgery last week, they discovered upon opening me up, that I had a torn bicep as well. This, according to my surgeon, will be the visual result…(sfw)
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.shoulderdoc.co.uk/images/uploaded/popeye_sign01a.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.shoulderdoc.co.uk/patient_info/article.asp%3Farticle%3D562&h=240&w=320&sz=23&hl=en&start=1&um=1&tbnid=LCTLx4MqpD3B9M:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtorn%2Bbicep%2Bpopeye%2Bsyndrome%26svnum%3D100%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26sa%3DN
Allie Cat
November 20th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

#36 – Welcome Andy Pop! We don’t care if you’re funny – we’re just glad you’re here.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

Did I screw up the page size with my link?
I am sorry.
Chris Opperman
November 20th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

More Popeye!

And just what is up with the red tightie whities Mary’s friend is wearing outside her clothes?

And what’s with yr Mary Worth obsession anyway?
Harry F
November 20th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Rejected Mary Worth Script
Panel One
What’s the matter mary? You look distressed
mary: This dog won’t stop humping my leg
Panel Two
I recently discovered I have two legs. Maybe he can use one
mary: Great idea. It helps if you keep bacon in your pockets.
Muffaroo
November 20th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

Surprise Witness @49 – Yeah, I was thinking that that cartoonist who does that strip about those guys who say the things has his eye on the future. Maybe he’s thinking of convincing a publisher to make an anthology, and he wants it to be salable in the year 2097. Maybe he plans to do five years’ worth of the strip and then die, and he wants for his heirs to be able to rerun them forever, without losing any of that generic zip and zing. Or maybe he’s planning on selling his entire back inventory to an aspiring cartoonist who will be able to draw new heads on the characters and peddle it for a new generation of nonspecific readers.

Hey! Maybe it’s already happened! Maybe these strips were written in the early 70s, and those descriptions refer to “The Towering Inferno” and “Ice Castles” and other shopworn, dated titles. I think I’ll go Google “forgettable inanity” and see if anything pops up.
Zamboni_Rodeo
November 20th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

“Oh, my God, my husband is capable of physical intimacy with a female!”
Pendragon
November 20th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Sorry if someone mentioned this already but — Josh, is that you in today’s Slylock Fox?
Neal Cassady
November 20th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

#4 Sal Paradise

Hey, arn’t all soap opera strip women?
Gabe
November 20th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Chris if you have to ask that, you’re at the wrong site.
Starman
November 20th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

Why didn’t anyone tell me that Jamaal’s head could morph in to a penis? I would’ve read this comic much sooner.
Rusty
November 20th, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

#33: Are you referring to Harry Dinkle’s (?) smug look as he strolls away from Becky One-Arm? I believe he is showing that he is glad to finally be rid of the overwhelming burden of being a high school band director.

And 10 years from now, Becky still hasn’t sprung for a tailor to make her flapping sleeves presentable.
Freezair
November 20th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

#75: The observation has been made about Jamaal’s nose before, but I think that’s the first time we’ve witnessed the transformation take over his entire noggin.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Starman
And doesn’t everyone run for cover when Jamaal gets a swelled head!!!!!!!
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
November 20th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

If Herb and Jamaal cry over sappy chick flicks, then Chester is more of a man than both of them.

Hell, Mary Worth is.
GotFuzzy
November 20th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

#43/Khromdohm, I’m glad to see Thelma’s return as well. I am a little puzzled that Wanda did not meet her when she was a guest before, though. It’s not like Mama Blues to not be home when the kids are.

I’m also still laughing at yesterday’s Get Fuzzy. The look of shame on Satchel’s face is priceless. The final panel from today is pretty great, too. If the whole week is Satchel eating things and regretting it, YAY!
Bobdog
November 20th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

For a while I was under the impression that the author of Herb and Jamal had had some horrible run-in with copyright infringement in the past and that was why he was working so hard to avoid making anything but the most oblique of references to current events, people, movies, etc.

However, I’m now coming to the conclusion that the author is avoiding the specifics under the conceit that there will always be sappy chick flicks, books going to DVD and rich heiresses doing crazy things and by keeping his cultural references appropriately vague, his comics will have an ‘ever-fresh’ quality to them — as relevant to future generations of readers as they are to today’s audience. In this way, Herbal and Jamal strips will retain their ability to amuse as cultural fads come and go.

This strategy would appear to be quite shrewd but for the fact that the strips were never funny to begin with.
Tats
November 20th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

Well, it’s reassuring to know that if Crayola ever runs out of magenta, they can turn to Toby.
Bobdog
November 20th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Also, it’s difficult not to look at Jamal/Herb’s stance in panel one and not picture him talking in a bitchy-gay voice. The fact that he’s checking out Herb/Jamal’s ass in the final panel does not make it any easier.
dale
November 20th, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

46 – Islamorada Girl re: bog body
I had to think about your comment several times before I caught your subtle hint to Cully Vale:
Town Bog is not a good disposal place. Leave Marty Moon’s body behind Town Abattoir and let the feral hogs do the work.
Tats
November 20th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Also, perhaps the reason Abbey is so surprised in Judge Parker is because she just realized her husband is acclaimed star of Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks, Kyle MacLachlan.
Bobdog
November 20th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

82 – I was always under the impression that Toby’s magenta ensemble was a track suit. But the collar on her shirt does not look like it belongs to any known style of track suit, which means either she’s wearing a collared shirt under her track suit that is the exact same color as the track suit (weird) or, given the lack of a truly distinct break between the top and bottom portions of her garment (at least one not just as easily attributable to a mere fold in the fabric), this is actually the equivalent of a Charterstone prison jumpsuit — the collar being on of Mary’s ‘personal’ touches (more likely).
Elizabeth
November 20th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

How unusual for a stereotypical comic strip male to admit to another male that he cried at the end of a movie. Clearly, today’s Herb & Jamaal was written by Morrissey.
Johnny Cat
November 20th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

“What kind of legal wizardry did you use to douse the warm charcoal briquet?” I hate having to read phrases as inane as this 5 frickin times, trying to discern what the hell is being said, when it’s eventually some lame inside joke. I’d much rather stare at an empty glass with a dopey grin on my face…anyday.
Citric
November 20th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

Elizabeth, I pretty much abandoned any typical expectations for Herb and Jamaal after they had sex with each other a few weeks back.

Oh, and I don’t know how many people read Heart of the City, but I think the punchline is that she made a big drawing of a penis. I approve.
bergamot
November 20th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Krohmdohm (43)– I think Thelma is the best part of Baby Blues: cuter’n a bug’s eye.

H&J: How do you force someone to watch a chick flick? Tie him up, maybe?
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

#89 Citric – Actually, I believe we’re meant to infer that Heart did what the other girl thought was an even worse hand-turkey before realizing that it was a tracing of Heart flipping her the bird, which I find even funnier.
King Folderol
November 20th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

MW – There’s always the other option: the storyline where the owner is a lousy human being who doesn’t deserve such a great dog, and Mary Worth gets to spend two or three weeks berating the lousy guy for having the nerve to draw the same oxygen the rest of us do.

H&J – You don’t want to burn any bridges. Herb & Jamaal is so hip, so cutting edge, that I’m sure there are three or four Hollywood producers fighting for movie rights as we speak. .

(DT) GT – It’d be awesome if the scuzzy kid threw Gil’s bullshit rhetorical question back in his face and said something like, “I live down to people’s expectations because I’m afraid I’ll wind up a third-rate coach in a crummy town like you, asshat.”
Buck Ripsnort
November 20th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

IN today’s A3G, the Perfesser is waaay too happy at being cockblocked by Dick Smothers. “Taking my underage trophy-bitch to Hollywood? Why, we must celebrate! Have some of my special Vin du Arsenic ‘93!”
Joe Blevins
November 20th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

The Herb & Jamaal formula seems to boil down to:

Panel one: Extremely generic statement or question, seemingly relevant or topical but awkwardly avoiding any specifics. (e.g. “Boy, this Middle East situation sure is something!” “How about that one guy who’s in the news all the time?” “Have you read that book yet that everyone’s talking about?”)

Panel two: Bland, prosaic response to whatever was said in panel one.

Panel three: filler. Whatever is said in panel three is isolated for no particular reason and could have been either eliminated totally or incorporated into panel two. The author of H&J would probably argue that the seemingly superfluous third panel is a pause or (in comedy lingo) a “beat” before the punchline. The third panel is where H&J is telling us, “Okay, readers. Get ready. Punchline coming in on Runway Number Four. Are you ready to chuckle knowingly at the follies of life? Brace yourself for whimsy.”

Panel four: Deflated, disappointing punchline which is all the more of a letdown because we had that third-panel pause to get our hopes up for something funny or at least amusing.
Helena Handbasket
November 20th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

#49 – Since I believe the genius behind Herb and Jamaal lives right here in good ol’ Sacramento, it might be wiser for him to say something like, “So, how about that sports team from the big city about 90 miles from her that actually occasionally wins?”
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

#94 Joe Blevins – “Boy, this Middle East situation sure is something!”

“This Middle East situation!?” Good God, man, have you ever READ Herb & Jamaal!? Say it with me: “this foreign-affairs tension!“
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
November 20th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

Did you hear about the entity that has qualities or characteristics?
Mibbitmaker
November 20th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

H&J: This reminds me of something done with Peanuts. There was a strip where Linus, addressing Sally, said he thought girls were sugar and spice (or words to that effect), and she responded, “Welcome to 1963!” In the paperback reprint, it was changed to “…1969″. And in the Halloween special, she just said, “Welcome to the 20th century”, though that sounds weird airing on TV now. Eventually the strip will rerun in Classic Peanuts, so I wonder how it’ll look then (I haven’t seen the Complete Peanuts version; I’m assuming it’ll stay 1963 there). Maybe, “Welcome to 2010″ or something.

#96: More like: “Stuff happening someplace”
Comic Connoisseur
November 20th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

Alternate dialogue for Herb and Jamaal:
Panel 1- “We haven’t had ’special time’ for a long time now.”
Panel 2- “I’m a little tired. How about a hand job?”
Panel 3- “Unh … Unh … AHhhhh!!!!”
Panel 4- “I cried like a baby.”
Weaselboy
November 20th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

Chester’s owner was Aldo Kelrast. Chester had just finished eating the last bit of flesh from Aldo’s bones when Mary found him. Chester growled a few times but Mary refused to believe that he preferred to be left alone.
name
November 20th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

re: previously mentioned warning from comics syndicate about offensive word in Nov. 27’s Zits

The word in question, it turns out, is sucks. That seems pretty weak. I’m pretty sure there are other comics that use “sucks” fairly regularily without issue. I’m thinking maybe Dilbert or Get Fuzzy or something.

Also now there’s a warning about the Dec. 8 Baby Blues. They’re offering an alternative strip, in case people find the orginal too offensive.
Mibbitmaker
November 20th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

BBailey: Beetle: “*Sighh!!* Why won’t he blah blah blah to me, dammit?”

A3G: Margo (thinking): “I’ve just got to get rid of those people! Yes, Tommie and that blonde ditz, too! Then the apartment will be ALL MINE!!
MUWWAW – HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!”

GT: Yeah, Gil, but it was Marty Moon you were talking about. I don’t think the school board will mind in that case.

S-M: You know that’ll be creepy-weird when the Persuader has to borrow Margo’s head bobble!

FC: By older people, he means Lynn Johnston.

FC: By older people, he means Lynn Johnston.
(Apologies if someone already tried that on yesterthread)

Marvin: Kid, you’re not even LuAnn Powers’ intellectual superior! You’re — maybe — an equal to the Family Circus children, but that’s it!

Lockhorns: “…But on the bright side, I did win in the demolition derby.”

H&L: Yeah, because the Handyman guy tapes all his shows in real time, one after another with no letup, even for a night’s sleep. Jeez, Hi, you’re not even that baby Marvin’s intellectual superior!

FC: By older people, he means Lynn Johnston.
Joe Blevins
November 20th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

I will admit that my knowledge of Herb & Jamaal comes solely through this blog, so I cannot yet write convincing H&J-style dialogue. I can recognize it when I see it, though, and “foreign-affairs tension” is perfect.

Actually, I know most of these comics (apart from FC, TDIET, and Beetle Bailey) almost exclusively through CC, and I’m still trying to figure most of them out, especially the soap-opera ones. I have no idea what’s going on in Judge Parker, except that the women in it are busty, and up until recently the plot had something to do with water. I can’t tell any of the male characters (except for Ari) apart in A3G. Margo’s the only one who’s made an impression on me, and even she gets mired in impenetrable storylines involving interchangable men. Mary Worth seems to me to be a horribly stifling old biddy who inflicts punishment on the idiots around her, and they deserve whatever suffering she metes out to them. I notice that Gil Thorp, by far my favorite of the story strips, is hijacked every few months by a character whose behavior and appearance are odd even by the “Gil Thorp” standards. These characters come in and immediately become the focus of the strip — the gravitational center around which all the other characters orbit — and then their storylines kind of dribble away to nothing.

As for the humor strips, they’re fairly self-explanatory. Pluggers seems to be the intersection where Jeff Foxworthy and “They’ll Do It Every Time” meet. Marvin is essentially Garfield in diapers, obsessing about his own waste rather than lasagna. Etc., etc.
The Grandstanding Oddball
November 20th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth? Love? No, no, no. Mary Worth is only using Chester to remind herself of how awesome she is. If Toby would permit Mary to lead her around by a leash and feed her from bowls in the ground, Mary would have run right over Chester in the road.

This is the one creature that can’t actually talk back to Mary, and she’s not about to let him go, cancerous child and rightful owner be damned.
Poteet
November 20th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

Is it wrong that I suddenly really like Sea Hag? She seems so cheery and focused and rational and goal-oriented compared to (insert just about any serial comic character’s name here). And she’s better-dressed than most of them, too.
Poteet
November 20th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

# 104 — I agree, Oddball. And Chester is lucky he isn’t a cat. I’m crazy about cats, but they do like their alone time, and having observed friends’ dogs, I’m pretty sure cats don’t spend as much time staring worshipfully at their human companions. Most likely Mary would have told the vet, “I brought the cat here, which is my saintly deed for the day. Now it’s your problem.”
commodorejohn
November 20th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

#104 The Grandstanding Oddball – “If Toby would permit Mary to lead her around by a leash and feed her from bowls in the ground…”

Oh, oh, ow, that just gave me some mental images I did not want. Here’s a hint.

#105 Poteet – There’s nothing better than a likeable villain, and I’ll have to agree with your assessment.
Bill Wright
November 20th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

The reason for Harry’s smug smile as he strolls down the hallway in the final panel of today’s FW? He knows that Becky will be soon be delivering the bacteria-ridden turkeys that have been sitting in her classroom for days at room temperature. There will be a class-action lawsuit against the school district from those who become violently ill with salmonella poisoning as a result of Becky’s negligence. Becky will be forced to retire in shame, and the community will beg Harry to return as band director and restore the good name of Westview High. Harry will finally have his revenge against Becky, as he has always blamed her for using her handicap to garner the public sympathy needed to have Harry forced into retirement so she could take over as band director.
Niall
November 20th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

Zits? Baby Blues? Offensive???

99. Comic Connoisseur: that works far too well. Hilarious.
Bill Wright
November 20th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – Why is it that as a young mother, Elly had such a cute little nose, and in present times she has a shnozz that would put Jimmy Durante to shame? Do noses grow as we age?
Niall
November 20th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

The Sea Hag would bea likeable villainness, no? And yes, she comes up with great plans that actually have a fair chance of winning. Heck, this time, we see her enter as the successful head of an oil company! That’s not someone stupid, there!
Shmork
November 20th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

I’d better make a Triumph of the Will out before the Holocaust!
Miz Becki
November 20th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

#110 – Bill Wright…
Yeah, I’m afraid that as we age, our noses get fleshier (with the rest of our bodies), and gravity takes over. Everything sags. Sigh
Chip
November 20th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth looks like she’s pulling Chester up by the top of his head. Poor dog.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

#113 Miz Beckl
And nose hair. We get much more nose hair.
And ear hair.

Go figure.
Poteet
November 20th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

# 113 & # 115 — Miz Becki and Itrftp, no argument here. I see it happening, sigh. To ease the fears of younger Mudges, however, I don’t think I’ve ever seen quite such a schnoz transformation as Elly has undergone. She looks like a deranged plastic surgeon replaced her nose with a potato.
Freezair
November 20th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

OK, we all know how dubious the artwork from Gil Thorp is, but good Lord, what is up with that HEAD? It looks like it was placed into a mold when he was a child, very similar to those used to make square watermelons. At least we know he stacks easily.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Poteet, indeed. LynnJ paints herself as growing old gracefully but
tuberly, as well.

I love growing older. I married for the first time at 47. I had sons at 48 and 50. I never expected it to happen.

Back to comics…..Poteet was a character name I remember from a comic I read as a kid. Which one?
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Poteet.
I mean can you help me with the name, please.

And could Lynn, in order to really get back at her hubby, have John hit with lawsuits from former patients who claim they were molested by him while under anaesthetic? I can see the headline now: “Dentist Fills Wrong Cavity”
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 20th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

A brillian explanation of copyright law:

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://boingboing.net/images/lysol2fgkajefng.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.boingboing.net/2007/05/13-week/&h=239&w=225&sz=21&hl=en&start=11&um=1&tbnid=Qvf4i5n6X2d94M:&tbnh=109&tbnw=103&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtorn%2Bbicep%2Bpopeye%2Bsyndrome%26svnum%3D100%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26sa%3DN
LTBF
November 20th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

This Mike and Liz as kids flashback would make a lot more sense if it was Elly talking to April.
True Fable
November 20th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

#56 Lynngineering – I’m still waiting for the Patterspawn to act “cute”, rather than age-inappropriate or disgusting.

I feel a rant coming on. Not right now, but I’m betting that at some point tonight after the next crop of dailies come out, I will be moved to snarkrant mode. We shall see. bwahaha.

Come join me. Maybe I will taunt Lynnie over at Coffee Squawk again. I’m in a fiesty mood! >:D
Canaduck
November 20th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

I like that Abbey actually seems to be staring in horror at the speech bubble as it comes from her husband’s mouth.
Lindsey
November 20th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

@ Sally Froth – JUST SAY NO TO TURDUNCAN! It’s so gross!

I think I have been exploring this site WAY too much over the last few days. I had comic-soap dreams last night. First I dreamed that I was married to Aldo Kelrast (eew!). I forget what happened during that dream but it was something weird. Then I dreamed that I was reading Rex Morgan, Judge Parker, and Mark Trail, but they were all the same comic (nothing surprising there). The only part of that dream that I remember was little Rusty Trail saying, “Stop listening to me, mule!
rhymes with puck
November 20th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

GT: Gil Thorp wasn’t faking when he asked Cully to kill Marty but he suddenly realized that he can’t get away with hiring hitmen during a season when his team sucks and he’s trotted out an offense that was obsolete in 1955.

MW: If Chester was a vietnamese child Mary would drop him off at the garbage dump and run away.

RMMD: Pedophilia interruptus!

Marmaduke: Marmaduke had an orgy in a jacuzzi and his owners seem ok with that.

Archie: I didn’t realize at first that was a picture of Archie in the last panel – I thought maybe the AJGLU-3000 went insane (well, more insane) and was reenacting the final scene of Se7en.
Hysterical Woman
November 20th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

99: You go, person!

I don’t have any better snark to add, but that’s normal.
Anna Nimity
November 20th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

122. True Fable – Anna is back from her travels where No One Has Gone Before (okay, I was only up in Alaska, but still. No wi-fi) and awaits your next post with bated breath! Rant! Snark! Taunt! Get feisty! I have much catching up to do.
Uncle Lumpy
November 20th, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

#118 ltrftp –

Poteet Canyon, cousin to Steve.
Joe Btfsplk
November 20th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

Popeye – It’s nice of Sea Hag to keep a portrait of “Mother” hanging on her office wall. I’ll have to do some back-story research, though, to find out why Mother apparently is a pile of poo.
Moon Mullins
November 20th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

#72 Pendragon: I don’t know if the Josh in Slylock today is the pope himself, but I am worried about that gape-mouthed guy on the far right. It looks like he is trying to guzzle droppings from T. Rex’s Depends Undergarment.
Moon Mullins
November 20th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

#124 Lindsey:

I agree with you about Turducken, and don’t care to read about it in Sally Forth. Not so much the Turkey, Duck, Chicken combo, that actually sounds pretty tasty. It’s just I can’t get excited over any Thanksgiving dish that starts with “Turd”.
Cranky
November 20th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

In panel four, Herb is checking out Jamaal’s ass. Or vice versa. I’d look it up but who cares, it’s ass-checking, people!
The Avocado Avenger
November 21st, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

Is a turducken really a chicken shoved inside a duck shoved inside a turkey? I’m having a bad day so it’s okay to lie to me and tell me that it’s something else entirely, just to make me feel better.
Frank Parsnip
November 21st, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

Divine O’F (11): Aw shucks… now having joined the ranks of all the other cat-savers among the curmudgers, it will be hard to keep my head unswollen with Mary Worthesque self-congratulatory thoughts! Oh, how can I resist it — I’ve got to indulge my inner charity-quote huckster with another discussion with pink-clad Toby:

Frank Parsnip: I’m still feeling really self-congratulatory about my decision to save a cat despite not being a cat person, but as you know: “True charity is the desire to be useful to others without thought of recompense.”

Toby: Yes, it seems similar to the biblical concept of not running about during a fast showing off to others how “hungry” you are and how much you are supposedly suffering out of a greater degree of piety. Think of Matthew 6:16-18: “Moreover when ye fast, be not as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast.”

FP: As Moliere once said: “Every good act is charity. A man’s true wealth hereafter is the good that he does in this world to his fellows.” But does that really include kitty’s? I like to think so.

Toby: I prefer Rita Mae Brown: “My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I’m giving them my share.”

FP: What was that?

Toby: Nevermind.

—————————
Here’s my attempt at an FC handling of a glue-covered kitten:

(Billy and Dolly holding down an obviously distressed kitten covered with glue, while Jeffy approaches with a little disposeable safety razor.)

Billy: Of course it will work! I overheard Dad say Mom uses this for shaving her pussy.
LTBF
November 21st, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

This is a bit late, but I loved Sunday’s Frank and Ernest. You had to have a knowledge of Greek mythology to get the jokes. Any strip that requires a bit of a brain is great in my book.
Moon Mullins
November 21st, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

133 Av Av:

Turdabout is fair play
rhymes with puck
November 21st, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

133 – It’s a duck stuffed into a chicken stuffed into a turkey. Usually there is also a stuffing of some sort also, the ones I’ve had were a cajun spiced stuffing. I’ve had it, and it’s ok but duck is so fatty that it is makes the whole thing too rich.
Moon Mullins
November 21st, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Wed Slylock:

Check out the drunk octopus with the bottle of whiskey, giving the boys the “come hither” finger wiggle. Little does she know she’s about to be sodomized by a manta ray. Meanwhile, five penisaurises are about to be clipped by a sawfish and two needlenosepliers fish. And watch out, boys — that might look like a clitoris attracting you, but it’s just a trick to get you eaten by that Violet Halfdome Eel!

God, I love Bob Weber Jr.
Lindsey
November 21st, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

Turduncan is really the three birds stuffed together. I love turkey, duck, and chicken, but together they are really gross, trust me. The tastes all mix… we tried it for two years and went back to regular turkey. I guess it’s something that you should try once in your life, but if you’re like me you’ll only try it once.
Anna Nimity
November 21st, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

Moon Mullins: Following your link shows that truth is sometimes indeed stranger than fiction. “Turgooponducheasanishuail??” What the hell? Read on, gentle ‘mudges. This is a direct quote from Wikipedia regarding Turducken:

“…some enthusiasts have taken it a step further, and come up with the turduckencorpheail. This is a standard turducken, which is then stuffed with a cornish game hen, which is then stuffed with a pheasant, and finally stuffed with a quail.

Still others have pushed the envelope even further with the Turgooponducheasanishuail, which includes both a goose and capon, in addition to the component birds of the turduckencorpheail. The turduckencorpheail and the turgooponducheasanishuail are not for the faint of heart…”

Be afraid Ted Forth. Be very, very afraid.
rhymes with puck
November 21st, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Turduncan? Did you get that at Dunkin Donuts? It’s TURkey-DUCK-chickEN, Turducken.
Poteet
November 21st, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

# 119 — HAR! I like your headline, Itrftp. Unfortunately, I suspect that Lynn’s plan for the near future is to get her revenge by graphically indicating, even more than she has already, that John’s mind and body are falling apart.

# 128 — Thank you, Uncle Lumpy. That’s a very informative site. My only reservation is that having reread it, I don’t think I’m a “teenaged Happy Easter.” That is to say, with all due respect to the gallant and determined Mr. E, that I HOPE I’m not a teenaged Happy Easter.
Poteet
November 21st, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

# 134 — BWAHAHA! Frank, that is SO much better than whatever my brain prevented me from doing.
Jordon
November 21st, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

112 – Shmork, you made me spew. Very good.
Poteet
November 21st, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

TURDUCKEN IS REAL??!!! Turducken is real. This is going to take some getting used to.
Ubiq
November 21st, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

So I’m guessing that Coach Thorpe went from his inspirational speech to Killer Cully right to his inspirational speech to Nancy?
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

Paul Prudhomme invented the Turducken, Don Prudhomme took the recipe up another notch with the Nitro-Blackened Turducken.
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is really boring these days.
True Fable
November 21st, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

FBoFW What?!?! An actual decent strip today? She planned this, I tells ya; she knew I was ready to snark with fiesty abandon and she THWARTED me!

Lynnie, Lynnie, Lynnie,

You sly minx. After three weeks of mind-numbing, ass biting, foot-gnawing bullshit about Wonder Mike’s Delicate Genius Origins, and the story of How Lizzie Became Such a Dumbshit, you actually turned out a strip I don’t have the heart to snark. Oh sure, I could say something like, Look, Lynn is pointing out how ~~Rod~~ John is shallow and only pays attention to the kids if they are clean and cute and he feels like it, just like Mike does now.

Or, I could quote the many Kool-Aid swillers and say something like, Why Lynn, you must have a camera in my home for you to know I was ready to snark on you today and here you go and counter my snarky preparation with a decent strip!

But I WON’T, Lynnie Baby, because frankly the very idea that you might have a camera in my house, watching me as I go about my day, fills me with the kind of creeps that only a page of Stone Season could give. I wouldn’t put it past you except for this one very important fact:

You’ve proven you don’t know the difference between good humor and stupid “humor”, so the likelihood that you could tell what would me from snarking on you is nil.

Ah my little petrified Canadian poo, I know you want the Fable, baby. You want to run those icy cold fingers through my shaggy head of hair and scratch your nails across my back with shouts of of ecstasy as only you might: “Boxcar! Oh, Boxcar, Fable; Pound Backslash Saturn Exclamation and Star Star Star!”

And you will NEVER GET THE CHANCE to do that, Lynnie Baby; The Fable is NOT FOR YOU!
Suffer bitch!!

Truman A. Fable
Star Star Star!
Captain Thunder
November 21st, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

And now: Dennis, Viscount of Stokington!

Menacing House
Bobdog
November 21st, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

I wonder if you could write a program that would “Herb’n'Jamaalify” any reference to a specific person or thing into any incredibly non-specific phrase —

For instance “Mary Worth” would become — “that elderly lady who gives advice to those people living at that place” and Judge Parker would be “that member of the judiciary system whom we never seem to to see”

Herb and Jamaal of course would translate into “those two fellows who are always having butt sex”
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

Truman: STB! STB! STBe there, aloha!
Moon Mullins
November 21st, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

152:

Aloha to you Mr. Hand.

And that hand is waving goodnight from this MM. Got to get ready to march in that Macy’s Parade in little over a day.
Oh wait, I’m retired with hearing loss now, guess I can sleep in and eat Salmonella turducken.

Is all this starting to run together? I really must be tired. Good (yawn) night all.
Happy Happenstance
November 21st, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Nostra-Happenstance Predicts!

Re: Funky Winkerbean — Since the newspaper in the October 11th strip has the headline “Soldiers Taken Hostage,” Wally is presumed to be dead. However, Nostra-Happenstance predicts that Wally, not dead, but missing in action for 10 years, will show up at some point in the near future to wreak havoc in Becky’s life. Wally will return to Winkerville, hoping to resume his life with Becky and Rana. Becky will be torn between the comix book guy and Wally. (This may all take place right about the time Rana gets married. Who will walk her down the aisle?) Wally eventually leaves town, but Becky, Rana and comix book guy are scarred forever.
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

G’night Moon! Float on!
Uncle Lumpy
November 21st, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

#146 Poteet —

Steve Canyon — I think “teenaged Happy Easter” means “interesting character who can move the plot because Steve’s such a damn stiff.” With the added advantage of getting tied up a lot.

Turducken: stunt food.
Jordan
November 21st, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

I really, really hope we never have to see Herb’s teeth again. That’s not too much to ask for, is it?
Mariko
November 21st, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

I think I’ve finally figured out why Johnny Malotte could punch Bull Malone, even though Malotte has facial hair (although it is an impeccably well-kept moustache) and Malone is clean-shaven. Notice that Bull Malone parts his hair on the right. In Mark Trail’s world, real men part their hair on the left!
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 21st, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

#128 Uncle Lumpy
Thanks.
I stopped reading SC after a fairly lengthy plot line of someone waiting a phone call, unable to keep him/herself awake after two days, slipping upstairs to make a pot, and of course missing the phone call. I love irony, just not dramatic irony, it makes for too many bad 2nd Acts.

#142 Poteet
I am afraid you are right. Lynn’s attemp at courtroom drama ended up with a weenie servicing a whiney. Do you think Liz and Anthony both cry after sex, or just before?
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 21st, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

Oh yeah, I remember thinking Poteet was hot.
And I think I remember my dad compaining that she chewed gum and blew bubbles.
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

UL: “Stunt Food” is like those plastic sushis or when they use Elmer’s Glue-All to represent mayonaisse in an Arby’s photo shoot?
Uncle Lumpy
November 21st, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Here’s a completely different view of Poteet Canyon.
ltrftp(not so first time)
November 21st, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

#162
Uncle Lumpy

If you look closely you can see Mark Trail’s cabin.
Spotted HØrse
November 21st, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

#124 Lindsey:

I think I have been exploring this site WAY too much over the last few days. I had comic-soap dreams last night.

Yes, loves the subconscous terrain, this site does. Today I was working myself up to a rant, when suddenly in popped the thought, “Forget about that boxcar.” It just popped into my head, soothing and highly amusing! This is what I call “better living through mudge community,” although others may prefer to call it maize.
Frank Parsnip
November 21st, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

A3G: This whole gun battle that’s about to erupt is surely going to be something orchestrated by Doughboy Steve as a way to test who is going to be allowed into an “elite” unit that will be sent into Bad Homburg to assassinate Kaiser Wilhelm II while he takes in the spring waters there. Think of this as being like the “A-Team,” only everybody is armed with enormous Enfield rifles and potato-masher grenades… where “stealth” consists of your commanding officer not blowing his whistle too loudly as you enter the fray.

Dramatic tension will be kept by having Malotte rely on Malone and vice-versa, as both come to respect each other’s ability to use fishing and trapping skills to live off German eels and river fish in the polluted waters outside of armaments factories in the Ruhr. Malotte will sacrifice himself to pull in a barely edible trashfish by the Krupp factory’s runoff pipes, his thick hair becoming somewhat Gollumesque/Linusian. With his last breath, he’ll beg Malone to go back to pick up where he left off — to take over the Malotte guide business and to keep his wife’s womb filled with new babies.

MW: Yes, Mary, a hospital bed specially built for beagles is precisely what Chester needs to complete his “recovery”. But why not start out with something simple like an alarm that rings to remind you when it’s time to feed him. Chester’s looking a bit droopy now that he’s gone for about a week without food or water.

Archie: Yesterday: This would have been much funnier if Lodge had put on the photo onto a training dummy along with some of the clothing Archie left behind the last time he dove naked out of Veronica’s bedroom window. “Sic balls, Chopper!”

Today: Betty’s doing a great imitation of a blow-up doll in panel 1, or did Reggie dip his hand in some ice before touching her?

Sex Organ, M.D.: I didn’t realize bears were attracted to white trash.

FC: OK, no kid would really ask this, but I enjoyed this a bit today. Christmas carols before Thanksgiving? Of course it’s not really a “sin,” but it is annoying the way the start-date for X-Mas season is now sometime right before Halloween.

Marvin: OK, it wasn’t funny before and the text-messaging talk is not cute or funny now.

Jugs Parker: Thank heavens for panel 2 for getting the strip back to its main hooterific purpose. Sam has reverted back into his “dickish” mode — the only thing that could make it more awful would be if he would put on his David Caruso sunglasses for the rest of this conversation.

GT: Kaz, don’t you realize you shouldn’t practice things you’re not good at? Gil has dreams of using the Wing-T, the “Statue of Liberty” and “hail Mary” plays all day against the Jefferson Starship, the team whose single-minded bloodthirsty fans simply chant: “WE … BUILT … THIS … CITY! WE … BUILT … THIS … CITY!” until it creeps out the opposition.

In the end, we all know that victory is going to come down to Cully being sent in to tackle the other side’s quarterback with the same wrestling maneuver that killed the other kid.
Stev0
November 21st, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

My theory is the creator of Herb and Jamaal has made a pact with Satan that comes due the moment he uses a proper noun.
Uncle Lumpy
November 21st, 2007 at 1:40 am [Reply]

Here is the real Poteet, from a Civil Air Patrol poster.

BTW, Milton Caniff was a real mensch. The Art Director at my Dad’s ad agency in the ’60’s hired him to illustrate some print ads, and told Milt how much his son enjoyed Steve Canyon. A week later he got a poster-sized charcoal drawing of Steve with a personal note to his kid.

I bet he kept it.
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 1:40 am [Reply]

I just got out of Christy Canyon.
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Oh yeah, Enjoy theVealcowbisonbeefalo!
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

All this talk about Turduckins put me in mind of the monster in “The Horror of Party Beach” You know, it looked like a Chilean sea bass with a dozen frankkfurters stuffed in it’s gaping maw. Me go sleepy-bye now!
Anonymous
November 21st, 2007 at 1:54 am [Reply]

This has probably been posted here before, BUT JUST IN CASE: Live action Mary Worth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbUm4q5Euyk&eurl=http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=9193

Because Mary Worth and Eraser Head are a match made in heaven.
TB Tabby
November 21st, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

Archie: But not too polite to keep that to herself.

BB: The bloom is off the rose.

BC: Ho ho, those silly evolutionists and their evolution religion!

Blondie: I fully support Dagwood’s decision to halt the gradual expansion of the Christmas season.

DT: This is beginning to sound less like a revenge plot and more like a twisted reality TV show. IN other words, like a reality TV show.

FC: If it was, every mall in North America would have been razed to the ground by holy lightning by now.

(DT)GT: I know they mean a passing game, byt I can’t help but be amused by the mental image of the Milford team getting carpet-bombed.

MC: Platypus Amuck!

NS: I usually get annoyed by the “desponded turkey” jokes you always hear this time of year, but this one is funny.

OBH: My mind went to a very bad place in the first panel.
True Fable
November 21st, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

Now that I’ve had my say with Lynnie Baby, it’s time to snark on other mattters:

FC What is the deal here, just what do Thel and Bil say to their kids to make them wonder if every little thing they do is a sin? Good Lord, my family is Catholic, and my kids never EVER worried if it was a sin to sing Christmas carols at any time of the year. They might go to confession for saying, “Why the hell are Christmas displays being put up on Columbus Day?!” but at least they didn’t do like their father and say, “I dunno, but the store owner is one greedy son of a bitch.” Hail Mary, I reckon.
JP Look, Sam, you stupid son of a bitch (hail mary…) I have been doing my level best to defend you against those who claim you are gay or asexual. Naw, Sam’s a regular guy, he’s just really straightlaced, I say. Well not anymore. You’re a fucking MORON. A beautiful woman who tackles you and checks your teeth for cavities with her tongue is not APPALLING. She’s hot. Horny. Thorough. She wanted to ride you like a carousel, you big doofus, and you find it appalling?!?! Damn it, turn in your dick, Sam. It’s wasted on you.
MT Look in the shadows! It’s the Giant Headed Hat Man from the bar fight! At least, that’s who my money’s on.
MW Ten bucks says Mary brings home a doggie bed that looks like a little four poster bed, complete with its very own set of bizarre woodblock print pictures for the surrounding walls.
RMMD What, Rex, you didn’t notice that a cabin way out in the middle of nowhere didn’t have a lock on the door before now?
Maybe it’s June, highly pissed off because Niki cleaned the cabin and not her ‘garage’.
Abbey's Secret Lover
November 21st, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

I prefer to think that Abbey is horribly excited at the prospect of a three-some. Abbey? I’m free Wednesday afternoons…just, you know, sayin’…
The Avocado Avenger
November 21st, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

#138 Moon – Sigh. Well, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving, even though you didn’t sugar-coat it like I wanted you to.

Yuck. The thought of shoving one bird corpse into another one is disgusting enough, but to involve fatty duck in the matter takes it to a whole new level.

BC – Haw haw! Darwin was so stupid because he invented evolution! And evolution is stupid because then you get Turkeyhead Turtles! And turduckens.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
November 21st, 2007 at 3:04 am [Reply]

Jamus,

RE: “My Cage: Way to go, Norm. Mock the really hot babe on her television viewing choices. You weren’t gonna sleep with her before, but now you’re REALLY not gonna sleep with her. The CORRECT thing to say would have been, “Really, tell me more about the Parrots Hilton documentary. That sounds interesting.” And then zone out for five mintues while she tells you about it.”

Norm always tells the truth. Not always in a good way either. Even when he is smart enough to pull off a lie, he’ll usually follow it up with “You believe me? Really? HA! That’s awesome.”

Also, even though Maureen isn’t interested in Norm, I’ll let you in on a secret…Norm isn’t interested in Maureen either. Does he think she’s hot? Yes. Is Norm completely shallow with his fantasy life? Sure, BUT in real life it takes things like a ’sense of humor’ and ‘encylopedic knowledge of pop-culture’ for Norm to be attracted to a woman.

Norm’s not into ‘Barbie Doll’/Princess-y types. He likes artsy women…hippies, goth-chicks, emos, etc.

He’ll take a nose-ring and/or tie-dyed t-shirt over an extensive collection of clubbing outfits any day of the week. :D

BTW: We actually have a really good explanation of the Norm/Maureen friendship in the strip set to run the Saturday after Valentine’s Day.

LATER!
-Ed
SecretMargo
November 21st, 2007 at 3:10 am [Reply]

I actually thought Dinette Set was quite funny today, maybe because it was relatively uncluttered and had a joke that was structured like a joke rather than a meteor shower. Plus, it actually hits that “misanthropic yet loveable” tone that Crankshaft continually tries for and continually misses.

One question though: who puts bumper stickers on the front bumper? Especially a “I Brake for….” one? Who would that warn?
CrabbyGenes
November 21st, 2007 at 3:16 am [Reply]

#173 True Fable.

“Damn it, turn in your dick, Sam. It’s wasted on you.”

Thanks Now you’ve got me (laughing and) imagining a “Dick Exchange” area of a department store, with guys all waiting in line to, um “exchange.” (”I don’t like this one, haven’t you got something bigger?”)

Maybe YOU’D better say a few “Hail Mary’s”…:-)
Uncle Lumpy
November 21st, 2007 at 3:27 am [Reply]

#177 SM –

“WTG 2 HPN” — WTF? “Way to go to Westchester County Airport”? I got nuthin’.
SecretMargo
November 21st, 2007 at 3:41 am [Reply]

179: “Wishing To Get 2 Harry Potter Nudity”?

I’m stumped 2.

Maybe the joke is that finally, mercifully, one of the incidental details isn’t some snide snicker? Could it be?
Jym Driver
November 21st, 2007 at 3:51 am [Reply]

=v= JP (21-Nov-2007): Appalling. Appalling, I tell you. I’m still drinking glass after glass of nonbottled water just to get the taste out of my mouth. Then I’ll start working on those two cases of cabernet.
True Fable
November 21st, 2007 at 4:01 am [Reply]

#178 CrabbyGenes – ? Should I call myself a stupid son of a bitch, babyface? Aww.
:-)

But just look at him. A man just does not say he was appalled because a woman made overtures to him. All right, so this one in particular even conducted the first movement of a concerto too; he still shouldn’t say he was appalled.

Flabbergasted, startled, caught off-guard, flummoxed, astonished, tickled, bewildered, hijacked, felt up, tackled, handled, had unwelcome overtures…but not appalled by an attractive woman. An unattractive woman’s attention is still flattering (eye of the beholder and all that.) Unless, of course, Sam Driver’s just so damn sure of his manly self he’s full of confidence. And shit.
Captain Thunder
November 21st, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

#179 Uncle Lumpy, #180 Secret Margo:
WTG 2 HPN — Waiting to Happen? Maybe? I don’t know.
Brown-eyed Girl
November 21st, 2007 at 4:15 am [Reply]

179 Uncle Lumpy — WTG 2 HPN = waiting to happen
Brown-eyed Girl
November 21st, 2007 at 4:18 am [Reply]

183. Jinx! Not really, you beat me fair and square. Grandpa is “an accident waiting to happen”
SecretMargo
November 21st, 2007 at 4:24 am [Reply]

183/4: Thanks! I should known it had to be yet another joke. “I Brake for Accidents Waiting to Happen” is actually pretty funny. Phew! Now I can sleep!

Though it’s still puzzling why the stickers would be on the front….
True Fable
November 21st, 2007 at 4:32 am [Reply]

#186 SecretMargo – Good question. Maybe so everyone can see how clever you are, even when you are parked?
Bobdog
November 21st, 2007 at 4:44 am [Reply]

186 – because if they were in th back we couldn’t see them and their comic value would be severely diminished from our point of view.
Big Sims
November 21st, 2007 at 4:51 am [Reply]

186 Secret Margo et all,
It would make more sense if the letters were backwards so you could read them in your rear view mirror. I once had a old boat of a Chevy where I attached a praying hands medallion (Hail Mary…) to the grille so innocents would have one last chance at redemption before I smote them.
Big Sims
November 21st, 2007 at 4:57 am [Reply]

I never did smite an inocent.
True Fable
November 21st, 2007 at 5:00 am [Reply]

#189 Big Sims – I used to have an honest-to-goodness Dashboard Jesus for my car. You know, like the song in Cool Hand Luke:

I don’t care if it rains or freezes
‘long as I got my plastic Jesus
sitting on the dashboard of my car
Comes in colors pink and pleasant
Glows in the dark ’cause it’s irredescent
Take it with you when you travel far

Get yourself a pink Madonna
Dresses in rhinestones sittin’ on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Going ninety-five ain’t scary
’cause I got the Virgin Mary
Assuring me that I won’t go to hell

My plastic Jesus had a magnet on the bottom so it would stay in place and not slide around on the dash. However, every time I put it up there in a car, the car met with an accident or broke down or something. Maybe it worked TOO well, because if you can’t drive it, you can’t get in an accident and get hurt. So now I drive without one and the car runs fine. :-)
CrabbyGenes
November 21st, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

#189 True Fable (and others). Last time I went home, I took a small, light model of a portable Buddhist shrine, designated for traffic safety. It was about the size of a tennis ball, and you could fasten it to the inside window of a car by means of a suction cup.

My mom worries about my dad’s driving, and she made me stick it to the window of the car right away. People are always looking at it, wondering what it is.
CrabbyGenes
November 21st, 2007 at 5:30 am [Reply]

Whoops, True Fable was #191. Anyway, hi Big Sims! And SecretMargo and Uncle Lumpy if you are still up. And Brown-Eyed-Girl…I’m gonna quit. This is starting to sound like “good night” at the Waltons.
Big Sims
November 21st, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

The same car had not only a praying hands medallion but; a plastic Jesus, a plastic Virgin De Guadalupe, a plastic St. Michael and a plastic St. Martin De Porres. The car spent a lot of time busted down and not smiting innocents.

I’ll go 90 miles-per-hour,
Long as I know I’ve got the power.
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
John C Fremont
November 21st, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

JP – “One minute I was trying to reason with her… the next minute, glurg, glug, gulp, gurgle, gurgle, (cough, cough – gasp)… It was appalling.”
Mibbitmaker
November 21st, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

#159 (Irftp): (FOOB): During!

A3G: That’s not good![/Norm MacDonald]

FC: Yes, Dolly, it IS! (Anything to get the Christmas stuff started a week into December)

Lockhorns: That’s the idea, dumbass.

Zits: Please slap your son, Thelma!

FW: Karma!!!

Cranky: Please slap Crankshaft, Thelma!

FOOB: Oh, that ~~rotten, stinking cheating hypocrite Rod~~ John!

Buckets: You can slap Jeremy from Zits, too, if you like, Mr. Buckets.
Mibbitmaker
November 21st, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

(oops, left one out…)

Blondie: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em… subversively!
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

I just noticed Toeby is doing the major “S O W” up there, AKA “The Huge Vagina”….(youtube)
Red Greenback
November 21st, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

Here’tis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfHqv8YAA9w
Jamus The Bartender
November 21st, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

176. I like Norm better now.
lesles
November 21st, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

just to bring the turducken back into conversation, there’s a medieval version that involved oxen, deer, sheep, and goats as well as the poultry. like a giant never-ending meat kinder surprise.
Allie Cat
November 21st, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

TDIET – How about – they’ll do this 50% of the time? The other 50%, they’ll doggy bag the food and toss the beans.

JEEZ!
AhClem
November 21st, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

Today’s Blondie reminds me of a conversation I once had with my daughter, who was 5 or 6 at the time.
[WARNING: Cute Kidspeak Alert!]
We were driving down the street in early November, and she asked me why so many stores were already displaying Christmas decorations. I made a half-hearted attempt to explain commercialization and Holiday marketing. She frowned and said, “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet. They should have … Turkey lights!”
[insulin drip ON]
Inspector Dim
November 21st, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

So, what does the rest of Toby’s flyer say?

BEANY
DOG
FOUNDATION
Call Now!

BEACHED
DOGE
FOUND
Call Prof. Cameron!

BEAVER?
DOGGY-STYLE?
FOUNTAINS?
Call Toby!

BEASTLY
DO-GOODER
FOUND DOG
Call your friends and tell them about it
mnemonica
November 21st, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

This is a dog that falls comfortably asleep on blacktop. I don’t think he needs a dog bed.

Really, Mary Worth is starting to piss me off. “Let’s see, the dog’s real owner never thought to look for him at this remote bend in the road. So that’s where I’ll put up the only sign I’ll bother to make.”
Girl Reporter
November 21st, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

I’m glad that flier specified that the beagle found is the dog kind of beagle. That should clear up any confusion.
Damian P.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Ironically, the only current movie which could be characterized as a “sappy chick flick” is “Love in the Time of Cholera,” which only opened last weekend, meaning the tall guy (Herb? Jamaal?) couldn’t have seen it last week.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/

Well, looking that up wasted ten minutes. Only seven hours and 50 minutes until the office closes…
Joe
November 21st, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

FC: Yes Dolly, it is a sin. Just like what your mommy and the mailman were doing when they made you!!!!

FOOB: Show off the little snot to the seagulls and raccoons at the garbage dump. Then leave her there. In fact, take St. Michael with you!!!!
Inspector Dim
November 21st, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

FW: “Hello? You’re selling a WHAT? A bum surgery?! WHAT? Speak up! A ham dorky?! Can you talk a little louder!? A banned shirt key!? I’M A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING! A hand jerky!? …Okay, I’ll take one of those.”
Funky smelling crankshafted corpse
November 21st, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Ok, How the fark doesn’t that kid actually know what the fark a goblet is?

FW: Oh, so now Dinkle has buy one of those nasty birds. Tell me nobody saw that coming.

Sex Organ, MD: Yesterday’s creepazoid panel about cooking school was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Sally Forth: Yup, its stereotype time. Hubby is such a spazz that he’s going to completely screw up his Turducken. If we’re lucky there will be a fire in the kitchen before its all over. I predict that they will end up having Chinese take out for Thanksgiving.

Dick Tracy: Can this strip possibly get anymore inane?

Mary Worth: Is Chester humping Mary’s leg?
Dennis Jimenez
November 21st, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

Blondie – Plastic yams – is that what they were calling cajones in 1936?

Foob – Show her off – is that what you were calling it back in 1983, Dr. John – I’d be flush with embarrassment in the last panel, too.

MT – Elrod sure knows how to take the fun out of the funnies – well, OK, it’s sort of fun – if you’re a psychopath or taking hallucinogenics.

RMMBLA – And your pants are down around your ankles, Rex!

Archie – I like Ronnie – she never tires of working on my knob.

Luann – How ’bout the one from your automatic penis pump, Brad.

TDIET – At first, I saw Fisteena.

Adios Amigos
lesles
November 21st, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

#210 FSMCC – re S4th, i don’t really see it that way. i think it’s more about ted than ted being stereotypically incompetent in the kitchen. i suspect sally would have a similar reaction whether ted said he was off to cook turducken, make toast, dig a trench, start the car, or shave himself.

also, i’m giving ces the benefit of the doubt ’cause i don’t think he’d bother stooping to lazy cliche. and i’ve seen his medium large versions of ted, which probably colour my perception of the character.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 21st, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

11/21

WofI: Hoo-hoo, there’s nothing funnier in this world than families crushed by extreme poverty…

Archie: …except maybe for implied date rape.

Phantom: Not sure Conan is distributed in Southern Africa, oh Ghost Who Tailors his References for US readers.

A3G: “Wait, what the hell were we just talking about?”

BB: As spme have guessed, Miss Buxley didn’t show up this Wednesday. Apparently she traded shifts with Sgt Snorkel.

MT: If this sequence is about Johnny, why is he being blocked out by a Canadian dollar coin?

Luann: Unsafe at Any Jollity.

Blondie: Dagwood likes brussel sprouts? Damn, now even his taste in food is suspect.

Marvin: Wouldn’t hurt to drop the annoying typos either.

FC: Yes Dolly, in fact it’s a mortal sin.

MC: Ashley makes a sacrifice to the mad god Grant Morrison.

SFx: I wish Slylock were in this one to explain how the octopus got the beer.

Big Dog: Hey lady, Marm has a bone he’d like to give you. (No, I’m not proud.)

GT: Jefferson’s got B1 bombers? No way is that fair.

OBH: The waitress looks a little disappointed that Ruthie wasn’t propositioning her.

S-M: Persuaders Union Local 90 is so gonna hear about this.
gkl
November 21st, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

MW: Yep, nothing will cure unconsciousness faster than a bed.

GA: I’m not an expert old-timey wood wagon mechanic, but shouldn’t the axle go on the inside of the wheel?

GT panel 2: True dat double true.

Pluggers: But this technique wouldn’t work, because when you plug in electronics, the clock continues flashing 12:00 until you actually set the time. I guess a plugger’s soul is a sort of everlasting midnight.

MT: Oh-oh. There’s a man with a gun. And an osprey, who’s large enough to eat the man with the gun. Hey, I just saved three months of everyone’s life.

MF: Yeah, ’cause the United States and France have absolutely no history of cooperation. I bet Mallard thinks the Statue of Liberty is actually an update of the Trojan Horse, but it didn’t work because those stupid Frenchies were too busy eating cheese and wetting themselves to come out.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 21st, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Time for a special Thanksgiving edition of Spider-Brick Snarks the Comics.

9CL: If you keep stretching it, it’ll stay that way, and Francis won’t give you extreme unction any more.
I’m thankful for Edda in a leotard. I’d be more thankful if she had a chin.

A3G: “Can we invite Gary, who happens to be my playwright friend Neil’s oldest friend, over, Tommie, my neighbor who lives with fellow friends Margo and LuAnn in apartment 3-G? I’m thinking of doing some exposition later.”
I’m thankful nothing ever really happens in this strip, because I have enough going on in my life already to keep track of.

Archie: I think Betty’s right boob is about four inches too far to the right. She must have a space about six inches wide and flat as Kansas across her sternum.
I’m thankful for comic strips that remind me of my humanity… by contrast.

A.D.: Haw haw! It’s funny because evolooshunists are stoopid!
I’m thankful Johnny Hart is ~~dead~~ in Heaven right now.

(WT)DT: How will we decide the Governor’s fate? Do we flip a coin? Play rock-paper-scissors? Hire a consulting firm? Draw straws? What?
I’m thankful that I live in a country where a comic strip with the plot plausibility of Gasoline Alley, art quality of Gil Thorp, accessibility of Zippy the Pinhead and narrative consistency of Dinette Set is allowed to exist.

FC: Yes, Dolly. A mortal sin. Meet Archbishop Torquemada, who will help you confess that sin.
I am thankful that a good friend directed me to this blog, which she aptly described as “the only thing that can make Family Circus readable.”

GF: Hey, you got something to eat?
I’m thankful there’s SOMETHING on the comics page worth reading every day.

GT: If Milford wins this game, it won’t be because of the “Wing-T.” It’ll be because Gil convinced the other coach to put strips of duct tape on his players’ shoulders, so the Milford players can tell the teams apart.
I’ll be thankful if I get a copy of “Jedi Academy: Wing-T Pilot” for the Nintendo Wii for Christmas.

JP: No, no, Rex, the word you’re looking for has an “ea” in it, not an “al”.
I’ll be thankful if more than one in five ‘Mudgeons get that joke.

Lockhorns: The Lockhorns live in Austin.
I’m thankful I don’t live in Austin.

MT: Um… what the hell kind of mutant heron/penguin mix is that? A pengron? A heroin?
Mmmm… heroin. Uh, I mean, I’m thankful I’m drug free! Wheeee! Just say no, kids! And stay in school!

Big Dog: Alternate caption: “Marmaduke thinks you got a purty mouth.”
There is nothing about Marmaduke to be thankful for. Move along.

MW: Maybe some food. And maybe a leash. And maybe some replacements for the six pairs of shoes Chester will have chewed up by the time you get home. And a replacement couch (not because he’ll chew it up, just because it’s ugly).
I’m thankful there are people like Mary in the world, without whose selfless acts of kindness, sleeping dogs everywhere would have to wake up and walk home on their own.

MC: Meta! Cool. Hey, if Norm likes smart goth chicks, I wonder if he’s got a thing for Ashley? Uh-oh.
I’m thankful for every newspaper that gives promising new strips like My Cage a chance.

Phantom: When Tendai and her white pal fall off that scaffolding and Ghost-Who-Watches-Way-Too-Much-Late-Night-TV catches her, don’t forget that I called it.
I’m grateful Conan is in reruns.

RMMBLA: More information about chiaroscuro can be found on the Internet.
I’m grateful SOMETHING other than pederastic innuendo is going to happen in this strip soon.

S-M: “And while you’re at it, Persuader… bring me a CHEESE SANDWICH! With real cheddar, not that rubbery ‘American cheese food’ stuff! On rye… with just a touch of BROWN MUSTARD!” “Hey, I’m your muscle, not your sous chef!”
I’m thankful that I live in a land of opportunity where any guy with a 25-inch neck can be a supervillain, and even people with super-powers are free to sit on their asses and watch TV all day if that’s what they want.
Gabacho
November 21st, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Family Circus – Yes, Dolly, but for not for the reason you think. It is a sin to irritate your family with incessant singing cuteness any time of the year, especially from an unattractive child like yourself. That’s why Mommy is an automaton as her real emotions are too scary to express. So don’t do it.

Mary Worth – Is there no limit to Mary’s charity? She is going to buy the dog a bed even though ~~he is trying desperately to escape~~ his undeserving real owners might be found and take him away? The moral courage of Mary Worth surpasses all understanding.

If I didn’t believe this is going to turn out badly for Mary, I would stop reading now but I strongly suspect she is being set up for a major disappointment and it delights me. I know all Charterstone is waiting with baited breath to see Mary get hers and I urge the citizens to prepare to laugh and laugh hard.

Baby Blues – that little dumplin’ is as sweet as molasses. I hope they keep her.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 21st, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

#178 Crabbygenes,
It’s kind of like that old joke, the punchline being, “This one is very impressive. Do you have it in white?”
dyslexic dog
November 21st, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

Archie (Panel 1, pre-euphemistic cleanup): “I like Betty. She’s up for any position, any combination, any time. Rowrr!”

RMMD (from outside): “I WAAAAAAANT A CHEEEEESEBUUUUURGER!!!”

MT: “Okay, Shirley. You’re safe now.”

JP: Abby: “Yes, I remember. I know the feeling.”

FBoFW: “(…and chicks so dig a guy with a baby!”

Dilbert: Dilbert’s fierce anger turns him into Haunted House Picture Guy in DT.

Crankshaft: Wah wah wah wahhhhhh.

FW: Wah wah wah wahhhhhh.

Mutts: Mary Worth, but a lot cuter.

Happy November 22, everyone!

p.s. Hi, The Spectacular Spider-Brick. The Lockhorns may live in Austin , but right now they’re trawling through NY.
(And Austin’s actually a pretty decent place, unless you hate allergies.)
essteess
November 21st, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

MW: I’m sorry, but I have to say it — I think I _want_ Toby. Perky blonde WASP demeanor, burgundy pants suit and all. Right on her fashionable, tasteful settee.
Niall
November 21st, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Wednesday… Bump day!

There’s something afoot in A3G. Not only did Ruby decide to completely change her clothes while everyone was checking in on the screaming (from white pullover to yellow pullover, and an apron on top for good measure), but judging from the differences between yesterday’s panel 1 and today’s panel 2, Gina has decided to take off or just pull down her white tube top. I guess she’s getting ready for a true Hollywood party mood!

I know why yesterday was Buxley day; since for most USA people this week is a short 3-day week, the “middle” workday was yesterday, hence Buxley day was moved. Meanwhile, we are not getting an inch away from a relationship vibe here. If these Beetle/Sarge strips were few and far between, it’d be a running gag. But this many recently, this close together? We’re getting a completely different message here.

I’m amused at Blondie. Not for the bizarre and somewhat lame joke, but because it’s the year’s first view of snow in comics, and we’ve just had our first snowfall this morning. Why, yes, I am easily amused, why do you ask?

I never thought I’d say this, but I heartily and completely agree with today’s FC. I doubt I’ll be the only one. Mind you, I substitute “end of November” for “Thanksgiving”, because if I ever hear a store putting out christmas music before Canadian Thanksgiving, they’ll get an earload from me.

Uh, don’t be alarmed, Mary Worth, but I think that car is stalking you. Or trying to escape from you. Either way, it’s moving all by itself. I like the sign in panel 1: “Bea Do Fol Cal”. It has a certain freeform flow to it.

My Cage almost went meta, but unlike many other recent meta sightings, this one is actually funny because the meta is the setup for the physical punchline, which stems from established characterisation. Not only that, but I think this strip sets up the upcoming crossover, too… at least throws in the seeds of the possibility. Did I say this will be glorious? It’s going to be [Eccleston] fanTAStic! [/Eccleston]

The Phantom has no sense of proportion. How the heck does a few paintings in the local news somewhere in Africa be of any importance to a US late night show or warrant an appearance? Mind you, the audience reaction alone to a man in purple striped tights walking in would almost be worth it…

Shouldn’t Rex Morgan, as an “accomplished outdoorsman”, have as first thought that this could be a raccoon or other animal? And reassure Niki of this? I bet that’s what it is and they’re giving us a “false alarm” so that when the escapees do show up the duo will brush them off until too late, but it need not be drawn out (though lovingly so, in all this mood lighting) while they completely skipped the actual catching of the fish earlier. Wilson needs to learn basic pacing.

wins major, major points for telling kids about the psychedelic tripfest known as Yellow Submarine. How many will now pester their parents to see it? And parents think “Oh, it’s animated/a cartoon, it should be okay”? So, in essence, how many young minds will Mr Weber, Jr warp thoroughly from today’s strip alone? Hopefully, a lot. :) :) Also, he’s showing the dangers of alchol fetal syndrome in marine life; that squid only has 6 tentacles and is already alcoholic, from all the pollution thrown down into the sea over the years and affecting his mother. Truly, a veritable cornucopia of lessons today!

Archie just went into creepy mode today. Reginald, future spouse abuser. Why? He likes women who can’t say no to everything he does. And the moment he pushes too far and she refuses, he won’t be able to handle it.

How Gil Thorp remains a head coach is a mystery. He knows it’s a bad attack yet either still wastes time on it, or doesn’t spend enough time on it to improve it. And.. is panel 3 a reference to Jefferson Airplane??

Is that really what Pluggers would do? Because for those without technical know-how, it’s either a great idea, or a stupid one – a number of older VCRs and such continue to blink 12:00 until set. The time didn’t advance. And I’d get crazy even if the time was correct but the display blinked all the time.
Niall
November 21st, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Grr. I meant above that Slylock wins major, major points.
Dennis Jimenez
November 21st, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

219 – And leaning against a lamp post! Talk about exuding class.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 21st, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

#172 TB Tabby,
We’re of like mind on Dick Tracy. I’m half expecting the painting to give them two different 900 numbers to call, depending on whether they want the governor to live.
Mr. Sea Hag
November 21st, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

“Oh my God, my husband has a running sore!”
Buck Ripsnort
November 21st, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

#191– True Fable, I read awhile back that those plastic Jesuses (Jesi?) were discontinued because they melted in the sunlight from the windshield. “He eventually looked like Buddha,” said one irate Christian.
Dingo
November 21st, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

You know Rex Morgan has taken an interesting turn when a stranger is on the porch of the cabin and your first thought is “Threesome!”
bats :[
November 21st, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Well, nuts. I made several wry observations last night and forgot to hit the post button (my brain has been filled with mucus, apparently, with the first cold of the season). I can’t remember how witty I was.
Eh. This is what I’ve got:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2052948906/
bats :[
November 21st, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

MT: Oh, yeah…what da heck kind of thing is that thing in Panel 1? It looks like a penguin humped a stork.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
November 21st, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers is mine! They actually printed it! Woo-hoo!

Interestingly, they never gave me a heads-up or anything. I submitted my idea a while ago and then today, I was startled to see my name while reading my morning cartoons.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
November 21st, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

They also spelled “Toronto” wrong.
SmartPeopleOnIce
November 21st, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

#226 (Dingo) Threesome? Don’t you mean turducken?

PS: Way to go, SQB! (and it’s even funny!)
Old Goat
November 21st, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

Good article in today’s Wall Street Journal about the comics. “It’s No Laughing Matter” page D10, includes a supply-sided discussion about zombie strips such as Stale Peanuts and Lynn Johnston’s “domestic comedy” FBOFW plus the balance between “comfort food” strips such as “The Family Circus” and edgier strips such as “Candorville.” The article even implied that people read the comics to see how bad the jokes are. (Zut alors! I am shocked, shocked to find that snarking is going on here!)
SecretMargo
November 21st, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

230: Congrats! I stand by my earlier contention that this is much too clever to be authentically Pluggerish (as confirmed by Niall above). It’s like a TDIET that takes place outside a hospital — obviously hijacked by some chardonnay-swilling liberal brainiac. “Torono” might be a strategy to dumb it back down, though.

If I remember correctly, gh not only failed to receive notification but they used his real name even though he told them not to. Was the name they list the one you gave them? Is it yet another pseudonym, or your “real” name?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
November 21st, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

It might look like a pseudonym, but it is my real name.

What was gh’s Plugger idea?
commodorejohn
November 21st, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

A3G – Neil’s sleazy image is not improved by the fact that Gina looks about twelve in that first panel.

DT – I think they’ll pick “live,” so could you just release him now and save us the trouble of a really stupid storyline? I mean, seriously, this story doesn’t have anything going for it like the Baron or anything.

FC – Yes it is, Dolly. However, it’s only a venal sin: three Hail Marys and an Our Father.

FOOB – Another moderately amusing strip ruined by Lynn’s retconning, which reminds us that yes, that’s pretty much what children are to Elly. (Consider the plight of poor April, the walking sixteen-year-old disappointment, who doesn’t do anything worthwhile with her time like write brilliant bestseller novels or date the World’s Creepiest Man, and who isn’t attractive despite being less tarted-up than, say, Meredith.)

FW – Joke’s on you, Perm Kid! He can’t hear the doorbell ’cause he’s deaf!

GF – It looks like whoever was asking for this to be a solid week of Satchel eating things and then regretting it got their wish. I can only pray that the items consumed get even more absurd from here on out.

Garfield – You and Sarge both, cat.

GT – Gil excercises the oldest truism in sports: if at first you don’t succeed, find something else to do.

JP – Yeah, it was a narrow escape, all right. Heaven knows what’dve happened if she’d used her tongue! It’s too perilous to contemplate!

MF – You know, Tinsley, it’s not as if every French president has been a dickweed like Chirac. But then, I suppose French jokes are still funny in your world, whereas the rest of us got sick of them about a week after they started. Also, I know we have the coloring monkeys to blame for this, but the stupidity of this strip is only increased by the fact that what is supposed to be frost on the demons’ noses has been colored such that it appears instead to be some sort of skin growth.

MT – What is this, the Great Northwoods Customer War?

Marmaduke – Marmaduke is too busy inspect Guest #1’s hideous pig-nose to notice that the ladies are having a conversation, and would not give a crap even if he did notice, because Marmaduke does whatever Marmaduke wants.

MW – Potential for altered-text hilarity in the final panel = infinite. Also, “BEAGLE DOG FOUND.” As opposed to…BEAGLE CAT FOUND, I guess.

MC – Whoa, meta!

RMMD – Try all you want WILSON + NOLAN, you’ll never make this door-opening as creepy as what we witnessed last week.

SM – Truly, the dastardliest of deeds is about to be done.

Edison Lee – So this is what they mean by “brilliant mind.” He’s not a kid scientist, he’s a kid pseudoscientist. Come highschool, he and his friends will be passing around a bong under the bleachers and he’ll say something like “I’m looking for a cosmological link between the expansion of the human mind and the expansion of the universe,” and the other guys will be all like “dude, you got a brilliant mind.” Then he’ll set up a website and declare himself the “Wisest Human.”
SecretMargo
November 21st, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

234: SQB: gh’s idea: Pluggers are so soft in the middle now, though the rest of their lives are so hard.

I wish my name was cool enough to be assumed to be a pseudonym.
Niall
November 21st, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Congratulations, Skullturf! I was then correct with my initial “too clever” idea. :) I thought something similar to that had been mentioned here a while back, but I may be mistaken since I have only read this blog for a few months and the submission-publication time for submission strips like Pluggers is much longer.

“Torono”?? Geez. It’s like places outside the US aren’t allowed to exist.

And thank you SecretMargo. I was starting to despair no one read my pitiful attempts to snark. While I like my chosen setup (not starting with the strip name), I fear I’m rambling too many times and almost no one reads it. (Kinda like this very paragraph…)
SatanicMechanic
November 21st, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Doonsbury: At first I thought: “Jerry! Dead reference”, because isn’t “Thank Jerry!” somewhere in there with “hey now” and “R U kind”? I s’pose it wasn’t, but I can’t stop hoping to see a thinly vailed dead’ism slipped into the funnies one of these days.

Rex Morgan pd: Clearly trying to scare the beejesus out of the kid so that he has an excuse to share sleeping bags.

Luann: Despite the fact that the last couple strips have been anoying… OH MAN THATS JUST GREAT! XD Santa’s hand twirling off through the air is so freaking funny!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
November 21st, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

You know, the misspelling “Torono” doesn’t bother me quite as much as other misspellings of Canadian place names — at least this particular misspelling is faithful to the way locals actually pronounce it, where the second T tends to get elided.

What else may be interesting is that I’m pretty sure in my original submission, I think I said “VCR”. The cartoon printed today says “electronic equipment”.

I guess I myself am behind the times for saying “VCR” rather than “DVD player”.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 21st, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

High-five to Skullturf Q. Beavispants for the Pluggers comic! There’s hope for us all. Now, onward to the New Yorker Caption Contest!
Ned Ryerson
November 21st, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

A terrestrial day-active animal, the plugger hibernates in snowy climes. For more information, contact The Canadian Wildlife Service, Aughttowa.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 21st, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Skullturf Q. Beavispants @ 229: High-five for the Pluggers comic! There’s hope for us all. Now, onward to the New Yorker Caption Contest!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
November 21st, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Damn it, it told me it didn’t post the first time!!! Apologies for the duplicate.
Niall
November 21st, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

236. SecretMargo: I had a look at the rest of the strips on that page, and now I’m wondering when was the last time we saw Tiffany Fox. And if Weber will ever give us a strip with both Tiffany Fox and Cassandra Cat in it. Just to toy with us. :)
Niall
November 21st, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

239. Skullturf: and yet, he clearly drew a VCR. Boggles the mind that he went all H&J-generic on us.

241. Ned Ryerson: that is indeed exactly how my city’s name is pronounced. :)
Marthas Rolling Pin
November 21st, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

#213 AfkaB, Ghost is referring to Conan Mfuiwidiskomik, Bangalla’s top morning show host.
Pinokeyo's Wife
November 23rd, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Give me a big ol’ dose-a Sea Hag any day of the week.
Amy
November 28th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

MW – As the owner of a 6 month old boxer puppy, I am not buying the ruse the Chester is so well behaved. I want to see a comic where he takes a dump on the carpet in the middle of Mary’s living room. That I’d believe.
Doodee
February 1st, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Thanks for sharing

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