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Ain’t no party like a Patterson party

For Better Or For Worse and They’ll Do It Every Time, 12/18/07

Just to show how deeply the FOOB hooks have sunk into all of our hearts, I’d like to confess that, like several commentors, I was doing the math in my head yesterday when April said that there’d be 14 guests at the Christmas Patterbash. Who would the extra two be? Today we learn that they’ll be Deanna’s parents, which I am quite frankly very pleased about. Deanna’s mother may be awful and hateful, but there will be nobody for that hate to be focused on except her in-laws, and that can only be a good thing. Her constant harping and barely passive aggression should up the chance of someone getting punched in the face, and I’m going to need to hold on to that possibility if I’m going to make it through this.

Deanna may be pleased now about how much help she’ll be getting from her guests in the food prep department, but today’s TDIET holds a clue to her inevitable post-party future. The glassy-eyed Deanna-bot will no doubt be grimly polishing the dishes long into the evening, as Mike teaches the kids how to break things, or, more likely, hides in his attic office, staring at the computer screen and indulging in an inner monologue in which self-doubt provides a thin veneer for self-aggrandizing.

(Bonus Scadutoism: “Reunionite.”)

Apartment 3-G, 12/18/07

Directions Eric could be going with this:

  • “Look, Margo, it’s been fun having sex with you and all, but this is pretty much where I start making excuses for not seeing you.”
  • “It’s just that … having seen the horror of my parents’ marriage … I just don’t know if I can ever truly … commit myself …” (Note: May be cover story for previous bullet point.)
  • “Oh, you’re from a dysfunctional family too? And have never learned to express feelings in any kind of healthy way either? Well, we’re perfect for each other then!”
  • “Margo, what I’m trying to say is that you remind me of my mother. And my mother is fucking terrifying.”

Curtis, 12/18/07

Despite my Curmudgeonly status, I must give props to even those corny jokes that give me little guffaws of joy, and the image that Curtis offers today — of snowflakes that are really tiny elf turds — definitely did that. I might feel differently the next time it snows and I’m unable to get the image out of my head. I also like the way Curtis is rooting around the branches of the Christmas tree, looking for anything even remotely edible to cram down his insatiable gullet.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/18/07

Dear Funky Winkerbean:

Ahem.

A “SOLO CAR DATE” IS NOT A REAL THING THAT ANYONE ACTUALLY SAYS. REPEATING IT OVER AND OVER WILL NOT MAKE IT A REAL THING THAT ANYONE ACTUALLY SAYS.

I thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
The Comics Curmudgeon

Archie, 12/18/07

“To be honest, though, I think a lot of people are just stopping by his booth to stare at his crotch.”

475 responses to “Ain’t no party like a Patterson party”

  1. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Oh great, now I can’t not look at Moose’s crotch.

  2. evh
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure whether the X’s or the O’s are on defense, but I have to question Moose’s strategy…

  3. Wayne
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    I was hoping someone would bring up this issue of a “solo car date.” Still, what the heck is it?

  4. Allie Cat
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    FW (and Josh) You know, actually, back in the day, we did say “car date” so I can infer what is meant by “solo car date”.

    That still doesn’t make it into everyday vernacular.

  5. Ringo Beaumont III
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    “Reunionite”? I know Al Scaduto’s no longer in a position to defend himself here, but…is that even a word?

  6. AhClem
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Curtis reminds me of one of those e-mailed “Holiday Greetings” cartoon collections that appeared in my in-box recently. One of the cartoons showed a factory with ice cream cones moving along a conveyor belt, and a series of snowmen pooping into them.

  7. zadig
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Football diagrams are only “abstracts” if the Archie Joke Generator doesn’t know what “football” is. So now we know.

  8. Jim
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Excuse me, but FW has flash forwarded into the future. How do we know that solo car date has not become part of the new vernacular? Get hip with the times, old man! And shouldn’t they be solo flying car dates?

  9. Fred...Just Fred
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Wow. FW makes something as potentially festive as decorating the christmas tree into something that resembels giving an elephant a prostate exam. Oh and an opportunity for family strife, too. Is there anything that this strip doesn’t rape with misery?

  10. Allie Cat
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Solo car date:

    You and another individual go on a date, just the two of you, and one of you drives.

    Early forms of dating may take the form of having a parent providing transportation, or a group outing where a peer drives, but there are seven of you, and in theory, you’re not pairing off.

    As I indicated in yesterthread, my first solo car date took place in May of 1990. I was fifteen, he was eighteen. He picked me up in his mother’s station wagon, we went to the movies – it was Sunday afternoon, we went to see Driving Miss Daisy.

    A girl never forgets her first solo car date.

    But she never calls it that, either.

  11. OdeToLA
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Wouldn’t a “solo car date” mean driving somewhere alone? Is daddy worried that his precious little girl will be masturbating in the back seat?

  12. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Dang, Moose is selling the plans to Gil’s Wing-T! There’s going to be some one-legged ass kicking if Valley Tech gets wind of this!

  13. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    My first repost:

    If no one else will kill/immortalise Solo Car Date Then I will!

    Auto Erotica?

    A date with The Man From Uncle’s Robert Vaughn?

    No lipstick on the dipstick?

    One on the floor.

    A sock on the stick shift?

    Manuel transemission?

  14. Gal Friday
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Luckily for all, Francie–who’s not on the Lizbreath and Blanthony bandwagon–will be locked in the basement and not coming to dinner.

  15. Joshua
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Ringo: It’s funny that I picked out the same word, but for a completely different reason. Weird indiosyncratic coinages like “reunionite” are precisely why TDIET has slowly grown on me. ;)

    (Although, since I can’t resist being at least a little pedantic, it probably should be something more like “reunionate”.)

  16. BuddyandHopkins: Hilarious Music Cartoons
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Let’s all remember that Funky Winkerbean is now ten years into the future, where half of the earth’s inhabitants have been replaced by robots who try to fit in, but slip up at times by saying phrases like, “solo car date.”

  17. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    whoops
    last one should read
    Manuel transemission

    WWJD
    What would Jesus Drive?

    Emmanuel Transmission

  18. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    And will anyone be surprised if Therese shows up?

  19. The Avocado Avenger
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    We need Curmudgeonly gear that says “SOLO CAR DATE” on it. With a little asterisk that says it’s not related in any way to the Solo Cup Manufacturing Concern.

  20. Gal Friday
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    DT: As the rest of the comics page slouches toward Christmas, Dick Tracy is still on November 1 in the Haunted Mansion.

  21. Josh
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    #5 Ringo/#15 Joshua — Thanks for reminding me of the Bonus Scadutoism™ that I had intended to highlight — added to the main post.

    Josh

  22. Non Compost Mentos
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    You know, I’ve been thinking of changing my nom de snark for a while…maybe “Han Solo Car Date”? “Solo Carbon Dating”? Just the plain unadorned “Solo Car Date”? Or maybe I should keep the pseudonym as it is, in tribute to the late Mr. Scaduto (and a cha-cha-cha…)

    And should someone who posts as infrequently as I do even bother thinking about this?

  23. infallible
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    How many parties have been planned that ended with the phrase, “…and Iris is bringing the wine!” in the FOOBiverse? Isn’t that why Gramps married her in the first place?

  24. cheech wizard
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Moose ain’t no moose. And he’s no David Beckham either. Though his overall physique does somewhat resemble a tractor.

  25. Patrick
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Who can look at Moose’s crotch when he’s wearing the shoulders and short sleeves of a t-shirt, cut out to show his hairless, nippleless, navel-less torso, two black armbands and two black wristbands? Those aren’t football diagrams behind him, they’re storyboards for the gay S/M movie he just came from shooting.

  26. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    #14. Gal Friday -

    Unfortunately for Francois, control freak Assthony has had her locked in the basement since her embarrassing insubordination episode at the mall. He will not let any mistake like her get in between him and the Patterfoob thousands…

  27. TomSFox
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Note how Curtis’ mom talks to some imaginary friend in the last panel.

  28. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Patrick
    And what is that Black appendage hanging down from the three legged stool?

  29. Little Guy
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    JP: Augh! It’s Judgy CancerParker written by Bailuk! Break out the pink ribbons!

    FC: Does one go on a Solo Car Date in a Millienium Falcon?

  30. Krohmdohm
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    I really realized how much I’m gonna miss Mr Scaduto today. It the little oddball urges that made me fall in love with TDIET.

  31. Krazy Kat
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Krazy Kat say BRING ON THE CURTIS KWANZAA SPECTACULAR!

  32. NightRaven
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    It’s not a *solo* car date if you’re two. Solo = 1, duo = 2.
    2 [NOT EQUALS] 1.

    BTW, I know this is old hat now, but I’ve just catched up on reading the threads here, and I noticed mentioning of the 50/52 states of America.
    Funnily, I’m almost positive that we learned back in school about the 52 states, this was a Norwegian school and after a bit of googling it seems the Icelanders were taught this as well?
    Anyway, I also found this:
    http://ows.doleta.gov/unemploy/pdf/2001ch203.html
    A .gov page listing the 52 states!
    (And, yes, they’ve included Puerto Rico and DC, for some reason)

  33. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #29 – Little Guy: Does one go on a Solo Car Date in a Millienium Falcon?

    I think either a Ford Millenium Falcon or a Ford Galaxie Far Far Away.

    God, someone stop me now…

  34. OdeToLA
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps, in the future, “solo” is the new combinant form of “so low,” which is the category of futuristic ultra-low-rider that all the cool guys are driving.

    I had more to say about that, but, my God, it’s just stupid. I don’t even know why I’m posting this much. I’m probably just trying to front to cover my shame for not thinking of the Man From U.N.C.L.E. reference.

  35. willethompson
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    If you interpret Moose’s art as representations of sperm trying to tackle the ova, staring at Moose’s crotch makes perfect sense.

  36. OdeToLA
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Wait, I have something to add to the Man From U.N.C.L.E. thing!

    “Maybe he’s afraid that Robert Vaughn wants to show her his Magnificent Seven.”

    Yeah! Take that, good taste!

  37. Ray G.
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Maybe “solo car date” is an popular term in the year 2017.

    Which going by the last few weeks of Funky Winkerbean, would be the only innovation in the last ten years that passed. There’s a disturbing lack of flying cars, and comics sure aren’t funnier.

  38. Stij
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    It is just me, or does Summer look less like a teenage girl and more like a member of the Beatles? Seriously, no 15-year-old girl has hair like that.

    Then again, this is THE FUTURE so maybe ridiculous fem-mullets are in style then.

    Also, Josh, could you activiate my account on the forums? I sent you an email a couple days ago…

  39. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    I think the most disappointing thing about the future a la FW is the fashions. Where’s the silvery one-piece jumpsuits that I was promised by so many sci-fi flicks? And why the heck are we still living on Earth? How many colonies are there on the moon? We have this great resource right here and all we can see is someone’s weird, quasi-slang dialogue as they decorate an ordinary Christmas tree. Damn you, Batiuk, you had this great asset and you blow it.

  40. Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking the “solo car date” phenomenon may be related to the “roadside gig” phenomenon. I eagerly await the appearance of more bizarre car-related teen sex euphemisms in the funny pages.

  41. Little Guy
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

  42. Beppo
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Margo, ditch this loser! Can’t you see that I love you? Let’s go on a solo car date and we can realize our love for each other!

  43. flimflam
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Moose’s stool isn’t sitting at groundlevel.

    As near as I can figure, this is performance art in which he takes a “stool” on football strategy as a metaphor for the war in Iraq.

    Yoko Ono would be proud.

  44. Josh
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I too have encountered the 50/52 state thing. It isn’t logical, but I think it’s because people have internalized the idea that there are 50 states, but also think of Alaska and Hawaii as being fundamentally different. (When we went to Hawaii with my parents last year, I had to keep assuring my stepmother that we could call each other on our cell phones and it wouldn’t be an international call.) Thus, I think there’s a half-conscious bit of math that goes “50 states + Alaska and Hawaii = 52″.

    I also once got into an argument with a friend when I mentioned that there would be stars added to the US flag if Puerto Rico or DC or something became a state. He seemed to think that they’d never do it because it would “mess up the pattern.”

    #38 Stij — I’m gonna do it tonight, I promise! It’s enough of a pain in the butt that I generally wait until I have three or for requests in the queue and then do them all at once.

    Josh

  45. Facebones
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    So what does the golden Kwanzaa otter poop out this year?

  46. El Santo
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    “Reunionite” is such an awesome expression that if it isn’t really a word, it should be.

  47. etho
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    To me, “Car Date” means awkward, unprotected sex in a Trans-Am. So presumably “Solo Car Date” means masturbating alone in a Trans Am while crying tears of shame and misery.

    Personally, I think she’s ready.

  48. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD:

    Okay, now I get it. Remember the concern with Rex being “disappointed” in Niki? Apparenly meth-mom got wind that Rex was planning an overly elaborate sting for Niki in the woods. You may be thinking too overly elaborate but remember they spent about 8 months with trout metaphors.

  49. asdf
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    I think she (if that is a she, it’s hard to tell in cartoon land) means a “real car date,” not a “solo car date,” a phrase which, I agree, makes no sense. Obviously, the writer of the comic doesn’t have kids of dating age or doesn’t care about the quality of his or her writing.

  50. nashtbrutusandshort
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Strangely enough, that strip made me think that the right artist could actually make some interesting art out of football play diagrams. I mean, Jaspers Johns was able to do wonders with targets and flags, and Mondrian with simple colors and straight lines; could it be that the Archie Joke-Generating Unit 3000 has exhibited its first burst of creativity? Sign it up for the Turing Test, posthaste!

  51. Ranger
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh no…Bull discovered the secret to the Wing-T!

  52. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Les is probably worried Summer will get SCD’s.

  53. DAS
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    It is just me, or does Summer look less like a teenage girl and more like a member of the Beatles? Seriously, no 15-year-old girl has hair like that. – Stij

    I wondered something similarly. Why is Summer so bummed about not being able to go on a “solo car date” until she is 30 when she clearly (in the first two panels) looks like a genteel middle aged woman of the sort who lives on the Mainline in the Philly suburbs? Of course, she looks like she’s youthened by the 3rd panel.

    Anyway, the least she could do is try to butter her dad up by, um, helping him instead of standing around and bugging him …

  54. bats :[
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    17. ltrftp Hedly:

    WWWD?
    What would Webster drive?

    Emmanuel Lewis Transmission

    sorry

  55. Ranger
    December 18th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Man, do I not have it today or what. I of course meant Moose, not Bull. At least I got an animals name and didn’t call him Rose or something.

    Speaking of Rose, does anyone else want to drop kick Clem into the next county?

  56. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    #55. Ranger -

    I actually had a good laugh envisioning a long mad Gil Thorp traveling to Lost Woods to protect his beloved offensive scheme. To quote Luke Wilson, Bull “did not see that coming.”

  57. sonneta
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    How come Curtis and FW have the exact same color palate? In both, the male is wearing the standard blue and the female is wearing the standard pink. Add in the Christmas trees in both, and on first glance I thought Josh had posted the same comic twice.

    FOOB: No, Francie has to come, else it would only be 13. (Unless Apes is bringing the boyfriend du jour or something.)

  58. Ian Cameron, PhD
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I thought that Reunionite was a cheap, high-alcohol wine widely available in the 70′s ala “Reunionite on ice – that’s nice!”

  59. Cornwhacker
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Have you tried The Urge to Reunionite on ice? It’s so nice.

  60. Foobar
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    I thought Mr. Scaduto died? How long is he going to “Tupac it”?

  61. Niall
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, Josh, stop impersonating Uncle Lumpy and posting all the time! :)

    I actualy tried to be funny with my snark, but I don’t repost really long stuff, so I’ll have to link to it instead despite the fact almost no one will click. Just below are all my insightful replies to yesteryesterthread and the proper critical views by a few new people who brought up valid debating points on all our My Cage and Cassandra fixation.

    41. Little Guy: Bravo!!!

  62. Moss_Moses
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Since there will be a violent dog fight, why not a cat fight, biddy vs snob. Let’s get ready to humble!

    Legless husband of cancer patient versus busty lusty Rusty. That seems like a no-brainer to me. Hire her quick before Randy pesters you to hire the wounded vet.

    The cigar is a “small brand”. What the hell does that mean and why is it a clue? Is it a small Tiparillo type cigar or is it an unpopular brand of cigar? I’m trying to picture the stogie Bull was smoking and it seemed like a regular sized cigar, if I’m not mistaken.

  63. Allie Cat
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    #58 – I was waiting for someone to come up with a Reunite connection.

    I can only add that Peaches and Herb did it justice with:

    “Reunionited and it feeeells so gooooood!”

    Also – confidential to True Fable – I heard Andy Williams’ “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” en route to work this morning and thought of you.

    I did not engage in any car dating because of it. Solo or otherwise.

  64. Cornwhacker
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    58: Cheers, Dr. Ian! I knew I should’ve previewed.

  65. Niall
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    59. Cornwhacker: I prefer my Reunionite Urge straight, thanks.

    60. Foobar: I answered that below the link I just posted, but all strip artists work two or three months in advance, partly for this very reason of needing to find a replacement (artist or strip), partly for lead time for any publicity on a storyline (and knowing it’s all inthe can and the creator won’t spring surprises on you), and partly, traditionally, for being able to send it to all papers on time (this has been reduced to mere seconds now).

  66. Ian Cameron, PhD
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Reunionite – the preferred libation at Santa Royale mixers.

  67. Lord-z
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    He was 18, when he first went on this here “solo car date”, whatever fancy term that is. I don’t think that that is so bad. Unless it is some sort of lame code for being 36 years old at the time.

  68. Josh
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    #57 Sonneta — The colorized strips you see online are all from King Features, and are all colorized by the same central facility (not by the original artists). Said facility does indeed seem to have a fairly limited palette — they may be using only the 16 canonical Web-safe colors, which are the 16 colors supported by old-school Windows VGA displays. This, I’ve always assumed, is why so many people in the soap strips wear those electric blue suits — I think they’re going for “navy” but that’s the darkest blue available.

    Josh

  69. Lloyd S.
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Moose may not be prime husband material, but your crotch check comments are on the money. Moose has definitely evolved over the years, from plain old big lug to hunky stud. Look at those bulging pec, bis, delts. That V-shape torso. He’s obviously been hitting the gym big time. Can you say porn? Caus’ when football’s over that’s where he’s going.

  70. Uncle Lumpy
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    partly, traditionally, for being able to send it to all papers on time

    “They’ll Do It Every Time” actually got its start as filler for material that didn’t arrive on time. From Don Markstein’s Toonopedia:

    Jimmy Hatlo was a sports cartoonist at The San Francisco Call-Bulletin when a package of cartoons failed to arrive from the syndicate, and he had to draw one to fill what would otherwise have been a hole in the page. As his topic, he chose the little ironies of everyday life. The first They’ll Do It Every Time appeared on February 5, 1929, and it’s been running ever since.

  71. The Uncola
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    FW: Although I do have to say I think etho (#47) has distilled the essence of “Solo Car Date”, I would like to propose that this is actually secret code for another, much more sinister event. Just look at some of the anagrams of SOLO CAR DATE:

    Taco Ordeals
    Taco Loaders
    Coast Ordeal
    Ascot Loader
    Coals Orated (!)
    Lactose Road
    Doctoral Sea
    Coasted Oral
    Aorta Closed
    Coastal Redo
    Carload Toes
    Arcade Tools
    Arcade Stool

    and that’s just the 2-word anagrams. The 3-word ones are just too many to go through (although Oral Ascot Ed, Oral Cats Ode, and Oral Scat Ode are notable). I think any of these phrases could describe something that nobody should have to endure until they are at least 30 years old.

    I anagram the comics so you don’t have to.

  72. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    #71 – The Uncola -

    ummm, thanks? I must admit I am fascinated by Lactose Road.

  73. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    and not in a good way…

  74. Stij
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    I…..I actually laughed at Curtis today. And not in an ironic way.

    Huh.

  75. Fokker
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Foob: In panel 1, Dee is in a decent position for doggie-style.

  76. The Uncola
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Sans Sense: I’m sorry (but not liable) for any permanent damage I’ve done to your soul with those images.

    Plus, I just realized I missed out on “Ascot Ordeal”, and “Oral at Coeds”, glaring omissions on my part.

  77. Gal Friday
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: why is the person who’s probably on a fixed income bringing the wine?! Unless the ultra-fun boxed kind!

  78. bats :[
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    41. Little Guy: I admit it…I’m just gilding the lily on your insightful comment:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2121541214/

  79. Allie Cat
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    #77 – Gal Friday – I’m assuming she the wine herself in the bathtub, using fruit cocktail and sugar.

  80. Bunnë
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    When I saw FOOB this morning, I though, boy, that turkey she’s roasting is going to taste good when they eat it next week.

    Seriously, having their Christmas day storyline start this far in advance is making me feel paranoid about my own preparedness for Christmas. I still have to buy my dad a present, and here Deanna’s halfway done cooking dinner already! And she doesn’t even have to make the potatoes!

  81. bats :[
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Reunionite – the preferred liquid to pour over corn flakes at Santa Royale breakfasts.

  82. bats :[
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    (I heard that from Mary Worth…not that I believe it…just sayin’…)

  83. Comixchick
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Is anyone else disturbed by how much Mike’s kid looks like Mike’s sister? I mean, I understand family resemblance, but Deanna might want to ask Mike where he got the “donor” eggs for their first procedure.

  84. Starrynight
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    I guess you go on a solo car date after your tree-in-the-house party…

  85. Godzooky
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    FW: If Les is this worried about a “Solo Car Date,” can you imagine when Summer asks to go on a “Multi-Car Date?”

    MW: Is there enough material yet for an MW “Dog Fu Fighting” video?

    My Cage: At the risk of being condemned for heresy, doesn’t Maureen look hotter than Cassandra in today’s strip?

  86. Brown-eyed Girl
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    solo car date = roadside!

  87. Zamboni_Rodeo
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    #71, Uncola: This being FW, I’m thinking that “aorta closed” may be the answer we’re looking for. Look for Les to suffer a massive coronary when he discovers that Summer has snuck out to go on her solo car date after he specifically forbade her not to.

    On the advice of ltrftp Hedley from a couple of yesterthreads ago, I’m going to repost a request for some ‘Mudge ballot box stuffing. A friend of mine is competing in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest online, and I took the pics for her. I would be most appreciative (as would she), if ya’ll could take a moment and cast a vote for her. The website’s kind of snarky in that you have to register in order to vote (and if you’re on a Mac, you’ll need to use Firefox), but at least they don’t require you to give up your firstborn.

    Register here

    Vote for my friend here

  88. Keg of Curd
    December 18th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    85, Godzooky: Take a mathematician’s word for it. “Foxes > cats” and that’s a strict inequality.

  89. bats :[
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    87. Zamboni Rodeo: and, of course, Lactose Road is where all those crazy, horny kids from Funkytown go on their solo car dates…

    (Wasn’t this a name of an Erskine Caldwell novel?)

  90. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    # 89. – bats :[

    I’m pretty sure Lactose Road was a Springsteen song.

  91. Red Greenback
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Moosetoe!
    TDIET: “Reunionite is quite possibly the greatest “urge” i’ve ever heard. Rest in Peace, Mr. Alvaro Scaduto.

  92. jguitar
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Reunionite is to family reunions what kryptonite is to former residents of Krypton.

  93. The Grandstanding Oddball
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    I’m baffled by the anguish with which Mary implores Chester not to yap at The World’s Angriest Woman and Her Man-eating Chihuahua. Bitch, please. First of all, Chester has proven to be an incredible shrinking animal. Now that he’s the size of a guinea pig, pulling him away from a minor yapping session should be fairly easy.

    Call me when you’re retraining an abused greyhound who’s decided to tangle with a mentally unstable Rottweiler. How on Earth did you make it to Vietnam and back without having a nervous breakdown?

  94. Girl Reporter
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    For some intolerant folks, a wrong turn on Lactose Road leads to a trip on the Hershey Highway.

  95. Snicker
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    “The urge to reunionite them on the moon”?

    It’s like Scaduto knew he was going to die and wanted to go out with a wry self-parody.

  96. davem
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Side note: if you google “solo car date,” the first hit is this entry. Everything else is about car seats or car accidents.

  97. Champ
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    The only possible way this current Mary Worth story line could become interesting is if an unleashed pit bull jumps out of the bushes, eats both dogs and then begins boning Mary’s leg.

  98. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro:

    There is something sad and touching to Bizarro today. The two little Bob Newharts have just become aware they are anachronisms and subject to outsourcing. Are there enough Pluggers in the world to foist wooden iPods onto?

  99. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: Apparently Billy wandered into an alternate universe where they have flat panel TV’s and the Mitchell Report. At least the flat panel is in black and white or the wee dude would be freaked.

  100. Sans Sense
    December 18th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    GT: If Gil Thorp were a motion picture, would we all get seasick?

  101. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    60
    Foobar
    Tupac is Kaput?

  102. Max
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    83: Further proof that Liz has what it takes to be the perfect mom?

  103. Ukulele Ike
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Th’ hell with “Solo Car Date!”

    I need a coffee mug that reads “Dick Hasn’t Called from the Haunted Mansion and it’s Late Morning!”

  104. Nil Zed
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    My first solo car date? I don’t remember. Really. My parents hadn’t set up a lot of rules about that. Raising a geek daughter made that easy.

    My first dropped off at the movies to meet my date was to see Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. and that date went on to be a murderer. those of you in the Seattle area could go visit him at his permanent residence.

  105. James Kabala
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Just for the record, there are a few pages of Google hits for “solo car date,” the first few already alluding to this strip and the rest mainly quoting the autobiography of Brenda Lee. (I originally included a link, but it was flagged as spam. You can do the search yourself.)

  106. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    54
    Bats with Emoticon
    (is it supposed to look like a bat?)
    Of Course
    Sheesh

    Bad news on Fett Front. No luck at 2 Targets in Suburban Cincy.

  107. Little Guy
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    61 Niall and 78 bats [: Just to give credit to our wonderful bloghost, Josh, for the original pic. I just did the link-and snark.

  108. James Kabala
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    davem: I don’t know how we got different results, but my search clearly found a couple authentic uses of the term.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Yeah, no doubt about it. Moose. Is. Sitting. Like. That. God. Help. Us. All.

    A3G: Eric is tapping his inner 14 year old girl. “You know that song where Pat Benatar says love is a battlefield? It’s totally true!”

    MF: Always nice to see Bruce Tinsley run through the oh-so-Christmassy list of people he still hates.

    9CL: Hm. Probably not the best time to point out that “relocation” isn’t a verb.

    JP: Turns out it really has become a subdivision of Funky Winkerbean.

    S4th: Ah, soon Ralph will be sexually-harassing left and right, bless his horny heart.

    MC: Still funny.

  110. craigharris.com
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    I imagined that I’ve caught several hundreds of snowflakes on my tongue during my childhood and now, thanks to Curtis, I now realize that I was merely functioning as a Port-a-Potty to a multitude of elves.

  111. Ukulele Ike
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Bunne @ 80: Dee read a recipe that said to roast the turkey for four and a half hours at 325 degrees, so she did the arithmetic and is roasting it for six days at 45.

    Godzooky @ 85: Normally, Maureen’s suit-skirt hem falls just above the knee. In honor of Cassandra’s hiring, she has allowed it to creep past mid-thigh. Life is good.

  112. Tabby
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    don’t be put off by the fundie sounding url, this is teh funny

    http://www.goingjesus.com/cavalcade/

  113. Deena in OR
    December 18th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy…

    I’ve moved our discussion to the Cockpit so as not to disrupt things here. I’ve provided some quotes from the Catechism, just for discussion’s sake. No intention of being argumentative…I just wanted to cite my references :)

  114. craigharris.com
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Archie got whacked after this comic because I have an eerie feeling that the guy with the menacing stare in the first panel is somehow related to the “Members Only Jacket Guy” in the Sopranos.

    Don’t stop…

  115. Uncle Lumpy
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #113 Deena –

    I’ve never even been to the Cockpit – but now I can’t wait!

  116. Rhekarid
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Reunionite: a rare element that occurs naturally every few years, expelling toxic gas for approximately twelve hours before dispersing.

  117. craigharris.com
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    “Solo Car Date” could mean hot man-on-car action, usually referred to as Machiniality by fetish groups and Christian Fundamentalists.

    It definitely gives new meaning to Axel Foley’s “ol’ banana in the tail pipe trick”! (…and if you have OnStar, you could call the car the morning after…or not.)

  118. Uncle Lumpy
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    I remember mine. I was standing all alone at the corner. The first was a ’57 Fairlane, with those round taillights. “Fifty-seven”, I said, then “fifty-three”, “sixty.” It went on like that all day long, then I went home. When I told my Dad what I’d done, he got really angry.

  119. Retromancy
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Archie would be much more interesting if you imagine that Moose has just done a series of acid spot paintings

  120. TurtleBoy
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Ain’t but one way this Foob storyline is gonna redeem itself: “food fight.”

  121. Niall
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    66. Ian Cameron: wouldn’t Santa Royale libate to Interventionite?

    70. Uncle Lumpy: thanks for quoting me! :) And yes, I was aware of how TDIET started, which makes this rather ironic… worthy of the strip, really.

    ..oral at coeds… if this isn’t a porn movie by now, it should be. :)

    78. bats :[ : so wrong, but so funny

    85. Godzooky: nah, not to me. Maureen has the overly-hourglassed figure I never found attractive, while Cassandra has a more subdued shape and… wait a minute.. is Cassie checking out Maureen? Look at where her gaze is fixed.. and that little smile…

    ..okay, I don’t think I can escape the ‘pervert’ mark now. Sigh.

    104. Nil Zed: I honestly don’t know what to feel sadder for, your date’s future career or the movie you went to see. No, I really don’t know.

    107. Little Guy: nonetheless, you had the brain that did the association I would never have done. :)

    111. Ukuleke Ike: Okay, I guess I can retire the ‘pervert’ tag since I never actually looked at the varying lengths of a character’s skirt. :)

    112. Tabby: …a better page of WTF I had not seen in weeks.

    116 + Rhekarid = Bwa + ha^3

    Hmm, looking at the Archie strip, what I notice is the complementarity of Betty and Archie’s outfits. And it’s not often Betty will go for a full-black top that hides her attraits.

  122. Necktie Weasel
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Okay, have any of y’all ever read any of the 60′s Family Circus strips on the official site? That’s some pretty interesting stuff …. one of them running around in a clear raincoat with nothing underneath, Bil coming across as a drunken lout, and poor Thelma…

  123. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    84
    StarryNight
    Have you ever thought of writing for H&J?

    87
    Zamboni Rodeo
    Vote early
    And often.
    What are those links again?

  124. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    94
    Girl Reporter
    Let me nip this in the bud before you milk these udderances for all time. I will ruminate over the cream of the crop of your jokes and see if you can win the COW. That’s no bull, but a Grade A promise. I won’t go down Lactose Road with you but that does not mean I am intolerant.

  125. Tamex
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    I think that it is perfectly healthy and natural for a teenager to go on “solo dates”, but perhaps it’s better to keep that sort of activity to your bedroom or bathroom rather than the car.

  126. Biiirdmaaan!
    December 18th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    RE: Jeff Stahler’s cartoon in the Columbus Dispatch

    http://www.cagle.com/working/071217/stahler.gif

    GODDAMMIT, AMPHIBIANS ARE VERTEBRATES, YOU MORON.

  127. Benicillin
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    #124:

    Lfrtplghtplrp, your puns truly punish.

    I herd you were funny. And your posts are true cattlelysts that spark discussion. But what’s your beef with lactose intolerance? Or are you just trying to milk it for another pun?
    Your homogenized anger doesn’t make me cower.

  128. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    127
    Benicillin
    I am afraid you have been stampeded into believing Bulloney by a bum steer. My flank is covered by my friend Patty, who by the way does strip in N.Y., and she has the rare gift of being a medium.Many folks say “well done” after she has been grilled by them about their departed loved ones. She could tell you that it is not my intolerance which keeps me lactose free, I
    hoof to the beat of a distant drummer, and go my own Milky Way.

  129. Poteet
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    # 126 — Thank you, Biiirdmaaan. Someone needed to say that.

    And while we’re on the subject of accuracy, I want to belatedly complain about the 12/17 FC. I have a thing about A CHRISTMAS CAROL and have read it an embarrassing number of times, and the line uttered by Daddy Keane is NOT in it. Yuck.

  130. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Drudgereport has a new scandal.

  131. Wayne
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Huh. What people are describing as a “solo car date,” I would just call a “date.” Actually, the strip would work better if Summer were just trying to convince Les that she was old enough to “date.”

  132. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Poteet
    I have two siblings, while strange enough in other ways, prefer Great Expectations to any other Dickens. Whereas I posit that the best of what he wrote, was the shortest, A Christmas Carol

  133. Niall
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    129. Poteet: I immediately complained of that very thing. Shoehorning a lame, unfunny pun by changing the text is stupid.

  134. ltrftp Hedly
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    133
    Niall
    But doing it for a stupendous funny one is not so bad, right?

    Here is some nice music for you.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaXJxjgS6v4

  135. Rainbird
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Niall #133
    Are you saying that otherwise FC would be funny, if not for that?

    Heck, I suppose he could read the phone book and slip that line, and the kids would be happy.

    Were they just passing by while he read? Was it a little like classical music pumped outside so punk kids won’t hang out there?

  136. Red Greenback
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    ltrftp Hedly: You are the wing-t’s beneath my hassock. Keep em’ flying!

  137. Niall
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Heh, no; I had a two-part slam on that FC. Shoehorning is stupid, so it shouldn’t be done – as soon as it’s done, it’s not funny. On top of that, the pun itself was lame, so the whole cartoon was doubly bad. My grammar was open to misinterpretation indeed. No one here gets a free pass on that, least of all me. :)

  138. Big Sims
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Oh God, if I don’t get a free pass on grammar, I’m sunk! I’ll never post again!

  139. Big Sims
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m the Wing-T of posts. I confuse even Marty Moon.

  140. Buck Ripsnort
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    Having just seen No Country for Old Men, I finally understand that Solo Car Date is where Summer drives by herself to meet the drug-dealers out on the prairie. Hell, I don’t need Les to tell me this is a bad, bad idea

  141. Big Sims
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    I’d like a nice cuppa wing-tea, join me all!

  142. Buck Ripsnort
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Having just seen No Country for Old Men, I now know that Solo Car Date is where Summer drives by herself out to the prairie where the drug-deal is going down. Take protection, girl!

  143. Big Sims
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Sale on wing-tee’s at Old Navy. More wing-tees mule!

  144. Buck Ripsnort
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Damn double-post!
    Can I at least add that a Reunionite is a someone who re-joins a union?

    Howzabout “Moose looks more like Mouse down there”?
    Crap, wasn’t gonna get COTW anyway. . . .

  145. Big Sims
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    #144 Buck Ripsnort

    Howzabout “Moose looks more like Mouse down there”?

    and a Thung ain’t hung.

    Ditto on no COTW for Big Sims.

  146. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Hey, kids, do you know what time it is? It’s time to snark some more comics that don’t exist! Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do happen to be on heavy prescription pain medication right now. Why do you ask?

    BFD: If this is supposed to be the true meaning of Christmas, sign me up for Buddhism right now. Bartlet (or should I say Barflet), I know Sparky Schultz. I liked Sparky Schultz’ strip. You, sir, are no Sparky Schultz.

    CtC: Hey! You! Yeah, you, Mr. Bad Guy! You’ve got the spandex-clad heroine at your mercy. Aren’t you supposed to, y’know, tie her up? Just a bit? You got to! It’s a rule or something!

    Dr.Q: Rrrow! Sweaterkitten alert! Roxy’s guest shots are few and far between, but they’re always worth it. Now please, just let her leave the annoying nephew at home this time, pleeease?

    EoP: I knew there was a reason I used to like this strip. It didn’t used to have Angus in it. Why don’t they just rename the strip “Angus the Anus” and be done with it?

    GW: If it’s Tuesday, it must be a golf joke.

    FMAM: And here I thought I was heavily medicated. I want some of whatever he’s on.

    Littleton: Okay, when it turns out the package is just an alarm clock the dog ordered from TheBarkerImage.com or some such nonsense, don’t forget, I called it. You all are witnesses.

    R-M: Please, please, please, something HAPPEN in this strip. ANYTHING. You can even bring “The Lip” back. I won’t complain, honest.

    TF: I don’t get it. No, seriously, someone explain why this is even supposed to be funny. Is there a Christmas carol about a magic fish I’ve never heard? ‘Cause even if there is, that’s a long, long way to go for a pun.

    YOG(MD): Wow. What a revelation. Fat people eat a lot. My eyes have been opened. (And doesn’t this make 3 fat jokes in a row? This is lazy even for you, Gavin.)

  147. Freezair
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    Spectacular Spider-Brick, I am both confused and amused. I especially like the GW snark, because I get the reference (though I can’t believe I do…).

  148. Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    DT – Kudos to the writer for a witty rewording of my near-favorite line from classic Zippy, “I was making donuts, and now I’m on a bus!”

  149. Starrynight
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    #123- Heh, no. They probably don’t need my help…

  150. LTBF
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Foob…Anyone else find it odd she discussed the wine with a five year old? Why not just say “the drinks”?

    Also, notice she only mentioned the female half of the couple when talking about the desert (Ellie), the bread (her mother) and wine(Iris). No mention of John, her father or Jim.

    But both “Elizabeth and Anthony” are bringing salad. And why does every statement end in an exclamation point? Are they shouting at each iother?

  151. Benicillin
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    #128

    Lfrplprtplrp:

    Your defensiveness re veals that my dairy query into your intolerance was like a steak through your heart. Yet I applaud your individuality, it is quite…rare. It was good to hear that the constant grilling did not make your friend Patty melt. I have a similar German friend named Reuben, who can be quite a sour kraut. But his rye sense of humor enables him to withstand the pressure.

    (cough)

  152. Preehumous
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    I don’t mean to be mean here, but technically if it’s “solo” it’s not considered a “date”.

  153. Muffaroo
    December 18th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary’s lips say “No!” but her hand is giving the signal for “sic balls!” (Something about the way this is drawn makes me think that Mary thinks “walking the dog” is a yo-yo trick. Next she’ll do “cat’s cradle” and then “around the world.”)

  154. Plus a constant
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Does that narration really say, “Outside, they walk in silence, until . . . ”

    You don’t need to say that. That’s how dialogue WORKS.

  155. Dariaclone
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    “Solo Car Date”: I might be wrong here, but my mom went to Bob Jones for college and I do think I remember her referring two types of car dates: solo and chaperoned. I believe it wasn’t until she was a senior that she was allowed to go on a solo car date-prior to that all dates had to be chaperoned. But, what I am trying to say is: there may have been one place at one point in time that the phrase was used.

  156. Ribinin
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    Getting in a car alone with a boy was a big step. A solo car date is almost a single event like losing your virginity. After a couple of them it was going steady.

    It is the transition out of double dating in a car. If you weren’t raised in a small town in the 50′s it is a bit hard to explain. Even with double dates the girls met the boys somewhere at first.

    Riding on the back of the tractor while he plowed was fine, strangely enough.

  157. Cambiata
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    It’s not really a parody, but David Willis has a small cameo in his strip Shortpacked:

    http://www.shortpacked.com/d/20071219.html

  158. huntingbyrd
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    #153 Muffaroo
    Ha ha oh my god your right. but i would say she would be saying “Go chester tear that little shaky Chihuahuas bones into two!”Go go” While the Margo Clone chokes her little dog with the leash by holding it above her head.

  159. Lt. Puddin
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I’m intrigued by the look on Curtis’ brother’s face in the final panel. It looks like a blending of hatred and confusion, possibly resulting from the literal misinterpretation of snow as fecal matter produced by a mythical being. He’s probably wondering what bodily fluid rain is.

    FW: I don’t know who this chick is, but if she uses such anachronistic phrases as “solo car date,” not only is she old enough to go on one, she’s old enough to apply for AARP membership.

    Archie: Is Moose hoping to lure Archie’s honey near to him with the sheer magnetism of his artwork/bulging crotch, with the aim of ensnaring her in his muscular knees, like some sort of grotesque Venus fly trap? Because, if so, we’re about to see some Archie vs. Moose action, which I have been eagerly anticipating ever since I found out about Archie.

  160. rhymes with puck
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    Archie: It looks like Moose is practicing his ‘wide stance’ before his holiday flight to Minneapolis.

    RMMD: When Rex took Niki out fishing, we all knew that it would end with someone attempting to seduce Niki, but I sure didn’t expect it would go this way.

    MT: That’s not a small cigar, it’s a turd.

    MW: Chester isn’t trying to fight that other dog, he’s scaring him away to save him from the soulcrushing horror that is Mary Worth.

    Herb & Jamaal: Oh, man, you know when he bought that thing from that website? He got screwed!

  161. LTBF
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    When Les laughed at her for asking about the date, wouldn’t have made more sense for him to say “ho, Ho, Ho” instead of “Ha, Ha Ha.”?

  162. BigTed
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    At last, we see why the elder Pattersons really gave up their house so Mike and Deanna could have it. “Say, why don’t you host Christmas dinner this year, Deanna… you have the most space.” “Looks like the family reunion will be at your place, kids — you have the most space.” “In fact, let’s move every annoying, messy, work-intense gathering to your place. Because, as you know, you have the most space. Suckers!”

  163. Mibbitmaker
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m late to this little car date (mainly ’cause I didn’t realize that December 18 was the car date. It’s not April 23?), so…:

    TDIET: “Reunionite” means what the TV/movie writers are doing this long after 1988.

    FW: “I also forgot that you were faaarrr funnier back in the ’70s and ’80s!”
    “Hon’, how’d you like me to train my hallway machine gun on you next??”

    FOOB: Way to go, Dee! Family is soooo the real presents, and you’re getting nothing, Meredeth, which’ll just breed resentment on you, Dee, and the family that’s why she’s being denied… and all based on greed. THAT’s the way to raise a kid.

    A3G: “I don’t care if your parents were the Lockhorns (uh… they weren’t… were they?), you are marrying me until I degrade you into an early grave — and LIKE it! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a confrontation with an old biddy and a couple dogs waiting for me…”

    N-S: There’d be an institute, maybe a bipartisan-type think tank, where people will weigh the good and the bad of the various anti-terror policies since 9/11, and come up with a well-reasoned critique to protect our civil liberties while offering the most sensible defense against the enemy.

    Too bad Wiley wouldn’t go to such a place (to be fair, I couldn’t see Tinsley going there, either).

    GF: Satchel, be grateful he’s not a studio audience — and there’s a writers’ strike where studio audiences are. Or that it’s not January, when the late-night talk shows go back, as will their studio audiences. Uh….. where was I going with this…?

  164. Car Sailsman
    December 18th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Is Betty wearing a black plastic top that her right boob would reflect the light like that in panel one?

    Also, it’s nice to see that Archie has decided to break out the “plain white shirt underneath a plain white sweater” look thats so stylish right now.

  165. bats :[
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    A few Hump Day observations:

    FC: it isn’t “apple polisher,” Billy…it’s “brown noser.”

    FW: creepier and creepier.

    MW: …aaaaaaaaaaand….Mary’s down for the count! Did she break a hip? Will someone find her passed out on the sidewalk and take her home, nursing her back to health? And what of Chester? And Percy?

    RMMD: come on, Niki…just punch Lee in the arm and end this stupid conversation.

    FOOB: oh, what a clever* fellow Michael is…what a wordsmith! Too bad that doesn’t translate to the printed page when he discovers “Stone Season” has been remaindered to Big Lots! and the local dollar store…

    *asshole

  166. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    I wanted to get to sleep early, but piemaking took longer than expected…

    Wednesday My Cage: The crime is committed! No Cassandra in sight. Instead we have Norm in a flap-eared hat. Hmm, if I were to snark (and why else would I be here?) I’d say that the pacing is a tiny bit slow all week. Very good first two panels, and slightly weak third panels where only half what I would expect/hope for happens. This may fix itself as the plot thickens. I already know what to expect for Thursday’s strip and who arrives for the investigation. :) This should be amusing…

  167. Pester
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Looks like Josh called it. http://www.shortpacked.com/

  168. Uncle Lumpy
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    It’s a sad day in The Phantom — in despair, Devil turns to huffing.

  169. Buck Ripsnort
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Wed MW- Apparently, biddies will stay around until the last dog is hung. Seriously, that’s not why they call ‘em “choke chains”.

  170. mollificent
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Ah, yes, the solo car date. I remember it well…my prom, that is (first s.c.d. of note). I went with a lovely and sweet young man who later turned out to be gay. My first clue might have been that he MADE HIS OWN TUXEDO.

    Out of velveteen.

    No, I’m not kidding.

    (This has been Yet Another Depressing Installment in Molly’s Dating Fiasco Series. Stay tuned…)

  171. Godzooky
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    MW: BWA-HA-HA-HA! I’m in tears.

    S-M: As if Peter needs an excuse to spend the day porn web surfing.

    Zits: Pierce’s version of “Worthitudes.”

  172. mdjacque
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    I finally figured out what truly unnerves me about Archie in the newspaper: frequently, a character is drawn with three lips. Take a look at ol’ Arch in panel two.

  173. Poteet
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    # 132 & # 133 — Thank you, Itrftp and Niall. I should have known that Charles D. would have defenders here, and thanks Niall, for defending him so quickly.

  174. Gold-Digging Nanny
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny

    Tuesday SFx — and before we start, I just want to say that that’s probably an octopus, but I’m calling it a squid in honor of Squid Countess.

    1) In the upper left corner of the left panel, we have a pelican scooping up a fish. In the right panel, it’s a crane fighting a starfish. The starfish is winning.
    2) This entire incident violates the terms of parole for the squid on the left, who is on the sex offender registry.
    3) The squid on the right will turn on his fishy friends when they don’t cough up his share of the worms.
    4) Robinmouse Crusoe on the left, after having reached land and been shipwrecked on an island for quite some time, will save another mouse from a group of cannibal mice. He will name the mouse after the day on which he saved him: Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2007. Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2007 will serve Robinmouse until he effects his escape from the island.
    5) The bucket on the right was manufactured by the same company that made Mary Poppins’ bottomless handbag. No need to worry about the fish being cruelly crammed into such a tiny area. Please address your letters to the panel on the left.
    6) The man on the left has a swastika tattoo obscured by one of the squid’s tentacles.

    This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny was brought to you by Bass Pro Shops.

  175. Mr. O'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    132,133,173 I prefer “Sketches by Boz”.

  176. Poteet
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    DT — And so our merry Halloween tale finally reaches its inevitable violent insane conclusion, a conclusion that wouldn’t make sense even after a dozen of Elvira’s special brownies. I’m hoping Locher will skip Christmas.

  177. Joe Btfsplk
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    #33 Tweeks_Coffee – Or a Chrysler Imperial Star Destroyer.

    Archie – I don’t know crotch. But I know what I like.

    TDIET – Is “reunionite” a word, you all ask? It is… now.

    Mary Worth – Dog-fighting, Mary Worth style: Get two eensy beensy little dogs. Hoist them into the air by their leashes and swing them at each other like wrecking balls. Whichever dog ends up wearing the other dog is the winner.

  178. Cheese-n-Pear
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is the synchronization of Eric’s head-bobble to Margo’s finger-waggle supposed to be a sign of their compatibility, or is it some weird power Margo has just developed?

    S-M: Now that he’s getting paid for it, Spiderman reaches new heights of not even trying any more!

  179. Mr. O'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    In this FC you could almost forget that the dialog is in two places. Then it would be like those old cartoons where the cartoonist adds a comment as a title. Like this. You can see more of these titles here, although these examples don’t use word balloons.

    I couldn’t find a good example on-line with both.

  180. Mr. O'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    179. I forgot about this–there’s one modern cartoon that uses titles in the way I was talking about–Zippy.

    But some of the older cartoons had much longer titles, just like FC.

  181. Mr. O'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    So here’s a interesting thing. I discovered that if you go to the Houston Chronicle and change the date in the title, you can see tomorrow’s comics before midnight Texas time. But apparently you have to go from their page, you can’t just link to them as I did. Strange. Only works for the right side of the page (the color comics).

    Those links should be working in another 15 minutes.

  182. Mr. O\'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    The date in the LINK. I typed “title” too many times already.

  183. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Hey all,

    Since the Slylock storyline was in part a tip of the hat to the site, I’m letting my presence here be slightly know a little more than normal.

    Apologies to anyone who feels I have as much place here as Vanilla Ice did when John Stewart, Dennis Leary and friends retired ‘Ice, Ice, Baby’ from MTV a few years ago.

    Tweeks_Coffee
    “Are Ed and Melissa going to be getting letters wondering what the heck is up with this random character that doesn’t talk? I mean, I imagine a lot of people that read MC don’t read SFx it being a “kid’s strip” and all. Just curiosity, I suppose.”

    We have gotten one response from a fan to that effect. I suppose there will be others. In fact, someone added Cassandra to our cast list on our Wikipedia page (which I’m proud to say neither Melissa nor I, nor anyone we know or are related put up).

    But, I figure a liitle confusion for one week isn’t the end of the world, and it will be spelled out in Sunday’s strip. Plus, hard-core comic strip fans will get it. That’s my plan:

    1. Get the attention of hard-core comic fans.
    2. They get the attention of posers.
    3. Posers bring the strip to the attention of the mass audience.
    4. Hard-core comic fans stop reading us and tell people they liked the strip “before it sold out”.

    :D

    Of course, fate’s plan my be ‘do the strip until it’s cancelled’ but I can’t really control that. ;)

    ohyes:
    “I hope Sly Fox himself stops in at My Cage and discovers Maureen Fox and the sweet mysteries of life.”

    Kinda/sorta. See Sunday’s strip.

    Sully
    “as lame and gag-reflexing as FBOW is, it has a loyal following built over decades. My Cage is frankly lame, as is Tina’s Groove, Retail, and any number of other so-called funnies that have popped up lately. There is nothing to warm up to in any of those strips. There is no depth, nothing to embrace, even on a saccarine level. Plus, any strip that doesn’t use hand lettering looks mechanical and lacks feeling. Type-set voice bubbles blow. They look amateurish.”

    MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

    I love being complained about here. It makes me feel like I’ve made it! >:D

    Bob Weber Jr.
    “To the My Cage team of Ed and Melissa — I am totally flattered! Terrific writing as usual, Ed! And Melissa, Cassandra Cat never looked better!”

    Thanks sir. I’m blushing. I’ll even blush for Melissa too.

    Thanks for letting us use your characters. BB said in an e-mail today “everyone loves” the x-over. I guess that means they got some feedback.

    Frenzy Lohan
    “I mean no cruelty to the faithful-reader writer of My Cage”

    I wouldn’t think you did. Snarking is fun.

    “I don’t know the context of that strip, but, what? Cassandra cat based squeeing aside, let’s break this down:

    Office Guy 1: “I have just hired an attractive female!”
    Office Guy 2: “I automatically assume that this attractive female is unqualified for the position!”
    Office Guy 1: “You’re correct! Of course the attractive female is unqualified for the position! But she is very attractive!”

    Hottest joke of 1947!”

    Like queek said in a response, the idea is Max is a letch. Norm assumes Max hires a girl just because she’s hot and not because hot girls are dumb.

    Maureen Fox is the strip’s hot girl and she’s probably the smartes one in the strip. She’s their computer programmer. She’ also a single mom trying to date again instead of just an object of fantasy.

    As for Max, he got married young and is now sowing his wild oates. On the surface he’s trying to be a ‘party animal’, but underneath he’s trying to derail Norm’s morality to feel better about what hes’ doing.

    But still, if you didn’t like it, you didn’t like it. I can understand that.

    “We spend a lot of time complaining about legacy strips, but if new strips are just going to rehash the same tired premises, then what’s the point?”

    Truthfully? And I mean no cruelty either, I think the point of a comic strip is to enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy one, then just don’t read it. (And, yes, I know how ironic that is to say that here. :) )

    Cafangdra
    “Gasp! I didn’t know the “My Cage” guy read the ‘mudge.”

    Yep. for a few years now. I’m even mentioned on the Wikipedia page. What result this will have if the strip lasts the 3 years it takes to get in the NCS and I get to meet my fellow cartoonist? Only time will tell. :)

    Niall
    “I still occasionally remark that I wonder what Bridget sees in Norm”

    And I’ve greatly apprecaiated those comments. I consider them some of my most helpful feedback.

    “(though we’ve been assured this will be explored soon – presumably once it can reach a number of new markets).”

    Well, sorta. You’ll never see norm as Mr. Wonderful, because he isn’t. Instead you’ll hopefully see that Bridget isn’t perfect either, and if we last long enough to introduce her family, the patterns an failings that cause her to be attracted to Norm.

    He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    “Speaking of Cassandra, I notice in My Cage she’s dutifully answering the phone.”

    Actually, I like to think she’s just making a personal call. Maybe to her cosuin. :)

    Godzooky
    “At the risk of being condemned for heresy, doesn’t Maureen look hotter than Cassandra in today’s strip?”

    If so, it’s probably just becasue Maureen has the home court advantage.

    Niall (again)
    “No Cassandra in sight. Instead we have Norm in a flap-eared hat.”

    So what? Norm in ear-falps isn’t “sexy”?

    Later!
    -Ed

  184. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: That’s a “blow job” reference, innit? I for one am sickened…

  185. Trotzenbonnie
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    PLUGGERS – Holy crap! I think I just figured out why they’re called ‘pluggers’! And I’ll bet in a parallel universe this strip is called ‘Plungers’.
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/12/19&name=Pluggers

    FUNKY WINKERBEAN – God bless America, Les! If you are so nervous about your daughter going out with boys just do what my father did, for crying out loud – take Summer’s solo car date out to the garage and show him your gun collection. And make sure you aim the barrel at his crotch while you point out the ported compensator on the muzzle of your S&W .500 Revolver. Unless, of course, you WANT to be in the back seat while some pimply-faced testosterone-infested kid tries to …. ugh.

    BEETLE BAILEY – Now that’s taking foreplay just a little too literally.

    Warning: Warm eggnog will not put you to sleep. But it does taste better with bacon bits on top instead of nutmeg.

  186. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Foob, third panel: “slap slap slap”

  187. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    I meant the yesterfoob…

  188. Lynngineering
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Dee inherited Elly’s kitchen and some kind of Christmas dinner poltergeist, so that now her already instinctual need to serve and satisfy is ramped up, to the point she’s so excited about the fabulousity of so many family guests just bringing essentially pot luck for themselves to eat? “Idiot” has “Id” in front Dee, as in, try to keep yours in balance with some ego. I mean today the strip focuses on her excitement about Anthony coming?!? to the point it contains not one but two bad wordplays (as if Mike and Dee are in some competition to top each other) “sign” and “significant”… Yes, Dee, Anthony is the Pattersonian equivalent to the Second Coming… But in that case, Michael should be rather peeved about losing his annointed role. Yet he seems to care nothing about the surprising amount of interest you’re showing in his sister’s man. Dee, a hint – maybe it’s that whole your “family is being put up with rather than being put down” thing he smirks away on?
    Anyway, at least the strip telegraphed where the sparks are going to fly at this last supper. Dee’s mother should be good to go after the extra glass of cooking wine Elly brought along.

    Archie: Moose is blatantly selling the school football team’s secret playbook and no one in Riverdale noticed anything because they were busy staring at his crotch? Yeah, that sounds like high school.

    Apt3G: The….Waltons?? That should be the last tip that Margo is pure outer-space alien, obviously working her disguised human form by way of a 1970s users manual.

  189. Solocardate (nee Non Compost Mentos)
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    Yes, yes, I’m just as excited as everyone else about Cassandra’s felonious visit to My Cage…but please, attention must be paid: Norm’s “Holy sheep!” is also full of win. It’s right up there with Dick Tracy’s “When the seat hits the fan.”

  190. The Avocado Avenger
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Did anyone *not* laugh at this? Percy getting so tangled up he’s tied to Chester is COMEDY GOLD. Coupled with Mary’s hideously deformed expression and Jazz Hands of Surprise, this is almost “Far Side” levels of genius.

    Sally Forth: The drunken office party trope is awfully stale. However, I know someone earlier said that office parties no longer feature alcohol, and I can say that isn’t true: about 4 years ago I went to my husband’s office party, which was held at a bar. I had a Bud Light and everyone freaked out. Apparently, my office persona is quite different from my real life persona. I’m a female Peter Parker. ‘Struth.

    Garfield: I confess that I laughed at this, somewhat bitterly, as I’ve had to take my cats’ temperature. You can’t use an oral thermometer on a cat. Now you see why it’s so funny.

    My Cage: OMG who stole the money?!

    Peanuts: I am loving this rerun series about The Mad Punter.

  191. Mr. O'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    MW: A dog fight between a tiny dog named Percy and a dog named Chester that varies between tiny and smallish. And Percy gets lashed to Chester like Capt. Ahab to Moby Dick. Life on the street in Santa Royale.

    Time was in the comics that even a little kid like Buster Brown would have a pit bull. And it would have a good honest name like Tige.

    Actually I’m surprised that these women are actually walking their dogs. It seems to be the fashion now to have a tiny dog and carry it around.

    I like Mary’s impression of Charlie Brown, though.

  192. Mr. O'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    Here’s a way to stop dogfights.

  193. Mr. O\'Malley
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    Newspaper lore from yesteryear:

    “Reading your article on The Sun’s anniversary brought back a memory from 1969 when I was a young office girl,” writes a wistful Karen, of Pyrmont. “I used to buy the rival afternoon Mirror to read on the train on the way home and the vendor, a wonderful elderly gentleman who took obvious pride in his work, would give a flick of his hand to fold the paper in half, then with one upward sweep tuck it neatly under your arm. One afternoon I decided on a change of paper, and said, ‘I’ll have a Sun, please,’ whereupon he bowed from the waist and replied, ‘Miss, it would be my pleasure!’ ”

    “Your news vendor article reminded me of Bill, my late dad,” writes Barry Arnold of Epping, “who sold newspapers on the corner of King and Pitt streets for a long period during the 1950s to ’80s. He could deftly do the ‘fold and tuck under the arm trick’ with the newspaper, but he did it by listening to the direction of the customers’ voices, as he was totally blind.”

    (Sydney Morning Herald)

  194. Frank Parsnip
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    Ed Cage: re: Cassandra’s stint on the phone — well, she simply has to accept her cousin’s one call. The theft in Mycagelandia? My guess is that it’s the bail money needed for the cousin, but I am sure that you will make everything clear in time. Unlike Batiuk, we’ll know in less than 20 years and without numerous cancer deaths.

    DtM: Just got back from London and saw all sorts of DtM publications featuring all sorts of actual mayhem with the UK version bearing the name.

    Check out en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_the_Menace_(UK) . The obvious question is not which is truly older (the American’s first publication date is only 3 days earlier than the Brit’s*) but which one has the goods. The American has never been much more than an annoyance. For example, the American’s dog is “Ruff”, the UK version’s is “Gnasher”. Which one do you think has more bite than bark?

    *March 12, 1951 versus March 15, 1951.

    MW: Just like in Coleridge’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Mary’s dog is now going to have to wear that chihuahua strapped around its neck forever. Coleridge took a lot of drugs, I think.

    Mark Trail: Let’s see, who smokes cigars around here… let’s check out a couple of variables here:

    If, as has been postulated, all this action involving Doughboy Steve is taking place in 1916, if Mark Trail goes into the trading post and asks people who smokes cigars, pretty much every hand that doesn’t have a beer in it will go up. Excepting of course the pair of uniformed Jack Tars smoking fags while they talk about how they plan to kick the Kaiser’s fanny.

    If this case is taking place in the present day, then if Mark Trail goes in and asks the question, he’ll get a similar response. This trading post is a place built around guys being guys far away from home. He might just as well ask how many drink beer, how many have chosen not to shave today, how many have taken pleasure in belching and farting among their friends today, and how many plan to take a visit over to “short time Sally’s” cabin down the way. So keeping in mind that Canada is a haven for sampling forbidden Cuban cigars to many Americans, the area around the lake is likely littered with thousands of cigar butts.

    A3G: Eric, your instincts are not letting you down. Start running now, before the margociloraptrix gets her claws into you.

  195. Charlene
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    38 – that’s not a mullet, that’s the Dorothy Hamill Wedge. Apparently we’ll all be back in 1976 ten years in the future.

    Although I like that hairstyle

  196. Lord-z
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    Al, *looks skyward*, the word is “reunite”, not “reunionite”.

  197. Lord-z
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:13 am [Reply]

    I had nearly forgot. Has the publishers mentioned anything about TDIET’s future?

  198. True Fable
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    MC Ed, it is my sincerest fanboy hope that a certain Bartender shows up to bail Cassandra out before a familiar looking detective throws her in the slammer!
    That would be so ultimate, I cannot describe it.
    A3G Don’t think you’re going to weasel out of this, Eric ol’ boy. You should have run while you had the chance.
    Archie A joke about Archie’s wafflehead! Not bad for a jokebot.
    BB This reminds me of the “Jenny Baez” scene in Forrest Gump, only Miss Buxley still has on her clothes.
    FC Don’t you want to bet Bil and Jeff were just ACHING to use the phrase “kiss-ass”?
    FBoFW Mike Patterson dreams of putting his in-laws to sleep permanently. I always suspected him of patracide-in-law.
    And Dee… do you pronounce it SIGN-iffy-cant? I wouldn’t put it past you. Dumbass.
    FW Les insists on getting off when he goes with Lisa on her first date. EWW.
    H&L The Land of the Miserable Marriages increases its territory.
    JP The new stud muffin is coming to take over from the old stud muffin. Big deal. Where’s Cedric. Where’s Abbey. Where’s RUSTY, dammit?
    Luann Aw, this is just too precious. And is that Angstony Caine in panel one doing a guest spot crossover? Nooooo!
    MT Meanwhile, inside the trading post that looks like a ginormous moose…
    MW Christmas came early today, as Mary Worth kneels down and says “Aaugh!” with the most hilariously distressed look on her face yet. Thank you, Karen and Joe!
    MG&G Don’t tase me, ‘ho.
    RMMD Aw, you’re just jealous because Rex never missed a shave either, Scruffy McBeatnik.

  199. gleeb
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Archie: “My cross-hatching! My beautiful cross-hatching!”

    Better Half: Solo car date, indeed.

    ‘shaft: Ah, youth. Before Ed Crankshaft completely destroyed all hope of her knowing joy.

    Dick: Here’s a bit of a switch. The hostage gets thrown off the roof.

    Diesel Sweeties: Wow! Advertising is about defining problem so as to sell products! What an insight! Seriously, the “art” in this comic stinks on ice, and the writing isn’t any better.

    FBoFW: We all know what you’re doing, Johnston. So stop it.

    ‘bean: Yep, Les is asking his daughter out on a date with the phrase “I have to come too.” Nothing healthy about that.

    Parker: Next: a close-up look down Sam’s ear canal!

    PBS: No dialect writing. Isn’t this better than all the “zeeba dis, zeeba dat” stuff?

    Rex: Not missing meals makes one a square? I would have said round.

    Zippy: Is this how you write, Griffy? Listen with half an ear to NPR, pick a name, and make up an inane scenario? At least the art’s better than Diesel Sweeties.

  200. John C Fremont
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    A3G – Hey, yesterday I commented that Eric was not running for his life. Today, well, I’m having a Criswell moment! From now on, I will use my prognosticatin’ powers for the good of mankind – for with great power comes great, uh, stuff or something.

  201. Timothy Burke
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Somebody already mentioned it, but FW has a limitless defense against this kind of snarking. We don’t say “solo car date” now, but we are doomed to say it in the future, apparently. Perhaps because of this FW strip altering our present. FW is like an endless violation of the time-space continuum and if we’re lucky, the Time Patrol will soon find a way to make it stop.

  202. Gagott68
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    GT: Yup, the running game is working. Valley Tech has no idea how to stop it. Let’s start throwing the ball instead. It’s not like our horrific Chicago Bear-like passing attack is the exact reason why we went to the Wing-T in the first place.

    MT: If the Trading Post is the big marketplace for Lost Forest, why doesn’t the proprietor know Mark Trail by name?

    BB: I don’t think Lt. Fuzz meant “play the guitar” when he asked Miss Buxley to “warm up” the General.

    S-M: Nothing happening here. Per usual.

    Luann: WTF?!?!?

  203. Gagott68
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    GT: Yup, the running game is working. Valley Tech has no idea how to stop it. Let’s start throwing the ball instead. It’s not like our horrific Chicago Bear-like passing attack is the exact reason why we went to the Wing-T in the first place.

    MT: If the Trading Post is the big marketplace for Lost Forest, why doesn’t the proprietor know Mark Trail by name?

    BB: I don’t think Lt. Fuzz meant “play the guitar” when he asked Miss Buxley to “warm up” the General.

    S-M: Nothing happening here. Per usual.

    Luann: WTF?!?!?

  204. Calico
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Well, let’s start the morning with this little gem:

    http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/19/spears.sister.ap/index.html

    Deanna Patterfoob must be her pharmacist.

  205. Calico
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    More Solo Car Dates, Mule!

  206. Teddy Bear
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    More Viv Stanshall, mules!

  207. Inspector Dim
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    I have an idea for Valley Tech: try wearing uniforms that are in some way different from the opposing team’s. That makes figuring out who has the ball a lot easier.

  208. John C Fremont
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    # 201 – Better get Van Damme on that right away.

  209. Inspector Dim
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Popeye: There’s going to be bits of Thung everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I absolutely love how Popeye and Olive have actually destroyed the world, first by covering it with Thungs, and now, presumably, by blowing them all up with spincoal. It’s so wonderfully insane.

  210. Stan
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    71.
    “Carload toes”? Could this solo car date get any naughtier? And “Coasted Oral”? Just put it in neutral…

  211. Inspector Dim
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    God damn it, Garfield was funny again today. This can’t keep happening!!! What’s next, Judge Parker plots that I can follow? A well-drawn Crock? A Momma that isn’t soul-crushing in some way? Miss Buxley on Thursdays? I can’t take it!

  212. Weaselboy
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: Yes, the very best way to move the plot along in an action strip is to have the hero research criminal activity on line. This shouldn’t take too long, as Peter has the proportional nerdiness of a spider.

  213. Inspector Dim
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    #212: More information on the evil doings of Simon Krandis can be found on the internet. Which is great, because now Peter doesn’t even have to go outside!

  214. nerowolfgal
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MW So……in Mary’s world, having your tiny dog tangle leashes with a even tinier dog rate as an Adventure?

    MT I am a proud Canadian born and bred, and I have NEVER seen a trading post anywhere in my travels across the country. Does Mark have a time travel portal he uses every time he goes to Lost Forest? Is that the reason for the name?

  215. Mibbitmaker
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MW: From soap opera to slapstick comedy is a huge step in the right direction. Keep it up. Best wacky physical comedy since Aldo went off the cliff!

    FOOB: We shouldn’t have to keep putting up with Liz’s relatives.

    FC: Everyone but Dolly is thinking, in unison, “Smug little shit.”

    S-M: Petey: “Okay… Google this one, aaaand….. Wait, what’s this? ….’Comics… Curmudgeon’….?” (silent penultimate panel) “…Something tells me I shouldn’t go to that one!” (clicks on another link…)

    A3G: Because he’s an idiot, Margo.

    GT: Counters, sweeps and traps-oh my! Counters, sweeps and traps-oh my! Counters, sweeps and traps-oh my! Counters, sweeps and traps-oh my! Counters, sweeps, and traps-oh my!….

    N-S: I’m sure right-wing cartoonists are ready to believe a possible new Clinton administration would jail for sedition anyone watching or listening to conservative smear-mongering ideologues, Wiley. The paranoia parade cuts both ways, I’m afraid.

    Rw/O: That just blew Monty Python’s mind!

  216. man behind the curtain
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FBOW — Need we remind Deanna that the Patterfoobs have known Blandthony much longer than they’ve known her. And by accepting Deanna, they didn’t exactly set the bar too high.

    LuAnn — let me know when someone associated with this fire department does something like put out a fire or provide emergency aid to an accident victim. So far they seem to collect food, play Santa, and rescue cats and adults in trees. Good work if you can find it.

  217. Chyron HR
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – In tomorrow’s strip, Peter drops a bombshell–”Big news, J.J.! I heard Simon Krandis likes Mudkips!”

  218. JamesinMaine
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    A: Percy! Aaugh! Oh! Percy! Aaugh! Oh! Percy! Aaugh! Oh!
    Q: What are the highlights of the secret audio tapes of Percy, Doctor of Sweet Sweet Love?

    A: I hope someone knows who smokes cigars around here.
    Q: What will I be saying all day long?

  219. Bathless Groggins
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Moose paints what he knows, and he knows that there are more than 3 players on a football team, despite what Gil Thorp would have us believe. Probably 9 or 10, depending on whether you’re on offense or defense.

  220. John C Fremont
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MT – I should’ve known that William Bendix was somehow involved in all this.

    MW – In a move that flies defiantly in the face of logic, New Lady is purposely swinging li’l Percy directly toward Chester like that Kreskin pendulum I had as a kid. Great Mr. Caesar’s Ghost, the situation in that last panel could have been avoided by, oh, I don’t know, NOT swinging li’l Percy toward another dog. But then we would have been deprived of seeing Percy & Chester’s tribute to The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant. Or maybe that one with Rosey Grier.

    RMMD – I’m sure it’s been explained, but why, again, does the bespectacled guy want Niki to have the money?

    FW – Aside from this site, a Google search for “solo car date” took me to a story about Brenda Lee’s first one from 1963 and a story about a couple that saw The Graduate on their first one. So Batiuk’s 10 year leap went from the 50′s to the 60′s I guess. Oh, and Eww!!

    JP – Steve Shannon. A man barely alive. “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. Then he can work here… with you.” (I think I was going somewhere with this, but I’m so distracted by Sam’s scary close-up in the last panel. He looks like one of those Paris street punks.)

  221. ohyes
    December 19th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    SFx: Answer one is incorrect, because the person who teaches the dance steps is not necessarily the person who created the dance. The choreographer teaches only when the dance is new, or to tighten it up. The instructor is the “dance captain,” except I think there’s a higher title like “dance coordinator” and the dance captain – a dancer – only fills in at rehearsals or teaching newcomers when the dance coordinator or whoever is unavailable. The choreographer is not even in the rehearsal hall at the time.

    This is why I’m really smarter than my SAT scores indicated – the test was wrong – and how I keep making excuses for Cassandra Cat, despite everything. Cassandra, come back, all is forgiven… And I’d like to meet your new friend, Maureen…

  222. bocksbeutel
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Moose maybe not know football all that well either? The one diagram that we can see in its entirety has only 9 Os and 10 Xs.

  223. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Are you supposed to wet your hands before you handle brownies on a solo car date?

  224. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    A3G: I would comment on Margo’s general attitude here, but it’s par for the course. I’m more curious about that apparent partial hairnet the lady in the first panel seems to be wearing.
    Archie: I don’t think I can handle Archie going meta. How long has Jughead been standing outside, anyway?
    Blondie: Dagwood’s an asshole, plain and simple. It isn’t the mailman’s fault you get bills, now tip the poor guy. (Though actually mail carriers aren’t allowed to accept monetary gifts, so get him something else.)
    FC: “Apple polisher”? I’m familiar with the term, but I’ve never heard anyone under the age of 50 actually use it. The tiny, off-center wreath certainly is intriguing, though.
    FOOB: Really? I’d certainly hope that if I brought my boyfriend to the family party this year than people wouldn’t think that I was just a shade short of marrying the guy. I can’t be the only person that thinks that the holidays should be, you know, fun.
    FW: In her excitement, Summer automatically produces inky black lipstick. Must be a future thing, lipstick implants.
    Garfield: Not the funniest thing ever, but still amusing. If I was concerned enough I’d go back through the archives and see if the signatures have changed at all recently.
    Hateeachothers: Okay, this one got a snicker out of me.
    MT: Mark’s talking boat is no surprise, it also explains a lot about the eye hook ordeal. The jovial fat man behind the counter is a nice image, though.
    MW: Is… is Mary floating in mid-air!? And how on Earth did that woman change skirts so fast? Seeing Percy the rat lashed to Chester’s side is one of the best images in the comics I’ve ever seen. I love how Chester than ignores the creature attached to his side and barks at the woman. Or possibly her magical skirt, that’d weird me out too.
    MC: Heheh, I like Norm’s hat. I have one like it myself, though it’s not coordinated to my jacket.
    PBS: Dual Saturns today.
    Phantom: No one knows what happened to little Tendai, but after he returned, Devil didn’t eat for days.
    Pluggers: This one made me a little sick.
    Ziggy: Things to be thankful #153: Ziggy seems to have changed into a full-length smock instead of his normal shirt before presenting his ass to us.

  225. AhClem
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    FW – Les, old buddy, here’s some advice from another parent of a teenaged girl. When the guy comes to pick her up, take him aside, put your arm around his shoulder, and quietly say, “If you do anything to harm my daughter, I will harm you. I have no problem going back to prison.

  226. Keg of Curd
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    BB, Panel 3: “OK, then put down that silly guitar and get your ass over here.”

  227. Lord-z
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    211 – Garfield is like that, sometimes. Months of lame, and, out of nowhere, a short stretch of funny, though this is an unusually long stretch. A week now. Usually, we are treated to two or three days.

    I don’t know who got the job of making Garfield, but I hope that they are going to stay for a while.

  228. Godzooky
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    #215 Mibbitmaker re: N-S: Considering Olbermann’s and Miller’s opinionating isn’t really the same as actual smear-mongering, your proposed equivalence might not be so equivalent, after all.

  229. Keg of Curd
    December 19th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Is the security guard in My Cage a pig? Naughty.

  230. dimestore lipstick
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Tabby–I’d seen the original, didn’t know there was a new one for this year. Thanks for the link!

    And Archie readers (because there can’t be any actual fans)–here’s a comics-related page I found while wandering around over there–disturbing much?
    http://www.goingjesus.com/stations/6.shtml

  231. Timothy Burke
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Today’s FW, by the way. I’d like to think that even if I had never read this site, today’s strip would jump out at me for the wildly inappropriate image it conjures in its last panel.

  232. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    #170 (mollificent) …he MADE HIS OWN TUXEDO. Out of velveteen.

    That cheese stuff? Wow.

  233. Vakar
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: Let Eric serve as a warning to us all. Always trust your instincts!

  234. Calico
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    #220 – JP – Sam is either Bionic himself, or made of wood. I haven’t figured out which yet.

    MW – The Dumb Doggie Death Duel!
    How did they manage to get all wrapped up like a friggin’ Maypole?

    Mary will have to resort to using her bare hands and claws to deal with Angry Woman now. Or buy a .38 Special for her purse.

  235. Calico
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    #230 – this one is a creepy classic.
    Heap big politically incorrect statements!

  236. Anonymous
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Apparently neither Mary nor her the other woman wants to (eeew!) touch her dog, or grab its collar, so they’re just going to have to fight to the death.

  237. C. Havoc
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    I’m still trying to figure out how Brad & Toni doled out the two measly meals they brought to the homeless shelter. Did they just toss them into a room full of indigents and let them shiv it out? Or did they eat the meals at the shelter themselves, in smug satisfaction that they were letting the bums live vicariously?

  238. Jim
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    FW: Les – “I have to come too. I want to make sure you don’t have a good time. Because I’ve been chronically depressed ever since your mother died, and if I have to go through the rest of my life in overwhelming misery, then so do you.”

  239. C. Havoc
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    I did a search of the entire works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and never once found the phrase, “I hope someone knows who smokes cigars around here.”

  240. sangwij
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MW: I hadn’t thought of it until someone mentioned it, but the tangled dogs and the “aaugh” do carry ehoes of Charlie Brown and the kite-eating tree.

  241. Ukulele Ike
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Luanne: Speaking of hemlines, doesn’t Toni realize that a proper Santa’s Little Helper uniform features a fur-trimmed, crotch-skimming microskirt? Get this girl back to Costuming, posthaste.

  242. C. Havoc
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    WHERE’S the GUN, Nikky? For the past three days, scruffy has been waving around an empty hand. Grab the FREAKING GUN ALREADY! What kind of Street Kid are you?

  243. JamesinMaine
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    An imposing picture of Sherlock Holmes with the Mark Trail cigar line underneath would make a fine t-shirt.

  244. C. Havoc
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    BTW, Sophie would have grabbed the gun by now.

  245. T. Chicana
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Foob: Dee is showing a big “sign” of C-C-C-CA-RAZY. When people start seeing things as special signs/symbols to them and them only, from celebrities, outer space, i.e. “Carl Sagan is sending me messages through the radio”…they are really going over the edge.
    Of course, Michael pays no attention…he moves right along to a weak pun against his mother-in-law. I can’t wait until Mira puts the smack down on his ass, just like she always does.

  246. C. Havoc
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    JamesinMaine: Bravo. I was trying to think of a clever way to ask for that line on a T-Shirt. You nailed it, Dammit.

  247. Joe
    December 19th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh, great. Here we go. Dopethany’s Christmas marriage proposal!

    Damn you Lynn. God-Damn you to Hell.

  248. Stan
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Ohhh,
    Check out today’s Shortpacked. Don’t forget to spit on Ted!

  249. smacky
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    MW: All the best dressed dogs will be wearing Chihuahua this Christmas!

  250. Alt Dilog
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    RMMD SCRUFFY GUY: I bet he never missed a meal in his life.
    NIKI: Yes. And he never missed taking his vitamins, either.
    SCRUFFY GUY: I bet he never goes to bed without using mouthwash.
    NIKI: Yes. And he always remembers to use deoderant. Hey, I like this game. Let’s do another one.
    SCRUFFY GUY: Shut up. Just take the money
    NIKI: And one more thing. He always carries a set of nailclippers with him.
    SCRUFFY GUY: Just take the money.

    JUDGE PARKER:This guy could run for Congress with his record. Look! He’s been picked up in a men’s restroom for tapping a guy’s foot in the next stall.

    He doesn’t want to run for Congress. He wants to come here, and share a restroom with you.

  251. Elmo Sweeney
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Today’s battle of the football-impaired pits Marty, a longtime high school announcer who doesn’t recognize the triple option, and Moose, whose play charts have nine offensive players pitted against ten defenders. Loser: both of them, and all their readers.

  252. T. Chicana
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Foobs: Why is Dee acting like this is some big milestone for Lizard & Granthony? Are you meaning to tell me that Liz is still pulling that “we’re just really good friends” shit? Are you kidding me?! I just want to punch Liz in her coy, stupid face.

  253. Anonymous
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    The Avocado Avenger–
    “I’m a female Peter Parker. ‘Struth.”

    Interesting, because I thought Peter Parker was a male Peg Bundy (sit on couch, watch TV, whine and bitch…)

  254. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Run for Congress?!

    Why, that’s just a cruel, cruel joke right there.

  255. UncleJeff
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    #225 AH CLEM – New single by country music recording artist Rodney Atkins “Cleanin’ This Gun.”
    Same storyline.
    One of the funniest things I ever saw on MTV was when they had a show starring a neo-hippie freak named “Jesse.”
    The producers decided to have Jesse escort the two teenage children of Ozzy Osbourne to an awards show.
    Shortly after the introductions, Ozzy asked his children to leave the room, grabbed Jesse by his tie-dyed shirt, slammed him into a wall and gravely warned him of the consequences if his children were exposed to alcohol or drugs while on the trip.
    “The Osbournes” came on MTV a few years later and it was painfully obvious that neither Ozzy nor Sharon had ever had the same “talk” with their own kids.

  256. Nazlan
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    First post here (don’t eat me!), but I couldn’t go on silently after today’s Judge Parker. This is Johnstonian, nay, Batiukian levels of laying it on. “He wants to work for you. So if you don’t hire this paraplegic veteran with an ailing mother and dying wife, it’ll be on YOUR head when his blind and deaf children and HIV positive dog as tossed out on the streets, Parker! I hope you can sleep at night when that happens…”

  257. odinthor
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    FBOFW — ” . . . and the second part of ‘significant’ is ‘if I can’t‘!,” she continued, brightly. “Furthermore, there’s an ‘ifi’ in the middle; and, considered rightly, an ‘ignificant’ is something that makes things ignite! And let’s not forget that there are three i‘s and one a, complementing seven consonants, namely s g n f c n t, not to mention that ‘significant‘ spelled backwards is ‘tnacifingis‘–and isn’t it really cool that, even when spelled backwards, there’s still an ‘ifi‘ in the middle?!?!?!” As she stopped for breath, with that pleasured look that only true simpletons can manage, Michael sighed and wondered to himself, “Is this genetic?”.

  258. El Santo
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    My Cage: Cassandra is being framed! Let’s use Slylock Fox investigation techniques here. If you look at the December 18 strip, there is a bulletin board full of notes. If you look very closely, you’ll notice that one of the notes says, in very, very fine print: “Cassandra didn’t do it. I just wanted attention. Signed, Norm.”

    Case closed!

  259. AhClem
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    SM – Television screen, computer screen, what does it matter? Peter’s problem isn’t from a radioactive spider bite, it’s X-Ray brain damage from sitting 6 inches in front of early console color TV sets when he was a kid.

  260. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Midweek Snark

    A3G: Eric, listen to your instincts. It’s not too late! (the snark, it writes itself)

    Archie: …actually plays on the cartooning shorthand for his hair. A spark of life in the AJGLU3000?

    BC: …fish don’t have teeth or lips! Doomed to fail from the start. Wiley is cruel cruel cruel.

    BB: …I’m really trying not to get my mind dirty, but I think even the cartoonists failed at that.

    Blondie: Can I rant? I’ll rant about this on a seperate post.

    DtM: No, Dennis, you actually haven’t been good. You just haven’t been much of a menace at all. Big difference.

    DT: Payoff day! Panel 1: I wince as the governor slips and starts falling – with each leg in a separate gap in the railing. He won’t fall far. And there will be a high-pitched yelp of pain. Panel 2: Necessary expository dialgue since without it nothing makes sense. …what am I sayin, nothing makes sense anyway. Panel 3: WTF Dick? What did the Dozers ever do to you?? You’re gonna be sorry when the Fraggles start singing you into insanity! (Sort trip, I know.)

    FC: What is an “apple polisher”??? I have never, in 40 years, heard the expression. Plus, Dennis already did it. Dolly looks insufferably pleased with herself, making her instantly unlikable.

    Garfield: WHAT?? Rectal jokes in Garfield?? Okay, when did the coup take place?? They haven’t been this daring in a decade or two! Nor this FUNNY! Yes, there is a direct link.

    GT: I’m confused! Is… is that strategy? Sports Strategy?? In Gil Thorp?

    H&L: Look at Lois in panel 2. She’s feeling her wrist, thinking the description correct, perhaps without even realising she’s doing it. That look of sad realization… Her life is now a sham.

    MT: It is clearly Andy talking. Another hidden talent.

    Big Dog: …wait WHAT??? Aside from the joke not relying on “Marmaduke is a Big Dog”, it actually can only work if Marmaduke spoke to his owner. Not to mention the inclusion of… I… I… *mind blows*

    MW: Canine bondage fights! Shame, Mary! Shame!

    Phantom: I hope she thinks she’s hallucinating now. Mental pictures so perfect she sees them in front of her eyes! A little too mental…

    Popeye: AUUUUUGH!!!! The whole blasted thing was nothing but a shaggy thung story!! I wasted neurons thinking about this! Not to mention that my brother used the exact same type of setup keeping a bunch of kids enthralled a whole morning at the cottage when we were young, embellishing and stretching the story, until the extraordinarily stupid punchline (a pun on the Coke slogan of the day) at which point they chased him for over an hour yelling threats of bodily harm. I feel the same way to the cartoonists, except they’re already dead, correct? Darn.

    SFx: Bob Weber, you absolutely RULE for a) even talking of beledi dancers in their area of origin, the Middle East, and b) actually informing kids that older people can dance, be thought of as sexy, and make a living of it. (I’ve no problem with you calling it “belly dancers” since it’s the only term the kids will have encountered; beledi and raks sharka, or the abbreviation MED would just be confusing.) Plus, I love the drawing to bits, showing the whole family dancing without any sense of shame, purely for the fun of it. I’ll even forgive the Saturday Night Fever finger pointing by the dad…

  261. Bootsy
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Oh, Girl Reporter, you said it before I could!

    To my everlasting shame, I want to say, “Steve Shannon can’t run for Congress. He doesn’t have any legs!

    The waitress will be here all week. Tip the veal. Try Red Greenback!

  262. Lindsey ^_^
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    I think Marty Moon is just as confused about the art of Gil Thorp as we are. It’s ok, Marty Moon, we don’t know what the hell is going on either.

  263. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Bootsy, I couldn’t believe I got to it first. The night owls and early risers usually beat me to all the good snark.

  264. commodorejohn
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – Why? Well, Margo, my theory is that you emit some kind of pheromones that entrance your prey.

    Crankshaft – What the…? When did Crankshaft get charmingly sentimental?

    DT – Dick Tracy: demolitionist murderer.

    FOOB – *uncontrollable vomiting* …I mean, really, what can I say here? First off is the fact that we’re moving toward the next (and, arguably, penultimate) stage of the Loveocalypse, which has gotten no less loathsome over time, despite (or perhaps because of) Lynn’s frantic attempts to force us to like Anthony. Then there’s the idea that inviting a friend over for Christmas dinner is an invariable indicator of romantic interest, which is pretty silly. Then, of course, there’s the “OMFG ITS A SIGN” statement by Dee, just in case we didn’t get that these are Star-Crossed Lovers and Oh My God Things Will Happen. And, of course, to top it all off, there’s the “Ha Ha Dee’s Parents Are Loathsome,” just in case we’d forgotten about the skeezy clannishness of the whole damn strip. And dammit, it’s a train wreck: you don’t want to look, but you can’t look away. Fuck.

    FW – Les gets off on watching his daughter mack on some guy, and plays at reverse psychology to achieve this goal. Ew.

    GA – o_O

    MF – Today is one of those rare occasions where I can really get behind a Mallard Fillmore strip.

    MT – The speech bubbles are all appropriately placed? If it weren’t for the ginormous moose, I’d barely even know this was Mark Trail.

    MW – Mary, that probably wouldn’t happen if you didn’t have Chester on a leash that’s all of two feet long. Also, cripes, he’s even smaller today.

    NS – HA HA CONSERVATIVES ARE EVIL HA HA HA

    SM – Are we supposed to be surprised that Spidey is taking the easy way out?

  265. Chennuxfangrl
    December 19th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Going Roadside on a Solo Car Date?

    Oh yeeeeaaaah…..

  266. Bootsy
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    NT: Hold on a minute. During the “lost Molly gets kidnapped by rednecks” episode, it was speculated that LoFo is in Georgia (a sighting I think confirmed by our own intrepid True Fable).

    Just cuz you have a guy with a French name and a pencil thin ‘stache doesn’t mean you’re in Canada. I think it’s more likely that he’s a transplanted coonass Cajun from Napoleonville or Mamou, La. Of course, if he really was, his nickname would be Blackie, and his oldest son would be named T-Boy. And he wouldn’t have let the Mountie stop him from either pummeling or shooting Bull.

    Hmmm. Maybe I need to rethink that.

    Carry on.

  267. Professor Fate
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: So it’s all set: Dinner, Marriage proposal, Pojectile Vomiting.

    FW: This is distrubing on many levels – either Les is being a passive agressive jerk or even worse he’s obessed with his daughter’s sex life and wants to be a part of it somehow.

    Oh great now I have an image of Les sitting in the front seat giving advice: “No no, no. If you’re gonna bang my daughter at least do it right. Two fingers like this”

    Excuse me I have to go bleach my brain.

  268. Harold
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    #60 Foobar, the message I got from the late great Mr. Scaduto in the third week of November said that my submission was scheduled to be published January 18. Most cartoonists have stuff on deck several weeks ahead of time, I believe.

    Does anyone have a submission scheduled to be posted later than that date?

  269. rich
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Foob: “The first part of the word ‘significant’ is ‘sign,’ right? This is a sign!”

    They should really take away her pharmacist’s license for that remark. I know I wouldn’t trust anyone so dimwitted to be filling prescriptions.

    Spider-Man: Oh boy, prepare yourself for some stunning detective work tomorrow as this seasoned crimebuster attempts to prove Simon Krandis is a crook!

    “I’ve got it — I’ll google ‘Krandis’ and ‘crook’!”

  270. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Allright, about the Blondie… Can someone explain where the practice of tipping a public servant came about? In Canada, no one tips the letter carriers – it’s actually illegal to receive monetary gifts as part of a government job (for rather obvious reasons). Yet it’s not in the USA, seemingly.

    The rant part comes from a recent article in one of the local daily free throwaway rags – literally a short free paper made by the local tabloid (the Sun) with truncated articles that end with “For more information, check today’s edition of The Ottawa Sun!” blurbs. This was a cover page story called “Is tipping getting out of control?” – yet it was one of the shortest articles in that edition, and was a filler Associated Press story from the US about a woman who spends upwards of $500 on tips in holidays. She included a disgustingly long list of the people she tipped – and the fact that it included the mailman and the milkman clinched to me that it wasn’t even a story from my own country, and was bloated out of proportion with the cover photo. (This is my typical opinion of that paper’s paid edition.)

    But the rest of the list of people being tipped kept boggling my mind – hairstylist? Um, I kinda tip that person every time I see them… not once a year… So is this linked to the concept of “end of year bonus”? (Which is also rather uncommon up here, that I’ve heard.)

    Sorry, the strip reminded me of this non-story about a single atypical person portrayed as typical, creating a problem where one does not exist. I was fuming then, it makes me fume now.

    224. Tweeks Coffee: you also mention mail carriers aren’t allowed to accept tips – is this a recent change, or longstanding policy? And why do so many people talk about giving the carriers monetary tips then?

  271. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    170. Mollificent: Making the tux and having sewing skills is not indicative of any sexual orientation; for some people, it’s the only way to have something that fits. (If I had any sewing skills, I’d be tempted to do it, and I’m quite hetero.) The Velveteen, on the other hand… and how much of a fiasco was it if he was nice and sweet and respected you? Compared to some alternatives… :)

    183. Ed Cage: Love the cryptic reply to ohyes. Oh yes indeed. :) From the reply to Mr. Weber, is “BB” your syndicate contact? Such positive reaction is good to hear about. On your reply to me: yes indeed, seeing what failings she has that make Norm feel comfortable to her will be great character development. And obviously, as this is a cartoony strip featuring talking animals, a little bit of comedic exaggeration is de rigueur, and to be taken in the same spirit it is offered – to simply entertain. :) And.. “sexy” and “Norm” are two rather dissimilar concepts in my mind, sorry. :D Even Bridget isn’t “sexy” to me – but as she’s sweet and tolerant and practical, she’s not “unattractive” as a character.

    189. solocardate: I admit that I noticed “Holy sheep” more this morning than late last night. And it made me chuckle.

    190. Avocado Avenger: office parties not involving alcohol? Mine this afternoon involves a Wine and Cheese. There are over a dozen bottles – and that’s just the Red… and this is on premises. :) And I regularly surprise my coworkers if we’re at a bar, because the first thing I’ll do is check out the single malts…

    194. Frank Parsnip: tying Monday’s Slylock to Monday’s My Cage with “bail money for her cousin” is genius. I constantly feel humbled here.

    214. nerowolfgal: indeed! Any remaining “trading posts” are for tourists, and probably in the Yukon or NWT. The trees are much too tall in MT for this to be the case.

    230. dimestore lipstick: Oh yes, I’ve seen the Archie Parable story before. Jughead as Native is the most disturbing, and I can’t figure out why.

    254. Girl Reporter: …you are so correct I’m ashamed for not picking up on it.

  272. Quix
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Okay, since no one else will say it, “What about the f@#$ng brownies!! Dammit, I want to know! I’m ashamed as I can be but I’ve got to know! AND NOW!!!”

  273. JamesinMaine
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    C.Havoc: You get full credit. You connected all the dots. Plus, I’m not sure a post from me will actually make any shirts appear. Unless maybe you whip some up! There are lots of free Sherlock drawings out there for the taking, I reckon….
    p.s., skimmed your blog and want to report that I too have declared the word underpants to be officially funny, in all contexts.

  274. Saluki
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    12-19-07

    Agnes: Continuing the current trend there are more feline females jumping on the bandwagon.

    BB: Oh God, where to start on this travesty, I guess with the drawing. First why does Lt. Fuzz’s arm come out of his ribs in the first panel? Then we move to the second panel where Miss Buxley appears to be outdoing Jerry Garcia as she seems to have only four fingers (I’m giving the benefit of the doubt here because I choose to believe that her thumbs are obscured) on BOTH hands. Also she must be way under 5 feet tall or that guitar is huge! She also has a broken string as there are only 5 on said instrument. Plus I’m wondering why she isn’t screaming in pain because the desk is either on her toe or she just smashed her toe in to the desk, either way ouch. What kind of General has an office that seems to be some kind of flimsy cardboard cubicle? Finally how did Lt. Fuzz get his nose to stick through the cubicle?

    All of this though just kept me wondering for a while the most important question. What kind of sick fantasies does Halftrack have that Buxley and a guitar “warms him up”. I’m guessing the Bobbie Dylan scene in Forest Gump is the tamest of those scenarios!

    La Cucaracha: Hey! Snarking on Cathy is our job!

    Luann: Halftrack should look at Captain McChiahead’s office. That’s what an officer’s office should look like. Also, I couldn’t help but notice that Toni is grabbing Brad’s ass. Ho ho ho indeed..

    MF: I wasn’t aware that illegals were on the fast track to becoming citizens. Who knew?

    MC: Mmmm, I wonder who could have stolen the petty cash. Not Casandra.

    OBH: For the love of pete big person, it IS a yes or no question.

    SF: I love the expression on the face of the woman who’s name I can’t remember.

    Willy & Ethel: Sometimes I think Joe Martin is a mad genius.

  275. Keg of Curd
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Agnes in her costume there kind of looks like that guy — I believe his name was Forrest — after he was turned into a demon hybrid at the end of Buffy season 4. We can only hope that this comic leads to a similarly flametacular conclusion.

  276. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

  277. Uncle Lumpy
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    #269 rich –

    OK, so when you actually do Google “Simon Krandis” and “crook” you get this selfsame blog, telling you “more information about Simon Krandis may be found on the Internet.”

    Ow, ow, ow!

  278. Keg of Curd
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    I like to think that the FC in question is actually a bowdlerized version of a submission that originally read “knob-shiner.”

  279. Perky Bird
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    #270 Niall–

    As a U.S. Government employee, I can say that it is also illegal for us to accept gifts from the public for the jobs we do. (This does apply to letter carriers, as well.)

    In fact, in theory, if someone gives a Federal employee a plate of cookies, we’re supposed to either refuse them or share them with our co-workers, after asking our Ethics Official for advice.
    (And each year about this time, all of us Feds get e-mail reminders about this.)

    Of course, we Feds can (and do) use our Government computers to read amusing comics-related web sites! ;)

  280. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 19th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    #270 – Niall: I actually saw the thing about not tipping mail carriers in Yahoo Answers. Someone had asked about it and a mail carrier responded. Basically saying that money can’t be accepted and cookies are way overdone. She suggested something simple like a hand warmer int he mailbox on cold days would be much better.

    As far as tipping; yeah, it irritates me to no end. I hate that servers get paid much less than minimum wage because tips are expected. I hate tipping people just for doing their job, even if they just did what was necessary. I don’t mind tipping for exceptional service and I tend to be pretty generous actually, but that doesn’t mean I like it.

  281. smacky
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    #250: Alt Dilog said, “…tapping a guy’s foot in the next stall.”

    Remember that the guy in question has no legs, so that’s not possible. Unless… no, don’t want to imagine that!

  282. Comcis Fan
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I am a girl who doesn’t remember her first solo car date. I do remember my first car date with parent driver, or at least the first one I counted as a date. I do think we called them car dates back in the 1970s, not in everyday conversation, however.

    Is Iris perhaps Mrs. Forth’s older, nicer, wine-bringing sister?

  283. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I live in a village that contracts a private waste hauler to pick up the trash. When I collected the empty can back from the tree lawn last Friday, there was a holiday card with the garbage man’s name and address tied to it.

    It frosted me. And I’m a tipper who doesn’t subtract the tax before figuring the 20% and then rounding up.

    I hate the spread of who feels entitled to a tip. Like the tip jar on the counter at Chipotle when I am expected to stand on line for my food, carry it to the table and then clean up after myself.

  284. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    276. Hedly: Thank you. No wonder I had never heard of it. The more modern version, though crude, is far more popular.

    279. Perky Bird: from one federal government employee to another, thank you for the confirmation. :) And funnily enough, I use my computer for a similar goal!

    280. Tweeks: I also disapprove with the minimum wage + tips formula. At least up here it’s illegal to be paid less than minimum wage for anything – so waiters starting out do get minimum wage plus whatever tips they get for good service. I find it makes for less obsequious and more polite and slightly more relaxed service (as in temperment, not quality). Of course, minimum wage is not a living wage anymore…

    On solo car dates: I never had one, because I never had a car… or a date until a disgustingly high age. But as others called them, it was just a date – double dates were things I only ever saw in comics.

  285. John Patterson
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    What’s this, Anthony’s going to propose to my daughter during Christmas dinner? Ha ha, he’s such a funny guy! Back to my trains now. Whoot-whoot!

  286. Sans Sense
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth just has to one up Gil Thorp’s tether football with tetherdog.

  287. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    If you don’t want to tip. Don’t tip. In some countries the wage includes the tip. Others, not.

    And if you order by number with nothing special and you really do clean up after yourself, there is no need to tip at all.

    But if you want one thing done differently, remember that virtually everyone behind the counter becomes involved. That’s worth a dime or two, isn’t it?

    And if you are picking up a $50.00 order for the office, and everyone at the office wants her order on her credit card for her reward points, then yeah, a tip is a nice thing. But there are no tip police to stop you to shame you on your way back to the office.

    Do you know what your garbage smells like in July? Or how to scrape it out of a frozen can in February?
    It might be nice to give a tip.

    Do you know that many USPS folks have work related surgery ?

    Yeah, everybody gets paid, and yeah, they cash their pay checks. And a big yeah, you don’t have to tip, but you also don’t have to whine about it.

    For more, I will be happy to rant in the cockpit.

  288. Sans Sense
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    P.S. looks like Mary’s due for a hip replacement.

  289. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    284
    Niall
    You are welcome.
    The minimum wage was never designed to be a living wage in the US.

  290. Moss_Moses
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    People sure spill their guts readily to Mark Trail, almost as readily as they confide in Mary Worth. Mark Trail is an authority figure, although which part of his job description as “world famous writer for an outdoor magazine” qualifies him to play judge, jury and executioner for any and all malfeasance in Lost Forest is unclear. People act like it’s Erskine FBI when he comes snooping around asking nosy questions. “Let me get my stomach pump ready Mr. Trail and I’ll willingly spill the entire contents of my guts to you right away”. Just once I’d like to see someone refuse to answer and tell him to mind his own business.

  291. Sans Sense
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: On the downside the Lizthony foreshadowing is in full gear. On the upside Dee is already drinking and going way out of her way to pick a fight with St. Michael. Please…

  292. Bootsy
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth and tiny dog syndrome: I have a really big dog. When we walk in the park she is always leashed. A dog that size unleashed strikes fear into many hearts. Tiny dogs always seem to want to attack her. They turn into yippy little bits of fury, and she is non-plussed by the attention. One time, a little thing that was similar in size and shape to a cotton ball actually attacked her. The thing was unable to put its mouth around any body part of my dog (the only part it could have accomplished this with was an ear, which was way out of reach) so it made little furious barking feints at my dog’s feet which resulted in my dog calmly picking up her foot and placing on the cotton ball, which was then forced to subside since it was effectively pinned to the sidewalk.

    Never at any time did I sink to the ground crying “Auaugh!” But then I’m not a meddling old biddy, though I will thought balloon to myself as I stroll in the park. But then, I’m usually high.

  293. Joe
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    #283 Girl Reporter:

    Yeah, that pisses me the hell off too. It seems like everywhere you go now, there’s a fucking “tip jar” there. From the carry-out chicken place, to the local Panera, to the carry-out sandwich shop, to the dry-cleaners.

    Fucking “tip jars” everywhere. It amazes me how many people these days think they’re entitled to a tip. Bullshit.

    This mini-rant brought to you by soemone who consistantly tips restraunt servers at 20-25%.

  294. Al
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    293 Joe — My parents owned a laundromat/dry-cleaners for 20+ years, and I don’t remember any of us EVER getting a tip. Not that I think we ever DESERVED one…

  295. Fred P.
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    So wait- “‘serving size’ becomes one”? What the hell? How does one measly cookie fit into the Plugger Weltanschauung of obesity, simple unsophisticated pleasures and complete lack of self-control? How does it jive with our pictured Pluggerbear, his glazed eyes staring unfocussed into the middle distance as, gripped in a paroxysm of gluttony, he eagerly shakes the few remaining crumbs and cookie-dust particles in the general direction of his gaping maw? Damn you, Brookins! I don’t ask that your cartoons be amusing, god forbid, but is it too much to ask for them to make ANY DAMN SENSE at all?

    Why did this particularly ineptly captioned specimen make it into the Top Ten Pluggers of 2007 series? Although Lord knows you’d be hard pressed to round out your Top Ten if you restricted yourself to just those cartoons that made a lick of sense. Couldn’t you have been satisfied with – I don’t know- the Top Two Pluggers?

    Why isn’t this “‘servings size’ becomes the whole goddam bag”?

    Why isn’t this “‘servings per container’ becomes one”?

    WHY AREN’T YOU IN SOME SORT OF INSTITUTION THAT SPECIALIZES IN THE CARE OF SEVERELY RETARDED PLUGGERS!?!

  296. Tweeks_Coffee
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    re: Tips (Last one, I swear): I probably would tip a garbageman, though heck if I would know how to. Though since the garbage in my neighborhood has the truck that picks up the can for them, I won’t. Though I would still be a bit irritated by them leaving their info like that.

    Looking back, I didn’t mean to sound nearly as whiny as I ended up being, sorry about that. I should say that the major thing I don’t like is that with the minimum wage/tip structure here that if I don’t tip a server than that person is getting about $4 an hour. As a decent human being, it would take some really terrible service for me to leave someone with that. Thus I’m pretty much forced to tip every server.

  297. Joe
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    #287 ltrftp Hedly:

    For the record, I tip my Postal Carrier $50 every Christmas.

    I throw my garbage in a dumpster, and it’s only a matter for the crane on the truck to hoist it up and dump it into the bed. The driver never gets out of the cab.

    The point is, there are those who deserve a tip, than those who do not.

    Postal Carriers: Yes.

    The guy behind the counter at Mr. Chicken: Definitely Not.

  298. UncleJeff
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    #284 Niall — I had a Chevy Chevette in high school.
    It was (one of) the reason(s) every car date was a solo car date.

  299. rich
    December 19th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Ten years in the future, everyone will say “solo car date.”

  300. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    I once put an extremely large pile o’ crap out for my garbage person, and tipped him with a twelver of Bud Lite.
    FW: Ten years in the future, may we be going out on solar car dates.
    Still no Scaduto obit in the LATimes!

  301. Mountain Mama
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    My paper delivery guy did the Christmas card in an envelope with his address thing. But I was cool. My grandma always gave her paper guy something at Christmas, so I sent him a card with a $10 gift card for the grocery store.

    I used to be a waitress and it’s a shame that since you get tips, you automatically are assumed that you can live on $2.50/hour. I wish the U.S. would use the Canadian/European system of paying waitstaff.

    Until I got married, I had a PO box at the UPS store. I would give those folks a box of candy at Christmas. Again, I saw my grandma do the same thing when I was a kid.

    And yes, it’s irritating to see tip jars out everywhere now. I used to work at Subway and once or twice someone would hand me an extra dollar if I did a big order. That was nice and I knew it was spontaneous. I will put some money in a tip jar if someone has gone above and beyond, but that’s rare.

  302. Captain Thunder
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Sorry for the delay, all you Romance fans, but Dennis, Viscount of Stokington returns!

    Menacing House

  303. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    298. Uncle Jeff: …I perfectly understand. To me, no car is preferable to, well, that

    297. Joe: Ah, so some people do tip them! I wonder what they do with the money, then. Pocket it (illegal as was stated above) or pool it, say for an office party, or donate it to charity… At least it’s not illegal to offer them a tip, just for them to receive it.

    296. Tweeks: I do agree that the situation you described is unfair. Having never worked in that type of job, however, I wouldn’t be able to think up any ‘fix’ for it.

    300. Red Greenback: I just remembered that the Canadian newspaper The Globe and Mail has a column called “Lives Lived” to which anyone can write, which amounts to personal obituaries and reminiscences. Would the LA Times have something similar, perhaps?

  304. UncleJeff
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    BTW: Did anybody catch the Monday night NFL game?
    Was that Kyle Orton quarterbacking the Bears or was it really Anthony “Pornstache” Caine?

  305. queek
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    295: The joke would have been more obvious if it was “servings per container: 1″

    In other words, Pluggers eat the whole box at a sitting.

  306. Little Guy
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    183: Thanks to Ed and Melissa for this week’s My Cage. This is a GREAT crossover shoutout, thanks to Comics Curmungeon. I feel like we need a secret CC handshake. (Uh, Coach Kleats, don’t bother. Just wave.)

  307. Little Guy
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    272: Yes, the “f@#$ng brownies”. When Ol’ WhatHisName* gets home, he’ll get a “happy ending”.

    * Males in JP are generic to me.

  308. Anonymous
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    FW: “No one has sex with my daughter unless I get to come along and watch.”

  309. Anonymous
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    SM: Just what we needed. An excuse for Peter to dick around on his computer instead of doing any actual crime fighting.

  310. Must Love Dogs
    December 19th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: I don’t know why Les is so worried. With that haircut, Summer will only attract guys who are big on musical theatre.

  311. ohyes
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    183 – Ed Powers: Thanks for the tidbit. Meeting Maureen will shake Sly’s world. I envision the two in the same panel – Maureen, relaxed in all her charm, and Sly, dutiful investigator of lost luggage complaints, standing there looking at her with wide eyes and tiny mouth, completely boggled.

    Sly, THAT’S a fox.

  312. Rainbird
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    270 Niall
    I assumed that it was sort of like Boxing Day, at least in the UK, where you give presents to the poor. I believe that is where the tipping at the end of the year may come from.

    But, I usually do it for people who work for me, such as my housecleaners. Certainly not the postal person, who can’t seem to get my mail in the right box if it was tied to her arm. Granted, we never seem to have the same carrier twice might have something to do with it. I guess rural routes aren’t the highest priority.

  313. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Summer’s date will ask her to pin the hems of the velveteen tuxedo pants he’s making.

  314. El Santo
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    #304 — Crap, now that you’ve made the Orton/Granthony connection, I can’t unsee it.

    And it kills me that the clean-shaven Orton looks like a clean-shaven Anthony, too.

    Gah!!!!

  315. Comcis Fan
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Girl Reporter: What’s a tree lawn? Can you have a solo car date on one?

  316. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for not jumping on me for the rant. No one whined, including you Joe. I was just feeling curmudgeonly.

    I understand both sides.

  317. Captain Thunder
    December 19th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Yet another Dennis, Viscount of Stokington is up.

    Dennis discovers the following:

    *Sunbeams = Cucumbers (?)
    *The Origin of Species
    *A Startling Invitation

    Menacing House

  318. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Comics Fan: The tree lawn is the strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street. So you’d park the solo car next to it, and if necessary, vomit the Boone’s Farm out the passenger side door onto it.

  319. Sans Sense
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    FOOB:

    “There is no escape from the Caine, save death. We’re all doing penance, sentenced to an outcast strip, manned by outcasts, and named after the greatest outcast of them all.”

  320. Niall
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    312. Rainbird: Canada has Boxing day too, but I’ve never heard the UK explanation, amazingly enough. It makes so much sense. (Here, the boxes pertain to the things in which the on-sale merchandise you just bought to excess are packed.)

    316. Hedley: if one can’t be curmudgeonly and be understood on this blog, where else could you?? :)

  321. Uncle Lumpy
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    #315 Comcis –

    So, step over the tree lawn on your way from the tree-in-house party to the food restaurant for your solo car date.

    If we keep this up, Al Scaduto will never really die.

  322. Girl Reporter
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy: Except that “tree lawn” is real…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tree_lawn

    http://www.bartleby.com/61/47/P0074750.html

  323. Captain Thunder
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Wouldn’t a tree lawn be, like, a forest?

  324. Sans Sense
    December 19th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    #322. Girl Reporter -

    As a favor to us all, could you please work on your non-regional diction?

  325. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Tree lawn, my wayward spawn.

  326. cheech wizard
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    312, 320: I always thought Boxing Day when the Brits beat the living crap out of each other the day after Christmas.

  327. Red Greenback
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    The red scarf matches your eyes, you close your cover before striking, father had the shipfitter blues, loving you has made me bananas.

  328. AhClem
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Never heard of tree lawns before, but around here we call them boulevard strips. And as Girl Reporter (#318) stated, they are useful for PSPV (Passenger-Side Projectile Vomiting) regardless of the name.

  329. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

  330. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

  331. odinthor
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    ‘Round these here parts (So. Cal.), we call ‘em “parking strips.” Addressing those of the “tree lawn” persuasion: What do you call the tree lawn if it is devoid of tree and/or lawn? (We’d still call it the parking strip.)

  332. gnome de blog
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    246+ posts later, I humbly nominate #86 Brown-Eyed Girl for COTW.

    ‘solo car date = roadside’ says it all, and so succinctly, too.

  333. Grinderman
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    But I thought Iris was bringing the vegetable.

  334. Mal
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    #44 – Josh – Two years ago, my girlfriend (wife, now) took an internship up in Alaska. I called Verizon to find out how calling to AK from Indiana would work, and the first two service reps I talked to assured me it would be an international call, and therefore wouldn’t fall under the “free nights and weekends” part of my contract.

    I kept telling them it was a state in the U.S., and the first guy I talked to said “yeah, but it’s way out there.”

  335. Moss_Moses
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    304. Granthony is not going to impress Lizardbreath with his horrible quarterbacking. That guy makes Rex Grossman look like Joe Montana. Thankfully he sucked because my beloved Vikings kept trying to give the game away and Kyle kept going three and out.

  336. Mountain Mama
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Oh, my God. My life as a teenager is in the comics today.

    Today’s TDIET…..that was me. I am not a morning person. I never was, never will be. I hated, hated, hated getting up early (still do, and anything before 8 is early to me) and my mom would crab at me.

    The blessed weekend would approach and either I’d get dragged out of bed early because I was indeed “wasting the best part of the day,” or because there was farm work to be done. Right. Now.

    I love my current job, but if I could work second shift, I’d be thrilled beyond belief. The one occasion I got to work second shift was heavenly, even though the job sucked.

    And then today’s FW: I was like Summer; no dating until I was 16, period. When I was in 10th grade and about five months from turning 16, the boy I really, really like asked me to the prom.

    I was a “good kid,” other girls in my class were going and I begged. It was the first time I’d ever been asked out.

    Nope. And yeah, I’m still a bit bitter.

    Gee, then six years later, what happens? My baby sister is not only dating, she has a steady boyfriend and she gets pregnant!

    Hmmm…..Mr. Scaduto? St. Peter, may I speak to Mr. Scaduto, please? Just one more TDIET? Please?

  337. Ooten Aboot
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #324 Sans Sense is well named. You go, #322 Girl Reporter. Without regionalisms we’d have only one name for that tree lawn/boulevard/parking strip or whatever, and only one name for the containers of unwanted substances that we place there weekly or whenever. Long live regionalisms, so we can argue the fine points of garbage, trash, refuse, waste and so on.

  338. Mountain Mama
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Damn.

    The boy I liked, not currently like. And to clarify, baby sister was 15 when she got pregnant.

    Yes, I’m from West Virginia. Why do you ask?

  339. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Mountain Mama
    In ND, it is not uncommon for prom queen to be pregnant.

  340. Mountain Mama
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Hedly. Sometimes it’s tough bein’ a hillbilly. :-D

  341. LTBF
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    If you’re wondering what a 51 star flag would look like, click on this link

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:US_51_Star_possible_Flag.svg

  342. ltrftp Hedly
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    One of my grandpas was born in Bluefield.

  343. "
    December 19th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

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