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Year of the rat

Slylock Fox, 3/23/08

So many good things are going on in Sunday’s Slylock Fox! First of all, it features my new favorite anti-hero Reeky Rat, trying to move up the social ladder but so ignorant that he thinks that stealing a nice suit will make him respectable automatically. As usual for Sunday, the solution to the mystery is too small for me to read; I’m guessing it’s supposed to be something about how the suit would be wet if Reeky had worn it in from outside, but really, the tip-off that he’s lying about it being his suit is that Reeky Rat doesn’t own any God-damned suits. His wardrobe consists entirely of stained t-shirts he shoplifted from the Goodwill.

Also charming are the plight of the Six Differences duck, trapped in the paws of a sleeping bear; a trumpet-playing rabbit thinks that startling the bear awake will free his feathered friend, but it will likely just get both of them eaten. Speaking of ducks, “how to draw” teaches the youth of today to draw a duck in a bucket, because really, why not? I can see that being an important part of any graphic novel you have planned. And, finally, it looks like our unfortunate baseball player is about to be eaten alive by birds in part of the worldwide animal revolt we’ve already seen brewing.

Panel from Judge Parker, 3/23/08

I just wanted to point out to everyone the extent to which Judge Parker is the King Of Not Moving Things Along: Biff Dickens buzzed the horses yesterday? Yesterday was sometime around Thanksgiving. And this is positively breakneck speed for this feature.

Panels from Mary Worth, 3/23/08

Mary’s big flashback continues to be lame and anticlimactic, but this pair of throwaway panels pretty much epitomizes the strip: a baffling and dubious traditional proverb from a random country, and then Mary talking over whatever her interlocutor was trying to get in edgewise to move the conversation back to her.

156 responses to “Year of the rat”

  1. Shoshi
    March 24th, 2008 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Ladder, you mean. :-)

  2. Jimmy
    March 24th, 2008 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    The glacial pace in Mary Worth has the curious effect of slowing my OWN life down… but I fear I shall soon be dragged inexorably into the past at the rate THIS storyline is going!

  3. smacky
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    RM,MD: I’d like to point out that MRSA is so widespread that a doctor recently told me if you don’t have it when you come in to the hospital, you probably will by the time you leave. They assume every rash they see is MRSA now.

    It’s not the sort of catastrophic event that will shut down a city, is what I’m saying. This story would have been cutting edge five years ago.

  4. lesles
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    josh, what about the cassandra manaquin? that’s gold.

  5. Weaselboy
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    FOOB, 3/24:

    Mom: You’re finally engaged!
    Elizabeth: Finally? Screw you, Mom. You’re not invited.

  6. Old School Allie Cat
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Where the hell is John in all of this celebrating? He’s down in the basement with his trains, running them in and out of a tunnel repeatedly.

    Also, I take offense at Elly’s “finally” engaged comment. What the hell? Did you want them to make the move while he was still married to Therese? Also, it’s not like Liz is that old – she’s in her mid 20′s, and that’s a reasonable age toget engaged. So is mid 30′s, mid 40′s or whenever the hell you’re ready. She’s not a gallon of milk, Elly – she won’t expire.

  7. Josh
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    #1 Shoshi — oops, yes I did! Fixed now.


  8. Dr. Mabuse
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – Elly’s so excited, her left tit has popped out of her bra. And it’s hanging sideways.

  9. Alan Vanneman
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    You forgot to plug the fourth edition of “Find the Six Differences” (yes, the fourth!). I find it helps to make a copy of Slyfox and use the Microsoft viewer (or some such) to blow up Sly to 200% and then flip it so you can read the fine print and not miss a thing! Oh, and I also like the fact that Gus Gorilla is the house dick at Pauline Puma’s House o’ Fashion, because nothing says “class” like a gorilla in a suit!

  10. Nate
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Given the amount of time that seems to have passed in Judge Parker – and then extrapolating it – I’m guessing that the events contained in recent strips happened in, what? 1962?

  11. velvet goldmine
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Sunday MW: Not only “Yeah, what Josh said!” but aren’t some of those panals and text lifted straight from sometime last week? I get recapping the week’s material over the weekend, but this makes the Sunday comic downright Worthless!

  12. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: I thought Eric was going to China? It looks more like he’s in Tibet. Or the Tibet Town neighborhood of San Francisco. Or maybe the TibetLand USA amusement park. Ride the Wild Yak AdventureCoaster!

    (WT)DT: Oh, God, don’t tell me Dick’s going to get inside Lector’s house by hiding inside a Trojan horse. Just last plotline you were in a house that was flattened with bulldozers! The SWAT team has bulldozers! Did you learn nothing?!

    (A3)GT: *Sputter*… THAT’S Marty Moon?! Look, Bolle, you’re only in the drawing seat temporarily, do you have to mar the memory of every belovedly malshapen character in this strip before you go? This isn’t Evil Spock, this is Pierce, a barista at the Bernie’s Coffee & Tea Co. in the mall.

    H&J: …And could you please go disinfect your hands, not to mention the six-feet radius around you? Thankewveramuch.

    JP: IT’S THE MOST EXCITING GOODBYE SCENE THE NARRATION BOX HAS EVER NARRATED! And if the goodbye scene isn’t exciting enough for Mom, she’s always got Mr. 12 Gauge to talk to. And when she gets bored with that, she’s got those railroad bogeys on her wheelchair, so she can always go for a cruise down the tracks and play chicken with a train.

    MW: “One time, I was quiet and seated at their dinner table… But they noticed me anyway, and told me to go home.”

    MC: It’s Norm back when he had hair! But his dad… is that a platypus with a combover? That’s just wrong.

    Shoe: Ummm…. he’s a bird.

    Yeah, I knew I wouldn’t get first if I wrote an actual post.

  13. Andrew
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Pluggers, yesterthread:
    Note the sad looking doormat in the featured Pluggers. My guess is that this is part of an ongoing saga. Dave would have initially requested that customers wipe their muddy feet before entering his establishment, but Pluggers have boots encrusted with filth to levels which no sissified urbanite can comprehend, and such filth cannot be defeated with a mere wiping. This led to the escalation seen here, putting Pluggers in direct conflict with his previous “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy. I eagerly await the thrilling conclusion in which Dave is sued for discrimination against Pluggers and forced to provide slippers at the door for his customers.

  14. Certified Christian
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    #2 – Judging from Dr. Drew’s cameo in one of Mary’s flashbacks to her childhood (, I’d say your fear of getting pulled into some kind of time warp to the past is justified.

  15. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]


    A3G: That expression doesn’t so much say “I missed you” as “I’m bored and/or stoned”.
    DT: Oh wow. A Trojan horse? Really? Suppose they’re going to hack up this precious piece of art to get into it or is it actually THE Trojan Horse?
    FOOB: Really? We hadn’t seen any indication at all that you were pushing for Anthony before this. Lynn’s a master of story telling!
    GT: M…M…Marty!? Cripes! I thought the Tyler Jay stand-in had just put on a fake beard and mustache! Why, oh why, does Marty look like some kind of railroad baron?
    H&J: Ah, thank you liberal straw-man for uttering a phrase that no human would ever speak so that we can point out how ridiculous political correctness is! Is this what you liberals want by disallowing religion in schools!?
    JP: Don’t worry, I’ve got Mr. 12-Guage to keep me company is going to become a very common phrase for me.
    MF: Oh Christ, Tinsley, let it go already! This rant is getting ridiculous even by your standards!
    MT: Mark’s been thrusting that dog at any breathing object for the better part of a week. Is it really necessary for him to haul it around like a loaf of bread?
    Big Dog: Frighteningly, I really wish I knew what had happened. Hopefully Joe Mathlete will cover this one.
    MC: Hmm, Ed’s first real foray into really fleshing out Norm’s character. I like where it’s going so far, I’m interested to see where he goes with it.
    Pluggers: Pluggers regularly get food poisoning from cleaning out the fridge.
    RMMD: “Rex, I want you to promise me that you’re going to stay out of the school’s locker room. Lord knows we had a helluva time covering for you last time.”
    SFx: But how does he know exactly how many ice cubes make up a 1/4 cup unfrozen? Though I guess Slylock does seem like the kind of freak that would know that sort of thing and make a point to tell all his friends at parties.

  16. Sheilagh
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Hello, Slylock Fox fans! Thanks for all the links in yesterthread, which I have just harvested today (from AhClem, Loramir, and even Bob Weber Jr.!). I’ll get Pop set up with a bookmark and I’m sure his life will be complete again :-)

    He does those Six Differences right along with the “hard” crossword puzzle — it’s not the NYT one in his paper, maybe Chicago Tribune? a challenge, anyway. So don’t be thinkin’ this is second childhood or anything. The man just enjoys his simple pleasures!

  17. AtomicDog of The Horndog Patrol
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Curtis – For what it’s worth, I think that the Obama babe is hotter.

  18. aquagirl3
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    The last panel of Blondie amused me today.

  19. Niall
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    15. Tweeks: …Slylock goes to parties?? The best I’ve seen so far is an orgy a double date with Max on a boat or at home.

    As for the strip above, Max is just agog staring at the shirt – a piece of vestment his brain still cannot comprehend in its nature or function.

  20. Calico
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MW – “One time, I was seated at Cathy’s family dinner table, grabbed the whole roast, stuffed it in my maw like a giant rodent, and ran out the door. That was my sustenance for the next two weeks.”

  21. Lettuce
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    I am so stoked for Elizabeth’s wedding on the recreated set of “The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T.”

  22. Calico
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    #18 – It amused me too, but are you really sure that’s silly string all over Dagwood?
    (Calling Rex Morgan, king of the woods)

  23. Anonymous
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    SFx: “The solution to the mystery is too small for me to read”… This is why Slylock often carries a magnifying glass.

  24. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Oops, I am 23. (I wish!)

  25. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    #19 – Naill: Well, he’s not so much “invited” as he “gets a report that there’s a crime going on” and crashes the joint. Then he just hangs out for a bit (after he gets whatever rodent is attending arrested) relating little bits of information and stories that only he finds interesting while everyone else desperately tries to escape. This is the sad life of Slylock Fox, pity him.

  26. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]


    H&J: Wow, talk about the right joke in the wrong strip. Don’t Herb and Jamaal both attend “The Church of the Deity of Your Choice”?

    A3G: Margo’s soul-dead expression as she talks tells the love of her life how much she’s missed him? As they say in the Visa ads, Priceless.

    FC: Funny, Thel could say much the same thing about Dolly’s conception.

    S-M: Why on Earth is Spidey breaking through the wall balls-first? Is he road-testing a new cup?

    Marvin: But Marvin’s already had a girlfriend, and today’s joke doesn’t make that any less disturbing.

    GA: Hey wait! If Amanda Lynn dumps her fiance, how are they going to keep dragging this story out for five months?

    JP: Aldo Kelrast as one of Abbey’s breeders. Senior drugdealers who fly biplanes. Wheelchair grannies with shotguns. “Judge Parker” has really picked up. It’s become “Snuffy Smith: The Nighttime Soap.”

    Momma: But at the end of the day, will Sonya vote for “The one candidate” or “The other candidate.” I think she’s waiting for an endorsement from Herb and Jamaal.

    Ziggy: I see Asian stereotypes in Ziggy’s future.

    9CL: In all four panels, Amos’ hand never moves from his crotch. That attests to Edda’s sexiness, if not Amos’ upbringing.

    GT: I’m glad the girls told me Marty Moon was posing as the father. Seriously, I would have thought that Andrew had just bought a joke shop beard.

    Phantom: Blam! Blam! followed by Ping and Crack? Oh, I see. They’re fighting with Goofy Guns.

    OBH: Unironioally, I can say that the Ruthiverse has many charming surprises in it. Not least is the daytime talk show hosted by a 35-year-old Cesar Romero.

    S4th: Sally’s right, Ted. Yes, the violent crime rate has gone down in the last 15 years. That T-shirt still screams, “Somebody mug me!”

  27. Lettuce
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann…

    Panel 3 –
    Brad: CARnations!
    Toni: I’m mush!

    Panel 4
    Brad: Great!
    Toni: No, I mean, I mush, as in so grossed out I’ve turned to mush. A flower pun? You think just because our fated mating has been telegraphed for a better part of the decade you think this is For Better or for Worse? Puns… what’s next? Ditching me to play trains somewhere? Look, you’re a disgusting shlub and I’m a total hottie. You didn’t even comb your mutant chia hair. Outside of the comics page or a CBS sitcom, this would never happen. Just keep quiet and be glad that I have no free will. “CARnations.” Sonuva…

  28. AtomicDog of The Ballistic Patrol
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Actually, they can shoot.
    So why aren’t they?

  29. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    –Cosmo, aren’t you afraid of heights?
    –No… I’m a bird, you mite-ritten, plaid-bedecked twit. I can fucking fly. Brain-damaged vermin! Carrion-scavenging idiot! [exeunt, cursing vigorously]

  30. Electro
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    “Slylock Fox believes the guard. Why?” I’ll tell you why. It’s because Slylock Fox is a real hanging judge: he always believes the guard. He’s never in his life stood up for anyone’s innocence, preferring instead to curry favour with the heavies in authority. He knows where his bread is buttered and it certainly isn’t with the likes of Reeky Rat. Hint, kiddies, if you ever stand wrongly accused, don’t expect Slylock Fox to do anything except sell you straight down the river.

    I speak from experience.

  31. Tracer Bullet
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    (DT) GT: “Marty Moon” my foot. I’m geek enough to recognize Batroc the Leaper when I see him.

    RMMD: Rex Morgan is not one to let a silly thing like the mysterious outbreak of a potentially fatal disease deter him from watching muscular teenage boys soaping up. For the record though, Rex, a MRSA diagnosis does not require a prostate exam.

  32. Shermy Glamrocker
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I’m guessing that Cathy’s dad will utter a platitude that will change Mary’s life forever: “If you are hungry, I shall feed you. If you are sad, I shall comfort you. If you are naked, I shall crawl into bed with you after the lights are out.”

  33. Mollie
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I think those curved lines at the front and back of Toby’s head are the outermost curls in her shampoo-ad hairdo. But they look a lot like motion lines, so it’s hard for me to shake the impression that Toby is nodding off in that first panel. “So… dull… Must…keep eyes open… Someone once said, ‘Never let Mary Worth catch you sleeping…’”

  34. Andrew
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Re Herb and Jamaal: Given all the “War on Christmas” tomfoolery that happens every year, I’m surprised there hasn’t been an attempt to ban the word “Gesundheit” as an attack on Christianity – or have I missed it?

  35. z
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    “buzzed” the horses… is that how they refer to it now?

  36. Gene Siudut
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    If Reeky Rat is guilty because his clothes are dry, what about Slylock? His clothes are dry too.

  37. Kurdt
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Is there some way to write the author of Mary Worth and tell him to hurry up the darn storyline? Seriously.
    Maybe if enough people write in we could get him to include some ninjas and dinosaurs piloting F-15s too.

  38. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    #12 SSB
    I would submit that the joke in Shoe worked much better when Steven Wright said it.

  39. yellojkt
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Biff Dickens buzzed the horses yesterday? Yesterday was sometime around Thanksgiving.

    Which means the buzz from the “secret ingredient” brownies should wear off sometime around Labor Day.

  40. Little Guy
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    36: SFx: Very good question! Bob Weber, Jr?

    JP: We had a month of Abbey and it was boring! Even in her tight jeans.That’s one of the signs of the apocalypse. Of course Anthony had to propose!

    GA: Do Yalies dream of sisterly threeways?

    Curtis: Haw haw! He has to chose between Obama supporter and Clinton supporter! Maybe he should have gone to Yale.

  41. Firegoat
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm — Okay, I know this comic rarely makes it on this site…. but damned if I know how it got past the editors today considering some of the other drug-related comics that get pulled. The last panel actually did make me laugh….. I’ll never eat crabs the same way again.

  42. Pan
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    As a Swede I am mystified by the “Swedish proverb”.
    I have never heard of it and I know pretty well all of them.
    Perhaps it is Chinese? A common mistake since we are equally inscrutable.

  43. Pozzo
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    If nothing else, Hannah Yo of Stamford, CT, has a future in manga.

  44. Vice-Pope Chris
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    #31 Tracer Bullet:

    For the record though, Rex, a MRSA diagnosis does not require a prostate exam.

    It does when Nikki’s involved.

  45. Lolsworth
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]


  46. Cami
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    2 – You may have just unlocked the secret to time travel.

    All we have to do is shut up our eager would-be adventurer into a room with this crazy old bat and let her tell a story. The longer it goes (and it can go indefinetly), the farther back in time he/she travels. To travel to the future… I’m still working on that one. Maybe if the plotline of said story suddenly became exciting instead of just vaguely ominous we’d be getting somewhere.

  47. commodorejohn
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    9CL – Okay, I comprehend everything here except why he’s breathing into a paper bag in the last panel. Is this some sort of arousal-defusing technique I’ve never heard of?

    A3G – Right. I like the shorthand-Tibet in panel two.

    FOOB – Yes, Elly, that’s right. Your machinations to assist this “nice guy” in his emotional infidelity and attempted physical infidelity finally paid off. Now you’ve successfully manipulated your daughter into the relationship you think she should have. From here, it’s only a matter of time until she has the wedding you want, bears the grandchildren you want, and enters the domestic life you think she should have. Congratulations, Elly, you control everything about your daughter’s life. You’ve successfully turned a thinking human being into a puppet for you to vicariously live out your fantasies with. You sure have every reason to be proud of yourself. Well, until Anthony uses the tricks he learned from you to leave her for someone else, that is.

    FW – Don’t worry, Les, this is Funky Winkerbean. You’ll never die of something so quick and easy as a heart attack.

    GT – oh god

    JP – If there is any justice in the world, Mrs. Cryptkeeper will meet up with Abbey and teach her to tote around at least one firearm at all times. Just imagine how that would improve the strip: this whole overextended “magic brownies” plot would become a one-woman kickass drug bust, and a 12-gauge might finally enable her to get Sam to have sex with her.

    MF – Sorry, Mallard, Judge Parker is outdoing you on the “kickass old ladies with guns” front today.

    MT – She’ll be fine; the magical Jackelrod ball has visited her to heal her affliction.

    SM – Wow, finally a villain with the exact same modus operandi as Spider-Man himself!

  48. Calico
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    #35 – Was it only just “yesterday” that Elvira buzzed Abby?
    (rimshot, thank you very much)

  49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]


    GA: Do Yalies dream of sisterly threeways?

    That was a great Philip K Dick novel.

    The question does make this Alley tangent more fun to think about.

  50. Patrick
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Can someone point me towards a link to a site that has Sunday comics included? Houston doesn’t seem to have Sunday strips online.

    Zits: I finally saw the aircraft carrier strip in my local paper this morning. The visuals of that redeem somewhat the excruciatingly stupid Jeremy being selfish strips. If he thinks he had a hard time parking that car, he should have tried parking my 1979 Dodge St. Regis this morning.

    Mary Worth: It’s amazing that this many weeks have gone by, and Mary has said essentially nothing. I am really having an increasing problem with the era this flashback appears to be set in. Which is no era in particular. What a mishmash.

    FOOB: Someone make it stop. Please.

    RMMD: I’m mystified by this story line. Does anyone not do even the slightest research? I have to say that ol’ Rex looks completely drained of blood in today’s strip.

  51. Darkefang
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: If Bob Weber, Jr. is reading this, I have an idea for next Sunday’s How To Draw segment of Slylock Fox: How To Draw a Buddhist monk.

    First, you draw the blandest, pastiest, WASPiest blonde guy you can imagine. Then, remove the hair. Voila! You have a Buddhist monk.

    DT: A trojan horse? Really?

    Oh well, why not. It’s not like the rest of the current story sounds like it was written by someone older than four years old.

    Foob: Finally? They’ve been dating for three months, assuming that time in Foob-land movies more like real-life than it does in, say, Judge Parker.

    This is just another little difference between Canada and the US, I guess. In the US, the third date is the generally accepted point at which many couples have sex for the first time. In Canada, the third date is the wedding.

    GT: Isn’t Marty Moon the closest thing Milford has to a celebrity? I guess the Gregory house is just lucky he didn’t show up reeking of whiskey.

    JP: Now’s the time to open up bets for the contest to see who can most accurately guess when this day in Judge Parker will end. I’ll take September 18, 2008. Yeah, I’m gambling it’ll be a short day.

    MT: Usually Jack Elrod’s animal pictures are pretty good, but he’s really phoning it in this time. That’s one oddly-shaped puppy.

    Momma: Wait… Topical humor in Momma? Of course, it’s difficult to take criticism of Clinton and Obama seriously when it comes from a strip that specializes in Oedipal humor.

  52. Ginger Yellow
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Nice suit? It’s green!

  53. jlakbj
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Forget the rat – “panda” is NOT a species of bear.

  54. Ryl
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    6. Old School Allie Cat–Liz has already expired. She’s engaged to Blandthony. She’s expired and about to spoil.

    Now on to comics I actually read:
    9CL: After shredding Edda through visualization, McEldowney tries to convince us that her shrewish blandness is compensated for by her bland “sexiness.”

    A3G: When I first saw the second panel, I thought Bland Guy #3 was in prison. Then I remembered that would actually be interesting and out of keeping with A3G.

    DT: Who cares?

    JP: Eastern European Despair Mom’s gonna shoot herself while Tragic Paranoid Veteran Son’s at work! Yes!

    MT: I’d be depressed, too, if the Jack Elrod circle was in my bed.

    MW: “…and I observed my first meddling in action. It changed my life completely. I knew then what I wanted to be when I grew up.”

    RMMRSA: The Dickens are growing MRSA on their not-farm. Crazy? Yes, but it would make as much sense as anything else going on right now.

  55. John C Fremont
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    # 21 – “Practice makes perfect. Practice makes perfect. Practice makes perfect…”

  56. Perky Bird
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    MT: When this story arc first started, I thought the “sick” little girl had cancer or something. Turns out she’s just sad because her parents are divorcing. That’s a cop out, Elrod! If this little girl is just staying in bed all day because she’s sad, hasn’t anyone thought to take the poor kid to family counseling or anything? But the puppy will cure her–puppies are great replacements for daddies!

    Still, I was hoping to see either a) a puppy cure cancer, or b) Mark using his right fist o’ justice to punch the cancer right out of the little girl.

  57. Jonny Quest
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Blondie: In Sunday’s strip I was hoping Dagwood would get Blondie’s nightgown with that Vacumn cleaner but no such luck.

    Rex Morgan: If the Health Office doctor needs Rex Morgan to give basic advise on the MRSA bacteria, such as originating at hospitals and schools, this town needs help.

    Judge Parker: Mr. 12 Guage. Abbey needs a 357 Magnum, then she would be stacked and packed.

    A3G: Margo may be a bitch, but she looks great in a tight sweater.

  58. bats :[
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy: oh, please, God, no…not Brother Catfael…

  59. Lord-z
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    I love the new Marty Moon: Martin D’luna, musketeer of his majesty Louis XIV’s first royal battalion.

    I got mssr Moon all wrong. I throught that he was, like, a senior or something. Not in his mid to late fourties, how ever old the R-train is supposed to be.

  60. Nuveena
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    In Elly’s fantasy, she pictures Liz descending an endless, circular, Escher-like staircase that goes nowhere. Oh, and today’s final panel does too.

  61. OohShiny
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    #42: “Delad glädje är dubbel glädje…” kanske?

  62. loudfan
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Pan #42: I’m Swedish also, and not only that, but I had a particular interest in proverbs as a child — my grandparents had a huge book of them, and I used to read it regularly. So I’m totally calling B.S. on that phony “Swedish” proverb!

  63. bats :[
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Hey, hey! Our beloved Truman Fable made it into the Monday Coffee Stalk! He makes several well-reasoned arguments, uses big words, and manages to toss in a few zingers, too — no doubt one of the LJ cronies will be canned for letting this slip in.

  64. Carly
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    But at least it’s not a freak bug invasion.

  65. Dingo
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I haven’t been posting lately because I’m getting ready for my interview on Friday morning for full-time tenure-track employment at my university. But… today’s FOOB makes me want to drive to Ontario and bitchslap Lynn Johnston back to 1954.

    Mary Worth: “One time, I was quiet and seated at their table…” Well, Mary finally admits it. ONE TIME in her life she was quiet. She knows the date. Too bad it didn’t sink in.

  66. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-hater
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh for fuck’s sake. “Finally” engaged?? Oh, that’s riiiiight………a Patterson female MUST get married while still her 20′s to the person whom Matriarch SmElly has given the golden nod to. Then spit out spawn right away. Anything else is unacceptable.

    SmElly is “pleased”?? Not happy. Just pleased. She and John always really wanted Elizaloser and Dopethany to come together……….especially when Dipthany was already married to Therese. That’s why they not only encouraged him to cheat on his wife, SmElly actually helped him by telling him that Lizzardbreath was at the bus station and that if he hurried, he could catch her!!

    The decent thing would be to tell Lipthany to go home to his wife, to forget about Miss Blubberbutt, quit mooning over her. But noooo…..this is the foobiverse, where other people don’t matter, just what Patterfoobs want!

    Fuck this comic. Fuck Corbiel. Fuck Milbourough. Fuck the FOOB studio. Lastly, a hearty **FUCK*YOU** TO Lynn.

  67. iedit
    March 24th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    #47 Commodore: You’re right on the money, but in Lynn’s mind, lack of original and deductive thought leads to wedded bliss, so Liz supposedly will be very happy living a soulless existence with that jerkoff Anthony.

    By the way, today’s Zits made me laugh out loud. That rarely happens these days with comics, so I have to give credit where credit is due.

  68. John C Fremont
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    # 65 – Good luck with the interview, Dingo!

    # 42 & 62 – I am also of Swedish descent, but all I know about my people is what I’ve learned from Bergman films. In that spirit, I Googled Mary’s quote. The first link was to something called “Swedish Proverb Quotes.” I am so disappointed that Mary Worth was right about something. Then again, maybe it’s just a random line from an El Brendel movie & people just assume it’s legit. From “Boobs In The Night” maybe.

  69. Josh
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    #50 Patrick —

    Check out faithful reader Dean Booth’s Sunday Chronicle Time Tunnel:

    #53 jlakbj –

    While biologists have traditionally put the panda in its own family closely related to racoons, recent advances in genetic analysis have shown that the giant panda is properly a member of the bear family, Ursidae. Honest!


  70. Poteet
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    # 6 Cat — Good point. And if only John would STAY in the basement, unseen, forever. Instead, I glumly predict another strip devoted to his ecstatic reaction to the glorious news. Or several strips, including at least one in which he sadly/happily remembers Liz as a little girl, with tears in his soulful, manly eyes.

    For this event, Liz ‘n Granthony’s gift registration site is undoubtedly asking for every wedding cliche in the arsenal, and I bet Lynn will try to deliver. For starters, I predict that at some point, Elly will also remember Liz as a little girl, either dressing up as a bride or dressing her doll as a bride. Awww…eew.

  71. Poteet
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    # 65 — Good luck, Dingo! I’m crossing fingers and hoping you’ll get what you want.

  72. RaJ
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Six Differences Duck wakes up in horror in the arms of last night’s drunken conquest. Homeless, filthy, strewn with the bones of his prey. I bet his DVD collection sucks, too.

  73. Buck Ripsnort
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FW: FORESHADOWING! This is how Les will die– Heart attack, followed by plunging into the marinara sauce before expiring in front of his daughter and her date. Summer becomes frigid as a result –leading to many hilarious puns!

  74. Red Greenback
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Jumping on the Moy make shit up bandwagon;
    “The only good marsupial with a military title is a dead marsupial with a military title.” -Tasmanian Proverb.

  75. Poteet
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    To all you Swedish-proverb mavens (what an opportunity!) — In one of my mushroom books, in the part about chanterelles, I remember reading, in reference to chanterelle’s many appellations, that an old Swedish proverb says “A cherished child has many names.” True, or is that a (ahem) true fable?

  76. Trilobite
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Happy Monday morning to you all! Hey, look, today’s comics:

    Dick Tracy: Dick Tracy’s master plan to infiltrate the house where all the hostages are being kept is…the Trojan Armadillo-Horse? Huh. Didn’t see that one coming.

    Gil Thorp: On the one hand, having an adult in the house pretending to be the Gregory paterfamilias should keep social services from placing all the kids in foster care immediately. On the other hand, it’s Marty Moon, so this just means that Social Services will think that the sole parent in the househole is a guy who smells like he’s been sleeping in a car full of empty bottles of Thunderbird, and they’ll seize the kids anyway. Also, if the A-Train wants to keep his family situation a secret, how the hell does it make any sense at all to tell the journalist about it? Marty Moon’s track record for keeping secrets is…well, nonexistent. I think maybe that’s not a spitcurl after all, it’s just his tiny brain trying to escape his head.

    Judge Parker: Steve’s mom considered taking Mr. 12 Gauge’s name when they were married, but figured that it didn’t make sense to have to change all her credit cards and her driver’s license when only had a year or so left to live.

    Mark Trail: Little Madeline must be a sound sleeper, seeing as she didn’t wake up when Mark Trail was shouting about animals and medicine just four feet away from her bed. Or maybe she’s just playing possum until the scary man who reeks of Brylcreem and moss goes away.

    Rex Morgan: You know, if this MRSA outbreak did start in a boy’s locker room, it would actually make sense for Rex to be involved in the investigation. So, no, let’s just assume that the kid didn’t catch it at school.

    Spider-Man: Oh, great…Spidey’s finally performing some superheroic deeds like punching through walls, and now the villain is just sitting around watching it happen on television!

  77. Trilobite
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #76 me –

    “househole?” Sheesh.

    I meant “household,” of course. Or at least, I think I did. Maybe it was a Freudian slip.

  78. jayjaybear
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    #12- SpiderBrick:

    Oh, my no! That’s not Pierce! It’s a very young Mitch Miller, tyrannical record producer and sing-along frontman!

  79. commodorejohn
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #76 Trilobite – “the Trojan Armadillo-Horse?
    Wait, I’ve got it! That’s Dick Locher’s rendition of Tarkus! Now that’s something to put in a museum!

  80. Batman Beatles
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: Never mind that Elly says she’s finally engaged, but despite that Liz has a ring, she still says they don’t want to rush into anything. Sheesh!

  81. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean – It’s his first night of work. He’s closing shop. Alone. In the dark. He’s going to be robbed.

    Or have a heart attack. One of those.

  82. man behind the curtain
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    MW — For the first time in my life i was introduced to the wonder that is tuna casserole. And I’ve had an affinity for tuna ever since.

  83. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #3 smack – Hey, only being 5 years behind the times is pretty cutting-edge for a soap opera strip =P

  84. Jilliterate
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MW: Judging by Toby’s homicidally intense gaze towards Mary Worth’s throat, she’s looking for a way to end the woman’s life, along with her slow-paced, doddering flashback. ‘Take the knife, Toby. Pull it across her throat. Do it. No one would blame you. It will be quick. She won’t feel a thing, and all her monologuing will be over…’

  85. Yaanu
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Is anyone else out there as confused as I am? Usually plotlines of this caliber take at least a week or so before they move on, but they spent one day ring-shopping. Is Lynn rushing or something?

    Also, I predict Momma Liz is going to go extremely overboard. See that staircase? Only $5 890. Fits in the budget!

  86. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth – I just want to say that my dad dresses exactly like that when he goes on vacation. Except sometimes he wears these really ugly fleece vests too. Oh, and a pastel orange “San Francisco Giants” hat that’s supposed to be for women. Yeah, not the most stylish guy out there.

  87. AhClem
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – I can’t wait until John starts going crazy over the cost of the wedding, because that’s a topic that’s never been addressed in humor writing before.

    “$500 for freaking FLOWERS? I can get a G-scale Pennsy K-4 for less than that!”

  88. Hasty Penguin
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Does Mary Worth believe in anything anymore? It’s also been bothering me that Toby and Luann from A3G look a lot alike, and I’m kind of hoping for a bizarre Margot/Mary Worth team up to ruin everyone’s lives from these comics.

  89. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Four is always one of the same! Seriously, in these similarity things, #4 is one of the similar ones about 90% of the time. And I mean in general, not in the comic.

  90. Old School Allie Cat
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #81 – Les, alone, in the dark? I suspect Le Chat Bleu is going to pay him a visit. I hope the cat tells him to get a life, start banging a student teacher or something.

  91. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    85 — Yaanu — only $5890 for the staircase? Cheapskates… There was an article in the local fishwrap yesterday about brides and budgets. The bride in questions was congratulating herself for limiting her dress budget to JUST $6000. (I called the editor this morning to confirm that that was the correct figure.)

    As a comparison, my wife got 2 gowns (yes, two — long story) for under $500.

  92. Henning Makholm
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    #75: That one’s good and current. The original reads “Kärt barn har många namn”. Also works in Danish: “Kært barn har mange navne”. In context it usually means something like: “if there are many different words for some thing or concept, it is probably because many people have occasion to speak about it”. Deep, isn’t it?

  93. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    87 — Not a problem as I see it. Liz has got that gay friend who owns the plant nursery — should be good for a discount. And with the dress from the crawlspace, the only major expense should be (glorb, splort, EAT) food.

    90 — I’m still waiting for Les to start banging the former student who tried to commit suicide over him — who eventually became a student teacher and finally a teacher at his school (I think).

  94. Muffaroo
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    SF – The original solution to the mystery was going to be that Rat’s suit didn’t stink, but the syndicate was afraid that in tiny print, the “u” in suit would look like an “h” and made Weber change it. Slylock is so fixated on the rat that he doesn’t notice his sidekick taking his own clothes off in the store.

  95. gnome de blog
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    87, 93
    April’s band can play at the reception, with Uncle Phil on the hose-o-phone.

    There has to be a disaster at the wedding. It’s the disasters that make weddings memorable. April can probably take care of that, too.

  96. lynngineering
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Maybe it’s me, but read Granthony’s body language as it “responds” to Elly’s over-the-top neurotic mother-in-law-to-be embrace: she’s like that tool used in accidents, the “jaws-of-life”, only in reverse….He behaves as if he’s a quadriplegic using just what’s left – his limited facial expressions – to signal for someone, anyone, to help him out of there. Real joy there. Maybe Liz didn’t call home about the engagement for a reason.

    It’s all this obvious overkill of hesitancy and stiffness, that I assume is Lynn’s “literary” side at work, intended to clue readers that, for sure, there’s a second act still to come before the third act sacrifice.

    The whole thing is just too far over the line seperating Lynn’s homilies-of-rationalisation from plain old misogynist tripe. Nauseating? Sure. Is Liz owned? Foobally.

    Compare the engagement day on CC, and number of responses, to the time way back when CCers would rack up 500 or so comments for the subject of when Liz and family were driving back together after her rape trial, and they started right in on her to go after Anthony.

    Now it’s all spiralled so far inwards into Lynn’s personal story, we’re left stranded on the wayside, as spectactors. The title should be changed to “Take it or Leave it”.

  97. man behind the curtain
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    #88 hasty Penguin — Speaking of lookalikes, it seems to me that in today’s LuAnn, Toni looks a little like Brad’s mom. Do we really want to go there?

  98. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    A barátság az örömöt megduplázza, a bánatot kettéosztja.

    Hm. It’s just a lame, transparently phony proverb no matter what language you put it in.

  99. rhymes with puck
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]


    SF: I love the “How to Draw” feature! It is indispensable for the budding comic artist. Let me recap how to draw a duck in a bucket. Step 1: Draw bucket. Step 2: Draw duck in bucket.


    BB: HA! It’s funny because he’s fat!

    Curtis: Is it just me, or does Ray Billingsley think that women are naturally stupid?

    FBOFW: Is there anything worse you could say to your daughter than ‘finally!’ when she tells you you’re engaged? I mean, other than ‘you’re fiance is a loser’ (except in this case when of course he is and someone needs to tell Liz this), or ‘but I thought you were gay!”.

    RMMD: “Res, go to the school gym and hang around the boy’s locker room, see if you can find out how he got infected.” “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

    Spider-Man: Should I bother to point out that Spidey’s hand is touching the electrically charged pole in the first panel, and therefore should be dead? Oh, wait, I just did.

  100. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Are other comics artists starting to snark on FOOB? Friday’s Garfield appeared to make fun of the Pattersons’ eating habits, and Sunday’s Hagar the Horrible featured Honi proposing to Lute in a manner only slightly more romantic than Anthony’s acquisition and merger discussion with Liz. Lute’s reaction to the proposal even looks like it was drawn by LJ. Since Honi and Lute are characters that have been seen rarely of late, I’m wondering if Dik Browne brought them out of storage just to zing Lynn.

    #63 bats :[ — Thanks for the heads-up about True Fable’s contribution to Coffee Talk. I can’t believe it will stay up for long. “Mudges better act quickly in order to see it!

  101. rhymes with puck
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    oops, can’t believe I misspelled “Rex”.

  102. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    #22 Calico:

    It amused me too, but are you really sure that’s silly string all over Dagwood?
    (Calling Rex Morgan, king of the woods)

    Why, Calico! That’s… dirty! Ha ha! snrk, larf… “king of the woods” …heh!

  103. DAS
    March 24th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    It’s from a few days ago, so maybe it’s already been addressed but:

    A3G: toodle, toodle, toodle ???

  104. aquagirl3
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Check out “Momma” with all the cutting-edge political commentary today! Next thing you know, Cathy will be pausing and looking at the audience to say.. “You know, I may look fat in all my clothes…but some soldiers don’t even have the “extra padding” they need. Donate flak jackets to Our Military.”

  105. Patrick
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    #47 Commodore John’s FOOB comment is my vote for COTW.

    Josh, thanks for the Sunday papers link.

    The quote below from Frank Cho made me glorp up my lunch. Must learn not to do that!

    “This may come as a shock to some of you out there, but my favorite strip currently running is FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE by Lynn Johnson. I think Lynn Johnson is the best cartoonist right now, bar none!”

    I have only two things to say about this: One, has he read the strip lately, and two, SAY IT ISN’T SO!

  106. loudfan
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    OK, after wasting time Googling Swedish proverb web sites, I have found one that might be the origin of the Mary Worth proverb: Delad glädje är dubbel glädje; delad sorg är halverad sorg. Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. You win this time, Mary.

  107. Luprand
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I must now find an excuse to hide a duck in a bucket in a future comic.

    Also, the current splash image at is another “munch slupp gulp eat” moment. WHY?!

  108. Zaq
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    UNSOLVED MYSTERIES from today’s (and recent) Gil Thorp, and potential solutions:
    1) Why did Maureen need to make the phone call instead of A-Train?
    1a) A-Train has a crippling fear of phones ever since Ex-Wife #3 tried to reenact the classic Judge Parker “Celeste Black” scene with a phone instead of a microphone.
    1b) Maureen is old enough to purchase booze to bribe Marty, whereas A-Train is actually TOO old to do so (yer cut off, old man!).
    1c) A-Train tried texting Marty, but got sidetracked with a discussion on how many points he scored, which, when Tyler Jay proofread it, took to be sexual innuendo, and said “y’know what, let’s let the girls handle this.”

    2) What kind of favor does Marty owe A-Train?
    2a) Some kind of blackmail involving a Gail Martin voodoo doll and an unhealthy number of condoms.
    2b) A-Train let Marty borrow his moving house to use as a roving base of operations once, after Marty got his license suspended for DUI.
    2c) A-Train really IS dealing drugs, and Marty’s racked up quite a tab. (No one told him that it was just pumpkin scented candles and bleach.)

    3) Why does Marty Moon use slippery wordplay to put the lie in the mouths of the kids, rather than actually lying himself?
    3a) In his own reality, Marty views himself as an investigative journalist, and to lie would compromise what he views as his journalistic integrity.
    3b) Marty hasn’t actually been fully briefed on the plan, and is reading from cue cards.
    3c) Marty is speaking in code, desperately trying to alert Jan Keane (sister of Thel… Jan thankfully was not inflicted with the genetic megaloencephalopy that Thel and her family suffer from) that Cully Vale is waiting in the next room, under orders from Gil to silence him if he slips up.
    3d) Since this was Tyler Jay’s plan, Marty’s suffering from a self-inflicted concussion right now, and believes he is speaking normally.

  109. smacky
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    FW: Here it comes. Les will get shot by Summer’s new boyfriend on his first night closing the pizza place. Then the boy will get Summer pregnant on her first “solo car date.”

    I hope Les drew a map to the tree where he scattered Lisa’s ashes. How else will Summer find it (before she loses her legs in a subway accident on the way to give birth to “solo car date” baby)?

  110. smacky
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    105, Patrick, could it be because Frank Cho has a fetish for, shall we say, the “curvy” ladies?

  111. Zaq
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    109 Smacky: Don’t be silly, smacky. Les will clearly suffer from congestive heart failure and five or six heart attacks (each one more dramatic and unexpected than the last!) for his grisly demise. He very well MIGHT get shot by Summer’s boyfriend, but that won’t finish him off. A gunshot would is far, far too quick for the Funkyverse. Batiuk doesn’t “snuff out” characters… he slowly and agonizingly smothers them, and makes sure everyone is well aware of it.

  112. bats :[
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    99. rhymes with puck: ‘Mudge minds, you know:

  113. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    #99 rhymes with puck— Re SF: My question is why the duck is drawn up to his neck in water. In nature, ducks are designed to float, even in a bucket. Maybe Bob Weber, Jr. is be showing us the first step in preparing that classic Chinese dish, Sinking Duck.

  114. Stan
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if April will meet that special someone at the gig, and go “roadside”. What better place than your older sister’s wedding to “go there”?

  115. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    #113 Me– …is showing…
    Furshlugginer typo!

  116. smacky
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #111: Zaq, you’re probably right, but I’d like to see Les go quick and unexpectedly. His wife already lingered, got better, got lied to by the hospital, got worse, made her peace, lingered, and died. Mary Worth could have almost finished her childhood flashback in the time it took Lisa to expire!

    #113: Alfred E. Neuman, maybe it’s not water. Maybe it’s molten glass.

  117. rhymes with puck
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    113 – I had assumed that the duck had been buried up to it’s neck in cement. It’s the only reason I could think that it appears to be sweating.

  118. gkl
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m kind of disappointed that we never actually saw Mary’s mother. I’m morbidly curious about the loins that could bear such bitter fruit.

    Pluggers: What he’s doing is bad enough, but when he’s done with the solids, he’s probably going to lick clean the surfaces too.

    GA: Go Ada! Bitch of the Century! (And my standards in this category are pretty high, ’cause I watched Rock of Love 2 last night.

    GT: When I think “wholesome family environment,” I tend to think… well, sort of the exact inverse of the second panel.

    MT: I’m not a fan of pharmaceutical companies, but if Merck bought this strip we could at least avoid the Mary Worth-iness of panel 2.

  119. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    #103 DAS— gleeb, Uncle Lumpy and I addressed this issue in “Friday’s Quickies”, to wit:

    gleeb says:
    March 22nd, 2008 at 8:58 am
    A3G: I’d like to think that Margo’s ringtone is actually a brief recording of someone saying “tootle tootle tootle”. It would explain her bemused look better than the coincidence of it ringing just as she talks about waiting for it to ring.

    Alfred E. Neuman says:
    March 22nd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
    #242 gleeb— I think that ringtones in the comics can be a new source of snarks. We know that Luann DeGroot’s is “Doodle Deedle Deedle”, and that Margo’s is “Tootle Tootle Tootle”. How about “Mudges coming up with some appropriate ringtones for other comics characters? A few examples come to immediately to mind:
    Mary Worth: “Meddle Meddle Meddle”
    Spider-Man: “Feeble Feeble Feeble”
    Elly Patterson: “Waddle Waddle Waddle”
    Sam Driver: “Limper Limper Limper”
    OK, I’ve picked the low-hanging fruit. C’mon ‘Mudges, show your creativity!

    Uncle Lumpy says:
    March 22nd, 2008 at 6:39 pm
    Anthony Caine: “Wheedle wheedle wheedle”
    Dick Tracy: “Addle addle addle”
    Spider-Man: “Idle idle idle”

  120. Calico
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    #105 – Is Frank Cho blind?

  121. Albin
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Being a Swede I must firstly say that I resent my land being referred to as “random”.
    We are after all the proud inventors of the skiftnyckel, the herring-strangler, and irony. You might even say we are the last true superpower on earth and that we will soon force the rest of the world into our ancient ways of binge-drinking on weekends, boiling potatos, neutral conflict-handling and hating Danes, and first and foremost: hating Swedes.

    On the subject of the Swedish proverb however I to has never heard it in my life. And I must wonder why they did not use the for the situation perfekt Swedish proverb “Det löser sig, sa kärringen och sket i vasken”.
    Roughly translated “It will work out fine, said the old lady and defecated in the sink”.

  122. Calico
    March 24th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    #119 – FOOB – Glup glup glup
    Or, Tapitta tapitta tapitta

    Mary Worth – Zzzzzzzzzzzz

    FC – Dolly, I’ve told you before several times NOT to swig the Robitussin right before bedtime!

  123. gnome de blog
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    “I wonder if April will meet that special someone at the gig, and go ‘roadside.’ What better place than your older sister’s wedding to ‘go there?’”

    That “special someone,” turns out to be Warren. They get drunker’n skunks and head roadside. She ralphs all over him and they get caught in the act, leaving her publicly humiliated but with virginity intact. Warren gets two to five for statutory rape and April is packed off to Miss Hathaway’s School for Girls in Flin Flon, Manitoba. She runs away, dyes her hair black, hitchhikes to LA and becomes the next Courtney Love.

    Elly goes on Xanax. Everyone Elizabeth meets for the next 10 years greets her with, “oh! You’re the one whose sister…”

  124. gnome de blog
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]


    Jeremy Duncan’s is fleedle fleedle fleedle (really), which is best of the bunch.

    Elizabeth Patterson’s is one long whine.

    Abby Spencer’s doesn’t ring. It’s permanently set on “vibrate.”

  125. Little Guy
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    105: Frank Cho declaring his love for Lynn and FOOB is like Simon Cowell extolling the singing talent of William Shatner.

  126. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: You’re kidding, right? That hasn’t worked since Troy.

  127. bats :[
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    119. Mr. Neuman: a few more to add to your list:

    Edda Burber: “wiggle wiggle wiggle”
    Amos, the Boyfriend: “jingle jingle jingle”
    (his noseful of quarters, you know…later in his accompanist’s bodice)
    Thorax: “ramble ramble ramble”
    Drusilla: “sexy sexy sexy”

    Lio: ” ”

    Mooch: “shneaky shneaky shneaky”

  128. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — Holy crap! I did not see that coming.

    I don’t get it, though. I mean, there’s only one thing I can think of to get Marty Moon to do these kids a favor … and they just aren’t old enough to buy him that sweet, sweet booze.

  129. cheech wizard
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    1 rookie pizza manager +
    Closing up shop by himself +
    Death-loving comic strip artist =
    Say goodnight, Wes.

    We won’t even have to wait for the long, drawn-out cancer story this time – just a late-night robbery that ends with Wes getting his brains blown out all across a freshly tossed pizza dough. No mushrooms, please.

    The next day’s RM features Nikki showing up at the Morgan household munching a shrimp pizza. Rex and June each have a slice.

  130. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-hater
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    119 Mr. Neuman:

    A few more:

    Brad Degroot of Luann: “dorky dorky dorky”
    TJ of Luann: “tricky tricky tricky”
    Elizaloser of FOOB: “flabby flabby flabby”
    Pastythony of FOOB: “pasty pasty pasty”
    Wobin of FOOB: “mmmm mmmm mmmm”
    Mewidif of FOOB: “bratty bratty bratty”
    Wanda of BBlues: “milfy milfy milfy” (oooh yeah!)
    Jenny Miller of Marvin: “milfy milfy milfy” (baaaaaby!)

  131. cheech wizard
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    119/127 – I think Mary Worth’s ringtone would be more like a buzzer:

    “drrrrooooonnne! drrrrooooonnne! drrrrooooonnne! “

  132. Patrick
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #110 Smacky: I regard myself as a fan of curvy women since I am fond of painting pictures of them, but I don’t see anyone in the FOOBverse as being curvy. More like doughy or potato-y. Especially in the nose department.

    Click on my name for a link to my website. My paintings are a long way from where I want them to be, but I keep trying.

    I have to wonder how long ago Cho made the comments about FOOB. Surely, he doesn’t still follow it now? There was a time I used to like it, but I’ve purged when that was from my mind. If I had seen the re-issued strips when they first came out, I probably would have hated it from the beginning because the seeds of Lynn’s contempt for her characters were planted from the beginning.

  133. Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean Part 2 – Earlier I mentioned that Les was probably going to be robbed, since it’s his first night alone in the dark store. However, I would like to elaborate on this. Les will be robbed by Summer’s new boyfriend, however Summer won’t believe him and it will cause a huge drama where her creepy, stalking father can’t convince her that her boyfriend is a thieving freak, and she ends up getting angry at him and yelling at him for being a creepy, stalking father. It will end with her boyfriend coming to Montoni’s a drunken, sloppy mess, having grown a new goatee, and proceeding to rape Summer in the bathroom (while Les is avoiding her trying to show her that he does NOT stalk her!!11). She becomes pregnant, but at least her father will be vindicated again.

    When all of this happens over the next two years, you can thank me for predicting it.

  134. Loramir
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    119 Alfred E. Neuman:

    Liz Patterson’s could go “settle, settle, settle!”

  135. commodorejohn
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    #133 Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) – Not at all implausible. I mean, we all know that Les only has that sock drawer full of Summer’s “missing” underwear because he’s analyzing the chemical traces, trying to catch any hormonal problems before they happen, right?

  136. Certified Christian
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Belated for Easter – a snarkilicious collection of old Easter card greetings. Click next to work your way through the gallery:

  137. Arglebargle
    March 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]


    Mary Worthless: “Boring! Boring! Boring!”
    Funky’s Les: “Mourn! Mourn! Mourn!”
    Locker-Room Rex: “Voyeur! Voyeur! Voyeur!”

  138. odinthor
    March 24th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    121. Albin. — Not for all the butter in Småland would I fail to express solidarity with my countryman (well, three generations back) and his ultra-svensk posting! But you forgot to mention our convivial, gregarious nature, our deep-seated personal optimism, and our risk-taking, damn-the-rules attitude. Plus, with the Vasa, we showed the world what seaworthiness is all about. Anyway, to tweak that translation very slightly to make it more idiomatically English: “It will work out fine, said the old lady as she defecated in the sink.”

  139. Professor Fate
    March 24th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: What you don’t see in the 4th pannel: At the bottom of the stairs dancing are the mishappen inbred patternspawn called from their fetid undergrown lairs to dance and worship as the virgin bride of their god desends – their chant rises in the air: “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”
    And I awake in a cold sweat.

  140. Laura c
    March 24th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    TO: Principal Smarmy McSideburns
    P.S. 132

    Madeline cannot come to school today because she has parentsaregettingadivorce.

  141. rhymes with puck
    March 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    More ringtones:

    Funky Winkerbean: “DIE!” “DIE!” “DIE!”
    Spider-Man: Brick! Brick! Brick!
    Blondie: The song “Baby’s got back”
    Killer from Beetle Bailey: Barry White’s “Can’t get enough of your love, baby”
    Pluggers: Nothing, they can’t afford a phone.

  142. SteveS
    March 24th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    I for one am outraged by the lack of a Crucifix and/or trail of blood leading to a Jewish Cave in this Sunday’s Easter BC. Is there nothing sacred? Mr. Hart is rolling in his grave!

  143. True Fable
    March 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]


    Got them today, they are MAGNIFICENT, the very essence of GOATERY! Thank you SO MUCH from top to bottom of my little Capriian-lovin’ heart.

    Yours is a mighty soul!


  144. JeremyEJones
    March 24th, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Aw man, I’m feeling it on this new Rex Morgan storyline. I’ve been under the death-grasp of MRSA staph for two months now. It started on my leg and recently spread to my face. I’ve had to do the ER twice and go through two rounds of antibiotics. I’m currently in the “I have to wear a scarf over my face” stage ’cause people freak otherwise, acting like you’re a leper or something. Hence my online life has flourished exponentially, given my inability to leave home :(

  145. Albin
    March 24th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    No, now the onion is blooming and the boiled pork is fried.
    It seems that we noble Swedes are conquering the world, starting with a slow takeover of the comics curmudgeon.

  146. kippetje2000
    March 24th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    So sorry to hear that JeremyEJones. I hope you know our snarking on MRSA is only ’cause we’re ignorant. You know you’re a Curmudgeon when you have to take off your shit-covered plugger’s boots to insert foot into mouth.

  147. dale
    March 24th, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    … and defecated in the sink

    That is exactly why the Raleigh City Council must rescind its recently passed ban on garbage disposals.

  148. Poteet
    March 24th, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    # 92 Henning — Wow, thank you! I appreciate your knowledge and am really impressed.

  149. deedle
    March 24th, 2008 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    since when did Judge become the Office? \

    “That’s what she said.”

  150. Canuckguy
    March 24th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    71: “Good luck, Dingo” for what, the job interview, or driving up to Lynnland and bitchslapping Johnston back to 1954? No offense to Dingo, but I wish him luck for the latter, as the former would take time away from this much needed activity. Unless they’ll pay you to do that. Which they should.

    36: Yes, good point, Slylock’s and Max’s clothes are dry too! This can only mean that Reeky is their accomplice. Slylock makes a distracting by interrogating Reeky as Max slips out of the store with a shirt. Then Slylock “offers” to take Reeky back to “HQ” in his squad car, still wearing the suit. It is there they plan their next heist, after Slylock takes his “cut”. You know what I mean …

  151. Kavak
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Wait- a Slylock Fox with a solution that it’s target audience of children could actually come to? Does anyone hear hoofbeats?

  152. Harold
    March 24th, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    At what point in Mary Worth’s flashback “secret origins” story does she start selling apples on a street corner?

  153. Wolf Shepherd
    March 24th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “We’ve got a wedding to plan… for!!”

    Do Canadians really talk like that, eh?

  154. PQQ
    March 24th, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    The crux of the Judge Parker panel: that’s what she said.

  155. Pan
    March 25th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    To #61, #106, #68. You cannot believe that ye olde Swedish
    saying “joy shared is joy doubled” can be related to Marys
    weird spin of friendship and joy? And who–WHO–can trust a
    website called I think I exist, therefore I am–right? But OK, Mary can Google, I will give her that.

  156. Notebooked
    May 2nd, 2010 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    I’m Swedish, and I can think of a saying that matches the translation — Delad glädje är dubbel glädje, delad sorg är halverad sorg, as cited above. It means, literally, ‘Divided happiness is twice the happiness — divided sorrow is half the sorrow’. But there’s nothing about friends in there — that part’s implied, or, you know, you could always share things with family and the like. So Mary Worth HAS got it right, essentially, except for throwing in a ‘friendship’ where the implication would not do.

    Thanks for clearing it up for us, Mary!

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