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A bunch o’ Thursday quickies

Curtis, 4/3/08

In the interest of saying something nice once in a while, I will admit that today’s Curtis cracked me up. The “Curtis is obsessed with Michelle” bit is overdone, but I found his dad’s anti-cheese diatribe to be completely hilarious. “Double cheese, melted cheese, cheesy sauce, cheesy sticks, cheesy cheese! Cheese cheese cheese!! It doesn’t make sense!” I mean, sure Curtis’s non-stop mooning is annoying, Greg, but at least he isn’t going to bust a vein about cheese.

Apartment 3-G, 4/3/08

“No, Lu Ann, I believe that women are parasites! And men are junkies! Those are just the core values I was brought up with!”

Actually, Alan isn’t so upset about taking a loan from a woman as he is at taking a loan from an elementary school art teacher. That’s a sign of being pretty darn hard up, that is.

Family Circus, 4/3/08

Jeffy thinks he’ll get in good with his God if he provides Him with new worshippers. IT DOESN’T COUNT IF THEY’RE INANIMATE OBJECTS, JEFFY. YOUR RUBBER DINOSAUR HAS NO SOUL TO SAVE.

Most of these toys I could vaguely buy as things you could fold up into the kneeling position, but that clown looks way too much like a living little clown homunculus. Frankly, it scares the crap out of me.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/3/08

Sure, it seems like this is a joke, but since he’s testing for syphilis, it actually could work.

Beetle Bailey, 4/3/08

It seems that knowledge of “goths” has penetrated into the Walker-Browne compound. GOD HELP US ALL.

274 responses to “A bunch o’ Thursday quickies”

  1. Old School Allie Cat
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that FC makes me want to barf(y).

  2. Joshua
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I’m disappointed that chanting Vikings made no appearance in Curtis.

  3. PeteMoss
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Godzilla kneels to no one.

  4. Anonymous
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Your wife is so permissive, what with you having a quickie with the entire internet like this. Lucky dog.

  5. CloudyFriday
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Thursdays are for Goth Girls would be a great name for a band.

  6. True Fable
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t even know goths bothered to pose for pin-ups. I thought they were busy posing, period.

  7. Kimberley Marie
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    It is a sad day indeed when one refers to what seem to be pictures of Madonna circa ‘Like A Prayer’ as “goth”.

  8. jazzmoth
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    I bet that clown has a soul to give, but not its own.

  9. DaveyK
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Unless I miss my guess, Jeffy’s God is the Open Window.

    Some might call that a subconscious sign of his desire to escape the Keane Compound. I call that a rather obvious sign of his desire to escape the Keane Compound. It’s also the first sign that Jeffy is, in fact, the only sane Keane in the place.

  10. Windier E. Megatons
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    On the bright side, that Beetle Bailey does provide probably the only place you’re likely to see a studded dog collar on the comics page on anyone but Marmaduke or Ted Forth.

  11. Peter Hillock
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    GA: Maw-ther? Maw-ther? Fine, it’s supposed to be a throwback comic, but who ever talked like that anywhere?

  12. Jordan
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    You can’t see it because it’s off-panel, but Spider-Man is actually kneeling before the TV.

  13. Steve S
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    Dude, those aren’t inanimate objects. Even worse, the monkey and the robot aren’t housebroken. And Spider-Man just sits around watching TV all day.

  14. Steve S
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Goddammit, Jordan…

  15. Frinkenstein
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    I think “Homunculus the Clown” would be an even better band name.

    And sorry Jeffy, but God has arbitrarily decided that you and your family will die in a flaming SUV crash tomorrow, while the pedophile who lives down the street lives to be 80. God’s fickle that way.

  16. Pniks
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    I kind of feel bad for Jeffy (or whichever brat that is); due to the extreme religious atmosphere in his household he has been ostracized by his peers to the point where he must find solace and friendship in toys to overcome his loneliness.

  17. True Fable
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Fable’s Bane Once upon a time in the Land of the Foobs, Lynnie Baby used to make one-panel strips. Today’s shows a quiet domestic scene about an exhausted mother (is there any other kind?) laid out in the floor slumped up against a cabinet, one hand to her head. Her cherubic little boy is wanting to do the dishes again tomorrow, and her baby girl is over to one side, playing the 1812 Overture on her pan lids.

    It wasn’t so bad today; no really it wasn’t. I mean sure, Elly must be really weak to be knocked out merely by doing the dishes with Mikey and Lizzie, but this was before the Honk-n-Flap days of Ellypalooza and she got a permanent Bitch transplant in her brain, and a license to whine.

  18. C.H.
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    True Fable: That’s may be true: A more pertinent question: Is suicide prevalent among these girls?

  19. RaJ
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Jeffy should ask the Lord for a new ass. Looks like he’s five months pregnant back there. Of course, this being Family Circus, that trunk junk is immaculate. Whatever. I can’t wait for Barfy to deliver it, then proceed to drag it around the house in his fangs.

    Love it when Alan glares out a window. It’s like all he ever does, whenever he’s not backing out of his responsibilities, sixth-grader style. You know Luann is wondering why he thinks she’s down there on the sidewalk. “Should I… take the elevator down there? To talk to him up here? I might be an airhead, but Christ this is some autistic shit.”

    Love how Beetle Bailey has discovered Suicide Girls. That is a historic mashup, on par with with Snoop Zeppellin’s “Drop it [Like it's a Whole Lotta Love].” What I mean: it’s confusing enough to be vaguely menacing, and makes me not want to talk to young people or parents.

  20. Freezair
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    If it’s Thursday, There Must Be Goth Girls!

    (Sorry; couldn’t resist.)

    And is it just me, or does Curtis’ thought-balloon there look kind of like a giant floating cheese curd in itself?

  21. Lisa
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    That’s not the Foob I saw….. hmmmm….

  22. Arglebargle
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Dad, you’re the one who’ll murder his own child over a pack of cigarettes. Don’t talk to me about cheese.

    Sly And The Family Circus: Okay, I’ma have nightmares tonight–but only because I’m going to watch Puppet Master 17: The Franchise Beings To Attract Flies And Rodents. Spidey really let himself go, didn’t he? But the one that freaks me out is the monkey-bear-thing in a hat. It’s hideous. It’s obviously a leprechaun in disguise. And why would a lep be in disguise? He’s up to no good, I tell you. There will be blood.

  23. Gordo's Cat
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Remember the old “He who dies with the most toys wins” saying? I think the message in today’s Family Circus is supposed to be, “He who dies with the most pious toys will find them waiting for him in Heaven.” Or some such nonsense to that effect…

  24. Arglebargle
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    The Franchise Begins To Attract Flies And Rodents

    “I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!!”
    –Homer J. Simpson

  25. Alt Comix
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Why does Count Morgu get all nervous and shaky when he comes over to the Morgan house? Is it June, or something else in the living room?

    And wasn’t Rex supposed to be attending some sort of public health meeting tonight with Count Morgu? What’s keeping him?

    Click here:

  26. kthnxbye
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Cheese gives me migraines. Man, I hate cheese. I am totally posting that Curtis on my fridge.

  27. bats :[
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]


    FC: ah, yes, Noah invented the first one, but now one can visit them all over the world.
    You asswipe, Billy.

    FW: woooo hoooo! Medical emergency! Just the way Baituiutiuk likes ‘em!

    JP: “We’re all family here, Sam. You’re the daddy and I’m the mommy now, so maybe we can work on that during the morning coffee break.”

    MT: hmmmm….I think that squirrel is part of the pet-napping ring, always hanging around, probably wearing a wire.

    MW: of course, Mary lives in a happy, enchanted land in which roses DON’T HAVE THORNS. Right, Mary?

    RMMD: oh, good. Maybe the dead boy’s parents can sue God. Is the medical community liable for random disease outbreaks now?

  28. Tabby Lavalamp
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    DaveyK (#9) “It’s also the first sign that Jeffy is, in fact, the only sane Keane in the place.”
    No, please no! It’s the idea that the rest of his family has driven Jeffy into dark, dark madness that makes the comic anywhere close to entertaining for me.

  29. kiril
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    What goes on inAdam @ Home? More than once the panel’s been repeated, but with different dialogue.

  30. mumbles
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    MW: okay, now this is getting unbearable. It’s not even a mutual admiration society. It’s a Mary -admiration society.

    I’m going to take AhClem’s advice from a previous thread. I’m going to imagine Mary’s lines as if spoken by Bea Arthur, and Tobey’s lines as if spoken by Fran Drescher.

  31. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Isn’t the Hootin’ Holler doctor the same guy who slices the cold cuts at the county store. That’s one job overlap where I’d draw the line.

  32. Clumpy
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Today’s Beetle Bailey doesn’t even have a punchline, except to those for whom goths, emos and, presumably, homosexuals automatically conjure laughter.

  33. Leu
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Thursdays Are For Goth Girls really ought to go on a t-shirt.

  34. jakester
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Leu, I was just about to say the same thing!

  35. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    FW: So, how long until Masky McDeath shows up? I put the over/under at 18 months; Batuik can certainly make a combo stroke/heart attack take that long to kill someone.

  36. DMZ
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: This is the highlight of this whole storyline — Bob is sent off to find Mr. Gregory a pair of “size 10″ shoes. This presents us with two possibilities:
    1. They have a whole rack of the most awful, fungus-overrun shoes worthy of the sleaziest bowling alley, without even a disinterested, minimum-wage employee spritzing them with cut-rate aerosol disinfectant, or
    2. Bob’s going to wander around, asking people with suitable shoes what size they wear until someone says “Size ten, why?” at which point Bob will punching out and steal their shoes. I hope in this case he remembers to wipe the blood off them first.

  37. BigTed
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Actually, that clown looks exactly like a 50-year-old version of Jeffy. Nice foreshadowing, Mr. Keane!

  38. Jessie
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    For some reason, the image of Spiderman down on his knees to pray cracks me up.

    Not the generic toys, y’know. Just the addition of Spiderman in there.

  39. BigTed
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Do we dare even guess what kinds of pinups Killer displays the other days of the week? I’m guessing it goes Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, Light Bondage, Women of the Military, Heavy Bondage, and Secret Telephoto Portraits of Miss Buxley.

  40. Nick!
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    C’mon, Curtis’ dad. Show some compassion for cheese. There’s enough intolerance in the world as it is.

    Indigestion jokes? Anyone? Anyone? Okay.

  41. kippetje2000
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Thursday might have been goth day, but Friday is the day we see Marmaduke’s got a boner.

    and Alt Comix makes me laff.

  42. Selesen
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    I totally third the Thursdays are for Goth Girls t-shirt.

  43. Niall
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    I’ll admit that the cheese rant made that Curtis more palatable. (And delicious. cheeeeeese…)

    Up way too late after being sick, and sick of being tired…


    A3G: */Zee zee zee zumm, zumm.. Buzz Buzz, Buzz Buzz inthe eardrums…/*

    Archie: Be happy, Daddy Lodge! Veronica just admitted that there’s no likely possibility she’ll sleep with Archie! THat has to count in the Good News column for you, yes?

    BC: Not a Win, but definitely an Amusing.

    BB: The only icon I see worth admiring is the smiley face.

    Blondie: Why is she so surprisde to see his rampant consumerism streak?

    DT: And finally Lector gets in an appropriate pun.

    F Minus: Funny.


    GF: Yup, stretched out too long again.

    HtH: More “Tales of the Cuckold”. And right behind his back too.

    H&L: Proper laternate third panel text: “BOYfriends.”

    MT: It’s the squirrel, Mark! Beware the squiiiiirelllll!!

    Big Dog: And now we have a crossover between Marmaduke and Edge City.


    MC: Another day of WIN. (And not just because it’s Ashleyday.) Norm gets a zinger in. Ashley suddenly has to briefly think of Norm in sweet ways, with a predictable reaction. And Norm gets free food. :)

    Phantom: 1) If he hasn’t seen or heard an army truck, he deserves everything he’s about to get. 2) Jungle Grit Gives The Pit!

    Pluggers: This is notable to me in that it seems to introduce a brand new, unseen-before plugger. I’m not sure which of the strip or me is more pathetic with this remark.

    SF: Well. Well well well. Well done, because I want to bash in that tray on the waiter, not on the writer. There’s a fine line walked here, to have such despicable thoughts remain with the character and not be seen as the writer’s own stance. Other strip writers should take heed.

    SFx: …can this filth be shown in family papers?? That’s below the belt! That crocodile will be singing tadpole now!

  44. Arglebargle
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy: When you’re using the same decade-plus-old gag that sucked in Mother Goose & Grimm a week ago (and frankly, sucked when it was young), you’re DOING IT WRONG.

    But I’ll forgive you, Darb, because “Sammy Hagar The Horrible!” made me titter.

  45. blase
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    MW: This latest arc will soon be printed as a mini-comic and distributed on streetcorners by Mary’s Witnesses…

  46. El Santo
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    In honor of Thursday goth girls:

    Goth Betty and Goth Veronica

  47. Mr. O'Malley
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary takes “the high road” by teaching children to steal flowers so other park visitors will not be able to enjoy them. If more people thought like Mary there wouldn’t be any flowers in the park at all. How could a simple dinner invitation cause a lifetime of bitterness?

    MT: If you’re too lazy to walk your dog, but you happen to be rich, you can hire someone to do it for you. That way you won’t be breaking any laws. Plot complete.

    FBOFW: A very interesting thing about today’s strip is the ratio between the size of Elly’s head and her height, which is about 1:6. Compare FW at 1:4 and JP and the modern FBOFW at 1:5. (Leave Peanuts and Miss Peach out of it, I’m talking about the “realistic” strips.) Leonardo’s famous drawing (discussed re BC a couple of days ago) is also about 1:6. (I didn’t try that hard to be accurate, but I did it the same way every time.)

    The actual ratio for a typical adult is 1:8. (Of course you wouldn’t do this in a cartoon, you wouldn’t see the face clearly enough.)

    I’m not sure I have the stomach to do additional research in this field. (For one thing, you have to search through a lot of strips to find those that show a full-length drawing at eye level.) So I can’t tell you whether this is characteristic of early FBOFW or just an exaggeration of the legs in this particular panel.

    As you may know if you watched that documentary that was posted a few weeks ago, Lynn Johnston works a lot from models, of which she has quite a collection. I must admit that she does a good job of keeping things realistically sized.

    Even in this early example, notice the perspective on the drawers on the right. The only thing I would fault is the stool. It doesn’t seem to have its feet on the floor.

    So I’m wondering if, in the spirit of GmG, if I could mentally erase all the balloons from this strip, I might like it a lot better. (As opposed to MW, where erasing all the balloons would just give you more time to get annoyed at the lack of consistent proportion.)

    You could call it Better Without Words.

  48. Jim Doyle
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Curtis’ dad has made himself an enemy of the state of Wisconsin. Arrest on sight.

  49. Mr. O'Malley
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    40. Nick! Actually there was an entire comic strip just on that one subject—Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend. One of the most imaginative comic strips ever published, and a big influence on some well-known movies.

    You can find more information in the usual place, but look on YouTube as well, because it was also done as an animation.

  50. RyanE
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Curtis’ dad is a bit Cheesed Off. About Cheese.

    I have no response to that.

  51. True Fable
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    A3G Oh boy, next week we’ll have a round of Alan’s Triangle of Angst and Betrayal! Unless, of course, it is watered down as usual. And by that I mean, we inexplicably jump to Tommie and the Doctor, Part 3.
    Cathy (Must Die!) Of COURSE your Earth Shoes gave you a blister, sister: they are probably the only healthy thing your body has seen since the doctor determined your APGAR score.
    FC And here I always thought Noah invented the first floating crap game.
    FW It’s not a Batuik without a tragedy! Gear up, everyone! The Next Deathwatch is at hand!
    (TCSFKA)GT …a backbone attached to a size 12 shoe up your ass, huh Ray?
    Scenes from Suburban Hell Geez, will you just Stop with the Texting jokes now?!? YES, it’s a Modern Reference! Shit, move along!
    JP “Well, no, Steve; he just thought you might be able to read the little “fruit of the loom” label for a while until you’re over your damn mope.”
    Luann I would ask why TJ isn’t this interested in getting HIMSELF a date, but then I remember, oh yeah… TJ’s into Brad. If he could.
    Marmadick Honey, you’d better hope the answer is YES; otherwise Yao Ming is in big trouble.
    MW TOBEY! You don’t think that Meddling in other people’s lives isn’t the result of a bitter and vindictive person? Come here, baby; I have some swamp land you ought to buy.
    MC SCORE!!!!! All right, Norm!
    Phantom She means utilize that little known Jungle Patrol move, “Arm Pit Attack”.
    RMMD June suddenly realized Rex had no idea that his natural enemy was a Lawyer with a young boy’s family for clients.

  52. el seattle
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Didn’t Hedley Lamarr once say something like, “I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists…. and cheese, too. Cheese! Cheese! Cheese!”…?

  53. Emily
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    Glancing between the first and second panels of apt 3G, I have to wonder–did Alan violently slam the window shut mid-sentence? Or has the couple wandered from an open window to a closed one, which is flanked by identical drapes? Does apartment 3G need a script supervisor?

  54. kippetje2000
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    A3-G(ee whizz): Hey, Alan. Answer the door. It’s your weed come callin’.

  55. Mr. O'Malley
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Having talked up DotRF in 49, I started wondering what other strips would be included in the list of “most imaginative strips”. Of course, not all strips really try to emphasize imagination over everything else. And I’m talking about a certain amount of continuity (not joke-a-days like Bizarro or Rhymes with Orange).

    So not Doonesbury, because it tries to reflect our image back at ourselves, or Steve Canyon, because that’s about adventure. I wouldn’t say Peanuts, because the best strips are about psychology. Let’s also omit those cleverly executed personality portraits.

    Which strips really revel in unleashing the full power of human imagination?

    I would give two entries to Winsor McCay, with Little Nemo in Slumberland as well. Of course Krazy Kat, which shows you can do it with a limited cast.

    Calvin and Hobbes naturally. I’d propose Barnaby as a special favorite of mine. And Lio in more modern times. These three are in the same general territory (“imagination of a child”).

    Pogo and Bloom County sometimes, but they spent a lot of time on politics.

    Possibly Smokey Stover, but to be honest I haven’t had the opportunity to read that many of them.

    The ones I’ve picked are typical critics’ favorites (probably for a good reason), but I wonder what others people might suggest.

    Some examples of the quality I’m thinking about in other art-forms: L. Frank Baum, Tove Jansson, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Stanislaw Lem, The Goon Show, Monty Python. Many more could be added. Why is it easier to find examples in other media? Because newspapers are innately conservative? Hmm…

    Any other candidates?

  56. dale
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp
    The strip started around 1958 with a target audience of (young?) teenagers.
    The target mentality level hasn’t changed.
    I finally realized that the simple happy story endings are no different than in the books about high school sports that were in my junior HS library around 1960/61. I could start one when the Language Arts class was taken to the library (much better than the classroom activity, in spite of the librarian) and finish the thing in one sitting when I got home.

  57. athena
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Maybe I’m showing my unhipness, but I think GF has been great this week. “O.J. and the Simpsons”–c’mon, that’s funny!

    I’m probably also showing my thickness my admitting that I still don’t know what spurred MW’s childhood epiphany: being invited to someone’s house for dinner? managing to wrangle a repeat invite? Is the flashback setting us up to meet the grown-up Cathy, who unlike St Mary did not take the “high road” but is now bitter and twisted–a cosmic comics version of Mary’s evil twin, who might actually make the strip worth reading again?

  58. Mr. Nice Guy
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    #22: “Franchise Beings” is a perfectly cromulent phrase.

  59. ezanee
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Awesome post, Josh! I enjoyed this one. Might be because the source material is more provocative today, who knows. Anyway, I just can’t believe how naive/dumb the Family Circus kids are! My goodness. Making fun of them is beyond booing at the special olympics. And yes, the clown is creepy as heck.

  60. Mr. O'Malley
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    52. el seattle

    Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
    Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

    53. Emily. Yes, a lot of these strips need a script supervisor. Unfortunately I don’t think they have the budget for one. You’d think they would storyboard a few months at a time, do some models of commonly used locations, etc.

    But instead they usually say—how many readers are going to notice that the position of the furniture has changed from one panel to another? (Probably just the CCers, as many examples have shown.)

    54. kippetje2000. If it’s Haley, I presume she wouldn’t knock, she’d just waltz right in saying “Look at the great deal I scored on some Nangarhar white with that money you gave me, Alan!”

    I haven’t quite got the concept here. Alan has a studio in Manhattan, an area that’s so expensive that anyone with a typical white-collar job there has to face a three-hour one-way commute from where they can afford to live.

    Alan went away for a while, letting LuAnn use his studio, but she actually has a shared apartment as well. (And some time in the past the 3Girls became owners of their building? No wonder she could give him a loan, plus her flower paintings are flying off the shelf.)

    Alan is back, now living in his studio, which has (as far as we know) a bed and a microwave. Plus Haley has been staying with him since New Year’s Eve. Luann is not painting now, she’s in sales mode? (Shortage of carbon monoxide?).

    Who could be knocking on the door? Given the limited cast…
    –Beatnik Jones, with a new shipment of prescription pharmaceuticals.
    –Haley, who already saw LuAnn through the window. “Hi there! Nice to meet you! I just dropped by to pick up some clean underwear!”
    –A cop. Too early, we should see Alan’s awkward attempt to peddle dope first.

    57. athena. Re GF. There have been some good ones. That one is the only one I can’t quite visualize in Photoshop. Maybe if you substituted Juice Newton.

    (I can’t do that substitution because my wife would quickly point out that the original—and better—version of that song was by Merrilee Rush & The Turnabouts, who played at her senior prom.)

    58. Mr. Nice Guy. Not to mention a great name for a band.

  61. DJTennessee
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    That Beetle Bailey comic is really quite hilarious if you just remove the word “goth”.

  62. Mr. O'Malley
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:07 am [Reply]


    i am finished with this. i have some very cool things going on in my life and this geeky shit is not conducive to those things blossoming and taking over. so adios and ciao.i will no longer be posting.

  63. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    Beetle: [rifling through file cabinet]
    Beetle: “!” [cap flies off head in traditional expression of comic shock]
    Killer: [looking over his shoulder] “Oh, yeah. And those are for Furry Friday.”

  64. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:09 am [Reply]

    There was a fine fellow of Princeton
    Whose parents presumptively minced in
    And found his amour
    Had a whiff of manure
    From the feculent farm pit she rinsed in

  65. ScienceGiant
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    FC: I know this is just me, but I’m more than slightly freaked that Jeffy has Spider-Man praying. First, how does Marvel comics feel about have one of its marquee players showing up in another strip? If its acceptable with Stan Leff, then I guess anything goes in a -Ted-Forth-wants-a-hooker-courtesy-Pearls-Before-Swine sort of way.

    But recently Marvel comics had Spider-Man sell a majority interest in his soul to bring his Aunt May back from death, at the cost of his marriage. Is this a not so subtle attempt to turn Peter Parker into an evangelical?

    Speaking of beingGod-damned
    Hagar: Are you fucking kidding me? Three panels of Hagar walking towards a bag of trash AND IT REQUIRED ARROWS SO I COULD FOLLOW THE “ACTION???”

  66. kippetje2000
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    Buzz Buzz! That should be Alan’s new ring tone cause he’s always high, right, get it? “ Hey, Alan, Dave’s not here man.”

  67. gleeb
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’s that damned door-to-door production of Hamlet! Why can’t they leave us alone?

    Between Friends: Thank your lucky stars you’re not in Jump Start, kid.

    Thorp: And that was the last time Big Ray ever spoke to Andrew.

    Steve Shannon, shark: You don’t want to be curt with the legal secretary, Steve. You’ll never get your mail.

    Zippy: Well, this is better than Zippy. That table has two of its legs crossed in front of it. Hee hee.

  68. Carly
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    I find the cheese rant pretty funny, too. Possibly because right now I’m in a country where I can find NO CHEESE WHATSOEVER AUGH

    Also, today’s F Minus was pretty funny. Although is a vegetarian venus fly trap technically a cannibal?

  69. Pozzo
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    Shouldn’t Loweezy be rolling her eyes or something in panel two? She seems to be WAY too happy at the prospect of being bled at the menfolks’ whim.

    Also, the presence of a praying dinosaur in FC brings up issues I’d just as soon not discuss.

  70. Pozzo
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    “Please, God, let my spider-sense work consistently. Amen.”

  71. man behind the curtain
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    A3G — “Share everything. Does that include sharing my girlfriend Haley for a three-way?”

  72. Electro
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    And then after Jeffy and all the other Keanes went to sleep, the little clown-man, who had been masquerading as one of Jeffy’s toys, murdered them one by one in their sleep, proving yet again that the lord works in mysterious ways. The end.

  73. Calico
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    #21 – I had the same phnomenon occur earlier Thursday.
    I think the Corbeil, ONT Pool Party has gone on maybe just a little too long this time.

    #26 – The sharper or stronger the cheese, the more likely it will affect your head. Cheese is not good for folks with sinus problems, too.

    FW – Yep, here we go…more misery, illness, and medical bills. Only I thought it would be Funky on the floor.

    MW – A new warning/all points bulletin has been posted on the Charterstone message boards, telling parents to keep their little ones away from the weird scarf-wearing lady who wanders around, mumbling to herself in platitudes, towing an emotional sherpa in a running suit with an oversized cameltoe, who taunts little children endlessly.

    God, Mary, if more people thought the way you do, the World’s population would eventually decrease by 50%, due to mass cult suicides perpetuated by chronic meddling.

  74. Calico
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    #71 – …”or the clap and cold sores I got the other night?”

  75. dimestore lipstick
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    In the interest of saying something nice once in a while…

    This is why Josh is so seriously awesome.

    For the record, though–I agree with Greg. I love cheese as much as anyone, but I’m not wild about the ubiquity of it these days.I’d like to go back to the days when the default was NO cheese, and you had to opt in.

    Luann: I can’t help wondering–are those…things…supposed to be TJ’s teeth, or his lips? Frankly the options are equally disturbing. And is it me, or is the “hands on hips” posture of the last couple of days just a bit much? He’ll be calling Brad “girlfriend” next.

  76. Whippersnapper
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    MW: I’ve gone through the hardship of reading this story arc, and I am definitely not taking the high road. I’m going to be bitter and angry about it forever. I’m planning on taking it out on everyone I see today.

  77. AtomicDog of The Cryptozoological Patrol
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    MT – Is that a Dropbear? Look out, below!

  78. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    The Curtis rant is behind the times. The annoyingly omnipresent preciously-hip food item is now (make a note in your moleskine): bacon. Please advise your tedious trend-happy acquaintances so they can begin boring you to tears with endless bacon-related crap immediately if they have not already done so.

  79. Brick Bradford
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    DT So the elite SWAT team can’t get in the Lector mansion because THE DOORS ARE LOCKED! Gee, imagine the carnage that might ensue if other criminals got wise to the technique of LOCKING THEIR DOORS when the cops come around.
    It’s a shame the SWAT teams don’t have something like, oh, I don’t know, WEAPONS to deal with locked doors and the like.

    Maybe somebody at the crime lab could invent the battering ram.

  80. Buck Ripsnort
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Hell, Dimestore, I agree w/ Curtis’ dad too. After seeing those gawdawful “cheezy melt” commercials– that’s gotta be what drove dad over the edge– I’m not lactose-intolerant, but I’m becoming lactose-irritable.

    BB: THOSE AREN’T GOTHS! Where’s the tattoos, the fake bisexuality, the slightly runny makeup? I call shennanagins!

  81. Calico
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    Curtis’ Dad needs to include Mary Worth in his cheese-rant. It’s only right.
    Plus Elly Flapperfoob’s casserole.

  82. dimestore lipstick
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    bats :[ @27:
    MW: of course, Mary lives in a happy, enchanted land in which roses DON’T HAVE THORNS. Right, Mary?

    Funnily enough, Mary appears to be holding a Sterling Silver rose. It does happen to be a “thornless” variety. (How’d they swing that with the color monkeys?)

  83. AtomicDog of The Patent Patrol
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    79 Brick Bradford:
    “Maybe somebody at the crime lab could invent the battering ram.”

    Paging Clyde Crashcup!

  84. C. Havoc
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    RMMD/House Shoudn’t there be a more compassionate expression than “The dead boy”? June keeps refering to “The dead boy” and “The dead boy’s Parents” with less emotional connection than actual humans attach to a flat tire.

    Even for June, it’s creeping me out.

  85. Hawkeye
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    I see Killer had posters made of Miss Buxley in her college days.

  86. John C Fremont
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    # 60 – It’s amazing how often that “twenty dollar whore” line comes in handy. For me, it’s pretty much daily.

    MW – Okay, just stop! In the name of your “higher power,” just STOP IT!! Capisce?


    RMMD – “A lawyer? Does he have both of his legs?”

    JP – “Briefs, huh? Oh, well, let’s see. MRSA? Hmm…”

  87. Abbey the Wonderdog
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    My god, their kid died and they might want to get to the bottom of the case.

    They want to know just what happened and what their rights are.

    But getting a LAWYER envolved?

    That is scary.

    All they have to do is sit down with Rex and have him explain away things, right after they sign a waver.


  88. anonymous
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy: OK, enough of this. It’s getting tiresome, welding two names together. It’s a good idea which isn’t really working out. I’m afraid Darby C. is running out of ideas, we’ve seen this kind of thing done before, and better…. Brother Fluff last week, exorcising the litter box, was comedy gold! The GF family needs more visitors. And weasels…My favorite GF strips involve Bucky Katt wrassled into the baby carrier and taken somewhere, and him mouthing off vitriol. They should take a vacation somewhere, where Bucky can really let loose. How about …. France!

  89. anonymous
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    GF: Rob needs to bring in a bird. A fish. A hamster in a wheel. So Bucky can insult it (NO, NOT EAT IT – try to, maybe, and be thwarted.) Satchel needs to meet more friends at the dog park.

  90. Rizbon
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    The Goth girl is clearly Miss Buxley in a wig. I suppose posing for a variety of pin-up photos is part of her job description.

  91. Snuffy Smith
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    I enjoy the “I’m too lazy and/or cowardly to actually ask Toho for permission to draw Godzilla, so I’ll just draw his ass” post in the Family Circus up there.

    Of course, if Keane would actually watch a Godzilla movie, he’d realize that Godzilla is grey, not green.

  92. man behind the curtain
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    RMMD — The imfamous Doctor vs. Lawyer smackdown. This should emcompass the entire arc of national health, tort reform, and public health. Not to mention June’s breasts.

  93. Old School Allie Cat
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    MW – I’m glad to see Mary’s taking the high road. As it so happens, Aldo Kelrast alsotook the high road… swerved right off of it and died in a fiery crash.

    Was that the high road you’re thinking of, Mary?

  94. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]


    A3G: Alan is annoyed that someone is interrupting the standing nap he was about to take.

    Luann: You know the saying, show don’t tell? Well, TJ’s definitely not going to be satisfied with Brad telling him about the kiss. You’ve got to show him the mouth magic.

    MF: You’re getting into a lather at an entirely imaginary offense. You know the pimply 15 year old who introduces himself as an eighth level barbarian fighter? He’s more in touch with reality than you are.

    MC: Much as I love Ashley, it’s nice to see Norm get the last laugh now and then.

    9CL: Since when is “cellist” a public office?

    OBH: Ruthie’s not even the biggest problem child in her class. At least she’s not vandalizing cars on the way in.

    DT: “You don’t horse around”? Better, slightly, as villain patter goes.

    GA: Oh for… Amanda Lynn may not be as betittied as her sister, but she can’t really pass for a boy.

    MW: Aldo’s ghost, of course, laughs hysterically at the mention of a “high road.”

    GT: “I’ll be helping overthrow another elected government, so you kids are on your own.”

    Momma: Francis can sometimes hold onto a waitering job for ten days, and Sonia sees him leading a Fortune 500 company? Where did this delusional optimism come from?

    Preteena: Did you know there was a clean limerick involving the city of Nantucket? I sure didn’t.

    SFx: Dat most helpless croc me seen dis week.

    Blondie: Now that Dagwood is stealing material from George Carlin, I look forward to his tear on the seven words you can’t say on TV.

    BSt: Uh-oh. It looks like the practice of dog pimping has even spread to the Ballard Street retirement conclave.

    Phantom: “I’m telling you to raise your armpit at them, girlfriend! You got somethin’ funky growing there!”

  95. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    (WT)DT: The cops haven’t heard from Tracy in a while, and the SWAT team is locked out? Damn! If only the police had some kind of specialized unit trained in breaking down doors and assaulting buildings! Maybe one trained in Special Weapons And Tactics!

    GA: The fact that the snooty family’s surname, Kleeb, is an anagram for Bleek, leads me to believe that the tale about to unwind before us will be a Dickensian allegory, a scathing condemnation of the pre-reform British judiciary system in the mid-19th century, and a criticism of impersonal philanthropy at the expense of family responsibility. Either that, or maybe something about how stupid city folks are.

    GF: Forget it, Bucky. I think Gil Thorp has already proven that comics and sports don’t mix.

    (A3)GT: Speaking of which, I don’t know whether to be thrilled or suicidal that we’re due for at least four more months of spitcurl boy here.

    H&J: Too bad. Uhuru’s going to go write “In life, there are some questions that have no answers” on her math homework now.

    JP: The subtext here is dirty in so many ways I can’t decide which way is dirtier. I think it has something to do with “briefs,” though.

    MW: I’m distracted from Mary’s continuing festival of self-adulation by this mystery: Why is Dr. Drew back from Vietnam and sitting on that bench with Dawn Weston?

    MC: Ed Power gets a lot of praise here, but today, props go to Melissa DeJesus for the expression on Ashley’s face and the fry captured in mid-drop in panel 2.

    OBH: Am I the only one who thought that what the kid fished out of his bag in panel 2 was an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time?

    PC: This is, by far, the kinkiest strip on the comics page. Even Brenda Starr never got into waterboarding and bestiality.

    PreTeena and SL: Two strips about limericks in one day? I’m surprised FC didn’t maie it a trifecta.

    S-M: Damn, The Persuader isn’t dead. Kind of ruins the whole redemption-by-self-sacrifice schtick, doesn’t it? Meanwhile, Krandis dashes for his solid stainless-steel DeLorean, planning to escape by flying it through that second-story casement window.

    ZtP: Fletcher totally just got laid.

  96. blerg
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    BB: Now that they’ve introduced goths, I can’t wait for the strip where Sarge kicks Beetle’s ass for being “too emo.”

  97. Weaselboy
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    I was looking at a Mary Poppins movie poster yesterday, and I think I found the origin of the Funky Winkerbean Smirk:

  98. bats :[
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    86. John C Fremont: hmm, maybe Rex and Sam can get away for a ‘weekend fishing trip’ and hammer out some of these legal details…
    (You had your chance, Niki.)
    (At least June and the Count wouldn’t be conscripted to some dark, cramped supply closet.)

  99. Galuaboy
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MT: When I first read Friday’s second panel, I thought that both the second and third speech balloons were included in it. Which made the third panel look like a silent still life where the dog/bear thing had called its owner, Mark, and Nutsy McSquirrel to a very important meeting. That or it’s a Charterstone Pool Party crossover.

  100. bobtheenchantedone
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Just trying to imagine what Spidy would pray for. “May my webs always be working, and bless me so I may catch all the baddies before they wreak too much havoc. Amen.”

  101. Dr. Pants
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I’ll be honest, it took me two reading to figure out that Curtis was day-dreaming about Michelle. I thought that was like an old-timey sepia photo of his great-grandmother when she was a girl and that Curtis’ dad’s apopleptic fit about cheese was actually rocking the house so much that it was falling off the wall behind them.

  102. srah
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    #5 Cloudy Friday:

    If Thursdays are for Goth Girls is going to be a band, their first single really needs to incorporate the lyrics “So you think I’m ugly? What’s really ugly is you for not knowing the world is spinning into degradation.”

  103. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    #96 blerg,
    I like that. It would be a new twist/kink.

    Crock: I know they needed the space for that laborious punchline, but doesn’t it look like Captain Preppie recoils at the touch of female? Maybe he’s ready for a Camp Swampy transfer. His chin-ticles should go over well.

  104. Hal Jordan
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois Finger Quotin’ Lois is begging for a Photoshop treatment (any takers? Bats :[ ?) That last panel could read “Friends with benefits!” or even more succinctly, “Blowjobs!”

  105. Calico
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    #92 – I don’t think it will be necessary for June to be engaged in Tit Reform, though-at least for now.

    #87 – So how’s the baby sittin’ going? I hope you’re having an easier time than Farley ever did.


  106. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Has the Boondocks started making new comics again, or is it just coincidence that the last two seem to relate well to the primaries? Yesterday, the grandpa wanted to change his vote to be for the basket ball player (Obama, right? Although, I can’t see him as a Clinton backer.) and today he talks again about having to make an important decision.

    Or do the primaries just never change from election cycle to election cycle? That’s kind of depressing. All the comics could just repeat every four years and they might all seem topical. Curtis already does this, but is on a one-year cycle. H&J is designed for this, but nobody but Josh reads it, so who knows if they do it or not.

  107. Spike
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    82 dimestore lipstick: ” (How’d they swing that with the color monkeys?)”

    Probably the same way the monkeys have been messing with MW’s slacks: Salmon one day, bluejeans another.

  108. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-basher
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    BB: I’d like to see Miss Buxley do a goth look for a while.

    FOOB: God only knows what new vomit-spewing horrors await once this current drove of recycled strips is finished.

  109. Hugin
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    DT: Panel 2: Huh? The door is locked, so now the swat team is helpless? There’s no way these crack cops can get into a house with a locked door?

    MW: Is there a comic writers strike that I don’t know about? Because MW has been running the same dialogue for about 2 weeks now.

    GF: This series of strips was actually funny for a few days. We all knew it would end someday. Today was that day. Ugh.

    GT: What? That’s it? We don’t even get to see stilted awkward drawings that are supposed to depict the ass-whuppin’ of Mr. G? That’s an even bigger disappointment than his entire personality changing from one day to the next.

  110. Revenge of Chesnut
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    That third pin-up picture says less “goth” to me, and more “S&M choking fetish.” There might as well be a leash coming out of that collar. And I’m not trying to be clever, either, I just think she looks like she’s struggling for breath. I should probably note, however, that I am far too prudish/at work to google this and see if I’m even on the right track as far as real-life fetishes go.

  111. indrifan
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    104 Hal Jordan: Yeah, my first thought on seeing H&L was “hook-ups”. I looked up text mates on the google and it looks more like the equivalent of pen-pal.

  112. gkl
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    GA: I’m gonna side with the Kleebs here. Amanda Lynn really looks like a boy. Maybe Sturdivant is actually gay and this whole plotline is just the fallout from when he missed by one gender.

    GT: That’s how this ends? There’s arson, there’s child neglect, there’s stalking, there’s unbridled arrogance, there’s creepy teenage sexual tension, there’s a call to social services, there’s a Shakespearean overthrow-your-father thing, but you end this plotline with dishes and vertebrae? I’m sorry, Gil Thorp, but **** you. **** you in the face.

    MT: Oh look. Another squirrel. Ooh, squirrels. Yeah. Squirrels, man. Squirrels. Man. Man, Jack Elrod sure loves drawing squirrels. Squirrels. Squirrels squirrels squirrels. Everyone loves squirrels. You know what this world needs? More squirrels. I’m voting for a squirrel for president. Squirrel squirrel squirrel.

  113. Widdle Jeffy
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    First floating zoo?

    Did I miss something on the Discovery Channel?

    How many floating zoos are there out there now?

    Ok, I bet Japan has some high-tech zoo with floating monkeys and such, but that doesn’t count.

    Jokes are funny (or even remotely funny) if there is a grain of truth to them.

  114. Kevin Moore
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    More disturbing is the thought of Walker or Browne subscribing to Suicide Girls, trolling for fresh, young goth porn.

    April 4th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tempting to predict that the buzz-buzz foreshadows the appearance of Jones, happiest drug pusher ever! But I’m thinking it is probably just the cops — Alan did supposedly sell drugs himself ages (read: days) ago and the comic gods must punish such behavior.

  116. SpiffBereft
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    #100 – “Dear God, More power, less responsibility. Your Friend, Spiderman”

  117. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    #55 Mr O’Malley
    Tove Jansson’s Moomin began as a comic, actually. The series has recently been reprinted in book form. It starts out with a parentless Moomintroll (his parents show up later) allowing his house to be taken over by legions of distant relations, who all look like little ghosts. It’s pretty trippy.

  118. Deena in OR
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]


    If I’m not wrong, I think that the creature in the blue hat is actually Papa Berenstein Bear. Anybody else think so??

  119. Rusty
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: At first glance I thought it was the baby on the table. And again I wonder how Snuffy and his wife can manage gettin’ busy due to their size discrepancies.

  120. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Josh, you are right that the clown in FC is creepy, but for my money, the really off-kilter part of the picture is that teddy bear. Unfolded, that teddy bear’s legs would be as long as its whole body. Where do you get a teddy bear like that? Unless it’s some special teddy-prays-a-lot model, which, you know, must exist out there somewhere.

  121. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Damn. Never thought I’d feel sorry for Leroy Lockhorn. :)

  122. Flipper
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    65 ScienceGiant: I think those giant arrows are actually on the wall, painted by Hägar’s wife to lead him to the garbage. Hägar’s head bobbles in panel 1 because he’s surprised to see the first one, though he’s not making eye contact because he’s always drawn looking up.

    The strip may have worked better as one panel, with a line of arrows leading up to Hägar standing by the garbage can, and possibly a paint can and brush nearby.

  123. Islamorada Girl
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Death to Gil Thorp! Death! Death! Death! Being raised by wolves or even Marty Moon would be better than Big Al, the cover boy for Bad Parenting Magazine. Death, I tells ya! Death! Thank you.

  124. Hank
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    RE: Snuffy Smith. Ironically (and Josh you might be interested in this as I think you’re an alum), it appears that syphillis IS spreading, but not among hillbillies. Instead, the outbreak is occurring in places like Ithaca, New York, “the most enlightened city in America,” and home to Ivy League Cornell University.

    RE: Archie. Mr Lodge seems to be implying that the only way for Archie to realize any potential would be some sort of accident like you might see in a Marvel Comics superhero origin. I guess he’s never read “Spiderman,” or he’d know that superpowers no longer mean great responsibility…or even less TV viewing.

    RE: Funky Winkerbean. This is the only ‘humor’ strip where a character exclaiming they are having a simultaneous heart attack and stroke might not be a punchline but a new storyline

    RE: Judge Parker. Gloria telling Steve “we’re family” after throwing herself at him for several months worth of strips can only mean she thinks he’s into incest. Given the appearance of his mother, god, I hope not.

    RE: Spiderman. You know, Spidey, it’s not at all heroic to stand around and chat with a hot chick (even it’s your wife) while a man dies at your feet. And since when are there windows in secret underground caves?

  125. Laura c
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #99 – I thought the same thing about MT, except I took the last panel as a comics attempt to render one of those awkward moments of silence that sometimes fall in a conversation.
    Rich lady: …She said she’d call me back.
    Mark: Gee, you have a lovely backyard. Is that a heated pool?

  126. Krazy Kat
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    I gotta stack cheese!

  127. lizo
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Hey, T.J.? The 80s called. They want Biff Tannon back. Also their vest and white t-shirt, their Jheri curl, and this plotline. Thanks!

  128. Krazy Kat
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    More information about cheese can be found on the Internet

  129. Professor Fate
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    mmmm Cheese.

    FW: If you’re going to have that heart attack best to go down stairs – if we have to carry you down it’ll be the cowboy way and well turst me you won’t want that.

    MW: Here small child – tear the pedals off of this flower and scatter them in front of me while I walk and listen to people praise me. If you don’t i’ll meddle your parents into the cornfield.

  130. Sugar and Spike
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    canniblargle eatumuppum yummeryummers*

    * Garfield: And here’s Jon wearing a little something from the Ed Gein spring collection.

  131. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: This one was too easy.

  132. Foobar
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    If this thing in Beetle Bailey becomes a trend I propose we organize a protest.

  133. Paul1963
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I wonder how Jeffy amassed so many toys that could be worked into that exact pose. My recollection is that most of my action figures and such weren’t quite that flexible. Certainly, the Mego super-hero figures weren’t.

    I once imagined a character from “the city” trying to describe Snuffy Smith’s family situation without the cornpone accent:
    “So, the subject is one Jefferson Davis Smith, aka ‘Snuffy.’ He lives in a tumbledown shack near a town called ‘Hooting Hollow,’ in the Ozarks. Also living there are his wife, Louise, their nephew, Beauregard, aka ‘Jughead,’ and an infant son whose name is, as far as we can determine, ‘Potato.’”
    In the strip, they’re “Hootin’ Holler,” “Loweezy,” “Jughaid” and “Tater.”

  134. bats :[
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    104. Hal Jordan and 111. indrifan: heck, I just go for the obvious.

    131. Dean_Booth: but there’s no shot like a cheap shot! :)

  135. Calico
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    #126 & 128 – Cheesy Poofs for Everyone!

  136. Galuaboy
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #129. Your take on MW. Thanks a lot . . . I’m currently cleaning coffee off my screen.

  137. WillieO
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    The funniest part about about family circus is that Jeffy is obviouslu forming a fundamentalist cult for toys. This with only end with one thing: Jihad. Dolly’s malibu barbie beach house will be the first target, as it is a sign of degrading decadence.

  138. Shlomo
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    The Spiderman in Family Circus is probably praying that there should be something good on TV tonight, or he might actually have to sleep with his wife.

  139. J Shiggity
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    …and tell the milkman – NO MORE CHEESE!!!

  140. Muffaroo
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    BB – Betty Boop was a goth chick? Now I understand those classic cartoons, BETTY BOOP IN “DEATH, SWEET DEATH” and BETTY BOOP MEETS OLD MAN CTHULHU.

  141. Gabe
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    You know, one thing I liked as a kid in Family Circus were the lovingly detailed toys Bil would sometimes draw strewn around the house. They were often real toys (presumably owned by his grandchildren) and he drew them with great detail. Being a transformer geek, I was in love when I’d see a superbly drawn Omega Supreme or Jetfire in the background.

    So yeah, the trademarked Spider-Man appearing as a toy isn’t without precedent. And several somones beat me to the praying to the TV set joke. Dammit.

  142. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-basher
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    This fine commercial interruption brough to you by CHEESE……

  143. Tony
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Looking at the Family Circus comic here, I wonder if it’s a coincidence that this article appeared on Slate’s site about Webkins:

    The first line of the article: “Do stuffed animals have souls?” All they’d need to do is ask Jeffy! (That is Jeffy, isn’t it? All those oval-headed kids look the same to me…)

  144. Rebochan
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Josh, I’m sad you made no comments on the Spider-Man doll. The comic book geek in me is just begging for a crack about One More Day (because *that* hasn’t been done to death yet!)

  145. Batman Beatles
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    FC – Spiderman is saying: Dear God, say “Hi!” to Uncle Ben for me and ask him for the billionth time to forgive me.

  146. Girl Reporter
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Blessed are the cheesemakers?! What’s so special about the cheeeeeeesemakers?!

  147. sally
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    In the newspaper B&W version in my paper, the dolls all looked like outlines, like the Grandpa Ghost. I assumed Jeffy had killed them all.

  148. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    42 Bats:[, proof of your squirrel-dognappers connection theory can be found in today’s Sheldon

    55 Mr. O’Malley, the few of us who are apparently still reading Over the Hedge treasure it for its consistent verbal imaginativeness, as well as its occasional artistic flights of lunacy.

  149. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Bats;[ should have been re: 27

  150. Gal Friday
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: Okay, please, I give up! Go back to meddling, I beg you! I’ll never snark again just so you make the “why I’m inspired to meddle” talking go away. Make it stop!!!!

  151. anonymous
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Momma: Poor Momma, daydreaming again!

    My favorites in the past: she and Francis meet up with her friend who gushes about her son’s new girlfriend: “she’s beautiful, intelligent, runs a successful business, kind, cultured, a wonderful human being!” Momma speaks to us, wearily: “MY son goes out with a ‘dynamite chick’!”…..another: Francis, fed up, storms out of Momma’s house, yelling “I need SPACE. Momma. I’m leaving, I NEED SPACE!” Momma speaks to us, hopefully: “Does that mean he’s looking for an office?”

  152. Zaq
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    123 I-Girl: I read that, and all I could think was, “I like Gil Thorp! Guess that puts us in CONFLICT!” (Which is more or less true!)

    FW: See, in most strips, people would assume that this was some kind of joke.

    Sally: It’s nice to see a happy lesbian couple on the comics page, but the joke’s getting stale.

    MW: Why would you emphasize “EXPERIENCE” like that? Makes me think that “experience” is actually code for the JUNGLE PATROL.

    Luann: Brad, you’re being a jackass! Don’t be that guy who brags about how much action he got last night!

    C’shaft: I was going to make a rant about how little sense this makes, but on reconsideration, I think that I like this BC-style nonsense better than the usual smirky “humor.”

    GF: No Gil Thorp jokes, Conley? I’m disappointed.

    Gil Thorp: The thing I like about this is that this apparently took place rather significantly after Gil confronted Big Ray. Andrew’s doing the dishes from the girls’ taco casserole, Big Ray’s reading PAPER, and suddenly he decides to randomly compliment Gil. Love it. (Hear me, I-Girl? CONFLICT! JUNGLE PATROL style! Which, incidentally, means nothing will actually happen, but that’s cool.)

  153. Clownbarber
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    The though of a man who’s been a private since the Korean War furiously, uh….”fantasizing” to pinups of “goth girls” in the barracks late every Thursday night….well, that’s gonna ruin my REM sleep for a spell. Good thing for Killer “Wildroot Cream Oil” has plenty of lanolin…………

  154. Poteet
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    # 27 bats — Thanks for saying it so well re RMMD. And I see no reason for June to look so horrified unless the dead kid had been cleaning her garage.

  155. Poteet
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    MW — I’m certain that Moy and Giella are giggling gleefully, knowing that the pontificating is going to continue for at least one and probably two more days, causing even more readers to writhe in agony. Well, nuts to that! You can’t stop me, Moy and Giella! I’m going to keep reading MW anyway! So there!!

    Wait a minute…

  156. Clownbarber
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    And by the way, Jeffy, doesn’t the Bible forbid the use of “graven images” in worship? You are SUCH a fracking idolater.

  157. ScienceGiant
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    122 Flipper: Thanks. I can honestly say that thanks to shoddy artwork in HtH, your interpretation did not occur to me. I’m starting to think that “artists” should be required to have image tags when the strip is posted online to explain WTF is going on. They could even make them humorous, such as xkcd or Polite Dissent does. (Hmm, funny strips. I must remember that…)

  158. Josh
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    #124 Hank — Technically, the story just says that the outbreak is in Tompkins County (which Ithaca is within). Believe me, there’s a lot of hillbilly in Tomkins County.


  159. Funky smelling crankshafted corpse
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    FW: Giving the phrase “Funny as a heart attack” a whole new meaning!


    GA: Come to think of it, she does look like a boy….Kleeb is a pedo?

    GF: I’m actually finding this amusing. I want to see how far he goes with it.

    SF: Ted is so getting some tonite. Don’t blame the waiter for his remarks though. You ever read the personal ads in the Village Voice?

  160. Hank
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    RE: 158, Josh. Nope, sorry, The outbreak has been traced to, at least in part, Cornell:

    At least three of the infected individuals are affiliated with Cornell.

    Of the nine people, several are men who have had multiple sexual partners, both male and female. Health department officials have traced a number of cases to anonymous sexual acts between individuals who met through the internet, according to according to Dr. Janet Corson-Rikert, executive director of Gannett Health Services.

    The University was unable to confirm a demographic breakdown of those infected with the disease.

    Apparently, it’s spreading from people hooking up throught the internet (seriously). So watch out for Ithaca meet-ups.

    Hank (CALS ’86)

  161. Gagott68
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Cheese is good. That is all.

  162. Tim
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    A dinosuar praying to god? Hmmm.

  163. Uncle Lumpy
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #162 Tim –

    The dinosaur learned to pray by watching cavemen.

  164. Hal Jordan
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, bats :[ I knew you’d come through for us!

    Luann “A kiss” ???? “A kiss” ???? Brad’s been dreaming and fantasizing about Toni for so long that given her actual encouragement to him, there’s no way he’s stopping at “a kiss.” She’s going to have to pry that slobbery, moaning, leg-humping loser off of her with a crowbar. Whether Toni wanted it or not, Brad got to second base. She probably kneed him in the balls to get some space, but there’s no way he stopped at “a kiss.”

  165. Widdle Jeffy
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    A dinosuar praying to god? Hmmm.

    Yes. Definite proof that the answer to some prayers is not just a no, but a Hell No!

  166. Luprand
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap, I made it into the Coffee Talk page back on April 2. Look for the one from Simon S.

  167. Islamorada Girl
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    152-Zaq–I see your point. But, a little backstory here: years ago, I declared a fatwah on Gil Thorp, so it became [Death to] Gil Thorp.
    Every once in a while, people start developing a grudging, creeping affection for ol’ Gil, so I have to remind them about the fatwah. You’re young, you’re still forming yourself at 21; don’t fall into Gil’s trap! He’s really the da-da, surrealist Great Satan. To hope for anything that makes sense in human terms to come from this strip is to doom yourself to a lifetime of bitter, crushing disappointment.

  168. Gabacho
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth – I was a waiter in NY in my younger days (any day but today) and this misses. The important thing about New York staff is we didn’t care. We barely noticed our customers and couldn’t pick them out of lineup even while we serving them. The joke might have worked if it was the couple at the next table.

    Mary Worth – I finally get it. What Moy is doing is warning us never feed a hungry child. The child will turn on all humanity.

  169. commodorejohn
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    BB – It’s like the Walkers haven’t actually encountered art criticism, but they heard it from a guy who heard it from a guy who has a cousin who knows an art critic. Much like pretty much any other reference to anything in Beetle Bailey, actually.

    Crock – Wow, they’ve even given up on having backgrounds in Crock.

    DT – Oh good, there’s a whole SWAT team of Dick Tracys. I was afraid the body count was going to be in the single digits.

    FW – Um…ha ha?

    GT – So when’s the new artist going to start already? I’m getting a little tired of Gil Thorp‘s ludicrously insane plots being stifled under wobbly line-drawings of nearly-identical white persons.

    H&L – Fixed.

    Marmaduke – Heavens no! He just killed an elephant.


    NS – Thank you, Danae, for making this insufferable storyline at least marginally entertaining.

    PBS – Proof that anything can be made better with random violence.

    Preteena – Worst dirty limerick ever.

    RMMD – Excuse me, but precisely who the hell are they going to sue?

    SM – Man, whoever called the King Kong ripoff was right. Weird.


    Ziggy – This seems oddly Douglas Adams-ish for Ziggy.

  170. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    For those of you, especially the fellow journalists, who expressed sympathy when I mentioned my paper let me go because they didn’t think I improved my writing enough, I thought I’d let you know that I already got the last laugh.

    The newspaper chain I work for has an annual contest, and normally they all go to the bigger papers in the chain that have more resources. In fact, our graphic designer, who does some excellent work, refuses to submit anything for the awards on principle, claiming that the chain just wants something for Long Island and New Orleans to beat. Well, they announced the winners this week and I took second place for enterprise reporting.


  171. Gold-Digging Nanny
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Oops! Hit “post” early. I meant to say, “That cash prize is going to be sooo sweet.”

  172. Freezair
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    I am the cheeseman. My cheese is delicious.

    #94.: On the subject of clean Nantucket limmericks, I know one:

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket
    His daughter, named Nan,
    Ran away with a man,
    And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

  173. Gagott68
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.

  174. Trotzenbonnie
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Let’s see if this link will kill another thread…

    After reading Dean Booth’s post toward the end of yesterthread I found this T-shirt design and passed it along to My Rotten Kid. Now he wants me to order it for him so he can wear it to his graduation ceremony in May.

    So, I was just wondering, after a school says they will award you a PhD, can they take it back?

  175. Bootsy
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    The cheese stands alone.

  176. Girl Reporter
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Gold Digging Nanny: Congratulations! And for enterprise reporting! That means you must be the kind of reporter who actually leaves the newsroom to find interesting stuff to write about – not the kind who just waits for somebody to send a press release to cut and paste from. And who asks challenging follow-up questions. You know, a good reporter.

    Good for you! I hope there’s an awards ceremony where you get to walk past the the person who fired you on your way to the dais.

  177. Bootsy
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Our family’s passion is cheese! (TM)

  178. WillieO
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    The doctor in “snuffy” is actually doing testing for genetic diseases. Thus, snuffy’s request that his wife give the sample is not that unsound, as they are blood relatives. Those wacky hillbillies…

  179. Perky Bird
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Curtis’s dad is watching Rachel Ray’s “30 Minute Meals”. That woman loves cheese on everything–and not just one kind of cheese, two or three types on the same dish! With all that salt, fat, and cholesterol bubbling and oozing across the plate, I don’t know how she can look at the camera and say with a straight face, “In thirty minutes, I’ve made a nutritious and healthful dish from start to finish!”

    Maybe Elly was her mentor.

  180. Heather
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    #43 Props for the Wire ref! Niall, if I weren’t already married I would totally throw myself at you for that. ;-)

  181. Mibbitmaker
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Little Kitty: “I like cheeeeese!”
    Sylvester (slapping him into the snow): “Smack! (pause) Aaah, I think I’ve got it!”
    Little Kitty: “The Cheese?”
    Sylvester (repeating action): “Smack!”

    from “Kitty Kornered” (my favorite Clampett cartoon)

  182. PeteMoss
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    70. Pozzo – great idea!

    “Lord, please allow me to put these stupid cymbals down.”

    “Jesus, don’t let this brat flush me again!”

    “Oh, God of Robots, make my deathray swift and true.”

    “Lord, protect me from unseen butlers with heavy hand tools, and keepeth me safe from falling bricks and faulty web shooters.”

  183. indrifan
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    I was born in Wisconsin. I used to have a cheese on my back. I needed the big C(heddar), the smoked Gouda, that sweet, sweet Neufchatel. I’m clean now; but it’s one curd at a time.

    And not to confuse cheese and sex (as is so easy to do), but thanks so much Bats:[ for the link at 134. Consider yourself a sung genius (not that I can carry a tune in a bucket).

  184. Paul1963
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    181 Mibbitmaker: I particularly love the fact that Sylvester actually says “Smack!” in that scene.

    [i]I have always thought
    in the back of my mind
    Cheese and onions.
    I have always thought
    that the world was unkind
    Cheese and onions.

    Do I have to spell it out?
    C-H-E-E-S-E-A-N-D-O-N-I-O-N-S oh no[/i]
    -The Rutles, “Cheese and Onions,” by Ron Nasty and Dirk McQuickly (actually, Neil Innes–not sure Eric Idle had any part in the songwriting).

  185. Bootsy
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Spidey prayer: Please oh please don’t let the cable go out tonight!

  186. Trotzenbonnie
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    #170 – Gold Digging Nanny
    Congratulations on the award and for getting the last laugh.
    And thanks to Girl Reporter for clarifying the enterprise reporting thing before I said something stupid like, ‘Is Captain Kirk that cocky in person?’

  187. Darkefang
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Now Alan gets to find out if Lu Ann wants to share a little three-way action as well.

    Blondie: Today’s Blondie is stealing 35-year-old material from George Carlin, and doing a poor job of it. I guess that pretty much says everything you need to know about the legacy strips.

    GT: I should’ve known better, but I’m really disappointed that this storyline resolved itself without any Gil/Kaz vs. Big Ray fisticuffs.

    JP: “We’re family here”? If they’re family, Gloria must be from Alabama, because she’s obviously got some briefs that she cannot wait to show Steve.

  188. Full Batch
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    # 26 kthnxbye: I suppose it’s not really funny if true, but I think that “Cheese gives me migraines!” is a pretty good band name.
    Best wishes.

  189. AhClem
    April 4th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Pajama Diaries doesn’t get mentioned here much. It’s basically a one-joke strip about how mothers are overworked while fathers sit and watch TV all the time. You know, a topic that’s covered ad nauseum by millions of other strips on a regular basis.

    Today’s, however, was different. If the word “suck” can be censored by comics editors, then a very clear image of someone farting would give them the vapors. Yet that’s exactly what’s depicted in today’s PJ. There is no Bowdlerization or any other attempt to mask what’s going on.

    Unfortunately, I was unable to locate a site where it’s available (I read it in the dead trees version of the St. Paul Pioneer Press). If anybody can find one, please post it here.

  190. yellojkt
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    #134 bats:[ – Excellent.

    My take was:
    Lois: What do you call it now?
    Chip: Fucking. It’s called “fucking”, mom.

  191. mollificent
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]


    196 AhClem: Damn you! Damn you to hell! ROFLMAO!!

    277 Commodorejohn: *perking up ears* Did you say “girl with a higher-register voice”? I live only to serve! :D

    Friday comments (can’t even muster the energy for actual snark)

    51 Fable: LOL! Your RMMD snark is sooo cotw-worthy!

    55 Mr. O’M: Yay, another Pratchett fan! I totally agree. Wait, didn’t we talk about this already? Good Lord. I’ve got a great memory, but it’s short.
    (p.s. re: Foob, how about “Far Better Without Words”? ;))

    170 GDN: Woooohoooooo! That is sweet. Congratulations!

    Oh, wait, I do have one or two small snarks to offer:

    Luann: I love how the kiss, now, was all Brad’s idea. She didn’t have to practically draw him a map, or anything. *rolling eyes*

    JP: Hmmm. Briefs? As in my favorite song by brilliant satirist Roy Zimmerman?

    “When I first saw him in his briefs on CNN,
    I knew that he was not like ordinary men;
    Head over heels I fell for his shuck-and-jive,
    Dick Cheney, ain’t he
    The sexiest man alive?”


    P.S. Apologies if I’ve quoted that before. I just love me some Roy Z!

  192. yellojkt
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    And for those of you following the National Crappy Comics Cliche Countdown (and thanks to all of you that are), the final two categories Kids Needing An Ass-Kicking and Perplexing Pets are open for voting.

    The Kids category looks competitive but the Pets one is being dominated by a rather large dog.

  193. Donald The Anarchist
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #119 Snuffy’s ribs are for her pleasure…

  194. Islamorada Girl
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Gold Digging Nanny! Congratulations on your award and the cash prize. The irony must be so sweet! I hope you’ll take a picture of your editor and publishers’ sour faces as you accept the plaque and the
    giant check. And say something really double- edged in your acceptance speech. As you have learned from this experience, editors and publishers punish excellence and reward mediocrity.
    Living well IS the best revenge.

  195. bats :[
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Rock on, Gold-Digging Nanny! Boy, not only is there money involved, but a prime nose-rubbing opportunity there, too!

    183. indrifan: I’m a Sung genius. Huh. No wonder I feel so old some days… Funny, though: I don’t look Chinese at all!
    Thanks for the good words — judging by other folks’ responses, I hope that gutter that all of our minds are in is a big one!

  196. Steve T.
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    No, you’ve all got it wrong. Jeffy’s parents, through homeschooling, are conditioning him to lead a life as a fundamentalist preacher. No doubt they’re hoping he will make it big on TV and put them on easy street. Jeffy has so absorbed the indoctrination that he lines his toys up as his “flock” so he can practice. Then a couple healings before they go back in the toy box. He’ll be doing tent meetings by 12.

    Jeffy, the next Marjoe Gortner.

  197. Rusty
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    #189: I tried to follow it on the Kings Feature site, but it’s a month behind. Strip is lame, but the creator is a hottie based on a photo accompanying a news story. It might be on the link Bob Weber Jr. posted here (Albany newspaper?)

  198. Poteet
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    # 164 Hal — I dunno about Brad. He’s slow. I came across an old paper (I think it was from 2005) that reminded me he’s been dithering about Toni for several years. And only now do they kiss? It might be 2010 before he actually cops a feel.

  199. Rusty
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    #189: Here you go. Yeah, that’s a fart. Still not funny.

  200. commodorejohn
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    #191 mollificent – Well, if you want to take a crack at singing “Master Of Puppets” in a really creepy little-girl voice at about three-quarters speed, I’ll try and pull together the rest ;D

  201. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Gold Digging Nanny — Congrats! Your acceptance speech will be a great place to advertise that you’re in the market for a new position.

  202. AhClem
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    #199 Rusty – Thanks for the link! I agree about the absence of humor, but it’s still something you wouldn’t expect to see in the heavily-censored world of mainstream comics.

  203. cheech wizard
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    198/ Poteet/Hal – 2010 before he cops a feel, 2020 before they get married, 2032 before she finally consents to marital relations. By the time she allows unprotected sex that might result in conception, she’ll be at menopause. Meaning it’s up to LuAnn if mom and dad DeGroot are to have grandchildren. Unfortunately, her only realistic prospect is Gunther, who is such a dweeb he would undoubtably suffer from premature ejaculation any time he came within six inches of her naked body over the next 30 years, so that’s off the table too. At least there won’t be any heirs to provide fodder for a sequel.

  204. cheech wizard
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    JP – Like the lioness she is, Gloria seeks to single out the weak and crippled to satisfy her hunger.

  205. Moss_Moses
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Greetings from the pinnacle of the moral highground. I’m not bitter and angry and I’m going to hand things to every prematurely aged child freak I see today!

    This may come off as further nitpicking but the self agrandizement and Toeby adulation constitutes 90% of this episode and Mary Worth’s actual “kindness” is one or two panels of her handing junk to freak kids with adult faces. How is that a license to be a snoopy old beldam telling other people how to run their personal lives?

    Get to work Steve and calm down that woody on your prosthetic penis. Gloria is like family so you don’t want to go all incestual on her…

  206. Mountain Mama
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Great news, GDB!!!!! Congratulations! It’ll look fantastic on your new resume and even better at your new desk.

  207. Vince M
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    181: Claude: “Look, if I give you something nice will you GO AWAY! …Here!”
    Hubie and Bertie: “AAAAA! CHEESE!!! Takeitawaytakeitaway!!”

    (from ‘Cheese Chasers’, possibly my favorite Jones cartoon)

  208. Poteet
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    # 203 cheech — Bwahaha! So maybe the strip should be called LUANN, LAST OF THE DEGROOTS.

  209. Poteet
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    GD Nanny, I hope you will revel in this cosmic justice! Too bad it would probably be considered uncouth to give certain people the finger.

  210. Mountain Mama
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    I’m hankerin’ for a hunk of cheese!!

  211. layla515
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Regarding today’s MW: It’s called nausea. It comes with a week of this schmaltzy crap.

  212. Magnolia
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure most of you have seen this already, but just in case-

    I don’t know what to say about this. I think it’s actually bad enough to warrant a moment of silent prayer.

  213. Josh
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    #174 Trotz-

    When I was an undergraduate at syphilis-ridden Cornell, one of my roommates was a grad student in the astronomy department, and she ended up being my TA when I took Astro 102 (aka “moons for goons”). If I had been just a few percentage points ballsier/more obnoxious, on the day we talked about Uranus I would have asked her the whole series of double-entendre questions I came up with about our wonderful seventh planet.

    “Julie, I’d like to ask some questions about Uranus.”
    “Is it true that Uranus is surrounded by a thick layer of greenish methane gas?”
    “Have any scientists sent a probe into Uranus? What did they find in there?”
    “I’ve heard that there’s a ring of dark material around Uranus. What’s it composed of?”

    And so forth.


  214. cheech wizard
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    As an editor/language anal-retentive, I am compelled to make the following correction to my post at 203:

    “Gunther, who is such a dweeb he would undoubtedbly suffer from premature ejaculation”

    This should read: “..he would undoubtedly experience premature ejaculation.”

    Strictly speaking, men “experience” premature ejaculation. Women “suffer” from it.

    Thank you. I’ll be here all night. Please tip your waiters. (ba-da boom!)

  215. cheech wizard
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    213/Josh – And don’t forget, the Starship Enterprise circles Uranus, looking for Klingons.

    (answer to: How is Star Trek like toilet paper?)

  216. True Fable
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #170 Gold-Digging Nanny- I LOVE sweet, sweet irony where the good guys win! YAY!!!

    Congratulations, babydoll! That’s karma for you.

  217. Phred22
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    If Killer should meet a Goth girl, would she be intrigued or turned off by his 1940′s mustache?

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    After reading Cheech Wizard’s analysis of Luanne’s inevitable boyfriend Gunther, the sickening realization dawns on me that
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    And that person suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome.

    I could regale y’all with a who- shot -John story involving a night filled with a bunch of drunken commercial fisherman, a Burger King crown and painting a pentagram in the middle of a road hoping to summon Dick Cheney, all of it involving the planet Uranus, but I won’t.

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    Bummer, the DEA shows up just when Lu Ann is about to propose.

  221. Omnywrench
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    Curtis- I smell a new t-shirt idea on the way.

  222. AhClem
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Curtis — I can see Curtis’ dad’s point. Go into any chain family restaurant (Applebee’s, TGI Friday’s, Chili’s, etc.) and try to find a chicken sandwich — ANY chicken sandwich — on the menu that isn’t topped with cheese and bacon.

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    Moe! Larry! The cheese! Moe! Larry! The cheese!

  224. cheech wizard
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    222/Ah Clem – Go into any mass produced, living on its laurels syndicate comic (Garfield, Cathy, FOOB, et al) and try to find one that isn’t served with a heaping helping of cheese as well.

    Perhaps FOOB should be renamed Fat, Repulsive Old Matron Aggravating Goddamn Everybody (FROMAGE).

  225. A New Day
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    #95 – I thought the same thing on today’s Mary Worth – it’s Dr. Drew! My best guess is that in the amount of time it’s taken to tell this story, he has returned from his trip, married and had a kid, and managed to forget who the woman is now handing his child an illegally plucked and strangely colored rose. If he did remember her, he would undoubtedly pick up the child and run for their lives.

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  227. Other Sally
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    The scariest thing is that the goth girls in Beetle Bailey are the most authentic-looking ones–allowing for drawing style–I’ve seen on the comics page yet.

  228. B B Shell
    April 6th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I was going to leave some comment about FC and the dinosaur praying to god, and something about creationism, and irony or something, but then i read #46, El Santo’s comment…

    goth betty is HOT! and what is with the adam ant reggie? and if i’m not mistaken, does goth girl #2 have a chelsea??
    I LOVED IT!!!

  229. Countess Zaleska
    April 6th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s a little endearing that Killer’s goth girls resemble Vampira. I think it would be better if they all did.

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