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Tuesday quick takes

Beetle Bailey, 6/24/2008

Otto’s prayer: “Let me be anything — or nothing — but not Marmaduke.”

The Phantom, 6/24/2008

Disoriented and blinded by fear, Diana prepares to shoot her husband.

B.C., 6/24/2008

Wait — what?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/24/2008

Canton, Akron — next up on Boondoggles of Northeast Ohio: the Tod Engine Heritage Park — a Mechanical and Materials Engineering Landmark!

Mary Worth, 6/24/2008

Apparently, mere public humiliation doesn’t satisfy Dr. Jeff — and like everybody in this strip, he’s decided to just phone it in.

Crankshaft, 6/24/2008

Trash and Pain — the Crankshaft Family Album.

– Uncle Lumpy

165 responses to “Tuesday quick takes”

  1. bats :[
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Spanked with a spatula?! Ooh, maybe it had hot grease on it when she did it, too! Or she sharpened the edges on a whetstone before “application”! Ah, the memories!

  2. moe99
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    I want to see Mary Worth on her knees, begging Dr. Jeff to take her back. Maybe he can get the spatula at the Crankshaft garage sale and use it on her

  3. Anonymous
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    BC: So apparently you trade being endangered for being bred for food.

    I think this joke’s “funny” part must exist on a higher plane of consciousness that we mere mortals cannot comprehend

  4. Zereth
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    So the Beetle Bailey team has flat-out admitted they don’t have any idea what that vaguely dog-like thing is? You’d think they’d at least pretend to know what they were doing.

  5. Mars
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    Bad Guy #1: “She was right near me and she called Phantom ‘Kit.’ See if that means anything.”
    Bad Guy #2: “Googling now…..looks like the only two people on Earth named ‘Kit’ are Kit Walker, Jungle Patrolsman, and Kit Cloudkicker, a fuzzy bear.”
    Bad Guy #1: “Well, I know he wasn’t a fuzzy bear, so…..do we got him?”
    Bad Guy #2: “Oh yeah. Prepare to torch his house!”

  6. NotPigeon
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Mary’s face in the first panel is terrifying. I’m convinced that she wants nothing more than to devour my soul (but not before crushing, lightly salting, and sautéing it, of course).

  7. Thinks He's Brenda Starr
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Sure, Marmaduke makes me laugh from time to time, but is he really all that Great a Dane?

    Sorry.

  8. Thinks He's Brenda Starr
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    #6 NotPigeon – When Mary Worth eats a soul, it’s not a matter of wanting to do it. It is simply in her nature; she operates on instinct.

  9. Mibbitmaker
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Tuesdane (I sense a stupid, week-long Mibbit running gag….):

    Cranky: Score one big win for the old lady!!!!!!!!

    MW: “Not good enough, Dr. Jeff! You must kill yourself with a huge knife so I can absorb your blood to appease me, the Goddess of Meddle, in a satanic ritual. Only then will I accept the other 75 steps you must take to be forgiven! The Worth has spoken!!” (lightning and black clouds absorb the sky…. heck, I think a far-away Aldo being tortured is even partially visible!) “MUAH-HAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!”

    FW: Sorry, kid, but the word-zamboni-is-hysterically-funny bit has already been milked dry a long time ago by Snoopy in Peanuts.

    BC: The very definition of being on the endangered species list, but anyway…….

    Ghost-Who-Can-Hear-Her: Omigod, she’s going to shoot one of us readers, isn’t she?!

    BBailey: A meta-dog in a existential quandry. Cool. (Probably proving that I never studied philosophy, but anyway…..)

  10. Benjamin Baxter
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    I dunno, but judging by the strings extending from his shoulders forever and forever on, that dog is a marionette.

    http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/

  11. Benjamin Baxter
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    The lifeless expression doesn’t help, either.

  12. True Fable
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    FC Ah, entitlement. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
    FBoFW Gross. Stupid. Waste of time.
    <b?FW So do geeks really enjoy going to places like “The National Inventors’ Hall of Fame”? Or is this just another cliche? I liked my visits to the National Cowboy Hall of Fame, the High Museum of Art, the Smithsonian, and but for the crunch of time, almost went to the National Coon-Dog Hall of Fame in Alabama. Which cliche category fits me? I mean besides weird.
    JP Oh, so we’re back in the Randy Parker for Judge storyline! I just hope we have another memorable line like “I’ll Deny You, Missy!” That was superb!
    Luann And now begins the killing time.
    MT So, will we end up having Kelly admit Cherry is wise in the ways of nature, or will we have Cherry continue to smackdown Kelly until that Disneyesque moment when Kelly somehow saves the day and mutual respect will flow between them? Before, of course, Mark returns and they both go back to their intense jealous rivalry over him. Trail Theater’s funner!
    Marmadick It honestly looks like Marm’s licked his skin off and he’s down to the skull. Fun for all ages, show the kiddies!
    MW For the sake of men everywhere, Jeff: stop grovelling. Shit, you’re embarrassing.
    Phantom Come on up, Kit, so YOU can be in front of her now.
    RMMD Don’t be a fool, Mr. Mallory. Rex will NOT be denied his chance to talk about hot sweaty wrestling mats with a teenage boy.
    S-M Tell me that first panel was NOT planned for maximum snarkage. Otherwise, Peter Parker has just begun to realize his problem with erectile dysfunction.

  13. Mr. O'Malley
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    BC: Actually, I think there’s some point to it. Animals that not useful to people get on the endangered species list. Whooping cranes and river dolphins. You don’t see pigs or chickens on the endangered species list.

    Although, umm, Atlantic cod and Caspian sturgeon could be considered useful to people, and yet…

    OK, it doesn’t make much sense. But I think it’s intended to make sense, even if it doesn’t succeed. That will have to do.

  14. Brian
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    FW: As it turns out, the National Inventors Hall of Fame Museum has been closed since April 2008 for construction. Perhaps tomorrow’s comic will focus on the bonding that Bull and Jinx will have over the fact that nothing good ever happens to anyone from Westview.

    The Wizard of Id: Holy crap, I actually kind of laughed at a joke in “The Wizard of Id”. I think this might be one of the signs of the apocalypse.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    More 6/24:

    9CL: She is now one of Evil Mary W’s satanic minions. Might explain the unicorn…

    A3G: The gloriously de-bunned Margo,with her dusky mane free, is the raven of her own inner essence! Fly free, Magee!……

    DtM: Aww, and Marmaduke is missing out!

    DT: I can think of a Snafu cartoon by Chuck Jones Dick should be seeing now. The one about secrets.

    FOOB: You’ve heard of Gummy Bears? Meet Gummy Brat.

    Garfield: As long as nobody sings “Ring of Fire” over it!

    Get Fuzzy — starring Satchel and his
    friend Feline Fillmore!

    HotC: Can’t watch TV or read books! A culture wars stalemate! Anyway, buck up, gals, it could be worse: You could be experiencing this in “Lio”! (Worse for them, great for us)

    JP: “Well… stall him! …Get Rex Morgan (MD) to chaufeur him around town ’till I get back from seein’ the judge.” (Oh, no — here we go again…!)

    Luann: They’re gonna sear your ass in a minute, TJ!

    MT: Cherry’s been on the Trail alot longer! (aye, aye, nudge, nudge…)

    Popeye: In her world, Sea Hag is the oil companies, OPEC, and speculators all rolled into one.

    RMMD: Careful, guys! You’re getting so obnoxiously close-up that you’ll get yourselves into “Dick Tracy”… and nobody wants that!

    6C: Careful, rabbit…. like….. creature — there’s a shortage on, y’know.

    SFx: In panel one, the big guy’s going to be denied sex for a month…… In panel two, he’ll get beaten up by his girlfriend, there.

    S-M: “In league”??? What the hell happened to “in cahoots”?!? It’s getting so I don’t know you anymore,
    3-J!

  16. Emily
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    Oh my god. I have never ever seen that expression on Mary Worth’s face before.

  17. vinceneilyoung
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Some dogs are just regular dogs, and others can wear clothes and walk on two legs. So, what differentiates the sentient dog from the regular dog? Ask Goofy and Pluto.

  18. Mr. O'Malley
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    12. True Fable. What do they have at the National Inventors Hall of Fame? Their website just seems to have pictures of inventors with potted biographies.

    I’ll bet that at one time the National Inventors Hall of Fame had a whole lot of great exhibits, but if you want to see them now you have to go to the National Corporate Lawyers’ Hall of Fame.

    (Someone at the National Inventors Hall of Fame should invent the apostrophe.)

    14. Brian. National Inventors Hall of Fame closed. Hmm. All the exhibits sent to China? Fighting a hostile takeover bid? Being sued for violating the Digital Millenium Copyright Act? Being turned over to the private sector?

    The Computer History Museum has (temporarily) a working Difference Engine. Geek heaven!

  19. Mr. O'Malley
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    Is that a fish skeleton on Mary Worth’s couch?

  20. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Maybe Diana just knows that things have gotten stale in Bangala, so it’s time to bring on the Unknown Commander’s successor.

    A3G: “Well, that and fucking another guy. You learn some things the hard way.”

    RMMD: In the ambulance chaser Badrug McWeasel, Rex has found a guy who’s more of a dick than he is. Obviously this can’t be allowed to stand.

    S4th: Well that’s just a bit meta.

    GA: Hey, wouldn’t it be weird if the guy they think is from the IRS actually turned out to be a rep for the Chef Meowrice company? You think they’d ever have a crazy twist like that?

    GT: “Well, I’m just sitting with my feet up in front of a wall-size poster of the Adirondacks. What can I do you for?”

    DtM: The joke is inane enough, but MERCIFUL GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO ALICE’S NOSE?

    Momma: Someone needs to explain to Mary Lou the difference between “getting engaged” and “giving a handjob.”

    Marvin: And does it bother you at all that they assume you want a panda? Oh, but what’s the good of adopting an Asian baby if you can’t accessorize her?

  21. Draktyr
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    Mary’s facial expression in panel 1 is one that should only be seen in hemorrhoid commercials and at McCain rallies.

  22. True Fable
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:30 am [Reply]

    # 18 Mr. O’Malley – I imagine that the Corporate Lawyer’s Hall of Fame might be a big room with glory holes all along one wall. It’s true that they could have a wall of penises for the ladies, but taking it up the ass for the sake of the company is not only part of the job, it would make a mess pretty quick.

  23. MWDG-Mary Worth Discussion Group
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    is Mary the villan now in her own comic strip?

  24. Frank Parsnip
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    MT: Kelly Welly’s movie, taken frame-by-frame with a 35mm camera, is going to even include mundane aspects such as whether their camp was close to a nice background or not. By the time she’s done with the first 10 seconds of footage, the storm will have moved on.

    Jugs Parker: Horace Riley’s just going to have to take a backseat to a rare appearance by THE JUDGE. Besides, Sam has been avoiding Riley ever since she started sex-reassignment procedures, going by the name “Horace” during her year of living as a man.

    MW: I like that Mary actually thinks the sound “Hmmph!” Since this exclamation is just in her head, if she’d had less taste and restraint she could’ve just gone for the full-blown “harumph!” or even congratulated herself for her own fortitude with a trio of “huzzahs”.

    A3G: “Margo, you ought to know — you write the checks,” said Lu Ann, through a veil of tears. “Some of us artists are lucky just to have friends who can help us sign our paintings.”

    Cathy: Irving’s concentration-camp pajamas belie his trapped existence in the constant presence of pure evil. He’s doomed to an emasculated life in a comic strip in which he will never die, to sit on furniture whose upholstery is handled with more attention to detail than his own face, stuck in a household full of carpet that remains constantly sopping wet from the inexhaustible supplies of Cathy’s flop-sweat. He’s smiling on the outside but crying on the inside … because crying on the outside would only add to the water content of their drenched, smelly carpet.

    Sex Organ, M.D.: “Mr. Mallory, may I have a private word with you in the hallway… I’m sorry, but those eyebrows are absolutely wicked! I keep plucking mine and pencilling in, but how do you do it?!”

    Funky Pantysniffer: In keeping with the theme of this strip, the inventors celebrated in this museum include Alfred P. Southwick, Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, and Jack Kervorkian.

    DtM: Finally, a bit of menacement! Exerting demonic control over the animals he has summoned from another dimension, he shows off to his mother by promising to send them away upon the completion of the current advertisement. Alice and Henry will only need to clean up the vast quantities of poop and pee.

  25. Luprand
    June 24th, 2008 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    I actually went to the National Inventors Hall of Fame (along with its adjoining children’s play area, Inventure Place), about ten or so years ago, on a field trip. I remember it being a wonderfully chaotic place, with lots of talking portraits, random exhibits in the basement, and all the other attention-deficit things that a sixth-grader could want.

    Part of the joy that is Akron. The rest of the joy is Quaker Oats.

  26. PapaFrita
    June 24th, 2008 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    It sounds like Sarge’s mutt has finally comes to grip with what he is- a monster.

  27. Saluki
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Trivia question. Who is the only person inducted in to both the Inventors Hall of Fame and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

  28. Saluki
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    All right! I hope Gil Thorpe spends the rest of the summer doing a Joe Sharkey flashback.

    Ah, sweet nostalgia.

  29. IagoPogo
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    Les Paul?

  30. True Fable
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    #27 Saluki – Les Paul. IagoPogo beat me to it, but what the hell.

  31. Pozzo
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    “Zamboni machine?” Isn’t “Zamboni” sufficient? Adding “machine” on the end is like saying “I have to run down to the supermarket store.”

  32. gleeb
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    Brenda Starr: Why is the late Thomas Paine in Kazookistan, anyway?

    Cathy: Thank you, Cathy’s Mother. That’s what I’ve been saying to myself, “Boo-hoo-hoo for the woes of the the upper middle class.”

    Edge City: Why does this strip have to drag everything out? Just swap and be done with it!

    FBoFW: And those gum wads were later molded into…Ned Tanner. Now you know the rest of the story.

  33. Saluki
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    29 & 30. Les Paul it is.

  34. InkAllergy
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    That Crankshaft will give me nightmares for weeks. It is the look on her face in the last panel. Imagine what other sentimental items are going to be found in the pile that would cause her to grin (more of a rictus) like that?. I would quit digging. Something about the old woman’s past as a dominatrix is going to surface, and he will never — NEVER — be able to get his hands clean enough.

  35. InkAllergy
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Re: #27 — Robert Moog is who first came to mind, but Les Paul makes as much — perhaps more — sense.

  36. The Mighty Monarch
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    #31, Pozzo. Thank you, I’m glad I’m not the only one who was annoyed at that.

    9CL. Oh, lovely, so we’re in for a whole week of these gags? Why not just skip straight to, “There is no one more likely to grand jeté a foot to your groin … than a ballerina who you called a prissy, jealous little [boxcar].” and move on?

  37. John C Fremont
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    # 27 – Mrs. Paul, inventor of the fish stick who also had a hit with “Me and Mrs. Jones.” What’s my prize?

    9CL – (sigh) Stop it, Brooke. Just stop. This from a guy who actually defended your Unicorn story. I didn’t like it. I just defended it. Look, nevermind. Just stop.

    SFx – I really shouldn’t say this – after all, it’s a comic for kids – but, uh, nice butt. Very nicely done. And I’m sorry.

    I’m a very bad person.

  38. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Flunky Stinkerbean: I don’t need to point out the obvious, but the Zamboni is for hockey, not football, so isn’t it a non-sequitur substituting for a joke? How about “the guy who invented the digital scoreboard” or “the guy who invented slow motion replay” instead?

    Unless it’s supposed to be part of the joke that Jinx doesn’t know which sport she’s talking about, but if you know what a Zamboni is, you have to be pretty dense not to understand that it would not be of much use to the game of football, which is played on grass.

  39. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Rex Moron: Get reeaady to ruuuummmbbblle!!!
    Max Mallory, a 50-ish lawyer with a little bit of a belly will be no match against the steel jawed protagonist with such broad shoulders and stately chest. The illustrious Dr. Morgan has also just recently swallowed some of his patented anti-aging formula, and he now posesses the physique, strength and stamina of a 25 year old. No contest, Rex will not only piledrive this creep into the cold, linoleum floor, but return to the patient’s room for a quick one liner.
    “Where’s Mr. Mallory?”
    “He Maxed out.” Ha!

  40. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    #31 – Pozzo – Yes, and to pay for admission, Bull will go to the ATM machine and type in his PIN number at 9AM in the morning.

  41. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    #27 – My first thought was Brad Delp of Boston, who invented the Rockman. But I suppose Les Paul’s invention was of more cultural significance.

  42. kippetje2000
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy bravo! Fantastico! Six COTW’s in one posting. Someone should make you a belt for you’ve made us all very happy with your snark.

  43. Anonymous
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    “Now you think so, Jeff!….Hmmmp”

    …but soon you shall know the remorseless power of an angered Mary Worth, She Goddess of Meddling.

  44. Terry
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    “Now you think so, Jeff!….Hmmmp”

    …but soon you shall know the remorseless power of an angered Mary Worth, She Goddess of Meddling.

  45. kippetje2000
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Yes, Jeffy. And Daddy sneezed four times, producing you little shits and is gonna be damned forever! So, I consider Daddy one up on the game.

  46. Red Greenback
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    BBailey: You’re a Plugger!

  47. Vyola
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: Jeff’s pathetic apology or Mary’s adult romper.

    Normally, I’d go with the romper, as there’s every chance it’ll be seen in public, as opposed to the more private nature of the apology. But I’m firmly convinced that Mary’s going to broadcast Jeff’s message over the speaker system at the next Charterstone pool party. Residents, already blinded by the sight of La Worth’s triceps and the fashion faux pas of pearls with a playsuit, will have no respite from the echoing chorus of “You were right, as usual”.

    Also, what’s up with the flaming monarch butterfly caterpillar on the sofa? “Hmmph”, indeed!

  48. Gojira
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Let’s review:

    Monday MW: “Toby thinks Jeff and I are meant to be together…” The phone rings, Mary screens, Jeff commences groveling.

    Today’s MW: Mary screens some more, Hmmphs to herself, Jeff squeezes as much sniveling as he can before the answering machine time limit.

    At no time does Mary make an attempt to pick up, instead weaselly eavesdropping and as her “meant-to-be” demonstrates how much got snipped.

    Jeff, Jeff, Jeff…why babble all this to an answering machine? Less would have been oh, so much more.

  49. Justafoob
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

    Oh, thanks LJ for exploring 1960′s novelty songs instead of Liz’s relationship with her dying grandfather. A much better use of the precious space you are blessed with.

  50. bk
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Jeff just changes his mind? Per usual, nobody actually does anything. He, like so many before him, defied Mary, then, by what I assume is some Borg-like power, he decides to say Mary was right. How awful.

  51. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Big Dog: An innocent man’s head is eaten by a vicious animal. Oh, I get it – the animal in question is A BIG DOG! HA HA HA HA HA!

  52. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: I think this is the first time in an A3G strip that both characters in a conversation were standing on the same rotating platform with the camera, so instead of whirling around each other like globes in a planetarium display, they merely rotate past different backdrops, like Fred and Barney in a Flintstones chase scene.

    Archie: Replace Dilbert Dilton here with Dick Tracy, and you have exactly the scene when Archie was caught with underage porn. (Betty and Veronica are still in high school, after all.)

    EC: Just go ahead and ask, Abby… there’s no non-awkward way to bring up cock size.

    H&J: The specificity rolls on! For Herb, it must feel liberating, like coming out of the closet. “And I have a whole bunch of Captain & Tenille albums! And I eat Grape-Nuts for breakfast! Hee hee! And I drive a Ford! No, not just a Ford… dare I say it?” “Don’t do it, former NBA star and longtime friend with whom I run a restaurant! You don’t know what’ll happen!” “No, I’m gonna say it! A Ford Crown Victoria! And I prefer R.C. over Pepsi or Coke!”

    JP: Damn it, Sam! You just resolved two plotlines, you can’t just go off after only starting one! You have to see Horace first!

    Marvin: Sorry, I made the wrong prediction yesterday. Rather than looking at all kinds of vague ethnic cliches, we’re apparently going to explore Chinese ones in depth. Awww, look at that! Her teddy bear is a panda! Ha ha ha ha!!! If she’s shown tomorrow drinking soy milk or building a Great Wall of Blocks, I don’t know if I’ll be able to contain my hilarity.

    MW: Wow, I’ve seen friendlier looking Dick Tracy villains. More attractive, too.

    RMMRSA: Rex Morgan has the smoothest, plastic-est face in comics.

    SF and SL: One kind of meta, one very meta, both pretty funny.

    SFx: Fish skeleton!

  53. Art Vandelay
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    So how many “Michael was such a little brat and Lynn, um Elly was so heroic and noble and saintly for putting up with a child’s normal antics” flashbacks will we get this week?

    Poor Elly, so heroic and so unappreciated. Her child one time barged into their room after knocking, and also stashed gum on the bedpost! They should have sold him to the gypsies or thrown him into a snowbank and left him there. But Lynn is so saintly she barely even thought about doing that. Um, Elly, not Lynn, right, sure.

  54. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    #49 – Justa – Actually, “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It’s Flavor (On The Bedpost Overnight)” was copyright 1923, according to my kids’ Disney CD.

  55. Lowest Common Denominator
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Jinx is going to be pretty disappointed… The Inventor’s museum is currently closed so they can build a middle school in it.

    http://www.invent.org/about_invent_now/4_3_0_museum.asp

    But with a father like Funky, this will just be par for the course.

  56. kshay
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth has a Kindle?

  57. Justafoob
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Sorry for my error.

    Now I see why LJ is going down this path. What a brilliant piece of writing and artwork!! I am humbled by the master.

    I can certainly see why she is afforded space in so many comix pages and everyone else looks up at her glory.

    I deeply and sincerely apologize to everyone.

  58. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Funky Winerbean:
    Jinx is a girl and never expressed any interest in football. But when Bull hears “hall of fame”, he immediately thinks “football”. What a normal teen would be interested in would be “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame”. But Jinx borrows the generic lameness of Herb & Jamaal a comic named for two African American characters, one short and one tall, who own a restaraunt of some kind, and offers up the generic “hall of fame of indeterminable content or merit.” Of course, wouldn’t Bull have realized the difference when he was the one who drove them there?

    And, although “Dad-Daughter Day” is a wonderful thing, is it really “Dad-Daughter Day” when Mom tags along?

  59. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    It just seems like Bull needs to work on his husbanding skills as much as his parenting skills.

  60. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
    on the bedpost overnight
    If your mother says “Don’t chew it”
    do you swallow it in spite
    If you catch it on your tonsils
    do you heave it left and right?
    Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
    On the bedpost overnight?

  61. Wally Winkerbean
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Mom has to go along on “Dad-Daughter Day” after that nasty incident where Bull put his daughter into the emergency room for dissing sports one too many times.

    It is one of the many hilarious incidents that were lost in the Great Leap Forward.

  62. Uncle Lumpy
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Hey, Wally, where ya been?

    Wait — don’t tell us!

  63. Evan
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Since when has there ever been a cut of meat called “hip”?

  64. blammers66
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    What else is in that Crankshaft pile of childhood horrors? Well, let’s take a look… “Oh, look, the electric charcoal igniter that I would plug in and hang around your neck to get you to quit wetting the bed … ah, the toaster I used to toss into your bathtub to make you take showers instead … here’s the broken glass that I would put in your ice cream to force you to eat your vegetables … and look! The pile of burlap sacks that I kept on hand to put the pets in and take to the river when you were a naughty, naughty boy. Oh, the memories!”

  65. Tybalt
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Any writer of Mary Worth who comes up with the line “you were right, as usual” deserves to be publicly flogged.

  66. Wally Winkerbean
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Sorry, I can’t tell you where I have been.

    I am under a gag order.

    Actually a gag, hogtied, and suspended over a pit in Batiuk’s basement order.

  67. Uncle Lumpy
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    #63 Evan –

    Since when has there ever been a cut of meat called “hip”?

    In their article “Upscale Meats Transform the Butcher Section”, Progressive Grocer lists grass-fed and free-range. I would add Wagyu.

  68. Professor Fate
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FW: Ha ha it’s funny – she’s a brain, he’s a jock and it’s funny.

    kill me now please.

    Wally? Wally? where are you? The whole world wonders.

  69. T. Chicana
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Funky Stupidbean: It seems like since Les no longer has the helmet head, they had to get two replacements (his daughter and Jinx) to be helmet heads.

    There must be some law in the Funkyverse that either you have a Moe-from-the-3 Stooges mushroom head or impossibly luxurious waves of hair that occupy the whole panel. Or cancer.

  70. TheDiva
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Never say the word “spank” again, please.

    FOOB: I’ve actually come to look forward to the flashback strips. Instead of being blatantly offensive and insulting to the intelligence, they’re merely tedious and irritating.

  71. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Blandie: Given Dag’s penchant for extreme napping, I would have simply taken him at his literal word.

    Now there’s a great idea for a reality based competition: Extreme Napping – tonight on ESPN 8 (The Ocho).

    It just seems a bit inquisitive to ask what he’s going to spend it on. I also see the image of the local federal employee interrogating the citizenry on what they plan to do with their stimulus checks. “I’m planning on paying down my credit card debt.”
    Yanks check back.
    “Ok, ok, I’ll spend it on worthless Chinese manufactured trinkets that I don’t really need, can’t afford and barely want.”
    Gets check and check from unpatriotic neighbor too.

    But then again, this is the same community that routinely walks in on Dag in the bathtub. With so many visitors, you’d think he’d take to a bubble bath at least. Dag is simply resigned to be Winston from “1984″, with constant intrusive monitoring just a given. That would explain why he frequently stares into the camera and offers up some trite observation.

  72. Steve the Pocket
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    I think the gag in B.C. is that as soon as the ‘saurs were taken off the “endangered” list, the hunters came after them in spades. If this were Bizarro and not B.C., I’d say this is a commentary on how not being endangered as a species doesn’t do a lick of good to the ones caught, shot, and sitting in the pot. But it’s not.

  73. Oldish Goat
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    8: FW: Why not use Zamboni machine in the gag? Somehow Jinx saying “One of the members did invent the Twin Spool Gas Turbine Engine With Axial and Centrifugal Compressors” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  74. Jonny Quest
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Decoding BC: an animal may find itself removed from the menu once it hits the endagered list, as happened with alligators, but they may be “harvested” again once their numbers increase, as with aligators today. So Dino #1 is observing that the good news is that they are plentiful, but – get it? One would think he’d prefer to be endangered yet alive rather than plentiful yet lunchmeat. Or maybe humor didn’t evolve until after the dinosaurs.

  75. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    B.C.: My local paper managed to make it even worse…it colored the dinos so dark the “cuts” were unreadable, making an unfunny strip even unfunnier.

    We call that “Batiuking” ’round these parts.

    MW: I do have to give the artists credit…he’s got “old lady apartment design” down pat. She’s only missing the bowl of ribbon candy.

  76. Darkefang
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Loaning money is the quickest way to wreck a relationship!”

    Especially if they’re using that loan to buy vaguely defined narcotics for resale.

    BB: It appears the Walkers have hired their three-year-old niece to draw cows and dogs in Beetle Bailey. Nobody else could be drawing them that poorly.

    GT: So Gil and his buddy are going to tell the Tigers that Elmer is from the Dominican Republic and hope they draft him?

    H&J: Two specific references in one strip? That might be the most stunning thing ever seen on the comic pages.

    H&L: And I have a list of comics – like Hi & Lois – that I skip most days. I call it my “fuck-it” list.

  77. Shoshi
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    63 Evan — Apparently since prehistoric times.

  78. Calico
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #71 – Hahaha!
    I thought Dag would certainly spend his $600 on food. Pizza, sausages, chesses, burgers, ham, whatever clogs the arteries.

    Marmalick – As long as he doesn’t use that almost fully-ravaged skull for a bong, I’ll be ok with it.

    MW – She’s right, as usual – Jeff, you truly are trapped in Mary’s Web.
    I love her pissy look today, though. Looks like Funky or the ‘Shaft. Next come the awful malapropisms for a week or two.

  79. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    9CL – Brooke, we get it already. You can stop now. Seriously.

    Crankshaft – HO HO FORCING OLD PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR HOMES SURE IS FUNNY ISN’T IT

    DT – Okay, Dick, how many other nonsensical diminutives can you come up with for a new piece of security equipment?

    FOOB – Ah, it’s so very good to see that Elly has always overreacted in ridiculous proportion to the tiniest inconveniences of parenting. It sure does increase the sympathy I feel when she whines to her best friend about how absolutely awful her life has been.

    Fuzzy – Funny!

    JP – Horace!? What is this, Guest-Starring Deprecated Judge Parker Characters Week?

    MW – What I want to know is, where can you buy such a violently orange couch?

    PC – Ooh, so Prickly City is one of those strips that’s allowed to get away with naughty words?

    Edison Lee – <voice=”Morbo”>LONG DISTANCE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.</voice>

  80. Jay
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Spanking with a spatula, the next step in Crankshaft’s slow but determined march to introduce S/M to the masses.

  81. Calico
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    #76 – Re: Beetle – it could have been a loaner drawing from SlyFox’s kiddie drawing corner, you never know. It’s almost as bad as the laughable full-body dog X-ray from Mary Worth a while back.

    JP – haha, blowing off your clients is funny! Especially when you’re a lawyer!

    FW – what was the name of the guy who invented the Zamboni? Wasn’t it Bombardier or something?
    : P

  82. Matt Algren
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Is it just me or is today’s FOOB a little charming?

  83. Calico
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #75 Re: MW –
    And the bottles of Creme de Menthe, Amaretto, and cheap scotch (for visitors, of course).

  84. Danny_G
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    BC Ha! It’s funny ’cause the currently extinct animals think they’re not endangered… I guess? Maybe? Was that the… oh, who are we kidding, looking for a point in zombie-BC…

    9CL We GET it. Edda’s angry and is making work life difficult. This story hasn’t been dragging on long enough? Now we need a week of “You know you’ve pissed off a ballerina when…?”

  85. UncleJeff
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    BC (AJH): I think the new artist is referring to buffaloes/bison. He’s from the midwest and we’ve seen a boom in these parts of semi-domesticated buffalo herds raised for their meat. When I was a kid, we went to the Dakotas to see one of the last remaining buffalo herds. They were down to only a few dozen at the time. The Endangered Species Act, greater environmental consciousness, a stronger desire for “exotic” meats by foodies and, of course, the casino-created wealth of midwest tribes have combined to bring back the American bison from the brink of extinction.
    There’s a commercial herd not far from my home in Wisconsin and I still get a thrill to see them while driving down I-94.

  86. Groovymarlin
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    I would make fun of Crankshaft’s spatula joke, but my own granny spanked me with a flyswatter. So I got nothin’.

  87. Shoshi
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    72 Steve the Pocket — That’s not how I interpreted it. After all, these are animals being raised domestically, not hunted. What it made me think of was the irony defending the farming of animals for meat on the basis of it being a kind of symbiotic relationship–arguing that the animals are bred and protected, whereas in the wild they may have gone extinct by this time.

  88. TeacherPatti
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    #70–Diva, I agree re: FOOB flashback scenes. When I see that drawing style, a part of me doesn’t die and I relax a little.

    Speaking of FOOB, I want to publicly say FU to Lynn and her anti-marriage rants of weeks ago. During service, our rabbi made a few jokes about marriage being a trial and tribulation (during the honoring of some long-married couples). My brain immediately flashed to those FOOB strips and, bizarrely, to that one panel from a looong time ago, where it was an extreme close-up of Liz giving a freaktastic look to the audience (I think it was when she made some bad joke or another about marriage). Let me tell you, it really sucks having FOOB lurking in your brain during a religious service. I probably made God cry.

  89. Calvin\\\'s Cardboard Box
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    38 – Maybe Tank is a Patriots fan and still has fond memories of the Zamboni Game?

    “Near the end of a snowy game in 1982, the Miami Dolphins and New England Patriots were scoreless with Patriots kicker John Smith about to try a 33-yard field goal. Patriots coach Ron Meyer told stadium worker Mel Henderson (a convicted felon) to drive a snow sweeper out to clear a spot for the kick. While the Dolphins watched in disbelief, Smith’s boot was good, and the Pats robbed Miami 3-0. Ironically, the crime Henderson had been convicted of was… burglary.”

    Cheating is hardly new for them….

  90. odinthor
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD — Gaaah! Rex is looking deep into my eyes . . . exercising his superhuman
    physician-powers to take over my brain . . . must strip to shorts . . . and lie down on examination table . . .

    SFx — Six differences? Hm. 1. The first panel is on the left of the second panel; 2. the second panel is on the right of the first panel; 3. the first panel is not on the right of the second panel; 4. the second panel is not on the left of the first panel; 5. the first panel is not above the second panel; 6. the second panel is not above the first panel. Oh, you want non-bogus differences? Damn. OK: 1. In the first panel, the guy is pouring hydrochloric acid onto the girl; in the other panel, formerly known as the second panel, it is rhinocerous saliva; 2. In the first panel, the girl is listening to Beethoven’s Trombone Concerto No. 3 (this of course was Herman Q. Beethoven, son of that friendly grocer on the corner of Main and 2nd); in the second panel, she’s not listening to it at all; 3. In the first panel, the star near the radio is a rather stocky starfish; in the other, it is actually Rick O’Shay’s sheriff’s badge on his chest, his decaying body soon to be revealed by the shifting sands; 4. In the first panel, a wild drugs and sex party is taking place on the yacht in the bakground, and we weren’t invited; in the other, it’s just drugs (but we still weren’t invited); 5. In the first panel, those elongated things in the sky are the much-feared flying vampire worms; in the second panel, they are the product of the artist accidentally spilling his bottle of correction fluid; and 6. In the first panel, the boy in the background is a dedicated Trotskyite; in the second, the boy is a dedicated Leninite. [These six differences dedicated to Gold-Digging Nanny.]

    MW — Well, yes–it doesn’t matter how things look and what other people think, as long as you live in a dimension totally isolated from other people; but most of us live in a world in which interaction with others occurs with some frequency, and so appearances and what people think do matter. [This message received via special courier from the Bizarro Mary Worth on planet Delta-9.]

  91. Anonymous
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Are the BCs today actually old art with new jokes? Because I don’t know if I ever saw that drawing before (unless it’s one from like the very early decades), and I can’t think of any other joke that fits in there, lame as that one is.

  92. Phred22
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MW: So now Jeff is returning us to ‘yellow journalism.’

  93. zadig
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I don’t see anyone mentioning the fact that the Oil Rig Stalker has to die, so it doesn’t matter if Diana calls the Phantom “Kit” at this point. Oil Rig Stalker’s days are numbered.

    See, he’s been watching Kit and Diana on the closed-circuit TV on the rig, so he’s not only seen Kit without his uniform, he’s probably also seen them doing “it”.

    Not that the Phantom will kill him. Either 1) Diana will shoot him in self-defense, or 2) In escaping from the Phantom’s chilly voice and fists of skull, he’ll fall from the rig and die.

    Either way, he has to conveniently go away. Have to keep the Phantom’s secret birthmark a secret, you know.

  94. Red Greenback
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MW: The next message on Mare’s phone will be: “Mary? Bob Weber here. Listen hon, I know you’ve got my fish skeleton and I want it back.”

  95. Hogenmogen
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Foob:
    Elly: If I ever see you sticking gum on the furniture again, I’ll spank you with this spatula!

    … And it never happened again.

  96. Paul1963
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    I’d love to see Diana shoot the oil-rig stalker dead, because then she and Kit could have a huge fight over whether she should have tried to just shoot the wrench out of his hand–like Kit would have done.
    “But, Diana, that’s not how we do it!”
    “Listen, genius: Wrench=small, hard-to-hit target. Human torso=large, easy-to-hit target. Even in the U.N., we understand that!”
    “But you killed him!”
    “Yes. Shall we discuss your little friends, the Pygmy Poison People, while we’re at it?”

  97. Astroboy
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    #27 – It’s gotta be Les Paul???

  98. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    #91 Anonymous – I believe Mason abandoned the recycled-art thing some time ago and is now doing the drawing himself; I think the copy-and-pasting thing was just a transitional phase while he got the hang of drawing the characters. If you look closely, the art style (especially on the characters) is similar but noticeably different than Johnny Hart’s work.

  99. will
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    13: It’s easier to enforce property rights over pigs and chickens than fish.
    The cod and the sturgeon are classic examples of the tragedy of the commons: If they’re everyone’s responsibility, it’s no one’s responsibility.

    Oh and Gasoline Alley is plumbing new depths of insanity.

  100. Anon
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    More information about inventors and football players can be found on the Internets.

  101. Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Phantom – And in my hour of darkness
    He is somewhere right in front of me
    Speaking words of wisdom
    “OFF MAH RIG!”

  102. Poteet
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    # 85 Uncle Jeff — I recently learned that there aren’t many pure bison left because most commercial bison herds have some cattle genes in them. I’m still not clear on whether the ranchers got male bison to mate with cows or bulls to mate with female bison. Either way, I think the ranchers should have been struck down by lightning. Eww.

  103. Poteet
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    # 99 will — I agree with you on both observations.

  104. cheech wizard
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    FW – So, Summer is a jockette and Jinx is a nerd. Are we headed toward a “switched at birth” storyline in which the hospital got Les and Bull’s babies mixed up? No doubt it will finally come to light when Summer develops a rare, incurable hereditary disease that runs in Bull’s family. So Bull gets back his real daughter and the athletic offspring he always craved just in time to watch her die. And Les gets Jinx, only she’s even clumsier than he is and ends up slitting her wrists while trying to use a steak knife.

    I just re-read the above and realized that it’s horrible. Why does Batuik write this crap?

  105. cheech wizard
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    P.S. – I realize that 1) Jinx is adopted, so the above snark really doesn’t work and 2) Batiuk didn’t write it, I did. Work with me here, people!

  106. The Photocopiest
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    I believe the B.C. strip may be referring to a new movement to “protect” endangered species by eating them. That is to say, to encourage people to breed them and protect their habitat by making them a popular food item. Viz, the Bison.

  107. spike
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    104/105 cheech wizard: Well, it’s better than anything Batiuk will offer.

    MW: Earth to Jeff: Our grovelmeter is now officially busted!

  108. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    #105 cheech wizard – ‘Salright, he would write it, if he didn’t have something even more appaling waiting in the wings.

  109. Laura c
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #82 – I agree. I can only conclude I missed the good years of this strip. It’s like night and day: a charming, unforced humor in which there are no “good” or “bad” characters, just everyday life, vs. bad puns, tedious overcharacterizations, and unrealistic situations.

  110. cheech wizard
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – You know, if these people would just FEED THEIR DOG once in awhile this sort of thing wouldn’t happen.

    Crankshaft: “I used to spank you with that spatula.”

    “Must be why your scrambled eggs always tasted like shit!”

    FC – “Instead of two ‘bless yous,’ how about a single exorcism, you demonic little shit?”

  111. Steven
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    In one of the Hitchiker’s Guide books, Marvin the paranoid android netoworks into the Kricket robots nural net, and causes them all to collapse into immobile depression.

    The guy who does Crankshaft and Funky must have a world view that makes Marvin look incredibly cheerful.

    I am so looking forward to Brad’s getting a new housemate. go Toni! Go Brad! (Or should that be “Come on Brad! Come on Toni!”)

  112. cheech wizard
    June 24th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    JP – The judge is back! Wow, it’s been ages since we’ve seen him! Maybe we’ll even get a glimpse of Randy’s long-lost sister Ann as well! Gee, I wonder what those twohave been up to all this time?

  113. Dingo
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or does Mary look a lot like the Baroness from The Sound of Music today? She’s ready to pack Jeff off to boarding school!

  114. spike
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    113 Dingo: As if Jeff isn’t begging to be sent off to boarding school–with a spatula, no less!

  115. AirForbes
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    What does Jeff want Mary so bad for, anyway? Did he make some kind of large bet that he, being a smooth mover like his son Drew, could get into Mary’s conservative slacks when no one else could, and now he can’t admit defeat because he’ll have to sell his boat to pay off the bet? It’s the only reason I can think of for his inexplicable attraction to this narrow-minded, meddling busybody.

  116. Baka Gaijin
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    #79 commodorejohn: Where can you buy such a violently orange couch? 74, the year, not the highway.

    PS-Do you think that davenport is more menacing than Dennis?

  117. Little Guy
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Brad will get in trouble with his folks because… well, he’s Brad. If you wanted a son who does no wrong, go breathe some fresh Canadian air.

  118. spike
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    JP: Sam! Sam! Sam! How’re ya gonna keep that $2M apartment in Paris if you keep blowing off rich clients like Horace Riley? Looks like Steve Shannon is about to save Sam’s fat from the fire–he should just happen to be getting back from that Homeland Security interview any second now. And how many days until we see the end of this Parkerverse “24-hour-period?

  119. Batman Beatles
    June 24th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: This is so disturbing on so many levels. Mom looks giddy at the memories of spanking her son with a spatula.

  120. bats :[
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    39. Hogenmogen: great minds think sorta kinda alike:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2607510457/
    (sorry, you’ll need to size up)

  121. Crankedshaft
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Mom, do you want to keep these old dog collars and these funky belts with balls in the middle of them?

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’m a little taken aback by this backyard wading pool orgy that Adam seems to be having. Yeah, I know, “neighborhood mother baby group.” Tell the neighbors what you like. They’re all women, they’re all stacked, and I’m pretty sure the redhead had some bodywork done. This job you telecommute to, is Bob Guccione signing the checks?

  123. Little Guy
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, just suck it up, you prissy passive-aggressive prat.

  124. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    #36 The Mighty Monarch,
    Brooke is doing a self-consciously highbrow version of Jeff Foxworthy’s stuff. “If she hits you with a water bottle and starts doing plies on your skull, you just might have pissed off a ballerina.”

    #68 Professor Fate,
    AFAIK, Funky has never been much of a jock. Maybe athletic compared to Les, but not otherwise. The interest in football was just made up in service to the joke. Then again, Batiuk has retained basically nothing of the character he was.

  125. bats :[
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    83. Calico: and, of course, the bottles are the tiny ones, stolen from Mary’s past plane travels…

    88. TeacherPatti: probably not so much making God cry, but making Him roll His eyes.

    94. Red: OTOH, Mary hates it when she’s wrong
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2608448106/

  126. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #124 AFKAB, Jinx’s adopted Dad is Bull Babushka, ueberjock in school and current coach, so the football setup is apropos. He actually has aged about realistically for the jump, unlike Funky.

  127. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #118 Spike, Parkerverse days are measured in months of ordinary time.

  128. Poteet
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    # 115 AirForbes — Ooh, what an interesting theory. And if Jeff made that bet, who did he make it with?

  129. feadogboy
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Just got to the Sunday Rex Morgan strip. What’s Mrs. Roberts doing wearing Charlie Brown’s sweater?

    (And notice how it changes colours in the daily strip . . . )

  130. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    #126 Martha’s Rolling Pin,
    Argh. Of course, that’s Bull and not Funky. Sorry. In my defense, Funky has been drawn as a taller Bull since the latest time-jump.

  131. Sequiter
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    #75 Mr. Coffee Nerves:
    MW: That’s 10-year old ribbon candy.

  132. auRa
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Hmm. I interpreted the B.C. joke to be “Well, now we won’t have to be worried about being on the ‘endangered’ list anymore, because we’re about to be moved to the ‘extinct’ list”. Interesting. Multiple interpretations is not something I’d usually associate with this particular comic strip.

  133. isrw
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    As Gojira says — I’m just appalled that Mary Worth is screening Jeff’s call. In a situation like this, would any reputable advice dispensing biddy suggest waiting to see what comes over the machine? No chance.

  134. Art Vandelay
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    #122– the whole Adam strip is full of unreality and whining. Poor balding schlump Adam with his inexplicably attractive wife has to stay at home all day in his sweatpants instead of going to a full-time job. How will he ever deal with such hardships? By drinking lots of coffee, moaning about his lot in life and failing at a stupid “home business.” Wow, that’s fascinating material for a comic strip.

    More baby boomer whining, “boo-hoo, everyone look at me, I am the first person ever in the world that ever had to stay at home with kids, while my spouse goes to a high paying job! I am a hero, if you think about it, and it’s very interesting, blah blah blah.”

    The only funny part of that strip is the male pattern baldness already afflicting Adam’s 10-year-old son.

    Another funny thing would be if his wife came home early and caught Baldy in the kiddie pool with all those other women and dumped his ass. And then Adam had to pay HER alimony. I would finally enjoy this comic if that would happen.

  135. spike
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    #127 Marthas Rolling Pin: I know. I was hoping to get a pool going. :-) As to Bull’s aging…IMHO he appears to be ten years older than he’s supposed to be, as opposed to Funky, who looks all of 62-64. Les is the only one upon whom the Great Creator Batiuk has smiled.

    #130 Artist formerly known as Ben: You’re right about the Funky/Bull confusion. I thought Funky was driving the car yesterday at first. At this point (except for hair color) Funky and Bull are interchangeable

  136. Donald The Anarchist
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    104/105 Cheech Wizard The same thoughts occurred to me, which, if true, brings up two or three innaresting possibilities…
    Les may have been a little more promiscuous than any of us would normally believe.
    Possibly Lisa as well.
    Les’s ogling of and barely concealed lust for his ‘daughter,’ while still completely wrong and an affront to all that is holy, is not technically incest. IS there any Funky Winkerbean slash out there? ‘Cause I just came up with a story idea…

    MW I’m sorry, Jeff MUST have had sex with Mary at least one time. Sadly, even mediocre sex can trigger irrational feelings of attachment and terror at the thought of losing someone. My advice to Jeff would be to hit the strip clubs. Sure, they’ll only be after your money, but they’ll be much more affectionate and nowhere near as patronizing. And your ability to write ‘scrips will make you VERY popular.

    Crankshaft “But what did you do with the broomstick, Mom?”

  137. Orange Doorhiinge
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I am so looking forward to seeing Luann talking to Alan on a phone, with a plexiglass barrier between them (in a jail visiting room) “Alan, darling, why didn’t you tell me you wanted to deal drugs? I could have helped you!”

  138. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    #134 Art Vandelay – Kind of a gender-swapped For Better Or For Worse, isn’t it?

  139. Mr. O'Malley
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    North American bison went through a period of very low numbers in the early 20th century. But they’ve long since recovered to the point of being raised commercially in addition to inhabiting national parks.

    Or in the case of San Francisco, city parks.

    Tatanka Takeout has been around for years.

    Other places.

    European bison are endangered, but I’m not sure if this is a good idea or not.

  140. Shoshi
    June 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    133 isrw — I think that just shows that Mary is not in good faith. She is more interested in what Jeff can do for her than in an authentic interpersonal connection. :-)

  141. fahrenheit451
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft:

    My Mom was fond of a rubber spatula she lovingly named “The Stick” whenever my brother or I got out of line. The difference is-she used to yell a lot and whack the hell out of the counter and not our behinds…

  142. Wolf Shepherd
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    B.C. – Having just read Jared Diamond’s “Guns, Germs, & Steel,” my interpretation of today’s comic was that this species will not go extinct (good news) because they are being domesticated (bad news). Good-news, bad-news joke = funny. The drawing indicates that they are intended to be a source of human chow, but they could well become beasts of burden, as well… sort of like cattle or oxen. Just think, if man had been able to domesticate dinosaurs (yes, I know there is a 65 million year mismatch, but that doesn’t prevent B.C. from being published) our ancestors would have been living a Flintstone-like existence… plowing the north forty behind a triceratops and eating brontosaurus burgers for lunch.

  143. Shoshi
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    142 Wolf Shepherd — Spot on with my understanding of the joke.

  144. Professor Fate
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    124 – Actually I think that’s the Bull the coach not Funky – granted they both look a lot alike these days – Balding, fat, grey hair, features lashed by the misery of living in Funkverse. it’s just Batuik’s artwork is now approaching his writing in suckiness.

  145. Mr. O'Malley
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    About time to put up another thread, UL, or we’ll be forced to contaminate the FOOB contest thread with our wit and wisdom blather about other strips.

  146. Nil Zed
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Cathy actually brought a sentimental chuckle and a tear today. This has happened to me. The perils of living thousands of miles across the ocean from mom and having a telephone relationship.

    Oh, wait, Cathy’s mom lives in the same town. So, not the same. .

  147. Nil Zed
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley, ask and ye shall receive, it seems.

  148. Red Greenback
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    #125 bats :[ I love it! Thanks!

  149. Uncle Lumpy
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    #145 Mr. O’M –

    That’s OK — contest clock starts when the questions go up. I thought about locking comments on that thread, but that seems out of character for CC. And I wanted to give some advance notice so folks can plan their workdays around the contest.

  150. Invisible Me
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    #2 – “I want to see Mary Worth on her knees, begging Dr. Jeff to take her back.”

    I don’t ever want to see Mary Worth on her knees, for any reason whatsoever.

  151. Patrick
    June 24th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    How is the Pro Football of Fame a “boondoggle”? It doesn’t fit any definition of the word I’ve ever heard.

  152. Foolster41
    June 24th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    BC: Moving right past endangered to extinct. how this is a bright side, I have no idea.

    Crankshaft: I too was spanked with a rubber spatula as a kid. A metal one’s gotta really hurt. Also, it’s kind of- no, it’s really a weird thing to be sentimental about.

  153. Braniff
    June 24th, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    24: Here’s a way to liven up the (Chatty) Cathy comic strip–have a boy or girl claiming to be born or Irving’s and his mistress from come to their front door some day and ask to be taken in for awhile. It can’t do Chatty Cathy any harm and might help the comic strip find its way, although said youngster might be Chatty Cathy’s answer to Cousin Oliver (The Brady Bunch) or Dody (My Three Sons).

  154. barfobulator
    June 24th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Last time I checked, meat labeled ‘LOIN’ was not taken from the animal’s lower back, but rather from it’s loins, strangely enough

  155. Trogdor
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    9CL: If we ever needed proof that Edda really is a prat, her childish, petulant, and petty reaction to Seth’s criticism has provided just that. It’s understandable to be a bit annoyed when someone criticizes you. (Even when it’s justified.) But the way she’s reacting is like a badly behaved fourth grader.

  156. Shaenon
    June 24th, 2008 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Working at the Inventors’ Hall of Fame was my very first summer job. I gave a lot of demonstrations on peaches and Kevlar. The next summer they made huge cutbacks and I had to go work at a phone bank.

    Anyway, we appear to be gearing up for an entire week of Funky strips on the theme of “Bull can’t relate to his non-biological daughter.” Usually, in the funnies, you get heartwarming messages about how a family’s a family no matter what, we love you as much as birth parents would, etc. But not in the Funkyverse, where Bull is forced to face the cold reality that he will never truly understand his child because she’s not the fruit of his empty loins. Suck it up, Bull, at least you’re alive.

  157. Violet
    June 24th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    There is nothing about Mary and Jeff’s interaction that I find remotely relatable or even comprehensible. Why does she get increasingly furious the more he apologizes? When, in the history of supplication, has anyone ever said “you were right, as usual” without a direct expectation of either sex or money? I can only imagine that by Thursday or so, Jeff will be brokenly explaining to the answering machine that he realizes now that the newspaper obviously staged that picture and she was actually dining with him at the Bum Boat and he just forgot, while Mary smashes the quaintly archaic device* with a sledgehammer.

    *The answering machine, not Jeff.

  158. Moriel
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Sundays FOOB: I defy anyone to find an explanation for this strip that does not involve Papa Patterson having a loud, completely obvious wank session in public. For once April has a legitimate reason for writhing in embarrassment about him.

    Crankshaft: There is something so very, very wrong about the fondly nostalgic look on the mom’s face in that panel that I don’t have any idea what to say about it, but I kind of wonder if she ran an S&M dungeon in her spare time or something. That would explain a lot.

  159. Nerowolfgal
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — I can’t believe no one has commented on the GIANT HANDS in the second panel. This guy must be so rich he has a GIANT who sits behind him to hold the phone to his ear and clutch his cigarette.

  160. Buck Ripsnort
    June 24th, 2008 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, on Monday I saw the “Jaded” line in Marvin and thought I was just being oversensitive. Then I saw the panda in today’s strip, and I’m worried. Will tomorrow involve putting pee-pee in someone’s coke?

  161. Patrick
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    No, but seriously, Uncle Lumpy: How is the Pro Football of Fame a “boondoggle”?

  162. Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    vinceneilyoung @17 – Four Legs Good, Two Legs Better.

    Artist formerly known as Ben @20 – Our daughter was born in China, and she’s wild about pandas. She’s six, though, so it’s her choice. (Anyway, I used to have a panda, which I called “Teddy.”)

    Justafoob @49 – 1920s novelty songs. Billy Jones and Ernie Hare did the definitive version of “Does Your Spearmint Lose its Flavor?” [Hogenmogen @54 - It's available free at archive.org.]

    UncleJeff @85 – I was lucky enough to grow up in Colorado with a small buffalo herd living near a housing development north of town.

    Zardig @93 – I mentioned it a day or so ago, but your comment brings insight to aspects I hadn’t touched.

    Foolster41 @152 – I. Ron. Eee.

  163. Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    9CL – There is no one more likely to make you regret smiling at Saturday’s comic strip as a cartoonist who continues to milk the same idea day after bleeding day.

    Archie – Weird drawing aside, it was a good line.

    DtM – Ha ha. Dogs love to watch dog food commercials. I’ve seen this before. In Dennis the Menace.

    FC – Ha ha. He sneezed and nobody god blessed him! I’ve seen this before. In Family Circus.

    MF – Obviously, Tinsley prefers that we should continue with a diet of “Same-O, Same-O’s.”

    Marmaduke – I’m so sorry I saw this. Winslow looks sorry too. So sorry, I’m guessing he’s now cutting his three-a-day absinthe with a healthy dollop of laudanum.

    Marvin – Hello, Kiddie.

    Momma – There’s an endless supply of smelly, unsavory Neanderthals in this strip. Are we having a glance into Momma’s horrific nightmare world, or Mel’s?

    Pluggers – Pluggers get their heads bitten off by rhinos while they’re watching TV.

    Snuffy – At last, a comic that comes to grips with the ugly truth. Food comes from animals. Don’t tell the pluggers. It would make them mildly bemused.

    S-M – Flu-bugged Spidey should just breathe on the Vulture, except that watching Vulch going about his daily business, developing the sniffles, taking to bed, and eventually breaking out into fully developed flu symptoms would probably be too fast-paced for this strip.

    Zippy – Griffy finally found his inner Pin.

  164. Seth
    June 25th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Yeah, it was pretty clear to me that BC was referring to the fact that now buffalo are off the endangered species list you can eat them. So not that much of a terrible joke, just obscure

  165. shanghaishrimpo
    June 26th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Hey Mary Worth! Change that sour expression — your face will freeze like that!

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