Main content:


M is for the Many things she gave me

Today is Mother’s Day across most of the world (British “Mum’s Day” is celebrated during Lent, in retribution for their cooking). Because of its ability to trigger a laugh riot of misunderstandings, dysfunction, and resentment, Mother’s Day is a huge deal in the comics, on a scale with Thanksgiving. Let’s see how some of our favorite families celebrate:

Edge City, 5/12/13

Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin demands smooth sheets and an unsullied mattress, even if it means forgoing all the messy pleasures that sustain bonds of love. Husband Len submissively abets her every whim. It’s a mystery how those children got here.

Zits, 5/12/13

Jeremy Zits-Duncan promises to give his mother the tolerance and respect she most desires, but fails utterly in the execution. SPANG!

Mary Worth, 5/12/13 (panel)

Beth Kinley celebrates her mother’s special day by ditching Elinor to enjoy some incompetent afterdinner macking on new beau Tom Harpman. Hey, Tom: Beth is a real girlfriend — quit trying to inflate her.

Lockhorns, 5/12/13 (panel)

Leroy cranks up the hypocrisy to give Loretta’s mom a proper greeting. Brrrrr…

Dennis the Menace, 5/12/13 (panel)

Henry and Dennis get it right … and so, as always, does Alice. But c’mon — Dondi was more menacing than this!

Funky Winkerbean, 5/12/13 (panel)

Darin and Jessica bring flowers to the grave of somebody named Lisa Moore whose ashes weren’t scattered in New York’s Central Park the way Darin’s mom’s were.

Crankshaft, 5/12/13

Jeff Murdoch congratulates himself for overspending at the Hallmark: “Surely now my mother will love me?” Ha ha, nope!


Happy Mother’s Day — give Mom a call!

– Uncle Lumpy

206 responses to “M is for the Many things she gave me”

  1. tallyHO
    May 12th, 2013 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth

    There’s always room for boom shicky Jello!

  2. Baka Gaijin
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mary Worth: Romantic first kiss or inadvertent emetic for the readers? You decide.

    To be fair, I wonder how many teens nowadays could last as long as Jeremy Zits before their eyes popped out of their heads. Not many.

    Aunt Fritzi must not be a big fan of Bill Anderson. No one’s going to see the text wayy up there.

  3. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    I get that bit about the eye-rolling. I’m not a parent, but I can’t stand teenagers (like my girlfriend’s daughter) rolling their eyes, and answering “whatever” when they can’t answer a question.

    I suppose I’m trying to get the message across that I don’t like teenagers very much.

    Happy Mummy Day, Cleopatra!

  4. tallyHO
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man Oh no! The Pee-Colored, Diamond-Tipped Walking Stick Of Dooom!

    Dennis the Menace Hurray! Mom’s off the smack! She’s clean now!

    Hi&Lois Seriously, Hi, it could have been worse instead of all of the kids and pets ruining your flow, the delivery of your special present to Lois, it could have walked in on Thirty emerging from beneath the covers wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day! Seriously, it could have been worse you self-centered lummox!

    Slylock Fox’s Way to Go and Ruin the Mother’s Day Mood, Yo! Comics of the Week

    So, okay. It’s Mother’s Day, a Sunday. Slylock Fox and Maxwell P. Rodent descend into a hole in the ground; a literal hole, in the ground. In Nightmare Valley, a pluralistic anthropomorphized animal haven obviously there are some creatures which haven’t completely decided how to define their version of civilization. For those critters, a hovel with some creature comforts will do just fine. As long as they can call it “home”, they are probably okay without amenities other advanced critters enjoy.

    I’m surprised Slylock didn’t show up with a SWAT team to break down the door while Mel Rat (whose as blind as a bat) was enjoying a bowl of his famous Hole Oat Oat Meal. Way to be, Slylock! Way to be rude!

    You still have atavistic traits, you non-shoe wearing future pelt of Ziggy…

    Oh dear.
    Oh My.
    How can a disappointing comic strip remind me of Ziggy? Why and how could I let that happen? Perhaps I am wrong in my assessment of Sunday’s Slylock. Perhaps he intentionally broke into Ziggy’s summer home while Ziggy was visiting the Matron Ziggy Zagnut at Le Maison de Zig Gee!

    Ya got no shame, Slylock. You cape wearing, ironically tailored suit wearing future pelt of Ziggy’s Mom. Take my word on it: There is a trap there intended to snag Ziggy some fuzz to tailor-make a stoll for his mom. The price: A steal and an agreement coerced from Maxwell to “keep on shutting up”.

  5. tallyHO
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#4):

    kack! koff!

    it could have walked in on Thirty Thirsty emerging from beneath the covers

    aye. arrrgh! argh!

  6. tallyHO
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Vaseline Jelly

    I mean Gasoline Alley!

    Crap.

  7. tallyHO
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#6):
    That strip is friggin’ Nightmare Fuel.

    bonus:

    How a real Cat does it:

    Heathcliff: The only being that will take a disturbance and turn into an all you can eat buffet with the main course being Disco Mice!

  8. Baka Gaijin
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#3): Whatevs, old person talking. [eye roll]

  9. ralph
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    FW: “a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought provoking and sensitive manner.” Seattle PI. Yeah, well. I think we could each tighten that description up a bit. If this is your reality, you have my condolences. And unless you include a handful of high school kids the strip seems to consist mostly of middle-aged and old people confronting old-people problems. As for today’s strip, that guy’s a real jerk, isn’t he? The mean kind, as opposed to the Les kind. I looked today solely because someone commented on Lisa’s marker. And like many other people, including Uncle Lumpy, my thought was that Les dumped her ashes at some dumb park bench. Except of course for those he kept for special occasions, like climbing mountains or getting married, or whatnot. I suppose when you draw a strip every day for forty years some of the details get away, like what you did with the body of a principal character.
    Crankshaft: I think to a person we could have predicted Momma’s reaction to a card. I mean if you were an ill old woman with a spineless son and a d-i-l far better looking and nicer than you ever were, you’d be unhappy too. And that’s not even thinking about having to live with Crankshaft.

  10. Baka Gaijin
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    @ralph (#9) on Funky Winkerbean: To be honest, Funky Winkerbean provokes a lot of though on this message board, judging by the number of comments it inspires.

  11. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    Please avoid today’s 9 CL unless you want to feel physically sick. I’m a dentist and it’s still squicking me out.

  12. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    Whether your MOTHER’S DAY is:

    Funky — Ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes…

    OR

    Edgy — “MOOOM! You want we should give you any bread products with that?”

    OR

    Rosey — Clamato is a moron. What his ma REALLY craves is lots and lots and lots of “that frozen concoction that helps her hang on” (from the Jenny Buffett song Mother’s Day in Margaritaville).

    Have a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY just the same!

  13. remmy
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    9 chickweed lane: fucking nightmare fuel

  14. Droopy Says
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    9CL: Years ago, I raised a pair of orphan kittens. They did pretty well, too, but I couldn’t teach the twins everything a cat needs to know. One day they sat in a window and watched a neighbor’s cat stalk a mouse. When the cat caught and ate the mouse, they looked at one another and their jaws sagged open in a display I haven’t seen until today’s 9CL. All of which convinces me that whatever is going on here, Brooke hasn’t based his characters on human beings.

  15. Miriam
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be getting out of today’s 9CL. It’s not funny. It’s not even silly. It’s just bizarre and creepy. This strip is syndicated how again?

  16. gleeb
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: How nasty is Frank Pierce? His very genetic material is a killer-shark issue. (Or is Durwood the killer-shark issue?)

    ‘shaft: Noodly Jeff will have to try harder if he wants to impress the mother with whom he has an open and mutual hatred.

    H&L: Hi didn’t bargain on an incestuous orgy.

    Sophie’s Shallow Knowledge!: Tuareg, not Taureg.

    Mark: Gotta keep that sweet, sweet NOAA coin coming in.

    Phantom: To give a casual air to dinner, Diana is naked.

  17. Ruth's Truth
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    I honestly thought Crankshaft’s first panel was taking place in a funeral parlor and that Jeff’s smug assertion that his mother wouldn’t complain about the card was because she was *dead.* I figured that would pass as a “Happy” Mother’s Day in Batiuk’s head.

  18. Liam
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:13 am [Reply]

    JP-Nothing the little blonde likes more than hearing about how people who aren’t her suffer and die.

    MW-Beth is hoping Tom will have some pie for desert.

    MW 2-Nothing finer than porkchops and carrots mushed together.

  19. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    9CL — All granny did was accidentally back her car over Julie’s corgis “Jack B. Nimble” and “Jack B. Quick” (ironic, huh?). So she secretly replaced them with Jack B. Nimble II and Jack B. Quick II.

    It’s a classic overreaction by the Burber women if you ask me!

  20. KreatureFeatures
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: Meanwhile, at Dr. Lauren’s home, her children await at her bedside with a breakfast tray and flowers.

  21. KreatureFeatures
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Meanwhile, at the trailer park, a down-on-his-luck Mark, and his noble dog, struggle and die. Happy Mother’s Day, everybody!

  22. Zerowolf
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    @Ruth’s Truth (#17): Batiuk always puts the fun in funeral.

  23. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    @ 14. Droopy Says

    I’m pretty sure Brooke doesn’t know any human beings. If you were a human being, would you want to know Brooke? I wouldn’t.

  24. Old Folkie
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Um, wouldn’t Hil and Ted be making their meals in the same kitchen?

    JP: Sure, a teenage girl is interested in obscure tribal warfare in Africa…

    9CL: AAAUGH! Double gaping maws!

  25. Zerowolf
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Why is Rex so shocked that June is pregnant? Does he have early on-set Alzheimer’s and forgot, or did June just kick him in the nuts?

  26. Roto13
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    “Do you want dessert?” “Yes.” That’s about the least romantic thing I’ve ever heard, so I’m going to assume Generic Blond Guy is actually going to vomit dessert into Mousy Girl’s mouth like a bird.

  27. John C Fremont
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Dondi?! Goshers, Mister Uncle-Lumpy-Buddy!

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#3): Now this is how you say it.

    MW – “Love is… expressed in the sharing of food.” – Kim Casali

  28. Zerowolf
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: I know it could get boring drawing the same people the same way day after day, but you think Bolle could at least draw the same people the same way on the same day….

  29. Elk Meadow
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Great summations, Uncle Lumpy!

    Happy Mother’s Day, all!

  30. Elk Meadow
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    @ralph (#9):

    Having a grave marker isn’t unusual, even if the ashes are scattered elsewhere. However, there are so many ashed to scatter, I’m wondering how many other people were cremated with Lisa, or if the funeral home just rounded up all the unclaimed urns and combined them with Lisa’s.

  31. Hatlo Faction
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    JP: This “Rebel Grifters Deep Into Spencer Farms” subplot is an unwelcome diversion from the pith helmets and Hawaiian shirts in Mexico we were promised. However, I did enjoy seeing the fifteen year old McCalls Magazine that Abbey keeps in the guest house

  32. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#30): There was a rush at the funeral home right before the time-skip. If there’s anything more miserable than living in Westview, it’s having ten years of that misery compressed into a single weekend.

  33. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    rex morgan looks justifiably terrified of his wife in that last panel

    judge parker: the painted-on clothes are, as always, of interest. but the judge sulking around in his pith helmet would have been a nice change of pace

    9cl: more teenage bullshit, more teeth. (yawns, makes sure to cover mouth)

    retail: this is nice, but is it really that hard to make three separate drawings for three panels? o well, if not picked apart for inconsistency picked apart for consistency

    mark trail: *dramatic!* *death-defying!*

    sally forth: ted and hil should have let sally sleep in and then take her out for a late lunch after the crowds let up

    funky w: looking forward to matthew mcconaughy telling darin how much he wants to play him in “frankie’s story”

  34. Ursula
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    PV: Val’s nightmare continues. Soon he will be able to flee and hopefully face some uncomplicated sea monster or underground demon kingdoms. Make his annual conjugal visit to Aleta.

  35. LUJBEM FEJF
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Lock horns- It looks like Leroy stayed up all night watching Skinemax to get that smile. (is Cinemax even a channel anymore?)

  36. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Before we go any further, allow me to present to you your Uncle Lumpy.[*] Original here, cf. Mutts parody.

  37. Powers
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Hatlo Faction (#31): Whoa. McCall’s stopped publishing in 2002. I saw the magazine when I read the strip, but didn’t realize it wasn’t still published. I wonder if that’s an intentional slip by Manley or if he just forgot.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Had a brief moment of deja convusion this morning. Deadtree funny pages were repeats from last week. “hey, this Zits looks familiar!”

    A&J: I am Arlo. I hope the QG isn’t quite that Janis. :-/

    rCdS: a sofataur for commodorejohn!

    HotC: almost as horrifying as 9CL, but with less teeth.

    rIP: I am having Samurai Jack flashbacks.

    PBS: *sigh* Lolly did that joke back in the 70′s, and look what happened to that strip.

    MT: o noes! Rescue the doggie!!!

    Mutts: Mondrian meta.

    Ghost-who-has-new-artist? or have we all been hypnotized?

    RMMD: ahhh, subtlety, thy name is June.

    PV: ooo! agony Val! *saves*

  39. The Ridger
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    9CL: You know, there might have been a joke here (not an original one, but baby steps) had Juliette been the one to say “Oh, good grief, Edda, you’re grown up now” and then Gram drops the “I did the same thing to your mother’s jacks” line. This? Pointless plus ugly.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Loldogs has an adorable video of a corgipup barking at a spoon. Tu’i is now frantically searching under the desk and behind the computer for the source of the barking. silly dog. ;p

    best day of Archie’s life?

    Happy Sundog!

    corgi puts up with silly human.

    pupsquee.

  41. TheDiva
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Do something nice for Mom today, the bitter ungrateful shrew!

    EC: Does anybody serve their mothers breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day? Mr. Diva is making waffles right now, but we’re going to eat them at the table like civilized folks. Is this one of those things that only exists in tired comic strip routines anymore?

    FW: Hey Darin, remember your mother? You know, the woman who even though she didn’t actually push you out of her vagina adopted you, carried you from the earliest days of your infancy, loved you, taught you, and gave you everything you need to grow into the responsible adult you are today? The woman who is sitting at home alone right now with nobody but a helpless, dependent invalid of a husband for company? You think she might like some flowers or, you know, any of the time you’re spending worshipping at the shrine of Saint Dead Lisa?

    In other news, Frankie totally missed his calling as a newspaper Spider-Man villain.

    MW: A kiss that says “I’m really not comfortable kissing you on the mouth. Maybe we should have started with a cheek peck…”

  42. Rusty
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Tom’s head looks like his face was ripped off by a raging chimp and a new face was transplanted. Or as is he is sticking his head out of the side window of a jet.

  43. TheDiva
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: They’re like Muppets. Horrifying, oversexed Muppets.

    Luann: Luann, that noble bursting-with-inner-beauty paragon of teenage girlhood, treats her mother like an indentured servant. Happy Mother’s Day.

    SM: Well, be fair, Spidey, Daredevil and San Francisco’s finest knew that all you’d have to do was bumble into the mess and get yourself knocked out. They trusted you to do that on your own.

  44. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Zits: It’s a Tex Avery Mother’s Day! (if not a ’50s horror comic Mother’s Day)

    ECity: So, in order to do right by the mom on Mother’s Day, the kids make breakfast…..
    Well, it’s something, I suppose.

    DtM: Celebrating the holiday by promising not to be menacing today…. or any other day.

    FW: She’s the Sainted St. Lisa the Better Than You. She gets to have her ashes spread AND her body buried… AND a marker in addition. In other words, they have to go to at least 3 different places to honor her. Insufficient, if you ask Batiuk, but what can you do….?

    MW, Crank: Elinor and the Cranky crone are mothers in the sense of the mothers in the Jimmy Kimmel Mother’s Day sketch this week. A couple hard thruths in that skit aside, that and these two have all the tribute to motherhood of an abortion clinic.

    Lockhornsinbattle: “Hey, Loretta, it ain’t Mothers-in-Law Day, bitch! (uh…I meant “bitch” in a rap lingo/Stephen Colbert kind of way….uh…. yeaaaaah…….)”

  45. J.R. Clark
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#28): Frank Bolle is EIGHTY-EIGHT (that’s 88) years old. I’m surprised he can even remember where his pencils are from day to day, much less render a comic-strip world that resembles 1964.

  46. Uncle Lumpy
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#36):

    Aw that’s sweet — and it’s not even Uncle’s Day!*

    * July 26 — shop early!

  47. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Today on The Amazing Spider-Man: the Kingpin – Wilson Fisk – threatens Dr. Lauren – Officer Lauren – only to be lectured to death by Daredevil – Matt Murdock – while Spiderman – Peter Parker – looks on, bored.

    Apt. 3-G: Behold, Frank Bolle has heard our constant whining incisive critiques! No longer are there odd green squiggles on the apartment walls! Now there are multi-colored squiggles for the apartment walls! TREMBLE BEFORE THE POWER OF whinging WELL-REASONED AND INSIGHTFUL FEEDBACK!!!

    Buz Sawyer: Forgot to point out this vintage strip yesterday. Yes, Saturday’s funniest strip was originally published January 18th, 1950.

    Judge Parker: Fact-checking the comics: Not only did McCall’s stop publishing years ago, as noted by Powers above, but the Tuareg aren’t really terrorists per se. They’re indigenous tribal nomads who align with al Qaeda and/or other terror groups for the sake of convenience. And by “convenience,” I really mean “to eke out a living in a hostile, blighted, godforsaken shithole of a location.” That in turn means they have no way of dumping stacks of cash in the Driver clan’s lap, and will therefore not be a factor in this story.

    The Lockhorns: But Loretta! Rod Bassy is the gold standard in lures! That’s what the little boy tied up in the van told me, anyway.

    Mark Trail: Question for TRMT: this is awesome! Follow-up: is this the first time this strip has gone to outer space? And shouldn’t the hurricane have a beard, being a bad guy and all?

    Mary Worth: Is that…Moby Dick on Tom’s bookshelf? Run, Beth, run!

    Nancy: Look, there’s only so many places the “Whisperin’ Bill Anderson Fan Club” logo can go, but wow, Gilchrist, wow.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Rex, you smug bastard, that’s what you get for telling June to moderate her eating while you order the prime rib.

    Ziggy: Wouldn’t that be “The Mall For Dummies”?

    Zippy the Pinhead: It looks like the color monkeys forgot a red layer or something here.

  48. Rusty
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#44): Les bought two plots, so Cayla gets planted beneath Lisa’s headstone.

  49. Mibbitmaker
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#41): Your hubby’s making you waffles? Expect a visit — starting with a mean pounding on your front door — from a wildly insistent June Morgan who will not take “no” for an answer. Don’t expect to actually eat any waffles after that, either.

  50. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#46): That panel was literally the first thing I thought of when Josh told us “your Uncle Lumpy” would be in charge this week.

  51. TheDiva
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    RE: Gravestones and Scattered Ashes: After my grandfather was cremated, part of his ashes were scattered over his favorite fishing spot in Alaska, and the other half was interred in our local military cemetery. So it is possible to have both. Granted, we’ve had absolutely no indication that any part of Lisa was buried before now, and her gravestone seems to exist simply so Darin can visit it in a maudlin Mother’s Day tableau, but it is possible.

  52. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#48): Judging by the size of that headstone, he only bought one plot, not intending to be buried by his late, sainted wife.

  53. Shran
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk better watch his back from here on out. After getting even the slightest detail wrong about her life and death, Her High and Most Exalted Holiness, the Blessed and Venerable St. Dead Lisa will be very upset.

  54. Brad
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Wouldn’t be a Crankshaft Mother’s Day without one character smugly bragging about all the good qualities of the gift he bought, as he’s giving it to the person.

  55. Lorne
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Alice Mitchell wins the Mothers Day Morning Cleavage Challenge, though Abby is clearly giving it everything she’s got.

  56. Inkwell
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Today, Slylock Fox breaks into a friendly mole’s house and drinks his milk. Notice we’re never told what the “crime” was…

  57. catondan
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    “Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin demands smooth sheets and an unsullied mattress, even if it means forgoing all the messy pleasures that sustain bonds of love.

    Wow, Uncle Lumpy!

  58. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Marcus Autrailius: Oh, no! Mark’s going to drown! By the way, how did he get off Slumber Mountain and to the ocean so quickly?

    Meddlin’ Mary: Beth suddenly changed clothes. The (lack of) continuity in this strip never ceases to amuse.

    Dr. Sex Organ: Prime rib, huh? Clog up those arteries, Rexy! Then you can join Milton for those wonderful tests tomorrow.

    Crankenschäft: He’s just trying to buy your love, since he’s such a lousy son.

  59. Calico
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW – Oh, the lack of continuity. Maybe her cremains have been divided?

    Henry – Dingo, still missing you… ; )

    RM – So THAT’S where the prime rib ended up! Finally!

    MW – yay, dessert! Lengua casserole.

  60. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: You guys tell me what looks better: this one or this one. I’m thinking #1, but I’m open to suggestions.

  61. Calico
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51):
    Yep, part of my friend’s ashes are under a splendid young apple tree in VT, another part are with his daughter and former wife, and they graciously asked if I would like to keep some, so he is here as well with one of his fav cats in my office in QC. : )

  62. ShrunkenHeadsofMrBribary
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    DT: no mention of great art work of Honeymoon in the dark searching the web for signs of her deceased mother?

  63. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    BTW, Retail got Mother’s Day just right.

  64. Everything Is Better with Monkeys
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    This FW arc is gonna end with Lisa’s face appearing on a tortilla in Mexico City as evil bio-dad is turned into a pillar of salt. Either that or we are actually watching Les’ crappy movie play out, the reveal to come as the credits roll and Les applauds himself.

  65. ralph
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FW: I have lived this cremation thing. A close relative died and was cremated by the person closest in ties to him. That person offered me part of the ashes. I declined and I have no idea what became of any of them. My mother wanted to put a small stone in the family plot in our local rural cemetery honoring him. I told her that cemeteries don’t go for that sort of thing, that there would be no room after a time for the actual burials. That may or may not be true, depending upon the cemetery, but the only times I’ve ever seen it done is for the military when the body is buried overseas or never found.
    FW does inspire a lot of comment, but the strip is so annoying I’m not sure it inspires much reflection about the issues it raises. I’m sure that there have been many laudable stories over the decades, such as the canine companion for Funky’s brother, but you have to dig them out of the misery, self-pity and smirking. If the only time we had to endure Lisa was the annual cancer run, then Batiuk would be making his point about the illness and the memory of the character would be maintained. As for Les, he’s got a wife in the here and now who could use some attention. As we can see, her interest has already turned primarily to her share of the profits from exploiting Dead Lisa.

  66. Kinghasnoclothes
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Fracking Winekaboom: Why isn’t Lisa’s grave covered with flowers and notes and other fan debris that you find at celebrity graves?

  67. bbofun
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    ASM- All week, people have been snarking about “so Daredevil just beat up and let Spider-man knock himself out for the fun of it?” I had assumed this was all part of the plan- that Daredevil had communicated to Spidey “hey, let’s pretend to fight, then pretend to get knocked out!” But, no, today’s strip confirms that Spidey, per usual, had no frickin’ idea what was going on and actually did knock himself out! Ah. newspaper Spider-Man- you continually find ways to be more incompetent! (Plus 10 Superdickery points to Daredevil for not bothering to tell Spidey about the plan during ANY of the time they were together, admiring each other’s ass–um, “assets.”

    9CL- Do little girls think of each one of their jacks as a separate entity, to the extent that this sort of subterfuge would be necessary? (Strangely enough, I don’t have as much of a problem with the “little scraps of paper”- that rings true as the sort of thing imaginative little girls would do, and that they’d get attached to them individually.)

    DT- Great artwork. Very strange text. (Does she? And wouldn’t it be well-known among people who knew her, which includes a fairly large percentage of the police?)

    RMMD- Nothing I like better than a good Rex Morgan surprise/shock take. Here, he manages it even when nearly obscured by June. (I also like the disconnect between his “Moderation is the key” and “I’m having the prime rib!”)

    FW- “And his wife makes documentaries that nobody watches, so we could offer her some work on the production.” Does- does Frankie make PORN? I’m not quite sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, AWESOME! On the other, I imagine Funkyverse porn makes you feel guilty and ashamed before, after, and while watching it (as opposed to just before and after).

  68. the REAL Mark Trail
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#21): bwahahahahaha!

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#47): no, this is not the first time,,, several Sunday pages have shown space scenes with regards to satellites. It is something I hope to do a little more often… seems everyday we have discovered something new “out there” and how “otherworldly events” affect our weather

  69. endless sky
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Kinghasnoclothes (#66): True. And it’s just there in the open and unguarded? Why hasn’t it been desecrated by all who know Les?

  70. Uncle Lumpy
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#67):

    Does– does Frankie make PORN?

    Ooh, I’ll call the AWESOME, and raise you: Frankie makes LISA PORN.

  71. Baka Gaijin
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#67) on Spiderman: Honestly, Spiderman’s knowledge of the plan would not have changed the outcome one bit for the better. Knowledge is power, except where Spiderman’s involved.

  72. Droopy Says
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Kinghasnoclothes (#66): People take them home as sacred relics. Legend has it that they can cure smirks. There’s also a cottage industry that produces genuine ashes to anyone who makes the pilgrimage to her grave, as well as fragments of the sacred park bench–it’s not like Monotony’s and the comic book store are the only private businesses in town.

  73. ralph
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Non Sequitur: Wiley isn’t doing Mother’s Day, so I offer his explanation as to what became of Danae and Kate’s mother. Dad’s fiancée asks his mother that very question:
    “Oh, Jennifah, that’s still a pretty soah subject… Joe lost hah in a biking incident.”
    “Oh, my! What happened?”
    “Well, all I know is one minute theyuh on a trip in New Hampshuh… The next minute she runs off with a bikah.”

  74. Calico
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#70):
    No. Just no.
    *eyes pop out like Jeremy’s – must not see, must not think*)

  75. Huckleberry Fink
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#19): 9CL — All granny did was accidentally back her car over Julie’s corgis…

    I wonder how queek feels about that?

  76. BigTed
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    For Henry Mitchell, “breakfast in bed” is clearly just another excuse to keep his hot wife in her sexy nightie a little longer. What’s menacing is that he involves their young son in his schemes.

  77. Calico
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#8):
    “Oh come on, I know! (As in everything, because I’m 15) Whatever!” Sigh *rolls eyes and reaches for smartphone to be used in a stupid manner*
    Some teens are awesome beyond their years, some are little gits, and some are in the normal range, whatever that means in regard to a teen. Par for our species…

  78. gleeb
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#70): Dead Lisa porn.

  79. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    The Exalted Dead Saint Lissa: I think I have this whole ashes/headstones conundrum figured out. In the Winkerverse, Lissa is so globally exalted and sainted that tombstones in her honor have been placed in every last cemetery across the entire planet. That way the mere mortals of the Winkerearth can worship their One and Only Saint all day, every day.

  80. Calico
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#79):
    Don’t forget the little pendants with relics, or cloth touched to a relic
    (This is a Catholic thing – I have several old relics and cloth bits)

  81. greghousesgf
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#67): I don’t think little girls even play with jacks anymore.
    How come the mom in EC can’t remember breakfast being spilled all over her bed last year?
    I still find Jeremy’s boingy eyeballs less freaky than his mom’s giant sausage lips.
    and, apologies to David Bowie, but, ashes to ashes, funk to Funky, we know Batuik’s a bathos junkie…..

  82. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    FC No, no, no, kids. The most beautiful woman… hint… hint… come on, play along with me on this.

    Thel? Thel who? Oh, yeah, Mommy. Sure. Whatever.

  83. Mikey
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    DB- Nice to see that Mark Trail and Doonesbury have done the classic “Character Swap”. I guess this explains where Rusty’s been for the last few weeks.

  84. I speak Jive
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Prince Valiant and Mary Worth are on the same page in my newspaper, and it was a revelation to see Beth and Val practically next to each other. They have exactly the same hairdo. It is more attractive on Val than on Beth. And that’s considering that in medieval times he probably washed it no more than once a year.

  85. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#70): Saint Dead Lisa Porn, or Saint Undead Lisa Porn?

    (On a related note, my browser dictionary apparently knows “undead.”)

  86. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#67):

    Funkyverse porn makes you feel guilty and ashamed before, after, and while watching it

    …So, kind of like the whole Japanese tentacle thing?

  87. Jessica
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    So Dennis and his father are offering Dennis’s mother what for breakfast in bed here, exactly? Coffee and a cup of slim fast, along with a single flower?

    Happy Mother’s Day! We thought you should lose some weight.

  88. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#88): of course, given Lio’s age, they’re watching Squid Girl Invasion, but still. . . .

  90. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    FW: I know it’s not funny (as if anything about FW could be funny), but I just don’t get this Darin plot at all. Wasn’t it impossible for Lisa to track Darin down by any means until he contacted her? How did Frankie learn everything about him through one newscast that (I presume) didn’t even mention him? I’m imagining Darin’s facebook page as stalker-bait, a completely public and totally unfiltered account of his personal history (“Works at: Montoni’s Pizza. Married to: Jessica Darling Fairgood, (daughter of John Fairgood the news reporter), filmmaker about her father’s tragic murder. Lives at: the apartment above Montoni’s. Hobbies: Hanging out with my adoptive parents, the Fairgoods; haunting the grave of my birth mother, Lisa Moore, who died tragically from cancer.), because otherwise Frankie is just this sinister creep conjuring information out of the air. Then there’s Darin’s motivations. What do you want to bet he spent more today on that enormous wreath for a woman he met once and who died more than a decade ago than he did on gifts for the woman who raised him? I mean, it’s obvious, right, that Batuik was determined to do a Lisa-glorifying “Darin is grifted by his birth father” plot, and then wrote backwards from there, even though the setup he contrived makes no sense, and the resolution will probably make even less sense, but whatever! I just need to point out that this plot is probably one of the most unbearably contrived of all that Batuik has ever written.

  91. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#88): I thought he was really more about the ambergris?

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#89): for those who don’t know this already,
    Squid Girl Invasion is ludicrously kewt and moe, and isn’t naughty. not really. honest.

  93. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#68): A couple of quibbles, if you will. First, “An area of very low pressure that forms over oceans in tropical regions… is called a hurricane.”

    No. A hurricane is an organized violent storm, that may form around that low pressure area. There is a difference. The low pressure area is one of the causes of the storm; it is not the storm itself.

    Second, as nifty as NOAA weather radio is, you don’t need one. A hurricane heading for landfall in the US will get up to date, saturation coverage, of course including NOAA updates, from ordinary TV and radio weather and news programs, as well as newspapers, and Internet weather sites.

  94. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51):

    RE: Gravestones and Scattered Ashes… it is possible to have both. Granted, we’ve had absolutely no indication that any part of Lisa was buried before now, and her gravestone seems to exist simply so Darin can visit it in a maudlin Mother’s Day tableau, but it is possible.

    @Jim in Wisc. (#79):

    In the Winkerverse, Lissa is so globally exalted and sainted that tombstones in her honor have been placed in every last cemetery across the entire planet.

    Or maybe her ashes have metastasized. Lisa grave markers are popping up all over from New York to St. Louis.

  95. KreatureFeatures
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#68): Thanks for rolling with the punches. Your blessing and your curse is that this website both loves, and loves to mock, your comic strip.

  96. Cloudbuster
    May 12th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: The moral? Kid, it’s turtles narcissistic drama-queens all the way down.

  97. the REAL Mark Trail
    May 12th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#95): I fully understand and when I decided to take part in all of this here at this website, I figured there’d be some “ribbing” now and then, for instance …
    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): man! you must have awfully good service in your area, hell, a little rain here and my internet goes out! I can’t imagine it staying on in the event of a hurricane! :)

  98. Zerowolf
    May 12th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#58): Maybe Beth is wearing a “mood blouse,” and she went from mildly passionate purple to hot pink horny?

  99. Poteet
    May 12th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    MW — I don’t want to even try to imagine what their childrens’ hair will look like.

  100. Yukon
    May 12th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Happy Mother’s Day, Mrs. Mitchell! Enjoy your breakfast of one flower and a two-dimensional cup of coffee.

  101. Poteet
    May 12th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    MW– What will Beth’s next romance novel, the one based on Beth’s own amazingly wild real-life romance, be called? I know I won’t do this justice…

    PASSION IN THE PARKING LOT
    LOVE’S FIERY VEGETABLES
    MOMLESS MADNESS

  102. Chip Whittle
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#70):

    Ooh, I’ll call the AWESOME, and raise you: Frankie makes LISA PORN.

    “So,” mopes Les, “at least we have that in common.”

  103. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#101): I SHOULDN’T BE IN LOVE… BUT I AM!
    by Beth Kinley as told to Wilbur Weston

  104. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    *le sigh*

    we are back to a Tu’i-less existence.

    life is brutal.

  105. spike
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51): This is indeed what happened. Half of Lisa’s ashes were buried in Westview and half were buried in Central Park (during a rainstorm no less) by Our Hapless Hero.

  106. Ukulele Ike
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: This strip was better on Wednesday, when there was a ukulele in it.

    Allez Oop: Poor Wizer is lookin’ a bit blue today.

    Sinfest:, speaking of color, is absolutely beautiful today…

  107. Huckleberry Fink
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#81): I still find Jeremy’s boingy eyeballs less freaky than his mom’s giant sausage lips.

    Hannibal Lecter finds her giant sausage lips irresistible. Especially with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

  108. bats :[
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#16): re MT: still, I’d rather have Mark supporting something useful like NOAA rather than being a corporate whore for some soda pop or candy bar or breakfast cereal.
    Oh, hell. I would so buy a Mark Trail breakfast cereal.

  109. Horace Broon
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    PV: Yeah, Val’s going along with it for now, but just wait until a member of this anarcho-syndicalist commune gets into a fight with Arthur about whether strange women in ponds handing out swords is a valid basis for a system of government.

    Phantom: It’s too bad Flash Gordon is busy teaming up with Secret Agent X-9, because otherwise we could be getting a Defenders of the Earth reunion.

  110. Alex
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#60): I prefer the Rocky Horror version myself, but I think there should be eyes staring out of their throats a la Geena Davis in Beetlejuice.

    In defense of the artwork in today’s Chickweed, my sister makes pretty much the same face over any perceived infraction. Not to the point of unhinging her jaw, of course, but the melodramatic bug-eyed gape is otherwise dead on.

  111. bats :[
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#36): hey, I come off looking rather normal! (I can’t remember the last time I wore a frock, though).

    @catondan (#57): yeah, I think he’s talking about teh secks, too (cool when it’s about the Morgans…much less so when talking about these schlemiels).

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#60): I’m voting for #1, the vampire teeth…honestly, it seems the most normal of all three possibilities.

    @Kinghasnoclothes (#66): particularly on Mother’s Day, since she was such a super mom (twice!)?

    @Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex (#82): I bow to you, sir.

  112. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#60): I think I want to emulate Grandma and cover my eyes too.

  113. Baka Gaijin
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): They still make weather radios? I remember listening to one. It was like hearing an original Edison cylinder recording through a tin can. It was about as useful as newspaper Spiderman at a superhero fight.

    @Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex (#103): Ew.

    @bats :[ (#108): Mark Trail Cereal, made with the finest twigs and bark, the kind you find in the southern part of the state!

  114. bats :[
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#91): oh, hey, and I really liked Bizarro today.

    Plus, someone keep Bob Weber, Jr., out of my basement! (Although I do make oatmeal cookies upstairs in the kitchen.)

    Aand….PBS. Not quite a pun. Well, maybe. Just not one of those excruciating I’m-in-a-car-wreck-and-it-isn’t-over-yet ones. Neighbor Bob is fetching.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): what if you’re camping in a remote area? Where there are wolves and moose and crashed planes?

    @Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex (#103): and the sequel, “Hah! I Grabbed One and You’ll Be a Spinster Forevah, Beth Weston!”

    @spike (#105): and then he got mugged.
    Life is Beautiful sometimes…

  115. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#97): @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): man! you must have awfully good service in your area, hell, a little rain here and my internet goes out! I can’t imagine it staying on in the event of a hurricane! :)

    Noted. You’ll probably also lose electricity. I grew up in South Florida, so I know about hurricanes. Not saying anything against a dedicated weather radio — they are bodacious, and cheap enough– but an ordinary battery powered AM/FM will get you continuous updates if a hurricane is anywhere in the vicinity.

    By the way, nice art in today’s strip.

  116. Shrug (Makes His Own Gravy)
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#30):

    ” if the funeral home just rounded up all the unclaimed urns and combined them with Lisa’s.”

    The product is called “Lisa, with Lisa Helper.”

  117. Shrug
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

  118. Master Softheart
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    MT: Wait, is that actually Mark being washed away and praying tearfully for divine forgiveness in the last panel? Oh well, a watery death is the wages of failing to listen to your NOAA weather radio coverage for the Southern Part of the State, Mark. God knows that as well as you do.

    9CL: Perhaps it’s just the Stockholm Syndrome psychology of being a father, but I found the joke simple and very faintly charming.

    The hideous muppet-maws gaping in the last panel like some kind of multi-headed, Cthulu-esque horror from beyond space, on the other hand, will leave me with nightmares for weeks.

    PHANTOM! Okay, I thought it would be the terrorists in Niger that brought these strips together, but if the cruise ship somehow doesn’t end up as a crossover with Judge Parker, I am going to be very disappointed. Maybe April’s father was an old enemy of the Phantom and is faking his death in order to take one last shot at revenge! Perhaps an old ruling by Judge Parker Sr. against Mandrake in a trade secrets case is about to be reversed on appeal – to the court of a skull-emblazoned ring! Will Kit mistake Alan Parker for Cecil Rhodes in that pith helmet and try to take revenge for the genocidal Scramble for Africa and the horrors that came from the Berlin Conference of 1884 – with only Sophie’s encyclopedic knowledge of violence and colonial history stopping him?

    FW: This poignant scene works so well because we care about these people as characters.

  119. bats :[
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Someone suggested this a few weeks ago, the result of Moon Maid’s extensive surgery. Hey, even Babe Ruth stuck out occasionally…

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#114): @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): what if you’re camping in a remote area? Where there are wolves and moose and crashed planes?

    Then hurricanes are the least of your worries!

    // You can always get some long range clear channel AM station at night, right? Just turn up the music loud enough to drown out the villainous wolves, and you’ll be just fine!

  121. TheDiva
    May 12th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#65): Unless I’m mistaken, this is the second Mother’s Day in a row where Lisa’s offspring have genuflected at her altar rather than even acknowledge the living matriarchal figures in their lives. Much like artists, parents in Funkytown can only be appreciated after they’re dead.

  122. Shrug, and Then a Lot'll
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#58):

    “Meddlin’ Mary: Beth suddenly changed clothes.”

    Or she just had a really, really major accident with the ketchup bottle.

  123. Mr K Martin
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    DOONESBURY: You can’t miss with Duke and Trff.

  124. Ratiocinator
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Edda remembers the tiny scraps of colored paper very well. Something like that sticks with you for life.

    Are they turning into muppets? You might think that sort of thing could be an improvement, but oh how wrong you would be…

    JP: Okay Sam, you’re going to have to seem like an idiot here for expository storytelling purposes. First, you need to repeat what was said on Friday in the throwaway panels of today’s strip, so that people who can’t be bothered to go online and see what happened on Friday will know what’s going on. And then you’ll have to repeat it again for the benefit of the people whose papers don’t print the throwaway panels, and who also can’t be bothered to go online. Can you do that, Sam? Can you act that idiotic?

    Attaboy.

    Meanwhile, of course Sophie keeps up with all the latest wars. How else can she be expected to parlay the already vast Spencer/Driver fortune into an amount even more vast by entering the arms trade in a few years?

    RMMD: It doesn’t take a lot to shock Rex and cause him to emote in a comical fashion, does it?

  125. tallyHO
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#33):
    “funky w: looking forward to matthew mcconaughy telling darin how much he wants to play him in “frankie’s story””
    ————————————————–
    (What McConaughy would say the kid prior to meeting Les:)

    Now, c’mon, bro! Ya gotta teach me how to smirk like that! I want people to see that smirk and think: Heh. Vee.

    (Then after the laid back actor meets Les, you got to wonder if he’d even try to rise to the challenge of perfecting the smirk. Which is funny because you know if Les were told that it was difficult to mimic, such news would make Les smirk in an even more annoying and prominent way.)

    //ugh. i hate this strip. Why there is any insistence on making soap opera strips is beyond me. FW becoming one of those and doing so in a way that makes the genre seem not even worth writing about, is annoying. Look at how things Happen in other strips, things are Bigger in other strips; there’s sad moments in other soap strips and there’s moments of triumph–that a reader can’t completely relate to.

    In a nutshell, I think it is fair to say that often people want to read comic strips to escape for a moment. What glutton for punishment wants to escape to Funky Town?

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    some days, it’s just hard to get out of bed. (for bb,u.)

  127. Good Ol' Shruggy Brown
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    No comments on the weird PEANUTS homage in today’s RIP HAYWIRE?

  128. Uncle Lumpy
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Boy, that was a weird Peanuts homage in today’s Rip Haywire!

  129. Uncle Lumpy
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Good Ol’ Shruggy Brown (#127):

    Jeez, I’ve got to start reading the comments before posting!

  130. Ratiocinator
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#60): #1 by default, because after viewing that I was too scared to look at #2 for comparison purposes.

    @greghousesgf (#81):

    I don’t think little girls even play with jacks anymore.

    To be fair, Juliette is supposed to be middle-aged. She said that the guy she was with whose name I’ve forgotten again was in his sixties in a strip earlier in the week, so if she’s approximately the same age then that would mean she grew up in the ’50s, when people still played with jacks.

    @bats :[ (#119): AAAAAHHHH! *QLUNQ!*

    (To borrow a sound effect from Baka Gaijin, who borrowed it from Locher’s DT.)

  131. Calico
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

  132. Gotta Be Downpuppy
    May 12th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#113): @bats :[ (#108): Mark Trail Mix, with the flavor PUNCH!

    Since when is Too Obvious a problem in cereal?

  133. Sequitur
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99):

    MW — I don’t want to even try to imagine what their childrens’ hair will look like.

    Oh, probably something like this.

  134. Alison
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Kinghasnoclothes (#66): That would have been the best thing I ever saw in FW, and I am fairly certain the only reaosn it didn’t happen is because Batiuk didn’t think of it.

    “Mary Worth”: I can’t buy any of this. Tom and Beth’s relationship is the most forced thing I ever saw. Seeing them kiss is so unbelievable that I can only imagine they are not really kissing at all. In the 1990s there was a “Friday the 13th” movie in which Jason Voorhees was finally killed and his spirit came back and inhabited random peoples’ bodies. The way he did this was by sticking his tongue down their throats. Maybe Tom is doing that. I would believe that theory sooner than believe Tom and Beth have any passion.

    “Baby Blues”: Those kids (the first two, anyway) are old enough to clean the house, and the father is certainly capable of the same. Instead they get her a fish for Mother’s Day? Lazy bastards.

  135. Sequitur
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#108):

    Oh, hell. I would so buy a Mark Trail breakfast cereal.

    You could buy the hell out of these.

  136. demoncat
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    and for dessert tom and beth hit the bedroom to top off the evening with a night cap too. as elinor sulks and wonders what did i do to beth to make her not want to be with me for mothers day and now have to play host to mary worth.

  137. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Good Ol’ Shruggy Brown (#127): I’ve never even heard of that strip before. Gotta add it to my daily reading list.

  138. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @demoncat (#136): Judging by how awkwardly they’re kissing, I think it’s safe to assume they have no clue about how to have sex.

  139. Sequitur
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    A fart. Sorry. Hey! I cut a Ripley’s!

    “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” author Lewis Carroll wrote while standing up!

    And Brooke McEldowney writes 9 Chickweed Lane while throwing up.

  140. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    having seen last week’s Sunday Zits again, I decided to go with the obvious gag.

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#139): it’s his readers that are throwing up. Just what Brooke is doing while drawing is best left unsaid, but we’re all pretty sure what it is.

  142. Sequitur
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Narcissism at the Family Circus.

  143. Sequitur
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#141): I’d like to think that he has to throw up first so he’ll know that we will too.

  144. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#143): emesis paraphilia, do not want!

  145. Sequitur
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#144): 9 Chickweed Lane and Pibgorn should be labeled as hazardous materials.

  146. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#145): “accidental ingestion may cause nausea. . .”

  147. Liam
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#108):

    Mark Trail Cereal full of all the necessary vitamins and minerals you need for a full day of punching people.

  148. Mr. O'Malley
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#52): This came as a bit of a shock to my mother when she went to buy one, but a double plot isn’t any wider than a single one, just deeper. It’s all a matter of your point of view, I told her. Also the headstone isn’t any wider, it just has extra space at the bottom.

    It’s a Dear Abby-worthy question, though, for someone who re-marries.

  149. billman
    May 12th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#137):

    Rip is a damn good action strip with pretty good topical humor, but with a tendency to pop cultural references that range from spot-on and hilarious to completely unrelated and forced but mostly the former. The artist has now taken over doing the single-panel gag-a-day strip Brevity: http://www.gocomics.com/brevity which today has a horrible pun on a rock band that might’ve been good if one of the guys in the car WAS NOT ACTUALLY DEAD.

  150. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#111): Why, why… thank you! I’m honored! I’m sincerely flattered! Such kind words from the Mistress of the Mashup!

    I think today I owe a little something (a “tip of the mouse”?) to my mate Mr. Jude Snarkadder who pointed out both FC and PBS today as ready for a mashup. He worries about my OCD but nevertheless encourages me.

  151. Chip Whittle
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#149):

    The artist has now taken over doing the single-panel gag-a-day strip Brevity:

    He’s also taken over Kids activity/puzzle panel KidSpot, because I guess he didn’t have enough stuff to do or something, although the byline at gocomics.com hasn’t caught up yet.

    He also did The Lost Sheep, but that’s in reruns, so he doesn’t have that to worry about for right now.

  152. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#108):

    I would so buy a Mark Trail breakfast cereal.

    @Baka Gaijin (#113):

    Mark Trail Cereal, made with the finest twigs and bark, the kind you find in the southern part of the state!

    Aw. I sure miss Euell Gibbons.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XJMIu18I8Y

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Love is: … bad religion.

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex (#82): Effulgent! Most remarkably effulgent!

  155. GeoGreg
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#68):

    One interesting space-related thing you might do, if you haven’t already, is “space weather”, i.e. the conditions in interplanetary space between the Sun and the Earth. The magnetic fields, solar wind, and other matter interact with the Earth’s magnetic field to produce the auroras (Northern and Southern Lights), which might lend themselves to cool artwork. Also, space weather can produce magnetic storms and other events that can affect satellites as well as terrestrial electrical power systems, radio transmission, etc.

  156. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#111): I saw that one and went, “Oh, that’s bats : [ ” Not a doubt in my mind.

  157. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#114): Bizarro was good.

  158. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#117): Thank you kindly. You’ll be in the next one.

  159. the REAL Mark Trail
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#115): THANK YOU!

    @Master Softheart (#118): no, that’s not Mark being washed away

  160. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#148): Remarriage is tough. Lotsa negotiating going on there. As for plots and headstones: I think the first depends on the cemetery. In our country churchyard, a double really was bigger than a single, because people were buried side-by-side. In a large urban cemetery, I can certainly see how a double would mean two people buried one on top of the other.

    Ordinarily, I’d say you were right about the headstones. The problem is that the stone depicted pretty clearly only has room for one. Now, you might say to me, “Look, there’s a little room under Dead St. Lisa’s name, or on the front of the stone,” and I will say to you, “Do you really think Les’s ego will put up with itty-bitty font like that?”

  161. Mikey
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#83): Also, was Rusty ever waterboarded to get the location of his camera’s memory card? Any way, nice art today TRMT! Enjoyed it!

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Rippin on Ripley’s — Lewis Carroll wrote “Alice in Wonderland” while standing up. Not mentioned: Marvel’s Stan Lee wrote “Spider-Man” (and other characters) while standing up.

  163. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#130):

    #1 by default, because after viewing that I was too scared to look at #2 for comparison purposes.

    Then you should definitely not look at this.

  164. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154): Thank you, sir!

  165. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#135): What a pantywaist. Big Otis would probably smack the living daylights out of him:

    http://www.mrbreakfast.com/ucp/263_1516_ucp.jpg

  166. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#163): Good choice! When either doesn’t seem right, go for both!

  167. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#160):

    “Do you really think Les’s ego will put up with itty-bitty font like that?”

    Good point. No. But then Les will never die. His ego is that big.

  168. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#149):

    The artist has now taken over doing the single-panel gag-a-day strip Brevity: http://www.gocomics.com/brevity which today has a horrible pun on a rock band that might’ve been good if one of the guys in the car WAS NOT ACTUALLY DEAD.

    Oh my God. How inappropriate.

  169. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#163): Okay, that one actually made me laugh.

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#149): I’m a huge Dan Thompson/Rip Haywire fan, but I was stymied by today’s Brevity. I thought Thompson’s gag involved a young (very young!) Tommy Chong and Shaggy from Scobby Doo.

  171. GrafSpee
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Good Ol’ Shruggy Brown (#127): The Sunday strips being shown for Rip Haywire on Gocomics are pages from the “Rip Haywire and the Curse of Tangaroa!” graphic novel that was published in October 2011. A lot of Rip Haywire fans already have a copy of the book so these pages are just reruns for many viewers and may not generate many comments. At least there will be something showing up each Sunday for the next couple of years (since the graphic novel has 103 pages for the story).

  172. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#163): And you certainly should not open this one. Oh my, no.

  173. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex (#167): “Whenever you hear the Goodyear blimp, I’ll be there.”

  174. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

  175. Huckleberry Fink
    May 12th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#170): That’s not Shaggy — it’s Luke Skywalker. Before Tommy Chong teamed up with Richard “Cheech” Marin, he was one-half of the comedy duo of Chong and Skywalker.

  176. Sgt. Stoned
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ha-ha! Mark obviously didn’t have his radio tuned to the right station!

    MW: As Beth sucks face with Tom Harpman, Elinor is no doubt dying of a fatal heart attack, alone and unloved in her apartment on Mother’s Day.

  177. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    MW The attraction was just too strong for Tom and Beth.

    And now their lives are entwined.

  178. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#157): You are in luck. I was just scanning some of the old comics I’ve clipped over the years, and here are the Bizarros that I have. Enjoy.

    April 12, 1995
    May 5, 1995
    January 1, 1996
    June 18, 1997
    October 18, 1999

  179. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#178): Snurk. I especially liked the one from 1/1.

  180. GrafSpee
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#172): Reminds me of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy Christmas Special (especially around the 5:14 mark of the linked clip).

  181. Huckleberry Fink
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

  182. Jim in Wisc.
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#181): That is so cool. Like 70-something years old. The artwork is amazing! I remember Prince Valiant also being that well-drawn back when I started reading it the late 1970s.

  183. Baka Gaijin
    May 12th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#165): You’re right. Just look at the size of that guy’s sporran.

  184. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#174): augh!

    (re enacts a certain edvard munch painting)

  185. Peanut Gallery
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – “Moderation… I like that word.” Sarah once again demonstrates that she is no child, but some sort of alien dwarf. In the unseen final panel, she says “You mean we’re going to eat the baby, June, er, I mean, ‘Mommy’?”

  186. Peanut Gallery
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#11): I’m not looking at it, but I would think dentists would be especially squicked out by 9CL. Except maybe shark dentists.

  187. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    “Thanks for the text.”

    “Sure. Exposition exposition awkward stilted phrasing of information you already know, and that we both know you know!”

  188. Peanut Gallery
    May 12th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#36): I know Scudder doesn’t really look like that, but I prefer to believe he does. :-)

  189. shoemaker
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, I’m mad at you. You missed something very important. Shoe recognized that they were birds, as someone was giving flight lessons!

  190. Peanut Gallery
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    JP – Neddy’s friend’s husband has been kidnapped by a Volkswagen??

  191. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    FW: “Documentaries that no one watches.” Frankie has a more clear-eyed perspective than anyone else in the strip.

    Crock: Zapped by a stone idol’s electric tongue. That’s an immediate, rather disquieting way to pay for your sins.

    MW: From now on “dessert” will be their private little code word for smashing their closed mouths together.

    S-M: I’d say the most brilliant part of Daredevil’s plan was keeping Spider-Man out of the loop, but that’s just his natural state.

    Phantom: When adventuring magicians and jungle vigilantes get together for wife-swapping.

    H&L: That’s the bed they were all conceived in. No chance of anything like that happening today.

    JP: Me-ow! “Some of us read something besides the fashion magazines, sister dearest.”

    DT: I imagine using a laptop has to be kind of dicey when you have magnetic fingertips. Does she wear special gloves?

    9CL: Covering your eyes is one response, but if I had both of those mouths gaping at me, I’d break into a run.

    PBS: None of Brooke McEldowney’s characters say that to him. I mean, they’d have every right…

  192. Droopy Says
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#181): The maddening thing is, Comics Kingdom hasn’t updated its Sunday Mandrake page since December.

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#124):

    Are they turning into muppets? You might think that sort of thing could be an improvement, but oh how wrong you would be…

    Aim for Muppet, arrive at walking lamprey. It’s the Even Uncannier Valley.

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#188): Sadly, my beard is a bit grayer than that. Obviously an old portrait.

  195. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#188): I think it’s a great likeness, as is mine.

  196. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#195): Interestingly, I have another portrait of myself, in oil, made in my youth. It was a nice picture then, but I’ve always kept it in the attic, which may have been a mistake. I suppose it’s the heat and humidity, because now it depicts a hideous old man, steeped in sin, and ruined by depravity — sort of like the Crypt Keeper’s older brother, who really let himself go.

  197. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 12th, 2013 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#16): Mark just wishes he had a berth on NOAA’s ark.

  198. Droopy Says
    May 12th, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    The Asinine Spiderman: “–and in a few more seconds our boys will be immobilized, because instead of shooting DullDevil and Spiderdick, they’ll try to fight hand-to-hand against these two physically-superior superheroes, who naturally will forget that you’re threatening to kill the blonde undercover cop Dr. Lauren, which will distract us from the arrival of the San Francisco police, who I don’t think have jurisdiction over Alcatraz anyway.”

    Come on, Stan Lee subordinate intern, if you’re going to tell the story, tell the whole thing. Either that or just have the ginger-haired henchman shoot DullDevil and Spiderdick.

    Family Circus: Or just have the ginger-haired cartoonist shoot the melonhead.

    Funky’s Flunkies: Talk about his birth father. That’s bound to be funnier than Dullin’s notion of a joke.

    Gasoline Alley: Gasoline Alley: now raiding the nineteenth century for plot devices.

    Pluggers: Huh? Pluggers don’t already have the full VHS collection of their favorite show? Or even better, a BlueRay set and matching player with an HDTV display, so they can force their grandkids to set it up for them, then make the kids endure endless bitching about modern technology and contemporary TV?

    Mark Trail: Destruction of food supply, or burn injuries from a propane explosion? Either way the wolves could be in luck tonight.

  199. bats :[
    May 13th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#165): Nay! With one cereal to own them all, it’s gotta be…

  200. bats :[
    May 13th, 2013 at 12:09 am [Reply]

  201. bunivasal
    May 13th, 2013 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Anybody else start shrieking involuntarily when they saw Tom’s kissing face?

    If so, how did you stop? Because it’s started to attract neighborhood dogs.

  202. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 13th, 2013 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#201): Now I want someone to do a mashup between Tom’s weird close-mouthed kissing face and the Burber maws. Both are horrible.

  203. Jeff McM
    May 13th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    I could use a fresh phrase other than “obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin”.

  204. Brimstone
    May 13th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    If this is your reality, you have my condolences.

    people mock FW because they can’t deal with their reality

  205. Emile Zoloft
    May 14th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    What’s really menacing is the disturbing pink blotches all over the Mitchell family

  206. Uncle Lumpy
    May 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Brimstone (#204):

    I believe you’re mistaken about that. I’m pretty sure people mock Funky Winkerbean because it’s a steaming mound of self-important twaddle.

Comments are closed for this post.