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“Say, that’s a fish right there, isn’t it Rusty ha ha ….”

Mark Trail, 8/7/13

The cruelty of Nature is well documented, but the cruelty of Mark Trail, Man of Nature, retains its power to shock. Blissed-out Rusty nurses his otter and dreams of fishing, but mere days from now he will have neither otter, nor fishing, nor any last shred of hope. Mark just twists the knife, while Andy’s mind is all on dinner. Say — maybe they’ll have fish!

Beetle Bailey, 8/7/13

In the grip of his alcoholic hallucinations, General Halftrack misinterprets Lieutenant Fuzz’s invitation to Where the Wild Things Are costume sexplay. Lt. Fuzz takes it as a rebuff and retires to his quarters for another long night of Patton, tears, and self-abuse.

9 Chickweed Lane (panel), 8/7/13

OK, I take back all the terrible things I said about the Not-Ardins’ mouths yesterday.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/7/13

Heather’s hissy fit reminds Rex what June has in store for him when he gets home. Four months wasted figuring out Milton’s vomiting might be something he ate, and no boat or free meal in it for them anywhere? And now he’s supposed to look into the Alzheimer’s thing, too? These wealthy, entitled jerks! Why, if Milton weren’t his only patient ….

Shoe, 8/7/13

Well OK on the face of it this is one of those “reverse-engineered from the punchline” jokiform utterances we see so often in Shoe, Archie, and Herb and Jamaal. A real-life bird-woman would say, “I surprised my husband in fishnet stockings”, but where are you gonna go with that when you’re on deadline and that tee-time is coming up fast, huh?

But on a deeper level, blondie here is being really unfair — I mean, sometimes a fella just wants to feel pretty, and pantyhose is gross in August and it’s not like I didn’t double-check to see what time you were coming back. Wait — HE! He didn’t check!


Oh, crap.

– Uncle Lumpy

243 responses to ““Say, that’s a fish right there, isn’t it Rusty ha ha ….””

  1. Ed Dravecky
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail actually taking Rusty fishing, is that the sign that the Fifth Seal has opened or only the Fourth? I left my Book of Revelations in my other pants.

  2. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: So Spiderman speaks no Spanish, and the officer speaks no English, yet somehow they can communicate? I suppose the trick is to have nothing to say.

    Family Circus: I have the uneasy feeling that this explains how the Keanes keep their lawn so green.

    Funky’s Flunkies: Oh those wacky kids, breaking a local tradition! Next thing you know they’ll refuse to die from cancer, and won’t that be tragic?

    Dick Tracy: Looks like she needs new batteries for her implants. The ones in her fingers. (This is one reason the Moon-Maid garbage doesn’t belong in a detective story. Since the rules are totally arbitrary, how can you reasonably solve a mystery?)

    Mary Mirthless: Hiking alone in the desert? Nice try, ya idjit, but you can’t meddle the sun into not frying you.

    Phantom: Walker spent three nights standing around? Ghost-Who-Dawdles, did you consider checking out the place during the day?

    Mark Trail: Mark breaks it gently to the young otter that Rusty will keep him forever.

    Pluggers: When it comes to ripping off the classics, Pluggers do a better job than McEldowney. There, I have just given Brookins the faintest praise possible.

    Bigbore: A rapier? If Brooke is implying something about his wit, a pocket knife would be more fitting.

  3. Huckleberry Fink
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Crippled Menace: Dennis has been full of sexist comments —
    ever since Alice backed over his legs with the family car.

    Three Out of Four Pluggers… don’t think DtCM and his family should sue Doctors Howard, Fine and Howard (a/k/a “The Knee Stooges”) for malpractice.

  4. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    Looks like Fleurrie’s firin’ her lazor.

  5. Chip Whittle
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Wait, if Rex Morgan has to give his medical opinion before someone can have Alzheimer’s Disease, then we might have just prevented the disease for all time to come! Hooray!

  6. Morgan Wick
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    “When you’re done making friends with some marine life, let’s go kidnapping, gutting, and eating some marine life!”

  7. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:25 am [Reply]

  8. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sigh. And the crazy train continues to roll along its track, unimpeded by things like logic or consistency…

    Also, that face Fleurrie’s making is one of the most deformed things I’ve seen in this strip – which, given which strip it is, is saying something.

  9. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    Cats woke me up, so here I am at 4:30 AM EST.
    I have to say this – I KNEW Mary was going to break into this Sound of Music tune any day now…that day has come. Just…wow.
    I’m not sure if I should be happy for my recent spate of ESP sensitivity, or not.

  10. agony
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:39 am [Reply]

    I just came home from karaoke night in a very small town next to a large military base. Forty guys, two women, one of them me – fiftyish, fat,and not interested in drunken young men, fit though they may be. Patton, tears, and self abuse, indeed.

  11. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    @agony (#10):
    Did anybody sing “Climb Every Mountain”?
    ; )

  12. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#11): No, but I imagined her being pursued by very unpleasant people who were singing the Horst Wessel Lied. And we may see that if the sunstroke and dehydration are nasty enough.

  13. bbofun
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    9CL- No matter how hard I try, I can never actually imagine the sheer idiocy that Brooke will push his stories to. I’m actually okay with that.

    MW- To use a meme- “Hiking- you’re doing it wrong.”

    A3G- I seriously hope that this is a plastic surgeon’s office and these folks are here for treatment.

    JP- Did she just basically tell the judge his characters aren’t’ that interesting, anyway? (Oh, and wasn’t that first scene the one Mrs. Parker rewrote? Man, EVERYBODY can write better than the judge!)

    RMMD- Correct me if I’m wrong (and I’m sure you will), but isn’t Alzheimer’s a disease you can’t accurately diagnose until after death, and an autopsy? It can be suspected, but the symptoms can also designate other problems.

    PIGPORN- Would anyone (other than a jockey riding for Eldritch Woods Stables) go riding in black silk? it would seem awfully uncomfortable.

    MT- New-model Rusty seems to have shrunk a bit. Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you- the less there is, the better.

    LUANN- Haven’t we established that Quill’s coming back? Treating his leaving like a funeral seems over-the-top- unless his coming back is going to be considered a glorious resurrection. Or he’ll be a vampire.

  14. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#13): Alzheimer’s can be and is diagnosed well before death, even if a “definitive” diagnosis requires a post-mortem. The diagnosis has been accurate enough for several of my family members, and it included eliminating other possible causes.

  15. Liam
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    Archie-If you see Cherry coming, Archie, you should dig a hole in the sand under the blanket and stick it in the hole.

    A3G-A week passes while our main characters recover from Lu Ann’s dinner and so we turn our attention to some minor characters.

    FW-Montoni’s the place where anything and everything is done. Anniversary party do it at Montoni’s. Wedding do it at Montoni’s. Baptism do at Montoni’s. Killing a member of a rival mob family and a corrupt cop do it at Montoni’s.

    JP-Can we at least have them walk by a brick wall in slow motion?

    JP 2-”We’ll open up with them sitting in a diner talking about tipping etiquette and the meaning of Madonna songs.”

    MT-Promises. Promises.

  16. Cassandra Cat's Lawyer
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    JASON: “Mark, I have to head back to my office and write this story about Mike Morrison and his poaching gang … I have a deadline coming up!”

    MARK: “I understand, Jason. For I too am a writer! A writer about nature and wildlife!”

    JASON: “Oh! Wow. Uh … really?”

    MARK: “Oh yes! Quite a famous nature and wildlife writer, in fact. Really, a *very* famous nature and wildlife writer. Particularly among people who read about nature and wildlife.”

    JASON: “Huh. And yet you checked into this nature and wildlife camp under your own name, and no-one twigged that you were Mark Trail, the famous nature and wildlife writer.”

    MARK: “Well, criminal types aren’t literary types, Jason.”

    JASON: “Uh-huh. And now you’ve just witnessed a great nature and wildlife story, but *I’m* the one who seems to be more interested in writing about it.”

    MARK: “Er…well, I suppose I’m not uninterested in writing it. At least, not *completely* uninterested.”

    JASON: “Really? Because it seems that you don’t want to write it at all.”

    MARK: “Well, it’s just so time-consuming. And there’s this kid I’ve adopted…”

    (Mark takes out photo of Rusty.)

    JASON: “Wow. He’s, uh … um … striking?”

    MARK:“No, no, you can say it, Jason. He’s …”

    JASON: “…hideously deformed?”

    MARK: “Hideously deformed.”

    JASON: “Hm. He really *is* subhuman-looking, isn’t he? There’d just something so … unappealing about him. I mean, on a basic primal level.”.

    MARK: “Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So you can see how important it is that I spend time with him. I’ve got to prepare this kid for his future of constant heartbreak and disappointment, by making endless empty promises to go fishing with him someday.”

    JASON: “Ah. And I take it someday never comes?”

    MARK: “Look at that kid, Jason. You think someday will *ever* come for him?”

    JASON: “No, I guess not, Mark. No.”

    (Jason pauses, looks at photo of Rusty again and shudders.)

    JASON: “Never, never *ever*.”

    FIN.

  17. Liam
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane-”Your honor, may I also add that this woman isn’t wearing any panties and will be crossing and uncrossing her legs several times during her statement.”

  18. Mr O'Malley
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:10 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: This is just like my in-laws’ church friends. Their two main topics of conversation are all the medical procedures they got free from Medicare, and how taxes are too high.

    Tina’s Groove: Doesn’t get much mention here, but today’s strip seems unusually quirky. I like it.

    ZtP: It’s a fact-filled historical strip today. I remember Schlitzie in “Freaks”, and I think he was still performing at the CNE under the title “What Is It?” when I was a kid. Of course I didn’t have the money to see side-shows in those days.

  19. Doctor Jeff
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:36 am [Reply]

    MW:
    Climb every mountain!
    Ford every stream!
    Cock-block every boyfriend
    Until you make him cream.

  20. Horace Broon
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Release the hostages! Spider-Man is in the process of announcing his intention to take their place, and that’s good enough for me!”

    JP: “The more I look at the problems with your screenplay, the more I realise how right that review of the book was!”

    RMMD: “You don’t have Alzheimer’s until Rex says you do.” Rex Morgan, ultimate arbiter of reality.

  21. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:04 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#13): 9CL- No matter how hard I try, I can never actually imagine the sheer idiocy that Brooke will push his stories to. I’m actually okay with that.

    Yes, the sheer level of idiocy makes such pedantic arguments as pointing out that rules of evidence don’t work that way, and that surprise witnesses testifying about a completely different crime usually aren’t admitted seem pointless.

    It’s the dress. They buried the dress. Somehow, that means that, in the commotion over Edda’s va-jay-jay hanging out while she discusses it, Fleurry will be let free. This is upsetting, because every part of this plot so far has made it clear that she stole someone else’s property and livelihood because she thought it would MAKE A GOOD STORY and she wanted to wallow in the drama and excitement of it all, without really giving a shit about the cow or the calf or the other alleged abuse victims she left behind. Complete narcissist, in other words, though it is redundant to point that out for a 9CL character.

  22. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    @agony (#10): Was the other woman ecstasy?

  23. Liam
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Are they planning on invading Hell?

    Dennis the Menace-Wait a few years, Dennis, and you’ll never forget.

  24. Old Folkie
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary is actually hydrating this time? Are M and G reading this website now?

    MW(2): Um, Mary, there are no streams in this desert – check for heatsroke…

    9CL: OBoy – Brooke’s two favorite schticks in one strip: scantilly clad titillation and gaping maws.

  25. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#24): 9CL: OBoy – Brooke’s two favorite schticks in one strip: scantilly clad titillation and gaping maws.

    But, Edda’s legs are still crossed …. oh, wait, you meant the other gaping maw.

  26. Little Guy
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    JP: Insert general ranting about being bored by Judge Playwright and his Sorkinesque script while a nubile woman is trying on bikinis with the assistance of another nubile woman while yet another nubile woman watches.

  27. Dood
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: This would close our nation’s trident gap.

  28. Cayuga
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    MT – Anybody else creeped out by the way Rusty is holding the baby otter while he give it its bottle? What’s next, swaddling?

  29. mary_worthless
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#11): absolutely! Sang it in 5th grade chorus for our spring concert. In fact, we sang most of the Sound of Music songs. That was about a year after the movie’s original release, too.

  30. mary_worthless
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#29): I take that back. It was actually 6th grade. In our 5th grade concert we sang the music from Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews was in her heyday then!)

  31. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    FW: He should oppose wedding at Montoni’s just because it’s a BAD IDEA! No wonder so many people hate Trekkies.

    MW: Oh, please, oh PLEEEEEEASE let Aldo appear to her in a halucination!!!

    9CL:
    Witness: “You killed the unicorn, didn’t you? ….DIDN’T YOU?!”

    MT: …..UNTIL…..!

  32. revenge4Aldo
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MT: “Oh Rusty, you thought I meant I was taking you fishing? No, I’m taking Oscar fishing. Otters are naturals at it you know.”

  33. pugfuggly
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MT “Right, Andy? A little fishing? With just you and me? And no-one else? Oh, you’re such a good boy, a GOOD little bo-jeez, what’s Rusty weeping about now?”

    BB Not to detract from the scariness of the costume, but I’m pretty sure the General’s expression is the result of something he might have sat on the wrong way. Million to one shot, doc, million to one….

    RMMD Ha ha, I’m filing that middle panel in my growing collection of hilarious Rex faces. I call this one: ‘Milton not unhappy, but Rex unhappy….REX UNHAPPY!

    Shoe Jeez, even Roz can’t muster a flown blown ‘bug eye’ for that one. Not that I blame her….

  34. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#24): Yes, I think they are. They have done so in the distant past, though I’m fuzzy on the details. Speaking of which, they now also have scrub brush and grass in the desert, as I have been pleading for,
    so it’s not quite so much like a diorama. Though the tiny saguaro in the background is totally wrong–only large, 50′ish saguaros can grow arms.

  35. Illustrator Steve
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    MT – Had big Mike only known about all those thousand pound bass jumping in that pond he could have made a killing….oh, he already did. Never mind.

  36. KreatureFeatures
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: I too like to blow a dump after a large Subwich meatball sandwich.

  37. pugfuggly
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Archie Of course, the original artwork for this strip had Archie with his swim trunks around his ankles and his cock in his hand, but I guess this works too…

    A3G A lot can happen during a week: for instance, Zoey here has learned to shapeshift and mimic the faces of familiar visitors.

    FW To quote a Stark Trek t-shirt I saw once “RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! YOUR LIFE, AS IT HAS BEEN, IS OVER! FROM THIS POINT ON, YOU WILL SERVICE….US.”

    JP “Character development? Not that critical…why not instead just make all your characters rich jerks who can buy their way out of anything. That way, they don’t learn anything and don’t develop character at all….”

    MW “And if you’re in the desert, drink water or you’ll pass out” is a line from the first draft of the The Sound of Music, when it was set in the Sudan.

  38. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    FW – What is it about the DFL Memorial Wedding Proposal Bench and Lump Detector that inspires people proposing there to refer to their experience with prior wives during the proposal?

    Hint for real life – DO NOT MENTION THE PREVIOUS WIFE WHILE PROPOSING TO THE POTENTIAL NEXT WIFE. If you find yourself referring in any way, even in what you consider a dismissive manner, to your prior marriage, wedding, marital relations, anything to do with any previous wife, during the proposal – YOU ARE NOT READY TO REMARRY and will soon be rendered physically incapable of consummating the marriage anyway.

  39. word-doctor
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MT: “Say, maybe they’ll have otter.”

  40. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark Trail, you are one cold-hearted bastard, aren’t you?

    MW: Looks as though Mary took lessons in hiking from the “Jack Elrod School of Comics Characters in Motion.”

    ASM: I’d like to think that Colonel Los Angle-Brackets is actually telling his hostage, “You may now proceed to the terminal and pass through customs. Enjoy your stay in Costa Verde! Tell your friends!”

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    A&J: the Whoopie Lamp is lit!

    NAoQV: *continued gigglez*

    PBS: *snurk*

    SBp: one for Poteet.

    harumph. TheChron is borked today. off to the glacial TimesUnion.

    Bizarro: YIKES!!!!! (big metal hoopijoo, up your butt!)

    FW: all that abuse as a POW has improved his thought process.

    MG&G: boooooooooooooo! */old lady from Princess Bride*

    RwO: conceptual win, but I’m still staring at that going “wtf”

    6Cx: who were still better than Reply All!

    Zits: ewww.

  42. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#28): Yes! I think I’ll be able to handle the swaddling—not so sure about the breastfeeding.

    Now, excuse me while I ponder (for intellectual purposes, of course) the idea of Uncle Lumpy in fishnet stockings.

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .I got nothin’.

  44. TheDiva
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: It’s not just the gaping hellmaw. It’s the way it sits on the face, encompassing the space where the chin would rightly be. It’s the jaw/cheek area, which looks like no human skeletal structure ever created. It’s the nose, tiny and sharp and pointing out at an unnatural angle. Forget the mouth of madness, this is the entire damn face of it.

    In other news, Brooke dusted off his Basic Instinct DVD recently. And I’m fervently praying this turns out like the finale of Seinfeld, with all the principal characters thrown in jail for basically for being assholes.

    MT: Should you really be bottle-feeding an adult otter?

    Shoe: I admit it, I giggled a little. I will hang my head in shame now.

  45. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MT Um…okay, I’ll ask: And what of Molly Otter? I don’t want this story to end until I know what happened to her. And if she turns up as a stuffed animal substitute for Rusty to play with, I will not be pleased!

    FW Wedding at a pizza joint? Really? Does Westview have a church? A synagogue? Or even a banquet hall? What else goes on there? Was the St. Lisa funeral held at Montoni’s? Ugh.

  46. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    GA: Gretchen, haven’t you learned anything from reading all the “my father, John Darling” strips in FW? You’re supposed to say, “All that’s missing is my brother, Rover Bump.” Otherwise, your parents might have trouble figuring out which one of their sons named “Rover” you’re talking about.

    A3G: Zoey is an authority on style and fashion. I just thought I needed to remind you of that, since from what you see in today’s strip you probably wouldn’t be able to figure it out for yourselves.

    A&J: So, to which album and track does Eugene owe his existence?

    JP: “We need to cut right to the action and skip all that wordy stuff. Why, you might as well be telling a story about a ship full of dangerous spies, gorgeous women, and huge casino winnings, and you concentrate on a couple of people sitting in an office talking about how to write screenplays!”

  47. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    GT – So we keep meandering around the Milford area, eating lunch, killing time, doo doo doo, dumm de dumm….whistle, tap foot, look at watch…..until football practice starts. Man, the ennui is getting to me.

  48. Walker of Dog
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MW: Agave triffid, ATTACK!

    Plug: The waitress silently reflects on her experience with Dr. Howards’ nephew, who did her.

    JP: Judge, it’s three pages describing a character’s boobs. Save it for Literotica.

  49. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MT – “Um, Mark? I don’t want to seem sexist or the least bit discriminatory, but it sure looks like you’ve got a natural born male nurse there in your boy, Rusty. Goin’ fishin’ ain’t gonna help.”

  50. Casey, Crime Photographer
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#45): The only house of worship allowed to exist in Westview is The Church of Saint Lisa. And the communion wafers are tiny slices of pizza from Montoni’s.

  51. TheDiva
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I can’t help but notice…” ie. the most awkward exposition lead-in after “as you all know…”

    C’shaft: Yay, Crankshaft’s finally going to immolate himself!

    FW: Well, there are lots of other places in Westview to get married! Like, um…the school…the comic shop…Les’ house….

    MW: Great, now what are you going to do about the fact that it’s a hundred and ten and there’s no shelter for miles in any direction?

    Luann: Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen!

    Phantom: It’s the kid he saved. There, can we move on now?

    Pibgorn: I’m not surprised Brooke gave Count Paris an Obviously Evil Goatee. He’s probably miffed that the play’s text prevented him from turning the character into a dumpy strawtroll.

    Pluggers have the Three Stooges for doctors.

  52. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MW – Mary Worth, steroid user. I knew it!

    ASM – So foreign languages are just English within parentheses. Well, this changes my attitude about mastering Erdu.

    JP – This is been such a static plotline that I fully expect to see Herc the Mauler from Gil Thorp come wandering through looking for the Subwich on board. Oh, for the days of Avery Blackstone.

  53. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: Edda’s going to explain that the Smuckling brothers were, by the act of raising livestock, committing murder and therefore Dr Spocket and her economy-sized doofus minion were totally and completely justified in their actions. She will then turn to face the jury (made up of weedy bearded hicks) and though we won’t see what they see, we will see them melt like snow in July. Thorax will then declare an acquittal

  54. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I plan on following Heather’s lead and walk around all day screaming, “I AM NOT UNHAPPY!” It might just do the trick.

  55. teenchy
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    re EC: Uncle Lumpy, I’m sorry I missed yesterday’s post, but lantern-jawed grandpa has always reminded me of old-time baseball team owner/promoter Bill Veeck.

  56. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: ooh, that’s gotta hurt – probably won’t get a freebie out of the ice cream man, either

  57. sally
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#16):

    That’s really quite brilliant, Cassandra. I’m moved. Or, I would be if it weren’t about Rusty.

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

  59. sally
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, I don’t believe you for a minute. Any guy who’d ever worn hose, even once, would know that hose is a plural noun, like pants.

    Pantyhose *are* gross in the summer, but I’ll give you a tip — fishnet aren’t much better. Wait until September to make the leap.

  60. deelightful
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Okay, Mary, I get that Arizona is hot and miserable in the summer time, but it no way does that make it okay for you to compare yourself to Maria von Trapp. That woman had to wear curtains for Christ’s sake.

  61. Steve
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary amuses herself by combining show tunes and advice.

    “‘Ray, a drop of golden sun.’ But in the desert, you should use an SPF30 sunblock and reapply it frequently!”
    “‘You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do.’ Hey, that’s me!”

    It’s a meddley.

  62. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @deelightful (#60):

    That woman had to wear curtains for Christ’s sake.

    Yeah, but she’ll never be hungry again!

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Luann – I’m assuming that the die is cast and Quill will be coming back. Oh, joy.

    “I’ll be spending my Senior year in America, living in my girlfriend’s house!” Can’t see anything that could go wrong there. Fortunately, Quill’s only personality trait is “believes Luann has inner beauty and is attracted to it”. If he was anything like a real boy, the odds of their relationship lasting the year would be limited. Having to eat breakfast each morning with someone you can barely stand anymore should be reserved for adult couples with children.

  64. Écureuil Écumant
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    BB: Lt. Fuzz looks like he’s just irrupted into BB from Slylock Fox’s biome. The only thing missing is the fish skeleton.

  65. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    RMMD – You don’t argue with perky breasts like that….

  66. Écureuil Écumant
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    9CL: That maw looks like the perfect place to hide a hobnailed boot. Oops, looks like someone already beat me to it.

  67. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#Y274): That’s it, all right! Must be a common experience.

    @Louis Vuitton Outlet Online (#Y292):

    Is this still good news for the JT-Ozouf fiber optic investment in Jersey? My house in the UK was linked up to broadband 20 years ago.

    Man, Louis Vuitton Outlet has got one heck of a ‘tude.

  68. deelightful
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#62):
    Wait, Sound of Music is the one with the radish and the horse and the fire, right?

  69. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#66): Perhaps even a Calvin and hobnailed boot….

  70. Sparkle Plenty
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT: What about the traps in the water? Did anyone take care of those?

  71. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @deelightful (#68):

    And the language lessons and the big horse race.

  72. Écureuil Écumant
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#46): “A&J: So, to which album and track does Eugene owe his existence?”

    My guess? Ummagumma, Side 1, Cut 2.

  73. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Okay folks, I remember back when Star Wars episode II Attack of the Clones came out… I LOVED it! We got to see everything we had only dreamt about…. multiple Jedi and all those lightsabers, clones (and most important to me) the Boba/Jango Fett costume in action! I LOVED IT! then I was talking to a friend about it… he was less than enthused… I said, “man, what was there NOT to like!? Lightsabers, Jedi dueling at the peak of their strength… JANGO FETT’S SUITE!” my buddy simply replied “Yeah, George (Lucas) really gave the fans what they wanted” I think my buddy thought George caved and, rather than pursue his actual vision, simply “caved” and gave us all what he figured we really wanted to see. So0o0…. with that in mind…. what happens over the next 3 weeks in Mark Trail is ALL on me! I will show you things you have not seen before (in Mark Trail) and hopefully, give long time readers a bit of what they have only dreamt of…. stay tuned now, for 3 weeks… I’m talking dailies and Sundays… it’s all on me and I hope you all enjoy the ride! – James

  74. erdmann
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually, Lisa’s funeral was held at Montoni’s. And she was cremated right there in the pizza oven.

    JP: Watch out, Judge. It’s a trap. And not a trap in the Admiral Ackbar sense, but in the hentai sense, which you will discover once “she” lures you back to her cabin.
    Meanwhile, having long ago ran out of fingers, toes and other appendages to severe, the kidnappers have actually chopped off enough bits of Neddy’s friend to send back to his wife that she has been able to reassemble him at home. He’s not perfect, but then what man is? Amiright, ladies?

  75. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    MW: Seeing Mary burst into her rendition of “The Sound of Music” makes me hopeful that when she gets home, she will invite Charlie Smith to her apartment, and then they can sing duets from “South Pacific”.

  76. Mikey
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): Ahhh! So Mark will be dressed Like Han, Cherry will have the Leia hair, Doc is Obi Wan, Andy is Chewbacca and Rusty is a young Admiral Akbar. Perfect!

  77. Jim in Wisc.
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#38): You have wonder just how clueless Batiuk is, if he thinks that that’s within the norms of human social interaction.

    @TheDiva (#51):

    C’shaft: Yay, Crankshaft’s finally going to immolate himself!

    Maybe, just maybe, this is the story that leads to Crankie ending up in a nursing home.

  78. walt d.
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MT: It seems cruel to taunt a child (with the promise of going fishing) at the end of each story just to get a cheap laugh from the viewer.

    RMMD: Hasn’t this story been about the perils of acting as your own doctor? Didn’t Ms. Dr. Watson want to keep Milton for an hour for observation? Here’s Heather telling Milton that he’s fine, get dressed, and let’s get out of here.

    RMMD: “I am not unhappy!” That panel would make an excellent Lichtenstein painting, although I think a shot of an angry Heather would be still better for the face.

    9CL: For once, and probably the first time, the snake-face is appropriate.

    OBH: (GC) Yuk.

    OBH: (Creators) Although the writing is poorly done, and I’ve never heard that particular phrase, I would bet that a fair percentage of people will read today’s strip and agree with Cylene. A larger percentage will be unaware that dairy products come from livestock, and be mystified by the whole thing.

  79. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): Wow! Will Mark and Cherry be carrying cell phones around with them??? I can more nearly imagine them carrying lightsabers!

    And we’re looking forward to your managing to realize your own artistic vision for Cherry in that two-piece swimsuit on Sunday, too! May the Force be with you, TRMT.

  80. word-doctor
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @walt d. (#78):

    “Oh My God! He promised to take Rusty fishing! You BASTARD!”

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): I’d live in Jango’s suite.

    wouldn’t mind his suit, either.

    *straps in for the ride*

  82. deelightful
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#71): It makes sense though, considering that possibly the only person more meddlesome, sociopathic, and just plain odious than Mary Worth is Scarlett O’Hara.

  83. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    I’m beginning to think that the writers think that if Mark ever takes Rusty fishing, it will break one of the Seven Seals and proclaim on the onset of the Apocalypse. I know that if I ever read that Final panel, I’ll start lookin’ for Jesus. So you see, Rusty, it’s all part of God’s Plan. Best not to question it.

  84. Bootsy
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73):

    I have never seen the last 3 Star Wars movies (the first 3? Whatevs, let’s just call them the newer ones). But I did like the Wes and Shelley story, and as I pointed out yesterday, I love me some Andy!

    Also bears. I like bears. After all, I was named for a bear (Bootsy is a nickname my younger sister calls me as my real name is Boo Boo)! Can we have bears, please?

  85. Jordan
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): I can honestly say I’m unironically looking forward to it. I really enjoyed the over-the-top craziness of the camping trip from hell, so I’m interested to see what you’ve come up this time!

  86. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @erdmann (#74):

    FW: Actually, Lisa’s funeral was held at Montoni’s. And she was cremated right there in the pizza oven.

    Darn! I was hoping she was wrapped in dough and baked into a large calzone. And then put in a delivery van that never made it to its destination.

  87. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#61):

    It’s a meddley.

    *snerk*

  88. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Hiya, Onkel Loompy and everyone.

    I’ve been too swamped at work the last few days to do much in the way of comic-reading, so I just checked the few strips – like Brewster Rockit and Lost Side of Suburbia which I read for pleasure and not snarking. And I dropped in here, of course.

    Anyway, today’s awardees are TMRT, Seismic-2 and the Uncle himself. Incidentally, despite Panel Three, I am not going to go the Mark Trail route of giant foreground animals. They’re just too much of a pain to draw.

    http://ragheadthefiendlyterrorist.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/raghead-clear-and-pressing-danger/

  89. Lumaca Morente
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Phantom: I am torn between the old guy being Lee Falk or Aviator-Who-Cannot-Die.

  90. sldawgs
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#76): It’s a trap!

  91. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Is Mary Worth in training for a Judge Parker crossover? Her breasts are becoming perkier and she’s looking all babe-alicious.

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#89): it’s Mr. Falk.

    no doubt about.

  93. The Ridger
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    H&J: Dammit, Herb. I am so sick of people “us[ing] a thesaurus” and plugging one word into the space of another with no regard for register (the thugs threw him off the riparian bank) or worse for syntactic constraints (“They assisted him do it.”) Can “mover, engenderer, originator, producer, begetter, author” be used interchangeably with “creator”? Or “architect, deviser, shaper”? Or – the ones he’ll get under its first listing – “artist, artiste, maker, master, dauber, copyist, craftsman, artisan”? It would serve you right if he put “a dreamer consenting to dream of the sctual world” [Santayana] where he’d had “creator” to start with. Too many people use thesauruses, dammit.

  94. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#91): I strongly advise you to call a mental health professional immediately.

  95. Northernlurker
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m puzzled. What is Mary doing in panel 1? Is she walking? Is she power walking? Running? Do the strip artists know anything about human anatomy or kinesiology? Is the meddlesome one a 60-something fitness buff? How come we’ve never discovered this earlier? Does she meddle in exercise and nutrition issues people face.

  96. Lumaca Morente
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

  97. bad lynn
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#91): And this from the person who denied me a slice of stale cake last year. Talk about adding insult to injury.

  98. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#72): *snurk*

    better than side 3, track 3, a song that I couldn’t even begin to image making whoopie to.

  99. Jon I Am
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    FW: Nothing says love better than getting married in a dingy, smelly old pizzeria surrounded by cheap, greasy pizza.

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#93): I absolutely agree. It’s a battle that I fight with my students in particular because they’ve often been encouraged to “use big words” and “improve their vocabulary.” And it’s so easy for them, too, because they can just hit the “thesaurus” button on Word.

    I believe that this is “Professor bourbon babe’s Classroom Rant #183.”

    (However, my most memorable version of this problem was a student who would simply make up words that he thought sounded a) smart and b) like real words. He didn’t know he was making them up, though, and when I pointed out to him that they weren’t real words, he believed that I just wasn’t smart enough to appreciate his brilliant vocabulary. This student, of course, was also a little insane, or loony, deranged, cracked, nutso, unhinged, and crazypants.)

  101. Walker of Dog
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#91): We care about you and we’re all very concerned about this unhealthy fixation. Now go buy a tazer and use it.

  102. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#40):

    MW: Looks as though Mary took lessons in hiking from the “Jack Elrod School of Comics Characters in Motion.”

    Or maybe marching. Steeped in nostalgia, remembering times past, back to the shadows again.

  103. Odie Odo
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Lio: Pinhead strikes sticks again.

    Doonesbury: In Duke’s case, it’s “Remember the alimony!” (Was Duke ever married to his son’s mother?)

  104. Lumaca Morente
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): Keep in mind, that’s what they said about Shakespeare. You cold-blooded (but fashionable) arch-villainess, you.

  105. Ferme Noire
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#13): You’re not alone in your understanding of Alzheimer’s diagnosis. Doctors told my mom that Alzheimer’s couldn’t be diagnosed until after death and autopsy when she was taking care of my grandmother who had dementia.

  106. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#103): re: Duke — don’t think so. Earl just showed up one day, seems to me

  107. Ratiocinator
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: So Edda’s a prosecution witness, and judging from the way she’s dressed it looks like she’s doing this because Fleurrie’s lawyer told her to. Which means that she’s probably going to do something on the stand to sink the prosecution’s case, which may include lying about Fleurrie committing a murder as part of the plan.

    New Hampshire is one of those states where they DISBAR YOU if you suborn perjury, right? I just want to make sure of that.

    Garfield: But how did he get the weights into the car in the first place, then?

  108. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Jon I Am (#99): Of course, the best part about getting married in Montoni’s is that it resolves any doubt about where you’ll have your 50th anniversary party. Heck, they will probably still have some of the leftover pizza.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): Did he speak of the pompatus of love?

  109. cheech wizard
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD – “So you’re gobbling herbal supplements like candy for your memory loss, but do you take anything for your other age-related problem? No! Why do you think I dress in tight-fitting clothes and hang around doctor’s offices and other places you find wealthy professional men?”

  110. Ratiocinator
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Oh right, I forgot about Spider-Man…

    ASM: If this were the comic books, then as soon as the hostage had been released then Spider-Man would instantly flip out of the way of the gunfire to safety. This is the newspaper, though, so Spidey is too slow and klutzy for that. Therefore he’s just going to stay right there while they train their weapons on him. He knows that if he actually moves, he’ll just screw up somehow and knock himself out, causing him to fall to his death. With the alternative being to sit in the same spot until he gets shot and falls to his death, he’s taking the route to that inevitable conclusion that requires the least exertion on his part.

  111. terrapin
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    GT: Why did they have to cut away right at that moment? What could be more entertaining than two ex-wrestlers blowing a dump together?

    …and as long as we’re on the subject…

    Love is… pooping out a large, heart shaped turd together.

  112. Downpuppy, finder of burrows
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#107): Nah, New Hampshire doesn’t believe in regulation. In fact, now that you say New Hampshire, the entire trial makes sense.

  113. Downpuppy, flying high
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#110): The Costa Verde control tower has shrunk down to about 160 cm across. There’s no place left for Spidey to hide, so it’s up to Wilmer or the Tarantula to save him. Probably Wilmer.

  114. Ratiocinator
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#8): I’ve seen worse in this strip, much worse. Mouths I wish that I could unsee, but which haunt my dreams nightly. At least this one has no teeth or prehensile tongues.

    @bbofun (#13):

    LUANN- Haven’t we established that Quill’s coming back? Treating his leaving like a funeral seems over-the-top- unless his coming back is going to be considered a glorious resurrection. Or he’ll be a vampire.

    Right, and when she’s going to be the one driving him to the airport, too. Makes more sense to feel depressed after you’ve actually seen the last of him for a while, doesn’t it?

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#21):

    It’s the dress. They buried the dress.

    Oh for the love of Jebus, I have a sinking feeling you’re right…

    I’d ask who writes this crap, but since I know the answer to that, what is mentally wrong with Brooke that makes him write this crap?!

    @pugfuggly (#37):

    “RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! YOUR LIFE, AS IT HAS BEEN, IS OVER! FROM THIS POINT ON, YOU WILL SERVICE….US.”

    In a certain context, said by the right person, with another right person also in the room, that could actually sound pretty hot…

    @Chaze (#52):

    ASM – So foreign languages are just English within parentheses. Well, this changes my attitude about mastering Erdu.

    That’s how it’s done in the comics to make characters not speaking English comprehensible to readers who don’t know that language. Usually there’s a note saying “*Translated from the German” or whatever the language is, but I guess that doesn’t work in a comic strip since you’d have to do it every day for those who came in late. (Sorry Falk, I know that’s supposed to be your line.)

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#53): No, something else is gonna happen, since both prosecution and defense said that Fleurrie had murdered somebody.

  115. Ratiocinator
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, flying high (#113): Or maybe, at the exact moment they shoot, the tower will fall over due to a shoddy construction. Once again, our hero will survive through sheer dumb luck!

  116. AhClem
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#102): I see what you did there. Shoes for Industry, compadre!

  117. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#114): “RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! YOUR LIFE, AS IT HAS BEEN, IS OVER! FROM THIS POINT ON, YOU WILL SERVICE….US.”
    In a certain context, said by the right person, with another right person also in the room, that could actually sound pretty hot…

    Yeah, that line of thinking was what got us First Contact, thanks a whole friggin’ bunch.

  118. yaoi huntress earth
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: Why do I have a feeling that Edda’s only doing this for attention and will just say “gotcha” after doing Basic Instinct impression?

    Pibgorn: I’m surprised Paris is half-way decent looking for a McEldowney character and doesn’t look like a clone of his creator.

  119. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#11): Germans in general don’t know about “The Sound of Music” yet northern Austrians, Salzburgers in particular, seem to know a lot about it. I can’t imagine why there is a dichotomy.

    @pugfuggly (#37) on Mary Worth: I’d watch that movie.

    @Amos Snarkadder (#45): Mollie is looking for the rainbow swirl ice cream Big Mike promised her. She’s halfway to Goleta by now.

    @Casey, Crime Photographer (#50): Consub Transubstantiation would be so much better with tiny pizzas versus the white cardboard now in use.

    @Steve (#61): Too bad there’s no COTW this week. You’d be a contender.

  120. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): “Give long time readers a bit of what they have only dreamt of…” Cherry and Kelly Welly in torn t-shirts in a cold summer rain, sensually fighting over Mark in a clearing in the woods? For Dingo, Mark and Ranger Tom at the T Rading Post in assless chaps with a jar of Nutella.

    @Chaze (#91): AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

    @Ratiocinator (#107) on Garfield: The guy at the loading dock put his weights in Jon’s back end. Then he loaded the box of dumbells into his car.

  121. greghousesgf
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#117): that was one of the better Trek movies, though.

  122. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#28):
    And then after that:Otteranity.

    //not saying ^ is funny. but i’m just throwin’ it out there.

  123. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122): A little out of the otternary….

  124. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#52):
    Mary Worth, steroid user

    Turn that around…Mary doesn’t use steroids. Steroids are harvested from and manufactured from Mary.

  125. Odie Odo
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#3): Dennis the Crippled Menace: Dennis has been full of sexist comments — ever since Alice backed over his legs with the family car.

    Dennis has ALWAYS been hung up on gender roles:

    http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/files/2009/09/6a00d8341c630a53ef0120a5413162970b-550wi.jpeg

  126. Poteet
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    MW — Thanks a lot, Mary. Although I’d have to be tied to a chair to watch SOUND OF MUSIC again, I have, on occasion, when in a certain kind of good mood, warbled “Climb Every Mountain” in the shower. So much for that.

  127. Bill Peschel
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#116): “Shoes for the Dead!” “Shoes for Industry”

    “Hi, I’m Joe Beets.”

    (And on and on and on ….)

    (For the rest of you, check out the Firesign Theater. Particularly “How Can You Be in Two Places at once When You’re Not anywhere at all” and “The Giant Rat of Sumatra”. Brilliant, sometimes surreal satire.)

  128. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#123):

    It helps if you are listening to “Inner Otter Davita” by I. Ron Butterfly

    *apologies to the “Simpsons”…sorta…kinda…
    nah, Never!

    I apologize to no TV show!

  129. revenge4Aldo
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh hey, Luann is about to perform “You’re the One That I Want.”

  130. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    C’mon now, for a comics character who, for years, was seen in nothing but a sack dress that she filled out pretty completely, ole Mare is looking trim in her swimsuit and sportswear – as good as a woman of approximately 115 can look.

    Hey! If there ever were a JP crossover, the stakes are very high. Don’t forget, even our pal Avery had nice boobs. Yes, they were manboobs (moobs?) but nice nonetheless.

    And it’s nice to be back!

  131. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @erdmann (#74): Lisa’s funeral was held at Montoni’s. And she was cremated right there in the pizza oven.

    They even gave her pepperoni for her Tombstone.

  132. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73):

    Whoa, whoa, Whoa!

    Wo wo wo…WO! [/christopher walken]

    Initially I took your referencing of the Attack of the Clones as a coincidence on what I wrote about the other day. I replied to some one who said Mark will ask for oatmeal instead of pancakes….Soo, I went off an a Mark is a Clone jag…

    I’ll accept coincidences.
    But, you are also opening the door by explaining you were gonna try to placate us with obligatory fan service.

    I’m convinced Doc is up to no good (or trying to benefit humanity by practicing advanced cloning techniques that help explain the proliferation of Mark-Look-Alikes.) You do realize that you need to either acknowledge the twin-like nature of Ranger Tom Martin ™ to Mark and those random blonde Mark Trails who show up with mustaches and sideburns.

    Will you address the cloning project and how advanced it is? And, will you help clarify if there has only been one Rusty or multiple ones (like the 15 Robins that Batman has had over the years)?
    So far I am only aware of Rusty-Brown and Rusty-Red (hair color). But have there been others?

  133. Écureuil Écumant
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#52): “ASM – So foreign languages are just English within parentheses. Well, this changes my attitude about mastering Erdu.”

    Gonzo-boy Tom Wolfe used something similar (but incredibly more pathetic) in his latest bomb, “Back to Blood”. He writes his characters’ dialogue in English but prefaces their words with “(In Spanish)” … or Creole, Russian, etc. Gaaaah!

  134. Chaze
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Peschel (#127) @Bill Peschel (#127):
    The “shoes” references are from “Don’t Crush that Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers,” which was the absolute pinnacle of their careers

    “AhClem” was a running joke from the follow up LP, “I Think We’re All Bozos on this Bus.” Good, but not brilliant like “Dwarf.”

  135. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): Mark’s going to finally take Rusty fishing, isn’t he? ;)

  136. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    MW:
    Meddle every widow,
    Then go frost a cake;
    Get loopy drunk with Toeby
    For a little break.

    Reject all Jeff’s proposals,
    Drag him back from Vietnam.
    Squash the hopes of Aldo
    Along with his Grand Am.

  137. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 7th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#93): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): Yeah, the professors and editors of my acquaintance refer to it as thesauritis – ’cause certain the prose is inflamed if nothing else.

  138. Poteet
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#28): I’m creeped out by the entire concept of a family that probably has no permits doing what is probably illegal wildlife rehabbing, and in this case, with little apparent knowledge about the animal involved. Otters are weaned at twelve weeks, with Mom providing solid food after that, and I’m pretty sure this “baby” otter should be off the bottle by now. But there I go, ranting again. Change of subject. Hey, I recently learned that otter copulation can last more than seventy minutes! Isn’t that romantic?

  139. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    “certainly” Sigh.

  140. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#128): I’m In Love With the Otter Woman – Ray Parker, Jr. – #11 US Pop – #1 US R&B – 1982….

  141. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#138): Yeah, but can otters do the town and do it right, as muskrats are famed for?

  142. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#132): you are also opening the door by explaining you were gonna try to placate us with obligatory fan service

    Remember the very first time your favorite TV show made a winking self-reference? And it was the most awesome thing ever? Then, two weeks later, they did it again, and it was pretty cool. And then by the next season, everything was a winking self-reference, and plot holes were waved away by winking self-reference, and pretty soon you had to explain to anyone watching the show for the first time that the joke there was a reference to Season 2 Episode 5 when …..

  143. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @word-doctor (#39):

    MT: “Say, maybe they’ll have otter.”
    I forget.

    Is the industry slogan:

    Otter. It’s what’s for dinner.

    Or is it:

    Otter. The Otter White Meat.

    ????/

  144. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142):

    YES!

    When the show becomes the joke.

  145. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

  146. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#18): Tina’s Groove – I remember that diety from the old Kukulkan and Ollie show. By the way, if you’re dining at Pepper’s, don’t order the Chicken Itza.

  147. deelightful
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#61):
    “Perhaps I had a wicked childhood. Perhaps I had a miserable youth.” Nonsense, look at all the people who have benefited from my help and unsolicited advice!

  148. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#89): The old guy in Phantom isn’t carrying Lee Falk’s usual skull-tipped cane or wearing his usual leprechaun suit. If he is, somehow, Kid Aeronaut, he must not have died enough for his younger self to visit Bangagong as a ghost. He would also be famous as the last surviving veteran, from any side, of WW I. (I’m pretty sure there’s a time-travel story going on here, mainly because this is the Phantom and time travel would make less sense than an actual haunting.)

  149. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    MT: WHAT HAPPENED TO MOLLY THE OTTER?!?! Don’t tell me something awful happened to her, and the li’l guy is an orphan now!

    MW: okay, Mary, I’ll give you that one. Amusing and informative.

  150. The Ridger
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#13): Actually, we’ve only established that (apparently) Gunther’s family is happy to have Quill stay with them for 9 months. Quill’s family still doesn’t know a thing about it. With luck, they’ll say no and he and Luann can reenact Romeo and Juliet themselves, only with real poison and daggers…

  151. The Ridger
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#150): And I say “(apparently)” because we didn’t hear it from them, only from Quill… who may well not have even asked.

  152. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): You’re right. That student sounds truly psychomentical.

  153. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    MW – That’s not water, that’s vodka. The el cheapo variety.

    Meanwhile, Grumpy Cat has a new line of bottled coffee. I laughed out loud when I saw the labels/packaging.
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/08/07/grumppuccino-a-look-at-the-new-coffee-line-by-famed-internet-meme-grumpy-cat.html

  154. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#149):

    Well…don’t fret.

    If you look at Rusty as being Paul to Oscar’s Jesus then they are both in good company. Neither will walk alone until some mountain goat by the name of Jimmy becomes Oscar’s Judas.

    //ok. i confused myself. It would make…no, it would make Molly=Mary.
    Sorry, folks. I should not be messing around with the rabbit hole so early in the day…..

  155. pugfuggly
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#114):

    In a certain context, said by the right person, with another right person also in the room, that could actually sound pretty hot…

    I stopped to think about that for a minute, and when I looked down again, half an hour had passed. So yes…very…..hot……

    @Baka Gaijin (#119):

    I’d watch that movie

    The duuuuuunes are alive, with the sound of muuuuuusic….!

  156. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#67):
    Re: LV – I see Mary isn’t the only one tripping. That’s even more stream of consciousness than Ken Kesey could get.

    Oh, and here’s a cute Corgi pup seeing himself in a mirror for the first time.
    http://www.bite.ca/bitedaily/2013/08/corgi-sees-own-reflection-in-mirror-for-first-time/?utm_source=Bite+Feed&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Outbrain

  157. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#131):

    Joe Simek, one of the founders of Tombstone pizza, and Tony Montoni, founder of Montoni’s, were both referred to as “Pep” by contemporaries. In Tony’s case, the “Pep” was short for “Pepto-Bismol.”

  158. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#129):
    Ew, ew, ew…

  159. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @deelightful (#68):
    And now I have the themes from Gone with the Wind, South Pacific, and Sound of Music all in my brain at once. Wow.
    I’m an old hippie for the most part but still know plenty show tunes. I love big band music and older jazz too-the musicians were impeccable.
    Hell, there would be no Genesis without Buddy Rich, and no Phish without Bill Evans. Fact.
    Next, Mary visits an old friend in Chicago, thinks she’s Bebe Neuwirth, with white hair, and starts singing in the streets…”Hell of a town…hell of a town.”

  160. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#7): YAY! Lasers! (Love the eyes!)

    @mary_worthless (#29): yeah, over the course of elementary school music class, we sang most of them. I HATE most of the songs from The Sound of Music.

    @The Divine O’F (#34): I think it might be bonsai saguro. Another of Mary’s little known hobbies.

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): but what happened to Molly Otter?!?

  161. TheDiva
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#129): I KNEW that outfit and complete lack of self-respect looked familiar…

  162. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#159): And when Mary returns to Charterstone she’ll sing “Oh the windy city, the windy city, it’s mighty pretty, but it ain’t got what we got . . . ” (Well, it’s not as disturbing as “Whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away!”)

  163. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    It *has* been mentioned…but poor old Rex’s expression…let’s rub it in!

  164. I speak Jive
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#28): Yes, I was creeped out, too.

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): I’m looking forward unironically to your story, as the Wes and Shelley camping disaster was a lot of fun. But I have to say – if you are responsible for today’s strip, you’re messing with us, aren’t you?

    Crankshaft – Why isn’t this man in an institution? Mental, penal, nursing home, Bedlam … take your pick. My vote is for the one that guarantees a lobotomy.

  165. Mikey
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#164): I don’t think TRMT drew today’s strip. Only Jack can draw something like that creature (i.e. Mark’s hideous ward) in panel two…..

  166. Lumaca Morente
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#148): I’m sure there will be a logical explanation. I doubt if they have Stephen King writing Phantom plots.

  167. word-doctor
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143):

    “No, Rusty. The OTTER is supposed to smash YOUR skull like a clam on its tummy.”

  168. I speak Jive
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#165): I didn’t think of that. I was distracted by the reference to taking Rusty fishing. That cuddling of the otter in the last panel doesn’t look like something that TRMT would draw, either.

  169. TimP
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): I know this phenomenon all too well. We have a new, very young sales person who is going to be a real star someday. Bright, attentive, personable and a strong writer… or would be a strong writer, but this person has a tendency to throw in words that stop me in my tracks when I review the documents. You can kinda tell what they were going for, but the words just aren’t right. What makes it worse is that this person’s boss does not speak English as a first language so the boss can’t catch this stuff before it goes to a client.

  170. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @TimP (#169):
    Reminds me of both Family Circus and The Sopranos, with the invented words and malapropisms.
    “I’m a bit miffled” (new word)
    “I’ve been ostrified” (new word)
    “I have an albacore around my neck” (malapropism)
    etc.
    (Also refer to Billy Keane’s silly puns when Daddy goes on vaca)

  171. Fashion Police
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Today we learn that Zoe, fabulous Manhattan dress designer, shops at the same bargain basement as Mrs. LuAnn Wright, whom she despises for dressing like a Soviet-era hammer thrower. We are not amused.

    Nor are we amused by Mr. Walker’s* teal hatband. How can anyone lurk menacingly in the shadows in a teal hatband? No wonder he was caught out by an elderly gentleman with a scrawny excuse for an attack dog.

    *in the Bandar tongue.

  172. Écureuil Écumant
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary, striding confidently through that last panel on her way to the glorious future, would make a perfect poster girl for the Young Pioneers, ca. 1930.

  173. Mariya Despalova
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#171): “… dressing like a Soviet-era hammer thrower. ” – ha, ha, ha!

  174. Erich Clapton
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): “. . .crazypants.” !! Too damned funny!

  175. Life in Shrugland
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#38):

    “DO NOT MENTION THE PREVIOUS WIFE WHILE PROPOSING TO THE POTENTIAL NEXT WIFE.”

    I avoided the temptation, since the second Mrs. Shrug proposed to me. (That works too.)

  176. Batman Beatles
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#162):
    I can see Mary singing the Cell Block Tango in regards to Aldo.

  177. Majicou
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#93): It’s been said of Jim Theis, author of “The Eye of Argon,” that he must have written using a brand-new thesaurus and no dictionary, and it shows. No opportunity to swap in a fancier-sounding but completely inappropriate and unnecessary word was missed. “Clouded sward” for “dusty ground,” “crimson droplets of escaping life fluid” for blood, etc. An official of an evil cult might, depending on the paragraph, be a “shaman,” an “acolyte,” or a “priest.”

  178. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#135): stay tuned!

    @bats :[ (#160): Sadly, Molly has moved on to the big “creek in the sky”

    @I speak Jive (#164): again… STAY TUNED! ‘tIS MY WORK

    @Mikey (#165):

  179. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#165): Yes… ’tis my work

  180. Joe Beats
    August 7th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#116): Shoes for the Dead!

  181. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#170): My colleagues and I trade stories of some of the spellcheck-spawned blunders. Two of my favorites, which I might have mentioned here before, and which showed up consistently throughout the two essays: female gentile mutilation (bonus: women could be osterized) and geek mythology.

  182. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#178): OH, NO!!! Oh, geez…did the poachers get her? Did I miss a day, or was that event off-panel? Dang.
    Sad.

    Even Mark couldn’t help.

    I guess there are things stronger than even he…

  183. UncleJeff
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#163): Rex Morgan: He’s not really a doctor but – damn, he sure looks like one!

  184. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: Tomorrow, Mary’s hike ‘n sing adventure continues!

    Wilber is lonely
    And Dawn, she is moping.
    Toeby is panicked
    And Drew barely coping.
    Here comes poor Jeff, heart held out to me….
    These are a few of my favorite things!

    When a wife sighs,
    When a kid cries,
    When you’re feeling sad:
    Just know that to meddle is my favorite thing,
    And you make me feel so glad!

  185. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#182): Fleeing javelinas! Love it!

  186. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#136): Hahahaha! Brilliant!

  187. Mel aka Mel
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    RIP: Stan Lynde and “Rick O’Shay”

  188. Liam
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I understand, Jason, that you are going to write a story that I said I was going write. I hope you understand why I have to kill you now.”

  189. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#178):

    Sadly, Molly has moved on to the big “creek in the sky”

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
    // But surely, TRMT, you have the power to bring her back!
    //// Maybe just a cameo appearance, say, frolicking with Sassy.

  190. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#184): Oh, again! Excellent!

  191. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#150):

    With luck, they’ll say no and he and Luann can reenact Romeo and Juliet themselves, only with real poison and daggers…

    Or maybe Othello. Or King Lear. Oh, hell, Titus Andronicus.

  192. Liam
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dear God I’m hoping for Mary to pass out and die.

  193. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    I hang my head in shame…I think Prince Paris is hawt.

  194. the REAL Mark Trail
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#182): @Amos Snarkadder (#189): you must’ve missed a day ’cause, shortly after Jason goes to Lost Forest and Rusty asks him to help find the otters, they go to the creek and see a poacher running off with “something” in his hands, then right after, they find Oscar. The exact date for those of you that want to go back and view the grisly sight is Wednesday 7/17/2013 :(

  195. Sgt.Stoned
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ha-ha. Mark is fucking with Rusty’s head again.

    Shoe: Maybe hubby is really a fish trapped in a bird’s body.

    GT: This storyline has been going on for more than a month, and I still don’t know what the hell is going on.

  196. billman
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181):

    LOL, the hilarious thing is that Oster is a maker or garbage disposals (the ones in sinks). I think they are even branded Osterizer. So genital mutilation by Osterizing would be horrific.

  197. Amos Snarkadder
    August 7th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#194): Yes, I saw, but hoped!
    // I’m in the denial stage.

  198. Alison
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: I like to imagine Heather’s childish “You do not have Alzheimer’s!” speech will be met with Milton saying, “Do too!” and Heather shouting, “Do not!” and Milton shouting, “Do too!”, ad nauseam. Also, Rex looks more miserable than I have ever seen him. Maybe Widdle Sarah got a rejection letter this morning. (“Dear sir/madam, please don’t submit anything else until until you are at least 18. Thank you.”)

    “Mary Worth”: If I didn’t know better, I would say Mary had actually cracked a joke! Surprise, surprise!

  199. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

  200. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181):
    Oh Lordy.
    No one I know, including myself, created faux mots during my HS and University years. What gives these days? I suspect a lack of reading and then analyzing various types of literature and writing styles are partially to blame.

    BTW, all spell check programs suck, in my not so humble opinion. I make grammatical errors all the time, but am an excellent speller.

  201. Calico
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#200):
    Thank heavens for BB-U, Nedemiah, Shrug, Spider-Brick, True Fable, Lumaca, et al. : )

  202. bats :[
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mel aka Mel (#187): Well, dang! Rick O’Shay was a great comic!

  203. TimP
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#200): Oh boy, don’t get me started on MS Word’s grammar… And, also don’t get me started on people who uncritically accept its corrections and suggestions.

  204. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Molly is frolicking in that big creek in the sky, where the water is always cool, the banks are grassy and sunny, and the trout swim right into your mouth.

  205. Mr. Yezpitelok
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

  206. Snarky Parker
    August 7th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#202): I remember when Lynde was the regular “center square” guest on Hollywood Squares. Rest in peace, funny man!

  207. walt d.
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    MT: I really don’t think that a wild animal would put up with being handled that way. I also think Andy would have killed and eaten it by now.

    Mt: You notice that “eventually” it will have to go back, and “then. . . maybe” they can go fishing. Weasel, weasel, weasel! Personally, when I was a lad, if I wanted to go fishing I dug some worms and was on the creek bank ten minutes later. Apparently if you live in a forest it’s much more complicated.

  208. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Let us bid our farewells to dear Molly, the otter
    A true paragon as both mother and daughter
    She loved her existence and all that it brought her
    She swam as she should and lived as she oughter!
    But Big Mike, the poacher, decided to slaughter
    our poor little Molly, and shrewdly, he caught her
    in a cruel metal trap, hidden under the water.
    The he skinned her and hung up her pelt, the damned rotter!

    May our love for dear Molly grow, not colder but hotter!
    And may poor baby Oscar remember his mater,
    So hail and farewell to dear Molly, the otter.

  209. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Snarky Parker (#206):

    As you can see from this mashup I did in June of 2011 (I have no idea why), Paul is alive and has become a mountain man with the help of Mark Trail.

    I blame bats :[

  210. jim, some guy in iowa
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181): “geek mythology” isn’t for real? hm. I thought the whole point of the internet was to provide a place to discuss that topic

  211. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#208):

    I heard she smelled funny!

  212. Mel aka Mel
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#202): @Mr. Yezpitelok (#205):

    Mr. Lynde held his own in the pun named character department: Quyat Burp, Hipshot Percussion, Gaye Abandon, Dr. Basil Metabolism, Mort Gage.

    Sadly, a zombie strip in the end but in it’s day some truly interesting art and stories.

    http://stanlynde.net/rick-oshay-prints_267.html

  213. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#211):

    I heard she smelled funny!

    No, that was a rotten clown.

  214. Dr. Pill
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about Crankshaft — which you certainly do — I’m enjoying this week because it has so much potential. Burning down the yuppies’ house, burning down the old lady’s house, burning down his daughter’s house, setting every house in the neighborhood afire — the possibilities are endless, assuming the artist & writer have the gumption to follow through. It willcould be glorious! And it not, if everything comes out OK, that’s fine, too, because I’ve got a box of paper stuff I need to dispose of, too and now I know how to do so. And I’ll have Ed to thank for showing the way!

  215. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#208): ((sniff)) That’s . . . beautiful ((sniff)).

  216. Jon I Am
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#108):

    Knowing Montoni’s, they may still be selling wedding pizza…

  217. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#157): Clever!

    @bats :[ (#182): Great mashup. Rarely can you go wrong with javelinas.

    @Snarky Parker (#206): Wrong Lynde. The former center square (ha ha!) died 20 years ago.

    @Sequitur (#213): One of the best kinds of clown, at least until they invent a way to teleport EVILSCARYCLOWNS to the surface of the sun.

  218. Vince M
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#205): Oh great, now I’m remembering this recurring Western tv sketch with Paul Lynde: “Yoo hoo, mister Indian person! It’s me, your little cowboy friend!”

  219. Downpuppy with Bacon
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#207): Otters are pretty gentle for Mustelidae. Of course, that compares them to fishers, badgers & wolverines..

  220. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: As Jason walks away Mark is puzzled by one question forming a large conundrum in his mind. “What’s a writing deadline?”

  221. Government Cheese
    August 7th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: I do like how Mary narrates everything she does while in the absence of meddling. “Now remember what they say after you take a dump! Don’t forget to wipe! WIPE WIPE WIPE WIPE!” (Mary yells with each stroke).

  222. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: We’ll now you’re just torturing Rusty for sport, Mark.

    9CL: Fittingly enough, my Basic Instinct here is to click the back arrow.

    RMMD: Milton may or may not have Alzheimer’s and has definitely been abusing medications, but the real crisis is of course the ringing in Rex’s ears.

    Shoe: This is the kind of joke that really demands to be told from a flip-open door next to a leering Arte Johnson.

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: The sight of Mary in basic training mode is unnerving. We’ve never been informed that the armed forces have a Special Meddling branch.

    FW: Family or no family, if Wally tries to get married outside of Montoni’s, Funky will send two enforcers to his house dressed as the Noid.

    BSt: NSFBG, obviously, although this guy looks more bozo-curious than actual clown.

    JP: “Dude, your characters are cardboard. Accept that fact and you’ll be happier.”

    H&L: Trixie will gladly pay you Tuesday…

    Phantom: “So do you want to get it on, or what?”

    Luann: If a couple of days of Luann acting emo is enough to convince her parents to let Quill move in, I’ve lost whatever scintilla of respect I may have had for them.

    S-M: I’m sorry, I seem to have lost focus. This is the end of a romantic comedy, right?

    H-Cliff: Looks like no hawk I’ve ever seen, but whatever.

  224. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Jon I Am (#216): Montoni’s wedding pizza. I believe that’s a four-layer pie with figurines in the center of a bride, a groom, and an oncologist.

  225. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#213):
    >I heard she smelled funny!

    >>No, that was a rotten clown.

    Well if all a rotten clown can do is smell funny then at least it is sort of good at its profession. If olfactory jocularity is all it can muster then it should do as it musk and it should do as it otter!

  226. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#223): We’ve never been informed that the armed forces have a Special Meddling branch.
    A whole new meaning for “drone warfare,” this.

  227. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Peschel (#127): “How Can You Be In Two Places at Once…” marked the first appearance – at least on vinyl – of Nick Danger, Rocky Rococo, et al. That’s the historical significance, but it’s funny all over.

  228. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#226): Hadn’t thought of that but yeah.

  229. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#223) on Mary Worth: It’s an idea so devastating to the world as we now it that even WikiLeaks wouldn’t publish secrets about its existence.

  230. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2013 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#223): @commodorejohn (#226): @Baka Gaijin (#229):

    I’ve got my fingers crossed in hopes that this Special Forces which Mary represents will indeed take on that occult leader and a cult. In addition to being “drone warfare”, in addition to being a “Special Meddling Branch” it should combat
    Meddlephysical Threats.

    //i hadta. It was sitting right there saying: type me!

  231. bbofun
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#150): Yeah, but, c’mon. They were willing to pay for Quill to fly to America to attend a DRAMA CAMP. Obviously, they’re as sick of him as we are.

    @Droopy Says (#14): @Ferme Noire (#105): Obviously, this is one of those “we can’t say for sure it’s Alzheimer’s, but, as the treatment is either the same whether it is or not, we’re going to say it is” situations. My late mother had something similar with her doctors when they tried to diagnose her for lupus. (Cue obligatory HOUSE, MD “It’s never lupus!” reference.) (Note: the numbers used in this story are probably inaccurate- it was over 10 years ago, but you’ll get the flavor of what happened.) When they test for lupus you get a “score”- my mom was told anything over 15 meant you had lupus. My mom scored 17. Her dermatologist said “Ah, it’s lupus!” The lupus specialist said “It’s probably not. People with lupus score 25, 30- not 17.” He then went on to say it basically didn’t matter, since there’s no actual treatment for lupus- you just treat the symptoms, which they would if it wasn’t lupus, as well. Basically, the reason for finding out if it was lupus was A) it might suggest other things to be on the lookout for, and B) just to have a diagnosis. (That’s why HOUSE only had lupus as the diagnosis once- it doesn’t really allow for any treatment options, and, so, isn’t especially dramatic.)

  232. Poteet
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#107): Yep, I think you nailed it. This will turn out to be a CHICAGO-like defense-lawyer ploy, but without the wit, logic and entertainment value. Also, of course, public money pays for local justice systems. Rise up, New Hampshire taxpayers, and rebel!

  233. Poteet
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: AAAAAAAH, she’s talking to us directly! Run away! Run away!

  234. Poteet
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    MT — I’m not so sure that Oscar will be “fine,” given that young river otters remain with their parents through their first winter, presumably learning how to find food and otherwise survive. Good luck, Oscar, you’re gonna need it. On a happier note, Oscar will soon be forgotten in the excitement of FISHING FISHING FISHING!

  235. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#73): Great Googley Moogley! Wishing you the best!

  236. Poteet
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    FW — When he said he’d leave the wedding decisions up to you, Rache, he was lying through his teeth. Good luck wading through Spit Valve Lake.

  237. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2013 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#97): Um, missed you.

  238. Poteet
    August 8th, 2013 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — As previously vowed, I won’t rant until this is over, but I may have quite a bit to say then.

  239. Poteet
    August 8th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#238): I lied. I can’t stand this, I really can’t. Rant ahead, leave while you can. CRANKSHAFT, YOU COTTON-BRAINED DIMWIT, YOU SHOULD USE A HOSE!! It would take maybe three minutes to have attached a nozzle to your garden hose and to have dragged that hose out so it would be close at hand (with the water turned on!) when you started this stupid fire in the first place, since you just had to burn those papers. Now you could be using the hose on the fire AFTER calling the fire department. Yes, it’s stupid not to have a working fire extinguisher *makes mental note to check hers* but that’s a lot more relevant to the fires you stupidly set inside the house than the fires you stupidly set outside. Yeesh.

  240. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 8th, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Luann: Add Greg Evans to the list of cartoonists who haven’t set foot in an actual airport in a long, long time. Nobody gets to do the tearful good-byes at the gate anymore, unless one of you is a minor child and the other a guardian parent. These days you say good-bye on one side of the security section, and then you have to travel a ways to get to the actual gate. Thus if Quill’s flight is calling final boarding, he’s already missed his flight.

  241. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 8th, 2013 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Make up your mind, McE. Either she’s a sexy sex thing, or she’s a teddy-bear toting child. Trying to have it both ways makes your strip look even more pervy than usual.

  242. Dawn Weston's Evil Twin
    August 8th, 2013 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth is IN SHAPE! She puts my sister Dawn to shame. As for me, I’m going to have another slice of pink cake. It’s “the beauty of nature.”

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