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Terribly depressing Tuesday!

Funky Winkerbean, 4/6/10

A layperson might believe that Funky Winkerbean has already extracted the maximum amount of misery possible out of its characters and settings, but rest assured that the Pain Scientists over at Westview Industries are working hard at pushing the envelope of pure torture. It is of course pathetic that this grease-stained fast food subchain is the only place where FW characters can be happy (presumably they’re mistaking the sated albeit somewhat bloated feeling that comes from eating the pizza, combined with the absence of immediate physical pain, for “happiness”), but it’s all they’ve got. And now even that’s being taken away from them! Montoni’s will go bankrupt and all of you losers will be forced to morosely pick through dumpsters for sustenance! Ha ha ha!

One of the fascinating things about today’s strip is that it contains the structure of a joke without any even nominal humor content. It would have maybe worked if Funky (and yes, it took me a minute to work it out, but I’m pretty sure that’s Funky calling from the accountants’ office, and not some accountant placing a mafia-style phone call with no proper nouns and vague, unspecified threats) had claimed that Montoni’s was “guilty of insolvency” or something. As it is, it appears that Funky and Holly are each deploying a mismatched half of a desultory pun-couplet of the sort that marginally leavens the bleak horror of the Funkyverse, leaving them (and us) confused as well as depressed.

Crankshaft, 4/6/10

Meanwhile, over in the “fun” Funkyverse strip, suddenly single Crankshaft has decided to look for love online. The expression settling on his face in panel two as he realizes that nobody likes him is utterly priceless.

Judge Parker, 4/6/10

Speaking of priceless expressions of despair, check out Sam slowly morphing into a sad-eyed Margaret Keane painting in panel three. “He’s wearing the same color of minty green as I am … but he looks so much more attractive and carefree in it than I do! Damn you, you handsome, leonine-haired young buck!”

Hi and Lois, 4/6/10

Ha ha! It’s funny because they’re going to be sleeping in their car!

Pluggers, 4/6/10

Pluggers could die at any time, anywhere they park their lazy asses, and nobody would care much, or even notice.

224 responses to “Terribly depressing Tuesday!”

  1. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I am fascinated by the whole Pluggers write in concept. Do they submit captions and rudimetary drawings? Or perhaps a narrative to direct Brookins?

    “Ok so show a fat dog, no wait, a fat bear would be better I think on a plastic lounger, no wait a truck’s bench seat on his porch, NO wait! A fat bear on a hammock with his trucker cap over his eyes so you can’t tell he’s dead! Priceless!”

  2. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    LUANN: What shit, as we used to say in the Bronx. Weeks and weeks of set-up and we don’t even see these dorks perform. We don’t even see them on stage.

    Maybe there was a problems with copyright infringement, or something?

  3. BananaSam
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Driven out of their home by the bank the Flagstons neighbors vow to end it all Thelma and Louise style.

  4. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#1): Two corrections:

    1) Rudimentary
    2) fascinated is too strong a word, perhaps momentarily curious.

  5. BananaSam
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Driven out of their home by the bank the Flagston’s neighbors vow to end it all Thelma and Louise style.

  6. Chyron HR
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois – Ha ha! It’s funny because the family is going to commit suicide!

    Funky Winkerbean – Ha ha! It’s funny because Funky’s accountants have advised him to commit suicide!

    In accordance with Circular 230 Treasury Department Regulations we are required to advise you that any euthenasia advice contained in this post may not be relied upon to avoid penalties under the IRC. If you are interested in a written opinion that can be relied upon to prevent the imposition of tax related penalties please feel free to contact us.

    Judge Parker – If Sam hates Jules now, wait until he starts making snide remarks about the wine. (Recycled, Herb & Jamaal style.)

  7. Mack
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    “Crash” as in sleep in the car, or drive into a tree to avoid the stigma of unemployed homelessness? Either way, it beats hanging out with Ditto and Dot.

  8. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    JP – Is that Rocky playing the part of Jules? I thought he was supposed to be working on his marriage or something…

  9. BananaSam
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    whoops, sorry about the double post. and also about this basically boring post apoligizing about the double post.

  10. Ed Dravecky
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    “Game over, man! It’s game over! We’ve got to nuke Westview from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.”

  11. Baka Gaijin
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball (#2): The problem is not with the copyright, it’s with the projectile reverse peristaltic reaction from the audience after seeing that dreck. I, for one, am glad they jumped right over that performance.

    Hi and Lois: I don’t actively read this strip. Today’s entry ain’t exactly attracting me back.

    Funky Winkerbean: Is this strip underwritten by Pfizer, makers of the fine antidepressant Zoloft?

  12. AhClem
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    JP – In the first panel, we see Sam trying to wrestle his Veronica Lodge blow-up doll into the back seat without attracting undue attention from the authorities.

  13. Joe Blevins
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    JP: Is this what has become of the once-lusty Judge Parker? Panel 1 looks like a diagram from The Official CYO Guide to Intergender Social Discourse demonstrating an appropriate embrace: “If the hug cannot be avoided, stand several feet apart and bend from the waist. This will ensure maximum distance between your most sacred and private regions and will prevent unwanted pregnancy, the spread of disease, and eternal damnation.”

  14. Calico
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Josh – I’m glad you mentioned the H & L strip.
    How incredibly depressing!

    Sidenote – I used to go crazy over pizza, but really am not liking it so much these days.
    I’m not sure if it’s due to my starting “The Change”, or if it’s from reading Funky Winkerbean. Most likely the latter.

  15. Écureuil Écumant
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Dad, Jules hurt his back last week and the doctor said he has to sleep prone at night. On top of me.”

  16. Walker of Dog
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Phan: “When they start to go…” Is Walker referring to the ship’s rapid sinking, or did he get a rip in his Stripey-roos that took off on him?

    JP: Sam is crushed – but why? Jules isn’t attractive enough? Jules is unsettlingly attractive? Jules’ luggage is unsettlingly attractive? Sam, you are wearing me out.

    DT: It’s hard to tell which part of the evening Dick enjoyed more: the beautiful music, or all the tears.

    H&L: Lois is really rubbing it in: “And does your homeless, frazzled wife have a fantastic right breast? Like this one here, which I am currently hoisting in your general direction?”

    MW: Naked Ernie throws open the sliding glass door and storms out onto the balcony. “Would you two busybodies please shut up?! I’m trying like hell to make sweet, sweet love to my unhappily married wife, and you’re killing the mood!”

  17. Calico
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#1):
    “Sketch Pluggers.”
    Or maybe “Kvetch Pluggers.”

  18. Hogenmogen
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    H&L: They kidnapped Ditto Flagston and threw him in the back seat. They didn’t tie him up, because they knew that a life of depressing financial misery having to choose between a next meal or another tank of gas, submitting to the sadistic whims of a pair of suicidal lesbians is far preferable to another day of listening to his baby sister talk to sunbeams.

  19. Shawn S.
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Funky: You mean three customers a day wasn’t enough to keep Montoni’s open? Who would have guessed?

    Hi and Lois: Ha ha, it’s funny because they think an open house means the house is open to homeless people! If that were true though, Lois would have already called dibs on it since the bank will foreclose on her poor family any day now.

    Pluggers: I believe he already died and is now a Plugger ghost, as only the hammock has a shadow.

  20. Hogenmogen
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Sam Driver: I’ve seen pictures of him online in my gay chat roo… I mean, .. uh.. he’s just like I pictured him. We’ll have a happy and gay chat in my room. Our room. No, the living room, because he’s sleeping on the couch. Where I can watch… uh… watch out for your chastidy. I’ll stop talking.

  21. Hogenmogen
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Shawn S. (#19): Thanks for explaining. i thought that house for sale was their house and they were moving out. I try not to spend too long thinking about dirty, miserable cartoon people when I can just be miserable in real life all by myself. But I take showers, at least.

  22. Chip Whittle
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#16):

    DT: It’s hard to tell which part of the evening Dick enjoyed more: the beautiful music, or all the tears.

    The key is in the headline: Tracy was in it for the dynamite, perhaps the bulldozing of still-living bodies, and let’s just say that if a certain bassoonist were dropped from a helicopter into the recycling plant’s high-speed plastic-chipping rotary blades it’s possible the pilot might find a little something extra in his pay voucher that week.

    Anyone else notice that Lois’s question doesn’t quite actually follow what Androgynous Creature That Looks Kind Of Like Her Teenage Son In A Wig says? She talks about losing her house, not her job, and Lois immediately leaps into asking about finding a new job. How would she know unless Androgynous Creature was, like, one of the assistant librarians she had successfully thrown out of work last week in her bid to keep Amazon.com healthy?

    Also, the homeless family is funny being there because…they’re…outside an Open House where homes are…put up for sale…to people who…need homes.

    The family’s grey-haired kid looks kind of like either Dot or Ditto too. Is it possible her family’s sneaking away from her?

  23. DownWithOPP
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    If a neighbor told you they’d lost their house to the bank, would you ever ask “So, are you looking for a new job”? No, of course you wouldn’t, because you’re not insane. You’d probably say “Holy fuck, that’s terrible!” or possibly “Where are you going to live?”. But had Lois asked where they were going to live, readers all over the world could have never enjoyed the hilarity of a family facing the misery and humiliation of living in their car. In other words, Hi & Lois strip sacrificed it’s hard-won street cred for the sake of a joke. But, Jesus Christ, what a joke!! Hahahaha. Oh mercy, that was certainly worth it.

  24. Pozzo
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    FW: Until you said “Holly,” I thought that was a high school dropout that Funky hired out of pity. (The overweening emotion in the Funkyverse.)

    Meanwhile, in panel three of JP, Sam is slowly going through all the ways Lionmane de Firmglutes could have “hurt his back.”

  25. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Ned Ryerson from last thread: Every night at the lodge, about thirty bald eagles would come to the water’s edge and wait to feast on the remainders of the day’s catch. Thirty. More crowded than a Charterstone pool party and not a smartly-pressed Jantzen sports suit in the mix. If you have any interest in taking family members up there, it’s Lost Island Lodge. If you don’t have a family member to go with you, I’m very certain that my dad would join you.

  26. Ned Ryerson
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#22): What you said and also:

    The guy tells Lois the bank forclosed on his house so she asks, so are you looking for a new job. What? Why would a real estate agent even be having this conversation? Real estate agents that I’ve talked to have said they really loathe doing open houses because they’re usually pretty futile, attracting looky-loos and few serious buyers. I would think they’d have their defenses up when someone approaches them with tales of financial woe. I would think Lois would be inching away from this guy saying, “well I need to be getting inside to put out so cubed cheese in case any serious, jobholding, solvent buyers stop by, nice chatting with you…no, please get in your car and drive somewhere else now, thank you”.

  27. Nekrotzar
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#22): She talks about losing her house, not her job, and Lois immediately leaps into asking about finding a new job.

    You beat me to it; I was just to ask about this. If he had said ‘my youngest child just died,’ would Lois have responded, ‘So are you going to get a different cell phone plan?’

    And what is this homeless person doing at an open house anyway? Is it his foreclosed house? Is he suggesting that they live there while the house is for sale, even though occupants don’t generally move out until after the house is sold? It’s like the author is trying, with minimal success, to hop on the Funky Cancerbean bandwagon, which raises the awful possibility that there is such as thing as a Funky Cancerbean bandwagon.

  28. JupiterPluvius
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Well, of course nobody eats at Montoni’s. That shit gives you cancer.

  29. Trae Dorn
    April 6th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Regarding Crankshaft and Facebook: all I’m saying is that when Wilbur from Mary Worth is more popular than you are, maybe it’s time to start considering walking into oncoming traffic.

  30. The TJ
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Well… If the FW people need somewhere to go, the Toxic Taco place down at the mall will always be there to give them all sorts of dieseases.

  31. Dragon of Life
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Note how Holly’s fingers go from firmly-grasping (panel 1) to limply hanging (panel 3). That’s a stroke, folks.

  32. BigTed
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Maybe someone should tell Crankshaft about the bulletin that went out warning kids to close their Facebook accounts if the grumpy old school bus driver tries to “friend” them.

  33. Push Trot
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    DtM: “… and I invited you to watch me eat it because it makes it taste soo much better.” C’mon Dennis, you smug little bastard, give Joey a piece of that chocolate – I can see his ribs from here.

    Crankshaft A sad, lonely, unlikable old guy, going online in a desperate attempt to meet new people? This seems familiar … Oh my god! Crankshaft is going to hook up with Helen Clark!

  34. Krazy Kat
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft has yet to discover the key to developing meaningful facebook friendships: sandwiches. Sandwiches, and lots of ‘em.

  35. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#33): I would pay good money to see a story starring Ed and Helen.

  36. Push Trot
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Trae Dorn (#29): Didn’t see your comment before posting, sorry about the kind-of overlap.

    I’m sorry to have to point it out, but your advice to Crankshaft wouldn’t work: If Wilbur Weston is more popular than you, cars will spontaneously combust rather than make any sort of contact.

    @commodorejohn (#35): You said it! If only we could get a surprise visit as well from Bobbie Magee … but I’m pretty sure no paper could contain it without bursting into flames.

  37. Batman Beatles
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Trae Dorn (#29):

    Maybe things will look up for him when a guy claims to be his illegitimate son.

  38. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Re Judge Parker: “He hurt his back last week … fucking my brains out!”

  39. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#1): I have actually been suspicious of the whole Pluggers write-in concept for a while now. There seem to be way too few “contributors” coming up with way too many Pluggers gags, unlike the late, much-lamented TDIET. I lived near Buies Creek, NC for a while, and never ran across anyone named DeRamus. Moreover, the ‘Mudgeons who tried for a while to get a submission published almost never had any luck. As I recall, one of them did get published finally, but there was never any communication from Brookins back to the contributor to thank him/her, or let him/her know that a submission was about to be published.

    Anyway, your comment finally pushed my curiosity to the point of doing something about it. I checked the Pluggers archive going back about three weeks, and plugged (snicker) the name of each “contributor” into an internet telephone search directory. Of 10 names entered, I only got 2 matches. In particular, Lloyd DeRamus, Reed Hoover, and Brad Wesner, who seem to account for about half the Plugger ideas, all came up zeroes.

    This all may only go to prove that most people who care enough about Pluggers to submit ideas do not have listed telephone numbers. I will continue to entertain my suspicion that there are so few real Pluggers fans out there that Brookins has to resort to his stable of pseudonymous “contributors” to sustain the illusion that he is not coming up with those awful ideas on his own.

  40. Patrick
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    The fantastic thing about Funky Winkerbean is that there are so many uses for the phrase “Game Over.” There’s bankruptcy, foreclosure, death, dismemberment, the continuation of the strip…

  41. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Patrick (#40): …surrounded by murderous extraterrestrials…

  42. The TJ
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#39): There’s one thing you may not have considered. Non-’mudgeons who contribute to Pluggers may prefer to remain anonymous.

  43. markytom
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    FW: With Montoni’s closing I guess we’ll have the pleasure of watching Wally regress and slowly drink himself to death. In silence. That’s entertainment.

  44. Digger
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I guess the lesson from today’s collection of comics is that the key to happiness is to become a Plugger. Well, either a Plugger or a smoking hot chick. But Pluggering looks like a lot less effort. In fact, it may take no effort at all.

  45. Ranger
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I hate to burst your bubble, but I think Funky is talking about the New York location of Montoni’s. In the Monday strip, Funky tells Les that they are crunching the numbers on the New York to see if its worth keeping open. Sadly, it appears Montoni’s Westview will remain the pit of despair for years to come.

  46. MKH
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty positive that the Montoni’s closing in Funky is the New York branch, not the one in … whatever town it is that they live in.

    Also, I really though Sam’s expression was more, “Oh, hell, she’s turned into her MOTHER”, what with the ginormous amount of suitcases and not-yet-spousal abuse

  47. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#39): Four thoughts:
    1) Brookins listing “contributors” is like a laugh track on a bad sitcom.
    2) Kanomi’s Mr. Johny of Minsota Prefecture is more real than Lloyd DeRamus ever was.
    3) Pluggers’ contributors (if they exist) would necessarily be Pluggers themselves and as such would be the last human beings (or talking animals) on earth to be listed in a landline phone book! QED!
    4) Remind me not to get on your bad side…

  48. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @The TJ (#42):
    Good point. If I were ever to be moved to submit a Plugger, I’d probably call myself Josh Fruhlinger.

  49. Tallgordon
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Is that Ditto’s half-brother in the back seat of that car? Is it possible that Hi doesn’t always go to the golf course every weekend?

  50. Steve S
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    The Funky Winkerbean joke can repeat ad infinitum if it substitutes any other relevant profession in panel 1:

    I’m with the substance counselors
    I’m with the oncologists
    I’m with the cruel, capricious gods

  51. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#48): of Mararand Prefecture

  52. Carlo
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    I imagine Crankshaft being voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray.

  53. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Well, in regards to the Birmingham News dropping Judge Parker, I got a “we’ll consider what you said” reply today; it was kind of non-comittal, but it was an actual message and not a form letter, so at least they are listening.

  54. AmazingThor
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Comic adj. provoking laughter; humorous; funny.

    Maybe they should rename the “comics” page.

  55. Larry Fine
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Today’s guest writer for Hi And Lois: Tom Batiuk!

  56. Mr. Paul Maul
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    And here I thought I would get through the rest of my life without hearing another reference to Margaret Keane. Bless you, CC.

  57. Poteet
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Luann — I googled some images of Maria in various productions of WEST SIDE STORY, and as I strongly suspected, none of the ones I found had big hair or big hoop earrings. That’s probably because, in the mid-Fifties, big hair and big hoops weren’t being worn. So not only is Luann a remarkably-unattractive Maria, she’s an UNNECESSARILY-unattractive Maria. Because, Luann, while some people can rock big hair and hoops, you are not one of them.

  58. Larry Fine
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Coming up for Hi and Lois: Cancer!

  59. Poteet
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers — Among the many things I don’t understand about this strip is that Pluggers are simultaneously portrayed as the hardest-working folks on earth and as the largest lethargic lumps of lard ever to inhabit the planet. So they work hard and they lounge hard…when do they have time to sleep?

  60. Glen
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#53):

    Commodore,

    Yes. I spoke to someone in the newsroom at the News. They have been hearing from quite a few people about the Judge.

    The person I spoke with said “it is being discussed”. Let’s keep the heat on: Email Tom Scarritt, the Editor (tscarritt@bhamnews.com) or Hunter George, the Executive Editor (hgeorge@bhamnews.com).

    Thanks for your help. Hopefully they will put Judge Parker back in the comics.

  61. Poteet
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    JP — Sam, if it’s any consolation, Jules does just as little for me as you do. That may change, but I’m not counting on it.

  62. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#59): It can only be described as a Pluggier-than-thou attitude.

  63. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Sam is auditioning for Dondi: the Musical.

  64. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#57): Last that I remember, Maria is supposed to be the virginal Puerto Rican woman as opposed to Anita, the hip-swaggering bon vivant with a thing for the boys and the lengua. She was played in the movie by Natalie Wood, not Victor Buono in a wig (the original Broadway star). I realize that every high school production must make sacrifices. That’s why my high school’s production of M*A*S*H had Koreans playing Vietnamese and a white football player (with whom I once made mad sweet love in the car in front of his grandparents’ house) as Spearchucker Jones. Luann is more Anna Magnani than Natalie Wood. Lawsy, all they did with the Aussie boy was dye his hair black. Just cuz them Italians and Aussies are both uncut don’t mean a thing in a play… unless they’re doing Oh! Calcutta next.

  65. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    I’ll keep a couple of ripe tomatos in a brown paper bag for whenever Dondi, the Musical opens. I’m a good aim for tenors.

  66. Poteet
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#63): Oh no no no, please no. Just one review of Dondi The Movie almost made me hurl.

  67. Mollificent at work
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Dammit! Posted to the dead thread.

    Sequitur Y#145: LMAO! You win the universe! *big kiss*

  68. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#1): Many, many years ago in my misspent youth, I submitted an observation to Pluggers. Nothing happened. Over five years later my submission was published but attributed to someone else. I guess I’m no Reed Hoover.

  69. Poteet
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#64): Right you are. Changes must be made, but they don’t have to be ridiculous. Luann could have easily had an appropriate Fifties ‘do and earrings, instead of looking like an escapee from HAIRSPRAY.

  70. LaziestManOnMars
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Batiuk won’t be happy until every last one of his characters winds up dead, or living on the street in a cardboard box. Then the box would blow away.

  71. Ichi
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I don’t know Bonnie and Ernie well enough yet to offer any advice…” Ha ha ha ha!

    RM: Mercy! Has Rex ever looked more evil?? – “and if you do a good job, you get a bonus – also involving white latex…
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20100406&name=Rex_Morgan

  72. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#68): Are you listed in your phone book? Apparently that’s a deal killer at Pluggers, Inc.

  73. Lloyd DeRamus
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Aha, I see my submission to Pluggers has not gone unnoticed! Never give up my friends, for you too may one day be a famous contributor like me!

  74. FafMor
    April 6th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#59): When a Plugger sleeps, they snore like a chainsaw cutting through a whirling jet engine.

  75. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Lloyd DeRamus (#73):
    I do believe in Lloyd DeRamus, I do believe in Lloyd DeRamus, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in Lloyd DeRamus, I do believe in Lloyd DeRamus, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I DO!

  76. odinthor
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    An anagram of Lloyd De Ramus is Lardy Old Muse.

    Coincidence? I think not!

  77. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Hi& – What interests me here is that the Flagston kids aren’t the only ones with that distinctive set of facial features running around town. Looks like Thirsty is one busy drunk!

    (Tallgordon @49, you were close, but none of the kids look like Hi, do they?)

  78. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Omigarsh! There is a profile for Lloyd W. DeRamus “Plugger” on Amazon! Gotta look up Easter Bunny next…

  79. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#72): Reed Hoover lives in my area. He’s in the book.

  80. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#79):

    Oh goody! Then I get to say it!

    Sequitur, I served with Reed Hoover, I knew Reed Hoover, Reed Hoover was a friend of mine. Sequitur, you’re no Reed Hoover!

  81. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#80): Thank you.

  82. Comcis Fan
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy apparently misunderstood what one does with a monkey. One doesn’t slap one’s brother with it.

    RMMD: Rex looks menacing pointing that paint sprayer at Toots, who realizes in panel 3 that he must flee now. Really, Rex and June have become creepy, scary people.

  83. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#82): What? If not a monkey, with what does one slap their brother?

  84. Écureuil Écumant
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    JP: Ooh, ooh! Tom Scarritt said “Thanks for your clever response, we will keep your strong recommendation in mind…”! Almost as rewarding as catching a chocolate from the float! And less fattening.

  85. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): A lawsuit?

  86. Judas Peckerwood
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for today’s uplifting comics. Good thing my gun is in the shop this week.

  87. Mr. O'Malley
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Lloyd W. DeRamus gave 5 stars to everything he reviewed on Amazon.

  88. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#85): Well, yes. But I was thinking more along the lines of Slappy Squirrel!

    (Sorry Baka. This is Youtube)

  89. Austria
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Luann: What. A. Gyp. *rips hair out*

    MW: I’ve been wondering about this for a while…what happened to the pool party? Is this whole storyline just a flashback? Or are we now AFTER the pool party?

    RMMD: “And if you do a good job, you get a bonus!” That…combined with Rex’s face and his already-established tendencies for homoerotic subtext…just screams “rape” to me.

    R=R: Dear All-Animals-In-Rose-Is-Rose — please die.

  90. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    I really, REALLY apologize in advance for this (which , BTW, is sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things”):

    Houses foreclosed on and Montoni’s closing,
    Sam doin’ Dondi and Crankshaft’s despair,
    These are the things that make Mudges care!

  91. Gabacho
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan – I for one am glad that Rex is hitting on guys over the legal age for a change, but still I don’t think a couple of roughies and an ass-raping constitute a proper bonus.

  92. Hogenmogen
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    So Funky fires Holly over the phone. She gets foreclosed on. She packs her bags and straps them to the roof of her red 1983 vaguely Pontiac vehicle and looks for a place to crash.

    Crank: The way to get friended is to BE a friend. And stop putting up pictures of underage porn on your page.

  93. Mr. O'Malley
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Reed Hoover—Sculptor & jeweller
    Reed Hoover—Pluggers contributor

    One and the same!

  94. gnome de blog
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Pope Josh said:

    I’m pretty sure that’s Funky calling from the accountants’ office, and not some accountant placing a mafia-style phone call with no proper nouns and vague, unspecified threats…

    Don’t be so sure. The caller could easily be Herb or Jamaal. Or Mark Trail, except he’s busy paddling his canoe out of the area.

    Funky probably doesn’t even care whether the New York store closes. He opened it in the first place to give him an excuse to hit on his ex-wife, but she lit out for a war zone as soon as he hit town.

  95. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#93): He looks so human…

  96. Gnatalby
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft needs to be on Myspace then at least Tom will be his friend.

  97. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#93): Oh well…another great conspiracy theory shot to hell. At least Reed Hoover looks like a Plugger.

  98. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#87):
    Plugger Maxim #42: Know what ya like then give it 5 stars and three exclamation points!!!

  99. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#93): Yup, you found him. Not that he’s trying to hide or anything.

    You’re a Plugger if you feel you have nothing to hide.

  100. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#93): And it looks like Reed Hoover is also a fan of Slylock Fox. Fish skeleton!

  101. Mordock999
    April 6th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    A couple of today’s Comics 04/06/10

    Pluggers – Oh, folks will NOTICE alright, when after about a week of 80+ temperatures, that over-whelming STENCH of Dead Plugger-Pup wafts thru the kitchen window…,

    Luann – Ah, yes. After an APPARENTLY triumphant performance in Westside Story, the annoyingly perfect Mr. Quill claims His prize, the eternally UNDERAGE Luann, under the oblivious gaze of Her clueless, hypocritical, sanctimonious mom, Nancy “The House-Witch” DeGroot.

    ___________________________

    DEATH to TJ and ALL that it Implies!!!

  102. Mibbitmaker
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Way behind on the comics today, so apologies for any repeat comments (I did glance this thread):

    9CL: “Overinflated sense of” is an integral part of the family motto.

    A3G: “Oh, sure, Roberta, no problem! Have a good time shooting Dad to death, now…”

    DT: “Dynamite performance”![/exasperated Oliver Hardy]

    EC: No! That happens to Rose from Rose is Rose all the time, and that alter ego is a real obnoxious jerk! Please reconsider this, man! You guys in this strip are insufferable enough already!

    FC: Everybody’s got something to hide, including me and my monkey.

    GF: Rob’s got a creepy laugh! Is it real or fake? br-rr-r-r-rr-r!

    MT: “Where the”…. Naw — too easy!
    RMMD: You, too!

    MW: It’s like Mr. Burns and Smithers — only much less likable.

    ZtP: Quick, somebody get this Wilde guy into the Cockpit! Hurry!!

  103. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#82): He’s spanking with his monkey.

    @Austria (#89): It’s simple, actually. Evans had the whole sequence drawn before he found that he couldn’t legally use the name of the show he was going to go with, so he hurriedly went back and wrote in “West Side Story” in all the places that had previously said “Hairspray.”

  104. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#97):
    I, for one, gratefully embraced your theory. It’s debunking can mean only one thing.
    Pluggers are among us.
    Any innocuous seeming Amazon reviewer or folk artist on a DART bus could be one…

  105. Jorge Barnes
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised Beetle Bailey didn’t crack the Top 3 in today’s Depressionpalooza. Panel one introduces the grim reality that the military uses facades of modest housing for target practice, cuz “them terrorists could be anywhere, so let’s get everyone used to shooting at civilians.” Then panel two ups the ante with Zero’s Hitleresque idea of gently branding potential offenders. Haha, terrorism! Does the fun ever stop?

  106. Crankenstank
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft should “friend” Montoni’s! That way they’d have each other’s misery.

  107. Baka Gaijin
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#65): Dondi the Musical? Thank the heavens above that’s not a real production. At least in my mind. Nope, nada, doesn’t exist.

    @LaziestManOnMars (#70): Would the box blow away with them inside? That would be pretty funny.

    @Lloyd DeRamus (#73): I know your brother Ignatius, Ig for short.

    @Austria (#89) on Mary Worth: Yup, kiddo, only one, or was it two, pool party strips. I guess someone’s been reading a certain snarky comic blog. I still think Bonnie and Ernie are just red herrings. Mary should be getting her biddie on with Toby. She keeps dropping hints about needing help that are about as subtle as an anvil dropping from the sky. That constipated look on her face, conversationally trying to draw Mary’s attention away from Bonern (Ernbon? It’s no Brangelina but it’ll have to do.), yeah she’s got problems that only Mary can fix. Or her plumbing’s all stopped up from too many salmon squares and too little Potato-Ade©.

  108. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: I notice that the Jackel ball is spanning two panels. Has it done this before?
    And what is that on Mark’s left shoulder in panel one?

  109. gnome de blog
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    It would be way too much to ask for Luann to discover Gunther making out with Tiffany at the ice cream parlor, become insanely jealous and throw herself at his feet, and get rejected. Quill will immediately see her for the vain, shallow creature she is and go off with the goth chick to join Knute and Delta. Elvis will show up with TJ, and Luann will walk home alone.

  110. Sequitur
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#109): Oh god. Not again?!

  111. Josh
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Ranger (#45) and @MKH (#46): You’re probably right — could the Funkyverse handle such an epochal event as Montoni’s closing? But I’m basing my prediction on the “everything is worse than you think at first” theory. My impression from the earlier strip was that Funky had basically already written the New York restaurant off; now, after talking with his fancy accountants, he’s realizing that really the whole company is bankrupt and he’ll have to close the ur-Montoni’s too.

    @Hogenmogen (#92): Holly is actually Funky’s wife, so it would be extra hilarious if he fired her.

    Josh

  112. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#108): Looks like Mark has proactively tarred and feathered himself to blend in with the geese. Should help when he’s alone, on the lake, wide open, with no cover being chased by the gun-toting Frères Parker. If he ditches the camera, no way they recognize him…

  113. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    ? This Plugger died late last spring
    He’s still rotting in his swing
    Dead Pluggers aren’t much fun ?

  114. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Stupid ♪ lying ♪ preview ♪ gets ♪ me ♪ every ♪ time.

  115. Baka Gaijin
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#112): All Mark has to do to hide on the lake from the Parker Brothers is to sit still. They didn’t see him standing next to that tree when they were looking for him on land and he was yelling out his inner monologue, too!

  116. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    The squee is otterly adorable.

    ferret photobomb!

    (hopefuly bourbon babe, unbuckled wasn’t in need of a second dose of squee today, but if so, these were just too darn cute not to share.)

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Belated congratulations to bunivasal et al for this week’s COTWs. I’m late to the party because I took the day off work and had an oodle of errands.

    A3G: That’s the way Bobbie’s holding the gun? She obviously skipped over the “spend untold hours at the firing range” step of her rage/vengeance kick. I have a feeling the only thing she’s going to kill is Gabriella’s damage deposit when the gun flies out of her hand and takes down a lighting fixture.

    MT: Who would have thought that Mark would give us the filthiest line of the entire Spring. “Learn where the meat is going” indeed.

    MW: “I do hope Bonnie and Ernie avail themselves of your wisdom and infinite kindness which is… um, infiinite. Please don’t wish me into the cornfield.”

    H&L: Hey, if you can’t laugh at a family becoming destitute and homeless, what can you laugh at?

    RMMD: Way too easy. Especially the last panel.

    GT: It’s Stevie Ray Vaughan’s half-brother, Jughead Vaughan Jones.

  118. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#115): Motion sensitivity eh? I didn’t think that was the Parker Brothers’ game.

  119. Calico
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#116):
    EEEEEeeeee!
    Thanks, I needed those images. Awesome.
    The other day I had a queen bumblebee come into our house via my Bob Denver “Ottawa Police” hat – she ended up under the hat brim. I heard “brrrrzzz”, I yelled “Quack-ahhhh!”, ran into my office, threw the hat onto the floor, and saw the poor thing. I let her climb onto an envelope and brought her outside.

  120. Walker of Dog
    April 6th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#108): I think Mark was trying to camoflage himself by rubbing the sky onto his clothes. Not a bad plan – too bad he doesn’t have the attention span necessary to complete the job. And even if he had finished, he’d probably just stand in front of a tree or a boulder anyway.

  121. Aviatrix
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#119): See now if you were with the LA police you would have shot it with your service revolver.

  122. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#121): revolver?!?

    try hi-capacity semi-automatic.

  123. steve
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    “rest assured that the Pain Scientists over at Westview Industries are working hard at pushing the envelope of pure torture”

    This blog makes my day, every day.

  124. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#116):
    That baby sloth(?) in the third photo looks like my high school graduation picture. Hair parted in the middle and perfectly feathered… Ahhh, the lost art of hair feathering.

  125. KarMann
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#113): Hell yeah!

    Mom says Plugger’s quite deceased,
    She’s going to call his favourite priest,
    Dead Pluggers aren’t, much, fun, everybody now!

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

  127. Alison
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Oh yeah, “Hi and Lois”, I always get a big laugh out of homeless people. Who doesn’t, right? Great job.

    I’m still shocked at the fact LuAnn’s dad said she could be the next Sandra Bullock a few days ago. Dude… this is not the time to make comparisons to Sandra Bullock, you know?

  128. OMJulie
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#11): Funky Winkerbean: Is this strip underwritten by Pfizer, makers of the fine antidepressant Zoloft?

    If it were, wouldn’t they have to become nominally happy at some point? Because that’s just plain bad advertising, otherwise.

  129. spike
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#111): The Ur-Montoni’s can’t close–at least half of the inhabitants of Westview “work” there!!! [OTOH, it is spring, and just about time for Tony Montoni's annual return from his winter home in FL...and who better to slap Funky upside the head?]

  130. KarMann
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @OMJulie (#128): I think you’re missing the point. It isn’t about publicity for the pharmaceutical companies; why do you think you’ve never seen their names in association with Groovy Blinkerlegume? It’s simply about producing more and more customers for their antidepressants.

  131. Hi There
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    FW: Who are those faces on the wall behind Mrs. Winkerbean? A bald man with a bowling ball sucks on a filtered cigarette. A grinning man with a buzz cut, bow tie, and a grey jacket stares straight ahead. There’s a signature on his lapel. Another man in a checkered jacket and turtleneck sweater, half his head has been blocked out. Are these celebrities who stopped in for a quick slice of pizza, leaving behind souvenirs for Montoni’s ‘Wall of Fame’? Or are they long-time customers who died before the era of Funky?

    Did Montoni’s ever have its own bowling team? There’s a fly-specked trophy by the cash register.

    All we know for sure is that Mrs. Winkerbean is not smirking today.

  132. Bryan
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#102): EC: No! That happens to Rose from Rose is Rose all the time, and that alter ego is a real obnoxious jerk! Please reconsider this, man! You guys in this strip are insufferable enough already!

    I bet Len learns a valuable lesson: that Abby is right about everything and he should never doubt her, ever. Abby’s a low-rent Mary Worth with a degree.

    If I had my way, Len would buy an overpowered-for-his-experience-level, off-the-rack hog, not take a Motorcycle Safety Foundation class, not wear a helmet and smear himself across 100 yards of interstate highway. Then Abby would say, “I told you so.”

  133. jayjaybear
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Toots gets a BONUS if he does a good job painting Rex’s garage. Why am I hearing a *boomchickawacka* soundtrack in the background of panel 3?

  134. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @102: but, Motorcycle Rose is the only reason to ever read that silly strip!

    well, look at, not read.

    The attraction was purely visual.

  135. Buck Ripsnort
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: Sam Driver sees Hair-Boy has whiskers, realizes his daughter’s boyfriend is not a eunuch, dies a little inside.

  136. Buck Ripsnort
    April 6th, 2010 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    As a kid, I always wondered how long you could hide in an Open House. Coming soon, a great spinoff strip from H&L — The Squats!

  137. Baka Gaijin
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#130): Amen. Preach on, brother!

  138. littlestevie
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: I always had a problem with this story line, as opposed to all of the other idiotic and or depressing storylines in FW. Why would somebody in NYC get pizza from someplace that got its start in Cancerview Ohio? Aren’t New Yorkers pretty attached to their thin crust New York style pizza? Don’t they look down the noses at anything else? Talk about a bad business plan, How Montoni’s lasted more than a month in NYC is completely beyond me.

  139. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    I’VE BEEN STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR!!
    FORTUNATELY I HAD A JUMBO BAG OF FLYSPECK ISLAND PEANUTS and
    A CASE OF POTOTO ADE™ TO TIDE ME OVER!!
    IT WAS KIND OF LIKE AN OLD TEXT ADVENTURE!

    > N

    You are in an elevator. The elevator seems to be broken and you are stuck between floors.
    On the floor of the elevator is a jumbo bag of Flyspeck Island peanuts and a case of Potato Ade™.

    I THINK I HAVE SUPER POWERS NOW!!!! WHEEEEEE!

    And I know what you’re thinking! So watch it Bub!

  140. gnome de blog
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#117):
    I wonder if Bobbie will even figure out how to cock it before the wrath of Margo descends on her.

  141. Lisa
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    The cat in Arlo and Janis is talking and sitting up like a person! I guess either Ludwig has finally acknowledged his Snoopy complex, or Arlo took some really good drugs.

  142. KarMann
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#140): Oh, I wouldn’t be too worried about that. From the appearances of what we haven’t seen between her and Dr. Papi, she knows her way around a cock perfectly well.

  143. mr 12 oz can
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    maryworth-ok i know they liked your cooking mary they even called you chef so should toby give you a blue ribbon now
    rex morgan – rex does that bonous come with lube
    mark trail – just solve the dam case and go home to andy

  144. littlestevie
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    JP: Is it me or is Neddy looking a little hydrocephalic?

  145. Sans Sense
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    JP: I know everyone is about zombied out but “Judge Parker and Zombies” would explain Neddy’s attack on Sam’s neck in Panel 1 and Sam’s souless transmogrification in Panel 3. Panel 2 is a throwaway for those with a luggage fetish.

  146. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#144):
    DOES THAT MEAN SHE LIKES TO HAVE SEX IN THE WATER?!

  147. KarMann
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    I’ve realized one particular thing that’s been bugging me about the current Curtis storyline. From what I remember (I put up with Curtis for quite a while when I was young(er), then was blissfully free of the curse until I found this place), Flyspeck Island culture, and Gunk in particular, are supposed to be pretty big on selflessness/unselfishness, right? And yet, the thing that got this whole (turd)ball rolling was Gunk leaving out the ‘special’ peanuts, so that he’d remember not to eat them. But that reflects an entirely selfish, egocentric, the-universe-revolves-around-me, maybe even solipsistic view of the world, completely unlike the informed attributes [*] of the Flyspeck Islanders.
    I’m starting to suspect that Billingsley doesn’t know the first thing about actually being unselfish. But that’s OK, Billingsley; greed is good! right?

  148. Fashion Police
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    M. Jules is clearly a poseur. No self-respecting Parisian shoe designer would face the public in a brown suit and split-pea T-shirt, even in the far province of Spencerville. We had expected a more phthistic sort, with tinted glasses, a five-day stubble, and the limpest of handshakes.

    We are also somewhat perplexed as to whether Miss Spencer flew all the way from deGaulle with her color-coordinated Oakleys perched on top of her head or if that’s the kind of hair-ribbon not seen on a living person since 1963.

  149. Fashion Police
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#142):
    I knew somebody would go there.

  150. Bryan
    April 6th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#138): Why would somebody in NYC get pizza from someplace that got its start in Cancerview Ohio?

    That’s been aggravating me too. I’m just a well-scrubbed and hustling rube; all I know about New York City is what I learned by watching “Cloverfield” and “C.H.U.D.” I can’t imaging New Yorkers saying, “Ohio-style pizza? Sign me up!”
    I’ve always assumed that this was a relic left over from the Time Jump (perhaps Superboy-related). When they all jumped, Batiuk wanted to make Montoni more successful and went with “He’s opened up a restaurant in New York City! It would have made more sense for him to have opened up restaurants in neighboring towns, but this isn’t really the strip for realism.

  151. Red Greenback
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    You know how Al Hirschfeld would hide “NINA” in his characatures? The artist who did the ones on Montoni’s wall was known to put “NFNS” in his.

  152. KarMann
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#Y124) & @Mela (#Y128): So, perhaps a tangent, or perhaps another way of putting it, Groovy Blinkerlegume occupies sort of an uncanny valley between drama and actual humour [*], such that it somewhat resembles the form of humour, and yet actual humans looking at it can tell it’s not quite there yet (or anymore, as the case may be).

  153. Phred22
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    JP: Rejoice, everyone. Sam Driver is finally showing emotion.

  154. zerowolf
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G: After all these years Margo and Roberta finally find something to agree upon, killing Martin.

  155. zerowolf
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: Yeah, because noone can see a long tall brown object floating on a blue surface. If you could, the Tidy Bowl man would not have sunk.

  156. Rimpy
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: No, it’s funny because the distraught dad is looking for a place to crash the family wagon, ending his and his family’s unbearable shame and misery!

  157. zerowolf
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    FC: And today we see the first time Jeffy wacked his monkey.

  158. The TJ
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    A plugger once napped while outside,
    In a hammock he’d swing side to side,
    He stayed out all night,
    And gave people a fright,
    When they discovered the old fart had died.

    Just felt like a limerick.

  159. zerowolf
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#113): The live ones aren’t much of an improvement.

  160. Marion Delgado
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois is the Little Orphan Annie of the new Depression. Or something.

    This time around the plutocrats do seem to be leaning on sending the “maybe we’d all be better off if fewer of you hopeless worthless losers were walking around breathing” message, though. Not much “Look to a brighter tomorrow” or whatever the eyeless Raggedy Pollyanna sang in that fingernails on blackboard on tinfoil on your teeth musical.

  161. Uncle Lumpy
    April 6th, 2010 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    “Game over” is at least a sort of pun: the IRS got wise to Montoni’s use of poached game on its pizza, but Funky knows the switch to legal meat will bankrupt them. Hilarity ensues, as the staff seeks madcap ways to “goose” profits, “squirrel” away cash, and “duck” prison sentences.

  162. bats :[
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Ichi (#71): sinister? Maybe. Unclear on the concept that Walgreens is NOT a do-it-yourself store? Very likely.

  163. Steve L
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Josh, are you aware that a man named Kurt Evans just declared his candidacy for United States Senator from South Dakota?

  164. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#162): *dies laughing*

  165. Vince
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Steve L (#163): You know, just one photo of frolicking would derail that campaign…

  166. Mr. Satanism
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    “Ha ha! It’s funny because they’re going to be sleeping in their car!”

    Are we certain that by “crash” they don’t mean “…our car into a wall, or any other suitable massive object to end our suffering once and for all”?

  167. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

  168. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#167): And I totally meant for that link to be pointing at this even funnier example. Oh well.

  169. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

  170. ElkMeadow
    April 6th, 2010 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#63):

    Dondi was my favorite comic strip when I was a kid! I remember Baldy getting kidnapped and rescued, and then Dondi would get kidnapped and rescued. Like Little Orphan Annie, but with boys and no money. Great fun all around!

  171. ElkMeadow
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#109):

    You’re right, it is too much to ask. I call that Luann turns down Quill’s get-together so she can go talk to Gunther (yeah, right), and Gunther’s mom corners Luann while Tiff corners Gunther.

    So we both call the Gunther/Tiff get it on, and Delta never shows up and Bernice and Knute go to the ice cream parlor and stay way in the background. Dirk shows up and Toni leaves Brad with his mommy, who says “I told you so”. Frank gets Luann an agent. But Luann doesn’t want to act anymore, having gotten a case of Pattersonitis, where being successful is only god for Pattersons. Brad mopes, T.J. prances and Mrs. Horner loves the whole thing.

    Hi and Lois comes out of nowhere to have a strip that’s every bit as stinkin’ as 9CWL. What does getting another job have anything to do with the bank already finializing foreclosure?

    I live in Bend, Oregon, where the newspaper has its own foreclosure and bankruptcy notice section, and due to all the legal notices that have to be posted, the Bend Bulletin newspaper is in no danger of folding. If people could get another job around here, it’d be before foreclosure, and who can get “another job” around here anyway? And guess what, Lois, that commission from that sale is going to be a loooonnnggg time in the future, and the amount will be virtually nada.

    Lois is just a cold-blooded unthinking idiot. But we all knew that from the stupid “libraries are causing small book stores to close” crap she spouted earlier.

  172. Écureuil Écumant
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#146):

    More specifically, it means she likes to give head in the water.

    And purely BTW:

    – no-caps laid back mr. 12 oz can and
    – ALL-CAPS MANIC HAMMY!

    return on the same night — coincidence? I THINK NOT!

  173. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, MD: A bonus, huh? Well, hell, it can be only one thing. Toots gets to make love to June and Rex is gonna watch. Paint well, Toots, and remember: Neatness counts !!

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    #161 Uncle Lumpy,
    Funky was employing the Parker Brothers?

  175. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    My Cage: Uh-ohhhhh…..dammit, Norm….

  176. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: Okay….Mary…let me play devil’s advocate here….have you considered the possibility that Mr. and Mrs. Marijuana shirt JUST DON’T LIKE YOU??

  177. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: Okay….yeah, this is another retread, but….dammit, didn’t you feel good when Jeffy whalloped PJ with the monkey doll? I sure did.

  178. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    DtM: “I gave my mom chocolates ’cause I know she likes to share.”

    I knew that too, Dennis, but I didn’t give her chocolates.

  179. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball (#2): You know, i’m honestly okay with this, as we all know the real drama is gonna happen when Luann and Tiffany start pulling each other’s hair at the ice cream parlor…ripping off each other’s clothes…until Quill and Gunther have to separate them. But hopefully not until Friday.

  180. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#169): If only.

    …in a three-way fight between Margo, Bobbie, and the U.S.S. South Dakota, who would be the last one standing? [*]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#177): I wonder if there’s anyone who didn’t. I could read that half of a comic all damn day.

  181. Byeynyn
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m confused by today’s Funky Winkerbean. Accountants? Verdicts? Game over? A third of three different jokes does not equal a joke.

  182. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Okay, well, he’s no Ed Baretto, but I think we can all agree that the new guy…..damn, Neddy’s got a sweet little ass!

  183. Chip Whittle
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Sad note to post: bloggers are reporting the death of Archie artist Henry Scarpelli.

  184. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#13): Okay…yes…but, Joe. We do get to see Neddy’s sweet little ass this way. Keep that in mind.

  185. Donkey Hotey
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @LaziestManOnMars (#70): “Cardboard box?”

    “Aye.”

    “You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down the mill fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, and when we would go home, Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.”

  186. bunivasal
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    That man-bear isn’t a plugger, as pluggers are incapable of crossing their legs due to their colossal rolls of thigh fat. Also, he’s in a hammock, and clearly those trees haven’t bent in twain from his hurricane of flab.

  187. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#25): Funny you should mention bald eagles, Dingo. While visiting the Family Bartender last week ( yeah, I was gone too, but Sis The Bartender lent me her laptop :) ) I was driving down the highway and came upon a majestic bald eagle feeding on a deer carcass. Which made me wonder. I’m sure bald eagles are sick as hell of people taking pictures of them with their cell phones, singing the National Anthem, saluting them….It’s JUST A BIRD ! Let him eat his dead deer in peace.

  188. Earthgirl
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#1): Actually, using car bench seats as furniture sounds more grad student to me. But maybe it’s that weird Plugger/hipster overlap again.

  189. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#180): the SoDak floats. . . .

    @Jamus The Bartender (#187): *inserts Ben Franklin comment about turkeys vs eagles as National Bird here.*

  190. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

  191. Jamus The Bartender
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#189): Okay. Point taken. But what would you rather see flying alongside a stealth fighter in those pictures you see in bike shops….a majestic bald eagle or a Butterball ( tm) eight pounder?

  192. commodorejohn
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#191): Actually, wild turkeys look less like the Jennie-O mascot and more like the kind of bird that lives on a compound in Montana and shoots trespassers. And that, my friends, is what America is all about.

  193. dull_old_man
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#88): Thanks for the link to the riff on Who’s on stage. I remember a long spiel about a concert with the Who, Yes, and the Guess Who that began with an argument about which band would open: Who’s on first, that is to say.

    About 3G: I think Bobbie’s gun is a starter’s pistol, which is why the mugger was so glad to sell it instead of fire it. Look for much hilarity when it shoots blanks.

  194. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 6th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#183): That’s a shame. He did a lot of good work over the years — had a good run, left a lot to remember him by.

  195. Austria
    April 6th, 2010 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#183): Noooo!! Not Archie!! I used to be indifferent, but after finding this blog I’ve actually grown fond of Archie. I was just thinking today how much I liked his drawing style…

  196. Aviatrix
    April 6th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Earthgirl (#188): Grad students are usually still on their first car, if they have one at all, so they are less likely to have an old car seat available to use for furniture.

  197. True Fable
    April 6th, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#182):

    I agree. The new JP guy’s got chops!

    Ahhhh Neddy… It’s like you never went away. Except, of course, you didn’t bring Cedric the Vastly More Interesting Butler with you, and we have yet to find out what grouchy old Aunt Rachel thinks about your shacking up with Blond Tresses. Aunt Rachel might not like to hear you having fun doing your boyfriend while all she had was bumping uglies with decrepit old Groves. Whatever the case, I hope Woody’s got some good story here, and a damn good reason not to bring back Cedric. If we can re-hash April What’s-Her-Name, we can re-hash SuperCedric.

    But at least we have Neddy back. I should at least be grateful for that.

  198. True Fable
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#195):

    There’s no telling how the AJGLU 3000 is going to take the news. Not very well, I’ll wager.

  199. True Fable
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Funky Wankerbean Only Tom Batuik would have a character who smiles at the thought of attending a wake of any kind.

    Sam Driver, Man of Inaction “Good! That means you won’t be screwing my daughter under my roof tonight, right?”

    Rex Morgan, YMCA Tomorrow Rex will find all the stuff was taken out to the driveway and sold in a big yard sale.

    Apartment Building of Doom Damn, Martin! Didn’t Margo just tell you NOT to come down there? All right, go ahead and get shot, dammit.

  200. True Fable
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth, the Demon Meddler of Charterstone Mary’s so excited about potential meddling she’s snipping the blooms off flowers like Joe Giella’s macabre vision of a wrinkled, decrepit Morticia Adams.

  201. gnome de blog
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#171):
    Bend eh? Your name have anything to do with an elementary school?

  202. Comcis Fan
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD: In our next installment, Rex and June get brought up on slavery charges. This boy doesn’t even get to leave with his skateboard.

  203. Comcis Fan
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Does Mary Worth think she’s a superheroine? Codependent Woman, perhaps? She is as driven on her mission to ferret out and solve others’ personal problems as Batman is to fight crime.

  204. Poteet
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    4/7 MT — In the stupidity contest that is MT these days, I think Mark just took the lead.

  205. ElkMeadow
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#201):

    Yep, and the place across the street that got changed from a wildlife zone to a massive subdivision

  206. Poteet
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    4/7 MW — We recently saw Mary holding a trowel upside-down at the wrong angle, and now we see her snipping off flowers. The gardens must be very different on her home planet.

  207. Buchholz Surfer
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    I would totally Enemy Crankshaft on Hatebook. http://www.hatebook.org/
    I might actually join that site just to point out how much I hate Crankshaft and whatever bitter crank is responsible for creating him.

  208. KarMann
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    4/7:
    A3G: Going out on a limb here, Bobbie, but couldn’t you have found, I dunno, more peaceful ways to end it?

    Brewster Rockit: Looks like it’s time for the Mustelid Anti-Defamation League to pay Rickard a little visit. “How many wild badgers did you say you’d like in your trousers, sir?”

    Curtis: Obviously, the answer to the “Meatloaf, or Spam?” question was “Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!” [*]

    DtM: No!! I do not need to be either shown, or made to think of, either Dennis’ or his father’s junk.

    DT: I think it’s safe to say, some gagging will be involved. [*]

    Groovy Blinkerlegume: Uh, what? If it’s a franchise, there’s pretty much no way it could possibly have hurt either Funky or Montoni financially. And they’d have no reason to go close it down. Both the losses and the shuttering would be entirely on the local franchisee there. (Yes, I am taking a small business management course this semester, why do you ask?)

    HtH: Not usually a “wall of text” offender.

    H&J: By all means, just keep this up, Bentley, and let’s see how long you last.

    JP: Panel 2: Lower. . . lower. . . pan down, that’s it now. . . .

  209. KarMann
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    4/7 cont’d:
    Luann: . . . Dingo, it’s for you.

    MT: Gosh, if the bullet carried enough momentum to do all that to Mark and the canoe, I’d hate to see what it did to the poor sod holding the gun!

    MW: Ooo, the symbolism [*] of what Mary’s doing to that flower! So, it’s ritual defloration for Bonnie then, right? And Ernie will be cast. . . in a bad light. [*]

    MC: I don’t know if anyone noticed how many times I commented “Do. Not. Want.” on various comics in the past week or two? Well, balance has been restored. WANT.

    PBS: Yes, now that’s some real menace!

    Piranha Club: Ooo, important biology lessons today!

    Pluggers: Welcome back to the much-discussed Lloyd DeRamus!

    Safe Havens: “Squee!” sighting today!

    S-M: So, umm, lemme get this straight. You say he should tell his rights, which he’s claiming he already knows, to the cops, after they read him those same rights. Right.

  210. Kanomi
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    4/7

    Gil Thorp: So the symbol for ‘The Pit’ is an arrow pointing down, and the employees have to wear the symbol on the back of their shirts? Umm…what kind of bar is this?

    Judge Parker: Oh, please be a bounder like on that episode of Seinfeld.

    Boring Girl Luann: Aww, what a cute coincidence. Gunther went to the exact same mall to buy an ice cream for his life-size inflatable Toni doll.

    Mark Trail: “Hey! It’s that guy who crosses lakes!”

    Marmaduke: Bernie Madoff’s unindicted co-conspirator

    Pruggers Haiku:
    Spring’s cavalcade of bear cubs
    brings elders great shame,
    Prolific Lloyd strikes again

  211. ElkMeadow
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#206):

    I think that Ernie has the right idea to stay away from the crazy lady who has the sharp blades. He really doesn’t want to play a title role in “Abelard and Heloise”. If Mary decides he’s “too quiet” the first time she meets him, what else is she going to judge about him? (It seems like the act of chewing with your mouth closed is not part of the society of Charterstone.)

  212. Not Greg Evans
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    LuAnn April 7, 2010 – Gunther is a bit thrown off by LuAnn’s double entendre. Probably because he’s trying to figure out if she means to pop his herself or if she means to turn him over to Quill.

  213. Mr. O'Malley
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    MT: Wouldn’t a bullet just make a hole in a canoe rather than tip it over?

    MW: I’ll show him and his quietness! Off with his head! Like this! We’ll see how quiet he is then!

    Lloyd DeRamus rates that Pluggers cartoon 5 stars!

  214. Sheila Sternwell
    April 7th, 2010 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Rex and June keep the garage trashed at all times just in case some hot young thing comes around, preferably someone naive enough to be easily blackmailed. Once Rex is done teaching the beatnik how to “clean the garage”, it’ll be June’s turn again.

  215. Adjuster
    April 7th, 2010 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    PBS: ouch, bad timing.

  216. Lucky
    April 7th, 2010 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    For Better or For Worse – Considering how I bought a hand-operated can opener last August, I can’t see how they could’ve been that hard to find in the 70s.

    Garfield – …is that Orson?

    Pluggers – “G-granpa ish fine… Granpa’sh jusht h-havin a little back-problemsh…”

    Prickly City – Clearly, using a teleprompter is just as bad as sketching your comic before inking it.

    Snuffy Smith – There are crimes you shouldn’t sentence home confinement for. Domestic abuse for starters.

  217. Marion Delgado
    April 7th, 2010 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    Here at ZPG/Planned Parenthood, we’re sick and tired of the complaints we see on The Comics Curmudgeon about our Marvin strip.

    Naysayers take note: Marvin’s latest innovation is a BABY ADVICE COLUMN. You’ll be seeing more of this ingenious trope in future panels, rest assured. Your apologies are graciously accepted.

  218. vanya
    April 7th, 2010 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#138): Yeah, this is Batiuk ratcheting up the misery and condescension. Not only do Funky and friends live in a provincial hick town, Batiuk wants the readers to understand that the only consolation of that town – it’s supposedly good pizza, has been judged by the outside world and found to be crap. And Funky was too stupid to even realize he couldn’t compete. The people of Westview are apparently the buggy whips and Commodore computers of 21st century America – to the scrap heap they go.

  219. Mela
    April 7th, 2010 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Wednesday:

    9CL: What kind of crappy former Nazi uses his real name? At least change it to “Biesl”.

    Baldo: Sweetbreads? Ew…

    ‘Shaft: Puns work better when they MAKE SENSE.

    Curtis: And his head explodes like Scanners. Please?

    FW: Wakes are Westview’s blocks parties.

    Garfield: Wait a sec, is that Orson? My inner 80s cartoon-watching child salutes you!

    GA: Phew! For a second there, we almost had a plot. Can’t have one of those anymore.

    H&J: Reruns work better when you wait a while, Bentley. And no, a week isn’t “a while”.

    Luann: AAARRRRRGGHHH! (Alternately: Evans, kindly keep your masturbatory material private. Thanks.)

    MT: Nice of Mark to throw the oar in the air to make it easier to hit.

    MW: Why, no, Mary, talking about rending marriages while severing the blooms off your flowers isn’t sinister at all.

    PBS: Please send Guard Duck to my house.

    Pluggers: Grandpa’s been dead for over three hours, kid. You might want to stop.

    R&R: One time, my dog was laying on an awkwardly shaped vacuum attachment; when I went to move him so it wouldn’t hurt him, he acted almost resentful that it was gone. Don’t know why, but this strip reminded me of that.

    RiR: Jalapenos? Well, with that alter-ego, why not?

  220. Tom
    April 7th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    JP: “Dad, Jules hurt his back last week and the doctor said he has to sleep prone at night. On top of me.”

    “Dad, Jules hurt his back last week, it was caused by, well, let’s just say it involved a hood, harness and sling, and the doctor said he has to sleep prone at night now.”

  221. Edgy DC
    April 7th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    “He hurt his back?”

    Does it seem like writers are planting double entendres these days, just desperately trying to get into a Comics Curmudgeon post?

    Pathetique.

  222. Joshua Zelinsky
    April 7th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    I think I finally understand Funky Winkerbean. Gottfried Leibniz posited that humans live in the best possible of all worlds. In the 19th century, some philosophers as a rebuttal offered arguments that humans live in the worst of all possible worlds or at least a world that maximized human misery. One argument made in this direction was that the misery maximizing world would have to have the capacity for life (otherwise nothing could experience misery) but that the vast majority of the universe would have to be inhospitable to that life maximize the unpleasantness. Since this fits our universe, this is evidence that there is a deity and that that deity is really sadistic. However, Funky Winkerbean is an apparent attempt at a counterexample to this: a hypothetical universe clearly more miserable than our own. Who knew that Funky Winkerbean was involved in deep philosophical issues?

  223. Brenda Starr Destroyer
    April 8th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Since this is the comics, where last-panel puns and ancient topical humor rule, I’m assuming this is some sort of Susan Smith reference.

  224. GrossedOut
    March 7th, 2011 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#76): As someone who knows DeRamus personally, your anagram is more right than you know. Ewww.

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