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Car crashes! (And Funky Winkerbean)

Herb and Jamaal, 6/24/10

With a single (seemingly) misplaced word balloon stem, the tempestuous relationship between Herb and Eula (recently voted in a reader’s poll America’s sixth-favorite comics parent-in-law/child-in-law tempestuous relationship, just ahead of Momma’s Momma-Tina battle, but just behind the implacable hate between Leroy Lockhorn and his wife’s nameless bewigged mother) takes on an entirely new complexion. Is Eula a secret psionics master, controlling Herb’s thoughts and speech whenever the prospect of doing so amuses her? Or — even more disturbing — does that word balloon indicate an act of ventriloquism, because the tiny Herb is actually just a ventriloquist dummy that she forced her daughter to marry for her own twisted reasons? In this scenario, the familiar bickering that provides much of the humor for the strip is actually a decades-long vaudeville act for a select audience of Herb’s “wife” and the kids — OH MY GOD THE KIDS WHERE DID THE KIDS COME FROM???

Apartment 3-G, 6/24/10

I know I haven’t discussed Apartment 3-G lately, but I thought you might enjoy this strip in which Lu Ann and Margo have it out. Margo, let me assure you that a lot of us men like a gal with a forceful personality more than some nicey-nice little blonde! Now, please don’t hurt me.

Crock, 6/24/10

Good lord, that’s not the expression of a man who’s just had what he thinks is a clever idea; those are the eyes of a dangerous maniac. I’m assuming that editorial complaints resulted in the original dialogue here, which involved our captain lovingly describing the dismemberment of his enemies, being swapped out for a more run-of-the-mill “ha ha, Captain Preppie is a fop” joke.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/24/10

Wow, uh, somehow even though I was joking about this prospect yesterday, I honestly did not think that Funky Winkerbean’s next hilariously grim twist would be a terrible car crash. Kudos for keeping us on our toes, I guess, even though we’re standing on our toes so we don’t step on the rusty knives and infected hypodermics lying around everywhere. Meanwhile, let’s all enjoy that third panel at full size, shall we?

This panel will be the punchline for between 15 to 35 percent of all Funky Winkerbean strips from here on in.

Luann, 6/24/10

Yes, I will continue to bring you the Gunther-horror as long as it keeps happening! Today we learn an exciting new euphemism for “I saw your cock and ass,” but, as those are parts generally found on opposite sides of the human form, we must ask ourselves how Luann was able to see them during the two star-crossed losers’ brief moment of AHHHing. Did Gunther react in panic to his suddenly discovered nudity by twirling in place while shrieking? If so, we can be glad that there are horrors the strip has spared us (until next week, when Luann obsessively revisits the episode in her mind, in slo-mo).

343 responses to “Car crashes! (And Funky Winkerbean)”

  1. fishmorgjp
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Aiee! It is the blackness at the center of Batuik’s soul!!

  2. Ed Dravecky
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Love is… …a decade and a half of seething resentment directed at your children for making you live a hollow lie with a person you’d as soon see devoured by a rabid playtpus.

    You’re a Plugger if you drive from drugstore to drugstore looking for one that still has a tube-tester rather than spending $169 at Best Buy for a 19″ flatscreen (color!) HDTV.
    Pluggers are cheap technophobes who deserve their discomfort.

    The close-up of Sad Rusty’s face is not entirely horrifying. Am I experiencing pity for Rusty, a rare artistic effort from Elrod, or the psychotic break that is inevitable from reading Mark Trail every single day?

    Today’s Luann is… no, just can’t do it. Everytime I try to concentrate on today’s strip enough to snark on it, my nose starts to bleed and I smell burning toast.

  3. BringTheNoise
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I can only assume Gunther’s shame is because Luann finally discovered he has a micropenis. It would also explain that ridiculously Freudian costume. Still not quite worked out the significance of the bare legs and feet though.

  4. Ed Howard
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Notice how Gunther’s limp, defeated worm-penis in panel 2 matches the look of resignation and defeat on his face. Off he goes, sadly dragging his manhood behind him.

    And I don’t even want to think about why there’s a discreet little puddle next to his discarded shoe.

  5. Joe Blevins
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    You didn’t expect this grisly car accident in Funky Winkerbean? That’s like going to a Baha Men concert and being surprised that they played “Who Let the Dogs Out?”

  6. Clamps
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    I read the Funky strip with Journey playing in my head.

  7. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Gunther’s costume alone is horrifying enough. I can’t wait until Luann makes a smirky comment about how the bottom … portion… of it must be kind of snug. Maybe I’m confusing this with a different strip, though.

  8. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Oh dear God. Somehow my brain protected me from reading Luann’s first word balloon. I…I need to go find a PT Cruiser to stand in front of now.

  9. Calico
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Panel 3 of FW. Best. FW. Panel. Ever.

  10. zenvelo
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    I love the way Funky doesn’t try to evade the other car, but just steers straight on ahead, praying the airbags don’t work.

  11. Edgy DC
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Lu Ann is already dead. We’re just waiting for the paper to publishi it.

  12. Dragon of Life
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Clearly, Funky’s spine has already given up and telescoped. His head’s embedding itself in his own rib cage whether he likes it or not!

  13. davethemad
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Tom Batiuk gets kickbacks for all the Prozac sales Funky Winkerbean generates?

  14. Patrick
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    A ha! Margo is finally on to Lu Ann! Considering they’ve been living in the same apartment since the Eisenhower Administration, I’d say it’s about time.

  15. zenvelo
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    When do we find out if the MoMA has asked Batiuk for the original of the third panel?

  16. Stu
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    I like, in FW, that Talky McLady’s ring has disappeared from her finger…maybe the scavengers have already come to steal it before the car crash.

  17. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: That’s no third panel that’s the album cover from Spinal Tap’s “Smell the Glove”

  18. Bizarro Stormy
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Judging by the motion of the drivers’ hands in Funky Winkerbean, both Funky and the cellphone girl are actively trying to crash into one another. Sounds about right for the Funkyverse.

  19. Thomas Hartwell
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Eula and Herb: The comic’s equivalent of Chuck and Bob.

  20. Larry Fine
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    The Baltimore Sun does not carry Funky Winkerbean, which means that Baltimoreans who desire an ongoing dose of tragedy and futility must read about the Orioles.

  21. Austria
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: Happy birthday to you…happy birthday to you…happy birthday killercoconut (y#9):…happy birthday to you!

    H&L: I don’t like to profile, but cartoon babies that DON’T thought-balloon are a lot cuter than cartoon babies that DO. The only exception is My Cage’s demon baby.
    “Time for grocery shopping! Sunny, what do you want for dinner?”
    “Human souls! :D”


    Sally Forth: Next comes Appa vs Momo.

    Zits: OH MY GOSH IS THAT THE GARAGE BAND?!? When was the last time we saw this?! Praise the Goat Cheese Pizza gods, and all that is cheesy and holy!!!

  22. Dude....Wait...What?
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else think Luann’s “Seductive face” is really just her stoned to the gills? Also, who heard Black Sabbath in their head when they read this mornings Spidey?

  23. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: I’ve developed a theory about Blondie. I think Dean Young and John Marshall are getting sick and tired of perpetuating old school comic humor in this old school strip. They want to moderninze it so they are (and have been) laying down a foundation to a new wave Blondie by having characters in the strip mock it. That will give everyone a chance to get used a change. Why it could even turn into a non-anthropomorphic My Cage. (??!!)

  24. Lawyerbob
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m missing the context, but I love that Margo and Lu Ann are having it out in the seats of an empty theater. It’s like a Beckett play, or maybe “No Exit.” Maybe they’ll just bicker for eternity. That said, I’m looking forward to using the phrase “Don’t you dare pity me, blondie” in my every day life.

    FW: Punchline, hell, that last panel should be used in every panel of Funky Winkerbean, at least until the sun burns out and is a cold black husk.

  25. Corin
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Is it me or is “With good reason!” coming from somebody hiding in the audience?

  26. Larry Fine
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    FW — The third panel is actually Westview’s town flag.

  27. I am Jack's username
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “You’re just jealous because men like me and they’re terrified of you. With good reason! Yes, Margo, we all know about the homemade snuff. We’ve all ALWAYS known about the snuff.”

    (PS, and can I just add: awwwww, SNAP! Margo’s totally gonna eat that bitch’s face off her very skull!)

  28. Will
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#289): The basic netflix account is $9 a month and you can keep one disc, their site is too stupid to show me all the levels, but apparently it’s at an extra $6/mo for each additional disc you can rent at a time. So assuming that they’re on a 2-disc thing for $15/mo they’ve spent $7.50*5 renting that movie, which comes out to $37.50. Even in Funky Cancertown I don’t think you could finance a documentary on assisted suicide or careless driving for that.


  29. MaryAnnTheRest
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Luann: So Gunther is more embarrassed to be seen naked than to be seen in Billy the Bookworm? Jeez, he must be built like some kind of sideshow freak.

    @Larry Fine (#20): I hope Josh doesn’t hesitate to consider that a COTW contender because of its local nature. It’s even funnier if you’re not a Baltimore fan!

  30. Steve S
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    How long do you think Batiuk could get away with recycling that black panel as his entire strip before anyone noticed? I have the over/under at six months.

  31. Len Barry
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    I’m guessing that Funky’s accident is really just a car crash simulation in a twisted driver’s ed. course. Either that, or he’ll wake up in a bamboo field/purgatory.

  32. Vince M
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    FW – While channel surfing once, I came upon a Lifetime made-for-tv movie featuring a woman whose ex-husband was trying to kill her, while she had a fatal disease. There’s a line between drama and farce some people just can’t/don’t/won’t see.

  33. Vince M
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#32): Oh yeah, I forgot – she was also on a shipwreck. Couldn’t tell if they wereserious, but it was playes with a straight face.

  34. Tophat
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Nah, Funky’s going to be just fine. The cell phone girl, I’m guessing either dies or is paralyzed for the rest of her known life, surviving totally in agony. To be fair, the accident was totally her fault… she should have known better than to actually be happy in the last panel of yesterday’s comic!

  35. Vince M
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#33): Yeesh. were serious. played. Going away now.

  36. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#32): True. Irony is a valid plot device.

    The only kind of plot device in FW is the machine that lowers the casket into the grave.

  37. Aviatrix
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Steve S (#30): I was hoping it was like The Sopranos and the strip had faded to black to signify its end.

  38. BigTed
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Is there some hidden symbolism behind Margo’s pink coat and Lu Ann’s blue one? As in, they’ve now established that Margo is the “man” and Lu Ann is the “woman” in this relationship, and they’re finally about to get it on. If all these decades of arguing have led to just one session of make-up sex, it’s totally been worth it.

  39. BigTed
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Please excuse me….

    Is there some hidden symbolism behind Margo’s blue coat and Lu Ann’s pink one? As in, they’ve now established that Margo is the “man” and Lu Ann is the “woman” in this relationship, and they’re finally about to get it on. If all these decades of arguing have led to just one session of make-up sex, it’s totally been worth it.

  40. Rana
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m wondering if afraid that hoping the next development in FW is that Funky wakes up, to discover that the Great Leap Forward was all a dream.

    Then, we’ll learn that the strip itself was just a dream. A long, sweaty nightmare of a dream.

  41. TheOriginalSteveDave
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    So, will anyone else at the library ever know that Gunther was prancing around naked inside that costume?

  42. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#29): So Gunther is more embarrassed to be seen naked than to be seen in Billy the Bookworm? Jeez, he must be built like some kind of sideshow freak.

    I’m starting to wonder if Baka Gaijin’s Crying Game prediction wasn’t right on after all. It would make the “barn door” euphemism make a lot more biological sense.

  43. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rana (#40): And they’ll all be back as high school kids!

  44. Larry McAwful
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean, meet John Darling.

  45. Jake Morgendorffer
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Or perhaps Eula’s simply stopped waiting for Herb to complete his thoughts — even those deeply personal ones between him and his god — in favor of setting up him up by completing his sentences, making it all the easier for her to tear him down a notch afterward.

  46. Robert
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Calling it right now, tomorrow’s reveal is that Funky is just playing Crazy Taxi.

  47. K. Ivan Ruppert
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann: That costume makes me want to invoke Rule 34 in the most bizarre way possible. I have to tell myself that these characters are technically both minors, and technically both loathsome.

    Funky: I bet that with car safety being what it is, Funky doesn’t even get the sweet, sweet release of death. The cars will both be totalled in the crash, and the woman will attempt to leverage that Funky just pulled out of a bar parking lot and Funky will attempt to leverage that the woman was talking on a cellphone. I’m not saying that one will come off more credible than the other mind you, I’m just saying that one of them is known to be a recovering alcoholic.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#21): Yusagi Momo was awesome. RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    also, to make this more comics related, I give you this momo-ment of awesome and win.

  49. Jake Morgendorffer
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Also, I think the way the FW storyline’s going to play out isn’t that Funky’s killed in a car crash, but that the other driver will be. But I do agree that someone will put the blame on Funky after seeing him leave the bar. The rest of the strip will be told from his lonely prison cell — just a sad old man and his guilt confined to an isolated room for decade upon decade — much like the life of the creator of the strip.

    I’m surprised the teen isn’t texting in this scenario, though. Or better yet, SEXTING! Topical!

  50. Soccerhead
    June 24th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Why is Gunth wearing his glasses with the arms outside? It looks stupid.

  51. Baka Gaijin
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: My guess is that while off-camera LuAnn has been sitting too close to Funky Winkerbean. She’s found out what she thought was a cute little birthmark on her left tit is actually a Stage IV inoperative squamous cell neoplasm. She either faces many months of painful lingering wasting away or a quick “death by Margo.” I think we know which she chose.

    Mary Worth: Jenna shares a stare with a young Ted Bundy. That’s not a compliment.

  52. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Fucky Wankersnatch: Oh, ‘cmon Josh, yesterday it was obvious that Bautik was going to have Funky get into a car crash! In fact, the woman looks like Susan. I wonder if Funky is going to have to have a leg amputated? Or his head? A leg, for sure.

    Luann: Why does Greg Evan insist on going down this path of high school teenage nudity?? That being said, either GUnther is hung like a horse, or his new nickname is “Acron”….

  53. Larry Fine
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#32): Isn’t EVERY Lifetime movie like that?

  54. Larry Fine
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @MaryAnnTheRest (#29): Thanks MaryAnn!

  55. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    FW— I think the meaning of panel 3 is being over-interpreted. The black square represents nothing more than Funky’s view when his hood flies up after the collision. No doubt he will continue to live on in misery for many years to come.

    Luann— Gunther’s “tail” is dragging because the extreme embarrassment/excitement of being nude with Luann has caused him to overload his Depends®.

    RMMD— Cops everywhere cower in the presence of bratty teenage girls.

  56. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FW: The cut-to-black represents a third time jump. Tomorrow’s strip will take place 400 years from the present wherein we find that “Funky” is a hereditary title, the current one being the 21st in a line of purple-clad, Hobbesian sad-sack superheroes whose mission is to make sure that life for everyone in Westview is nasty, brutish, and short.

  57. LaziestManOnMars
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Unfortunately, Funky is wearing his seat belt, so it won’t be “Winkerbean’s adventure through the windshield glass.”

    Since it’s already Thursday, I imagine we’ll have to wait until next week to see just how bad those lacerations are.

    I hope “Funky Winkerbean” flashes back so far Funky’s living in his dad’s balls.

  58. Soccerhead
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: If this were 9CL, the next 3 days would consist of nothing but black.
    Beetle: I this were the Wizard of Id, today’s final panel would show BB shackled in the dungeon.

  59. mamapajama
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G has been around since sometime in the early 1960′s. Apparently life has not moved forward in any meaningful way since then.

  60. Uncle Lumpy
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Don’t you pity Margo: her glass is half-empty ’cause she’s drinking from it, candy-ass!

  61. Jake Morgendorffer
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    How could Luanne see Gunther’s front and back naught bits at the same time? Dude, you’re the one who’s already pointed out that massive three-foot catapiller slong he’s packing!

  62. Girl Reporter
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#36): mort ex machina

  63. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Marquis de Maquis (#56): The “Ghost that Detox?”

  64. Old School Allie Cat
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Jeez, why don’t you two make the beast with two backs (and one large caterpillar front) already?

    A3G – Jeez, why don’t you two make out and/or catfight already?

    FW – Jeez, why don’t you two bleed copiously onto your respective dashboards already?

  65. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#28): HAR! Thank you.

    Maybe the “documentary” he has in mind is fifteen minutes of utter blackness, titled “Horrible Car Crash.”

  66. cj
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    “You can’t fool me – I know the real Luann!” You’re right, Margo, this one’s just a double. The real Luann plays with crayons because paint fumes have caused her severe brain damage.
    @BigTed (#39): And in the morning, Margo will finally kick her out of the damn apartment and never call again.

    I know that’s supposed to be a black panel, but I can’t help thinking, “What is the symbolism of a brown panel with three water droplets on it?” Hopefully it’s Funky’s rain-dampened overcoat, after they cover his body.

    Gunther feels his shame is inescapable, and thus has donned the phallic costume, becoming his shame. Meanwhile, Luann’s shock has turned to excitement. Clearly her future career is dominatrix.

  67. Cranky
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    I think we can all agree: a mashup of the two strips would be even more unsettling.

  68. Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: You guys have it all wrong! The black 3rd panel is a closeup of Les’ hair, just pre-time jump. Tomorrow the camera will pull back to reveal Les sitting on his tiny cot in a mental hospital. Everything that has happened since the jump has been the sick fantasy of a man driven to madness by the death of his beloved wife.

  69. H-Bob
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Why is Foghorn Leghorn answering Herb’s prayers ? Or is this a “Pluggers” cross-promotion ?

    How did Gunther have time to show off the full moon to the entire library during his conversation with Luann ? Why can’t he just put on his wet underwear, or does he ordinarily go commando ?

  70. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    FW — To the small extent that I care, I’d like to know why the two cars are crashing. I’ve seen some dumb things done by driving cell-users, of course. But the Funky and Chatty-Cathy cars, when we last saw them, were fairly close to each other and were still going staight in their respective lanes. The laws of physics alone would seem to argue against a collision. Did Bugs Bunny suddenly run across the road, or what?

  71. Jerome Howard
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: Look at the grouse!

  72. Cooler King
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    FW Epologue: Car crash leaves Funky as a mangled, one-armed man with post traumatic stress disorder. The pain is too much and he tries to O.D. on pills. Les oversees this while hiding in the bushes from any woman who is not his ghost wife, and runs in to save him. Unfortunately the three minutes during which Summer are unchaperoned are more than enough for her to get teen empregnated in the back of a custom van whose heart shaped windows were not thoroughly tinted, thus exposing her to the sweet carcinogenic rays of the sun. Fast forward 10 years, 20, 50, it doesn’t matter… the cycle continues, life is miserable, sometimes you die, and sometimes it just gets more miserable. The end.

    PS – The football team keeps losing too.

    Thanks for the memories, it was a great ride!
    Tom Batiuk

  73. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — Well, this is embarrassing. It took all this commentary to help me understand what Luann was talking about.

  74. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    This just in.
    Dateline: Pittsville Library.
    A teenage boy, dressed in what appeared to be a worm suit, died suddenly of an apparent heart attack when nearly half the town jumped out from behind the stacks and yelled “SURPRISE!” It seems it was the young man’s birthday and the town had been planning a surprise party at the library for months. The boy’s name is being withheld until his family (who were not at the party) are notified.

  75. TheOriginalSteve-Dave
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    FW: I think the black square is unconsciousness. The next few days will be black panels interspersed with a few scenes of Funky going in and out of consciousness.
    The young woman will be in a coma for long enough time that the bar sequence and its obvious accusations (tox screens be damned!) will bear down on Funky until either the woman awakens and takes responsibility for the wreck (unlikely to happen in real life) or the bartender steps in as a witness. Throughout it all we will watch as the entire Winkerverse collapses in financial ruin and havoc is wrought upon those who were closest to him: Montoni’s will lose business unless he turns his back on Funky, the burdgeoning personal relationships that Les had been building will rift, then tear asunder (moreso than they already have, I mean.)

    I can hardly wait! :-)

  76. Larry Fine
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    “We need help! Tony Stark’s gone MAD!!”
    “What did he do?”
    “He was saying Spider-Man is a dedicated and powerful super hero!”

  77. bats :[
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m basking in Panel 3.

  78. Loki
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    I like to believe that Gunther has a twisted mutant anatomy that somehow matches with the worm-suit in some worrysome way, hence the ability to see both the “full moon” and the “front door” at the same time.

    @Larry Fine (#26): Westview is an anarchy? Has the entropy of the FW universe finally destroyed even the government, leading to institutionalized chaos and despair?

  79. littlestevie
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    FW: Gee nobody but nobody saw this coming. I also think Funky is going to live, unless Batiuk wants to pen a Funky without Funky strip ripping off the Garfield without Garfield strip. There will be some alcohol issues with Funky, as people saw him leaving a bar and he is a recovering alcolholic etc.. In California they do BAC tests on both drivers after a crash like this one, even when alcohol is not necessairly suspected. In Ohio they probably don’t, so Funky will spend the rest of his life in jail after he was convicted of manslaughter on flimsy evidence.

  80. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#77): Bats are generally creatures of the dark.

  81. Occipital Lobe
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Jake Morgendorffer (#49): Ah! I get it now! “Funky” is a childhood nickname for Edmund Blackadder Winkerbean, and his son’s name “Cory” is a nickname for “Edmund Blackadder Winkerbean II”, and … (I’m giving this way too much thought, aren’t I?)

  82. TheOriginalSteve-Dave
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Luann: In panel two, with reference to Gunther’s “barn door” &c, I think there is a need for a suicide watch.

    “Oh… um… ”

    “Yeah.” :-(


  83. tb4000
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Between the Luann strip and the Funky strip, it’s like the kids are getting a crash course in a David Lynch film this week.


  84. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    S-M — So does this mean the Puppet Master dressed up the wittew-bitty Tony Stark puppet in wittew-bitty Iron Man armor? Awww. And if the goal is to create maximum terror and horror, P.M. could just make Iron Man stomp up and down the aisles holding his junk up and peeing on everyone.

  85. StoutHearted
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Only Funky Winkerbean would have such a bleak moral as “You should have been a hopeless alcoholic and had that drink, now some distracted lady on her phone will mow you down with her car, so don’t you feel silly?”

  86. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84): Yow! That’s a weapon I bet Homeland Security hasn’t thought about!

  87. bats :[
    June 24th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Cranky (#67): absolutely, Cranky. And it works in so many ways! (Looks like Tom B. is branching out again.)

  88. UncleJeff
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    TheOriginalSteveDave@41: So, will anyone else at the library ever know that Gunther was prancing around naked inside that costume?

    Answer: Like many public institutions, Luann’s library is covered with surveillance cameras purchased with federal Homeland Security money.
    That video of the naked Gunth was already on YouTube and other platforms within minutes of Gunth fleeing the library, “third leg” err Bookworm tail trailing between his naked legs.
    It was that very video that the girl in “Funky Winkerbean” was watching when she crashed into Funky’s PT Cruiser.

    Thank you for your question, SteveDave and remember…when you’re behind the wheel, keep your eyes on the road and not naked pictures of Gunth.

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#80): not fruit bats and flying foxes.

    to what level our bats :[ is flying, fruity and/or foxy I shall leave untouched. [*]

  90. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Pity versus Scorn? While LuAnn and Pity at 50:1 odds are an attractive long shot, we are talking Margo and her weapon of choice. I’ll take Scorn at 1:1.

  91. TheDiva
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#70): Well, notice in panel one Chatty Cathy is clearly turning the wheel left, into oncoming traffic. The motion lines around her are actually disturbances created by the invisible hand of the Dark God Batiuk, who enforces trauma and misery on his creations even when none would logically exist.

  92. Peanut Gallery
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#43): At first, that sounds like an improvement, and yet… the concept is horrifyingly reminiscent of ReFOOB.

  93. Peanut Gallery
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#50):

    Why is Gunth wearing his glasses with the arms outside? It looks stupid.

    You answered your own question.

  94. AndyL
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    What’s is this? Interesting things are actually happening to Tommie Thomson, and we’re stuck here watching Margo and Lu Ann bicker?!? Wow, The writers really do hate Tommie.

  95. Peanut Gallery
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Jerome Howard (#71): I thought maybe it was Mark Quail. [Groan]

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    for bats :[.

  97. Larry Fine
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    MW — Jenna sure seems to have a blissed-out look on her face. Is she a customer of Prof. Papagoras’s Pharmaceutical Phun Phactory?

  98. Buck Ripsnort
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#58): The only dungeon in Beetle Bailey’s army belongs to Sarge, and Beetle’s been “shackled” there many a night. Oh, “shackled” wasn’t a euphemism?

  99. Digger
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    A3-G: Men are terrified of Margo, but terrified in the same way they are afraid of roller coasters. Sure, it’s scary, but you still love to ride it.

    FW: That last panel was the most upbeat Funky panel I’ve seen in ages.

  100. Sequitur
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#87): Bats :[ this is where I’d like to see it used.

  101. Maggie
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I implore you, please stop Guntherwatch 2010. I deeply suspect Greg Evans has run out of ideas and now he’s illustrating Gunthann fan fiction and everything about what I just typed is a bummer.

  102. Mibbitmaker
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: Last black panel is actually a replacement for the real third panel, which shows the two Geico squirrels high-fiving each other, one saying, “Aw, that one was too easy!”

  103. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    FC: If “homework” means 30 pounds of fetish porn then, yes Billy they gave me a lot of homework today.

  104. Brian Steinberg, Comics Examiner
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    My question is will they still call it “Funky Winkerbean”? Or will the title become “Les Moore”? Or better yet, “For Comics Readers Considering Suicide”?

    And, say, is anyone curious about what sexually harassing remark General Halftrack was about to make in “Beetle Bailey” yesterday?

  105. Robin
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    The cell phone girl presumably swerved to try to avoid him…but it appears as if she’s swerving to her left, which would bring her NEARER to Funky.

    Murder, perhaps?

  106. Cranky
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#87) and @Sequitur (#100): If either of you wishes to start a new blog called Black Ultimate Panel I shall be your faithful reader.

  107. Dagger
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    FW: Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe this is the part where the Vortigaunts come in to rescue them and deposit them at the base of a deteriorating super-skyscraper run by evil alien overlords. No wait, that’s too upbeat for Funky Winkerbean.

    A3G: The “real Lu Ann” = Mexican drug lord.

  108. The Dead Acorn
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    You’ll understand how Luann saw both cock and ass when the strip Funky Winkerbeans into the future and Gunther turns out to be Ron Jeremy.

  109. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#63): That could work; and in the post-time jump Crankshaft, Ed’s heirs are known as simply as “The ‘Shaft” or Ghost-Who-Balks and Ghost-Who-Squawks. While the Funky goes around making sure people get cancer, become chemically dependant, and/or die or get disfigured in all manner of seemingly random accidents, the Shaft will merely sit back and mock all those caught in the cruel web of the Funky.

  110. Duckman30
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Luann’s first glimpse of male genitalia will be the driving force behind “Scenes In A Teen’s Life 2 – Gunther Boogaloo”.

  111. Gump Worsley
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Does Netflix work differently than usual in the Crankshaft universe? I mean, I’m sure all the movies are dark, nihilistic 1960s German films, but they wouldn’t charge late fees, would they?

  112. Push Trot
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    MT: Oh no! Poor Doc. Way to hog all the fun, Mark.

    Ziggy: After much deliberation, Congress finally past the highly controversial Misery Tax.

  113. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Gump Worsley (#111): In the Funkyverse, the late fees aren’t for not returning the movies, but for not killing yourself after watching them.

  114. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    JP: Will Mark try their desserts? I don’t know… I don’t know…

  115. Mela
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#79): “In California they do BAC tests on both drivers after a crash like this one, even when alcohol is not necessairly suspected. In Ohio they probably don’t, so Funky will spend the rest of his life in jail after he was convicted of manslaughter on flimsy evidence.”

    Oh, but this is Tom “WRITING” Batiuk. He can’t be bothered to do any research about the military, use of dental records, the legal system, mental illness, or normal human behavior. Expecting him to actually acknowledge that the cops might do more than sniff the corpses for the smell of rum is like expecting the sun to turn green. Like I said this morning, I’d hope this was the end, but we’re dealing with a venal, egomaniacal bastard of a “creator” here.

  116. UncleJeff
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Gump Worsley (#111): No, they charge “early” fees which accumulate while you wait for the arrival of the DVD.

  117. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wow, Dr. Mike is one prime Grade A A-Hole! Butters her up then drops the phony phone number on her! Proabably sent the email from his account too. Priceless.

  118. John Small Berries
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Came for the Sopranos reference, left satisfied.

  119. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#117): My apologies to the real a-hole who has the HUNGDOC9 hotmail account for all the Curmudgeon fanmail he gets…

  120. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    I just finished Volume Two of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Tarzan: The Jesse Marsh Years. It reprints issues 5 through 10 of the Dell comic book series from 1948 and 1949. Since I grew up reading the Dell Tarzan comics, these early stories (by artist Marsh and writer Gaylord Dubois) brought back a lot of fond memories.

    Unfortunately, the Tarzan comic strip is currently moribund. I notice that the syndicate is simply rerunning old strips from Gray Morrow’s tenure on the strip (1983-2001). Aren’t there enough newspapers left on their subscription list to justify the syndicate hiring a new artist/writer to work on Tarzan?

    I find it interesting that DePaul and Ryan have been able to successfully move the Phantom into the 21st century, but ERB’s heirs have been unable to do the same with their character!

  121. sully
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    While Gunther’s member is mercifully left up to our unwilling imaginations, the officer in Crock proudly wears his on his face. Not since Elly’s senile old man, Jim, have we been subjected to such a pair of chin-nuts.

  122. MaryAnnTheRest
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Cranky (#67): That is so much better! God, why couldn’t Luann be all black panels this week?

  123. Dr. Shrinker
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    My interpretation of FW’s final panel is that the impact of the crash flung Funky’s car all the way into the Gulf of Mexico! Get it? It’s topical!

  124. Girl Reporter
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#115): There was a local court case resolved recently involving a State Trooper who was killed in a car crash. They didn’t get around to testing his blood for several days and when they did it was found to have high alcohol content and he was blamed for the crash and the resultant deaths. His family protested and sued because drinking on the job was far out of his character. Yadda yadda (I’m just working from memory, haven’t looked up the article, maybe Batuik read it too), turns out as a body decomposes, blood gets more and more alcohol-y. So the family won and the dead man’s name was cleared.

    I’m placing my bet on Funky’s funky corpse blowing a false positive.

  125. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#120): I’ve wondered the same thing. I was reading Tarzan pretty regularly for a while just to marvel at how geopolitically incorrect it was (storylines about Tarzan and Boy helping the U.S. Army establish a secret base in Africa to take down the League of Evil Scientists who were dressing up as witchdoctors to get the natives to rise up against thegood, noble Democracy-spreaders) until I realized it was a rerun from the 1960s. I think it could be quite rebootable/updateable with an environmental theme (Tarzan going after Chimp poachers, corrupt Niger oilmen/guerrillas, etc.). I wonder if Disney has its mitts on any new Tarzan media b/c of the movie they did a few years back.

  126. bats :[
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#96): thanks! It appears that the fellow on the right might be a male, if you know what I mean (and to anyone who’s been reading Luann, I think you do).

    @Cranky (#106): I think this is something that will be just tucked away by some of the more insidious minds around here and will pop up from time to time. As it should be.

  127. Topher
    June 24th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    And why is Gunther wearing the costume over his head, if he is just hiding his nakedness and small pee pee why would he need it over his head?

  128. Binder's Butter Beans
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Other uses for the Funky Winkerbean Panel of Darkness:
    1. Funky’s coma.
    2. Pullin’ the plug on Funky.
    3. Funky’s funeral. (There will be a tornado, obviously, and all power will be lost, plus four mourners will die, leading to more blackout panels and funerals.)
    4. The first time in upwards of ten years that Les gets any action. (Bets on which girlfriend is the lucky one now being accepted.) (And by “lucky one,” I mean of course the one he doesn’t sleep with.)

  129. Ray Jay
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: I feel cheated that panel 3 was black instead of full color blood and gore. Maybe it is a religious statement that Batiuk thinks there is a black void instead of life after death.

  130. waitingforlefty
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Larry McAwful (#44): Exactly. We know Batiuk is perfectly willing to kill off his title characters. Now, if we can only get him to also eliminate Les before his dead-wife memoir makes him even more insufferable.

  131. Calico
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Gap-Toothed Starey “HOOOO!” Guy (#68):
    That would be awesome. Good scene development!

  132. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Marquis de Maquis (#125): “Mighty Whitey” is rather a discredited Trope these days.

  133. Hairhead
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann – The question on many people’s minds seems to be: “How did Luann see everything?” It’s pretty simple:

    Gunther disrobed completely with his back to the door, leaving his wet clothes in a pile at his feet. Luann enters and sees Gunther’s nude backside, including his Crack of Doom. Gunther squeals (like a girl, as we all know he would) and whirls around, giving Luann the full-frontal Gunther cock-bomb. He then whirls again, bends over the pile of wet clothing, revealing to Luann his Black Hole, and finally turns once more, coyly holding his plaid shirt over his frontal-bits, revealing only a hint of girlish hip.

    There! Everyone’s mind polluted yet? Not yet? Okay, here’s what Luann is thinking during the whole show:

    Luann: (I’ll just enter through the side door. What is that skinny, pasty-white flabshow in front of me? ??? Aaah! He has no pubes! Hmm, now I know what that phrase “Brad’s yummy chocolate starfish” that TJ is always using means!)

  134. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#58):

    If this were the Wizard of Id, today’s final panel would show BB shackled in the dungeon.

    And if it were Sarge’s secret stash of “special” doodles, it would show exactly the same thing.

    Oh, and please count me in for the “Widespread Use of a Black Final Panel” Fan Club.

  135. Luban
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Batuik must be a big fan of Tristam Shandy. Alas, poor Funky.

  136. monkeyboy
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    This panel will be the punchline for between 15 to 35 percent of all Funky Winkerbean strips from here on in.

    83 percent of last years Funky Winkerbeans can be improved by replacing the punchline with a black square.

    …go ahead, try it.

  137. Bootsy
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    I keep hearing Margo’s “Blondie” line with an Eli Wallach accent. That’s what he called Eastwood in “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”.

  138. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Luban (#135): Yes, Tristram Shandy is brilliant, hysterically funny, inventive, and way ahead of its time. The writing is clever and evocative, the plot is full of surprises, and the characters are eccentric but also sympathetic. And it has a black page.

    So I guess FW has one thing in common with TS.

  139. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Since what I know about CROCK would probably fit on the head of a pin, please forgive me for posing an indelicate question to my fellow Curmudgeons:


    I don’t know if the character’s hideous deformity has ever been addressed by ReCHIN (an alias?) or the other creators of Crock. However, I’m sure the story of exactly what happened to Preppie’s face is far more interesting than anything that has appeared in Crock up until now!

  140. AhClem
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    FW – In tomorrow’s strip, Funky is sitting up in bed, drenched in sweat. “It was all a dream!” he exclaims to nobody in particular.

    And in the history of all “writing” ever, that cop-out ending will actually be better than what TB really has in store for us.

  141. Bitter Scribe
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Regarding FW, let’s be optimistic, shall we? And by “optimistic,” I mean “maybe the autopsy will confirm that he died sober.”

  142. Devious Pepperoni
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I want to know what kind of bullshit seatbelt is attached to the roof of the car? Is it one of those fancy automated ones from the ’90s that wound themselves down a track over your shoulder, and it just didn’t function this time? Oh, man–I foresee a products liability suit between Funky’s estate and Toyota regarding the faultiness of his 1993 Camry’s automatic shoulder belt.

  143. Bitter Scribe
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#64): That’s a question you could ask (minus the caterpillar stuff) of any Luann character at any time. That strip is one monstrous, decades-long case of blueballs.

  144. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    FW — why the f*** are both drivers swerving towards each other?

  145. Government Cheese
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Luann: You know, maybe that large bugcock outfit is quite possible the correct fit. Might explain why Luann is all of a sudden interested and not shitting a brick like Gunther.

    One day Gunther will turn into the Zohan, but it would require an ass-whooping of epic proportions by TJ and Short Elvis.

  146. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    actually, it’s pretty much shown in the strips how Luann has seen both front and back. The “AHHH!” is most likely Luann seeing Guth from the front, and in the June 23 strip, she’s clearly checking out his bum. (I’m guessing that the full costume includes tights, but Gunther isn’t wearing them)

  147. MsFeasance
    June 24th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#58): Just 3 days? I would think it would be 3 panels of flashback and one panel of black for six weeks.

  148. Foolkiller
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    So Funky will be sued for everything (including Montoni’s) because he was either having a drink or seen coming from a bar while cell phone girl will get off scot free (aside from her death). I can’t wait for months of courtroom drama with the gang hanging out for support while Funky’s kid smirks about how stupid his dad is.

  149. ElkMeadow
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#33):

    Sounds like the Daphne Du Maurier’s “Rebecca,” but from the viewpoint of Rebecca’s lover. The guy or Mrs. Danvers, either one.

  150. Austria
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m jumping in on this black panel bandwagon.

  151. ElkMeadow
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Rana (#40):

    I wished Dallas hadn’t had the dream sequence. I liked the idea of a sober Sue Ellen taking charge of her life and telling J.R. where to get off.

    I also liked the Devil one, where J.R. saw what life would have been like if he’d never been born.

  152. nescio
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Was there some kind of mixup? I believe Gunther was supposed to have the line, “Don’t you dare pity me, blondie! I know the real Lu Ann.”

  153. Girl Reporter
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    If this isn’t the end of the strip, do you suppose someday that black panel will be rendered in sepia and old-timey scrapbook corners?

  154. Angiportus
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Was it the thought of letting his nails grow or the prospect of getting closer to his men that caused the “Crock” officer to get a chin-hard-on?

  155. littlestevie
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk could do a Funky-Cranky crossover, and I know how much he loves to do these. Funky gets ejected from his car during the accident, even thogh he was wearing a seatbelt, and is lying on the road unconscious, but alive. Ed comes tooling down the road in his school bus, oblivious to everything as is usual for Ed. He runs over Funky’s head and it squishes like a ripe tomato, Ed continues down the highway of life. Not so for Funky.

  156. ElkMeadow
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Occipital Lobe (#81):

    I’m not so sure. 400 years was a gap in the Threadfall on Pern, which somehow Anne McCaffery forgot to include the 50 that would had had Thread, had it fallen.

  157. ElkMeadow
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#115)

    we’re dealing with a venal, egomaniacal bastard of a “creator” here.

    Who? Which one? Batiuk or the creep at 9CWL?

  158. ElkMeadow
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Marquis de Maquis (#125): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#120):

    Now I’m wondering if the cancellation of Annie had more to do with sexism than anything else. She was running in the present time, with new art work.

  159. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I don’t know you well enough for this but some of us men happen to bend at the waist to pick up our underwear off of the floor and when we do our loved ones, pets, and occasional parkway passersby get a full eyeful of both our bodacious asses and our junk without having to pirouette to achieve successfully. Try it sometime, in front of a demanding Margo-esque manx.

  160. ElkMeadow
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Ray Jay (#129):

    When I’ve been hit by a car, I have the black void. And then I wake up in the middle of what seems to be a birthday cake, but they turned out to be road flares.

  161. Sly Robbie
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    FW: Suzy Cellphone will suffer terribly and die a horrible death. Funky will be impaled by a part from his own car — the Crankshaft, specifically. He will then “morph” into a bitter old bus driver, forever known by the auto-part still lodged in his body: “Crankshaft.” He will make everyone around him miserable. Every soul he ever touches will wither, and then die. Horribly.

  162. Karen
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Here is how I envision the Luann horror:

    Luann opens the door while Gunther has his back to the door, bending down to reach the “Billy the Assless Bookworm” costume. He hears the door and her shriek, turns around without first grabbing anything to cover his shame–I mean, nakedness–and then quickly grabs his plaid shirt to cover the aforementioned shamefulness.

    Either that, or Luann is just referring to seeing Gunther’s ass courtesy of the backless bookworm outfit.

  163. Aviatrix
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @K. Ivan Ruppert (#47): A blood alcohol check on Funky and a subpoena of Chatty’s cellphone records will keep that from being his word against hers. After all, didn’t DNA results quickly rectify misidentification of a soldier’s remains?

  164. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#132): True enough, and yet the Phantom keeps plugging away with a daily strip, a made-for-ScyFy movie, at least three currently-running comic books, and a new comic book series starting in August. One advantage Tarzan would have over Kit “Mighty Stripey” Walker is that the character can be tweaked to explore the division (or lack thereof) between humans and animals and avoid (to some extent) the imperialist and racialist overtones one finds in Burroughs’ and subsequent authors’ stories. Hold on. Am I being earnest and passionate about a hypothetical Tarzan reboot? My SnarkBox6000 must be on the fritz.

  165. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#144): If you lived in Westview, wouldn’t you swerve toward the oncoming car, if only to get it over with?

  166. Mr O'Malley
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Luban (#135): Given that Tristram Shandy is ostensibly an autobiography, originally published in 9 volumes, and the hero doesn’t even get around to being born until volume 3, it would seem to have more in common with McEldowney, at least as far as pacing is concerned.

    Except that Tristram Shandy is hilariously entertaining.

  167. teadrinker
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    The only way Gunther’s worm-cock costume could be worse is if it said, “Read with Willy.”

  168. zerowolf
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G: That’s because Margo doesn’t believe in a “safeword.”

  169. KarMann
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#28) on Cranky/Netbuster: Hey, I know a guy over in Milford who’ll make your indy film [*] for just $75.

  170. Orinoco
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    So the other day when Luann was lying on her bed with her dog, I thought she looked kind of cute. I need to get out more.

  171. KarMann
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Re-try after preview fail:
    @Will (#28) on Cranky/Netbuster: Hey, I know a guy over in Milford who’ll make your indy film [*] for just $75.

  172. David
    June 24th, 2010 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    If you ask me Gunther wanted to get caught. Why not just use the restroom to change?

  173. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @David (#172): David, Gunther naked in the restroom could have led to all sorts of awkward scenarios. He may have found true love.

  174. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    FYI: if you’re truly bored in a Luann sort of bored way, go to and search on the term “Thressome Fuck.” I believe it’s the Albanian way to say “threesome.” Being a gay man, I had never heard of “gay chicken” before. If this is a game that straight men play when they get together, I need to start buying more Pabst Blue Ribbon. All that was missing was Boston’s More Than a Feeling playing in the background and a Confederate flag on the wall.

    I believe Margo Magee would find this video “amusing.”

  175. Sheila Sternwell
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Hey. So. You think we’ll be seeing Funky in a wheelchair and a Mudlarks baseball cap being wheeled around by a nurse next week?

  176. spike
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#157): Are you suggesting that Brooke and Batiuk are twins seperated at birth?

  177. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    The 6-24 SCARY GARY rates a look from anyone who loves the macabre — and ZOMBIES! Mark Buford’s strip isn’t for everyone, but it’s good in the same way that the movie “Plan Nine from Outer Space” is good.

    It’s a classic win-win situation, folks. Scary Gary will either win people over… or it will become an easy target for Josh and dozens (if not hundreds) of Curmudgeons!

  178. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

  179. Bitter Scribe
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#177): I liked Scary Gary and was disappointed when the Chicago Tribune axed it (along with Lio, which really sucked).

    However, I disagree with you that “it’s good in the same way that the movie “Plan Nine from Outer Space” is good.” IIRC, Scary Gary was funny on its own terms. For a truly “so bad it’s wonderful” newspaper strip, you have to turn to Nancy (the original Ernie Bushmiller one, not that next-generation abortion that I hope isn’t still around).

  180. AndyL
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Brian Steinberg, Comics Examiner (#104):
    Uh, General Halftrack was clearly going to say “Honey would be fine on my sandwich.” or words to that effect. The gag is that the one time he says something innocent, his wife barges in and things he’s hitting on the secretary. Hilarious. Allegedly.

  181. Uncle Lumpy
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#178):

    “In my OSS can.”

    Indeed. And, um, ouch!

  182. Walker of Dog
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Robin (#105): Or maybe she’s British?

    @Ray Jay (#129): So in other words, more of the same.

  183. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Bitter Scribe (#179): I agree with you about Ernie Bushmiller’s Nancy. The strip was so damn corny, I just had to admire Bushmiller’s audacity when it came to some of the more outlandish situations he created for his characters. And yes, I used to laugh often (or at least chuckle) when I read read Nancy. But I wouldn’t sell the current creators Guy and Brad Gilchrist short if I were you. Their version of Fritzi Ritz is HAWT HAWT HAWT as I remarked in a post last night.

  184. This Guy
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Len the Lotus (#y392): And Hamlet’s father should have his spirits (ha) lifted by being around a ghost who’s even less cheerful than he is.

    @Sans Sense (#17): So the question is “How much more black could this panel be?” And the answer is “None. None more black.”

    @commodorejohn (#8):
    From the Mudgeville Post, June 25, 2010
    MUDGEVILLE — An unidentified man, believed to be a local resident, was killed yesterday when he was struck by a car on S.R. 105. Law enforcement officials have not yet decided whether to rule the death an accident or a suicide. The driver of the car, Raymond Seglind of Mudgeville, was not found to have been impaired at the time of the incident. “At first, he was just standing there by the side of the road,” said Seglind in a statement to the press. “I wouldn’t say he looked distraught–determined is the word I’d use. Then he just stepped into the lane. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it–he smiled as my car came toward him. A big smile, like he was the happiest guy in the world.” Police are not planning to bring any charges against Seglind.
    Another witness to the event was Martha Hoover, whose car was stopped at a red light at the nearby intersection with Mountain View Road. “I had my window open, because of the heat,” she told reporters. “Suddenly, I looked over and saw a man step right out into the road, calm as you please! And he shouted something–at first, I thought he said ‘I’m going to heaven!’ But now, I think he might have been saying ‘I got you, Evans!’ No idea who Evans is.”
    The police are requesting that anyone with information as to the man’s identity or possible motives contact them at 678-555-0112.


    H&J: Yes, Herb is a dummy. An ugly, stupid dummy who will never have ham–certainly never, unless he gets it for himself!

    9CL: Oh, you know you’re in trouble when the comic starts showing you parts of itself. ‘course, in fairness, these previously-seen scenes ran just prior to the K-T boundary impact, so it’s not too surprising that Brooke thought a refresher was in order.

  185. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y352): Here’s a quick tip: Search is your pal.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#y356): Ow. Well put.

    @Poteet (#84): You seeck leetle monkey! [*]

    @commodorejohn (#178): Very “Tricky Cad” work!

  186. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#158): Were there characters still lacking pupils? If so, they might have pulled the plug for freaking little kids out with their dead, white eyes.

  187. Spills
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

  188. Chance
    June 24th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Possible alternate explanation for disparity between dialogue and picture in Crock:

    The guy who draws Crock is a terrible, terrible artist.

  189. zerowolf
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    FC: Or its 20 kilos of coke as we finally discover Papa Keane is really a drug mule.

  190. Citoyen
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Has Batiuk noticed that over the past few centuries the thigh-slappingly-funny name “Funky Winkerbean” has gotten somewhat out of sync with the suicidally depressing content of the strip? And cf. “Whoopi Goldberg.”

  191. zerowolf
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I take it neither Batiuk or Ayers has a clue how Netflix works, or are their characters so dumb they subscribed to the wrong online movie service.

  192. Anselm
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    I am betting on a NDE for Funky. Perhaps Virgil will escort him to the Inferno to show him other comic characters who are suffering in Hell. That’s where the strip will now be set. Funky’s Inferno anyone?

  193. Marquis de Maquis
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Anselm (#191): Imagine Funky’s surprise when the 9th Circle is Westview.

  194. zerowolf
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Love is: Staying together in misery for the sake of passing that misery onto the next generation.

  195. zerowolf
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Anselm (#191): But in order to have a Near Death Experience doesn’t that mean Funky has to have a life?

  196. Mom
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    FW: Well, he’s driving the same car his first wife gave him (in Ohio but no rust proves it’s fantasy). Perhaps it’s the only way he can get a new ride.

  197. Violet
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    I surely cannot be the only who, as the current Luann storyline progresses, finds the statement “all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” running with ever-increasing insistence through my mind.

  198. Comcis Fan
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Karen (#162):

    I see you’ve put a lot of thought into this. :)

  199. carbunicle
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#120): I returned the same book to the library a couple of weeks ago.
    I think the answer is that Tarzan has made forays into being contemporary but much of his appeal has been the Victoriana. Stripeypants’ wackiness is not bound to time or space.

  200. Great American Satan
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    I forget who posited the future “Funky Who Walks” scenario, but it made me LOL. Grazzi!

    Anyone else remember LuAnn talking with her mom recently about not being hot for Gunther? If this storyline is connected (ie, she has a physical attraction now, so they can live happily ever after), ….

    The vomit will never end.

    Plus, it’s like the author endorsing flashing, as a means to win over the girls that don’t seem interested. That’s just irresponsible, man.

  201. Comcis Fan
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Correct me if I’m wrong, it seems that the Luann strip consists largely of a series of teen and post-adolescent porn set-ups that go absolutely nowhere. Luann herself, however, may now enjoy years of Billy the Bookworm fantasies. The closest Gunther may get to deflowering Luann may be donning that costume and letting her have her way with Billy’s tail.

  202. Comcis Fan
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Great American Satan (#199):

    The author’s whole obsession with the teenage libido is a bit ewwy. The fact that the teens never make out, much less go farther, doesn’t make it less so.

  203. dale
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]


    (1) I’m repeating myself from the previous thread.
    (2) I won’t guess as to whether this has been thought out for the strip.

    Happens a lot. Driver (the woman) runs off the road to the right. Driver overcorrects and ends up pointed at oncoming traffic. Death and destruction ensue.

    Funky has a real problem and I’m not sure what the right answer is in general.
    Swerve left assuming the driver will continue into/across his path or turn right.

  204. Rana
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Great American Satan (#199):

    No kidding. There are an awful lot of disturbing sexual and sexist messages in Evan’s supposedly wholesome comic: girls must have boyfriends to be complete; grown adults are not allowed to have any kind of intimate relationship if their parents disapprove; simply being a decent human being is supposed to guarantee that girls will want to have sex with you even if there’s no attraction or chemistry; girls who refuse to have said sex are cold and unfair rather than being honest about their feelings…

    I think his insistence on providing role models has turned all of his characters into various combinations of scolds, cockteases, egomaniacal nymphos, one-dimensional over-achievers, and sexless pathetic wankers.

    It says something where Puddles and TJ come across as the only normal creatures in the lot.

  205. Crankenstank
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann has certainly opened a whole new world of euphemism for us as we try to explain what’s going on in this panel in a way that will not emotionally scar our six-year-old for life why still communicating to one another what’s happening in today’s strip as one of us reads to him while the other makes breakfast. “So, WHAT’S going on in Luann?!?” “Well, hon…Gunther’s got an enormous….um…bookmark, um, between his legs, and, um….Luann’s….um….” “Daddy, WHY IS HE wearing glasses and crying and why won’t you read this one to me?” “Yeah, dear, why won’t you read it to him?” “Son, wouldn’t you like to read Dennis the Menace instead?”

  206. Anonymous
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @dale (#202): But typically the overcorrecting driver (the woman) hits traffic behind the car they initially swerved to miss. In this case Funky sails by unscathed and she plows into White Gloves McDeath who was foolishly following too closely, ready to lead Funky to the land where they haunt Les.

  207. Nigel Stonewrent
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    FW: When I saw panel 1, the thought came to me: Wally needs a woman, if she’s missing an arm, all the better.

  208. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#205): Rats, that was me after an abundance of cookie killing.

  209. Old Goat
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    What, no Masky McDeath? No Dead Lisa? What’s wrong with this strip?

  210. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, if Funky wakes up and the flash forward was all a dream he will NOT stop drinking. Ever.

  211. littlestevie
    June 24th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Old Goat (#208): Yeah I too want Masky and Lisa to lead him to Hades, then Funky and Lisa can haunt Les for rest of his pitiful existence.

  212. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#158): It depends on whether or not you believe the official reason given for Annie’s demise. According to Tribune Media, Annie was in less than 20 newspapers (worldwide?), so the syndicate decided to cut its losses and cancel the strip. At first blush it appears to be a sound business decision, but TM perhaps coulda/shoulda kept the strip going via reprints. It’s been done with other strips (Tarzan, Flash Gordon) and the syndicate has over 80 years of Little Orphan Annie/Annie strips in its archives. One suggestion would be to reprint the LEONARD STARR version from 25-30 years ago (Annie doesn’t get any better than that!).

  213. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#91): But why? Why? Drifting I could understand, but why a sudden swerve? But of course you have already answered those questions. I cannot argue with the black logic of Batiuk. With apologies to Poe, “Darkness and Decay and the Dark God held illimitable dominion over all.”

  214. Black Drazon
    June 24th, 2010 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Marquis de Maquis (#125): Dunno if you’ll see this, Marquis, but Disney definitely doesn’t have the Tarzan license except maybe to some of their original characters. It’s mostly in the hands of the Edgar Rice Burrows estate. You can see their additional trademark hovering around the first Kingdom Hearts, and when SE made the first sequel (rehashing all the zones from the original) they just gave up on Tarzan to avoid the extra legal trouble.

  215. Rana
    June 24th, 2010 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#212): One thing I’ve heard is that an instinctual response to an upcoming crash is to fling your arm across your face to protect it. If you’re right-handed, you will fling your right arm up – which can translate to spinning the wheel toward the center of the road (in drive-on-the-right countries, obviously).

    However, that’s not what Cellphone Woman looks like she’s doing – I continue to believe that she’s deliberately aiming that direction. (Maybe avoiding a tree… maybe trying to take Funky with her.)

  216. Sans Sense
    June 24th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    It’s going to take some time for them to get that Funky stain off the road…

  217. Mr O'Malley
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#213): In the spring of 1910, Sinclair Lewis sold a number of story ideas to Jack London. One of these resulted in a short story, When the World Was Young, which appeared in The Saturday Evening Post on September 10, 1910. The story described a successful businessman in Mill Valley, California, who led a double life, with his nocturnal self swinging naked through the trees like an ape, wielding a club.

    Edgar Rice Burroughs, who cited London as one of his favorite authors, published the first Tarzan story in 1912.

  218. doug
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Anselm (#191): The only problem is that the sequels to the Inferno have happy endings. As does the Inferno, which at least ends with Dante exiting Hell for Purgatory.

  219. rhymes with puck
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Luann: If Gunther’s costume is anatomically correct, how could she not see it?

    FW: Since there wasn’t a creepy Phantom/Death thing in the final panel, I assume that now we’ll be inflicted with endless smirky puns about bedpans and hospital food. Just shoot me…no, better yet, just shoot Funky and get it over with!

    Crock: I don’t understand how his chin develops an erection as the strip progresses.

    Crankshaft: You know what would have made today’s strip funnier? If the last panel had been completely black.

  220. Karen
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    #198 Comics Fan,

    Well, it’s not like there’s anything on television. Caprica is on hiatus and Warehouse 13 doesn’t start up until July 6th. A bored mind is the devil’s playground, and all that.

  221. Trey Le Parc
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: I suspect he just can’t draw a decent car crash.

    Marmaduke: My emerging hypothesis is that this dog has somehow managed to work a digital camera and has compromising pictures of every human in this strip. It’s the only reason one of them hasn’t beaten Marmaduke to death with a crowbar while he slobbers in his sleep. I admit, the theory needs work, but didn’t it give you a pleasant mental picture? The beating, not the compromising pictures.

    JP: Neddy’s hair reminds me of a praying mantis. Actually, Neddy reminds me of a praying mantis. Look out, Harvard man.

  222. Écureuil Écumant
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Luann: And sure enough, the next day’s headline read “Gunther’s Ass Out Front”.

  223. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#198): For a throughly modern take on Tarzan, read the novel A Feast Unknown and its sequel, Lord of the Trees. Both books are by Phillip Jose Farmer, and the main character is a thinly disguised version of Tarzan/Lord Greystoke.

    The first book also features Farmer’s thinly disguised version of Doc Savage, who went on to appear in another sequel to AFU, the Mad Goblin. It’s been about 35-40 years since I read any of these books, but I remember how blown away I was by the concept of Tarzan and the Man of Bronze sharing an adventure!

  224. wossname
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#178): I love it! That’s as funny as a bats :[ mashup.

  225. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2010 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#223): That wasn’t all they shared.

    The structure of the Ace Double with Lord of the Trees and The Mad Goblin was pretty ingenious. The way Farmer wrote it, you could read them in either order and still be surprised at the end. Damn genius.

  226. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#212): I’ll agree that the Leonard Starr “Annie” strips would be great to see again. He did a remarkable job of breathing life into a moribund franchise. I do have to disagree that they don’t get any better than that, though. I’ve read years of the originals by Gray, and he was one of The Great Masters of the art. True, his work started flagging in the 60s, but before that he did some stuff so great that it is no disservice to Starr’s fine work to say that he wasn’t Harold Gray.

  227. Andy L
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Wow, check out Argyle Sweater today.

    Now, I’ve never been a fan of pretending that people were perfect saints after they’ve died, but wouldn’t a joke about Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery been more funny when he was still alive?

  228. Walker of Dog
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rana (#215): I think you’re onto something. What if the cellphone call was from her paymaster, giving the final instructions on her suicidal murder-for-hire mission. And the laughter right before the fatal turn? Maybe the caller was reading her today’s funnies – xkcd and Sinfest were pretty amusing.

  229. This Guy
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Karen (#220): Good news, everyone! There’s about to be something on television, in about an hour (if you’re in the Eastern or Central time zones.) Futurama, season six. (I only wish I were getting paid to post this.)

  230. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking there are plenty of other strips that would gain from judicious use of the Black Panel O’ Doom™. herewith, a modest example.

  231. commodorejohn
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#224): Aww, you flatter me :)

  232. Rimpy
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    If there is any justice in this world, the (seeming) death of Funky Winkerbean the character would portend the death of Funky Winkerbean the godawful, depressing comic strip. Batiuk abruptly ended a previous strip (the name of which I can’t remember and don’t care to look up) by showing the main character get murdered. Any other outcome of this promising storyline will just make me more depressed and angry than reading the strip already does.

  233. mr 12 oz can
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    mary worth- what dr roberts will jenna meet the one with red hair or black hair and i notice shes on her second beer
    mark trail- does murph want the reward or to see small stache or big chin mildred face the five curled fingers of trail
    top chef- remember cooks a dessert in a contest never wins ,bourban babe might back me up on this unless she enjoys deep fried snickers

  234. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#178): I just looked at Dissociated Chickweed and let my eyes sort of slide around the words and images without them making any sense, and now I’m feeling sleepier and sleepier, drowsier and drowsier. It’s kind of *yawn* cool…

  235. OKStan
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    I gotta feel for FW’s unnamed cell-phone girl. Just mindin’ her own business, travelin’ down that road in her little SUV, chattin’ away on her little cell phone when she enters…THE FUNKY-VERSE.
    She won’t die, but she’ll have a broken leg or something. The storyline will play out for a few weeks until it’s determined the wreck was her fault for talking on the cell phone. Then, she’ll develop brain cancer from cell phone usage.

  236. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#226): I know it’s splitting hairs, but Gray’s strip was called LITTLE ORPHAN Annie. And Gray did the best LOA strips — bar none. However, the Starr version (called simply “Annie”) stands on its own. After Gray’s death, the strip endured several years of substandard work by artists whose names are best forgotten. As I recall, it even went into reprints for a time. Nope, there’s no doubt in my mind — Starr saved the franchise when he was hired by the syndicate to revive the character of Annie Warbucks!

  237. vend-o-panty
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Judging from that last panel it appears someone is in Hell now…which actually may be a welcome relief from Batuik World.

  238. tb4000
    June 24th, 2010 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    If the Funkman does bite it, I know John Darling is praying he goes to the opposite place he’s currently residing. Even in the afterlife, constant pessimism is apparently frowned upon.

  239. Anselm
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    Doug, you are right about Dante’s Purgatorio and Paradiso.

    No one would ever mistake Funky Winkerbean for being a Divine Comedy.

  240. Poteet
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Today’s strip would be even more interesting if it had a third panel that was totally black.

  241. Pop Goes the Weasel
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#5): Good One! (It’s funny because it’s true)

  242. Aviatrix
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @teadrinker (#167): That particular eye is blind, but I wonder if there is anyone who can read Braille that way.

  243. Andy L
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Andy L (#227):
    Oh, I see. They were commemorating the one-year anniversary of his death. Classy.

  244. dyslexic dog
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Quick Funky question: Are those motion lines or stink lines?

  245. Paddy
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    The expressions ont he two drivers in todays Funkey Winkerbean don’t fit that of two people reacting to an impending car crash. My guess? They both just spotted Gunther stark naked in the middle of the road.

  246. Walker of Dog
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @dyslexic dog (#244): Well the plotting reeks, so I’d guess both.

  247. Dr Pill
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Several years ago, there was a comic strip about a single mother and her daughter. The name escapes me (age and brain rot, eh wot?) but it was well-drawn by a woman artist. It didn’t pick up enough customers fast enough (it being pre-Internet and all) so it was canceled after a short run. The final strip was the mother singing a sad lullaby to the girl who had a wide-eyed look of fear on her face as she clutched a stuffed animal. The final panel was a black square. Very sad.

    The sad thing about FW’s black panel is that it’s not the end of the strip.

  248. Old School Allie Cat
    June 24th, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    FWinkerblargh – Remember last summer when we all got so excited because we thought Batuik was killing off Crankshaft? And it turned out to be a doppelganger in a wheelchair watching a baseball game all week?

    I feel like he’s playing us again. We get the fade to black, but it’s going to end with Funky rolling over and telling Suzanne Pleshette he had the craziest dream…

  249. Comcis Fan
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Funky will wake up with a renewed sense of purpose and embrace life joyfully, gratefully and non-smirkingly!


  250. NotThatGuy
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @zenvelo (#10):

    The loveliest conclusion will not be Funky’s death-by-auto, but his move from living purgatory to living hell, as he drags the ghost of Ms. Cell-Phone-While-Driving like a ball and chain strapped to his soul for the rest of his long, grim, bitter life.

  251. Chip
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    FW: Panel three is merely a closeup of Funky’s car. Tomorrow we’ll see that he swerved to aviod the other car and continues on his merry way. Did I say “merry?” I meant depressed…

  252. Buck Ripsnort
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#223): And spookily enough, they were both played by Ron Ely. Pity he never did the Phantom.

  253. Toronto
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone selling a t-shirt with the Funky logo and a big reproduction of that 3rd panel on it?

  254. JupiterPluvius
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    I think Bummer Cancerbean should just go full-on Tristram Shandy and have the other two panels be white and marbled.

    oh god why am I such a nerd

    it’s like being a plugger but without the pleated pants

  255. Here come ole Flattop
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#216): While they dance down “Funky, Funky Broadway.” Very old reference.

  256. professor fate
    June 24th, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: Five bucks says he’s going to do a lame fake out al la Wally getting blown up in Iraq some years back but it turing out to be a video game. He’s going to pull something that stupid. You can just feel it.

  257. dyslexic dog
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Funky 6/25
    Move along, people. There’s nothing to see here.

  258. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#236): I’ll overlook the hairsplitting and agree with you that Starr saved the franchise. When I started seeing his work on the strip, it was actually dynamic and exciting again.

    Surprisingly, some of the guys who continued the strip are memorable, but not for that. Tex Blaisdell, when he wasn’t assisting Gray or continuing his strip, did good work over at DC, and Elliot Caplin (who I believe was ghostwriting the thing) had done his own strip for a while, with much better results. I think they started with a handicap of trying to keep up the inbred mystic drivel Gray had descended to in his latter days instead of looking either back (or forward!) to the strip’s real glory days.

    I just watched “To Tell the Truth” with a segment featuring Blaisdell and two pretenders. He came off pretty likeable. Was that linked from here, or did I maybe find that on Evanier’s site, like 80% of the stuff I look at on the web?

    @dyslexic dog (#244): Quick Funky question: Are those motion lines or stink lines?
    Have you ever looked up the original meaning of “funky”? Definitely stink lines.

    @professor fate (#256): Five bucks says he’s going to do a lame fake out al la Wally getting blown up in Iraq some years back but it turing out to be a video game. He’s going to pull something that stupid. You can just feel it.
    “Dark! Why is it so… oh, my eyes are closed. There, that’s better!”

  259. This Guy
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    Funky: Jesus fucking wept, Batiuk. You couldn’t even manage the diabolus ex machina. You’re such a poor writer, you can’t even be wrong right! (*) Listen, my being hostile isn’t going to solve anything, so how about you just take a nice, long vacation in… let’s say New England. I’m gonna send an e-mail to Mohiro Kitoh and ask him to finish the strip, because there’s a man who knows how to subject his characters to hideous, unrelenting torment properly. Want to know how he manages it? He’s got balls.

  260. Mibbitmaker
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Curses, faked out again! Second time this week besides the Wally thing professor fate mentioned! (actually, it was weird knowing that for a week while everyone posted their Funky Death scenarios)

    Can Pres. Obama call up Batiuk and relieve him of his command? And take Brooke “Ooh, I’m better than all other humans ever” McEldowney with him? Please?

  261. Nekrotzar
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Ha ha, there wasn’t an accident, Funky just got squirted with one of the Mario Kart Wii ink bomb things.

  262. True Fable
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    June Morgan, MILF Women have the upper hand on the comics page, and nowhere is this truth more evident than in Rex Morgan. JUNE is telling the COP how things are going to be; hang the law, June is in charge and don’t you forget it, buddy.

    Honestly, who the hell died and left June in charge?

  263. Poteet
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:24 am [Reply]


    FW — After that black panel, someone should experience death or maiming, so now I’m betting it’s Chatty Cathy and that somehow Funky will get blamed. Fortunately, his business has been going down the toilet, so the lawsuit won’t result in him losing much. That’s the Funkyverse version of Good News.

    FC — Oh, for crying out loud, like Dolly wouldn’t know the word “dandelion.” What is this, a H & J crossover?

    MT — Ordinarily I’d wonder how they could know for sure, without seeing the dog, that it’s Sassy. But Sassy looks like no other dog on this planet. She might even be a law-breaking alien stranded here as a ghastly punishment.

  264. True Fable
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Fist O Justice Theater Mark has a magnetic chest! See how Rusty is pulled to it! Apparently he isn’t rusty through and through.

  265. Rusty
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    FW: I’ve got blueballs.

  266. Carly
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    I just noticed how weirdly proportioned Luann is. It’s like she has no internal organs to speak of below her lungs.

  267. bats :[
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#264): I’m loving all the action in MT in the past few days…it’s all so…so…ACTIVE!

  268. Poteet
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:33 am [Reply]


    PHANTOM — Yep, you fold your arms real good, Kit. We get that already. We got it a few days ago.

    S-M — Use your own goddamn First Class bathroom, Iron Man. Sheesh.

  269. True Fable
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Children of the Circle I have to agree with Dolly today. When I was a kid, I loved yards with dandelions, especially when the fuzzy little seed thing popped up. I never really got why an all-grass lawn was supposed to be better. The entertainment value was zilch.

    @bats :[ (#267): HA! I knew you’d come up with something fun! I think the Yippie Boy would work leaping into Funky’s black chasm of doom, too. Sort of like the “Sassy is struck by a car” flying dog, Yippie Boy is like a two-dimensional version of a toy-Garfield-on-the-window. Oh the possibilities…!

    Yippie Boy would make a good sidekick for Spidey. Somebody’s got to show some action in an action strip.

  270. Walker of Dog
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#258): In the Funkyverse is it really better to have your eyes open?

  271. True Fable
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Dennis Yeah boy, menace the salesman by pointing out there is no food in the showroom refrigerator! Boy, that’s really showing him! Yeah! That’s…that’s… *sigh* that is so terribly lame, boy. Hell, there’s more menace in Rose is Rose, and that is damning, kid.

  272. Walker of Dog
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    FC: “I’ll be in the kitchen refining these into a morphine base. And I don’t want to be disturbed.”

    JP: So the problem wasn’t Mark’s wife’s infidelity, but the fact that she cheated on him with a married man. Because that’s immoral?

    MT: Mark sure could have used one of those final-panel blackouts today. Yikes.

    MW: I wonder what Dr. Mike will make of Jenna’s oral fixation. At least she’s not still shoveling cereal into her yap.

    Phan: Hey Ghost-Who-Buys-Self-Aggrandizing-Advertising-Space, rent a blimp already.

    FW: What the hell, Death?! Not even a minor cardiac episode or a compound fracture of something? That’s it – first thing tomorrow I’m calling Pestilence…

  273. Buck Ripsnort
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    FW: An argument for Federal Seizure of Comic Strips. No doubt Cellular Sally was run off the road, and the Funk will be hit something slower and more insidious than cancercancercancer — Lawsuitlawsuitlawsuit!

  274. Mr O'Malley
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:02 am [Reply]

  275. Comcis Fan
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    MW: Does Jenna have an extraterrestrially long thumb, the nail of which she’s chewing, or is she using a gum-stimulating device?

    Crankshaft: Days of bitter marital anger and finger-pointing over DVD rentals. I’d say these two are overdue for a couple’s therapy weekend.

    Zits: Does Zits have a suggestion box? Here’s my suggestion. Let Jeremy and Hector take that trip in the van while the parents enjoy free. middle-age-crazy run of a tidy house for a few weeks. The mom also could text Jeremy a lot, thus annoying and establishing a closer relationship with him than she has when he’s in the same room. Maybe he could stop in a library to use the facilities and run into Luann and Billy the Bookworm.

    Blondie: The Bumsteads repeat the conversation they had a few years ago when discussing plans for Alexander’s bar mitzvah party. “No theme?!?!?!?”

  276. carbunicle
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#262): “Honestly, who the hell died and left June in charge?” Funky?

  277. papa
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    FW 6/25: One word: Carcosa

    (The story is well worth the read, as opposed to Crash Cancerhaunt. Don’t stop believing … in the BLACK PANEL!)

  278. Luprand
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Y’know, at this point, with his continual stream of tragedy and torture, I think that Tom Batiuk has become the John Steinbeck of funny-page cartoonists. Which is kind of like being the Pamela Anderson of novelists, in that it’s not supposed to work that way.

  279. carbunicle
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    When you look into the solid black last frame, the solid black last frame looks into you. Or something.

  280. Jason1981
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    reFOOB: I got a better solution, smElly: quit making crap , and maybe your kids will eat your food.

    Curtis: Holy crap she’s the Curtis version of smElly! (well, if smElly actually loved her kids sometimes..)

    S-M: Hit him again, Tony!

    RMMD: Uh-oh, JUNE ordered the officer around. No way is he gonna mess with HER (unless he gets to clean her garage or something…)

    Fakeout Whateverbean: Too close? No, I’d say it wasn’t close enough.

    Blondie: Whattaya mean there’s no theme? Of course there is: sitting down and eating. (and possibly heartburn, indigestion, constipation, diarrhea….Yay, Pepto Bismol!)

    MT: Wow, Mark is about as lazy as Spider-Man. ….Except Mark actually fights people sometimes.

  281. This Guy
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#279): Maybe “He who snarks on hack writers should look to it that he himself does not become a hack writer”?

  282. Nietzche
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#262): “Honestly, who the hell died and left June in charge?”

  283. This Guy
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    @Nietzche (#282): NIETZSCHE JINX!

  284. KarMann
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Wait, they have a queue lined up, but they’ve been holding onto a movie neither of them admits to liking for 5 months? WTF, Batiuk?
    DtM: Special guest appearance by the Gasoline Alley refrigerator and “ghost”!
    Quigmans: Special guest appearance by Dr. Roberts [*] from Mary Worth!
    MT: Aaahh!! Get it off GETITOFF!!!1!
    MC: Reminds me of the little “kids” from Akira. Probably not pure coincidence.

  285. KarMann
    June 25th, 2010 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    6/25 cont’d:
    NAoQV: Yes! Yes!! It is Emperor Norton I! Woo hoo!
    Ziggy: I’m in shock… I LOLed! At Ziggy!!

    (Now, time to go read something besides Mark Trail until I remember there are other punctuation marks besides the exclamation point!)

  286. Dr. Weird
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:05 am [Reply]


    In the first panel, it looks like there’s no one in the car. Maybe that’s Funky’s head somehow on the passenger side dash, but shouldn’t his hands be on the wheel? Letting go of them while swerving would cause a much worse accident. Was he momentarily assumed bodily into heaven and then thrown back?

    My Cage

    GREAT coloring effects. Sunny’s eyes are quite eerie.

  287. Black Drazon
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Now, now, everyone. Maybe this isn’t a fakeout. Maybe Funky’s spirit is loose from his body, waiting to find his masked usher. I for one am excited about watching The-Ghost-Who-Suffers-Constantly wandering through the remnants of his life, unable to make contact with that and those that once gave him joy. Bets on how long it takes him to notice the difference!

    Meanwhile, little baby Sunny is an adorably dangerous telepath! Awww!

  288. Jordan Levells
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    My apologies for this but I must say this:

    (In Don Lafontaine-esque voice) Tomorrow: DEATH GETS FUNKY.

    Again, my apologies. Just had to be said. Also, I’m new here so I’ve got to ask, which of the comic strips featured on this site would most likely benefit most from either an omniscient narrator slinging well timed comedic insults or MST3K-like riffing?

  289. Great American Satan
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    No injuries in Funky?!! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!
    Yes, 265 Rusty, I think we all have blueballs now.

    I was SO looking forward to Funky going all James Spader in “Crash” with cell phone girl. Uh, no… That joke left a bad taste in my mouth. Whateva.


  290. Bill the Butcher
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Luann: Giggle, giggle, you know what I saw, girls? I could be traumatised by seeing a, gasp, PENIS!!!

    I think Luann should emigrate to Afghanistan. The Taliban would love her.

  291. This Guy
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#287): So Funky is now either a cheap fake-out or a rip-off of Soultaker? I can’t decide which is worse.

    MC: Yes, the dark side is strong with this one…

    PBS: Don’t be such a damned killjoy, Zebra.

  292. Sheila Sternwell
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#287): Part of me wants this to be true, but the other part of me is horrified that Funky will end up in a Topper-esque situation. Instead of ghosts getting into wacky situations and helping out their still-living friends as in “Topper”, Batiuk would have Funky’s ghost add carcinogens to the school lunches and turn the gas burners on all the nursing home’s stoves.

    P.S. It appears Rusty can levitate once he utters the incantation “Yippee.”

  293. Ash
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean, Friday 25th: What a rip off! I was expecting more despair.


    Tomorrow we a visit from our favourite guy in a mask?

  294. KarMann
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    @Ash (#293): The Phantom? The Amazing [*] Spider-Man?

  295. Dennis
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    Now I’m far from a tech geek but would it even be possible to use an old black and white transistor TV with an HD converter box? I mean doesn’t the box work with the circuit board in the TV or something like that?

  296. Great American Satan
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Rana @204, thanks for the analysis. Trenchant!

  297. The "Noodle Incident"
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    As someone who took a lot of ballet classes, I just have to point out something about the 6/25 One Big Happy:

    That isn’t Third Position. The heel of the front foot would have to be against the middle of the back foot. Obnoxious girl is in First Position, or very close to it. Also, Third Position isn’t used in many methods of ballet.

    Thank you. I feel better now. I’m still OCD when it comes to depictions of ballet positioning. 9CL drove me crazy because of that, even before the Nazi slog.

    Oh yeah, I’m feeling the Funky hate, too. My first thought was “Damn! So close…”.

    And apparently leapin’ Rusty (that would be a horrible toy, wouldn’t it?) has forgotten that it was Mark who initially blew off his concerns that Sassy had been gone for an awfully long time.

  298. ElkMeadow
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    Oh, you’re being set up, Jenna. Your date will either be a serial stalker, the doctor’s frat buddy, or he’ll stand you up.

  299. Ash
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#294): While that would be awesome, I mean Masky McDeath I believe that is his nickname?

    It’d be one of those twist ending things, Funky has actually died and doesn’t realise it yet. Aldo’s death was better.

  300. Hairhead
    June 25th, 2010 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    Luann – I should take over the writing. Why? Three days ago I predicted that Luann, being the sensitive, caring, cocktease-cow she is, would promptly turn to making fun of poor Gunther. And here we are.

    Greg Evans, you are one sick, but predictable fuck.

  301. True Fable
    June 25th, 2010 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    Ah, it never fails. When I’m dreadfully down and life looks like Funky Winkerbean moved in and set up shop in my home, I turn to cute goats at sites like The Ultimate Goat Fansite, and things look better.

  302. Aviatrix
    June 25th, 2010 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    @The “Noodle Incident” (#297): Wait what? After all that pretension about ballet being a real job and all those strips full of nothing but legs, he’s not even drawing it right?

  303. Dennis
    June 25th, 2010 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    Gunther leaves nothing behind but drenched clothes and pride.

  304. Mr O'Malley
    June 25th, 2010 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    @Dennis (#295): Check out my post at 274 for an extreme example (used as an HDTV promo).

  305. Doug Wykstra
    June 25th, 2010 at 3:53 am [Reply]

    Luann’s creepy turned-on expression (3 days and counting!) and the suggestive nature of Gunther’s costume are apparently what passes for subtext in comics today, apparently. We get it, Greg Evans. Gunther has a massive penis. No need to hit us over the head with it; it would probably give us a concussion if you did.

  306. Dr. Weird
    June 25th, 2010 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#287):

    If Funky is a ghost, that means he could discover and then make time with Lisa’s ghost! That’d be the ultimate misery for Les, wouldn’t it? Be hard to top losing your wife in the afterlife to another man… but Batiuk might take that as a challenge.

  307. Bill the Butcher
    June 25th, 2010 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    In an alternate universe, Luann offered to drive Gunther home. Then, this happened:

    (Police Car Siren) WaWaWaWaWa!

    (Police Car loudspeaker): Pull over, old car with young blonde at the wheel! Pull over to the side right now!

    Policeman: Now, young lady, I’m sorry to disturb you, but we got a few crazies phoning in to say there’s this wormlike alien riding in your…GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

    (Police guns): BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!


  308. Bill the Butcher
    June 25th, 2010 at 5:36 am [Reply]

    @Rana (#204):Excellent analysis.

  309. Rembrandt36
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    AG#: Did Margo steal that shirt from Mike Nesmith of the Monkees?

  310. Squirrel
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    If you squint your eyes and look closely at the third panel of FW, there’s Masky McDeath waiting.

  311. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth is the ultimate wish fulfilment to meddlesome moms who can’t bear having single daughters in their 30′s. But this fantasy somes at a price: the horrifying hand-cleavage in panel two. OM MY GOD HER RIGHT BREAST IS TRYING TO KILL HER AND HAS MUTATED INTO A HAND TO DO IT! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGH!

  312. gleeb
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: So, nothing happens? All that build-up wasted when there’s no pay-off of significance? Huh, he fooled me. Batiuk, you magnificent bastard, you win this round.

    Luann: So traumatized after seeing the little Gunth, she had to go to Weenie World.

    Strange Brew: Those are some of the most Western-looking Japanese guys I’ve ever seen.

  313. Pop Goes the Weasel
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Looks like “Inside-the-Mirror Jenna” knows something “Outside-the-Mirror” Jenna doesn’t.

  314. athena
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    FW: I, too, was disappointed at the lack of death in today’s Funky Winkerbean. But then I realized that Batiuk is going to have Funky standing beside his car, trying to flag down some help (because his cell phone can’t get a signal), and just as he’s mulling over how his near-death has led him to appreciate his life, setbacks and all, a careening truck will mow him down. Funky Winkerbean: putting the “fun” in “funnies”…

    MW: What the hell is that green thing in the lower left corner of the second panel? Does she have a dentist’s chair in her boudoir? Is MW getting kinky? (Ew, mental image I deffo don’t need first thing in the morning…)

  315. Numbat
    June 25th, 2010 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    FW – Maybe the real twist will be that not only is Funky dead and doesn’t realise it, but nobody else will realise it either.

  316. Little Guy
    June 25th, 2010 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    MT: Rusty celebrates by nursing on Mark.

    S-M: Shouldn’t Tony have thought of using the lavatory before he put on the suit?

  317. Mordock999
    June 25th, 2010 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Today’s “Funky” 06/25/10

    Well, it looks like ‘ole Funky is about to have a “close encounter” with a DUI charge.

    As for yesterday’s “blackout panel”?

    Well, either the “Tarballs” have reached the Funky Winkerbean strip


    the Editors, at the last minute, decided to CENSOR Funky screaming WELL-DESERVED Obscenities ending with the word “BITCH” at the lady driver…,

    DEATH to TJ!!!

  318. Mela
    June 25th, 2010 at 7:37 am [Reply]


    9CL: To paraphrase MST3k – “If this is another flashback, I’m gonna go make a crowned rack of lamb.”

    Bizarro: Why don’t we just retitle this strip “Chinless Assholes You’re Supposed to Think Are Witty”?

    Buckles: They say “mean, nasty controlling dog” like it’s something new to this strip.

    FC: The Keanes love to bring down the property values on their block.

    FW: Told ya Batiuk’s not about to kill off his cash cow and ego masturbation aide. He’s just going to show his usual spite towards people who (a) are still capable of feeling joy and (b) aren’t creaky, smug, obnoxious Baby Boomers.

    GA: Nancy Drew sure as hell wouldn’t pad out the mystery of “who’s raiding the fridge” for almost a month. She’d shut up and do something, which no one in this strip can ever, ever do unless it’s underwritten by the National Army Museum.

    Luann: Stop masturbating in public, Evans.

    MT: Rusty tries to be a facehugger and misses by a foot or so.

    MW: Jenna does her make-up in one of those not-quite-reflective sticker mirrors for sale at the dollar store.

    MC: This morning’s winner! I love Sunny.

    NS: Ha, ha! It’s funny because new technology is evil!

    PBS: Close runner-up to winner, though.

    Pluggers: I call bullshit. Everyone who’s ever made the mistake of setting foot in a non-Vegas casino knows that Pluggers make up the majority of the patrons, taking four machines at a time and not tipping the waitresses for their stale coffee. In fact, the condensed Pluggertude of a casino floor is one of my main arguments about avoiding casinos.

    RiR: Y’know, that unsupervised pool is just deep enough to drown that kid with the ‘adorable’ speech impediment. Just saying.

    6Chix: Y’know, somehow this strip is more stupid, backwards, and blithely sexist than “Mary Worth”. Not just today but overall.

    Speed: I want a jug of that gallon-sized energy drink.

    Zits: And she’ll still find a way to blame this all on her neglected son, just like a good Boomer.

  319. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2010 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#258): As long as we’re naming names, I’ll throw in a few of my own. One of Harold Gray’s successors on Little Orphan Annie was his cousin and former assistant, Ed Leffingwell (Little Joe). However, Ed had a brother, Bob Leffingwell, who was a strip artist as well (Maw Green), so I might be confusing the two. Cracked magazine’s Vic Martin also had a brief go at LOA (or so I’m told).

    My feelings about Tex Blaisdell are mixed. I absolutely hated his inks on Curt Swan’s Superman, but I remember an issue of Inferior Five he inked over either Joe Orlando or Win Mortimer’s pencils, and it was a thing of beauty!

  320. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2010 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Lio: WIN, with zombies.

    PBS: two weeks of set up for a melonhead joke. Pastis, we love you.

    Frazz: add another Michigan shout-out to the Wiki page!

    Faily Weakerbean is fail.

    MG&G: *snurk*

    posting before reading the overnighters, Left Coasties and early birds. Apologies for any oversnarkage.

    June 25th, 2010 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Funky: That black panel should have been put in on Saturday — then we would have been wading with baited breathlessness over the weekend.

  322. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2010 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#284): Akira. THAT’S the ref I was missing. (been too long since I’ve seen it.)

  323. tb4000
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Funkman: He didn’t survive that shit. This is what we call in “Lost” lore a flash-sideways….it’s merely a purgatory whilst Funky deals with the smoke monster on the island. However, Smokey can’t even fathom why putting Funky out of his misery would help.

  324. AhClem
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    FW – Geez. first she’s yakking on a cell phone, then she runs Funky off the road, and then takes off without so much as a how-do-you-do. Wimmin drivers, amiright?

  325. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Ruminating about the Inferior Five (#319) made me flashback to the late 1960s when Dumb Bunny and Merryman were both members of that group. And I just realized:


    No link, but Don Markstein’s Toonopedia has a nice overview of the I-Five’s history.

  326. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Lab pup! and a determined corgi pup as well.

    otterly adorable kisses and a happy couple. Insulin may be required.

    O goddess, I’ll be running screaming right behind Baka Gaijan after seeing this. AHHHHH!!!

  327. UncleJeff
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    FW: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….shit.
    Cranky: Batiuk’s now trying to make Crankshaft’s daughter as unlikable as he is.
    Ghost-Who-Rings-The-Doorbell-and-Watches-From-Afar: Hey, why should he take all the risks?

  328. Mibbitmaker
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]


    It’s going to get weeeeeeiiiiiird, folks! Still cliff-hangery a week from tomorrow, but….

    Spoilers for next week (read at your peril — the strip, I mean): [*]
    Spoilers, cont’d: [

  329. Edgy DC
    June 25th, 2010 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Margo, Luann, if you want to take the better part of a month to build up to a catfight (a buildup now in its third location), you go ahead. I understand that’s how you keep a strip that nobody reads going for 100 years.

    But how about you bitches eventually take of your coats and shed the turtlenecks? It’s 100 fucking degrees out and you’re making me uncomfortable.

  330. Mel AKA Mel
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Gunther out Gunthered:


  331. monkeyboy
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:14 am [Reply]


    I had to suffer through the Wally arc, which was a plotline as car wreck, and now miss out on car wreck as plotline? This is the Funkyverse!

  332. Steve the Pocket
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Dennis (#295): Nope, converter boxes put out the same NTSC standard signal that old-fashioned rabbit ears have been picking up since the days when Dumont had a network. All he’d need that’s not shown is one of those coaxial-to-screwed-in-wire dongles. Now as to whether the 50-year-old rooftop aerial he has is anywhere near strong enough to pick up digital TV clearly, that’s another matter.

    Cathy just made a joke about Internet cookies that expire too fast. I… I don’t know what to say. My own petty gripe has become a Cathy strip. I feel… kind of icky. Is this how shallow women feel 24/7?


    Funky Wincerbean: So, he somehow safely pulled over into the ditch while he was blacked out????? Also, who else thinks Batiuk is deliberately screwing with us now?

    Herb and Jamaal: The last two days have been repeats. I was halfway through sending an email to Creators Syndicate about this, when it occurred to me to check who syndicates Quigmans. Turns out it’s also Creators. Which makes me suspect that Bentley is pulling the same scam, and the syndicate either has a dearth of editors or just doesn’t give a rat’s ass.

    MyCage: Melissa shows us what can be done when you make the artist do the coloring instead of handing it off to syndicate lackeys.

    Non Sequitur: Truly this is a cowardly new world that has such people in it!

  333. Dave
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    FW: First time commenting but I think that she drove off the rode Funky is going to leave and then be accused of fleeing the scene because he was drunk. Just to cause more pain and suffering. I don’t know how badly injured cell-phone girl/lady is but she will not be dead since that would be a kindness. It is called writing.

  334. jayjaybear
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: Man, Luann’s a bitch! Why don’t you just take what was obviously an extremely embarassing experience for someone who you at least think of as a friend and spread it around the school so that “friend” can be embarassed a couple hundredfold? Geez!

    Okay, that may be personal high school gossip trauma talking…

  335. Dave
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    That or Batiuk is actually going for the happy ending. If he does it will only happen because everyone expects despair. He will always regret giving in.

  336. CanuckDownSouth
    June 25th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    RMMD … wait, I thought Judge Parker owned the “the legal system bows to us” meme. I’m so confused. What did Western Civ *do* to the soap strip writers to make them fear and deride presumption of innocence, evidentiary standards (including chain of possession), and assisting police inquiries?

  337. TheOriginalSteve-Dave
    June 25th, 2010 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Mel AKA Mel (#330):

    FOUR pounds of Parmesan????

    So THAT’s the person who stole all of the food from Walt’s refrigerator!
    Looks like he also raided the fridge at the store in DtM, too.

  338. Push Trot
    June 25th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    H&J: >click<

    MT: In all his exitement Rusty has forgotten that physical contact with other people in any other way than through his fists fills Mark with mortal dread. Look at poor Mark, eerily frozen on the outside while his pulse is climbing its way into the 200′s.
    Lucky Andy’s there to pry Rusty off before the situation gets out of hand.
    PBS: hehe.

    S-M: hehe.

  339. Dennis
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#304): @Steve the Pocket (#332):

    Thanks guys. I really liked that article with the 1936 TV.

  340. AlbertIntucson
    June 30th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Se la vie, Funky. Or, more likely, se la morte”.

    Funky’s wandering around an empty town after his “minor’ car crash and I expect he’ll find everybody at the cemetary for his funeral…?

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