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Happy anniversary, flathead

So, today was the 75th anniversary of the beginning of Dick Tracy! Many of the strips distributed by the same syndicate offered their tributes today, which were for the most part significantly less wanktastic than Blondie’s endless anniversary hijinks. The awards for the two least seamless nods go to:

Gil Thorp, 10/4/06

Gil Thorp, which features a namecheck by a teenager who never reads the paper and wouldn’t read a 75-year-old comic strip if he did, and who was at most two years old when the most recent movie incarnation of the franchise came out; and…

Shoe, 10/4/06

Shoe, which features Detective Tracy’s severed head in a case behind Roz’s bar, with death’s grim rictus forcing him to feign amusement at this awful joke.

In non-Dick Tracy news:

Mary Worth, 10/4/06

Actually, it seems to me that in a single evening you corrected things quite nicely.

Seriously, I’m really beginning to believe that Mary and her crew are just going to talk themselves into a sense of guiltless satisfaction. If this is the beginning of the all-singing, all-dancing, all-sociopathic Mary Worth, then I’m going to just embrace it and run with it. I can’t wait to see what murderous crimes they’re going to escalate to next! “Yes, perhaps crucifying Mr. Jenkins in the Charterstone courtyard and leaving him to die over a period of days was a bit harsh, but he did tread on the flowerbed, and there is a sign warning against doing just that, so in a real sense, this is all his doing.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/4/06

Wow. So, it looks like June and Heather are on the verge of a full-on makeout session, with Rex watching from afar and thinking “ME LIKEY!” Could this strip get any more polymorpheously perverse — or divorced from its ostensible narrative content?

June seems pretty upset that Heather’s petty personal problems have ruined her vacation plans. I’m surprised Heather even bothers to bring up her mother’s feelings, which are clearly not as important as June’s, who had already picked out the kilt Rex was going to wear. All this clan stuff sounds promising to me, though; Heather’s English, if I remember right, so maybe we’ll get into some kind of Anglo-Scot hatred storyline that will baffle the vast majority of Americans for whom all “those people over there” are pretty much indistinguishable.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 10/4/06

YEAH, THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS! ‘CAUSE YOU STILL LOVE HER, BUT SHE LOATHES THE VERY SIGHT OF YOU! WHAT’RE YA GONNA DO? HAW HAW! Ah, whimsy.

UPDATE: So it turns out that “David Tarafa” is actually faithful reader and occasional commentor Lambnesiac, who is the first Curmudgeonite to be successfully TDIETed. And, uh, whose marriage is I’m sure much, much healthier than the Scadutotization would have you believe. Uh. Heh.

185 responses to “Happy anniversary, flathead”

  1. yudantaiteki
    October 4th, 2006 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    I was pretty dense; only now do I understand why Dick Tracy was appearing in Gasoline Alley…

  2. Richard Onley
    October 4th, 2006 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Aldo could’ve handled the truth — it’s just that he wanted to handle Mary!

  3. Marion Delgado
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Josh you MUST, MUST, MUST consider the
    “I’M MARRIED. GO HIT ON YOUR SISTER” T-shirts!

    I predict they could easily be your most popular markety creature yet.

    also, everyone see this?

    “ohgrl says:
    October 4th, 2006 at 7:02 pm
    By Aldo’s Boozy Ghost, will the Charterstone pity party never end?”

    I think that “Aldo’s Boozy Ghost” is the “Grabthar’s Hammer” of the Noughties.

  4. sephohnek
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    and i put in one more request for a ‘mail call’ tee shirt with an exploding mailbox on it.

  5. K Bear
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    He, at first glance I read Catastra’s name as “Castrata”. Which I think makes more sense, considering the strip.

  6. Ubiq
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Let’s see… histrionic displays of grief, denial of personal wrong-doing while attempting to shift blame, and now blaming the victim. So Mary Worth and company are in the third of five stages of the Republican method of coping with a disaster.

    All that’s left now is blaming the liberal media for blowing it out of proportion and, then, last but not least, blaming the gays.

  7. Poteet
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Like many other Curmudgeons, I want to see Aldo’s funeral. If Mary and the Interventionist Naysayers show up, fine. But even if they stay home planning their next life-destroying group finger-wag, I want to see Aldo’s funeral! Do you hear me, Karen Moy? As for Jefferson Cory and “why he isn’t back yet,” to use your words, show us the funeral FIRST and then move on to Jeff. I personally hope his return has been delayed by an emergency hairstyle upgrade.

  8. Tom T.
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Josh missed the shout-out to Jack Nicholson in Mary Worth: “He couldn’t handle the truth!”

  9. Ouish
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    OMG! Congrats, Lambnesiac!

    I know why Dreamy’s Stormy’s campaign signs are being stolen — they have his face on them. *sigh*.

  10. Lambnesiac
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Haha, I’m eighteen years old. I’m not married, but if I were, it couldn’t have been for long enough to make me into a, um, Fignewt.

    (For the record, I wear jeans without holes, and I do feed the kitty.)

  11. JP Patches
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to hear from Lambnesiac all about his TDIET experience — what exactly he wrote to Scaduto (so we can see how much he changed it), how long it took to show up in print, how his life has changed, whether he now gets mobbed on the street when he goes out. etc, etc.

  12. Analyzer
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Warning! Warning! Inappropriate emphasis alert in Rex Morgan!

    WARMS!!!!!!!!

  13. Blueline
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    6 – you just listed all the factors of a Mallard Fillmore cartoon.

    Lambnesiac – congrats! … I think.

  14. Concerned Citizen
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    The Charterstone Gang of Four have pretty much absolved themselves of sending Aldo out to play the juice harp (Geez, Get a clue, Davis). It is to their credit that they go over their technique so that they can perfect sending the next unwitting boob to his boozy death. I think there’s a Mr. Rogers impersonator waiting in the wings.

  15. Richard Onley
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    #5: “at first glance I read Catastra’s name as “Castrata”. Which I think makes more sense, considering the strip.

    Notice that “Fignewt” contains the first syllable of “neuter” . . .

  16. Joshua
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure “The Wizard of Id” did an actual tribute to Dick Tracy, given that the punchline is the king endorsing the parody of Dick Tracy over the original.

  17. NJP
    October 4th, 2006 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute, you mean her name isn’t Castrata? Has it always been Catastra, like in the 15 times Scaduto has used the name over the last six months?

  18. Amber
    October 4th, 2006 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    I think that look on Rex’s face is because he’s happy that his wife has finally found someone she can be happy with, so he can now disappear and go run a children’s clinic with Dr. Troy without the guilt of leaving his wife and child alone.

    And look at all the exclamation points in Mary Worth. Denial, speaking ill of the dead, and dishonest self-assurance really is exciting!

  19. Jennifer
    October 4th, 2006 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    NJP: “Has it always be Catastra…?”

    Erm… yes.

  20. Jennifer
    October 4th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    *blush*
    “Has it always BEEN Catastra…?”

    (still yes)

  21. camster
    October 4th, 2006 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m assuming Catastra’s last name can only be Fee, or Phee, but then I’m just an optimistic kind of guy…

  22. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    October 4th, 2006 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    #7: Seeing Aldo’s funeral would be entertaining but I submit that even moreso would be the Interventioneers ceremoniously placing one of those highly-visible, homemade fatality markers at the site where Aldo went ultimate roadside. Considering the oft-mentioned guardrail-less-ness of that stretch of road, it might be the first time anybody from Charterstone did something that actually helped someone.

  23. efab
    October 4th, 2006 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m curious to know if Lambnesiac actually used “little woman” in the original submission, and if so, is it because that phrase is actually one you use or if you knew it would appeal to Scaduto and increase your chances of publication.

  24. Tony
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Great googly moogly! Did any of you guys see the “Brenda Starr” comic on 10/4? If you didn’t, here (I believe) is a link to it:

    http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?catid=1147&custid=69&file=20061004csbsr-a-p.jpg&code=csbsr&dir=/brendastarr

    Is that who I think it is coming out of the shadows? Chubby guy, brush mustache, ugly shirt, big fluffy hair that could be a wig….You know, we never saw the body…hmmm…

    (And would he have done better if he had called Mary Worth “Chiquita”?)

  25. Tim in Augusta
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    wow- I had no idea that it was Dick Tracy’s anniversary was today. By pure coincidence I found my 1991 Dick Tracy movie-tie-in Timex watch last week, got a battery put in it and wore it today:
    here’s what it looks like: http://www.girards.com/sell/full/19278.jpg
    (I can’t believe someone wants $79 for a $15 1991 Timex, though… wow)

  26. Aerin
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    I didn’t realize it wasn’t Castrata until I read the comments. Perhaps it’s because I think my reading fits better. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t think TDIET worthy of a second reading.

    I should get my hair cut…

  27. Brendan
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Thanks for commenting on Dick Tracy’s head in a box, Josh. That’s truly one of the most creepy images I’ve ever encountered over my Total with Raisens.

    Also, I was pleased to see you comment on TDIET today. My heart skips a beat in joy each time you feature Scaduto’s bizarre comics; I would be perfectly happy if this blog became “Josh reads TDIET so you don’t have to.” Oh yeah!

  28. MGArchitect
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Oct 5 Spoilers:

    Funky Winkerbean: Mmmmmm. Gazpacho pizza. Full of the four basic food groups: giardia, e coli, tapeworms, and salmonella.

    Mark Trail: In the real world, Hoyt would now point the gun at Mark Trail and make him stand on his hands, or squeal like a pig, or something.

    Mary Worth: Oh God, now Ian is sporting cameltoe. Make it stop!

    TDIET: They’ll do it Everytime. Apply to the Forehead. They’ll do it Everytime. Apply to the Forehead.

    Gil Thorp: The cartoonist needs a lesson in those stick-on face strips. They dont go on an angle, dumbass.

    Dick Tracy: Okay. I’m getting the impression that between Al Kinder and Dr. Froid, that this cartoon is beginning to be a clearinghouse for blatant stereotypical Semitic faces.

  29. Mik Holmes
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    I realize now that Castrata (which is what I’m going to call her now on) is getting on in years and has a wrinkly face, but it looks so much like she has a Homer Simpson facial hair going on.

    Oh, also, I now know why Shoe’s author forgets they’re birds. Look at their eyes. They’re just bird-loving drug addicts.

    My favorite thing is that to get Dick Tracy out of that airtight box, you have to smash glass around his face with a hammer. They got Dick to lower his guard by doing something smirk-worthy, decapitated him, and shoved him in a box up a tree. Also, I don’t think even MacGuyver could figure out a use for Dick Tracy’s head in any emergency.

  30. Les McClaine
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    24- Naw, that’s an old recurring cast member. He’s Brenda’s gay hairdresser friend whose name is “Spiff” or somesuch.

  31. Poteet
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    #22 — Good point. And that would at least mark Aldo’s passing with something besides endless rationalization.

    MT — For crying out loud, isn’t this scene in Lost Forest? And if so, isn’t Mark supposedly the person who enforces laws in there? And is random bear-shooting actually legal in LT? I doubt it. While it warms my susceptible heart to see Molly displaying her talents (awwwww), why doesn’t Mark also mention to Hoyt that by the way, if he shoots Molly, he’ll be paying a hefty fine, doing time, or both?

  32. Dub Not Dubya
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s MW:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20061005&name=Mary_Worth

    Why are Mary’s bookshelves full of oversize Crayola crayons?

  33. Dingo
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    To me, the greatest thought regarding an Aldo funeral is the sight of Mary showing up in a bright red dress and Toby still somehow managing to have cameltoe while wearing a black sheath. Who would hold the funeral? His cousin? What I would give to hear the muttered coughs of “that scarlet whore” as Mary makes her way to the pew ala Glenn Close as Marquise Isabelle de Merteuil making her way to her seat at the opera in Dangerous Liaisons. For shame, Mary! For shame!

    I tap my fan and shout, “Booooooooooo!”

  34. Chromium
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    I agree with JP Patches that we need to hear the exact method for a successful TDIET submission. If we can figure out how to write it the way Scaduto likes, we can turn this cartoon into the most entertaining thing in the newspaper.

  35. John-
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    I love TDIET’s names. Fignewt and Catastra is a Shakespearian play in parallel universe.

  36. Chromium
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    OH MAN. I just had the greatest idea of my life. If Lambnesiac shares how to break the Scaduto code, I could start sending in reworded Lockhorns captions and see how long it takes the Lockhorns guy to notice. It would be even more fun to send in reworded Pluggers captions, but it’s harder to translate those into surreal, manic-depressive 1950s land.

  37. Craig Shergold
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Aldo’s funeral sounds like a fine source for another MW video.

    Youtube is down now and I can’t go watch them!

  38. Noumenon
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Thirding the request for Lambnesiac’s original submission.

  39. Wimpy III
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    The Dick Tracy head in the shoe box looks sort of like that guy in “slingblade”

  40. efab
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Mmmhmm (gutterally).

  41. Wirrrn
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Hey,

    Look at the cold and pitiless blankness in Mary Worth’s eyes in the last panel. Don’t be fooled by the crocodile tears/ huge benign tumour under her right eye-she feels nothing for having snuffed out Aldo like a booze-scented candle. I’ve seen more empathy for the life of their prey in the dead, predatory gaze of a Black Widow Spider…

  42. Marion Delgado
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    Emergency use for a Dick Tracy severed head:

    You’re trying to get in to a Dick Tracy 75th Anniversary Party. You break the glass and bring Dick Tracy’s severed head in a bag. You knock on the door and the host looks through the peephole, worried that you’re a SERIAL KILLER instead of a wanted guest. You hold up Dick Tracy’s head at about head height and immediately the door is thrown wide open and you’re welcomed in as the guest of honor.

  43. Marion Delgado
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:36 am [Reply]

    By the way, here’s my take on a go hit on your sister Tee:

    http://www.geocities.com/marion_delgado/hitonyoursister.jpg

  44. M
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan – not only do I forsee some overblown English-Scottish thing, I also forsee vast amounts of stereotyping, deadly inaccurate descriptions of Edinburgh and kilts. Lots of kilts.

  45. Eric
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    I don’t get TDIET in any of my local papers, so this is the only place I see it. Yes: I read a website which regularly reminds me of the existence of “They’ll Do It Every Time,” and yet still I have not snapped and gone on some sort of killing rampage. You are all welcome to worship me as an extraordinarily benevolent god or at least minor deity now.

    The TDIET comic referenced in this entry: What the hell are the hand and head motions of Hubby Fignewt supposed to be? Is he whipping his head back and forth while at the same time attempting to unsucsessfuly shake hands with his wife’s knee? Is he supposed to be all aflutter at the shameful injustice of the wise earthiness being misapplied to his own person? Perhaps he is attempting to grope his wife’s crotch in hopes that a display of some tiny if misguided shred of physical affection will, for once, stop her harping while she accepts manipulation of her genitals? I just don’t KNOW.

    Dammit, why can’t anyone make this comic make sense to me? In the name of all that is good and right and holy, what the hell is going on?

  46. Von Zeppelin
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    Lambnesiac–How do you communicate with Scaduto, anyway? Send him a telegram? Dial the operator to place a person-to-person long distance call? Tune him in on your crystal radio set? Send him a letter with a 2-cent stamp? Carrier pigeon?

  47. Sheilagh
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    Hey, can anybody remind me where Heather met Milton? All I remember is she used to be Sawah’s live-in nanny, and she went on a date, and there was some kind of museum theft involved. Details, anyone?

  48. Sheilagh
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! The settings on my AOL seem to have spontaneously changed, and now I’m staring at this teeny tiny font I can scarcely read. It’s not just the CC website, it’s all of them. How do I fix it, anyone know???

  49. smacky
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    Lambnesiac, congrats! I happily withdraw my initial reaction to the comic: “Damn, that guy is whipped. Poor bastard!” and take solace in the fact that you probably submitted something you saw the neighbors do… right?

  50. DrBear
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    Now, why didn’t FBOFW do a Tracy shoutout – say, Tracy showing up to say that Granthony had been arrested for sending perverse IMs to a young boy…

  51. Summerhouse
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    #36 Chromium – “the Scaduto code.” Ha! I amuse myself picturing Tom Hanks running into the TDIET about bad haircuts, and Catastra and Fignewt say, “Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene! What is that on your head? Don’t you have a mirror? Or an agent? Or something? Why do you have the most ass-ugly haircut in the history of the moving pictures? It’s those Illuminati, ain’t it? Oh, yeah!

  52. Binky Betsy
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    #49: Yeah, I wondered about that. Lynn did participate in the tribute to Charles Schulz back in 2000. And the Blondie tribute. And the Dilbert guest artist week. And I think the MG&G crossover week. And Elly was at someone’s book club; I forget whose.

  53. John C Fremont
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    Has anybody noticed that Toby’s running pants turned white somewhere along the line? On today’s strip (10/5) they’re purple again.

    I SWEAR I’m not obsessed with this camel-toe thing!

  54. laska
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    As a newbie to the RMMD universe, I didn’t realize that was a mom and daughter kiss about to happen- is there no social taboo this man is afraid to cover- no health insurance, Rex’s attraction to other men, fake doctors, incest? I’m off to bleach my brain now.

  55. RichM
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Foxtrot: Crickets do not have larvae. They have nymphs

    Amend should ould have gotten more information on crickets from the Internet.

    (I would have linked the strip in question, but chron.com is broken.)

  56. LaughingOnTheInside
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    I love how Chinbeard keeps his hand on Toby’s shoulder so, at the slightest sign that she’s not going to keep the story straight about how this is all Aldo’s fault, he can shove her through the glass of Mary’s window to her death in the courtyard below. Dead Charterhouse conspirators tell no tales.

  57. Allie Cat
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Hey – Poteet – bad news – over in Stone Soup, it looks like Joan is in fact, carrying Wally’s child.

    That’s nine fun months of pregnancy humor to keep us… entertained!

  58. Ran
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Odd how combover always gets left out of the close-ups. Perhaps a subtle hint about who will be the patsy for Aldo’s death when the cops get wise?

  59. Justafoob
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    we……finallly…….get…….Shhhh……Shhhhhh……Shhhhhhhaaannnoons take……on……..Gwampas……..stroke……..

    Thank…….god………we………have……….the…………..noble……….retard to……….bring……..us…….the……..truth………. We….did….. nnnn…..nnnn….nnnnnotttt…… have…… to………wait…..to…….go …………. back…….. to…….. Mtgwaskiinjunvillage………to……..get ……..the……. noble ……… savages……….. insight……… on…….. life…….. death…… and……. all…….that……….

  60. Harry Paratestes
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Too bad there isn’t a tree around so Mark Trail could have Molly do a ‘pole dance’ for Hoyt to convince him of her tameness.

  61. Hardhearted Woman
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Concept for the holiday season: A Christmas Carol with Mary Worth as Scrooge, and Aldo as Marley’s Ghost.

    Are there no AA meetingss? No whorehouses?
    What of the stalking law and the Downtown Women’s Shelter?

  62. Rose
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    I’m seriously so pissed at MW now. They KNEW Aldo was a recovering alcoholic and didn’t even CONSIDER the “intervention” would send him of the wagon? Seems like a smarter thing would’ve been to try to contact some members of his family.

    I’m sad.

    In so many ways…

  63. Rozenn
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:10 am [Reply]

  64. anne
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    #12: yes. Are we the only people who noticed this? I was thinking maybe they were trying to make some joke, like “I hope Milton’s clan warms up to the idea! Get it? Because, um, it’s so cold in Scotland! Or something!”

  65. gladdismom
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    #48 – This happened to me once. Try this: while holding down your Control key, turn your mouse wheel one click. This changes the font size on your screen up or down.

  66. Frank Drackman
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy was actually pretty good in the early 70′s. The sunday strip had a little extra bonus..a “crime fighters tip” a 1/2 panel with some cool crime or crime fighting fact. I painstakingly saved those for 2 yrs until we moved and the new paper didn’t carry Dick Tracy(no internet in 1972). Yeah I was kind of a nerd, had a telescope in my room and a photo of President Nixon over my desk.
    Toby actually looks pretty hot with her ponytail and workout clothes..but I don’t think Wilbur or Chinbeard have exercised since the carter administration.

  67. stevedogg
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    #53 – i noticed that, too. maybe dick tracy should investigate…

  68. Flan
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I notice Shoe is now being signed by Susie MacNelly instead of Brookins/Cassett or whatever.

    That has to be a marketing trick to make editors feel guilty if they cancel because they’re depriving a poor widow of her only source of undeserved income.

  69. Erika
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth seems to have giant man hands today.

  70. Splinky
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A week ago: “Oh, God. We killed Aldo!”
    This week: “Well, we did what had to be done.”
    Next week: “Hey, anybody want to go dig up Aldo’s grave and piss on the casket? Again?”

    And am I the only one who’s a little creeped out by the expression on Dick Tracy’s face in Shoe? I used to see that same smile when the ice cream man would try to convince me to go for a ride in his truck.

  71. pelagius
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    DTGT: “Who do I look like? Dick Tracy?” In the sense that you’re a poorly drawn character in a nonsensical comic strip, yes, in fact you do bear a striking resemblance…

  72. rich
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Wilbur Weston today is sporting fake breasts and a new Neanderthal browline.

  73. JohnWadd
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Anyone notice that Toby’s grief has become so carnal that she was forced to change slacks?

    Is there hope that the lighter, tighter clamdiggers will make her cameltoe even more pronounced in future panels?

  74. JohnWadd
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Yegads! I neglected to look at today’s MW before posting…Toby is BACK IN FULL-ON LAVENDER!!

    So was she, in fact, down to her L’Eggs in yesterday’s *ahem* strip….or am I projecting??

  75. hogenmogen
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Zits: Billy (kid with the hat) is gay. Why would he think that disgusting behavior in front of a “hot girl” would be a deterrent of some kind? Especially given the low moral character of your average teen boy, and the shabby state of hygiene of those particular teens presented (except Queer-Eyed, color coordinated Billy)

  76. Da Scrodfather
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    #48: In my toolbar, under View, there’s a thingie that says “Text Size”. Try that.

  77. Concerned Citizen
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    #62 – It’s BECAUSE they knew that Aldo was a recovering alcoholic that they intervened his ass. As witness to their incessant neo-prohibitionist prattle, there is no redemption for those tainted by demon liquor. There were times Mary was gibbering under her breath, “He won’t get his drunken paws on my lovely swans.” Poor Aldo thought that they were euphemisms for her breasts.

    Whoops, gotta go…Johnny’s honking the horn.

  78. Josh
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Hogenmogen — actually, Billy is gay, as in homosexual. He was casually outed in a strip a few months ago. It was July 25 of this year (I’d provide a link on the Chronicle, ‘cept most of the Chronicle site seems to be down due to a fire in Houston.)

    So your gaydar seems to be fully functional. At least for cartoons.

  79. Eric
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

  80. Flan
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    That Zits strip feels really derivative of the Oscar-outing The Office.

  81. Sundance
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    What the heck is with the size of Mary’s hands in today’s strip, especially her right one! At first I thought that either Chinbeard or Combover were caressing her face. Or maybe its some sort of subliminal message that Aldo is somehow forgiving her, like Whoopi in Ghost. Or so I want to believe….

    & thanks for the tip Gladdismom, shortcuts are good

  82. LaughingOnTheInside
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    In today’s Mary Worth, it looks like, in the last panel, that Mary will be unmasking herself tomorrow like an old Scooby Doo villain. “Yes, we drove Aldo to his death,” she’ll cackle, “and we would have gotten away with it, too. If it weren’t for those meddling kids!”

    But who’s face will be behind the mask? Norman Bates? Old Mr Jenkins, the caretaker? Or perhaps Aldo himself, having switched identities with Mary. Was it really Mary that drank and drove off that cliff? Did Aldo, disguised as Mary, create the circumstances under which she was forced to take such drastic action? Stay tuned…

  83. iburl
    October 5th, 2006 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Is there any evidence at all that all the Gil Thorp strips were not drawn in the 1950′s or 60′s. I have not read much, but to me everyone looks like they are from an older time. Has anyone ever seen a video game, or a cell phone or anything else to prove this strip was drawn in the 21st century?

  84. Nonook
    October 5th, 2006 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    any one else notice that yesterday’s
    One Big Happy AND Non Sequitor had characters named Rolf in them? Wadda da odds of dat?

  85. MossMoses
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    What brand of LoFo justice is it where Mark Trail has a pet bear do tricks to appease a chicken kickin’, gun totin’ evil doer? Punch him out already.

  86. Lucy’s Spunk
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Foob: so now LJ is comparing special ed kids to vegetative stroke patients? I used to love this strip back in the day, but I wouldn’t mind it wrapping up with Howie the would-be rapist getting his revenge by emptying an AK-47 on the entire clan. Ugh.

    MT: I felt so humiliated for Molly. I was waiting for Mark to throw quarters at her and say “keep dancing, Bojangles.” Hopefully when she’s safe again Molly will claw Mark’s face off.

  87. Ned Ryerson
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    In tomorrow’s Mark Trail: Mark and Molly in tophats and tails doing their rendition of “Puttin’ On the Ritz”.

    But really, how does it logically follow that Molly’s refined skills and abilities preclude her from any beehive vandalism? If anything, Molly’s little show might lead Hoyt to conclude that Molly must be stealing his honey, refining it, and selling it in darling little decorative jars at some roadside stand.

    Posters too numerous to recount have already said it, but give us a break, Moy and Giella, we get it. Mary and her Charterstone bunch have retreated into a foxhole of smug self-satisfaction and there is an implicit pact between the bunch not to let any one member waver from the groupthink. WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO DO. NOTHING COULD BE DONE FOR ALDO. UNWANTED AMOROUS FEELING TOWARDS MARY IS A DEATH SENTENCE. Okay, okay, cut to the pool party already!

  88. Faye
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    It’s looking like Lambnesiac isn’t willing to share his insider knowledge on how to get a submission accepted by Scaduto…Huh!

    Oh, sure, when he wants to bask in all the glory of success we hear all about it– but when we want a little tip on how he did it– who’s nowhere to be found?? Eh?? Whazzat? “Gee fellas, I gotta go…dunno when I can post again…ook-ook-ooko…”

  89. Kenny
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Ol’ Fignewt sure looks a LOT like Barfo; maybe Catastra found out he’s leading a double life and decided the ultimate punishment wouldn’t be divorce but, RIDICULING THE “MOW” JOB TO HIS “SKULL” should fix him right – - heh heh, give an ear…

  90. Poteet
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    #57 — ARRRGH! Noooooooooooooooooo….

  91. Allie Cat
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    #88 – Oh yeah!

  92. MGArchitect
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    #59 JustaFoob: I laughed out loud when I read your post. I’m sure I am going to hell now.

    #70 Splinky: same as above.

  93. DaveyK
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    If this post-facto rationalization session (which has ground Mary Worth to a dialog-ridden halt for over a week) doesn’t ultimately lead to a guilty suicide, an orgiastic blood-letting amongst the co-conspirators, or a reanimated corpse revenge tale, I will demand my money back.

  94. The Original Steve-Dave
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    The 404-ing of the chron.com forces me to GBTW today.
    Those of you not otherwise hindered by Websense, please carry-on, and keep those of us dependent upon chron.com in the loop.

    Thanks

  95. 420
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Now that’s funny!

  96. Harry Paratestes
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    #72 Rich, I’m glad that I’m not the only who thought that Wilbur is sporting a ‘man-rack’ today

  97. mc_frontalot
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I could go for a “death’s grim rictus” shirt. It would have to be done up like a 1920s manhattan billboard, an ad for cough drops or scalp tonic.

  98. Allison Sapphire
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Well, I guess I’ll just have to be the second reader to have a TDIET published. Mine is set to be printed on November 11th and it’s AWESOME!! Strange that it makes me happier than any scholarly achievement or human companionship could. (For the curious, Mr Scaduto sends you a large copy of the comic that is HAND SIGNED… suitable for framing!)

  99. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 5th, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    #3 – (Bearion): By Aldo’s Boozy Ghost, by the joyless fornication of Cameron, by the platitudes of Charterstone, YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!

    #36 (Chromium) Me likey! However, if I may suggest a variation: We should send in Pluggers strips to TDIET and TDIET strips to Pluggers. It would be just like Yojimbo, um, except with anthropomorphic trans-speciated genetic freaks navigating an anachronistic Rooseveltian zeitgeist (sorry – I’m still a little worked up from having to parse “polymorpheously perverse or divorced from its ostensible narrative content” in the context of RMMD).

  100. Jeanne
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #65 Gladdismom,
    Thank you, I can now read without squinting. It’s like a whole new world out there

  101. JonboyDC
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Mary Worth, it looks like, in the last panel, that Mary will be unmasking herself tomorrow like an old Scooby Doo villain. “Yes, we drove Aldo to his death,” she’ll cackle, “and we would have gotten away with it, too. If it weren’t for those meddling kids!”

    I thought she looked more like an evil alien and/or monster disguised as a human and casually cracking his/her/its neck (perhaps after having just swallowed a live bird or mouse). See any episode of 1983′s V for an example.

  102. Pozzo
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    #83: Another strip that seems lost in the mists of time is “Red and Rover.” The boy (Red) has an ongoing crush on Marcia Brady, which would place it in the early 70s, but he’s been known to watch “Combat,” which ran from 1962-1967. In a recent strip, he compared a loner classmate to Marlon Brando, “without the leather jacket,” which has a 1950s ring to it. The following week, he referred to himself as “eco-friendly,” which makes him sound almost contemporary. It drives me nuts. I know I could alleviate this by not reading the strip, but as someone once said about Ernie Bushmiller’s “Nancy,” it’s harder to not read it than it is to read it.

  103. Augiesdad
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Sundance wrote:

    “What the heck is with the size of Mary’s hands in today’s strip, especially her right one!”

    One word – manhands! Has anyone everspeculated that Mary is not a woman at all?

    - Exaggeratedly womanly
    - Big hands
    - Never seems to get past a distant chasteness with her suitors

    Seems to me Mary may be hiding a “surprise”

  104. ChristianPinko
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    MT – Totally ripping off The Simpsons. This is the same plot as that episode where Mr. Burns wanted to make Santa’s Little Helper’s puppies into a suit.

  105. pelagius
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Pozzo/#102: Glad to hear I’m not the only one being driven to distraction by that cartoon. There have been “Laugh In” references as well as others that seem to place it around 1971, then something like “Korean War GI Joe” today. But at least it does consistently suck balls.

  106. Chromium
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    #98- Wow, congratulations. I’m marking November 11th on my calendar.

  107. Splinky
    October 5th, 2006 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    In all our mourning for dear, departed Aldo, I think we’ve lost sight of one important issue – Who’s going to pay for Hal Kane’s apartment now? Personally, I’m looking forward to meeting his other cousin, Sigmund Serialtrapis, who I can only assume will bear a striking resemblance to Mr. Rogers.

  108. rodent
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    My latest favorite FC site, coutesy of :

  109. Tracibub
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    THE CHRON IS BACK ON!!

    Just got to FINALLY view my comics. *whew*

  110. hogenmogen
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    78, 79, Josh, Eric, I know Billy is gay. I remember that strip. It hasn’t been that long, you know. Besides, I’ve been emailing and text messaging him asking if he wants to come out for ice cream some time or …. what? He’s only 15? Oh crap!

  111. LaughingOnTheInside
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    #101…the really frightening aspect is that Mary describes their actions as having been “neighborly”. If that’s how they treat their friends…

  112. Spunde
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Whydatiz Pluggers laff at the soul-crushing facts of their wretched lives when they’re drawn as bears and dogs… “Haw, haw! Ain’t that life? Looks just like me, too!”

    But forward a scene from their life to a strip that uses a witty two-panel format–and human figures–and… give a lissen: “Hello, editor?…Deeply offended…Idea submitted by my neighbor…I’m not, technically, castrated… Looks just like me…”

  113. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Yay! Chron is back up and … GAAAA!

    Ok, ok, we knew Molly was a trained bear. We knew she did this sort of thing for a living. But still..

    I feel like George C. Scott in Hardcore.

  114. Jejune
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I’ve never posted here before, though a long time reader, but I had to point out something, that, while off topic, is very, very disturbing.

    http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/002069.php

    Click that link and stare at panel three for a moment, and then, if you’re anything like me, you will scream, loudly and piercingly. It. just. ain’t. right.

  115. Bobdog
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    MW – Does Wilbur ever say anything? He might a well be a piece of furniture considering how little he’s contributed to the discussion since, like, it began. Is it just that he actually feel some responsibility, but doesn’t relish the man handling professor chin beard engages in when making his arguments?

    Also, it appears to me based on his posture that he’s sucking his gut in the last panel of today’s strip fo no apparent reason. Maybe he’s hold his breath hoping he’ll pass out and not have to be subjected to this inanity.

  116. LaughingOnTheInside
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur is silent because he is desperately afraid that anything he says might be misconstrued as making advances towards Mary Worth and he knows that the penalty for that would be death.

  117. The Original Steve-Dave
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Likely Wilbur is not saying anything because he is the one who drained the brake fluid from or cut the brake lines on Aldo’s car, and removed the DANGER sign from the road. How he knew Aldo would drive that direction, I have no idea…

    I’m only a MW reader since Aldomania was at its apex, so I have no background on Wilbur. How much is known about him? Is it possible that Wilbur is the guy who convinced Dr. Jeff to go overseas? Maybe Wilbur wants Mary Worth for his own.

    It’s always the quiet type.

  118. Islamorada Girl
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    “That brand of LoFo justice is it where Mark Trail has a pet bear do tricks to appease a chicken kickin’, gun totin’ evil doer? Punch him out already.”

    I am awaiting Molly’s best tri ck: you know, the one where she turns Hoyt into a mass of raw hamburger.

    I hate that chicken kickin,’ Ku Klux ridin’ worthless piece of cheap Christmas trash with all my tiny black heart. Nature red in tooth and claw! Git ‘em, Molly!

    Maybe Arrow Butt will come along and make Horrible Hoyt his bitch. I’d like that.

  119. Hardhearted Woman
    October 5th, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Jeeze, Mary Worth! Enough already! It’s a comic strip, not a Pianderello play!

  120. bootsybooks
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #97, mc, wouldn’t that be “skull” tonic?

    Oh yeah!

    I know Phamton defies all laws of physics and gravity and whatnot (they’re not just good ideas, they’re LAWS!) but wouldn’t a boat made of brick sink?

    WTF is a brick boat anyway? Just a cargo ship?

  121. Old Fogeyette
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    113–Thanks for the link to Molly the Handwalkin’ Bear! That is totally awesome! As others have posted, it would be great if she could next be told to rip out Hoyt’s throat.

    And I’m just SOOO relieved that she is all right. I’m pretty sure I’m going to stop reading MT now. I just can’t take the angst and suspense.

  122. The Original Steve-Dave
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Bootsy, rather than divulge just HOW MUCH of an engineering geek I am, I will merely say that it would be a simple matter of displacement. If the boat made of bricks displaces more water than its own weight, it should float just as well as a steel boat. However, bricks are porous and that becomes problematic with any weight of material.

    I think a “brick boat” is a cargo ship that hauls bricks, or bricks AND illegal immigrant sweat-shop workers.

  123. compass rose
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    #115 Was Wilbur’s last line was spoken as part of the Finger Pointin’ Trio?
    “You’d better not!”

    Maybe he was just lip synching.

  124. Mibbitmaker
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Oh!
    my!
    God!!

    The meddlesome unindicted co-conspirators sink even deeper into the abyss today.

    Chinbeard: “I don’t think Aldo’s… mental health was our responsibility to take on.” No kidding, Columbo! Yet you guys took it on anyway. Oh, you’re not being contrite, are you? Just clueless.

    Mare: “There are limits to how neighborly one can be when faced with… problems [like] Aldo’s.” And I’m assuming that agreeing to that soul-crushing session was being “neighborly” toward Aldo? This is what happens when the rottenness of Bucky Kat meets the chuckleheadedness of the FC kids.

    And, indeed, Wally needs the ‘manssiere’!

  125. Zikar
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Yes, you are an asset to the Collective…erm, clan, I mean.

    Apt. 3-G: I feel sorry for the blonde girl who’s having a huge chunk of her body blown out by some sort of yellow death ray.

    Spiderman: Wow, Jonah must have some sort of connective tissue disease to be able to bend his wrist and arm like that. Maybe it’s just the excitement at not paying his employee combined with messing his pants over Nicole Kidman.

    Phantom: That’s right, fight for truth, justice, and against officicious Harbormaster pricks, Ghost-who-bucks-the-system! We’ll see who the real Harbormaster is now!

    MT: NOT ONLY HAS MARK PUT ON HIS PALE BROWN FULL BODY SUIT, BUT EVIDENTLY HE FORGOT HOW TO DEAL WITH EVIL THE TRAILIAN WAY! LUCKY FOR HOYT!

    MW: Wilbur is now dry humping Toby, while leering at the fourth wall! Blowhard isn’t sucking in his gut, he’s preparing to charge! With a superheated gust of air, we’re about to see the two pompous windbags battle for Cameltoe’s love!

    JP: Of course…NOT! Because I’m going to the party with Raju, and you need to be at home to cook breakfast for my drunk ass in the morning.
    Also, I think Raju’s finger is stuck in that position, more than anything else. Must be all that “inventory control”.

    FW: I still don’t know what that black stuff in a ring on the pizza is, but I still think it’s motor oil. Poison, sabotage…all’s fair in pizza cookoffs!

  126. Mibbitmaker
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    #102: What’s really bizarre about R&R is how, unlike Brian Basset’s other strip, Red’s eye completely disappears in side-view. I wonder why he doesn’t bump into things when he does that? The kid has a major medical condition and needs to get to a doctor, stat!

  127. Mibbitmaker
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    #125: I mean Wilbur. And I talk about seeing problems?? (#126)

  128. Polo
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    My god!

    I just realized what the retarded girl (who speaks completely coherently, save the “…” every other word) in FBorFW has! It’s all just a terrible, offensive pun!

    “Ellipsey”.

  129. Mibbitmaker
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    #127 (if it’s still 127 once I post!): #124, not #125….GAAAH!!!

  130. hogenmogen
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #120 – Bootsy – There have been boats made of concrete that do in fact float. They’re not particularly efficient, but they will stay afloat. Think about it. A chunk of metal will sink, yet there are metal ships out there.

    Tomorrow’s MW today:
    MW: They say “The loss of one man does not a community dissolve.”
    Toe-by: Good thing we still have each other.
    Ian: I sort of miss the good Cap’n. Sniff!
    Wilbur: My panties are pink today.

    I love JJJ’s bug eyes, but what the hell happened to his arm?

  131. hogenmogen
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    So these two guys from Funky who make their living from making pizza don’t find something amiss when they put the pizza in the oven and do not feel any warmth eminating from said oven? Also – I thought there were supposed to be all these acrobatic tricks in flipping the pizza and stuff. Was that overpromised? Did Bautik play the bait & switch on us? I demand to know, dammit.

  132. Lambnesiac
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Well, there wasn’t a lot of process, really. I read a few strips to get myself in sync with Al, and then I sat down and popped out a few ideas. I came up with that one, and a few for Pluggers too (I never heard back, but that’s probably just because the Pluggers people had to pawn ther computers, or because I didn’t send it with some turtle mailman or something).

    The email was pretty easy. I tried not to overplay the scaduto because I thought he might be offended if I “oh yeah”ed and “ookook–ook”ed too much. This is it:

    Subject: Every single time..!

    Hey! Thought I’d make a suggestion for my favorite strip, soooo…

    A woman gets an awful haircut, and what does her husband do when he sees it? He tells her it’s great! But then, he goes out and gets a little trim, and… she tears into him!

    All right, that’s it! Thanks.

    David Tarafa
    Miami, FL

    That was July 29; he responded on July 1:

    Dear David:

    Your idea about hubby and wife’s haircuts is funny. I’ll try to work it up into a cartoon and if I do, you’ll be notified. Please send me your full address and I’ll send you a copy when completed. I would also appreciate knowing where you see my feature. Thanks.

    Best ever,
    Al Scaduto

    I responded to that with a Wooooooow! and with the information he asked for, and that was it until August 10 when I got the comic in the mail with a note that said

    Dear David- Thanx for this true-to-life situation–
    Readers will identify the happening with this cartoon.
    Thanx again and Best Ever,
    Al Scaduto

    I emailed him to say thanks then (and as it turns out I accidentally called him Mrs. Scaduto), and that was it. I saw the date written on the comic, so I waited for it to show up on October 4.

    Al Scaduto is a gentleman, and even a Plugger maybe (moreso than the thugs at Pluggers at least), and now, aside from my general celebrity, I feel a little guilty when I laugh at his comics for all the wrong reasons. (And he is pretty hip for being seventy or however old he is, right?)

    (And for the record, I’d been on my way to get a haircut that day, and everybody loved it, and nobody said it was diz-gusting. ( Here it is glowing in the backseat.) So there you go.)

  133. Phil the Wonder Pig
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I wonder how long it’s going to take for Luann to realize that the way to get more friends on MySpace is to show a little skin? Either that or post pictures of her and Bernice making out.

  134. Racing Js
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Congrats on the TDIET comic. It’s cool that you got a framed picture of your comic. Take a photo and send it in. I’m sure Josh will post it.

    I’m the Plugger winner and I didn’t get shit. Not even a hat. Pluggers suck.

  135. Zikar
    October 5th, 2006 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and BTW, Mr. Fignewt isn’t in some lewd position. He’s just doing the “robot” in both panels. Dance on, you dancin’ fool, dance on…

  136. falstin
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    rex morgan has gone highlander on us. there can only be one!

  137. Mibbitmaker
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    (Getting back to normal posts…)

    SF: Ted: “Did they just cave in the garage with the same basketball?”
    Sally: “Not sure.”

    FOOB: Even the black kid on “Malcolm in the Middle” is saying, “Oh…give….. me….. a……..break!

    Curtis: A kid definately didn’t write this week’s strips… though there’s a slight chance Wiley did.

    Monty: Molly is moonlighting!

    MG&G: You bet Satan’s “suffering from burn out”! Al Qaeda, North Korea, Iraqi insurgents, Iran, school shooters, the Religious Right, Ann Coulter, Les Moonves (still not over “Joan of Arcadia”), Michael Moore, Mark Trailian facial hair, the Charterstone 4, Mallard Fillmore, that stingray (Crikey!), Rush Limbaugh’s druggist, Johnny Damon post-2004, FOOB lawyers, right-wing extremists, left-wing extremists, the Repulican Congressional leadership… how can one prince of darkness keep up?

  138. Richard Onley
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #57: “Allie Cat says:
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:39 am
    Hey – Poteet – bad news – over in Stone Soup, it looks like Joan is in fact, carrying Wally’s child.
    That’s nine fun months of pregnancy humor to keep us… entertained!

    Let’s count our blessings — that should delay it happening in Cathy for at least another two years!

  139. The Original Steve-Dave
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    #138 Richard Onley

    “AAAAAAACK!”

  140. Allie Cat
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #138 and #139 – I could only hope that Cathy is far, far too old to consider having Irving’s babies.

    Although, they could devote an entire season to maternity swimsuit shopping. Aaaaack, indeed!

  141. Laura Brown
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    If you’ve ever felt sorry for tadpoles because they can’t finger-quote (and who among us hasn’t?), then today’s Spot the Frog will put your mind at ease.

  142. majolo
    October 5th, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Lambnesiac: Congrats! I’ve got to admit that from now on, when I read my daily TDIET, I will think, “I identify the happening with this cartoon.”

  143. Marion Delgado
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    “But who’s face will be behind the mask? Norman Bates? Old Mr Jenkins, the caretaker? Or perhaps Aldo himself, having switched identities with Mary. Was it really Mary that drank and drove off that cliff? Did Aldo, disguised as Mary, create the circumstances under which she was forced to take such drastic action? Stay tuned…”

    The first rule of Charterstone is, you do NOT talk about Charterstone. The second rule of Charterstone is, you do NOT talk about Charterstone!

  144. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #122 (Steve-Dave) Bootsy, rather than divulge just HOW MUCH of an engineering geek I am, I will merely say that it would be a simple matter of displacement. If the boat made of bricks displaces more water than its own weight, it should float just as well as a steel boat. However, bricks are porous and that becomes problematic with any weight of material.

    Geek? Pah, I’ll show you “geek”:

    A famous example of a brick ship (well, concrete to be precise) were the Liberty Ships that were built as part of Lend Lease Program in WW II. The advantage of using concrete was that the ships could be fabricated and put into service quickly (there was sort of a rush on, what with Hitler pounding the stuffing out of Europe). The problem with the ships was no so much that they were porous, but rather that concrete does not resist tensile stress well. The ships had a habit of breaking up at sea (often, literally, in half) at least the early designs. Of course, how a Liberty Ship would have fared when commandeered by a second-string superhero dressed in fetish garanimals remains a topic of heated debate.

    Great googly moogly, from WW II maritime history to the religious symbolism in Archie to the sweet sweet moose knucklage in MW, is there anything that this site doesn’t have the courage to confront?

    CC rules! Aldo drools!

  145. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    After some Googling, I found recent pictures of Al Scaduto and other cartoonists (I recognize the name “Don Orehek” from Cracked). Thought some of you might be interested since it’s always nice to attach faces to names.

  146. ohgrl
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    #2/Marion, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I’m hoping to work it into my daily conversations.

    However, my greatest dream is to see it used in a MW tribute by other strips: “Gwampa….dead? Noooo!! By Aldo’s Boozy Ghost, you shall be avenged!”

  147. Mooncity
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    This is all just bad acting on the part of the Mary Worth cast. I just don’t buy it. They KNOW Aldo isn’t really dead. My “Aldo Death Conspiracy Theory” will be proven true, you mark my words!

    I’m just sayin’…

  148. Star
    October 5th, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth has been pretty much the same for the past week or so…one of the characters says something about how they didn’t cause Aldo’s death, and then another one says something about drunk driving or how it was Aldo’s own problems. I hope a new storyline or a new conversation starts soon.

  149. Canuckguy
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Re: #132:

    > That was July 29; he responded on July 1:

    My God, Scaduto has a time machine?

  150. cap’n underpants
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Re: 144 SPOI – (Re:122 (Re: bootsy))
    I just wanted to add that you can still buy cement-hulled sailboats. They are generally held to be fabulous, and carry an also-fabulous pricetag. They look great, but are a bitch to insure …because they do tend to fall apart like a Pinto …or Hoyt’s head in Molly’s jaw……

    ~In case you’re wondering: (probably not) My coworkers and I had a long discussion about cement over lunch yesterday …coincidence? Not really.

  151. Dingo
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    #145: Those photos show one scary Viagra-filled cartoonist-infested rathole of a Best Western conference room from Hell. Garrett Bender wins the Ian Cameron, Ph.D. chinbeard look-alike contest. Don Orehek reminds me of the elderly man in the neighborhood who used to play “Lady of Spain” on the accordion for us kids while wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Ah… the good ol’ days.

  152. Summerhouse
    October 5th, 2006 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    My sweet, precious Molly girl! On the run from crazed dogs and a gun toting idiot and arrow-ass bear, and what does Mark Trail suggest? Do a handstand! Or be killed! Whichever you prefer! Look at the anxiety on her face – “I’m handstandin’ here, boss! Don’t kill me!” God! I hope she eats them both.

  153. Harry Paratestes
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    #114
    April is finding out that her friend has really long, cold fingers, as evidenced by panel 4

  154. Grendell
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Just want to contribute the fact that I was in posession of a Dick Tracy pencil case during elementary school. I had no idea who Dick Tracy was, but somehow I wasn’t bothered that I didn’t own a CareBears or Troll pencil case instead. It had this really cool pencil holder gadget. Umm, that’s all.

  155. Brendan
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    #66:
    The Sunday strip still features Dick Tracy’s crimestopper tips.

    I’ve been pondering TDIET all day, and cobbled together my own TDIET strip. Here it is, for anybody interested:
    http://www.curragh-labs.org/pics/TDIET.jpg

  156. dimestore lipstick
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Polo
    “My god!

    I just realized what the retarded girl (who speaks completely coherently, save the “…” every other word) in FBorFW has! It’s all just a terrible, offensive pun!

    “Ellipsey”.

    Oh, that’s just not right.

    Mainly because laughed so hard I nearly asphyxiated.

  157. Braniff
    October 5th, 2006 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Here’s how Family Circus might have paid tribute–Billy might have seen Grandma on a wristwatch TV and went looking after her, leaving a dotted black line through the neighborhood.

    Of course, how we would have the Family Circus pay tribute to Dick Tracy might not be allowed to run on most newspapers’ funny pages . . .

  158. Fred P.
    October 5th, 2006 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Re: 150, 144, 122

    Although, in general, most sailors tend to prefer sailboats made from the more usual GRP, wood, or steel, concrete does have some advantages over those materials. Especially in that it is generally far less expensive and far easier for the average layabout to work with. These traits led to a brief craze in the early ’70′s of would-be circumnavigators building concrete hulls in backyards all across this great land, inspired perhaps by books of nautical adventure by such authors as Moitessier, or perhaps just inspired by some of that good weed that those early ’70′s types were always smoking.

    The ’70′s also featured such (comparatively sensible) crazes, such as the Pet Rock craze.

    Boatbuilding being, after all, a skilled trade, and human nature, after all, being what it is, the amateur boatbuilding craze soon faded, replaced by another craze- backyard koi ponds, garden sheds, duckblinds and planters that were large, concrete, and shaped like incomplete sailboat hulls.

    Still, although they are vanishingly rare in U.S. waters, there remain a few afloat. The best ones can be beautiful and seaworthy (in fact it is true that they are hard to insure, likely because so many were built by unskilled enthusiasts. Few “real” manufacturing companies built them. The “Pinto syndrome”, while undeserved by concrete as a material, is entirely justified by the record amassed by the jerry-rigged contraptions that emerged from backyards everywhere to float, briefly, and then, gloriously, to sink).

    There are recorded instances of concrete sailboats making remarkable voyages. Few of those voyages, though, would stand up in comparison the saga unfolding before us. That is,if The-Ghost-Who-Better-Be-Up-On-His Tide Tables-And-Aids-To-Navigation-And-Who-Is-Unlikely-To-Carry-A-USCG Master’s License, standing so smugly at the helm, manages to safely pilot an unfamiliar vessel into an unfamiliar harbor (at night yet!).

    More information about obscure topics of limited interest can be volunteered by random individuals on the Internet.

  159. cap’n underpants
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Fred P: …Wow. Thank you. I thought I had a pretty good handle on the ‘Useless Information’ situation…….
    Damn. I am impressed!

    I’d say you need a hobby …but I think you may already have one. :-)

  160. Richard Onley
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    There are recorded instances of concrete sailboats making remarkable voyages.

    You can read all about one in the book Con-Creki . . .

  161. Allison Sapphire
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Holy Moley! Al Scaduto looks EXACTLY how I pictured him.

  162. cap’n underpants
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and The-Ghost-Who-Is-Winging-It-Again is a suberhero.
    Superheros don’t worry about pesky things like ‘licenses’ or ‘training’. They’re Super, and their Super-ness will carry them through all the night-darkened harbors in their life.

  163. cap’n underpants
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    …or spellcheck….

  164. BewaretheCreeper
    October 5th, 2006 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations Allison Sapphire on your wonderful achievement! By the way did you supply the “names” or was that filled in by the Great Scadutto?!? Inquiring minds want to know! LOL

  165. 2fs
    October 5th, 2006 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    #24: I believe that’s actually Philip Seymour Hoffman, in a cameo. (Unless I spelled his name wrong, in which case it in fact is the guy whose name is spelled that way.)

    #132: Good to know Mr. Scaduto is a gentleman – although we still reserve the right to make vicious fun of him. What I really wanna know is: is that Thom Yorke’s kid brother driving the car in that photo?

    #149: Of course Al Scaduto has a time machine…he’s only visiting the 21st century.

  166. Erich
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    145 – Thanks for letting us see the faces to go with the names.

    I am in awe of Don Orehek’s facial hair.

  167. Poteet
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    #138, 139, 140 — I guess that’s a good therapeutic technique. To mitigate my utter horror at the thought of Joan’s pregnancy, I need to imagine Cathy pregnant and then be grateful it’s not true. Okay, imagining Cathy pregnant…OWW OWW OWW OWW!!!!! Yes, it does feel so good when I stop. Thank you!

  168. miss alexandra.
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    “I identify the happening with this cartoon.”

    coffee mug?

  169. Marion Delgado
    October 5th, 2006 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    “I wonder how long it’s going to take for Luann to realize that the way to get more friends on MySpace is to show a little skin? Either that or post pictures of her and Bernice making out.”

    Now you’ve moved out of the world of Greg Evans’ teen girl comic and into his desperate teen girl fantasies. Shame on you.

    “Sunday, Greg Evans opens with a title panel showing his heroine in workout clothes, with her gym shorts lovingly rendered to show her ass-crack. Completely gratuitous. Observe. By the last panel, you can see him thinking about giving her a camel-toe too.”
    http://www.citypaper.com/comics/printready.asp?id=5172

    And right you were, Funny Paper! (The Funny Paper, the pre-Josh Curmudgeons at Baltimore’s City Paper, maintained for years that Greg Evans was getting paid to fantasize about screwing innocent high school girls all day, and Luann was his fantasy ideal along those lines).

    “But my real reason for writing this whole post?
    The camel toe. Specifically, why is an adult man, who writes a comic strip about teenage girls, paying such close detail to a teenage girl’s crotch that he includes the camel toe in his illustration?”
    http://www.brendancalling.com/category/uncategorized/

  170. Craig Shergold
    October 6th, 2006 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    160: Brilliant! I read the book as a kid, and spent my childhood helping my father build a concrete house. It has six sides. That is only the start of its craziness.

  171. Von Zeppelin
    October 6th, 2006 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    TDIET for 10/6: Too bad those infomercials only exist on Planet Scaduto. I could really use an Erlenmeyer flask topped by a small snorkel, or a combination blowtorch and hand-cranked coffee grinder.

  172. Screamin' Norwegian
    October 6th, 2006 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry I’ve been busy at work and not able to keep up with all you curmudgeons, so I don’t know how many times it has been brought up that Toby keeps changing her slacks from the matching purple to the white ones. My thought is that she’s been making wardrobe changes more often than we’ve seen, including during the ambush of Aldo, and Aldo saw her thong one time too many. That’s what really set him off running to his friend Jimmy.

  173. Frank Drackman
    October 6th, 2006 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    I sent an idea for a FC strip to Jeffy a few yrs back..it involved Billy making a rude remark at Grandpas funeral.

  174. Noumenon
    October 6th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Lambnesiac — you didn’t tell him you saw the comic here, did you? I’m afraid being snarked at might break his poor old heart.

    (I would never, ever read my own reviews if I wanted to have the guts to continue any creative enterprise.)

  175. Noumenon
    October 6th, 2006 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    (Oh, but thanks for posting your approach, and the way you talked to him is exactly the kind of feedback I would want him to be getting — in person. Curmudgeonliness is what I want to see myself.

  176. Phil the Wonder Pig
    October 6th, 2006 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    ““Sunday, Greg Evans opens with a title panel showing his heroine in workout clothes, with her gym shorts lovingly rendered to show her ass-crack. Completely gratuitous. Observe. By the last panel, you can see him thinking about giving her a camel-toe too.””

    I’m reminded of a recent Sunday Luann that consisted entirely of Luann dancing around in a veeerry skimpy leotard. If Luann would just post that strip on her MySpace page, she’ll get a lot of new “friends” very quickly.

  177. rich
    October 6th, 2006 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    155, Brendan: I love it! Nice melding of the two classic “Oh yeahs” of our contemporary culture — Al Scaduto and Kool-Aid Man!

  178. Richard Onley
    October 6th, 2006 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    ” ‘ “Sunday, Greg Evans opens with a title panel showing his heroine in workout clothes, with her gym shorts lovingly rendered to show her ass-crack. Completely gratuitous. Observe. By the last panel, you can see him thinking about giving her a camel-toe too.” ‘

    “I’m reminded of a recent Sunday Luann that consisted entirely of Luann dancing around in a veeerry skimpy leotard. If Luann would just post that strip on her MySpace page, she’ll get a lot of new ‘friends’ very quickly.

    I’m reminded of Dr. Fredric Wertham, whose 1950s screed Seduction of the Innocent posited that juvenile delinquency had one and only one cause: comic books. Raising homosexuality as a main bugaboo (which it was in the 1950s, and you kind of just to have been there to realize just how much so), he said (I realize this may run on, but I think it’s important, to make the point and for maximum hilarity . . .) of one famous comics duo:

    “only someone ignorant of the fundamentals of psychiatry and psychopathology of sex can fail to realize the subtle atmosphere of homoeroticism which pervades the adventures of the mature ‘Batman’ and his younger friend ‘Robin.’ [Sometimes Batman] ends up in bed injured and young Robin is shown sitting next to him. At home they lead an idyllic life. They are Bruce Wayne and ‘Dick’ Grayson. Bruce Wayne is described as a ‘socialite,’ and the official relationship is that Dick is Bruce’s ward. They live in sumptuous quarters, with beautiful flowers in large vases, and have a butler, Alfred. Batman is sometimes shown in his dressing gown. As they sit by the fire the young boy sometimes worries about his partner: ‘Something’s wrong with Bruce. He hasn’t been himself these last few days.’ It is like a wish dream of two homosexuals living together.”

    But perhaps the cheapest comment in a whole book full of them was:

    “Robin is a handsome ephebic boy, usually shown in his uniform with bare legs. He is buoyant with energy and devoted to nothing on earth or in interplanetary space as much as to Bruce Wayne. He often stands with his legs spread, the genital region discreetly evident”

    “Discreetly evident”? It’s impossible to render the human form without including those parts of the body that, according to some, God had the bad taste to include in His creation . . .

  179. Jeanne
    October 6th, 2006 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I know it wasn’t posted in this particular thread, but I wanted to congratulate whoever it was that predicted Shannon the wonder retard would be the one to help April accept Gwamp’s stroke. Great call on that one.

  180. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 6th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    #152 (Summerhouse) Look at the anxiety on her face – “I’m handstandin’ here, boss! Don’t kill me!” God! I hope she eats them both.

    At least Elrod didn’t have Molly turning tricks for half a week before Hoyt “got it”. Still, I feel dirty having witnessed that. The kind of dirt that doesn’t wash off. Kinda like finding your mom in a Girls Gone Wild episode.

  181. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 6th, 2006 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Um, in previous post, please delete “mom” and insert “sister”.

    Carry on…

  182. The Prince of Darkness
    October 6th, 2006 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Regular lurker, first time poster. Just wanted y’all to know I have Bruce Tinsley’s soul in a tiny green bottle, and he’s not getting it back. Stay cool!

  183. skulking on the outskirts
    October 7th, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    #182, Prince of Darkness: Cool. Jam it up Hitler’s ass. No, better yet, Dubya’s!

  184. Ashie
    October 7th, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    183 replies and no one else has pointed out that the “M” on his shirt in Shoe isn’t the correct one for the University of Michigan? It looks like Minnesota.

    I have to defend the Wolverines’ honor!

  185. Pete
    November 10th, 2006 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Built a boat out of bricks once. Sailed by Terracottaman. Lasted 3 hours and then started to seep. 2 tons, displaced 3. Roofing iron for sails. It’s on geocities.com/brickboat2002.

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