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Archie, 1/13/26

Against all odds, the fact that I’ve been doing this blog for more than 20 years doesn’t usually make me feel old, mostly because I’m still substantially younger than most newspaper comics creators and readers, but occasionally I do catch a glimpse of the way my years have been piling up. For instance, these Archie strips are repeats from the early to mid ’00s, around the time I started commenting on them, and back then, teens (Archie’s ostensible target audience) would’ve read this and said, “Ha ha! The idiots who make this strip only have the vaguest idea what an iPod is and have no idea what it looks like!” before popping in their white earbuds and jamming out to Lindsay Lohan’s Speak, which they had pirated via LimeWire. Whereas today’s teens would read this rerun in the newspaper (an unlikely scenario, I admit, but stay with me here) and say “Wow, is that what iPods looked like, back when they were popular, several years before we were born? With curly wires and one (?) grey earphone and everything?”

Luann, 1/13/26

What’s worse than Brad and Toni having sex in their car in an empty amusement park parking lot late at night? Up until today you would’ve said “Nothing, obviously,” but now you know the answer actually is “Luann and Phil are desperate to have sex in their car in a nursing home parking lot in broad daylight except they’ve been foiled because it’s full of eager recyclers.”

B.C., 1/13/26

So do the deer … think the humans want to have sex with them? Is … is that the joke? Do the humans want to have sex with them? Is that the joke? Strong dislikes all around whatever the case.

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Dustin, 1/12/26

I don’t know that I’ve really commented on the “Dustin (the character)’s second-best friend is an eight-year-old child” aspect of Dustin (the comic strip), but it’s not one I particularly enjoy, mostly because the kid himself is not very interesting as a character. I guess he’s fine when he gives Dustin someone to riff off of, or as fine as any of the other Dustin nobodies, but he doesn’t merit his own individual strips where he’s the focus, and he definitely shouldn’t be doing “I hate Mondays” jokes. That is Garfield territory, Kid Whose Name I Don’t Know And Have Run Out Of Ways To Avoid Mentioning That Fact, and while Garfield’s legal team may be currently distracted, they’re not going to take this kind of thing lying down.

Gil Thorp, 1/12/26

Lest you think that Gil’s ex is motivated by anti-heterosexual sentiment, today’s strip reveals that Coach Gerards is also seething with rage over Gil’s happy relationship. This union is going to roil the Valley Conference into levels of feverish competition that haven’t been seen in decades, to the extent that I suspect that maybe Gil is doing it to boost the athletic department’s budget.

Wizard of Id, 1/12/26

With jokes like “the King has ADHD” and “hey, how about that emo music,” someone is clearly trying to drag the Wizard of Id kicking and screaming into, if not the present, then at least the ’00s. I’m not sure this is a particularly good idea, honestly, and I’d like to think that the setup line is just emerging anonymously from the left side of panel one because all the regular characters refused to deliver it.

Dennis the Menace, 1/12/26

Man, look at Margaret’s face! She does know it, she knows it’s an aspect of her personality that people find off-putting and that’s why she has a hard time making real friends, but she just can’t help it and it’s eating her up inside!

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Shoe, 1/11/26

Did, uh, did you know that “naked running” means running without music? I myself did not, and I can’t find much evidence that this is a phrase particularly widely known by others; it’s the name of a company that makes belts for running, and sometimes it’s used more broadly to mean running without any kind of gadgets. But a little poking around to research this turned up this post in a UK running group on Facebook, and, uh, do you think the syndicated newspaper comic strip Shoe stole a joke from a UK running group on Facebook? Who’s to say. We should mostly focus our energy on praying that the brain trust over there never gets wind of “rawdogging.”

Mary Worth, 1/11/26

God damn it, Sunny! Ian was so close to the sweet relief of death! So close! You’ve thwarted him once again!

Pluggers, 1/11/26

Look, man, people often yell at me for being a coastal elitist because I make fun of the pluggers in Pluggers, but today’s strip is about how pluggers would rather eat fast food than exercise and they won’t even get out of their car to do it, and I didn’t write this joke. A faithful reader of the strip did, and he sent it into the syndicate, and then they drew it and put it in the newspaper! I’m not the mean one here!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 1/11/26

Good lord, they murdered that turkey. He was so happy to survive the carnage but then they murdered him and ate him! With big stupid grins on their faces!