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Heathcliff, 2/1/26

Before the heavy crown of Heathcliff stewardship descended upon Peter Gallagher from his uncle, he contributed comics panels to Weird NJ magazine, which included a character named “The Jersey Tomato.” It’s difficult to find images of The Jersey Tomato online, but her whole deal appears to be that she’s a tomato who’s a sexy lady, or possibly a sexy lady whose head is a giant tomato. Anyway, since taking over Heathcliff, Gallagher has rewritten much of its DNA, and it’s impossible not to see a bit of the Jersey Tomato in this incredible new character, “The Hot Ham,” a ham who’s a hot, sexy lady, or possibly a hot, sexy lady who’s mostly a giant ham. I’m excited for this strip’s burgeoning audience of Zoomer fans to add “aromantic (except for hams)” to the long list of sexual-emotional orientations that I as a middle-aged person do not have to worry about.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/1/26

Oh, snap, it’s not Buck at all who’s picking up Rex from his surgery, it’s June’s crazy beloved Aunt (?) Tildy! A few years ago we were teased with a “Tildy is an old drunk” storyline that immediately turned out to be a “Tildy loves soda pop and takes ‘unplanned naps’” storyline, but let’s keep our hopes up that she has some kind of impairment that makes Rex’s drive home a truly terrifying one.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/1/26

Somewhat counterintuitively, this strip about caricatured hillbillies with occasional cameos from a big-city sharpie from the Woodrow Wilson administration was a pioneer in making jokes about cryptocurrency. So I’m excited for them to explore the crypto-adjacent world of prediction markets, where anyone can place prop bets on just about anything and insider trading is not just legal but encouraged because it makes their predictive powers more accurate (and enriches insiders in the process).

Crock, 2/1/26

I mean, obviously. What did he think the “car going in the tunnel” thing was about?

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Andy Capp, 1/31/26

I’ve been reading Andy Capp daily again for about a year now, and on the one hand that isn’t very long, given that the strip has run since 1957, but on the other hand it probably puts me in the top 0.1% of Andy Capp Lore Knowers worldwide. Like, I’ve more or less figured out that Andy doesn’t like it when Guitar Bob offers up his musical stylings at the pub, which is crucial knowledge for understanding the “joke” here (such as it is). But imagine if you, like the vast majority of the human race, did not know that, and you stumbled upon this strip. “Hmm, the pub’s landlord is informing one of his patrons that there’s been a change in the entertainment bill tonight. The regular doesn’t react at all. This must be one of those Ken Loach slice-of-life social realism things I’ve heard about.”

Gil Thorp, 1/31/26

Hey, remember when Fox Used Auto did a promotion where if Goshen beat Milford, they’d offer 50% off all cars, apparently indefinitely, and then Goshen beat Milford? Really tells you a lot about how much markup car dealers make given that they’re still in business, huh?

Judge Parker, 1/31/26

“Like, maybe he came back but he grew a beard so you didn’t recognize him, and he’s still sad about it!”

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You want this week’s top comment? Well HERE YA GO:

“I was going to make a comment about Gearhead Gertie’s inconsistent leg length across different strips, but in researching this I discovered that if you type ‘gearhead’ into Google, ‘Gertie’ is not even one of the recommended next words in the list, and the realization of this comic’s apparent lack of relevance in the subculture which it desperately seeks to inhabit made it all feel so pointless. I don’t want to kick Gertie while she’s down. She’s doing enough of that on her own with those weird legs.” –Tristan Olson

And the very funny runners up? BE MY GUEST:

“The audacity of the dog’s transgression literally punctured reality and re-animated the rotted flesh, now sentient and upright, staring in horror of Grimm’s sins.” –ctnyc

“I’m gonna start addressing all my notes to ”Phantoms yet to be,’ maybe it’ll inspire someone.” –Plant Growth, on BlueSky

“No, the regular hospital is fine. Daddy’s not on duty.” –Hibbleton

“It’s good that June is a trained medical professional, because if my young son were throwing up a weird colored liquid after being left in the supervision of my twelve-year-old daughter with a TBI, I’d assume he had gotten into the cleaning supplies.” –matt w

“It takes a lot to break Hi’s habitual look of ‘dull surprise.’ But when a light snowfall comes and obscures his most hated archenemy, The Ground, Hi is overwhelmed with warm fuzzies.” –Guts Dozier

“If this strip runs through all its characters, main and ancillary, replacing one another in a giant chain until we get back to Sarah babysitting and June sitting at the eye surgery center going ‘WTF?’ I will forgive a lot. Oh, and Johnny dies of appendicitis, that’s a must-have.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Why is Lois looking so horrified at this light snowfall? Has she, like Dick Tracy’s drunks, just spotted a corpse on the lawn? Is it Thirsty, frozen to death after a drink too many? It’s Thirsty, right?” –Schroduck

“‘Go on’ says Toby, while she anxiously awaits the words ‘I think it’s time we went our separate ways.’” –TK

“Now I’m picturing a series of ‘This Is Fine’ memes with Ian calmly sitting as guano levels rise and more and more parrots crowd the room.” –CanuckDownSouth

“Blondie instinctively covering her butt as the full weight of Dithers’ abuse comes to the surface. She’s either viscerally reacting to Dag’s poor treatment, or feeling a flush as she wonders if he’ll show her just exactly how Dithers inspired him.” –Grendel25

“Sydney Sweeney, eh? Dagwood certainly does enjoy huge breasts have a ‘type.’” –Ukulele Ike

“No, the ‘dining’ bit makes sense; Blondie is reading the latest issue of Food Addict Enabler Magazine.” –Horace Broon

“This relatively Meddling Mary-free arc has me thinking that if she gets turfed out of her own strip, Barney Google-style, in favor of the cross-cultural parrot couple, I for one wouldn’t mind over-much.” –Charterstone: Dune

“If there were intelligent mice in scarves building art in my yard, instead of complaining I’d be seeking fame and fortune and turning science on its head. But then, I’m not a crotchety old man who failed to exploit my intelligent cat for vast riches over the years.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘You underestimate me, but my time is coming!’ is actually covered on Day 1 of Supervillain School. Nice to see Cosmo is branching out and exploring interests. Sadly, he’s super lame, so he’ll be easily dealt with by the lamest heroes. God, the X-Men will probably send DAZZLER.” –A Grave Mind

“Judge Parker: Where ‘I can’t listen anymore, I’m going to cover my ears’ meets ‘tell me more.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

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