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Beetle Bailey, 5/8/26

I honestly am not sure if the joke here is simply “Lt. Fuzz is humiliated because Gen. Halftrack takes an enlisted soldier’s advice instead of his” (I assume she’s enlisted because she wears the same uniform as Beetle — I’m not sure how that relates to actual U.S. Army uniforms but I’m confident Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC isn’t either) or if there’s another possibility lurking, which is that the General is being agreeable with this soldier because she’s a pretty lady. That’s in character, but it requires us to interpret some ambiguous visual cues — are Halftrack’s eyes particularly bugged out in panel one or am I imagining it? is “blonde” a guaranteed marker of attractiveness in the Baileyverse? — and, maybe it’s mean to say this, but I personally think that it would all be easier to parse if the art in this strip were, you know, good.

Crankshaft, 5/8/26

Ed Crankshaft is old, and someday soon he’s gonna die, and maybe that’ll start with him just being overcome with all-pervasive tiredness as his body shuts down. Now, that’s not happening today, I’m pretty sure, but I am heartened to think that he’ll definitely be making some incomprehensible wordplay while it happens.

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Gil Thorp, 5/7/26

See that girl in the second panel, sort of squinting at Gil and Coach Gerads in the middle distance? That’s me, trying to parse the order of their conversation. “I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.” “It’s invite-only, coach.” “I know, I said, I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.” “And I said, it’s invite-only, coach.” They could go on like this forever. Anyway, I thought I’d give you a glimpse of Coach Gerads’s dumb outfit, if that’s the sort of thing that amuses you (I admit it does me).

Mary Worth, 5/7/26

Oh my god Tommy isn’t spiraling into crisis because Brandy dumped him, he’s in crisis because she went on a trip without him! He meant “left” literally, in the sense of physically moving out of his immediate vicinity! This is simultaneously one of the funniest and saddest things Mary Worth has ever done, which is an impressive achievement in a srtip that stars Wilbur Weston.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/7/26

Hagar has killed so many people, you guys. So many! Almost none of them deserved it! They were just trying to defend themselves when he was robbing them!

Pluggers, 5/7/26

Hey, now, pluggers aren’t “smart”! You almost had me there for a minute. They aren’t “devices,” either, as most devices are engineered at least passably well.

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Alice, 5/6/26

Remember how at one point Alice thought that new cars were too expensive because of all the crazy new features they had, but then just a few weeks later decided that she could get spoiled by all those new features? Well, good news: she’s still holding the line. Her old car is perfect! No technology!! And it gets her where she wants to go.

Dick Tracy, 5/6/26

“It’s because he’s a notorious criminal who someone recently broke out of prison for no doubt nefarious purposes! We’re all cops and he’s been one of our nemeses for years, so I’m not sure why I have to say that out loud, honestly. Are we on a Netflix show now, where studio execs have mandated that we need to keep repeating key plot points back and forth to one another because everyone’s on their phones and only half paying attention?”

Gil Thorp, 5/6/26

Hey, kids, do you think golf is a game that old people play and other old people watch on television? Well, Gil Thorp, the comic strip about and for (?) teens, is here to prove that wrong! It’s a sport that young people play and other young people stream on the YouTube app on their phones! Probably! Would a comic strip lie to me?

Mary Worth, 5/6/26

“It’s your mom! Which means our relationship is an abomination and I’m leaving you. Smell ya later!”