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The Phantom, 3/4/06

Here’s what you learned, kids: the Phantom is an evil bastard who will mess with your minds. It’ll take about five minutes to have that discussion; the rest of the hike will pass in awkward, resentful silence.

And what else have we learned?

Apartment 3-G, 3/4/06

We learned that MARGO MAGEE IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE HUMAN TIME BOMB OF EVIL! SHE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS! DON’T TAKE HER ANYWHERE! DON’T LET HER LEAVE THE HOUSE! SHE LEAVES ONLY SHATTERED LIVES IN HER WAKE!

And one more thing we learned:

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/06

We learned that felt good! But we think you already knew that, Rex.

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Blondie, 3/3/06

I think we should take a break from the rampant gay sex innuendo in Rex Morgan, M.D., and take a look at the rampant drug lingo in Blondie. I was in a bowling league for the better part of a decade and never, ever heard of anyone bowling a couple of “lines.” I think we all know what Herb and Dagwood were doing with some “lines” without their wives before the censors got their hands on this strip. Soon the comics will no doubt be rife with drug innuendo:

• Sally Forth to Ted Forth: “Say, Hillary’s at her friend’s; do you want to go out back and ‘pull’ some ‘weeds’?”
• Leroy Lockhorn to nameless acquaintance: “Loretta used to really get to me, but now I make sure to ‘ride’ the ‘horse’ before I get home, and I’m too blissed out to worry about anything.”
• Dot Flagston to Ditto Flagston: “Let’s get f’ed up on PCP and try to ram mom’s station wagon into a cop car.”

Tsk.

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Now and again, some of my readers have suggested that I spend some energy critiquing politically themed comics, either those on the funny pages like Mallard Fillmore or the Boondocks, or the actual political cartoons on the editorial pages. While my personal politics are not a secret (I called for a Red State-Blue State divorce after the 2004 election, and once implied that Dick Cheney likes to eat puppies), you’ll notice that I haven’t done commentary on Doonesbury and its ilk in quite a while. Generally speaking I see this blog as one where all of us, no matter what our political persuasions, can cruelly mock Herb and Jamaal.

But if you really want to see me get political, now you can, albeit not on this site. I’ve been recruited as guest-blogger by Wonkette, which, for those of you unfamiliar with it, essentially does to American government and politics what I do to Rex Morgan, M.D., (i.e., mock it and imply that it’s gay). I’ll be doing weekly installments of a feature called “Cartoon Violence.” This week I assess the good, the bad, and the ugly of cartoons from the editorial pages, but I’ve got some semi-coherent ideas for the future that may involve comics pages strips as well, assuming I’m not cancelled over there.

And for those of you who just wandered over here for the first time from Wonkette, I urge you to stick around for a while. Check out the archives, where can see all my entries on the comic of your choice.

Speaking of politics and this blog, this is as good a time as any to give a shout out to the libertarian types over at Reason magazine’s Hit and Run blog, who managed to find something like three different thin excuses to link to me last week, the best of which was an illumination of the issues surrounding eminent domain law using the current Mark Trail storyline as a jumping-off point.

And, apropos of nothing except that I think it needs to be brought to the attention of those who don’t read the comments on this site: you must, must, must check out The Outbursts of Everett True. This turn-of-the-(last)-century gem is something like They’ll Do It Every Time, in that it chronicles life’s petty ironies; but instead of whining about said ironies, the title character hands out savage beatings. For instance, have you ever tried to get a prescription filled, only to be given a generic drug instead of the one the doctor ordered? Why not assault the pharmacist with an umbrella? Everett also takes on cops, organized religion, perverts, cruelty to animals, and President Roosevelt’s spelling reform. A must read! Thanks to King Dogmeat and James Schend for the head’s up.