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Family Circus, 2/25/11

The Family Circus is such a target for snarky Internet contempt that picking on it is a cliché at this point, but I really don’t understand how things like this get cut out and hung on people’s refrigerators, unless your refrigerator is where you keep your birth control and you need a reminder of why it’s very important that you use it. “Mommy, guess how much children you have! Also, guess why ‘children’ is now a mass noun instead of a count noun! It’s because we’re one monstrous organism that slithered out of your womb in four separate parts, but now we’re going to merge together to fulfill the tasks our demon creator has set for us!”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/25/11

I know, I’m pretty much programmed to find this funny, but I found it funny. The best part for me is the two characters’ facial expressions — Mary looks alarmed and a little shell-shocked at being discovered, while Rex looks grimly determined. Both are extremely appropriate.

Mark Trail, 2/25/11

“There’s a man inside and he looks … oh my! So handsome, so sexy! I may not be able to resist him! Also, I think he might be dead? But that’s not important right now. Come here honey, help me drag him out of the boat.”

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Mark Trail, 2/24/11

Wow, this is actually a kind of surprising development in Mark Trail! Rather than Mark just punching out the villain and returning home to Lost Forest, he instead got shot and is washing up on on some distant shore at the bottom of that EMPTY boat. Cast your mind back to your classical education: you’ll recall that the Odyssey begins with Odysseus being held captive by the nymph Calypso, who wants the Greek hero as her husband, on her island. Likewise, Mark will soon be in the thrall of this lady, who’s wearing a revealing shirt and freakishly high-waisted jeans, which are the Mark Trail signifiers for “sex goddess.” Will Cherry remain faithful for the 10 years it will take for Mark to return to her and reclaim his kingdom, with Rusty’s help?

Spider-Man, 2/24/11

“Hmm, so you used to be a vampire … and you’re doing the same vampire bat experiments that resulted in your vampirism before … and there’s a vampire loose in the city … and you have visible fangs and strange claw-like fingernails … but you say you’re not a vampire? Sure, whatever, I’ll buy it. So, you got a TV around here?”

Marmaduke, 2/24/11

Of all of Marmaduke’s demonic powers, some find his ability to control human minds to be the most terrifying. But when you think about the awful fate that awaits this child, isn’t it a blessing that he’s living out his last moments in a sort of zombified ecstasy, rather than abject terror?

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Barney Google, 2/23/11

Longtime readers know that I’m fascinated by Parson Tuttle, Hootin’ Holler’s sole clergyman and a notorious mooch and fraud. Though we met his wife before when we went shoppin’ wif her, it never occurred to me to wonder why she didn’t accompany him on his foraging expeditions among his flock; I guess I assumed that this was not one of the things that parson’s wives do. Does she sit at home alone, waiting for whatever secondhand scraps the parson brings back from his surly parishioners? Anyway, today Loweezy has decided to use her backwards community’s iron-clad gender roles to shame Tuttle into eating at home. Unfortunately for her, as the parson’s insouciant grin in panel three demonstrates, he has no shame.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/23/11

“Ha ha, just kidding! There’s nothing I like better than smugly unleashing the little jokes I think up on hapless service personnel. But seriously, can I take out a life insurance policy on my best friend and business partner, whom I’m totally 100 percent not planning to kill?”