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Gil Thorp, 12/12/11

Oh, man, is this winter’s Gil Thorp plot really going to be about vaguely shady tattoo artists who give tattoos to minors, which may or may not be illegal, depending on what state Milford is supposed to be in? Actually, more than the applicable laws and tattoo parlor licensure guidelines, I’m more concerned about our tattooists’ terribly ill-conceived marketing strategy. In my experience, the last people who want to emulate teen fashion are twentysomethings, since they were teenagers themselves relatively recently and are quite busy fashioning themselves as cool adults and have zero interest in being mistaken for some dumb kid in high school. No, you really have to be well into your forties before it seems like a good idea to recapture your youth by getting a tattoo at a place recommended by your 16-year-old nephew.

On the bright side, when Soul Patch and Facial Tattoo are engaging in evil plotting, they’re taking panel time away from Gil and Kaz blathering on about how they need more depth at guard or whatever.

Spider-Man, 12/12/11

I’ve always assumed the one of the main purposes of the newspaper Spider-Man comic strip is to remind newspaper readers that Spider-Man and other Marvel properties exist, and have adventures in various media formats, and that you can enjoy those adventures if you pay Marvel and its distribution partners money. But, considering the Thor movie came out in May and the DVD came out in September and we’re just now getting a Thor plot, it appears that the newspaper Spider-Man strip is just as incompetent at its job as its hero as it his.

Dick Tracy, 12/12/11

Flattop (or Putty Puss made up as Flattop, or whatever the hell is going on here) has moved from new wave ’80s hits back to the ’70s, as he now sings “Disco Inferno” while attempting to fill our hero with hot lead. I’m reassured that Dick is completely unfamiliar with the lyrics to these extremely popular song; it’s a well known fact that the music industry is dominated by communists and degenerates, and it’s best to avoid the radio altogether as a result.

Six Chix, 12/12/11

I’m all in favor of composting and everything, but I do think this strip has hilariously captured the facial expression and body posture you’d expect from someone who just accidentally stuck her hand into a jar full of rotting garbage.

Slylock Fox, 12/12/11

Not gonna lie to you: My first guess was that the this mystery would hinge on some obscure fact about the urinary habits of alligators, and I was pretty disappointed when it didn’t.