Dick Tracy, 2/15/16
Oh hey Dick Tracy is celebrating the U.S. re-establishing diplomatic relations with Cuba by having Dick travel to Cuba, to fight crime, with a Cuban detective and also a Russian! Anyway, today they’re all suddenly talking to Enormous Cuban Wolverine-Esque guy with little explanation, who has “Dirty Action Terminate Land For” written on his chest, which is definitely a thing that makes sense. Jokes on you, “DJ,” the U.S. has extradition treaties with both Panama and Bermuda.
Slylock Fox, 2/15/16
The animals may think they’re building a new, better world without us, but they’re fooling themselves. They’re pale shadows of us. Why else do they wear our clothes, live in our cities, mimic our forms of justice? The real losers (other than the billions of human beings who were mauled to death in the opening hours of the animapocalypse) were the ones living out in the wilderness. The foxes, the mice, the cats and dogs — they had spent time living in the cities, and when they Awoke, they were on familiar ground. They probably started driving the first day. But the giraffes and the other animals out away from humanity — they could talk now, and form abstract thoughts, but that doesn’t mean they understood the new world they were expected to participate in. Look at poor Jerry. He’s not even wearing clothes. They’ve just thrown a sheet over him. He doesn’t know he’s supposed to be ashamed.
Mark Trail, 2/15/16
Mark, you’ve been trapped in this cave for maybe 30 seconds and it’s way too soon to start touting the merits of “land shrimp.” You are far too eager about all this. “Hey guys, do you know that bat guano is nature’s chocolate? And let me tell you about ‘long pig!'”
Six Chix, 2/15/16
OH GOD THEY’RE MELTING THEMSELVES
THEIR LOWER JAWS ARE MELTING RIGHT AWAY AS THEY SCREAM ENDLESSLY
WHY DO THEY KEEP DRINKING
CAN’T THEY SEE THE MUTILATED CORPSES