Mary Worth, 10/2/17
Hey, everybody! Remember when Wilbur left town for a year to go ask intrusive questions to disaster victims, for money, and Iris took it badly and told him they should “consider [them]selves single” while he was away and then she decided to “try new things” with a guy her son’s age, all the while loudly proclaiming to everyone within earshot that she and Wilbur were “on a break,” and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about Wilbur so she dumped Zak and they had a tearful goodbye and then like five minutes later she spotted Zak with some new age-appropriate woman so she sent Wilbur a large-font “u up?” email? Welllp, looks like Wilbur took her claims that they were on a break to heart and has a hot Colombian lover, possibly someone whose mountainside home was destroyed in a mudslide or something, leaving her financially and emotionally bereft and receptive to his doughy charms! Words cannot describe how much I’m looking forward to the next several weeks of total emotional chaos, which I certainly hope involve Iris and a similarly devastated Dawn consoling each other by going down to the Santa Royale boardwalk and getting increasingly drunk and sexually belligerent.
If you need any more proof about the strangeness of comic-strip timescales, imagine if you were a parent of a baby in a universe where the main joke for literally 35 years was about how much he likes to aggressively shit himself, and then you abruptly decide “Yeah, I can teach him to poop in a toilet in, what, a day? How hard can it be?” Anyway, remember how I said that words cannot describe how much I’m looking forward to this week’s Mary Worth,? Well, with Marvin it’s, like, the opposite of that.