God, I hope it’s TJ from Luann
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Mary Worth, 6/24/22
Wow. Wow. You’re telling me that Jared has a friend? A non-Dawn friend named TJ? And TJ also likes to party down at “ROCK IT,” Santa Royale’s hottest club? I feel like Mary Worth is just teasing us here with all the narrative beats that we’ve been denied: Jared and his friend TJ hanging out and being almost certainly very annoying; the big reveal of what one of Jared’s friends would wear to the club; TJ spotting Dawn from across the crowded dance floor and recognition flashing in his eyes; and TJ telling Jared what he saw and Jared suddenly realizing that he could retrofit this into motivation for what he already wanted to do so he can keep his “nice guy” self-image intact. I can’t believe I’m begging for more details of a Jared storyline, but I need more details from this Jared storyline!
Funky Winkerbean, 6/24/22
What’s weirder here: That Funky Winkerbean will freely say “Amazon” in a strip but thinks that “Target” is as forbidden as “McDonald’s”? Or that Funky Winkerbean thinks that Target and Amazon are maybe the same thing?
Shoe, 6/24/22
The fact that the owner of Treetops’ only casual dining establishment feels comfortable admitting rampant health code violations to a reporter at Treetops’ only newspaper tells you everything you need to know about journalism in this town. (The fact that Treetops’ only casual dining establishment openly sells egg-based foods to its bird customers is another grim matter entirely.)
187 replies to “God, I hope it’s TJ from Luann”
A few Weekend Eve mashups. Click if you like Mary Worth, Mark Trail, Sally Forth, and/or Dustin.
FW: Okay, Batty, you get partial credit because I gave Harry’s joke a very dry chuckle (though that might be because of a dry throat). But let it be learned that when weddings are in the picture, do not invited your parents’ “friends” who proceed to make things worse.
MW: After a long absence, the rumors of Dawn Weston’s well used corpse being buried in a shallow grave have proven to be exaggerated. Looks like she had a good night’s sleep after a long night of dancing and had a nourishing breakfast of Carnation Instant Bitch before going off to meet with her boyfriend. Now let’s watch the narrative try to spin her as the sympathetic party as she immediately starts by denying any responsibility for her actions.
RMMD: Looks like Dolemite got that promotion like I thought and it seems Dragnet’s going to be subject to the hell of Rex Morgan’s medical care, “lovingly” laced with passive aggressive murmurings and driving the end situation to a murder-suicide.
MW: “Me? You’re not enough for Loretta Lockhorn!”
Wait. Wait.
“I lied to you because I didn’t want you to be jealous.”
I’m sorry what? Do you not see how messed up that is, Dawn? Jesus… she’s like the younger female version of her dad.
Shoe-MY GOD! This would be like us eating aborted babies.
MW-“I like dancing as much as Father likes karaoke.”
JP-NORM! Wait. Wrong person.
FC-“Should I tell Mr. Ferrell that Mrs. Ferrell wore you out?”
Mary Worth Any hack could have included a strip where TJ and Dawn actually run into each other at the club. It takes an artist to totally leave that out in favour of days of Jared talking to his cat.
MW: Jared is like the dollar store discount version of Owen Wilson – is he supposed to have that resemblance?
GT: “Hell, coach, I’ll be surprised if anyone *inside* Milford notices.”
JP: Yikes, Neddy has morphed into a 12-year-old right before our eyes. Except for . . . you know.”
MW: Cut bait already, Jared! Sheesh, how much ruder does she have to be to you before you get the message! Believe me, you don’t want to wait around for the Full Weston.
MW: Dawn’s right eye is almost certainly focused squarely on Jared’s face, just so he can more readily believe what she’s saying. Meanwhile, Marty Feldman-like, it’s her left LYING EYE that betrays her guilt.
@Government Cheese:
MW: Jared is like the dollar store discount version of Owen Wilson – is he supposed to have that resemblance?
Owen Wilson is already a poor man’s Luke Wilson, so I’m not sure how much more downgrading Jared can take.
Also, does a grownass man really say “fib”?
Shoe – The ingredients might not be expired, but someone went dumpster diving behind Lou’s diner in Blondie for that joke!
Technically Dawn did stay in, just not in her apartment. Was this TJ person the club stud Dawn was dancing The Lindy Hop with?
MW – You know Jared – same thing with the way you eschew rug munching….
FW – Why not a convenience store pine tree car air freshener….
Shoe – What’s so special about it – with this supreme court….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: ” If by ‘enough’ you mean enough control freak, enough whining and enough hangdog weenie-ness, then hell, yes.”
SF: Unbearable bosses, unbearable employees when SHE’S the boss, ridiculous family. If the aim here is to make me feel sympathetic camaraderie for Sally, fail. It just makes me feel like she’s the problem.
Shoe: If you want to watch me lay them, come into the back room, but it’ll cost you extra.
Amazon probably paid tens of dollars for that product placement.
MW: I enjoy the way Dawn gives us the side eye in the first panel, like she suspects this conversation is a prank we cooked up with Jared. (As if.)
Shoe: For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Baby was delicious.
FW: Even as stupid as Funky Winkerbean characters can be, they would have figured out they had no gift quickly if they traveled there together. So they must have traveled separately, which is what I would do if I were either of them.
@Old School Allie Cat: On “fib”: Seriously, yeah, does anyone over six say that, unless they are talking to a child? I don’t know whether this is meant to show that Jared is a man-child, or if it’s just some more of the strip’s characteristic awkward dialogue.
CS: I guess that’s supposed to be a play on “Game of Thrones.”
How badly does this suck? Let us count the ways.
1. It’s a notably lame pun, possibly Batty’s worst.
2. Batty should have known that GOT would be long gone by now.
3. Even if it was syllablically rhythmic and current, it makes no sense.
Congrats, Batty, you’ve won The Triple Crown — or maybe that should be “Three’s a Crown.” Get it? Ha ha!
MW: “Am I not enough for you?” Interesting phrasing, Jared. Almost like you’re going to suggest an open relationship, or maybe some kind of arrangement where Dawn gets to go out and dance with hot guys but you get to watch from a distance dressed up as Bobo Fett or something….
FW: Of course Amazon Inc doesn’t deliver to Westview (their drivers are already dangerously depressed) but there is a large woman who lives in a hut by the highway who will deliver whatever you need in exchange for animal hides or honey.
Shoe: I’d love a third panel of this strip showing a a family of seagulls leaving in a huff.
Hagar is BALD? This is bigger than Beetle’s perm, for sure.
MW: Dawn, do you really want to be in a relationship with a man so timid he uses the word “fib” instead of “lie”?
FW: Like Gasoline Alley, Funky Winkerbean has a lot of characters — way more than I can possibly keep track of. Today’s Funky, for instance, features good old … uh … Stinky McGee (?) and his … wife (????) Prunella (??????). Let’s go with that. Stinky and Prunella. Their schtick is that Stinky will come up with reasonable, workable solutions to their problems, but Prunella will still be mad at him.
Shoe: I’m glad she just said “omelet.” I first read it as “owlet.”
Crankshaft : “Eh, you win some, you lose some” is SOME attitude to have from losing huge sums of money investing into Crypto right before the crash, Ralph Meckler. Especially considering you’re at an age where living long enough to get your finances back to the level they were before is more uncertain than your “investments” ever going back up.
*******
Dick Tracy : How exactly does one “practice” riding a motorcycle mean for a 80-pound elementary schooler when you’re a 300-pound grown man?
*******
Funky Winkerbean : am I the only one confused by how fat Donna’s head is compared to the rest of her body? Was it initally supposed to be a different couple than Crazy Harry/Donna doing this bit, but the inker changed it to be them? Did the artist draw Donna’s body not as fat as she usually is because she’s in the “right” in this situation
(and drawing people as fat is the artist’s way to indicate they’re assholes, hence why Funky and Holly are monstrous blimps)?*******
Hagar the Horrible : is bald under his helmet? Since when!? I thought he had a muppet-like
(actually, more “Red Guy from Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared”-like)mop of red hair for a head!*******
Mary Worth : On the one hand, Jared finding out what Dawn was doing off-panel from a friend he’s never mentioned before we’ve never seen is a cheap, contrived way to get the character up-to-speed with what the readers know. On the other hand, it makes sense that any non-Dawn person who willingly hangs out with Jared should sound like a nonexistant total fiction created purely to justify why he knows certain things he shouldn’t be privy to.
@Baja Gaijin: Oooh, That clip of Walter is going to serve you well.
Mary Worth: Hoping that “TJ” is somehow an alias for Helen Moss.
Jared, you know that you could have said that Cathy told you and it would have been a lot more believable to the readers. Of course, it’s not like we’re going to believe anything brought to us by Karen Moy’s constant jumping around of timeframes and omitting relevant things in her effort to tell rather than show as lazily as possible. She did this last time with Charterstone Barbie and she’ll keep doing it until we go back to her mayonnaise guzzling pet.
FW – In for whatever havoc the Amazon drone wreaks with the wedding. I’m hoping for mayhem and injuries when it lands in the cake during the cutting ceremony.
Curtis: Hard to believe that Billingsey didn’t know that “choad” is already a word. Not a pretty one.
Or that he wouldn’t have checked first. Those newspapers are going to get some angry letters.
RMMD: “Well there is something you can do for me, Dr. Morgan. You’ll notice that I’m the only one here not wearing a mask. I think I caught covid.”
FW: So are we to believe that she never inquired about the gift until now? Did she think that Harry bought it, wrapped it, and attached a card to it without any input at all from her?
Jeez, Batty’s giving phoning-it-in a bad name.
MW: Remember when Dawn recently expressed dismay and outrage about Wilbur’s disgusting behavior after falling off the cruise ship, indicating that she believes it is completely unacceptable to be selfishly dishonest with people one cares about because of the anxiety and distrust it creates? Dawn doesn’t! So now Dawn lies to her boyfriend because it’s more fun and convenient for her, and she sees nothing wrong or “inconsiderate” with that. Character!
FW: I don’t know what’s sadder – this complete failure to create a coherent joke in service of an ad for Amazon Prime, or that Batiuk isn’t even getting paid for this catastrophe.
9CL: So “more than just aesthetically well-favored” is embarrassingly purple and worthy of derision, but phrases like “matchlessly beautiful” and “drop-dead ravishing comeliness” are creatively articulate and romantic? I don’t understand the rules of this game, Brooke.
Absolutely perfect art on Dawn in panel one. A look that answers his question with a “Yes, absolutely, why do you ask” but in a snide and resentful way that also says “I am genetically related to Wilbur, I know you forget that since the new artist made me cute.”
@25 richardf8: You got it! Today, Sally Forth, tomorrow, who knows?
Wow, props to the Mary Worth artist for working such abject hatred onto such a small portion of Dawn’s face. Slightly less (fewer?) props for Jared’s continued morphing into the world’s palest, blondest, drippiest Adam Driver.
@MKay:
Is the Alice who is Sally’s current boss the same character as the Alice who used to be her co-worker/secretary?
9CL – OMG! Juliette has been in some kind of horrible accident, likely involving a thresher or wood chipper, that has elongated her arms so that they hang down below her knees!! What are Eliot’s options here? He can’t play thrall to a damaged domme. He has to find another one STAT, before he starves to death or recovers too much of his self esteem!
I love the way that subtext, such as “The author just gets a thesaurus and runs his dialogue through it” or “Amos is such a pathetic, simpering tool that even Edda tires of his constant stream of overwrought praise” just seems to become text without the author even realizing what he has accomplished.
@jroggs: Don’t forget that Dawn also fully blamed Iris for her relationship with Wilbur not working out when the fault was on Wilbur for breaking up through an email. Of course she’s going to defend the person who lets her do anything she wants and funds her lifestyle of being a perpetual art student who doesn’t even get any sort of real job or bothers to finish college.
Someday Josh will go on vacation and I’ll feel obliged to recap the Phantom storyline for everybody. But maybe if I drink the lye now it won’t happen.
DtM: Go ahead. If you don’t smack him Alice, I will.
MW: Jared tries to pay attention to what Dawn is saying, but thoughts of Jess keep intruding. He stirs at the memory of their hospital-bed encounter, and his hand, resting on his thigh, suddenly detects a hardness. Jared shifts on the bench. Unobtrusively, so that Dawn won’t notice, Jared gently massages that hardness through the denim, lovingly exploring with his sensitive fingers the rigid contours that are deep within his pocket: the two action figures of Han Solo and Princess Leia.
@Baja Gaijin: My favorite is the last one.
I remember reading these at one in the morning and looking at Dawn’s surly face. My memories of That ’70s Show flooded in and I was like, “God, what did you have for breakfast this morning, Carnation Instant Bitch?” Of course CK wouldn’t let me use the proper term for a female dog…
Dennis – “Shut up and eat your Vegemite, kid.” Alice walks away whistling Men At Work’s “Down Under.”
It would be more dramatic and interesting if Jared became enraged at Dawn’s lie, beat the hell out of her, and put her in the hospital, where Jared then tenderly cared for her, sending Jess, who just stopped by to say hello, into a jealous rage and beating the hell out of Jared and putting him in the hospital, which is, like, where he already is.
I should write comics for a living.
@Merry Mirth: Unfortunately on the day that Mister Solo was set to be neutered, the form was filled out improperly and Jared was the one who lost the lightsaber instead.
FW – In real life, she would have checked before leaving the house that they had the wedding gift. In fact, if the gift was his responsibility, she would have checked earlier this week that he had it. But she’s just noticing now?
Crankshaft – Is the guy in the black shirt Cory Winkerbean’s real father?
Rex Morgan – Rex is brushing him off because that’s a work related injury and he doesn’t want to deal with the massive paperwork.
Vintage JP – A hole in the plaster in the hallway, so we’re definitely dealing with people who aren’t in the Parker family’s social class.
The guy must have been drunk when he bought that suit.
Rip Kirby – Who is the gunman at the skylight? Why hasn’t he made his move yet?
King of the Royal Mounted – King looks almost exactly like Superman. If he were wearing glasses we wouldn’t know who he was.
MW: Jared’s friend TJ partying it down at the Rock It night club? Nah. Jared’s friend = Valet parking attendant.
(Bah, Just got back from Urgent Care where I went after I woke up this morning with my hand and forearm swollen after being stung last night by one of the many venomous insects inhabiting good ol’ Fla. Doc would have made Rex proud; “If it gets any worse, go to the ER.”
Mary Worth: “Why would I feel like you weren’t enough for me, with your disturbing flesh-colored lips and obvious taupe wig? It’s not like I have a wild sea-foam green life to live or anything!”
@Uncle Lumpy: Yeah, she just looks a lot different. A good thing — the old Alice was last updated in 1982.
@Merry Mirth: No, you really shouldn’t.
FW: I must have been tired but when I first read the strip this morning I thought I said Rocky and Bullwinkle were registered with Bullsex, which would be a sex toy and lingerie store.
@Ukulele Ike:
Also her character used to be “brittle, insecure spinster” and now seems to be “generic annoying millennial.”
@41 I speak Jive: It works because it’s just so natural, so expected.
@54 Little Blue Bicycle: Thanks!
@Baja Gaijin: Those are great.
@Professor Well Actually:
Dawn Weston has been waiting in line since long before they open. She may have misread the sign.
Phantom: That was some kiss…
MW: This bench must not be near the community college or we’d be seeing the reflection of several pairs of professors’ binoculars.
”
JP: Neddy: “Did you already pass through the laundry room? Because…things have really…accumulated since you left.”
RMMD: I guess this counts as a favor from Rex: having someone go through normal channels to get seen by him -or at least go through the motions of setting an appointment, but never actually being seen by him.
It’s actually TJ Hooker, the bugged William Shatner action figure Jared put in Dawn’s purse to spy on her
@56 Kevin On Earth: on Mary Worth: Click the link in comment #1.
So let me get this straight: Dawn outright lies to Jared about going out but tries to justify it by saying that it’s his fault because he doesn’t like to dance and she does. There was no reason for Dawn to lie to him except to be a spiteful brat because if she was an adult, she would have just said that she was going to go out with Cathy while he was busy with work. It might have been convincing if Dawn wasn’t the one wearing the pants in this relationship who knows how to bully Jared and push his buttons to make him feel bad about his rightful insecurities.
God, Moy really is trying to make Dawn another version of her father.
MW: “Yes, TJ the DJ, you fibbing naughty girl*. [*”lying ho” in the Jareddian tongue].
@Needless_Exposition: In the Moy world, Dawn’ s behavior could be perfectly fine. This is the same writer who has Mary excusing Wilbur’s boorishness constantly, not to mention excusing both Dawn and Jared crossing ethical lines at school and work.
@Needless_Exposition:
I don’t like to dance. My beloved does. I don’t like clubs. My beloved does. If my beloved wanted to go out with a friend to a club I would be perfectly happy with letting her go alone. “Have fun, be safe, call me when you’re coming home!” is all I would say.
That’s cause I trust her, and we have a relationship built on trust and honesty and the realization we don’t have to be glued at the hip.
What I’m saying is Dawn and Jared have an unhealthy relationship and it’s best for them to break it off.
Shoe: Oh my God! The fundamentalists were right! Those liberal “Beltway Insiders” really DO eat babies!
@Little Blue Bicycle: It’s okay to be a terrible partner if you’re a Weston! It’s your “endearing quirk,” after all!
@GMBigKev: Hell, I’m surprised they even got together in the first place. Until Jared got his promotion to being a Physician’s Assistant (somehow getting a Masters offscreen in a rather short amount of time), Dawn didn’t even look at him twice because her gold digging nature doesn’t let her date below her own standard of “perpetual art student mooching off daddy.”
@Needless_Exposition: Of course, although he’s a Physician Assistant, his actual work seems more like “candystriper”.
I am loving Dawn’s expression in the first panel so much. I’m getting flashbacks of when I had teenagers at home. “God, why are you talking to me”
@Rube: Probably because instead of making him, say, a CNA (which would be pretty believable with the amount of schooling that takes), Moy decided to just jump him up several ranks so that he’s deemed “worthy” of Princess Dawn who dated doctors and was “just friends” with the popular art professor. Plus knowing Moy’s sexist nature, male nurses don’t exist even if female doctors do.
Luann: We already know that Bernice is kinky, but this takes the price. She is actually turned on by abstinence, to the extent that she serms to be getting an orgasm just from thinking about how chaste her relationship with Nil is. That woman needs help.
Mary Worth: Colt runs like stallion.
We will see Dawn do all the Wilbur things, except in younger, female form, and that will give her a pass, for a while, because society is inclined to see her as more innocent and Wilbur as more obviously gross, but both have strong narcisissim.
This strip could move in a great direction if it showed some of its “heroes” as heels or even human sometimes. I’m very excited here for some new fictional ground.
MW: “TJ” is obviously “The JarJar.”
Is it just me, or are the artists making strips’ uggos—who are traditionally uglied-up via semiotic markers such as freckles, prominent noses, and curly/tousled hair—more realistically repulsive? Today we’ve got Mary Worth’s Jared, who looks something like a cross between Jesse Eisenberg, Jack Klugman, and a catfish, while yesterday and today over in Judge Parker we have the triumphant(?) return of Marie, who looks she had her face flattened with a frying pan and then overinflated with a bicycle pump.
Funky Winkerbean – 15 years ago this strip would have been about a character running into Target to get a last minute gift after failing to get a gift at the department store at the mall (midscale JCPenny up to higher-end Macy’s). Now brick-and-mortar one shop convenience has become ubiquitous even Funky Winkerbean creators have forgotten the name of the once dominate discount chains. How long until Pluggers starts bemoaning the loss of Walmart and other superstores that once defined their declining towns?
MW: According to Stefon, the hottest club in Santa Royale is Splak! It’s got everything: Mary Worth, midget Mary Worth, and a special appearance by Dawn of the Dead.
FW: Ayers needs to lay off the absinthe and Lovecraft before drawing these characters.
FW: Tuesday, Harry had forgotten all about cell phones. Friday, it turns out he has one. I guess consistency is one of those terrible evils that bedevil lesser comic strips.
@Effluvius Erratus: In the case of Judge Parker, the strip has a fill-in artist due to Mike Manley’s illness, so the substitute apparently has a different version of Marie than the regular artist.
9CL: Thanks for the reminder that Amos had/has the hots for Edda’s mother, Brooke.
Luann: Luann, at least Bernice has the luxury of being voluntarily abstinent.
FW – Yes, for the love of God, use same-day delivery. Because no one ever sends a wedding gift after the wedding.
RMMD: I’d like Clayton to become a recurring character called The Clinic Sweeper but he won’t be back for a long time.
TJ is going to ask Dawn to marry him because… He went to Jared.
Perhaps the frequent consumption of eggs in the world of Shoe isn’t a dark result of the writer forgetting it’s a strip about birds, but is instead subtle world building telling us that after the bird-pocalypse eliminates humans, monotremes make a big comeback
@79 Tabby Lavalamp: GROAN!
// For you non-USians, Jared is a mall jewelry store chain that advertises heavily.
Shoe come on, she’s literally a chicken lady. The punchline there is “I laid it myself!” There is no other punchline there.
@kanomi: Believe me, there are commenters (particularly in CK) who say that Jared has it coming because of how he’s a fugly nerd and some even outright ignoring that Dawn’s been acting like a disrespectful boor since the very start. The double standard is quite strong here.
@Tabby Lavalamp: *golf clap*
@Uncle Lumpy:
Yes, and they were best buds.
Dustin: Oh god! Why is that guy drooling while he’s eating?!? That hamburger can’t be that good! I guess it’s a minor miracle he’s not spraying his food while he’s talking.
CS: To the first responders: “And that’s why we just let him choke to death on that piece of splak…”
FC: “HEY FUCKFACE! MY DAD’S TRYIN’ TO SLEEP OVER HERE! CUT THAT SHIT OUT OR YOU’LL BE EATIN’ THAT LAWN MOWER!”
Minutes later, an Amazon drone swoops in over the wedding and drops off a cargo of angry bees. “What have you done?” someone screams. “The registry said they wanted bees!” the man replies. “No,” the distraught and bestung bride cries, “I wanted some Plan B so I’d never bring a child into a Funky Winkerbean strip!” She falls, her face swelling. “I’m also deadly allergic to bees!” In the turmoil, someone drops a candle onto the comic books. Soon a merry fire is burning, illuminating the terrible scene of the ruined wedding and the dying bride. By the light of this bonfire of hopes and dreams, Les pulls out a notebook and begins his next book.
Shoe2 – Josh, asking questions like that is dangerous. We don’t want Shoe to turn into Kevin and Kell, now, do we?
Dennis the Menace-The sandwich was made with used KY jelly.
Shoe-Don’t ask what the lunch special is.
Funky Winkerbean: “Bullseye” is not a reference to Target, but to the local darts-themed bar and grill. Mrs. Crazy Harry wanted Harry to pick up a fifth of something nice to get the happy couple started on a life of shared alcoholism and eventual liver cancer. (In Westview, you can order the cancer directly from the Amazon supercenter.)
That tree is going to fall on Jared and Dawn in a Python-esque scene change
MW – “Fib?” Jared actually said “fib?” Is that the way these kids today speak, Karen?
Phantom: The Phantom doesn’t waste time getting Savarna pregnant. The line of Ghosts must be continued, even if it mesns bringing some coldblooded-killer genes into the mix, and even if it breaks the tradition of racial purity. The first Phantom of colour will mark the definite end of the post.colonial era.
Phantom: Where did that nightgown come from? It wasn’t there in yesterday’s strip. Of course the syndicate could never show full nudity, so she’d have to wear something, but then why not draw it earlier?
MW: Tension hung heavy in the air. The day was bright but Jared was draped in shadow, his face a blank mask of darkness.
“Don’t fib to me, Dawn,” he whispered. “Don’t fib.”
@Conynaut: “Here at Tyson’s platypus farms, we only select the freshest eggs from our herd of grass-fed free-range platypi. Our platypuses are gently slaughtered for prime cuts of organic platysteaks!”
MW: I miss the old Dawn. The new Dawn is defensive, manipulative, and all-around bratty, while the old Dawn was all of those things but with a bad dye job that somehow tied it all together.
@Effluvius Erratus: She used to look like a middle aged woman too…
@Baja Gaijin: They’re all fun, but my favorite is the owl attacking Sally Forth (and I don’t even read Sally Forth).
The Plugger needs drool to sell that one.
If you’re looking for Funky Winkerbean‘s missing Target, it’s over in Archie.
@pastordan: I appreciate the weird, binocular-bombing girl.
Looking at the Wheel of Platitudes, we can predict what the eventual advice Mary is going to give Dawn. Will it be…
“You may have lost two maternal figures but this dog has it so much worse than you do!”
“Get over your grief now, it’s been two weeks!”
“Your man should be solving your problems, not me.”
“Do you think you deserve better than this? No, you don’t.”
Oh, wait, this is a Weston seeking advice. We’re going to need to break out the gaslighting for this one…
Since eggs at the supermarket are unfertilized, Roz is offering the bird equivalent of a Bloody Mary made from menstrual blood. (Didn’t Theodore Sturgeon use that in a novel once?)
MW: Wait, what? Where’s Mr. Solo? His fan base is demanding another appearance! We barely even saw his face, for pete’s sake!
Of course Mr. Solo is leash-trained like Libby, so there’s no reason Jared couldn’t have brought him along for moral support and advice (meow mee) as he confronts Dawn. Do we know if Dawn and Mr. Solo have even met? That’s a great opportunity for conflict, where Mr. Solo can show his dramatic range! And possibly pee on the park bench! That wasn’t considered too graphic for Libby and Wilbur, so it’s fair game now!!
And how will Mr. Solo and Libby ever meet cute if he never gets out of that apartment? I think we need to have a conference with the scriptwriter and point out – again – what provides the numbers and profit here – and it’s for sure not the pathetic two-leggers!
@GMBigKev: You know those awful “Dads Against Daughters Dating” T-shirts that one sees at shops in beach towns? My joke is that my own kids formed “Daughters Against Dads Dancing.”
FW: “Their wedding registry was at BULLS-eye, not BIRDS-eye! All of their delicious fresh frozen vegetables you brought will be ruined in this heat! Think of the high quality nutritious dinners you wasted!”
MW: TJ’s plot points were never seen because he is a simmering rage-filled incel who spent most his time at Rock It not getting asked to dance and becoming increasingly enraged, and snitched on Dawn to red-pill Jared, who, let’s face it, doesn’t really need much of a push. There is no way Karen Moy was going to include Rock It without giving us a week’s worth of strips on that adventure, so I assume King Features had to rein her in before she brought this dark element to the strip.
Mary Worth: Well, I can answer at least one of the puzzles raised by this installment: “the big reveal of what one of Jared’s friends would wear to the club.” A Star Wars tee shirt, of course.
FW: This man gave you salad dressing for your anniversary, and you put him in charge of buying someone else’s wedding gift? Well, Donna, that’s kind of your fault.
Shoe: many bird species eat eggs. Almost all of them eat the eggs of other bird species, not their own (rather like we humans eat the flesh of other mammal species, but rarely eat the flesh of other humans). Not particularly weird at all… until we consider the matter of speciation within the “Shoe” universe. In nature, most birds don’t interact socially outside their own species (other species are seen as competition, food, or predators), but in the “Shoe” universe this does not seem to be the case. Roz and the Professor are obviously not of the same species, Shoe himself is yet a third (and apparently the only species that’s comfortable going around naked), and most of the supporting characters are also obviously not of the same species. In fact, now that I think about it (a mistake, I suspect) it may be that every single character in “Shoe” is of a different bird species. In which case, I’m not at all surprised they eat each others’ eggs. What surprises me is that they aren’t eating each other.
I also have no idea how they reproduce, since a primary definition of “different species” is “can’t produce fertile offspring,” but am pretty sure that’s something I don’t want to know.
Phantom: Man, the Phantom must be pissed at Mozz now for skipping over the good part.
Pluggers: The wig means that the artist doesn’t have to deal with the burning issue of whether this Plugger dog female actually has earlobes.
RMMD: He’s cranky and in pain so, for sure, there’s nothing he’d like better than to be treated by the doctor whose other patient is indirectly responsible for his condition. Of course, it’s possible Rex Morgan is the only MD in Glenwood, in which case the town is pretty much done for.
Beetle Bailey: Just like Roz is cooking up what comes out her rear, so is Cookie.
@Hannibal’s Lectern: I don’t read Shoe closely so I don’t know if there has been any instances of bird racism. Perhaps the restrooms at Roz’s reflect Jim, ahem, Crow with the good ones reserved for doves and the grimy ones for starlings.
@Tonio: I mean “there have been any instances.”
@Uncle Lumpy: Gotta say, six months after I started reading the comics again, The Phantom is still a complete mystery to me. I blame this on the fact that it has mostly been alternating weeks of silent action with weeks of silent flashbacks with weeks of Old Man Mozz (I think?) telling the Phantom that he is Doing It Wrong and going to cause the End of the Phantom (which may be comic hyperbole or foreshadowing the end of the strip?). Any details beyond that are going over my head. I need Lee Falk to come in with his Goth Leprechaun outfit to summarize the plot “for those who came in late!”
Vintage The Phantom is way easier to understand, as it has involved typical superhero stuff like murdering criminals and running a weight loss camp.
@pugfuggly: #21
“MW: “Am I not enough for you?” Interesting phrasing, Jared. Almost like you’re going to suggest an open relationship, or maybe some kind of arrangement where Dawn gets to go out and dance with hot guys but you get to watch from a distance dressed up as Bobo Fett or something….”
Not even Jabba the Hutt would be enough for Dawn…the girl is a maniac. “She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor and she’s dancing like she’s never danced before”
RMMD: So the police in that blighted town don’t even have a doctor on call? They have to rely on whatever kind of witch doctor who happens to have been marginally involved in a case? I do appreciate that the cop is obviously expecting that Rex will make time for his partner that day, and Rex tells him to call for an appointment. No special favors for nobody, flatfoot! And cash only!
@Oversized Garden Ornament: This confirms that Luann, not just the character but also the strip, is just one big plug for abstinence. Everything – from the title character’s frustrated love life, to Bernice’s weird kink and her long lost brother given up for adoption, to third wheel TJ and walking contraceptive Shannon keeping Brad and Toni from getting their freak on, to the on-campus fuck hut wackiness, to Gunther’s being forced to live with his high school tormentor turned stepbrother in a tool shed behind their parents’ house, to Gunther’s attention-seeking girlfriend’s forcing herself on Tiffany because she can’t shack with Gunther in the tool shed – it’s all a big PSA for not doing it.
One has to wonder how much of an impact the elder Evans giving up a child for adoption had on the younger Evans daughter who actually writes the strip. One also has to wonder whether this aspect of the strip is what brings all the incel trufans to the yard.
@Daisy: Fun fact about the song “Maniac” by Michael Sembello: it actually was inspired by the songwriter Dennis Matkosky watching a news report about a serial killer as well as the slasher film of the same name. When the director of Flashdance, Adrian Lyne, got attached to the demo of the song, the lyrics were changed to reflect more off of dancing rather than the serial killer vibe.
@Tonio:
Restrooms could be allocated according to pecking order!
MW: Jared has been spending all of his time at the hospital, so I assume TJ left a message with Mr Solo, who relayed it to Jared later.
@Baja Gaijin: “Click if you like Mary Worth, Mark Trail, Sally Forth, and/or Dustin.”
‘Like’ is such a strong word. How about ‘tolerate’?
@Drew Funk:
Maybe Mozz is trying to take the edge off the strip’s colonialism by breeding a Phantom of Color? I don’t expect the Bandar will buy it: “Still not African, pal!”
Alley Oop: Ah, Dr. Wonmug. We DO have a motorized toilet!
‘Shaft – I call BS. These guys who just lost their shorts should be at each others throats(IE: “F##k you Ed! I’m going to cut you like a Goddamned Fresh honeydew melon!!”) like crack smoking cockfighting roosters in the cramped backseat of a flaming Ford Pinto. But here are we la de da let’s wallow in our misery….Ugh how Batuikish.
@taig: Can’t have this panel dominated by Betty in her bikini! Let’s stick a weird little kid in the corner.
MARY WORTH: Puh-leaze, Jared! I think even that Princess Leia love doll you keep under your mattress would consider you “not enough.”
@Needless_Exposition: #118
Did not know that! I saw the movie and enjoyed the dancing scenes…the rest of it was so-so…
@taig:
Luann: ” Luann, at least Bernice has the luxury of being voluntarily abstinent.”
OMG – it just struck me that Luann is a female Incel.
@jerp+jump: I always thought of Roz as being somewhere in her 60s, in bird years. Do menopausal birds still lay eggs? Do birds even have menopause? Thanks, Shoe, now I’m thinking about bird menopause.
@Effluvius Erratus:
The old Dawn also looked like she had hit middle age at least ten years early. Then Brigman un-aged all the characters.
@Uncle Lumpy:
” Maybe Mozz is trying to take the edge off the strip’s colonialism by breeding a Phantom of Color? I don’t expect the Bandar will buy it: “Still not African, pal!””
Unfortunately, I don’t think the audience is quite ready to accept the Phantom getting an heir with an African woman. Savarna can pass as a tanned European so she’s more acceptable.
@Austria: Birds aren’t even mammals and don’t bear live young. So it’s doubtful that they would have menopause, or menstruation, in any meaningful sense of the words.
Mary Worth:
“not enough
look you
fib I do
know jealous”
Beautiful, very moving poetry from Karen Moy there.
@Oversized Garden Ornament: I don’t think Luann is an incel. Her avoidance of sex seems pretty voluntary: Every time she goes out with a guy, or even goes to a party, she finds a way to avoid anything sexual happening.
@Needless_Exposition: #118
“…the lyrics were changed to reflect more off of dancing rather than the serial killer vibe.”
In which case the movie would have been titled “Slash Dance”…
I’ll leave now…
FW: “Amazon” is just a synonym for “Order stuff now and get it now”, like “Xerox” is a synonym for “Copying” and “Montoni’s Pizza” is a synonym for “Gastric Pains”.
Phantom: Wait…. she’s not naked! You lied to me! *uses frying skillet to bonk head*
FW: Why is Amazon mentioned by its real name, while Target gets a fake name?
Also, Amazon does same-day delivery for stuff like toilet paper and phone chargers. I’d be surprised if they could move a set of crystal army figurines that quickly.
While a good chunk of their relationship problems lie in Dawn being a boorish liar who scopes out other guys and refuses to accept responsibility for her actions, Jared isn’t without blame here. He doesn’t communicate to Dawn like an adult when she does things that make him visibly uncomfortable and insecure but instead whines passive aggressively and tries to do that emotional guilt tripping of whether or not he’s good enough. It’s also more than evident that he was perfectly willing to settle for being treated like a doormat until Jess came along, meaning that he has no real independent thought until he found someone who did make him feel like he was needed but she happened to be a patient. Both of them should have broken up after the zoo incident but now we’re going to get a weekend of the narrative warping itself to make one party more sympathetic than the other…and it’s likely going to be the long runner.
I can only imagine that Batiuk sees Amazon as not a real company because it’s exclusively online. So he isn’t afraid of lawsuits. Because, Amazon supposedly doesn’t exist to him? ? I mean we all know how much Batiuk hates the big bad internet.
@Wilktoast:
“Don’t fib to me, Dawn,” he whispered. “Don’t fib.”
“Ooohhh, Jared, I love when you talk nerdy to me.”
@121 Pluggers say the darnedest things: OK, let’s change the phrasing to, “Click if you at least barely tolerate…”
@Baja Gaijin:
I live in the Charleston, SC area and we have Skatell’s who wants to be the family jeweler and handle the family jewels.
RMMD: It would be funny if Heather invented a bunch of sources and faked some quotes for that article.
Daddy’s Home-“And is this one of your commando times,” the custom agent asks excitedly.
“Oh look what else they’re selling on Amazon: something called the Complete Funky Winkerbean in handsome multivolume hardcovers. Maybe I’ll throw those in my cart while I’m here. You can’t find quality literature like that on tworedcirclesandadot.com”
@142 Liam: Huh. My family jewels are handled by my urologist, not horologist or gemologist.
// Charleston’s a beautiful city. I’m a little jealous.
@146 Baja Gaijin:
Family jewels need to be locked up and kept safe. Not to be shared with others.
9CL – So, this week we go all in on the observation that Amos seems to submit Edda to a continuous stream of idle flattery, which she craves like food.
We also established that this flattery is generated by taking the same observation: “you are the hottest chick in the whole world, babe!” and simply running the words through a Thesaurus over and over and over and over again. (Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head)
We always bag on Edda because she never returns a compliment, nor does she acknowledge one when received. But Amos needs to take some of the blame here, too. He never compliments her in her roles as mother, or wife, or professional performing musician. They seem to have no kitchen or oven or dining table, so I assume she never cooks (still waiting for those Deviled Eggs she promised), so that is out as a possible platform for praise.
Really, outside of her looks, which are a separate matter, there isn’t much material to work with. She never seems particularly empathetic, or supportive, or willing to offer advice. Her interactions with other women are pretty much what you would expect the author to portrat- catty, superficial, and focused on their relative status as far as actually getting their thrall to perform with them. Amos is just playing out a bad hand the best he can.
FW — I mean, Orinoco was right there!
MW — All kidding aside, this storyline is getting *very* deep into questions of motivation (well, deep for the comics anyway). Can’t wait to see how Moi works a Mary ex-machina into untangling Jared’s deception, and perhaps self-deception. Characters who don’t know their own minds, and whose tummy-brains give out conflicting signals–this is going to take a lot of muffins. . . .
DT: Some chase scene this is going to be. An obese man tearing out on a 125cc mini-bike.
DT: Mudges have commented how much Mr. Memory resembles Victor Buono. With that motorcycle helmet on he looks more like Lt. Tono Porkins, the fat rebel pilot from the 1st Star Wars movie.
DT: I was really hoping that Mr. Memory would come out of that bathroom blasting away with a gun he had hidden in the toilet flush tank like Michael Corleone.
MW: Speaking of Lt. Porkins, I wonder if Jared has an action figure of him?
@Uncle Lumpy: But maybe if I drink the lye now it won’t happen.
Come, come. No need to be so blunt or downright vulgar even. Be like Jared and call what you drink ‘fyb’.
@150 Guillermo el chiclero:
Mr. Memory seems to be having problems handling that mini-bike. Should he crash and die he will be nothing but a, well, a memory.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: 9CL – OMG! Juliette has been in some kind of horrible accident, likely involving a thresher or wood chipper, that has elongated her arms so that they hang down below her knees!!
I don’t know. Is it the arms themselves, or that Brooke chose to depict her as comically high-waisted? There is room for only about 2 ribs underneath her tastefully understated yet womanly bosom.
BB- It looks like Cookie has been getting culinary advice from Carl Weathers.
“But TJ’s a GOOD Hooker!!!”-Joel Robinson, from the audience of “Mary Worth: The Hands of Fate in 3-D”
Phantom: Wait a second. How do we know that’s Stripeybutt’s baby she’s carrying? Didn’t he give her the brush off and instruct Babudan to put her up in the village for the night?
@Daisy: #127: If you’ve never seen “The Full Monty”, the British film about about a bunch of unemployed factory workers working up a make stripper act to earn some cash, do so. They decide to rent a copy of “Flashdance” to get some pointers. During the scene where Jennifer Beals character is working at the construction site one of the blokes starts critiquing her welding job.
“She’s doing it all wrong! That weld won’t hold together for fuck!”
Crank: Ed’s sub-puns are not only getting more forced, they’re becoming less relevant to the conversation. We can but hope that Bedside Manor beckons.
FW: Something I noticed a while ago is that it’s very rare for fictional works set in Britain, even ones that make a point of having supermarkets called Yesco and Aldl, newspapers called the Daily Heliograph and The Moon, and even fictional commercial TV stations, to use a fictional counterpart to the BBC. Maybe fictional BBC programmes, maybe even fictional BBC channels, but you can’t have an entirely fictional organisation in the place of the BBC, because it’s the BBC. It’s depressing to consider that Amazon has reached the same level of ubiquity.
GT: “Will anyone outside Milford care about this storyline?” is a heck of a thing to be asking in your wrap-up.
MT: Flashforward to thirty years later, when Rusty is explaining that he lost his leg to the Seaside Spectre and has been hunting it ever since.
Love Is-Having more sex than ‘9 Chickweed Lane’ that you don’t even bother to put on clothes.
@Uncle Lumpy: Actually I think recapping the current Phantom story is pretty easy:
Stripey wants to rescue Sarvana. Old Man Mozz tells him he shouldn’t, and predicts what will happen if he does, but he’s making some of it up to sell his case better. We haven’t been told what parts.
That’s it. It doesn’t matter what happens in the prediction, because even the stuff Mozz isn’t making up isn’t actually going to happen.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Sid, I try to check for your words of wisdom every day, but I’m sure I’ve missed a few of your posts, and apologize if you’ve already addressed my concern about Walter the DT Owl. I am genuinely concerned for him, even more now that he seems to look a little smaller than before. Even if he’s not your client, I’d appreciate your perspective on what’s going on, even if it’s brief. Thank you.
I don’t see why birds should be any more squeamish about eating eggs than we mammals are about eating lamb and veal.
@Horace Broon: Re MT, bwahahaha!
MW: I think Jared should meet JP’s Marie and have a torrid affair with her, and then they can form a pact to hunt down and punish the artists who gave them large unnerving faces that cause some readers to rear back and go “Arrrgh!” And by some readers, I mean me.
@Charterstoned: Her eyebrow looks both angry and guilty, nice acting by an eyebrow.
@161 Poteet:
It’s possible Dick Tracy is not one of Sid‘s clients. DT may be getting their owl from Owls ʁ Us, a box store animal supply company with no guarantee on the performance. They sometimes substitute an owl in the middle of a story which would account for the size difference.
You just can’t beat Sid for quality animal performance!
@Poteet: @Sequitur: re DT: I must apologize for not updating on Walter the Owl, who’s stealing the show over at Dick Tracy! You understand I’ve been tied up with Mr. Solo’s debut …
No, Walter is not one of my clients – though I certainly wish he were! That boy’s got moxie! I have, of course, been making discreet inquiries about who’s reppin’ him and whether he’s amenable to any change of agency. They like to keep things close to the vest over there, but I gather he’s not from one of those big box agencies, as Seq suggests. They don’t usually provide Animals of his caliber and talent. But I did learn that they are using a stunt double the last couple of days for the exciting mini-bike chase scene – and they weren’t able to get another Owl of similar size. Yeah, some so-called agents just don’t have the right contacts.
From what my sources can find out, Walter is being cared for in a comfortable and humane way. BO and Gertie have taken a shine to him and make sure he gets plenty of “vittles” (mice, to those who don’t speak the Plenty tongue.) I will be monitoring his situation, as we try to
steal him from his agentmake a competitive proposal to him.MT: Hooboy! I sure hope FW Elk didn’t see this today! Finally an appearance by the Seaside Specter! Just after FW gave up trying to crash the production and left the location in disgust! If ya ask me, this was Fate at work to keep him from making an ass of himself by playing such a ridiculous character. A legendary talent like him has no place in this travesty. Whoever is playing that role is gonna be a laughingstock – I’m glad it’s apparently a two-legger.
Your legacy is secure, FW!
@Oversized Garden Ornament: LUANN: Are you forgetting the infamous abstinence pamphlet, and how Luann literally fantasized about denying sex to a horny Aaron Hill (ignoring the fact that he wanted nothing to do with her anyway, since he played dumb every time she threw herself at him like an alley cat in heat)?
To quote Arrested Development: “It’s like she gets off on being withholding.”
@158 Horace Broon: on Funky Winkerbean: I loved shopping at the UK’s northernmost Yesco in Friso. You know its motto, “Every tiddle helps.”
@161 Poteet: Don’t worry, that’s a plastic stunt double on the big guy’s shoulder. The Tribune know not to mess with animals: they don’t want to feel the Wrath of the Poteet rain down on them.
@Bryan:
” LUANN: Are you forgetting the infamous abstinence pamphlet, and how Luann literally fantasized about denying sex to a horny Aaron Hill ”
Of course I know about the pamphlet and that this comic has a very anti-sex message, but I haven’t read the comic with Luann’s fantasies. But in today’s comic, we see Bernice getting completely extatic over not having to have sex with Nil – which she seemed quite willing to do earlier, at least when they were under the threat of discovery. As I wrote, that woman needs help.
@Little Guy:
Phantom: “Wait…. she’s not naked! You lied to me! *uses frying skillet to bonk head*”
I think I have an explanation: there’s a very discreet cut and time jump between the second and third panels.
First we see the Phantom approaching a naked Savarna and succumbing to her charms. Then we have a long time jump and we see the consequences of that kiss. And now Savarna is wearing one of Diana’s left-behind nightgowns because the Phantom won’t let the mother of his child sleep in the nude – she might catch a cold or something.
@Oversized Garden Ornament: I’m still not convinced that Bernice ever really did want to have sex with Nil. After all, she insisted that they put themselves in positions where they were in imminent danger of being walked in on, just so she could shut him down when someone inevitably did walk in. I agree that she needs professional help though.
Funky Winkerbean: I’m gutted that we didn’t get to find out what might have been, in Amazon’s replacement….Ganges? Danube? Thames? Maybe simply “Yellow”.
@Sequitur: Thanks for that interesting info. The world of comic-strip Animal acting is far more complicated than I would ever have guessed.
As for that motorized toilet, I’m mostly awestruck but also a little worried. No sign of a seatbelt.
Puddles peed on Luann ’cause she wouldn’t toss the ball, but she didn’t even notice.
MW: “Dawn, do you feel like I’m not enough for you?” “Not at all. I’m pretty small down there. You’ll do, I guess.”
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Thank you, Sid! Apart from the welcome reassurance that Walter is getting good food and care, I’m happy that you are going to make a proposal to rep him. He’d be smart to say yes. Whatever outfit has him now never bothers to post here, and that alone puts them on a lower rung than you. The insights you provide have made some of us humans appreciate Animals in comic strips far more. And your clients always, well almost always, say good things about you.
Also, you’re not afraid to tell it like it is. “Travesty” is an excellent word to describe whatever that is that’s hulking around today in MT. Two-legger jackassery, figures. OOOPS. Oh geeez. Beg pardon. Two-legger dumbosity. I’ve gotta remember to quit using those outdated offensive words, very sorry.
Shoe: “What’s so special about an omelet?” “It’s that the main two ingredients comes out of my own cloaca. Yes, it’s a birdshit omelet!”
@278 Poteet:
Unless you’re talking about Crankshaft. Then it’s “addhatery”.
FW: “Amazon has same day delivery… it’ll be here before the bride even cuts off the groom’s balls!”
Funky Winkerbean: “Daddy! Daddy! That couple in the background! Are they turning into ghosts or something? Are they DYING?” “Don’t worry about them, sweetheart. They’re just wearing Ben-Day dots for this special occasion and they must have spilled some onto their faces. Don’t stare, it’s rude.”
@178 Poteet: Today’s Mary Worth before Special Effects were applied…OK, Not So Special Effects if I’m honest.
@astroboy:
MW – “Fib?” Jared actually said “fib?” Is that the way these kids today speak, Karen?
_______________________________
J. Edgar Hoover was in charge of a gov. agency named the F.I.B.
@Maude R. Fawker:
MW: “Dawn, do you feel like I’m not enough for you?” “Not at all. I’m pretty small down there. You’ll do, I guess.”
______________________________
“Do not make sport of my Schwartz young Skyweston.”
@Poteet:
♪ Dawn is never gonna dance again
Guilty eyebrows got no rhythm…
Blondie. Mr. Dithers scares Dagwood into showing up for work despite being sick. The next thing you know, half the company comes down with Covid.