Dagwood has never bought a bird in his life, what’s the story there
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Blondie, 1/25/22
OK, a cat wedding isn’t that wacky — like maybe it’s in the top 20 percent of wacky things that might conceivably happen to a caterer — but this strip did make me realize that frankly nothing particularly wacky ever happens to Dagwood. Like, he goes to work, annoys his carpool, gets yelled at by his boss, eats fast food, etc., etc. Oh, did you go to a bird store and the bird store guy said something weird about the bird, Dagwood? BORING. What I’m trying to say is that he should know better than now to try to one-up his wife on this point.
Dick Tracy, 1/25/22
It must be kind of fun to be Kriptonite — no, wait, I mean Kyptonite — sorry, that’s just Kryptonite, I guess. Anyway, it must be fun to be him because you don’t have to keep track of the various inscrutable feuds within the Tracyverse underworld. Someone calls you up, pays you some money, and then you go and murder someone else with a speargun! Is the guy you’re supposed to murder today the same guy who paid you to murder someone else like two weeks ago? Who knows! You don’t keep written records of all this stuff! It’s murder! Why would you?
Mary Worth, 1/25/22
ME, ON A DATE, REALIZING THAT THE DEAD DOG TALK ISN’T GOING SO WELL: I’m really enjoying working with my nephew! The job stresses him out, though. Probably because of all the dogs we keep killing [no damn it shut up shut up shut up]
225 replies to “Dagwood has never bought a bird in his life, what’s the story there”
Dick Tracy: While the Minister of Funny Walks goose steps out of the picture, the woman watching him can’t possibly be a Dick Tracy villain: she has no obvious physical deformity. Maybe if she wasn’t clutching that grocery bag so close to her chest we might find out her criminal nickname is “Unaboob.”
Slylock Fox: The opening scene to a movie that’s definitely “not for children.”
MW – Yes, Dr. Ed, stop talking shop and eat your . . . pigs in blankets? Geez Estelle, I know he’s younger than you, but did you really have to order for him off the kiddie menu?!?
Phantom – I hate it when the translator bowdlerizes the original Bandar: “Ghost Who’d Stick his Dick in Crazy let crazy have a gun!”
CS – There you go, Baja, a nice, ignited flame thrower on a mostly white background. The care and consideration Batiuk’s shown you almost makes the Christopher Nolan shit he’s pulling with the narrative forgivable.
MW: Whohoo, now we know why they’re sitting side by side. Can’t wait to see Dr. Ed’s eyes pop.
RMMD: “Oh, no, we’re going to miss our vet appointment! Since you’re here, do you think you could express Petey’s anal glands real quick?”
BLONDIE: I’d cater it for the catnip punch alone.
Those cats look like they came out of a 1920s comic strip — which I guess Blondie is. after all. I guess in the Blondie-verse humans evolve, but animals don’t. Well, they can mark themselves “safe from the animalpocalypse.”
Mary Worth Mashup: If you didn’t think you-know-who wasn’t around…
Slylock Fox Mashup: One of the Six Differences is a bit easier to spot in this strip.
Veterinarian is a lame job, Wilbur was a self-made man! In the sense that none of his many problems came from work, he made them himself
Blondie: Years ago, the Blondie strip was often the subject of Tijuana bibles one of which, I’m assuming, the author was reading just before writing a strip that’s basically about two women who have built a ceremony around watching cats fuck.
B: “We need to revitalise this strip after 90 years, what is popular now? Cats, comics about cats! What is the main attribute of cats? That they are sociable and monogamous, right? Cat-lovers are going to love this!”
@3 richardf8: We’ll see where it goes…
Slylock: Who knew Cassandra Cat and Trashlee from MW were roommates?
Cat Ladies – Look, not to split cat hairs, but wasn’t Gus Gus one of the mice in the Disney Cinderella? Can we please call these cats by their full names? Madame Fifipants and Emperor Augustus Tiberius Smooshyface.
BROKE: Selfishly exploiting freedom of conscience to avoid catering same-sex weddings!
WOKE: Rightfully using freedom of conscience to avoid catering cat weddings!
MW: The conversation really grinds to a halt when the Doc’s plate of severed fingers arrives.
Dick Tracy: It really doesn’t matter how that guy’s name is spelled or pronounced, because at some point he’s going to join a rival gang. He’ll be Kryptonite, Blood tomorrow.
Snuffy Smith : Except the jury reacts with an unanimous, unison “Yer honor, if we say he’s guiltee and fit to be hang-ed, will you giv’ ‘im the hemp necktie right then and then and make him SHUT UP!?”
********
Dick Tracy : shoot, I had hoped that Agent 99 didn’t actually know Paul Chandler, and was directly in league with Special K
that’s how I’m choosing to avoid the multiple spellings of his name, and that this was a way for the assassin to make extra dough : putting an accomplice in the role of the victim’s friend and extorting them for extra money.********
Gil Thorp : “Oh yeah, I also brought the judge son’s dad here. I forgot he was Judge Methhead, the evil villain who wants to kill us. Oops.”
********
Mary Worth : ‘Stell is getting her very own Dr Jeff, with his very own Dr Drew!
…Either ‘Stell is going to have to brush up on her platitudes, or Mary is going to have to put something extra in her muffins/salmon squares/Splak(tm) to keep her spot!
*********
Phoebe and Unicorn : the untranslated goblin cry Dakota is making is an untranslateable goblin expression of total identity amnesia and confusion. Marigold should have probably realised that reading a novel would take longer than the time it takes for the “if you stay a goblin too long, you forget you ever were a human” side-effect the goblin transformation spell is well established to have to kick in.
(Don’t worry, when they change back they’re immediately back to normal, it’s just something for “haha, you were acting all Goblin-Mode and I FILMED IT AND POSTED IT ON THE INTERNET” storyline-ending “jokes”.)
That’s the first time I can remember seeing Blondie anything but chipper and upbeat. Count me onboard for the Dark Blondie reboot, with its startling revelations about Dagwood and the birds, Elmo’s “real” parents, the Woodley/Beasley convergence, and the like.
There’s no same-sex marriage in Blondie’s Eisenhower-punk 50s alternate universe, so the LGBT people trapped inside it have to get creative. No, of course we’re not having a lesbian wedding, we’re just, uh, spending thousands on an elaborate ceremony marrying our cats! See, there’s a boy cat and a girl cat, this is a strictly heterosexual cat wedding.
MW – I am pulling for Ed and Estelle in their relationship just so they can get married and invite Wilbur to the wedding. Then it could be Carol. Then it could be Wilbur’s ex-wife . . .
Or, to steal an idea from Seinfeld, they could all become lesbians after dating Wilbur.
“May I sing you some karaoke now, Stell?”
****
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”
****
“Ahem.
“It’s been a hard day’s night
And I’ve been working on a dog
It’s been a hard day’s night
I could be leaping like a frog
But when I get bones to chew
I find the wings you eschew
Will make me feel all right
“You know I work all day
To get you, honey; to fry you things
And it’s Worthless just to hear you say
You’re gonna give me every wing
So why on earth should I groan?
‘Cause when I get you a pone
You know my meal’s okay
“When I’ve shown
Everything seems to be ri-ight
When I’ve shown
Dealing you, molding me right, right, yeah
“It’s been a hard day’s night
And I’ve been working on a dog
It’s been a hard day’s night
I could be leaping like a frog
But when I get bones to chew
I find the wings you eschew
Will make me feel all right
WAHHHH!
[bridge]
“So why on earth should I groan?
‘Cause when I get you a pone
You know my meal’s okay
“When I’ve shown
Everything seems to be ri-ight
When I’ve shown
Dealing you, molding me right, right, yeah
“It’s been a hard day’s night
And I’ve been working on a dog
It’s been a hard day’s night
I could be leaping like a frog
But when I get bones to chew
I find the wings you eschew
Will make me feel all right
You know I feel all right
You know I feel all right”
(I was also going to point out how completely insane Blondie’s V-neck sweater, dinner shirt and bow tie combination was, until I realised that Dagwood also wears that all the time, and he doesn’t even have the excuse that it flatters his massive breasts)
Wary Morth:
Why do people in this strip dine in restaurants sitting side by side instead of across from each other like normal people?
MW: Uh oh, looks like Mr. Ed mixed up his orders. Now he’s stuck eating a big plate of canine pill pockets while a confused but delighted border collie back at his clinic enjoys an extravagant surf & turf entree.
RMMD: No wonder Mr. Ed’s nephew is so stressed out. All these dogs keep showing up DOA at the veterinary clinic because expert nurse June Morgan keeps moving their injured bodies around after vicious car accidents and dragging them out of vehicles into traffic.
I wasn’t expecting “Pluggers fear doubleplus ungood thoughtcrime.”
BG&SS: They say that the man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. But not so in Hootin’ Holler!
Snuffy is no fool, and he knows that the local judicial system, though it has a judge and a jury, works in a different way from the flatlander system. If you can bore the jury to death, they can’t convict you, and the judge will have to set you free.
“Wait,” I hear you say, “aren’t mistrials supposed to lead to a new retrial rather than an acquittal?” Yes, but that would require a new jury, and since all twelve adults who aren’t cousins of Snuffy’s are already sitting on this jury, there will be no retrial.
Besides, there are no lawyers in Hootin’ Holler, and any flatlander lawyer willing to take on Snuffy’s case would expect to be paid in cash, not in stolen chickens.
Blondie: Honestly a cat wedding might be the most intresting thing i’ve ever seen happen in Blondie and Dagwood’s weird WandaVision sitcom hellscape.
That said it has got me curious: have we actually seen a cat wedding in a comic strip? And if not why? Why haven’t we had a big cat wedding storyline? Breaking Cat News could certainly work up to it (I ship Sophie and Elvis but ther’es a myraid of possiblities including new characters or just finally having the big wedding on Days of Our IX between it’s leads) , Get Fuzzy defintely coudl’ve swung it in it’s heyday, and Garfield’s likely to get married before john anyway. And of course ther’es the interspecies often with Francis Cat and Nate’s sorta dog spitzy finally getting together.
Mary Worth: It’s telling that a man who opened with dead dogs.. is STILL better than wilbur. I mean it’s not a high bar, as better options also include “Any person with a pulse” and “The ghost of Aldo Keltrast”, but at least someone cleared it.
Breaking Cat News: This strip is fantastic and it should feel fantastic.
Crankshaft: We’re into day three of “Crankshaft has a Flamethrower now” and it’s shockingly taken that long for him to be hanging for his life from the roof. It’s also shocking that this week of Crankshaft is really entertaning. Like seriously the ones Josh had covered had mostly been “Unfunny Abe Simpson”, but if someone had told me it involved Crankshaft buying dangerous shit from a gray market farm goods site I would’ve read every single crankshaft ever made years ago.
9 Chickweed Lane; Against my better judgement I popped in on this one as unlike Luann it’s not even so bad it’s good.. given i left before it sunk into outright homophobia, it was for the best but weridly the strip took a break from it’s usual round of MUSICAL SEX SHENANIGANS two have two demon children crawl up from the void to sacrifice our protaganists to their dark god, a bold new direction I heartily support
Archie: The Archie Comic Strip Still Exists? I’m baffled.. that said i’m also glad as i’m an archie fan and while the archie laugh generating unit 3000 may not be great at it’s job, it’s nice ot see the old automaton still has work… and that you know some part of archie is still going on a regular basis as the company tieters closer to slipping into the abyss.
Daddy’s Home: I made the mistake of checking out this strip for it’s Awkward Title, but it appears to just be the same “MARRAIGE SURE IS A PRISON WITH NO ESCAPE HUH FELLAS” kind of thing we’ve seen a million times and has almost never been funny.
Master Strokes: Golf Tips: I expected this one to be boring just from the title but clicked anyway out of curiosity. Instead I got a surgeon operating on bleeding golf club” to be a thing. The actual text is boring but if more golf equipment bleeds out consider me a daily reader
On The Fastrack: Ending on a positvie I absolutely adore Lenore. She’s one of Bill’s best additions to the strip and she’s a perfectly drawn little bird: simply a siloute and two perfectly placed eyes. The right amount of goofy.
@22 Ukranazi Stepan: You’re making an observation based on facts not present: no one in Mary Worth is “normal.”
@Anonymous:
Gil Thorp : “Oh yeah, I also brought the judge son’s dad here. I forgot he was Judge Methhead, the evil villain who wants to kill us. Oops.”
I meant Judge Parker, not Gil Thorp.
How can I be so stupid, you’re supposed to confuse Judge Parker and Rex Morgan M.D., and only those two strips with each other!MW: Go ahead, make fun of Dr. Ed’s meal. At least the cook had to put some effort into wrapping those cocktail weenies in Pop-n-Fresh dough, as opposed to that pile of dog vomit on Estelle’s plate.
FC: Bil is doing an impromptu Irish jig, that or he just got the news that France had capitulated.
JP: Well, it’s about time you showed up, Duncan.
@Schroduck: ” Dagwood also wears that all the time, and he doesn’t even have the excuse that it flatters his massive breasts”
Dagwood has massive breasts? I hadn’t noticed that – I guess I need new glasses.
People literally having weddings for their cats is a thing?
If so. I find this massively creepy and disturbing. This is coming from a furry who has seen some of the most disturbing, lewdest furry stuff one can imagine.
That is the proud stride of a man who knows he is the great genius, Art Dekko.
Look, I’m not saying any woman should just settle. Estelle doesn’t need a man in her life to be happy, and should by no means lower the bar on any standards she may have.
But let’s be real: if your last two romantic interests ended with: a) being catfished into wiring thousands of dollars, b) watching him drunkenly hurl himself off a cruise ship because you refused his proposal, you’d be doing cartwheels after a date where a medical professional vented about his work.
RMMD: “Okay, Tyler, Melinda, listen up! We’ve got only one ambulance, so you two are going to thumb-wrestle for it. Loser, I’m afraid you’re out of luck; maybe the driver has a friend who can take you. I’d drive you myself, but I’m already late for supper and I know my pissy little kids are already having a shit fit over it.”
GT: I wonder how Mean Girl knows that Gilpa is good at that sex asphyxiation thing.
CS: When Batty decides to end the Crankshaft strip, I hope he doesn’t do another lame farewell. I hope he goes out in a blaze of glory, so to speak, by having Ed kill the entire family in a horrible house fire.
JP: Yelich, who’s just as lost as the rest of us, says, “And you arrrreeee . . . ?”
MW: Say, Ed. While you’re talking shop can you get me some of that horse de-wormer all the anti-vaxers are raving about?
Blondie: I can’t believe how exasperated Blondie looks in that last panel. I mean sure, maybe cats aren’t your thing, but surely this can’t be worse than planning a human wedding around 14 different allergens and a request to make a cake that is ‘vanilla but not too vanilla’.
DT Art Dekko, Kryptonite and…Paul. Is the latter a wahrwulf, at least?
MW What’s this? A young nephew? A young, hot nephew, who needs some stress releif? Is the Santa Royale Cougar Express making another stop, with another one of Wilbur’s exes? Hot dang, I think Mary Worth finally cracked the formula…
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Here in Ohio we get a lot of government PSAs or Pfizer ads (who can tell?) featuring a sad-sack bearded Covid victim and asking us high-risk folk whether an ‘oral treatment’ might be right for us. The only reaction I can muster is, “What, Ivermectin is OK now?”
@Ukranazi Stepan: I like to think there’s another couple staring at them from the other side of the table.”Who are you people? Stop talking about dead dogs and leave us alone!”
9CL: I’m not sure when it began, but lately it seems like the bulk of this comic’s gags involve characters referencing things that are happening out-of-frame. Middle-aged men doing the hokey pokey, underwear with head shots of 19th century composers, toe cleavage oral sex: all very clever and funny things, allegedly, please take Brooke McEldowney’s word for it. And today we have the improvised board game “Lurking Hideous DOOM,” a concept so uproariously wacky that our thigh-obsessed artist couldn’t bring himself to attempt depicting it beyond revealing it is played on or near a green rectangle. The twins’ parents are of course very upset about this, because children shouldn’t be able to use their imaginations if Brooke McEldowney doesn’t get to have one.
JP: Oh no! It’s an unarmed 65-year-old man and he’s got Sophie in
a rear naked chokea firm grip with a lethal weapon pointed at a vital organa clumsy and creepy hug like they’re posing for a photo at an anime convention and he’s being way too touchy-feely without asking permission! What could five able-bodied adults, one of which is an active law enforcement officer, possibly do to overcome this extraordinary danger?Dagwood’s heavy lidded expression says “weird, wacky day” means “I banged into whatshisname the postman after several decades, I wasn’t late for the car pool, I didn’t fall asleep at the desk, I didn’t mess up Dither’s big meeting about the Veeblepotrzebiefetzer contract, at lunch I didn’t order something with as much chilli as a cookout in hell, and I got back home in the usual mysterious fashion without running into Elmo. How weird and wacky is that?”
Ed is turning from a blandly handsome man with interests outside of work (he likes to sing, we learned in his last appearance) to a sad sack who won’t shut up about how depressing his job is. Did Estelle disturb a not quite ancient tomb and this is the middling curse placed upon her?
Blondie: I say Dagwood should totally Red Wedding some sandwiches!
MW: I don’t think those wiener wraps will help Ed forget about euthanizing dogs, especially if he had to execute any dachshunds.
“My nephew works very hard, but he’s as dumb as a rock. I’d fire him, but my sister would get pissed, and who needs that kind of family drama? She makes a GREAT Thanksgiving meal! So I just assign him the lost causes. On the other hand, he doesn’t mind cleaning the cages and stuff. You wouldn’t believe how incontinent sick animals can get. But enough about me, let’s talk about you. Libby’s stool sample came back, and frankly it’s not good. . . . “
PBS: Pig, you’re going to have to go at least 5 straight years to catch up to Mary Worth.
Frazz: This might have been funny in the early 90s as part of a Seinfeld standup routine. I doubt it, but it would have at least been somewhat fresher.
Luann: Tara, question time is over! Just make up your dumb story about Luann that is clearly going to be fictional and get it over with.
CS: The nice thing about having no punchline in your strip is that you can play with the structure of time and it won’t disrupt the flow you need for comic timing.
Blondie: in Sunday’s strip, we see that the two real cats are just the ring-bearers, and the actual partners being hitched are the two women, in feline fur suits. But is a gay furry wedding as “wacky” as Dagwood’s pot roast fetish? Discuss. Show your work.
@Baja Gaijin: Ed knows the muffin isn’t made from dogs.
The only difference I can spot is: in panel 1, only one cop is at the peephole trying to get a look at Cassandra Cat, and in panel 2, there’s a brawl on the other side of the peephole.
Dustin: No, Dustin, “fuckup” isn’t a valid word.
FC: The question was, “What are melonheads?”
FC-You’ll never be rich. Drawing comic strips don’t bring in the big bucks. All the money lies in merchandising.
RMMD-Guess who’s going home with June.
MW-Why are they sitting next to each other? Who sits like that in a restaurant?
JP-Is this a ‘Phantom’ villain that ended up in ‘Judge Parker’ by mistake?
MW: The Nephew sounds like Dawn’s next boyfriend! Wait – is he only an animal tech and not a vet intern? Never mind.
SFx: At first I thought that Cassandra Cat had just come back to a ransacked hteol room, and called the police in desperation. But would master criminal Cassandra ever voluntarily call the cops? And what burglar would be foolish enough to rob the criminal elite of Forest City? They’d surely end up on the bottom of the river!
Then I thought that Cassandra had been caught in the act during a burglary. Like all cats, she likes throwing objects on the floor – but then why is she on her phone rather than getting away?
But then it dawned on me: this is a staged burglary, the next step in the erotic Slylock/Cassandra roleplay. She’s dressed up for the part in her skintight catsuit (what else?), made the room look like it’s been burgled, and is still on the phone with the police dispatcher, telling them that some priceless jewels have been stolen and it’s essential Mr. Fox attend to the matter personally. Of course, Slylock will see through her little ruse and arrest her for making a false alarm, but not after he’s tied her down on her bed and frisked her very thoroughly (you can hide many jewels under your clothes!)
But something has gone wrong. She definitely hadn’t counted on Slylock bringing Max and officer Bulldog along. Was it that stupid dispatcher who insisted on sending uniforms to the scene? Or – horrible thought – hass Slylock tired of their escapades and decided to bring some muscle along to make sure she’s arrested for real this time?
@richardf8: Geez Estelle, I know he’s younger than you, but did you really have to order for him off the kiddie menu?!? Nah. They’re the same age, at least today. He’s got the extra lines on the cheek and the couple of crow’s feet that June occasionally remembers to use to signify someone isn’t about 32 years old.
FC: Bil’s favorite scene in The Breakfast Club is when the kids are dancing in the library.
In a giant step for women’s rights, thirty years ago Blondie was given a job outside the house! Today another giant step: she is given a new facial expression!
9CL: If the twins are old enough to make up their own board games, why are they not depicted as going to school? Assuming the the detail about the Dursleys living in NYC hasn’t been retconned, I’m sure Francis could pull some strings to get the twins into a fancy Catholic school. At least then they could be terrors around other children, rather than being forced to watch their parents boinking all the time.
This seems to be a problem that goes beyond the twins. I know this strip has basically been the Edda Self-Admiration Show for the past fifteen years or so, but there are just so many things about other characters that are never explained. Everyone just exists as a prop for Edda, with many things left unexplained for their respective backstories.
Amos, for example, should presumably be in his late twenties or early thirties, but his presumed graduation from Julliard was never shown (the same is true for Hugh and Xiulan). He was only shown doing school related things three or four times and then the fact that he was a student musician was dropped. It’s never mentioned which classical music company he supposedly belongs to or when/if he made the transition to being a professional. It’s odd because Brooke himself went to Julliard but couldn’t figure out how to depict it in the strip, perhaps because he had become so hyper-fixated on Edda.
MW: Nephew? A new member of the younger generation? I fear that the cloning facility that produces Dawn’s romantic interests is back to work!
B: Are the two cats fixed and this is a “mariage blanc”? Or those two ladies have a specific fetish activated by the horrible sound of cat shrieking when they are in heat?
MW: I will say, out of all the various ways to try and get into someone’s pants, “My job is stressful and it would be so nice to get some relief IYKWIMAITYD” is at least a somewhat original technique.
MW – “The problem is, when he gets stressed he turns a paler green. Apparently that’s a thing that happens with Martians. I wonder if he’s getting enough molybdenum in his diet.”
Blondie – “You wouldn’t believe the wacky day I had! Two women want me to help them celebrate joining their pussies in holy matrimony.”
DT – “Are you getting all this, invisible audience? I could talk louder.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“I think we have a deal, once my associate asks a few questions”
“Of course, sir! What do you want to know?”
“Not much”
“Just who’s supplying you with the drugs”
JP: is this still later the same day?
I have to say, it’s a fancy restaurant they’re at in Mary Worth. There’s even an ifrit sprit trapped in the candle holder, raging with impotent fire, but nicely lighting the table. You don’t see that at Wendy’s, no sir.
Shoe: With such conversation skills it’s no wonder he has no luck with women.
Mary Worth: “Speaking of dead dogs, I am straight-up going to murder this plate of frankfurters!”
“I…I don’t know whether to be horrified or turned on.”
“I know! Isn’t it great? Pass the relish, please.”
Dick Tracy: Only later and much to his regret did Art Dekko discover that he had encountered the most sinister villain of all, the one they called: Karen.
9 Chickweed Lane: Plot twist: Polly and Lolly are the game.
Shoe: “An ordinary writer? Really, how interesting. What was the last thing you wrote? An exciting thriller or steamy romance novel? Ah, an obtiuary. I see. Let’s talk again some other time, I need to powder my nose.”
DtM: Dennis has found his calling in life: being good at not doing things. It’s an amazing talent because it applies to everything: he’s good at not curing cancer, not getting elected president, and he’s outstanding at not becoming a rock star as well. Why would he need a fancy education that made him good at doing something when he can be good at not doing it without any training whatsoever?
This threatens the very fabric of modern society. Menace level: off the scale.
MW: The Case of the Sleeping Dog’s Lie
Paul Drake shifted in the booth as he spied Perry Mason enter the restaurant, motioning for the renowned lawyer to sit next to him. There was a chair at the table opposite his own seat, but he saw that all the other patrons sat side-by-side, and he didn’t want to attract undue attention. He lightly patted the bench seat invitingly, and Perry worked his bulky form into the space.
“Where’s Della?” Paul asked at once. “I thought she was going to join us for dinner.”
Perry picked up the menu and motioned for the tuxedoed waiter. “She’s waiting for us at the Star Lounge. We weren’t sure if Wilbur Weston was going to show up here tonight, and we thought we’d better keep an eye on him. When I left her, she was singing “Moanin’ Low” to him on the karaoke.”
Paul shook his head, frowning. “I’m sorry I didn’t have a spare operative to shadow Weston. There’s something going on at Animal Hospital, and I’ve got every available man watching to see why dogs are turning up dead.”
Perry scanned the restaurant as the waiter approached the table. “What’s that man having?” he inquired, indicating a nearby diner.
“He’s enjoying the Lorena Bobbitt Special,” the waiter replied, and wrote down the order when Perry nodded his assent. When the waiter had departed, Paul leaned closer and spoke in a low tone to Perry.
“That man eating the chopped off weiners in tomato sauce is none other than Dr. Ed. He runs Animal Hospital,” Paul said. “We’ve had a bead on him ever since the first dog turned up at the morgue.”
“Did somebody say ‘morgue’?” Lt. Arthur Tragg asked genially as he joined them at the booth. “Thanks, Paul, I’ll have what Perry’s having. Your treat, right?” The police lieutenant sat close to Perry, his wide hat brim just brushing the lawyer’s broad shoulders. “Funny you should mention the morgue, Paul. I just came from there.” He took a sip of water from the untouched glass that had been in front of Perry. “You know, it’s a funny thing that Pomeranians can be so energetic and lively. When they’re alive, I mean. But a dead Pomeranian? That’s a different story altogether.”
“Dead?” Perry inquired, affecting polite interest. “I assume you’re talking about the missing Pomeranian who’s picture has been on all the phone poles, the one you’re not supposed to chase.”
“No, not that Pomeranian, Perry. This Pomeranian wasn’t missing. It was a patient at Animal Hospital. Went in for a routine cleaning of its sharp little teeth, and came out–” Tragg paused as the two orders of the Lorena Bobbitt Special were placed on the table. “Well, let’s just say that’s one sleeping dog that won’t wake up.”
Perry considered his meal, and put his fork down. “Tragg, just what are you getting at? Why are you here?”
The lieutenant took a bite of his meal and then reached into his jacket, withdrawing a folded paper. “Ever see a subpoena for a dead dog?” He held the paper out. “Well, you’re looking at one.”
“A dog?” Paul snorted in derision. “You’re serving a dog?” He looked at his own plate and suddenly frowned.
“That’s right, Paul. A dog. And I know just where to find it.” Tragg nodded toward the couple dining nearby. “See that man?”
“You mean Dr. Ed.” Perry replied in a casual tone.
“So you know who he is. Well, Counselor, we’ve been watching Dr. Ed and Animal Hospital for quite some time now. Seems the dogs go in, but they don’t come out. Or at least, when they do, it’s usually not to a morgue. This time, our vet made a mistake. He let his nephew Steve handle the final arrangements. I guess he forgot to tell his green new assistant that the dogs don’t go to the morgue, but to the Santa Royale Gourmet Meat Company.” He took another bite and wiped his chin with his napkin. “We haven’t traced them past that point, but we will.” He swallowed and chuckled to himself. “We will.”
The Luann Tru-fans are in rare form this morning, by the way, having been set off by the word “bodice.”
DT: The plot thickens. It seems that 99 have dealt with Kryptonite before. They may be friends or even lovers – no doubt that’s how she found out that Paul is dead as well.
Meanwhile, Art realizes that 99 is threatening his entire scheme and will extort every single penny he’ll make on the da Vinci scam out of him, and then some. His next move? Call Kryptonite and put a contract on 99! Not a very smart move under the circumstances, of course, but Art hasn’t been acting very smartly since he came up with the da Vinci scheme.
Blondie: This was actually Dagwood’s way of trying to gently break the news that his company is being investigated for a litany of business crimes and he and Mr. Dithers are probably going to jail. Wacky!
Dick Tracy: I hope this storyline ends with a shitload of dead criminals and Kryptonite chilling on a beach, having gotten away and retired using the massive amounts of money earned from this over-complicated string of backstabbings. And then Kryptonite, I don’t know, gets eaten by a shark or something because this is Dick Tracy.
Mary Worth: “Haha, yes, I can forget my worries when I’m with you, Estelle. All my worries. Like the many dogs and cats I’ve killed. They haunt my dreams, even when I am awake.”
Luann: I sense a certain level of sarcasm from Luann’s friend here. But this is really middle-school level teasing: “Luann’s got a crush! Ner-ner!”. Which is of course perfectly appropriate for Luann.
@Anonymous:
Judge Parker can also be confused with Sally Forth or The Phantom.
Luann: No, no, bodice-ripping is only relevant for historical romances. Luann and Piro are modern teenagers. At most there’ll be some bra-ripping.
@gardenornament:
Tangled piercings?
CS – Use the Pulp Fiction non-linear narrative all you want, Batiuk. This strip still sucks.
DT: I was hoping yesterday that 99 was Liz the policewoman in disguise setting Dekko up but it looks like she’s just another ringer the writer pulled out of his ass.
CS: Now would be the perfect time for Loathsome Lil to run out, grab the ladder, and tell Ed, “How much is it worth to you, you old bastard?”
CS: Remember that old joke about mixed emotions? Watching your hated mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car. Pam and Jeff the eunuch are feeling the same way about watching Ed fall to his death and their house burning down.
GT: “Are you as good at choking as your dad?”
“You mean the Valley Tech game?”
“Uh, yeah, that’s it.”
Blondie: You know that’s the next Mary Worth wedding.
GT: Bullies that “just aren’t worth it” usually need a long-lasting beatdown. Now, if Keri knew of a chauffer…
JP: Oh, lookie. We’re rebooting the “Sophie gets kidnapped” subplot. If there was only some learning curve to employ… “I’ve been abducted before, and I’ve taken lessons/she’s been abducted before, and I’ve taken precautions/my daughter has been taken before, and I have a frying pan from the kitchen to use on you…”
It seems every plot in every comic (any media?) can be translated into a Seinfeld discussion.
George: They wanted a Cat Wedding Jerry! A CAT WEDDING!! How does one even cater to that? How does Pin the Tail on the Mouse even work? They don’t have fingers!!
Elaine: So he kept talking about his work, dead dogs, weirdo nephew. I just wanted to eat… I mean he was paying which gave me an excuse to order the expensive vodka.
Blondie – Boy, would I like to try Blondie….
DT – Panel three – stink face alert….
MW – Wow – I’m getting some sick shit out’a the MW code today. Nephew – Very Hard – Family – Stesses Him Out – Forget….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
CS: It looks like the comic really is going to end here, with Ed falling to his death and his house going up in flames.
But the key words are “looks like”. Of course Batiuk isn’t going to end the strip here – this is just a cliff-hanger. OR perhaps he’s been watching old Buster Keaton movies and thought that introducing some Busteresque stunts will revitalize the comic?
So there’s no reason to worry. All will be well. Ed won’t die, his house won’t burn down, and he won’t even get arrested for his reckless handling of a lethal weapon.
Unfortunately.
MW: Lacking the usual panel of the restaurant window from outside, I can only assume that this is an Italian place called DaVinci’s Last Supper.
Blondie: Why do the cats look like Dr. Seuss animals?
MW: “Me, however, I can euthanize animals all day and it doesn’t faze me. Having no empathy is a blessing sometimes.”
@Guillermo el chiclero: “DT: I was hoping yesterday that 99 was Liz the policewoman in disguise setting Dekko up”
I saw the idea was being discussed in the GC comments (or perhaps that was you?), and it would make narrative sense, but I had to dismiss it already yesterday, because unfortunately Liz is much younger and prettier than 99. (I mean unfortunate for the theory, of course, not for Liz!)
@Jacob Mattingly: Come for the tits – stay for the WandaVision sitcom hellscape….
@Uncle Lumpy: “Tangled piercings?”
That would be very suitable for a modern romance, yes, but I doubt very much that Luann has any piercings. Or let me rephrase this: Luann getting pierced would be less likely than the Pope frequenting a strip club.
@Jacob Mattingly: “Mary Worth: It’s telling that a man who opened with dead dogs.. is STILL better than wilbur.”
It could be even worse. It could be Wilbur arriving late to a date with some excuse about having had to “work” on a dead dog. I shudder to think of it.
@Jacob Mattingly, 9CL: *clicks 9CL*
Two evil-looking kids playing a board game and yelling “DOOM!!!! is homophobic?
*clicks y9CL*
Ohhhhh….. yes.
@Uncle Lumpy: “Tangled piercings?”
As I wrote above, I don’t think Luann has any piercings, but if she did get any, I’m sure she’d be perfectly capable of tangling them up all by herself:
Pierced nose: Hanky gets stuck the first time she blows her nose.
Pierced tongue: Can’t eat, starves to death.
Pierced nipples: Can’t take her bra off.
9CL: Wonder if those kids have ever read “The Veldt”…
C’shaft: “No, this is all wrong! I was supposed to be able to descend the ladder safely AFTER setting the roof on fire!”
JP: Oh good, the villain is here! Maybe now we’ll get a clear explanation.
Phantom: “Remind me again why we put up with his mighty whitey BS?”
Pluggers don’t want their wives to have independent thoughts.
9CL: “Lurking Hideous Doom” is a good name for a game created by those two. I mean, just look at them in the second panel. Any monsters in the game must be author inserts.
Pluggers: I call BS. Pluggers don’t think.
@richardf8: #2
MW: Ed eating “pigs in a blanket:” Nan’s mother was Ed’s babysitter. “Piggy piggy piggy in your tummy tummy tummy, Eddie!!”
Blondie – This comic deserves a remix blog/social media account like Garfield Minus Garfield that reuses the tired tropes in new, novel, and strange ways.
Mary Worth – Dr. Ed is now praying for Wilbur to bumble in and save this date night
MW: Honestly, why are they sitting side by side and not across from each other like normal couples? Oh…wait…
@Guillermo el chiclero: “CS: Now would be the perfect time for Loathsome Lil to run out, grab the ladder, and tell Ed, “How much is it worth to you, you old bastard?””
Continuation 1: Ed has to think about how much it really is worth. He thinks for so long that he loses his grip and falls to his death.
Continuation 2: Ed has to think about how much it really is worth, and comes up with an offer so ridiculously low that Lilian just drops the ladder and walks away.
Continuation 3: Ed offers Lilian something she really wants, like – well, I can’t really think of anything good that Ed can offer, but let’s imagine he comes up with something – and she raises the ladder so Ed can just barely reach it. Then she pulls it away. “Sorry, changed my mind! Bwahahahaha!”
Mary Worth: [Me, on reading the flirty repartee] Should I mention that this has done wonders for my erectile dysfunction? [After two second reflection] No, no I shouldn’t.
Blondie is actually fine with making a three tier tuna wedding cake, she’s just stupefied because she has had to spend the whole day explaining she’s a caterer and she doesn’t plan weddings, she only does food.
GA: “Why, girls, it’s all relative!!” says Ida Noe with a wink!
@Baja Gaijin: #6
Yes!!! And lurking in the background are Wilbur behind the potted palm and Helen with her binoculars.
@Ukranazi Stepan: #22
You took the words right out of my down-thread snark (with my apologies)!! I’m sure we’re not the only ones who notice that anomaly. but then, this *is* Mary Worth…where men and women don’t think, talk, or behave like actual humans…
9CL – At this point, I feel it is safe to conclude that “The Twins” will always be a singular entity, that no attempt will be made to give one of them even a single different personality trait, or to ever depict them wearing non-matching outfits, or to distinguish Polly from Lolly.
@Uncle Lumpy: Dagwood is incredulous. “The mailman and our neighbor Herb are the same person!? I don’t believe it! They look nothing like each other!”
MW – “Maybe you can forget your worries tonight” is code for “I know you’ve had a hard day, but maybe there’s still one more pussy that needs your attention?”
MW, take 2 – “I worry when I see how the job stresses him out. You wouldn’t believe some of the things we have to deal with. Today we had a guy who’d been fucking his dachshund! How sick is that? He even had it wearing a little bow tie. Had to put the poor thing down, it was so badly injured. I pray to god he never gets another one.”
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: We can just refer to them collectively as “Ploply.”
MW-I’m going to assume fish pie is the special of the day and that’s why Ed is sitting next to Estelle.
Blondie-Boss beat you again, Dagwood?
MW: I think the vet is being served a plate of cigarette butts.
MW-Creating a new pet from the bodies of dead pets can be quite stressful.
“And this nephew Stephen? He’s college-aged? Like Iris’s new husband or that young fellow Toby… didn’t… cheat on her husband with? When can I meet him?”
@pastordan:
Then they should never read ‘9 Chickweed Lane’.
Alpha Incel is back:
Morcock69 PREMIUM MEMBER about 4 hours ago
Jeeze.
First Jack, then Brad, now Piro.
Will someone please throw a bucket of cold water on Miz Starr so she cool the frack off??
Better yet, Lu maybe you have the right idea: Change seats and story subjects and let Miz Starr have Starhead.
Let’s see how he handles REAL “stress.” ;-)
MW: Definitely severed fingers for dinner. My first thought was severed penises, but they seem awfully small, and there are only so many Wilburs in Santa Royale.
Also, Ed and Estelle are seated next to each other to facilitate handjobs. Across from each other is for blowjobs, but this is only a second date and Stell IS a lady.
JP- Who dis?
@gardenornament: #99: Continuation #1 would make a perfect classic Jack Benny routine.
Aunt Lumpy and I sit next to one another when the table is too big to hold hands across.
MW: Ah, it looks like our two lovebirds are enjoying Santa Royale’s famous “Cthulu Scampi”
“This was better when Batiuk left it alone.”
[NINE SECONDS EARLIER]
“I guess I should read Crankshaft.”
MW: why does Ed’s hair look like a very bad rug?
CS: Not to worry. Sprinkler system Ed installed in the attic (Remember that?) to irrigate his marijuana farm will put the fire out before it can do any real damage.
Blondie: Weddings have always been about the pussy anyway, amirite?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Another little gem from Morcock (who I just discovered doesn’t use quite that handle, but I guess it’s best not to use the real one).
“Garner some flak?” “Not so repressed”? “Straight A student?” Hahahahaha!
MW: A lot of people have pointed out that it’s odd that Estelle and Ed are sitting side-by-side rather than opposite each other on their date. I think it’s the same phenomenon that causes e.g. the very odd furniture arrangement in Blondie’s living room: the artist wants an easy way of getting a frontal view (I almost wrote “full frontal”, but I’m not sure I’d like that in the case of Dagwood – Blondie is a different case) of both characters, and realism be damned.
At least Brigman is not breaking the 180 degree rule. Yet.
(Apologies for this very boring and un-snarky post, but I was seriously wondering about this myself).
JP – What’s happening?! Who the f- oh, wait, I guess that’s the judge who was the only honest judge around but suddenly ran meth gangs. Does he know anything about all the dead bodies at the lake house? And most importantly: are the guard dogs okay?
MW – Everyone has been snarky about this restaurant, but give it a break. Wilbur would have taken her to Golden Corral because he had a coupon. “Are you getting up? Bring me another roll. And one of those little brownies.”
FC – I would have thought they watched Wheel of Fortune.
Arlo & Janis – That’s why the guy gets the larger serving.
@gardenornament: Straight A student? What she needs is some straight D.
GIL THORP: Wow, Gil Thorpe has become hardcore asphyxiation porn so gradually, I barely noticed!
GIL THORP (2): Keri: “I hate bullies! Like the girl I’m trying to intimidate and threaten with physical violence over a mild insult…wait something’s not right here. If only I could figure out what it is….”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Yay, it’s not the same without Morecock! I’m a little baffled as to what “stress” he thinks Piro will be unable to handle. Unless he thinks that because Tara is “promiscuous,” she’s going to try to sexually assault Piro right there in the classroom. Never mind, that’s probably what he thinks.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
But won’t it cause a power outage and flood through the second floor onto the first floor, like it did last time?
(I still can’t get over the fact that the Jeff&Pam found out this was happening through water dripping down on them from the ceiling, but it was shown there was an entire other floor between the room where they were and the attic)
@I speak Jive:
Maybe on their 20th wedding anniversary! Otherwise Wilbur would have taken Estelle on an exotic trip to her place where Estelle would get the “privilege” of cooking for them (or watch Wilbur run his stubby greasy fingers through her nice upholstery whenever they order BBQ-ribs take-out) before caterwauling to “I Will Always Love You” on the piano. (Just saying that by going out to dinner, this is already a step up from her previous lover)
@2+2=7: “GIL THORP (2): Keri: “I hate bullies! Like the girl I’m trying to intimidate and threaten with physical violence over a mild insult…wait something’s not right here. If only I could figure out what it is….””
I’m pretty sure she means “bullies” as in “schoolyard bullies”. Keri’s not bullying in that sense, she’s standing up to the bully and threatening her with consequences.
@Flipper: Agreed. And by the way, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
@taig: I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what he thinks. People like him with, let’s call it “Incel-like views” say what they say because they feel threatened by women, especially sexually active ones.
Blondie – Punchy the Cat: “How’d you like a nice Catnip Punch?”
Oaf the Cat: “Sure!”
Punchy the Cat: (socks him with a catnip mouse)
Careful, Dekko! She’ll report you to school authorities! She’s done it before!
@gardenornament: Compared to Trufan Ivlax, Morcock69 is a model of healthy sexuality.
But yes, they are utterly terrified of sexually active women—and that includes the female posters, who are afraid of their own vaginas
LUANN: While the trufans hose themselves down after seeing such hot, steamy, erotically-charged terms like “bodice” (seriously, guys?), I’m sitting here wondering when someone is going to expose Ms. Horner as the fraud she is, because that’s…not really how “memoirs” work.
I do have to hand it to Luann for somehow being more inept on the subject of writing than on sex.
@gardenornament: Usually once you start clocking people for delivering extremely tepid insults (“She offended the honor of my pajamas! How dare she?!”), you cease being seen as “the hero” here. (For contrast Luke Martinez has been perpetually insulting Gil since Barajas’s run began. Just saying.)
Now, I’m from the school of “Punching Nazi’s” but this low-grade , sub-Mean Girl shit is far, far below the threshold of that.
9CL – That’s not a board game, you’re reading Pibgorn.
Dtm – “Well, I don’t play the piano and I never had a lesson.”
“Forget that. Throw me over the keyboard and ravish me like in this other strip. Why do you think I’ve been taking lessons?”
@2+2=7: Hey, they played musical chairs, now it’s story time. Seems like a perfectly pleasant daycare. Just hope Luann’s parents pick her up soon, she gets grumpy if she misses Bubble Guppies.
LET ME HUMP YOUR NEPHEW
Oh wait, that didn’t get past my Android censorship filter.
“LM HMP UR NFU!”
“WOT”
“NVM”
Dennis – “Well, I’m good at NOT playing the piano, and there’s a lot more demand for that.”
@2+2=7:
Get me right, I’m not condoning Keri’s behaviour in any way. I just don’t think she’s a hypocrite for saying she hates bullies.
@richardf8: Looks to me like Mac&Cheese pizza along with Al Bundy’s “weenie tots” (Nature’s Perfect Food!).
@gardenornament: Sorry, I used the wrong pronoun. I meant that they are not a hypocrite.
And having been at the receiving end of bullying at school, I think the tepid insults are often the worst. It’s a matter of attitude, not of the exact words.
@cheech wizard: @Peanut Gallery: Most contemporary parents of five year olds are kept busy taking them to piano lessons, swimming lessons, gymnastics, soccer practice, etc. The Mitchells don’t bother because Dennis will be incarcerated at the state penitentiary as soon as he hits 18.
@brendancalling: “Compared to Trufan Ivlax, Morcock69 is a model of healthy sexuality.”
I’ll have to take your word for that. I’ve tried to sample the comments every now and then but I usually have to give up quite early, before I can really get a taste of the TruFans’ personalities.
“But yes, they are utterly terrified of sexually active women—and that includes the female posters, who are afraid of their own vaginas”
And that’s no mean feat!
Apart from the incel-ish posts, what struck me about the comments today was the large number of posters who didn’t get the “bodice” reference. Either they had never heard of bodice-rippers, or they didn’t even know what a bodice was. Or both.
Come to think of it, it’s rather amazing that Luann, which isn’t exactly notable for its sophisticated humour, has managed to make a joke that goes above the heads of so many of its fans.
@Baja Gaijin: “the woman watching him can’t possibly be a Dick Tracy villain: she has no obvious physical deformity. Maybe if she wasn’t clutching that grocery bag so close to her chest we might find out her criminal nickname is “Unaboob.””
You may actually be onto something there. I know that it’s probably just a trick of perspective, but in the second panel of the Sunday comic, it almost looks as if her right boob is missing.
@Peanut Gallery: How embarrassing! I was saving that move for the wedding night.
@cheech wizard: ““Forget that. Throw me over the keyboard and ravish me like in this other strip. Why do you think I’ve been taking lessons?””
Margaret reads 9CL and takes piano lessons to emulate Edda? Horror beyond horror!
I had hoped that that abomination didn’t even exist in the rather idyllic frozen part of the 1960s that’s Dennis’s world. Menace level: extreme.
@12 Old School Allie Cat:
???
SNASAGES! The restaurant is serving Snausages!!!
Crankshaft: Wouldn’t the flame stop when the trigger was released?
I guess it doesn’t matter. Crankshaft will fall after a couple of seconds. I doubt the gutter can hold the weight of a grown man.
Baja Gaijin! There’s a link on the Crankshaft main page where you can read Crankshaft from the beginning!
Blondie: Wow! Our fantastic Felines get the blog headline spot today! Are they adorable or what? Thank heavens we had some Cats who were experienced in working vintage cartoony. They were a little reluctant about this “Cat wedding” deal, but we assured them that it would be a one-off scene, only involving the planning stage with the caterer, not the actual ceremony or “aftermath.” No where near workin’ blue, or even caterwauling, which some think is too suggestive….
Bizarro: Hello Kitty! The Cavalcade of Cats continues! Two of our Feline stars give a whimsical take on contemporary foodie trends. Great job, guys! And I assure you that no Mice were harmed, or employed, in this episode.
RMMD: Speakin’ of adorbs, Petey here is selling the charm factor off the charts! Of course June is gonna take him home with her, for the reasons. Wait til her starving familiy sees this little …? NOOOOOOOOOOO.!! You’d better get over there first, Intern, and take some pizza with you! Make it snappy!
@Old School Allie Cat: “Look, not to split cat hairs, but wasn’t Gus Gus one of the mice in the Disney Cinderella?”
I remember that mouse as just Gus, not Gus Gus, but that may be in the Swedish version. IIRC Gus was the fat one and the skinny one was called Jack.
The .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of people who say they enjoy reading Frazz are FAKING IT.
Batiuk is really phoning it in these days. On a 1910 Westinghouse.
@Sequitur: There’s also a sale on coarse sandpaper and lemon juice if you want to do something that will hurt less!
GT: This strip genuinely baffled me as complete a non-sequiter, until I went back and realised that we were meant to understand that the two girls in the third panel yesterday were the Mean Girls and were talking smack about Keri and friends (represented by an elbow, which I now understand to be Keri’s). I honestly thought we’d had a random scene change (as if!) and they were reacting to someone who really had come up with a “creative” interpretation of PJ Day, which we weren’t being shown to build suspense. (Yes, there was the off-panel “check out the sea dogs, girls” line in the previous panel, but I interpreted that as someone exhorting Keri and friends to check them out, possibly the same person, probably a guy, maybe he’d gone for Pirate Day early? I still say this makes more sense than Mean Girl #1 referring to Mean Girl #2 as “girls”.)
Heath: Sure, because that’s the weirdest thing he’s done this week.
JP: Because if a bunch of idiots suspect you of killing your family but a) have no evidence of this, and b) have no idea where you are, then the smart thing to do is to break into one idiot’s house and take their family hostage! There are Neo-Chicago criminals who are better at this stuff than Judge Duncan.
OBH: “Lobsters are the bugs of the sea!” “And crickets are land shrimp!”
RMMD: Since Petey probably won’t be allowed in the hospital, June should take Petey home with her! I know she thinks they have two dogs already, but we don’t know what the kids’ next step was after they ate Rex!
SH: I absolutely hate the “only losers say they weren’t competing” trope, but it’s funny how you never hear people’s opinions on awards before they know if they were nominated or not. Like, remember when Mason Jarre was spurned by the Oscars, and that was fine because who cared what the Academy thought? And then a while later, Marianne was up for an award for a terrible movie that Mason was involved in, and it turns out Mason Jarre cares what the Academy thought! (Les Moore, on the other hand, doesn’t care what the Academy thought in a very real sense, in that he doesn’t care that they thought they were giving His Oscar That He Won to Marianne.)
@Sequitur: Well, from November 9th 2009, which is 22 years before the beginning.But did anything happen in those 22 years that mattered, or that wouldn’t be endlessly repeated in the next 14? I’m guessing not.
@Horace Broon: Aargh — 22 years after the beginning. The Funkyverse may have timeline problems, but they’re not that bad!
@Horace Broon: So I checked it out a bit further, and it turns out that there are only three November 2009 strips, and then it skips to May 2012.
Then the third May 2012 strip had Crank suggest to Mindy that she should get Rose’s Mother’s Day present at Victoria’s Secret, so I closed the window and now I’m going to scoop my eyes out.
@Ukranazi Stepan: And I’ll just bet the driver slides all the way over to exit on the passenger side of the car too!
@161 Voshkod:
Yesterday Baja mentioned he doesn’t read Crankshaft. This is his opportunity to catch up.
@163 Horace Broon:
Since GoComics recently took over Crankshaft, I guess Comics Kingdom wouldn’t release the entire archive.
@Horace Broon, SH: Oh, if only there were other award shows and avenues of recognition other than the Oscars….
@Charterstoned: re MW – The Case of the Sleeping Dog’s Lie:
Hey, psst! C.S! Keep this on the down low, but I had a little private confab with Libby and Pierre. You remember I said yesterday I was a little suspicious of too-good-to-be-true Dr Ed? Well, my instincts were correct, as usual.
I got an earful from our Precious Pair – you wouldn’t believe what’s goin’ on over at Animal Hospital. It’s more than dead Dogs…. there’s croaked Cats, flat-lined Ferrets, cancelled Chinchillas, lamented Lizards, ghostly Gerbils, perished Parrots, snuffed-out Snakes, even Fishes sleeping with the Fishes! And I hear that Santa Royale Gourmet Meat Company is introducing some new products! Pierre and Libby’s info is gonna blow this thing wide open! They’re the only ones who can testify now – dead Dogs wag no tails.
@Carsick Yankee: We got to see the leap. Estelle was deprived of that pleasure.
@Horace Broon: “Then the third May 2012 strip had Crank suggest to Mindy that she should get Rose’s Mother’s Day present at Victoria’s Secret, so I closed the window and now I’m going to scoop my eyes out.”
I read on a few strips more, and if it can be of any comfort Ed dropped that suggestion quicker than an oiled ice cube. There was one nasty look from Mindy and then Ed dragged her away to the food court instead.
What strikes me as rather remarkable is that the art style has barely changed between 2009 and today. Normally, comics evolve, art-wise, and you’d expect to see rather a noticeable difference over 13 years, but not here.
@gardenornament: #92: You forgot pierced clitoral hood. Can’t take her panties off and shits herself.
@Guillermo el chiclero: “You forgot pierced clitoral hood. Can’t take her panties off and shits herself.”
I was actually thinking about adding something about a genital piercing, but then I decided that that would be too far out of character. Not just because Luann is a prude, but because she’s probably so sexually repressed that she doesn’t even acknowledge that she has such body parts – so how could she pierce them?
Frazz: That kid is clearly aiming for a career as a stand-up comedian, but somehow I don’t think his grade school teacher is the ideal straight woman for his act.
Frazz: What’s more interesting than the “joke” today is the backstory. When somebody asks “Any questions?”, they mean about what they just said, and if a teacher got a total non-sequitur in response from a student they probably wouldn’t just brush it off with “not a question” and proceed, but at least show some concern about the mental health of the student.
So she must have been teaching something that could prompt such a response. But what? Appropriate clothing for the weather? Hats? Dammit, now I’m going to spend a sleepless night trying to figure it out.
DT – I haven’t really been following this storyline, but what are the chances that Kryptonite is just a name and phone number Dick Tracy uses when he wants to murder criminals without filling out paperwork?
MW – Considering how many May/December romances Mary Worth has, I am convinced that Estelle will be slamming the veterinarian’s nephew by the end of next month.
@Rob: “DT – I haven’t really been following this storyline, but what are the chances that Kryptonite is just a name and phone number Dick Tracy uses when he wants to murder criminals without filling out paperwork?”
Good thinking there, but we’ve actually seen Kryptonite at work and he doesn’t look at all like Dick.
@177 gardenornament:
Interesting phrase there.
@Sequitur: CK is waiting for the big bucks offers to roll in before they release that sweet, sweet Crankshaft archive.
DT: Considering Kryptonite doesn’t give a good goddam who he works for, I’d like to see some telephone records of the discussions with his clients.
“Hey, Art Dekko! Agent 99 just offered me A THOUSAND BUCKS to murder you! What do you say to that? Okay….so you’ll give me a thousand and ONE bucks to murder her instead? Hang on — can I get back to you in a few minutes?”
MW:
Estelle: It must be nice to have your nephew around.
Ed: It is, except he got a bit stressed after that mobster put a hit on that pomeranian.
Estelle: Maybe you can forget your troubles a little bit.
Ed: I’ll try. Would you like some kung pao pig intenstines? It’s O.K. I knew the pig. He deserved it.
Estelle should release that genie from her glass before she drinks her.
Is Blondie sitting in Dagwood’s chair? The one facing the television? Because if she is, I’m afraid we’re about to see some marital violence that would make the Lockhorns blanch. Particularly if she hasn’t made dinner yet.
@gardenornament:
Frazz: That kid is clearly aiming for a career as a stand-up comedian, but somehow I don’t think his grade school teacher is the ideal straight woman for his act.
____________________________________
No comic has gotten a laugh out of baseball caps since George Carlin….”In football we wear a HELMET! In baseball we wear a cap.” And Caulfield is no Carlin.
EEK!: Snowman foreplay.
Who says Mary Worth has no variety in its storylines? It’s gone from ‘dogs are good’ to ‘dead dogs are good’.
@Garrison Skunk: OK, this better float, or lead the float.
@61 Peanut Gallery:
I like it! Let’s try Spanish Rex Morgan M.D...
@Voshkod: Worse than that, I think she’s violating some fundamental law of the Blondie universe, akin to the Pauli exclusion principle.
@Sequitur: General Soy and General Mills are always feuding.
@189 Peanut Gallery:
Yeah. They’re a general nuisance.
@gardenornament: #125
I related to your non-snarky post. There is actually a lot of internet chatter about this topic, with pros and cons for the “side-by-side” arrangement vs the “across from each other” arrangement. It just looks awkwardly drawn in the strip, for some reason.
@Daisy: “It just looks awkwardly drawn in the strip, for some reason.”
I agree, it does. Maybe because Brigman has a rather realistic drawing style where you wouldn’t really expect this kind of artistic liberty.
@Peanut Gallery: “Worse than that, I think she’s violating some fundamental law of the Blondie universe, akin to the Pauli exclusion principle.”
Just wait until she encounter the anti-Blondie. If they get too close, they’ll annihilate into a burst of high-energy gamma rays with the power of a hydrogen bomb.
@Garrison Skunk: “Who says Mary Worth has no variety in its storylines? It’s gone from ‘dogs are good’ to ‘dead dogs are good’.”
Wait a second – do you mean “good to eat” or “good because they don’t bark and you don’t have to walk them”?
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: A little more research uncovered something even more chilling. It came to me when I was pulling away from Animal Hospital and saw its sign in my rearview mirror. Spelled backwards, it read LAMINA LATIPSOH, and I knew at once that the place was a set-up for weird, ritualistic ceremonies led by witch doctors who harvested the spines of the four-legged patients for soup stock. If you don’t believe me, look it up for yourself.
@Uncle Lumpy: If this were the Phantom then tomorrow the nubile blonde would take the middle aged male down with a leg sweep, and on Friday knock him out with her skull-iPhone. But here there’s just going to be a lot of whining. And that’s how you tell the difference!
@Daisy: I did kick myself for not making a Nan allusion. Thanks for taking up the slack.
MW: As a person with moderate prosopagnosia, I enjoy the comics partly because I can usually recognize the characters or look them up if I can’t. Now I’m staring at an Ed who seems different than when he first showed up, and I resent that. And it’s not like his appearance has improved. Since yesterday. First panel. When Ed looked like a different younger more conventionally-attractive person. Quit messing with us, June! We don’t care if your last vet bill was too high!
@cheech wizard: This is absolutely in character for Margaret.
@Peanut Gallery: General Tso may be a murderous despot, but you have to admit he knows his chicken….
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Sid, I haven’t been able to skim as many comments as usual over the past couple of weeks, so please excuse if you’ve covered this. Do you know what the deal is with the Alligators in MT? Are they getting good pay for this gig? Good treatment and benefits? Are they happy with this portrayal of Alligators, or are they considering a lawsuit? Might two or three of them be willing to eat Rusty so we could stop with the endless chatter about fake animals? Just kidding, of course. Haha!
JP: I am arbitrarily choosing this day to point out that there have been frowny brows every day in this strip since at least December 20th, when my official tracking began. I’ll plan to report again on February 20th. I’m expecting a Frowny February.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: As a dedicated admirer of Cats, I concur that your clients did an amazing job in BLONDIE. I especially liked their insightful depictions of feline happiness in the second panel. You run a very classy operation, Sid, and thanks for sharing your insights here so often.
@156 Sequitur: Um, no.
// I replied to this comment originally over a half hour ago. When I pressed the “post comment” button, my browser crashed hard. Coincidence the comment is related to Crankshaft? I think not.
@202 Poteet: Hey! I was going to apply the Photoshop filter to June’s frowny brows to today’s strip. What do I see? Unfrowny brows! Now hair worms, yeah. Bigtime.
@202 Poteet: I can’t fix the unfrowny brows but I could fix something else…[cough]not Petey[cough]
Blondie: “Someday a real rain will come and wash all this cute off the streets. I cater all over.”
DT: I feel like Agent 99 is looking to me as a fellow conspirator, and that’s not gonna work, because I’m not exactly sure what she’s talking about.
9CL: Yeah, two peeks into lurking hideous doom in the second panel. The hellmaw has been passed down.
JP: I’ve forgotten who this guy is if I ever knew, but he’s clearly insane. Imagine not only wanting to talk to Sam Driver but taking his daughter hostage in order to do so.
RMMD: Terry Beatty has spent so much time on that go-nowhere gag about Edward and his funny-looking dog that he had to prove to himself that he can actually draw a dog. Mission accomplished, I guess.
SFx: In my headcanon Cassandra Cat is a very devout Catholic and the chicken whose portrait she has on her wall is the current Pope.
@bats :[: Long time no see! Glad you’re still hanging around!
@Poteet: re MT: Don’t you worry, Ms. Poteet – the Alligators are just fine, and we have ensured that they have decent working conditions and are getting all benefits they are entitled to, including dental – that’s very important to Gators.
At first I wasn’t gonna get involved in this cockamamie story, but I realized that MT Enterprises would just find Gators from another, possibly unscrupulous, source if I just looked away. So I provided these specimens, knowing that our agency has the clout to hold MT to the rigorous standards of the Wildlife portrayal industry. They were kind of a ragtag bunch we recruited on short notice, but they are beginning to show a little professionalism in their choreography now, an esprit de corps, if you will.
Daddy Daze – If you’re going to look at furry porn on your laptop, first make sure the kid’s not looking over your shoulder.
@richardf8: Judge Meth Head should have gone for Neddy, rather than Sophie.
Hostage Taking Rule #1 — always lead with the bonehead.
@212 Ukulele Ike:
Plus, Neddy has bigger tits to grab.
@213 Sequitur: I knew either you or Mr. LXiX would make this response.
@214 Baja Gaijin:
Yeah, ain’t we stinkers?
Frankly, I’m surprised Ike didn’t make that addendum.
Questionablecontent, 26 January:
“I’m Atlas, that’s Smythe, and this is moronic.”
@Little Guy: Yeah i’ts more the strip. It’s also biophic, as the strip apparently ALWAYS implied it’s main gay character was also into women without ever hinting tha tmaybe just maybe it can be both. The two demon twins do not make me want to check it out any more.
@gardenornament: Given i’ve been rereading last years thrilling tails of Wilbur getting into a piss war with a cat and failing to be a french bulldog parent, i’m pretty sure Wilbur showed up late because some dog stole his pre-dinner hot pocket on his way to the restraunt and Wilbur had to crawl there after he inevitibly chased the dog down some stairs.
@Baja Gaijin: She really does look so much better! I consider your work an act of mercy, for June and for me. And very possibly for Petey. I cannot imagine any mammal of any species actually liking that hairworm.
@Baja Gaijin: 206
Could you also fix those quasi-sideburns?
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Thank you, Sid! That is indeed reassuring. I know that any Gators recruited by your agency will be treated well, regardless of where the story may lead.
And “cockamamie” is an inspired word for what we readers have been seeing. Your Gators are obviously making the best of this cockamamie situation. I liked the opening-jaws action yesterday, very well done. And you’re right, the choreography keeps getting better. I hope all the Gators will be able to share a good laugh after that boat is gone.
Thursday:
GA: The creepy talking doll is the best-looking character, and isn’t that sad.
JP: At least we’re not looking at Sophie’s freakishly stretched-out arm anymore. Let’s see, which face do I most identify with as I read this strip. I have to pick the son.
LUANN: Gaaaah, the agony! Make her stop! Make her stop!
@222 Poteet:
Forget Luann. Look at Loose Parts.
Mary Worth: Next Ed will look at his plate and start talking about pigs suffocating inside blankets.
My memory is garbage: what’s the Dagwood/bird connection again?