Arthur was at least a sweet talker
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Mary Worth, 1/24/23
You might remember that a bit over a year ago, Estelle, owner of two pets — a cat who defeated Wilbur in a piss fight and a dog that Wilbur had to give to her because the dog didn’t like him — went on a fateful date with her vet during one of the off-again lulls in her on-again, off-again relationship with Wilbur, and that date was the night of the fateful karaoke battle that she and Wilbur waged against one another. Ed the vet left immediately, obviously, and they hadn’t spoken since, but last week she decided to take her pets back to him for a checkup, and I guess hoped that he wouldn’t mention it? But he did mention it, and they had a good laugh and decided to do another date, which I didn’t discuss here because it was all pretty boring.
Today, thought … today has potential. There’s one thing any person absolutely loves on a date, and its when their date arrives late, sits down directly next to you, and says “Sorry about the wait, but I was up to my elbows in dead pomeranian like 15 minutes ago. Wasn’t my fault, honest, thought it’s not like you or the pomeranian’s owners could tell if it was, ha ha!” Anyway, after Wilbur and Arthur Z, Dr. Ed should have a very low bar to clear in terms of Estelle romantic partner quality, so I’m excited to see how it botches it.
Dick Tracy, 1/24/23
It’d be pretty wild if this Dick Tracy storyline ends with the criminals all killing each other before Dick even has a chance to! Maybe one day these guys will learn that it’s better for everyone concerned if contracts are enforced by a state apparatus with an elaborate system of civil law and, ultimately, a monopoly on legitimate violence, rather than just the fickle promises of other criminals.
Pluggers, 1/24/23
Sure, you laugh, but this is actually a great screening and diagnostic technique. If you come back and the patient is angry-crying about how they’ve pissed themselves waiting for you, you know you should schedule them for an appointment right a way, whereas if they’re just annoyed you can fit them in next month sometime.
Shoe, 1/24/23
“Wait, aren’t you like eleven years old? That frankly makes even less sense.”
212 replies to “Arthur was at least a sweet talker”
Our long national nightmare is over!
So are we just ignoring the fact that Josh slept in? I mean, it’s fine, but… don’t let it happen again.
There’s a reason they don’t let Josh schedule Six Chix.
The Perfesser cannot afford streaming or cable, so the only entertainment Skyler has access to is DVD bought at charity shops. One of the few cartoons he got was the one where Dangerfield plays a dog version of himself. No, I won’t check the title, I am not as desperate as Skyler!
Josh was up to his elbows in dead Pomeranian. Sorry he’s LATE, guys…
Dustin: When you’re writing a strip about a lawyer, but don’t really know what “statute of limitations” means. Also, when you’re writing a joke strip, but don’t really know what “joke” means.
Repost from yesterthread…..
JP: “Fool! You kidnapped the wrong kid! THAT’S Charlie Brown!”
DT: “Blow you off to the cops.” No, that’s the drunk detective in JP.
Dustin: At least it’s not ZitsMom in a bikini….
Pluggers have a hair-trigger temper as they live constantly in fear of their honour being breached and having to resort to violence to restore their face. Pluggers are the last residual of the honour-warrior culture that the bourgeois revolution threw in the dustbin of history, thus they will go unmourned into oblivion, grumbling about kids today.
Josh responded with a very nice “Ack!” to me email about the blog not being updated. I don’t see how you can ask any more of him than to quote Cathy.
@Rube: “Dustin: When you’re writing a strip about a lawyer, but don’t really know what “statute of limitations” means. ”
I suspect you’re right, but uo make the most favourable interpretation possible of this strip, it’s actually Helen who misuses the word, and she’s no lawyer. Still doesn’t make if funny, though.
“Also, when you’re writing a joke strip, but don’t really know what “joke” means.””
On this you’re completely right.
Next time, Josh, call or text. Don’t be an Ed about it.
Reposting some comments about today’s comics which I posted under yesterday’s post (because I got impatient, sorry).
Dustin: So Helen has tired of fat-shaming her husband and turned to age-shaming some random woman on the net who dares to post bikini pics? Well, look who’s talking! Helen, need I remind you that you are about the same age, and only last week you were sending out lingerie pics to people you met on a dating site?
Crock: I guess the joke is that the vain officer whose name I forget is not just extremely vain, but also a craven coward who is prepared to betray his comrades at the mere threat of violence? But it doesn’t really make sense – why not tell them everything? What possible harm could be caused by telling these Bedouin raiders your beauty secrets? It’s not really like you’re competing for the same women, is it?
Crock: I’m a bit concerned for the health of the enemy commander – who by the way looks a lot more Turkish than Bedouin (did the Ottoman empire really extend that far to the west?). He should know better than to go topless in the scorching desert sun (while his men are sensibly covered up). What good will knowing some French beauty secrets be if you’re dying from skin cancer?
Phantom: So Savarna just turned the prophesy back on track? Can you be sure of that? The Bandars are still around, aren’t they, and they were not in the prophesy. All you have to do now is to avoid getting shot!
More reposts:
Luann: Red alert! Luann is trying to look seductive! Run for your lives!
Luann: I’m a bit surprised at how quick Luann’s sexual awakening was. And all because she overheard her mother and her BFF getting all
wetworked up over some romance novels. The power of the word!DT: Agent 99 is way cooler villain than the geekish Art Dekko. I hope we’ll get to see more of her – she should get a story arc where she is the main villain, and not just be a walk-on character in this story.
MW – “Your excuse is legitimate. I will not have to report you to Dating Management!”
Mary Worth: Before this conversation, Estelle was thinking, “Can I, a noted dater of pretty awful dudes, actually have a relationship with this decent fellow — a vet, no less?” After it, she was thinking, “Well, at least he’s a bad vet. This could work out after all!”
Dick Tracy: Few people know that da Vinci’s masterpiece, the Mona Lisa, was actually stolen from the Louvre back in 1911, although it was later recovered. It might be a more memorable heist if the people involved were named things like “Kryptonite” and “Agent 99,” rather than Vincenzo.
Pluggers: This scene takes on even more pathos when you realize he’s trying to schedule an old-fashioned digital prostate exam.
Shoe: “Kids these days, they quote Caddyshack like it’s Casablanca.” Says someone who hasn’t talked to a child since 1981.
I’m not sure I’d put a telescopic sight on a short four-barreled pistol, but it’s a brave choice, Dick Tracy lady.
Josh is back:
– Escaping from some drunk investigator who kidnapped him to Spencer Farms.
– Escaping from an unfortunate encounter with Barbara Felton off the Florida Coast.
Also, the fifty-something put her bikini back on and left.
MW – Stell loves a man who can express himself using his hands….
DT – Typing Monkeys Scriptwriters Guild….
Pluggers – Stream of consciousness – let it flow – under pressure – narrow urethra – enlarged prostate….
Shoe – I thought you said hysteroscopy figure….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
BG&SS: Is Silas a stupid hillbilly who doesn’t really understand what “lower prices” means? Of course not! He is a cunning monopolist who knows that with no competition, he can set whatever prices he wants on the essential goods that have to be imported into Hootin’ Holler, but now at least he can placate his irate customers by saying that he’s “lowered” the prices. The customers don’t buy into this, of course, but know that if they complain too much, Silas will cut off their credit, and then it’s back to starvation. American capitalism at its finest!
MW: Dogs are so good they make your inability to call when you’re running late legitimate.
DT: Might as well strangle her with your bowtie, Art. That is hilariously not a real gun.
Pluggers: “Gastroenterology department, please take a seat.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: “MW – Ed’s going to have a couple more puppies flopping in his face by the time the night’s done.”
Those puppies actually look rather floppy already in panel 2. Is Estelle going braless tonight? Perhaps she took some fashion advice from Dawn…
@BigTed, Shoe:
“Major Strasser has been shot.”
*long extended pause*
“Well, ….. we’re waiting!”
“Round up the usual suspects.”
I guess Josh was also up to his elbows in doggy guts as well? It happens….
DT – “Cut! Babe, I’m sorry, that’s not your line. Your line is ‘Technically, it’s only hearsay if it’s being offered to prove the truth of the matter stated.’ Yeah, I know, but I don’t write ’em, I just direct ’em.”
MW/GT: “Every day was PJ day in the pandemic learning.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“Excuse us ladies. I’m Tom Batiuk and this is Karen Moy. We’ll be handling the dialogue today.”
“Your excuse is legitimate!”
“Who’s the old lady? Is that Eshtelle/Estelle/ Iris/Irene/Nan?”
Pluggers wouldn’t dare take the phone into the bathroom to make a call.
MW: Actually the real reason Ed’s social life suffers is not because he is often late, but because he uses phrases like “the Pomeranian I was working on,”
Don Abundio, translated:
“The beatnik jazz musician is here, sir”
“At last!”
“I hope he’s better than the last guy we hired”
“I’m not sure…”
“In his day job he’s an exterminator!”
@jroggs: “DT: Might as well strangle her with your bowtie, Art. That is hilariously not a real gun.”
It’s actually a laser gun (clumsily) disguised as a revolver. One false move, and Art will have a very nice, clean hole through his head. It’s a great weapon for an assassin, actually – completely silent! The only problem is that the battery is a bit bulky. That’s why she’s wearing that hoodie indoors.
MW: This has to be a prequel to the most recent Battlestar Galactica where the Cylons learn to speak like regular people. “Ed” and “Estelle” are defective models that will never be let loose on Caprica.
DT: Speaking of dialog from the Uncanny Valley, what does “blow you off to the cops” mean?!?
Pluggers: They have caller ID and can recognize someone calling from a land line, which automatically means “Plugger,” so it’s OK to fuck with them.
Shoe: Rodney Dangerfield is finally getting that respect he’s been after from the {checks notes} comic strip Shoe. Never mind…
MW – “I’m all right, but the Pomeranian i was working on isn’t. I really shouldn’t try neutering while I’ve got the hiccups.”
Mary Worth – Dr. Ed will soon learn that the Pomeranian he failed to help was actually a social media star with millions of followers on TikTok. Dr. Ed can handle his malpractice insurance being canceled again, but he’s not ready to be canceled by social media.
Plugger – That’s not the look of an ordinary person hit with an unintentional pun, that is a look of self-loathing when you see the worst parts of yourself in another person. I look forward to this strip’s Funky-like turn, only with fewer smirks, more sardonic Plugger on Plugger attacks, and an equal measure of cancer
Shoe – Yes, the joke doesn’t make sense coming out of the mouth of a kid, but neither would having to research which TikTok/YouTube/Instagram “comedian” preteens are following and then have to explain who that is to readers, whose average age qualifies them as historical figures
MW: Narration box calling Estelle Stell is overly familiar and irritating. Narration boxes need to know their place.
I’m not going to Yandex (or other search engine) who Rodney Dangerfield is.
Obviously he isn’t Sir Rodney from Wizard Of Id, so it would be pointless anyway.
I finally realized the joke I was reminded of by today’s Pluggers.
Andy calls 911 and says, “I think my friend Earl is dead.”
911 operator: “Okay. First we have to confirm he’s dead.”
Andy: “Okay, hang on.”
BANG!
Andy returns to phone: “Okay, what next?”
DT: I’ve actually wasted a few minutes trying to figure out how that gun is supposed to work (if it’s an ordinary gun that shoots bullets rather than a laser gun, as I speculated above). It could be that some crazy gunsmith decided to build an automatic with a rotary magazine. When the slide is pulled back the cartridge at the top of the cylinder is pushed up into the chamber, just like on an automatic. I have no idea what would be the point of such a mechanism, but it would look like the one in the comic. And DT has a lot of crazy inventions anyway.
“The Pomeranian isn’t all right! He has parasites all over, and they’re holding a convention! Now aren’t you glad you brought in Pierre and Libby, Irene….I mean, Stell?”
I’d like to speak up in defense of Shoe here. When I was Skyler’s age, whatever it is, I hadn’t been exposed to a lot of media, and often answered “What’s your favorite?” questions with whatever my parents liked. However, there’s no defense of Skyler assuming his history teacher was talking about stand-up comedy in the first place. This happened because Skyler is stupid.
DT – I will be very disappointed if Dekko doesn’t respond to at least one of these frustrations by screeching and throwing shit.
MW: Meanwhile, Estelle got tired of waiting for Ed and a look-alike robot took her place. Ed better review past interactions.
Frazz: Jeez, did Frazz rig all the doorknobs with Tesla coils?!?
Luann: I never imagined I’d see something this disturbing outside a 9 Chickweed Lane comic. Greg and/or Karen, get help.
CS: Batiuk’s framing is keeping me in suspense. Is this going to end as stupidly as I think it will?!?
GT: Is “PJ day” really a thing in modern high schools? Wouldn’t it just invite various kinds of complaints (humiliating for those students who don’t want to be seen half-dressed, inviting sexual harassment, etc)…
And what about those students who don’t have any PJs? Do teenagers even wear PJs nowadays? Yeah, I’m sure they’re supposed to wear whatever they wear in bed even if it’s not technicalyy PJs, but what if their nightwear is very skimpy, or they sleep au naturel?
@gardenornament: It’s a pepper-box pistol with a telescopic sight. The gunsmith didn’t think it was a great idea, but hey, her money was good. Anyway, she’s fired it twice while looking through the sight, which explains the “I’m blind” mirrorshades.
MW – Stell – I love a man who knows his way around an anal gland….
Shoe-Just like Rodney Dangerfield Skyler gets no respect.
RMMD-“Oh no. I’m not dealing with a dog. I’ll call in that vet from ‘Mary Worth’.”
MW-Estelle already ordered for the both of them.
JP-Sounds like Abbey’s awake.
FC-Mommy will give you a finger.
DT: “Oh, and good luck with your hair, Pekko. Maybe let a stylist cut your bangs and stop doing it yourself? You’ll thank me later.”
Dustin: Notice DustinDad says absolutely nothing, because he doesn’t want to end up sleeping on the couch.
FC: This is certainly a weird way to commemorate the Battle of Wounded Knee.
@gardenornament:
DT: Agent 99 is way cooler villain than the geekish Art Dekko. I hope we’ll get to see more of her – she should get a story arc where she is the main villain,
____________________________________
CONTROL should take over the Major Crimes Unit — “Tracy! That criminal you shot looks like a slice of Swiss cheese!” “Sorry about that,Chief.”
@taig: “Luann: I never imagined I’d see something this disturbing outside a 9 Chickweed Lane comic. ”
Yes, Luann trying to look seductive with bedroom eyes, that pose, and jutting bosom (since when does she wear a push-up bra) was not what we needed. This is Luann – she’s supposed to be an innocent, isn’t she?
9CL – Hey, I posted about this somewhat obscure strip on the prior thread just before it closed. In summary, 9CL sucks, Amos is an idiot, and the author doesn’t draw backgrounds, or anything but just the characters themselves standing in a void, which makes it difficult to tell what is even going on.
Also, he has a turtleneck sweater that he can rip apart with his bare hands and then it will reassemble itself so it can be worn again.
@Ukranazi Stepan: Rodney Dangerfield joke: “I tell ya, I don’t get no respect. My wife, she cut me down to sex once a month. But that’s okay, I know three guys she cut out entirely!”
@Rube:
Dustin: When you’re writing a strip about a lawyer, but don’t really know what “statute of limitations” means. Also, when you’re writing a joke strip, but don’t really know what “joke” means.
Also, when you try to make a commentary about the recent trend of older actresses embracing their looks and sexuality at an older age, and missing the general trend supporting it. Since 1999’s American Pie made MILF a common word with Jennifer Coolidge (around 37 years old at the time of release), to this year’s Golden Globes having three actresses in their 60s win awards, (including Jennifer Coolidge), the age when people can be consider sexy has grown substantially. Granted, this is the Dustin, written by people who think Millennials are permanently college freshmen to unpaid intern age.
Luann: Dare I even ask what the TruFans have to say about this?
Luann: Do the Evansii read this comment section? Because if they do, they may have gotten tired of all the snarky comments about how sexually repressed Luann is and decide to make her some sort of femme fatale. In that case, it’s not working. “Sexy Luann” is about as appealing as Sexy Freddy Kruger from Dustin. No, I take that back. Much less appealing.
Ed is blandly handsome and has a good job. Mary is already elbow-deep in muffin dough thinking of what platitudes she can bombard Estelle with to get her to grab hold of this last chance for happiness (or something close enough) and not let go.
***
Dangerfield? Hell, Skylar is too young for YouTube’s Fred.
RMMD: Good thing Melinda left Tommy home in his crate.
MW: Estelle is starting to talk just like Mary. I guess that’s how you bag a doctor boyfriend.
9CL: I don’t understand classical music-genitalia jokes and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
LUANN: Is Luann’s spark hotter when she’s cross-eyed or when she’s twisting her limbs into deformed positions? Time will tell.
@Professor Well Actually: MW: Narration box calling Estelle Stell is overly familiar and irritating. Narration boxes need to know their place.
***
I’m sure I’ve made this rant before so, like a Plugger, I’ll annoy you all with it again.
I get really annoyed with reading or watching fiction with the over formality of the characters and the constant honorifics instead of first names. I’m not talking about people with lofty titles such as Professor, Maestro, etc. but basid stuff such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms. A new James Patterson novel – meaning its set in about 2020, not 1942, has a character calling her friend’s mother by Mrs. Hoot (the name really is Hoot) instead of by her first name, even though we learn that the two are good friends. And it’s the same even with two people of the same generation meeting one another. In fact, it wasn’t that long ago that Wilbur met Iris at a Charterstone pool party and kept addressing her as Miss Biddie. I guess that fits with the overly stilted language they all use, but it seems to be the norm in movies, television shows, movies.
If any of you ever meet me, please call me Scratchy, not Mr. Scrotum LXIX. Thank you for indulging my rant.
The other current thing is to refer to someone with Jr. or III all the time, even if it’s not necessary to distinguish the person from Sr. or II. If you bring up Ken Griffey, it’s best to mention if it’s Sr. or Jr. However, with Jackie Bradley III, you can just say Bradley. But the announcers say, “Bradley the third rounds third . . . ”
And go ahead and just say Mariucci Arena without the corporate add on. You don’t need to say, “I was at 3M Arena at Mariucci last night” unless 3M is paying you for every time you mention its name.
Okay, I’m finally done ranting. Maybe.
Pluggers: Pluggers have a great sense of humour, but can’t pick up social cues.
Lame! What about “The only streaming Pluggers care about is provided by the Urology department”?
You’re a Plugger if you glue an antenna to the external casing of your iPhone because it makes you more comfortable.
Talk of the Trufans made me look, and I didn’t see anything from our Alpha Incel. Is Morcock69 still missing?
Curtis: Q: How do you make a million dollars as a jazz drummer?
A: Start out with TWO million dollars.
Dustin: Because no woman over 25 looks good in a swimsuit. Wait, did I say 25? I meant 19.
MW: “No worries — I finished dinner fifteen minutes ago. Now I plan to sit here, drinking cognac after cognac, and staring at you while YOU eat.”
Phantom: “Fight my jailers” = “slaughter as many of my jailers as is possible.”
6Chx: It’s Tuesday….where is my sweet, sweet punkinhead? How can she possibly be tired of this joke already?
Baldo: Chill out. In 15 years you’ll be nostalgic for the days when your UPPER cheeks were the ones getting pinched. Blame the machismo culture you’re growing up in.
9CL: Bad move on the garmentmakers’ part. Mendelssohn was one of those <<<globalist>>> composers. Herr Wagner would not be pleased to be sharing underpants space with him.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: “Talk of the Trufans made me look, and I didn’t see anything from our Alpha Incel. Is Morcock69 still missing?”
Maybe the recent developments have made his brain explode?
RMMD: So we get a call from RM Enterprises, asking if we can send over an attractive small Dog for a guest appearance. You can understand that we were hesitant, since they’ve got two Dogs already on contract that are egregiously underused. Three if you count Edward’s Dog – which we don’t since he doesn’t really exist!
But they wanna get on the Dogs are Good bandwagon, with a story(?) featuring a Canine in Peril, somehow. So Petey got the nod for the gig. A nice speaking role, though the lines aren’t all that challenging. Not sure what they have in mind for him. I suspect his “owner” is so busy with PTA that she neglected to strap him into a protective harness while in the car! It could even lead to him being adopted by the Morgan family to ensure his safety!
Heck, they might even have to adopt her kid, too… but that’s another agent’s bailiwick.
Cranky’s Wrath: So Cranky caused the Burnings™ that the Flunking brain robot was talking about? Finally something that makes sense!
MW – Time to hit the reset button on the simulated human speech system.
Frazz – If she ran ten miles a day this wouldn’t happen, right?
Ripley’s – Well, that’s the most appetite killing comic I’ve seen today.
Rip Kirby – I always enjoy this, but this story makes no sense. What’s in those letters that make them blackmail material?
Vintage JP – Uh oh. Kevin found out about the change in travel arrangements, and he’s immediately out the door to deal with it. How refreshing to see some plot action in one day instead of a week of him shouting “What’s happening?”
JP: Yelich has 20 years of experience as a detective, which means he knows that when a local judge starts a drug cartel, you steal his kid and take him to the home of an out-of-work lawyer’s ex-wife’s house. That’s basic by-the-book policework; Sam’s just too sober to see reason. Meanwhile, “AUGH!!!” Who’s screaming, and for what reason? Whatever you might think is too absurd to be possible as the answer to that question, I promise you, whatever is revealed tomorrow will be even more unbelievable and stupid.
9CL: I know it’s asking far too much of Brooke McEldowney to draw a generic 19th century composer as a core part of the week’s gag, but couldn’t he at least draw Amos painstakingly sewing together the turtleneck he ripped in half yesterday?
Luann: As horrifying as Luann’s lustful gaze is, she’s still only the third-worst looking character today. That said, it’s a close competition for worst: is it Piro with his pretentious douche-scarf and lopsided star shave, or Tara with her salmon-pink weedwhacker bob cut and Chairman Mao tunic?*
*(I am the least fashionable human being on Earth and it’s very possible all of these styles are currently in vogue. But to my out-of-touch eyes, they look simply ridiculous.)
MW: Well, my niece and nephew loved the song “Funky Cold Medina”, by Ton Loc, when they were in grade school. With my other niece it was anything Barba Streisand. Your kids sometimes learn to like the stuff you like. This must have happened to Skyler. His guardian (or something?) seems like he’d love Rodney.
Luann: – Luann wouldn’t know what to do with this guy even if he handed her a bottle of lube and written directions.
@Twinkles the Elf: Josh was up to his elbows in dead Pomeranian….
Well, if he was busy preparing a special dinner for his sweetie, all is forgiven. Cooking a lapdog properly can be an all day affair, I know, but it’s worth the work!
Yesterthread comments:
9CL: I didn’t think anything could make Amos less appealing, but lo and behold he wears classical composer Underoos.
C’shaft: “Oh, hi, Lilian, I didn’t recognize your voice. Look, just leave the old bastard to it and if looks like he might harm anyone other than himself, just give us a call back mmmmkay? Maybe this time we’ll be lucky.”
Dustin: How DARE a post-menopausal woman show off her body, especially in a career where she has out of necessity devoted a lot of time and money to keeping said body within the narrow beauty standards imposed by her industry? The GALL!
JP: “Oh for fuck’s sake, I can’t TAKE it anymore!”
“…You can talk?”
“Of course I can talk; not that it’s a huge accomplishment given how much you’ve been blathering on since before Christmas. It’s simple: my dad is crooked, he shot my family and framed me, and the Corrupt Cop and Drug Cartel have been hunting him down ever since. Now can we MOVE ON, please?”
Luann: Nope, nothing but a pile of wet wood.
MW: “Sorry I’m late; I had to put a dog down; how’s your day been?”
Pluggers deeply resent even accidental puns.
Dennis the Menace: Since when are school buses ORANGE? There is actually a paint color called school bus YELLOW!
Skyler don’t get no respect…
@taig:
The question I would ask is “what does it mean with media that doesn’t require you to go through a beaded curtain or two saloon doors to see.”
Mary Worth: “I have PTSD! It’s a hazard of being a vet, I suppose!”
What is the Shoe-verse’s version of “Rover Dangerfield” like? A cartoon dog version of a bird version of a sweaty Bird guy with a red tie?
Okay, I think we’ve reached the upper limits on the amount of Ed’s we can have in the comics page. In addition to beloved(?) regulars Ed Crankshaft and Ed Dustdad, we now have Ed the Veterinarian. This is bound to get confusing, especially when Estelle’s date ends in a grill explosion.
Shoe: Because when I think “historic figure” I think “moderately successful comedian out of the Borscht Belt school.”
@made of wince: Yo, that’s supposed to be for “Shoe”!
Pluggers – And with that, Brad Wesner finally gets back at everyone who’s ever spelled his last name with an “i” instead of an “s.”
Shoe–“I mean, as an eleven-year-old boy, my first impulse was to reference the Four Marx Brothers, Harold Lloyd, and W.C. Fields’ early standup routines, naturally, but I figured Rodney Dangerfield was too obscure. Or maybe I should have gone with Ted Healey? Fanny Bryce? Le Pétomaine? You know how us boys are.”
@Blast Hardcheese: Another one: “”My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
@Johnny+Q: Hey everybody – were gonna get laid….
MW: Is it a breach of professional ethics for a vet to discuss another client’s possibly dead dog? I still worry about him dating Estelle in the first place. She’s the Mom of a couple of his patients!
@50 gardenornament:
Luann has bathroom eyes.
“Well, at least you won one for the yipper.” “What kind of crack is that?!? I lost her! Snowball will never yip again! You monster! This meal is OVER!”
Crank: If it takes you ten minutes to climb a ladder, you
‘re a Pluggerprobably shouldn’t be climbing a ladder.(I’m assuming that “ten minutes ago” is from the “now” of yesterday’s strip, but I suppose it’s always possible that Batty means “ten minutes ago from the perspective of shortly after the pre-flashback panel of yesterday’s strip, maybe by about ten minutes”, because incoherent timelines are kind of his thing.)
GT: “Do you call that school spirit?” “More like Halloween spirit!” It still doesn’t make much sense, but it’s both grammatical and follows naturally. “More like the spirit of Halloween!” is clunkier but still just about acceptable.”More like spirit Halloween!” is gibberish.
S4th: So does anyone remember if Marvin’s mom has a canon job? Just wondering for no particular reason if maybe she’s a teacher.
love is... stopping her hand before it could reach what she was reaching for
9 Chickweed Lane Classics: The pose on the far left is for those who practice self-gynecology.
@TheDiva: Don’t forget Lucky Eddie!
MARY WORTH: Wait a minute! This is June Morgan’s subplot! Boy, you know this comic has fallen on hard times when it has to resort to borrowing storylines from Rex Morgan M.D.
MARY WORTH (2): Of course everyone’s calling her “‘Stell”. How else are you supposed to differentiate her from the Stepford Wife she’s been replaced with (look, her AI already programed “‘Stell” to automatically go into “Doormat mode” at the first inkling of an excuse. The stilted, awkward delivery of her lines shows that the speech modulator could use a little work though.)
MARY WORTH (3): Estelle: “You’re excuse is legitimate. And the fragrance of drying doggy viseca on your clothes is sure to add to the romantic atmosphere*”
*At least more so than the aromas emerging from her dates with Wilbur anyway.
How would Dustin Dad deal with a urologist who asks if he can hold?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: We know a family with at least 5 generations of males with the same unusual name, each has a different middle name, but they all go by Z. Recently I was trying to tell my husband that Z4’s mother had passed away. No it wasn’t Big Z2 who had worked with hubby, or Little Z3 who had attended school with our children. He finally figured it out, the Z who lived in a trailer in our son’s driveway for 2 weeks.
@77 TheDiva:
There’s also a comic strip called, Sleepy Ed but that’s okay because nobody reads it.
DUSTIN: Um…did Congress pass the Low-Hangers Prohibition Act of 2023? Helen does know that if she wants to frolic in a bikini that badly, she can just…do so, right?
@gardenornament: #37: There was a semi-automatic revolver at one time, the Webley-Fosberry. The cylinder and barrel would recoil back when fired, turning the cylinder by a cam riding zig-zag cuts in the cylinder. Once the recoil force abated the recoil spring would return the barrel and cylinder back into battery for the next shot. The purpose was to give the shooter the reliability of a revolver (an important factor in the days when many didn’t trust the early semi-autos) and the recoil absorbing advantage of the semi-auto. Many were purchased by British officers in .455 Webley during WW1 but they fared badly in trench warfare. A Webley-Fosberry was featured in one of Dashiell Hammett’s detective stories.
“Sure was a ruff day at the office, Stell. Actually, it wasn’t Ruff’s day. We put him down. Still, can’t let a little setback like that dog me, can I?”
MW – “That’s ok, your excuse is legitimate! Which is more than we’ll be able to say for the eventual issue from this date! Whoops, did I say that out loud? Ha-ha…um…. breadsticks?”
@Old School Allie Cat: Luann: – Luann wouldn’t know what to do with this guy even if he handed her a bottle of lube and written directions.
***
The directions – not that this would apply to Luann since she wouldn’t understand any of it – should include a reminder that handling a male member is not the same as driving a stick shift. I once had a theory that some females were venturing into male trousers about the same time they were learning to drive a manual transmission, and the outcome wasn’t pleasant. “Hey, is this how you get it into reverse – just yank up on this?”
Also, congratulations on the placement of this comment, which will earn you a Special Scrotal Award this Friday.
GIL THORP: The girls are really getting into “Talk Like a Mary Worth Character Day” during Spirit Week.
GIL THORP (2): For all his faults, I think the new writer has been pretty good at keeping up with the rhythm of Kids Today. However, now is when he exposes himself as an out-of-touch old fogey because there is no way the anyone (much less the “bitchy” popular girl) would EVER bully someone over their lack of lame-ass “school spirit” participation. Come on now, Barajas! Get it together, you…you…sea dog!
@Horace Broon: It’s probably a reference to Spirit Halloween stores, which wouldn’t make much sense outside America.
Hi and Lois – “No idea. All we did was look at the damage and exchange insurance information.”
@Philip: ” Mary Worth – Dr. Ed will soon learn that the Pomeranian he failed to help was actually a social media star with millions of followers on TikTok. Dr. Ed can handle his malpractice insurance being canceled again, but he’s not ready to be canceled by social media.l
Oh no! Not one of Sid’s clients? Please say it wasn’t so!
Loose Parts: Baja Snowman (on the right) interacts with other snowman.
@taig: Wait, the store is actually called “Spirit Halloween,” not “Spirit of Halloween”? I guess that’s to give it an authentic made-in-China vibe.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #57
“I guess that fits with the overly stilted language they all use,…”
“Stilted” is the default language setting for “Mary Worth.”
@Ukulele Ike: ” Phantom: “Fight my jailers” = “slaughter as many of my jailers as is possible.”
Of course. This is Savarna. Revenge is her life blood and shooting people is better than sex for her.
@91 Garrison Skunk:
He would grab his crotch and say, “Okay, I’m holding. Now what?”
@Ukulele Ike: #62
Re. 9CL: I didn’t look at the strip but it would be the height of irony that Wagner and Mendelssohn are on the same set of briefs, given Wagner’s (and the Reich’s) antisemitism. What is wrong with Brooke?
“Such criticism of Mendelssohn for his very ability – which could be characterized negatively as facility – was taken to further lengths by Richard Wagner. Mendelssohn’s success, his popularity and his Jewish origins irked Wagner sufficiently to damn Mendelssohn with faint praise, three years after his death, in an anti-Jewish pamphlet Das Judenthum in der Musik” (from Wikipedia)
@Old School Allie Cat: ” Luann: – Luann wouldn’t know what to do with this guy even if he handed her a bottle of lube and written directions.”
Luann is one of those women who has to write ”this side in front” on her bra.
@TheDiva: #77
“Okay, I think we’ve reached the upper limits on the amount of Ed’s we can have in the comics page.”
Turns out Ed the veterinarian drives an Edsel…
@Guillermo el chiclero: Interesting! Come for the snark, stay for the small-arms history!
@Daisy: Nice guy, that Wagner. It’s amazing that such a complete asshole could write such wonderful music.
@110 Daisy:
And he likes to watch reruns of “Mr. Ed”.
@gardenornament: #112
The human soul is such a paradox…that someone can harbor such intense, irrational hatred toward another class of humanity and yet produce such exquisite music/art/poetry, etc.
@Sequitur: #113
Ha ha!! And of course, if and when Estelle’s ex happens to cross their path, Ed will whinny and say “Willlburrr!”
LUANN: Wow, judging from that “sensual” (giggle) come-hither pose in panel #3, it looks like our little Luann is blossoming into a Phlegm Fatale, huh?
LUANN (2): So the only “facts” that Luann was able to gather during her
drippy ogle-festquestion & answer period (Luann: “I guess there was an assignment or something I was supposed to be doing. Oh well, the Evens will get bored with this latest attempt to give my character a point and drop these classes like a stone down the Discarded Luann Career Path bin in a week’s time, so whatev.”) is that Bernice had the hts for him and that his real name isn’t Piro. Wow he does sound interesting!Tara: “Look there’s paint drying over there.”
Looks like I spoke too soon!
@gardenornament: “I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.” – Woody Allen
@gardenornament:
Excellent slo-mo video from the Royal Armouries.
I guess we should be grateful that little Skyler didn’t come up with Blanche DuBois.
DT: “Here’s the New Deal. You enact a series of financial reforms and public works programs or I’ll descend even further into economic collapse. My gimmicky Dick Tracy villain name is Nineteen-Thirties United States. And you thought Selfy Narcisse had a narrow mandate.”
DT: “That’s right, I’ll blow you off to the cops. I’ll act like you’re of little importance and refuse to return your calls. Won’t get you in any trouble, sure, but it’ll sting. It’ll sting bad.”
@Uncle Lumpy: That thing looks like it must of jammed at the drop of a trilby. There’s a reason people still use AK-47s; simplicity has an elegancy of its own.
I think this kickstarter is the backstory for Slylock Fox we’ve all been dreading: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/339646881/realms-of-pugmire-tabletop-rpg?ref=DriveThruRPG
DT: “I found a lot on you. Skin tags, some mild eczema. This is ‘Dick Tracy,’ so I’ve seen worse. Still: I’ll be in touch when the auction’s over. With some suggested prescriptions.”
@115 Daisy:
*SNIRK*
@Uncle Lumpy: Thanks for the link! YouTube recommended a bunch of other videos on the subject as well.
It’s a very British design! Quirky, original, ingenious in some ways, but not very practical.
“By Pomeranian I mean a dog, of course, and not a German guy who needs some off-the-books surgery. Ha ha…..wouldn’t that be weird.”
@grsblvnyk: There’s an Otto von Bismarck/Balkans joke in there somewhere.
It’s so surreal, it’s been a week since Estelle went to see Dr. Ed, I refuse to believe that it’s been that long (or even longer) since Josh riffed on it.
I don’t know why the artist didn’t bother to draw the teacher, but while I read “Skyler, you consider Rodney Dangerfield your favourite historical figure?” All I could picture hearing was trombone noises.
Dick Tracy There must be a reason why the artist decided to draw that….thing….instead of just copying a real revolver, which I assume would have been easier. Damned if I know what that reason is, though.
@Dennis Jimenez: “ Hey everybody – were gonna get laid…”
Or, if you watch the Caddyshack TV edit, “hey everybody – let’s all go take a shower!”
Because it is imperative that nobody be seen as having TOO much fun.
Frazz: I hate it (or do I love it?) when something is so unfunny that it causes me to remember funnier similar jokes from other media.
Today’s Frazz reminds me of one of the Simpsons “Treehouse of Horror” where Homer and Marge went to a Parent/Teacher meeting at the school in the dead of Winter. Homer goes to turn up the thermostat but there’s a sign put up by Groundskeeper Willie.
“Do not touch ~Willie”
Homer: Do not touch willie, good advice. (Turns up the heat to maximum)
Strive, in life, to never describe a dog’s death in a way that sounds like you’re teeing up Ed McMahon. I’m all right, though the pomeranian I was working on isn’t. HEY OH.
@Daisy: @gardenornament: Personally, I don’t think Richard Wagner hated Jews so much as he hated successful contemporary composers, many of whom happened to be Jewish. He had to come up with other reasons to hate successful goyische composers, like that needledick Brahms who got his start playing whorehouse piano.
@Rube:
”My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
“Nebraska” by Bruce Springsteen:
I saw her standin’ on her front lawn just twirlin’ her baton
Me and her went for a ride sir and ten innocent people died
From the town of Lincoln Nebraska with a sawed-off .410 on my lap
Through to the badlands of Wyoming I killed everything in my path
I can’t say that I’m sorry for the things that we done
At least for a little while sir, me and her we had us some fun
Now the jury brought in a guilty verdict
And the judge he sentenced me to death
Midnight in a prison storeroom
With leather straps across my chest
Sheriff, when the man pulls that switch, sir
And snaps my poor head back
You make sure my pretty baby
Is sittin’ right there on my lap”
They declared me unfit to live, said into that great void my soul’d be hurled
They wanted to know why I did what I did
Well sir I guess there’s just a meanness in this world
@57 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Who let the Plugger in here? Do we need to get some Glade Plug-Ins, Anti-Plugger scent?
[you know I’m just joshing, LXiX.]
@gardenornament: There’s a series of minute long You Tube videos titled “Minute of Mae” where a young woman, assumedly named Mae, fires a variety of historical firearms, many from the Great Wars period, including the Webley-Fosberry. As quirky as the W-F appears, I’d still take it over the 1895 Russian Nagant gas seal revolver, an over complicated solution to a non-existent problem. My favorite of her videos is the one with the French 1915 Chauchat light machine gun, known by our doughboys as the “damned, jammed Chauchat”. Hers actually worked. No malfunctions for the entire video.
@Wool Worth: Right. If he’s going to date pluggers, he has to learn to say “the Pomeranian on which I was working.”
@gardenornament: re MW: Nah, “the Pomeranian” wasn’t one of my clients. It was just an off-panel characterization device – meant to show how devoted Dr. Ed is to his veterinary practice. So much so that he -or his assistant – can’t be bothered to text or call Estelle that he’s gonna be late. And ya know – he seems to enjoy reminding Estelle about their disastrous earlier date. Makes me worry a little about this guy…
I know that Pierre and Libby are “acting” like he’s the cat’s meow. hmmm I need to speak with them privately to see how much “acting” it really is….
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Just the other day, my wife and I watched The Sadist, probably the first movie based on the Starkweather case. Undoubtedly the best movie Arch Hall Jr. ever made.
@Ukulele Ike:
That’s Xunise under the snow-person head. Someone told her she really needs to chill out, and she took it literally.
Mary Worth: .. okay now I need to read 2021’s strips as how can I pass up a piss battle and angry karoke? I’m also glad Estelle is HOPEFULLY free of the Wilbur Weston Hell-Vortex, especially since even Mary has given up on him at this point, meaning she won’t meddle her back into that abusers arms. I’ve only known her very little via this blog, but finding out Wilbur got into a fight with a cat, karoke yelled at her, and essentially faked his death so he could yell suprise, my instincts are all ‘RUN” … well okay their more wack him with an oar and hide the body, but this is Mary Worth. That only happens to Aldo when Mary cuts his breaks.
Luann: I’m actually liking the idea of Luann dating Piro.. i’m also acitvely dreading Berniece’s reaction and the DRAMA, as while I know what i’m in for with this strip, I cannot stand Bernice for any long stretch of time.
Breaking Cat News: Sophie decides to pull an elvis and live under a beureau now. After unloading a bit more yesterday, I thought i’d take a break from that
Crankshaft: Okay.. this one takes a story: So I decided to check the strip out as I noticed Arcamax had it (I use that for zits as comics kingdom only alloows so many free a month), since it’s a frequent staple here and I was not prepared. The first strip I read was your usual punchline “Oh ha ha my husband’s getting on the roof and probably going to die from the ice, better call 911!”. The strip before it though…. CRANKSHAFT ORDERED A FLAMETHROWER. My first time trying this apparently trite strip about a cranky old man… AND HE PURCHASES A FLAMETHROWER FROM SOME PRESUMIBLY SHADY BLACKMARKET SITE THAT DELIVERS IT IN AN UNMARKED CRATE. Maybe this is the burnings folks? Not burning books but Crankshaft just finally burning everything to the ground with hsi army of fellow old men with flame throwers.
@taig:
I believe she means, that she’ll blow off his body parts (with bullets) for the cops to find his eventual corpse.
I enjoy Rodney Dangerfield, but I (sadly) cannot watch Caddyshack solely because I cannot STAND Bill Murray.
The only exceptions are Ghostbusters 1&2 in which as a kid, I related Peter Venkman more with Lorenzo Music. So it wasn’t as bad.
And Groundhog Day… I didn’t mind Bill Murray in that, as much of how terrifying the premise was. It was presented as a “comedy” but felt more like a psychological horror.
@Jacob Mattingly: Crankshaft: The lady calling the police is not his wife, just his neighbour. And I don’t think he bought the flamethrower on the black market, he probably bought it from his favourite garden supply mail order site, Beans End. How they can sell flamethrowers legally is an unanswered question, but Crankshaft buys all kinds of weird stuff, including a live coyote (for pest control), from them.
Welcome to the weird world of Crankshaft. You may regret entering it, though.
MW: “I rushed right here straight from the surgery as soon as I finished working on that Pomeranian. I probably should have stopped to wash my hands, though, especially since I was removing the Pomeranian from the blocked intestines of a pit bull. But I just couldn’t wait to join you for dinner!. Now, shall I pour the wine?”
@Guillermo el chiclero: “There’s a series of minute long You Tube videos titled “Minute of Mae” where a young woman, assumedly named Mae, fires a variety of historical firearms”
Thanks for the tip. I’ll check them out.
@The Rambling Otter:
OK, but his coming back for the SECOND Broadway performance of Groundhog Day was pretty brilliant.
GT: Not sure I like Henry’s plot-a-day strategy. I would much rather see more of Gilpa’s commercial debut than yesterday’s nerd boys and today’s mean girls.
JP: The only thing that would make this mess of a plot tolerable for me would be if Sophie’s inquisitive and boundary-ignoring college roommate would reappear.
RMMD: June didn’t notice that it was a dog in the back seat rather than Melinda’s son? Hoo boy.
CS: I actually thought Crankshaft was funny today! Might be the first time ever!
I guess the Perfesser is kind of Dangerfield-esque. Skyler’s probably had to endure numerous evenings of the Perfesser watching old Dangerfield videos and drunkenly yelling, “You tell ’em, buddy!”
Mara Llave: Keeper of Time — Is anyone else reading this new comic on CK? There was an update today, after a two-week interval. It’s nicely illustrated, and I like the time travel theme, but I don’t know if I’ll live long enough to get through a complete story at the rate they’re going.
It’s not necessary to have a subscription to CK to read it. When you run out of free views, just scroll down to the “buy a print” option which is visible and zoom in, if necessary. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that out loud.
@Myrtle: “Mara Llave: Keeper of Time — Is anyone else reading this new comic on CK?”
I am. It’s nicely drawn, but I’ll reserve my opinion on the story and writing until we’ve had a chance to see some more of it.
RMMD: if I had an accident with my dog in the car I would naturally be concerned. But I would probably ask how my dog is. I also don’t take her drives when the roads are bad.
If anyone wants know more about “Mara Llave: Keeper of time”, go here.
Rex Morgan M.D. – I once worked for an insurance company as an accident claims adjuster. I had one case where a driver had an accident and received a head injury. The injury was not a direct result of the accident but of a cat carrier that flew around inside the car during the accident.
By the way, the cat was fine.
@The Rambling Otter: Yeah, I wasn’t sure if it was a saying of a sexual nature (as intimated by 2+2 above) or a violent nature.
@Myrtle:
It’s in my morning rotation, but the “update on some Tuesdays” frequency makes it move more slowly than Judge Parker, and that’s saying something! Nice concept and good art, but I overinvested in Ali’s House a few years ago, and once burned ….
DT: Agent
6999 threatens to sic the same hitman on Art Dekko that he sent after Paul Chandler, providing as good an example as any of why assassins insist on getting paid upfront. Really difficult to collect after that point.MW: Great, now I can’t stop thinking about that Pom he mentioned. You just know there’s more to the story and he’s keeping mum because he doesn’t want to bring down the date.
Pluggers: If they are it’s not working, which checks out in the context of Pluggers.
@Sequitur:
A comic that lists Adam Strange among its inspirations earns a lot of slack.
C-Shaft: Lead with “Crankshaft has a flamethrower.” You really don’t need to say much more than that.
Dustin: Kudlick Sr.’s eyes turn into black coals when he takes off his glasses, a fact that’s much more interesting if disturbing than his wife’s social media gossip.
GT: It looks like Mimi’s career as a golf pro didn’t pan out, ‘cuz she’s already back at Milford, but this time reliving her days as a high school mean girl.
JP: From the sound of it Judge Duncan’s son just saw a tree eat his kite.
Luann: A guy shaving a shape or two into his spiked up hair is enough to keep these girls entranced. Vanilla Ice could really clean up in this class.
@158 Uncle Lumpy:
There was a time when Comics Kingdom wouldn’t show a comic if it hadn’t been updated that day but now they show the comic, updated or not. You’re left seeing the same Sunday comic all week long or in the case of “Mara Llave”, seeing the same comic for a couple of weeks or so.
GoComics does not show a comic that hasn’t updated. They leave a little note that the comic did not update that day.
Pluggers: “I wet my pants!” –Malachy Hale to his brother Jake during the First Battle of Bull Run scene in the 1982 CBS Civil War miniseries “The Blue and The Gray”.
Athletes Fart@Sequitur: @91 Garrison Skunk:He would grab his crotch and say, “Okay, I’m holding. Now what?”
****
When I was a juvenile delinquent, a cop yelled, “Hold it! Put your hands over your head!”
I yelled back, “How can I hold it if I have my hands over my head?”
@161 Artist formerly known as Ben:
Yesterday,while my wife and I were reading the comics on our laptops, she suddenly yelled out, “NO! NO! TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM!”
I asked, “Did you just read Crankshaft?”
She said, “Yes.”
Calvin’s Cardboard BoxJanuary 24th, 2023 at 12:22 pm Reply
@Dennis Jimenez: “ Hey everybody – were gonna get laid…”
Or, if you watch the Caddyshack TV edit, “hey everybody – let’s all go take a shower!”
Because it is imperative that nobody be seen as having TOO much fun.
***
Worse euphemism. In Blazing Saddles, the old lady says to Cleavon Little, “Up yours, n-word.”
On TV, they cleaned it up to “Outta my way, n-word.”
This was a while back when I guess the n-word as a form of comedy was accepted but still in such puritanical times that we couldn’t hear “Up Yours” on TV.
@164
Grab and DisplayScratchy Scrotum LXIX:And I’m sure the cop knew exactly to what you were referring.
Peggy PhlegmSequitur@164
Grab and DisplayScratchy Scrotum LXIX:And I’m sure the cop knew exactly to what you were referring.
***
In Ball Four, Jim Bouton describes a conversation he was having with manager Joe “Fuckshit” Schultz. Bouton was saying his knuckleball was really floating and jumping in the bullpen. “I could real feel it!,” Bouton said.
Joe “Shitfuck” Schultz responded by grabbing his balls and saying, “Well, feel this.”
@Sequitur: ACK! Press release!
If Mara Llave can transform matter, why doesn’t she turn that buoy into a luxury yacht captained by Cary Grant?
@168
Crab SlapperScratchy Scrotum LXIX:Joe Schultz’s entire career as a major league manager was that one year, 1969 with the Seattle Pilots (now Milwaukee Brewers).
Another book Jim Bouton wrote, I Managed Good, But Boy Did They Play Bad, was about some of the best baseball managers. As a joke he had a chapter on Joe Schultz whose favorite line after another Seattle loss was, “Well, let’s go pound the Budweiser.”
MW – Just wait until Estelle finds out his excuse isn’t legitimate, that he was doing his nurse doggy style rather than killing a dog.
@169 Ukulele Ike:
Yeah, why not?
@Sequitur: Thanks! I am a little wary of that kind of blurbs, where they promise a work ”inthe style of X” or ”inspired by Y” because there’s a risk that either they can’t deliver or that the blurb is misleading and it’s not very like X or Y at all. In both cases, fans of X and Y are bound to be disappointed.
@Sequitur: Yeeeah, that’s a pretty clear hint.
MW – You can date him if you want, Estelle, but please understand that he’s basically Rex Morgan, DVM, and take your pets to another clinic. I hear there’s a pretty good vet in Bangalla, a few miles from fascist Rhodesia. Works on people too, if you threaten her at gunpoint.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Luann: …Vanilla Ice could really clean up in this class.”
I understand that he has kept all the production and distribution rights to his classic “Ice, Ice Baby” and still nets a mid six figure annual income from them. He can do better than Luann is what I’m saying. Tara and a +1, at a minimum. Luann can sit outside the room and listen…
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Luann: A guy shaving a shape or two into his spiked up hair is enough to keep these girls entranced. Vanilla Ice could really clean up in this class.
Would he even want to? I’m not sure Vanilla Ice’s preferred type is “prudish, developmentally disabled slobs who live with their parents and won’t go farther than closed-mouth kisses until they have a wedding ring on their finger, and whose biggest thrills in life were 5 minutes in a NYC restaurant and getting rained on during a camping trip.”
Pluggers: I wonder if Rich McKee is trying to be funny at all.
@103 Sequitur: No, these are how I’d handle the situation.
Puppy Pounder@Sequitur: He made Joe Schultz famous, and Schultz hated him for it.I was at a Twins-Pilots game that season, and ol’ Shitfuck got kicked out of the game after the umpires called an automatic ball on Diego Segui for taking too long. That may be the only time I saw that called – although we probably will see it a lot this season.
@142 Peanut Gallery: On second look, I think I see the pumpkin head.
@179 Baja Gaijin:
Very good. In a day or two, when we get a better look at it, you can throw in Crankshaft’s flamethrower.
@Someone Somewhere: Ketcham was thrilled at the discount Weber gave him on Annatto from yesterday’s
cheddar cheese blockbus.@180
Rat CatcherScratchy Scrotum LXIX:We’re gonna see a lot more stolen bases too.
@Sequitur: Yeah, left batting slap hitters who can run a bit are going to be worth something again.
@185 Rube:
With the success of Ichiro I’m surprised we haven’t seen more of them.
@159 Artist formerly known as Ben: on Mary Worth: After a panel of vets examines the Pomeranian, the consensus is that it is actually a really dirty fuzzy slipper.
@182 Sequitur: I don’t follow Crankshaft. Tell me when he’s flaming.
@187 Baja Gaijin: on Crankshaft
I don’t think he’s gonna turn gay but I (or someone else) will let you know when the flamethrower is big enough to use.
@Sequitur: The shift has killed lefty batters. Next season, when it will be banned, will be an interesting experience.
@189 Rube:
A good left-handed spray hitter doesn’t care about a shift. If the fielders all moved to the right side of the field he would just dump the ball in left field and get a double on what should have been a single.
But I’m all for the new rules about the shift. Watch for batting averages going up this season.
@Sequitur: That’s like banning NFL receivers from running routes that take them to a spot on the field where there are no defensive backs.
“If the fielders all moved to the right side of the field he would just dump the ball in left field and get a double”
Exactly. Positioning the defense is part of the strategy of the game.
@191 Calvin’s Cardboard Box:
Not when it’s done to excess and rips the very fabric of the game. Besides, your football analogy is apples and oranges,
@Uncle Lumpy:
-Adam Strange
-Hugo Strange
-Doctor Strange
-Adam Warlock
-Black Adam
This is getting confusing xD
@191 Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Positioning the defense is part of the strategy of the game. Arlo (of “…and Janis” fame) agrees.
NO MORE SPORTS TALK. This is the blog where we discuss where to find good SAUSAGE, god damn it.
@Baja Gaijin: It’s the nightmare AFTER Christmas!
@Ukulele Ike: #135
My gosh – as passionate as I am about classical music, I know very little about the composers. You make it sound very interesting! I think I’ll be visiting my local library’s biography section soon!
@Sequitur: 87 “love is… stopping her hand before it could reach what she was reaching for”
What was she reaching for? There’s no there there. (Now where have I heard that lately?)
@Daisy:
Alex Ross’s Wagnerism puts Wagner at the center of late-19th and 20th-century art and politics. Fascinating read, and goes deep into the “Jew-hater, or mere icon of Jew-haters” issue.
@Uncle Lumpy:
Also writes a good blog.
@Uncle Lumpy:
Ross, not Wagner.
Re: Wagner and Mendelssohn – so which is the “preferred” wedding march, the one from Lohengrin or the one from A Midsummer Night’s Dream? Discuss.
But somewhere else, please.
@seismic-2: The Wagner is for the bride proceeding down the aisle, the Mendelssohn is for the newlyweds exiting the church. Not a discussion, just sayin.’
@Ukulele Ike: For a Berber woman? The only possible processional is Ride of the Valkyries. Including the helicopters.
@Ukulele Ike: NO MORE SPORTS TALK. This is the blog where we discuss where to find good SAUSAGE, god damn it.
***
All right. So tell us, is Luann going to get a good SAUSAGE soon?
@cheech wizard: And the dress code, of course, is Commando.
MW: prediction – Wilbur is going to get in a jealous fight with Dr. Ed, making the usual ass of himself. And Estelle… chooses to get back with Wilbur!
@gardenornament: Okay that now puts Funky’s sci fi finale in context as this world always had weird shit going on around the side. Also given it gave him a live hyenea, i’m not convinced Bean’s End isn’t some blackmarket site , nor did it sell Crankshaft these things legally. But I have entered a world of madness I wasn’t prepared for as I assumed from Funky being a soap this world was realistic and not weirdly cartoony nor giving it’s protagnist a flamethrower.
@205
Trouser SnakeScratchy Scrotum LXIX:I think of Luann wants to find fine sausage she should ask Ukulele Ike.
@Ettorre: The title was “Rover Dangerfield.”
@gardenornament: I know, right?!
MW: Instead of “working on” a Pomeranian, wouldn’t a veterinarian say “operating on,” “caring for,” or “treating?” “Working on” makes the dog sound like an inanimate part of a project… perhaps the cadaver of a Pomeranian. What macabre project does Ed have going down at the “clinic?” Dr. Ed Frankenstein, DVM.