O come to the bowling alley and let us ADORE him
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Hi and Lois, 12/21/24
Hmm, Ditto, interesting: canonically, in the Bible, Joseph doesn’t have any lines (in the sense that no direct speech is attributed to him), while the shepherds actually do, at Luke 2:15. So you’re not making a ton of sense here, unless … your play’s script is heretical??? Are they teaching heresy in our schools and/or churches (not actually clear where this is taking place) now? I think it really says a lot about society and such. Giving Joseph lines. Hmph. The very idea!
Gil Thorp, 12/21/24
Now, normally, “Guy falls off the wagon and immediately gets into an altercation with the cops while the locally beloved idiot teen who says ‘yeet’ all the time looks on and sadly says ‘yeet’” would be the point at which said guy has truly hit rock bottom. But this is Marty Moon we’re talking about. He let loose a string of on-air profanities at a teenager in a pirate outfit! He lost a bunch of money making “friendly” golf bets with a guy who looks like Ben Franklin! He’s got a long way to fall, is what I’m saying.
Gasoline Alley, 12/21/24
Oh, man, I don’t think I realized that Ida Knoe the evil talking doll left Arty the AI to die in his crashed spaceship on the surface of Mars! Unlike the children, Arty doesn’t need oxygen to live, but his batteries will eventually run out, so he’ll have days or maybe even weeks alone to contemplate his own failures and how they led to his inevitable doom. Not sure if Ida Knoe left him there because she was jealous of him or because her magical powers of teleportation won’t work on something without a soul.
Mary Worth, 12/21/24
RED ALERT, REPEAT, RED ALERT
BOWLING HUNK CHRISTMAS WEEK STORYLINE IN MARY WORTH
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
103 replies to “O come to the bowling alley and let us ADORE him”
Hi and Lois:
“I want to do a book that lists all the law cases that other law cases are mentioned in, and I want to call it Shepherd’s Citations!”
MW-“Wow! That guy is more handsome than your average bowler.”
Gil Thorp-“This artwork is my problem.”
I thought the guy who grifted Marty looks more like Wilbur.
“Boy, he can really handle that 16-pound ball.” We all know that’s what Dawn is thinking.
Is there ever a Dawn storyline that DOESN’T involve her relationships?
Talk about one-note.
GA:
“About like a toothache!”
“But you don’t have any teeth. You’re always depicted in this strip as being in open-mouthed surprise, wonderment or stupor, and no teeth are ever displayed!”
MW: Dawn takes new boyfriend to meet her ex Jared and his GF. Hunky guy takes one look at Jared and leaves.
Tells dawn; “Sorry, Honey. There ain’t enough water in the river Jordon to wash that off ya.”
H&L: Even at his young age, Ditto doesn’t want to be seen as impotent.
H&L: Just look at Trixie as an angel. She’s thinking “God, I don’t want to be here.”
Hi and Lois: Funny, when Linus played a shepherd in his kids’ Christmas pageant, he had lines — the most famous lines in any TV holiday special ever! You know Linus, don’t you, Ditto? Comics character, a little younger than you, but 10 times smarter? That’s right, you’re well aware. Because I see your sister glaring at you, and if that’s not an imitation of a classic Lucy van Pelt fussbudget look, I don’t know what is.
Gasoline Alley: I’m pretty sure you can’t get rid of technology by sending it to Mars and hoping it stays there. I mean, not for at least another couple of decades, when the real Elon Musk figures out how to go there and take it all with him.
Mary Worth: I hope Dawn’s sexual daze passes quickly, because I’m pretty sure she’s about to hit the object of her lust in the head with a bowling ball.
H&L: “Um, Mrs. Flagston? We can discuss your casting grievances later, but for now could you please get off the stage and go back to your seat so the children can finish their play?”
GA: Holy cripes. I probably got bitter about a bad grade in school once or twice, but never to the point that I wished that someone who took the time to help me work on an assignment would be stranded on a distant uninhabitable planet for eternity. These kids are almost as evil as they look.
MW: Once again, Dawn’s lustful eyes descend upon the nearest male flesh with no attempt at discretion or restraint. If only we could figure out why she can’t maintain any of her romantic relationships.
JP: Wow, Anchor Lee Marvin just outpissyfaced the whole cast, and it’s only his first appearance!
RMMD: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of suburban punks with switchblades? The Street Sweeper knows!
MW: If this leads to a knock-down, drag-out catfight right there in the bowling alley, with Cathy and Dawn slipping and sliding all over the lane (“I saw him first!”) I will forgive this strip a lot.
Luann: I don’t know why I should be, but I’m strangely impressed that the Evansii got a whole week’s worth of strips out of freakin’ T-SHIRTS…
GT: Absent from his native tongue, Barajas is certainly fascinated by the word “Yeet” which ends in an alveolar voiceless plosive. It must be hard writing “thportths” dialogue when you pronounce all your esses with a lisp.
MW: I think Dawn meant to think “HUNG!!”
MW:
“Ceci n’est pas une boule de bowling.”
— R. Magritte
MW: If only Dawn would turn around, she could exclaim, “Wow…that pink guy is chasing his ball all the way down the bowling lane!”
Ah! A suitable mating partner!
MW: After his fifth gutter ball in a row, background guy tells Cathy to put a bra on.
MW- Clean up in lane 6 stat!
Pluggers- Chickens got lips!
H&L: Get it? He’s shy! Turns out kids really don’t want to say the darndest thing after all.
GT I really thought that this was Dick Tracy from that first panel, until I remembered that Two Face is a batman villain.
GA “Like a toothache! Not that we have to worry about that!” /they all open their mouths wide to reveal their weird gummy maws/
MW Dawn and her friend go to one of those hip new ‘open range’ bowling alleys where they don’t bother with stuff like ‘lanes’. There’s just a line of pins right across the opposite wall and you can aim at whichever ones you please.
MW:
“Judging by the jagged ends of your hair, Miss, I’m going to guess that you’re a devotee of the band ‘Split Enz’ !”
@Unca Bob: Dawn is squirting! The lane is compromised! Come quick!
MW- if she manages to land this guy, the only reason will be is that all the men of Santa Royale know that the chick with helmet hair is easy
You are right. Pink guy has just released his giant ball with his right hand but has his right leg forward. It doesn’t work that way. It’s as if they turned today’s strip over to Henry Barajas. If Cathy says, “YEET!” that will confirm it.
@Lord Flatulence: And she did.
GT: In Milford, pronouncing ‘Hic’ as “Hck” is grounds for arrest for public drunkenness.
HnL: Dot is so very, very disappointed in her brother.
GT: “Yeet?” “Yeet yeet.” “Yeet yeet yeet!” “Yeet yeet yeet yeet yeet Yeet yeet yeet.”
GA: M3GAN was less evil than this doll.
MW: The way Hunky McHunkface is holding that ball looks excruciating. It’s hard to find alley balls that fit your hand, and I suppose its triply difficult when you’re a hunk.
FC: “Or do I just say, ‘Hey, beeyotch, where my presents at?'”
FC: Billy pauses and says; “Hey, wait a minute. If Santa is real, how come we don’t have to write him ‘thank you’ letters?”
GA: “We should have done the research ourselves”???? Girls, you WENT TO MARS. You physically could not have done more research here!
Mary Worth Mashups: No extra panels!
Luann: I’d make a joke about Brad deciding on a dick pic for the T-shirt, but I realize this is Luann, and none of the characters have genitalia.
CS: However, I can make a joke about Crankshaft giving Ralph a copy of his sex tape on VHS. Anyway, I hope Crankshaft gets arrested and imprisoned for a long time.
Frazz: It’s the solstice, dummy. You know, the big pagan holiday. Since these two no doubt sneer at every established mainstream religion on earth, you’d think Caulfield would have this day circled in red like Frazz does.
JP: What a break! The news story Sam wanted to see began the very instant he looked for it. I love when that happens. Or, I will.
MW: Uh-oh, June Brigman has pulled a Gil Thorp. The bowler in panel 1 is striding on the wrong leg. A guy could get hurt that way.
CS: Crankshaft is feeling great about himself because he’s returning a cherished item he stole from Ralph 15 years ago. What a prick.
MW – Yet another jacked musclehunk. Methinks Brigman irl has a “type.”
Where’d Dawn get the brown eyes? Her mother is an icy Nordic blonde and her father is mayo-white Wilbur.
@Baja Gaijin: I never knew Cunther was that well hung.
@Baja Gaijin: I don’t know. My suspension of disbelief gets broken by Wormcock Gunnie.
@Cleveland Mocks:
I was JUST thinking that something looked “off” about pink bowling man, and you nailed it!
RMMD: “Well, I’ve certainly learned my lesson, Doctor Morgan. From now on I’m packin’ heat.”
MW: “Hey, big boy, would you like me to rub your balls for luck?”
@astroboy:
@Cleveland Mocks: I was JUST thinking that something looked “off” about pink bowling man, and you nailed it!
Thanks, astroboy, but Scratchy got there first!
GA – Arty still did better than not-Elon-Musk’s simulacrum in the Phantom. At least Arty GOT to Mars rather than just hallucinating abound it in some earthly jungle until his battery died! As for the lesson? Yes, “witches produce more reliable outcomes than tech bros” is reasonable. It’s not that technology isn’t inherently better than magic, but rather that tech bros practice technology as if it were magic, and are complte N00Bs at it compared with the people working in millenias old magical traditions.
MW: Dawn’s bowling name is ‘A.Horndog’.
MW: Dawn is dressed in a frumpy hoodie & her her hair looks like she cuts it herself w/o a mirror, while Cathy is lookin’ mighty … perky. I think one can guess where Bowling Hunk’s attentions will land. Rayher than a new beau for Dawn, I see a vacant bed in the poor chimney-corner, and a crying-pillow without an owner, carefully preserved.
‘Rather’
MW: The budding romance will be cut short when Mr Hunk slips in Dawn’s puddle of drool and his ball lands on his balls.
GA: What can be said about art in which children and old people are indistinguishable? Or worse yet, when their faces morph from panel to panel?
JP:. Remember Mary Tyler Moore show, and the blowhard anchor Ted Baxter with his blow dry hair, deep voice, and puffed out chest? He’s back! Panel 1.
As for Ann she’s given her family valuable peace of mind as Randy futilely looks for z legal defense. Law and Judge Parker– who’d have ever thought we’d see them together.
GA: Did these kids suddenly become middle-aged? Man, that is one wicked doll!
Don Abundio, translated:
“What a terrible traffic jam! Look at all these bourgeois idiots!”
“What a shame… We’re going to miss the Godard film festival!”
“No. We’re actually in ‘Weekend'”
“Would you rather be screwed by Mao or Johnson?”
MW — Elsewhere in Santa Royale, Mary’s meddle-sense is tingling. “Dawn is attracted to a guy with orange balls? This must be stopped AT ONCE!!”
GT:
‘Whoop Whoop Yeet!
Whoop Whoop Yeet!
Buddy you’re a boy
Make a big noise playin’
in the street gonna be a big man someday!’
@Cleveland Mocks:
On Frazz : I could have sworn that last year/in the last 18 months, there was a bit where Caufield acted super-pedantic about the Solstice (or was it the Equinox), pointing out it doesn’t happen on the exact calendar day it’s widely agreed to happen on, and how it’s actually more noticeable at the Equator rather than wherever the strip is set, etc.
…Maybe the idea is that Caufield KNOWS(/remembered, after darkness fell in the mid-afternoon) it’s the Solstice today, but he has no interest/enthusiasm about it, because the little genius only cares about stuff if HE’s the one to bring it up, if someone brings up something TO him, he’ll dismissively ignore it?
**************
On Crankshaft : I’m going with the more charitable “Crankshaft is giving Ralph Meckler a nice Christmas gift : something he promised he’d do for him DECADES ago (transfer an old home movie to a more modern format), and that he’s only doing now that it’s too late (ie VHS have been obselete/unsupported for a DECADE now)”.
Also, the fact that he’s doing it by pure coincidence (he just randomly found the tape today while cleaning)Hi and Lois: I guess we can all drop the “Chip Flagstone is Thirsty Thurston’s illegitimate son!” line of thinking. Bangs-in-the-eyes just happens to be THE look for about one out of five kids in that town. Most grow out of it; some (Thirsty, Beetle) never do.
GA: About like a toothache? So, slightly more than you would miss a toothache, or less? Would you say you miss it exactly as much as a canker sore or a little bit less than an abscess? Look, it’s either focus on this or contemplate the demon doll staring into my soul.
GT: I would advise Henry Barajas to follow the example of works such as West Side Story, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Heathers and invent his own slang rather than try to keep up with what The Kids These Days are saying. It might sound weird and forced (remember “roadside” or “solo car date”?), but anything is better than watching him try to figure out the appropriate syntax for “yeet.”
MW: I suppose he is, if you compare him to the sort of men who hang around Charterstone and who are Dawn’s primary experience with the male gender. It’s like Miranda seeing Ferdinand after spending her entire life on a deserted island with her weird dad and some kind of hideous man-beast. (Though in Dawn’s case, her dad slots neatly into both descriptions.)
Having just watched Kingpin makes me suspicious that Handsome is a bowling hustler.
Handsome: “What do you say we make this interesting?”
Dawn (with Mary Worth‘s head floating above her): “I’d rather not.”
Hi And Lois: Oh no, Lois is absorbing all the light around her to ascend into godhood, draining the surroundings of color!
Gil Thorp: I know not to expect a lot from this new Gil Thorp artist, but did they really have to draw the second panel in a way that makes it look like Marty is getting fucked in the ass by the cop?
Mary Worth: …Wait, they ACTUALLY just left the robot to die on Mars? What the fuck, dude?
Mary Worth: Oh boy, can’t wait to see what stripe of weird puritan asshole this new character is. My money’s on him being the kind of guy who beats his girlfriends’ to near-death if they so much as look at another guy while also constantly making jokes about cheating on their lover, and Moy will be completely on his side.
MW: “THIS IS NOT A DRILL”
Hardly a difficult prediction when most of Dawn’s relationships go unconsummated.
H&L – Oh come let us abhor them….
GT – YEET* – *You Exhibit Eccentric Tendencies….
GA – Ida Givasheet….
MW – I wanna handle his balls….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Bob Tice: Got the reference! *glances around* Oh well, guess its just you and me then…
C’shaft: “I found this dirty old VCR tape that I don’t want anymore so I’m wrapping it up and giving it to you. Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
JP: “I’m Peter Graves, and this is Biography.”
Luann: Look, just get her bath salts. If you’re this oblivious about a woman, you give her bath salts.
RMMD: It’s not a Rex Morgan story unless someone is contemplating how much better they are than the stock villains.
Maybe the play gets into the good part the Bible leaves out where Mary convinces her husband that they shouldn’t have sex yet, then comes to him later with news of her miracle pregnancy.
Looking forward to the “Arty assimilates a Mars rover and returns to Earth for vengeance” plotline
@Giant Pondering Otter: There was the one where Dawn was whining about her mother in vague and cagey ways.
@Cleveland Mocks: Thanks for the nod. And it’s great that it made both of us think of Gil Thorp. Great minds . . .
Who is Ann?
@taig: Re: Mary Worth: Maybe that’ll be Dawn’s opening. “I’m an expert at handling balls, sir. Let me show you my techniques!”
H&L: Ditto could ask his “father” Hi for suggestions on how to play the world’s biggest cuck.
Mary Worth turned into Zippy the Pinhead so suddenly, we hardly knew what to do. (To be fair, Dawn has always been a pinhead.)
@mvg: Ok, y’all need to stop dissing Dawn’s hair. She’s just paying tribute to her favorite mid-90’s album Jagged Little Edges. (“‘Go down on you in a theater’? Sing it, sister, I’ve been there!“)
Repeating a question from yesterthread for visibility: Has anyone seen or heard from Voshkod lately? He seems to have slipped out of circulation lately. DM me if necessary.
GIL THORP: The cops could tell that Marty Moon was drunk off his ass simply by that bowl cut.
GIL THORP (2): Yo, Holmes, this comic is starting to get wiggety-wiggety-whack, yo!
@31 Baja Gaijin:
What fun! What whimsy! Everybody gets to bowl!
But really, who are those characters in #1? And I don’t mean Cathy and Dawn.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Alan’s daughter, Randy’s brother, confirmed scam artist, unconfirmed murderer. She was gone for twenty years in-universe (and something like 60 years IRL, apparently) and returned last Christmas where she got into hijinks that ended with her former partner and husband dead in bizarre circumstances with her as the only suspect (even though Randy should arguably be a suspect as well, but that never came up because Marciuliano didn’t think of it).
Gasoline Alley – all this time I’ve been pronouncing “Aubee” as “ow bee” in my mind. Is it “ow bee” or “ah bee”? My Missouri childhood could be the problem here.
Mary Worth: the Brigman artist really likes to draw prows on steamships, if you know what I mean. They haven’t had a good Charterstone story arc wrap up Pool Party since Brigman came on board, have they? That would be better than the Luann high school wrap up pool party where all the stupider characters made their last appearances.
Zits Spanish to English.
GT – Wait, Yeet-Saying Teen’s name is Oscar? That’s not right at all. If the only thing he can say is “yeet,” his name has to be Yeet. Have these people never seen Grape Ape?
H&L: Why on earth is Dot so put out? Is she not happy playing the role of one of the Angels of the Annunciation? Did she audition for the role of Mary and flubbed it? Was she denied the role of a shepherd because she’s a girl? (Note to the play producers: there were shepherdesses in ancient times, yo…) Are her costume wings too tight? Is she just fed up with Ditto? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
My theory for why Dot cares/looks so upset is that she knows all the other kids are smiling in mockery. “Ditto,” she wants to say, “We’re already known as the wussiest family on the block. For our sweet lord’s sake, show some balls here.”
@Doc Wonmug: #72
I pronounce it “Awbee” like “Audrey” but we’ll likely never know until “Gasoline Alley: The Movie” comes out.
MW – Bonus Slylock Fox fun activity: Count all the large round objects lined up in panel 1.
Mary Worth: “DAWN IS ALL HORNT UP … EVACUATE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY! … THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! … EVACUATE THE BOWLING ALLEY!!! … RUN IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!!!! … I REPEAT, DAWN IS ALL HORNT UP!!!1!
@jroggs: Thanks. In all the time I’ve been around here and reading this, I still have no or little idea what’s going on.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I hope he’s okay. And Voshkudos to you for caring and asking. I hope we’ll soon be back to getting real Voshkudos from the originator of them.
MW: The weird noses in MW never fail to fascinate some of us, meaning me. Dawn’s sniffer, which looks so modest in Panel One, is pointed in Panel Two. Yes, pointed, I tellz ya! Look at it! It’s better than having a small potato stuck on her face like her father, but it is still bizarre.
Hi & Lois – In a Beverly Cleary book (I think it was Henry Huggins), the teacher assigned the protagonist the role of the family’s cute little boy in the school Christmas program. The little boy had to wear pajamas and say cute dialogue. Henry was horrified. In the days before the program, he had a mishap involving getting splashed all over with green paint. To the teacher’s dismay, she had to reassign the cute little boy part. Since Henry was green, he was recast as an elf, to his great delight.
My point? Beverly Cleary knew how to write an interesting story, and, more importantly, knew how to make the story even more compelling, because she understood children.
Hi & Lois, you are no Beverly Cleary.
FC – He could address him formally as Mr. Claus.
Aunty Acid – Baja should avoid this.
Rex Morgan – He has no idea why the guys tried to rob him and stabbed him in the attempt. Maybe they were bored and just wanted something to do. However, to be fair, everyone reading this was bored but didn’t go on a robbery spree.
Mary Worth – I laughed out loud at hunky bowler’s muscled up arms. Here we go.
Arlo & Janis – This week’s strips have been wonderful, a really sweet story about buying Christmas gifts for the family.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Agreed!!
MW: We all know June has her issues when it comes to drawing cell phones in use, but give her credit, she can depict a might attractive pair of jugs.
@I speak Jive: You are so right about H&L. I really do like the protagonists of A & J, especially Luddie. But if Jimmy Johnson wanted to switch over to featuring his own growing-up for the entire rest of his cartooning career, that would be fine with me.
Baby Blues: “I organized all the porn on your phone, does mom know what you’re into”?
Pluggers: Chickens don’t have lips. Also, Pluggers are kind of whoreish.
Dustin: “I’m jealous of those NFL players that suffer frequent head trauma, at least they have some kind of excuse for why they can’t function in society”
Curtis: Do American cruise ships go to China? Curtis is trying to sell his parents to human traffickers.
Slylock Fox: There has to be some inbreeding with Santa’s elves, right? Either that or they are cloned in a lab.
Dennis the Menace: Mrs Wilson is finally committing her husband to an institution. I hope he’ll get the help he needs.
@Poteet: Whoops, I meant A&J. This, after recently mixing up ALICE and GEARHEAD GERTIE. Yeeesh. If this gets worse, I may switch to lurker status.
FG/JP: Dale only graduated with her MRS degree, but she’s already a better attorney than Randy.
Tomorrow: Dale and Flash legally skewer Chief Kala with an ingrown Toa nail.
(FG subtext: The Lion Men’s old Thought Projectors only work between two persons who have fucked)
Dale’s discovery — Toa Law subhead 16:7a: “Shark Men taste great marinated in olive oil and lemon, split and grilled over a hot open fire. Don’t forget the tartar sauce.”
GA: Josh, the evil doll is called Ida Noe. Your version, “Ida Knoe,” is of course more clever and appropriate for the meaning of the doll’s name. But Ida Noe is a character in GA. Cleverness is for those sophisticates over in Hootin’ Holler.
@70 Sequitur: They’re characters from Bizarro. Did I mess up the mise-en-scène?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Anacyclosis Parker!
@Poteet: Dawn’s nose has been noticeably weird — non-Euclidean angles — since this story arc began. Reason #617 Cathy will get laid first.
”Which one do you want, Luke?” “The pretty one, Bo.” “The one with the wavy hair, great rack, and normal nose?” “Chill, Bo…the other one won’t be so bad if you make her wear a bag over her nose.”
Blondie: Today’s strip looks like a magic eye 3D puzzle. I was hoping that achieving the stereoscopic effect would reveal a punchline.
@Bob Tice: Are you a lawyer?
MW – Cathy really shouldn’t stand next to the ball rack like that. Some nearsighted bowler might try to grab a part of her anatomy and hurl it down the lane.
(I’m referring to her huge, round head, of course! Get your mind out of the gutter before it gets run over by Dawn’s bowling ball.)
@Chance:
I am!
@Bob Tice: Well, then, what’s your take on FG’s Toa’s Law?
(There ought to be some highly atrocious puns that can be made; but be careful not to stub your Toa)
@Doc Wonmug: When the kid was born, one of the characters said “Well, I’ll be” so that’s what they named him. Too stupid? Obviously nothing is too stupid for GA.
BB: I suppose kudos are in order for the Walkers attempting something artsy, but to me the silhouette looks like the General is about to suckle on Mrs. Halftrack’s giant nipple. Your mileage may vary.
Luann – The issue with this is that it completely ignores the fact that Brad knows that Toni would love a hot rod T-Shirt, because they’re both into muscle car restoration and this is something longtime readers will recall. But of course that also ignores the fact that TJ helped Brad restore his Nova, and that didn’t end in anyone having an orgasm either.
@I speak Jive: I still stand by my theory that in her “The Mouse and his Motorcycle Books” Ralph the Mouse’s motorcycle was an artifact of doom, as it was very gradually tearing his family apart, alienating Ralph from his parents and siblings, caused him to keep running away from home getting into wacky misadventures.
But the main focus was the misadventures, I don’t believe the whole “family tearing apart” thing was ever resolved. As there were only three books.