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Mark Trail, 5/14/26

Many years ago, we were visiting Vancouver during the delightful summer months, and in Stanley Park we encountered … like, a lot of raccoons, and they were uncomfortably bold. At one point a woman who was pushing a baby in a stroller was approached by a pair of the creatures, and she stepped away from the stroller so she could get a pic of her infant with the raccoons, who were quite close to the child and could’ve easily grabbed them and taken off into the forest before anyone could’ve stopped them. My wife and I discussed whether the kid would grow up to the be Sovereign Ruler of the Raccoon Kingdom, or would instead simply become that day’s lunch. But I don’t think there would be any such debate about Rusty. That boy doesn’t have a kingly bone in his body, but he has a decent amount of meat on his bones.

Pluggers, 5/14/26

I’m glad we’ve all moved way past hack jokes like “an old person needs a child to open a childproof cap for them,” and pluggers’ grandkids stopped speaking to them a while ago anyway. No, we’ve just landed on the chicken-lady with a facial expression that says “God damn it open you piece of shit, I need these pills to live” while the caption says “Pluggers are as incompetent as little babies.”

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B.C., 4/30/26

I guess I hadn’t really given it a ton of thought, but before today, if asked to describe the relationships between the various character species of B.C., like the humans and mid-sized animals and the ants, I would’ve described them as operating on different planes or scales of existence, largely unaware of each other’s sapience. The idea that the anteater, say, would stick his tongue into an anthill not merely driven by instinct to find food but fully aware that he was devouring alive a group of children who had come together to learn outdoor survival skills and experience fellowship is a deeply upsetting one. But it turns out that’s the reality of this disturbing universe.

Gearhead Gertie, 4/30/26

You can tell that this guy has been Gertie’s neighbor for years. He isn’t just saying “Hey! What the heck? Why are you ramming into my riding mower with your riding mower?” Instead, by necessity he’s embarked on a journey of self-education, learning all sorts of NASCAR minutiae simply to understand this old lady’s actions and motivations.

Mark Trail, 4/30/26

DAMN YOU TRIXIE!!! STOP ENTRANCING THE HORNY OLD MEN OF THE COMICS WITH YOUR AI-ENHANCED CLEAVAGE

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Mark Trail, 2/18/26

Mark has been invited to Las Vegas to compete in the Woodsman Olympics, a Trailiverse competition that somehow has avoided a nuclear lawsuit from the actual Olympics, and Rusty is up to his old foolish antics, sneaking into forbidden areas of his hotel’s garden. And you’re probably wondering, how much trouble could he possibly get up to, since he’s still on hotel grounds? Well, you never know, maybe the hotel uses a secluded wooded area on its property as an exclusive gaming zone for high rollers and Rusty is going to end up in the entourage of one of the Emir of Dubai’s less reputable nephews. Or maybe they just let the tigers from the main stage show roam around out there and he’s going to get mauled.

Judge Parker, 2/18/26

Oh, man, do you want to know how brutal and hardcore the ice prison where Randy is being held captive is? Well, his captors have gotten wind of his plots to escape, so he’s been forced to go to this nice, warm office and listen to the warden give a pissy lecture about how you’re not actually allowed to escape from this prison. He also isn’t handcuffed or anything and there don’t appear to be any guards present. So it’s not particularly brutal, is what I’m saying.

Mary Worth, 2/18/26

“Yeah, how would that work? I guess I’d have to spend less time over there, ha ha! I mean … oh no.”