Metapost: Gonna comment all up in your week, baby
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Yeah, man! It’s the COTW! And it goes a little something … like this!
“It’s been obvious for a while that these two aren’t humans exactly, but today provides a little more insight into their biology. So far we can describe them as small oviparous homonids lacking teeth, probably an adaptation to the rocky crags where they evolved, preying in seabird nests.” –pugfuggly
And the very funny runners up are here too!!!!
“Round up the kids in detention, we’re taking them to The Museum of Art Puns to suffer.” –nescio
“We are such social animals that anyone deprived of human companionship will slowly go insane, even if the human whose companionship they’re deprived of is Ian Cameron.” –matt w
“Hang him from where, troops? HANG HIM FROM WHERE?” –Tabby Lavalamp
“I had believed until last week that Greg was the guy at the DMV who told you that you were missing a piece of documentation after you stood in line for an hour and that you had to go get it and stand in the line again. But then we learned he’s the guy who tells teenagers they can’t have their licenses because they bumped the curb parking. Why does he even NEED coffee for a day filled with such joy?” –richardf8
“‘The kid is onto me,’ thinks Greg. ‘I just pray he never finds out whose boot it was.’” –Peanut Gallery
“Hootin’ Holler still uses snow and ice to preserve food, as electricity is rare and service is spotty. Lil Sparky just ate a family’s entire vitamin supply for a week, and they will now suffer even worse malnutrition than the average Holler resident.” –Philip
“I’m always fascinated by the crystal ball Shoe strips. All of the characters are bitter cynics, so why do they keep going to crack wise at the local fortune teller? Is this what people resorted to in the days before social media let you mock WitchTok from the comfort of your own couch?” –Schroduck
“Thirsty yearns for the olden times that he’s never experienced but has heard about, when beer was considered ‘liquid bread,’ a way to quickly, easily, and safely hydrate and obtain necessary calories at the same time. This is not comical, this is a tragic tale of a man born three hundred years too late.” –Tom
“What’s that you say? You have ‘evidence’ before you secure an indictment? You say you wait for indictments before executing rough street justice? You say your suspects are not grotesquely deformed, with too on-the-nose names? My, my, my. To each their own, I suppose. [Caressing pistol trigger lovingly] I sure hope he turns out to be a clown, though.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“Which is a euphemism for what really happens. They fuck. Each other. Constantly and interchangeably. This is Hollywood, kid. You’re too young to understand this now, but it won’t be long before curiosity leads you to flip through the supermarket pages of People and the National Enquirer and all will be revealed.” –cheech wizard
“Those corks indicate each of these wines have been opened. Is ‘Clea-ar-ance’ located in the BacqueWash region of Frawnce?” –Virginia
“His doctor has long given up on him. His wife is checking his life insurance policy. He knows his diet is killing him, but he cannot stop. ‘Next time,’ he promises himself, but ‘next time’ will never come. His fate is sealed as the future body at an open casket funeral where a dog man asks his wife ‘who is this for again?’ and the caption is ‘You’re a plugger if you’ve been to so many funerals, you’ve lost track.’” –Old Man Shadow
“The guy totally in shadow with the mysterious, ominous axiom — he’s death, right? The only reason Herb is smiling is that he’s come for Jamaal.” –Lawyerbob
“Oh, right, my bucket list included seeing a sunset. Welp, there it is. Time to die.” –Voshkod
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