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The Phantom, 7/15/26

Ahh, it looks like the promised Nomad-Python supervillain teamup really is happening, coordinated by the mysterious “Ignis Vindicta” (JUST KIDDING HE IS NOT MYSTERIOUS HE IS CLEARLY OBVIOUS ELON MUSK STANDIN “IAN MOLLUSK” WEARING A MASK). Anyway, it’s kind of funny that freeing the Nomad involved elaborately working through a web of corruption in order to extract him from Guantanamo Bay, something only someone extremely wealthy and connected could do, whereas freeing the Python just required sending some mid-range drones to blow up the big open-air cage they keep him in. Sounds like someone could’ve done that a while ago, if they had shown any initiative!

Mark Trail, 7/15/26

Meanwhile, just as Mark’s dad is trying to get married to his scam gorilla sanctuary catfish girlfriend, Rusty’s raccoon adventure has descended into full-on folk horror. Back off, scouts! Dunno if they give out a badge for “recognizing when your friend has rabies and is beginning to succumb to madness,” but your friend has rabies and is definitely beginning to succumb to madness!

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Shoe, 7/14/26

I appreciate that this joke could’ve worked fine by just saying that ol’ Uncle Herm was a lousy bowler; but no, we also gotta work in the fact that he was a big drunk as well. It’s nice to see the Perfesser is continuing the family tradition of nephews having a semi-close relationship with their alcoholic uncles. Will Skyler make visits to the graveyard to leave flowers on his tombstone when he dies, an event that, based on his general vibes, always seems imminent?

Dennis the Menace, 7/14/26

“The only motivations other people have for doing things all involve their feelings about me, the main character of reality” is admittedly a pretty menacing attitude to go through life with. You have to hand it to Dennis today, menace-wise!

Pluggers, 7/14/26

“Even the small bits of pleasure pluggers once took in everyday life have been transformed into nagging, painful reminders of their failing bodies.” —Pluggers, the comic strip beloved (???) by pluggers everywhere

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Hagar the Horrible, 7/13/26

In The City of God, St. Augustine famously tells a story of a pirate who had been captured by Alexander the Great: “When that king had asked the man what he meant by keeping hostile possession of the sea, he answered with bold pride, ‘What do you mean by seizing the whole earth? Because I do it with a petty ship, I am called a robber, while you who does it with a great fleet are styled emperor.’” Now, Augustine’s point is that a king who rules without virtue is simply a brigand on a larger scale; but Hagar, whose opinions on the new religion from the south are mixed at best, takes the harder-headed view, more common among modern commentators, that recognizes the similarities between states and criminal enterprises without necessarily applying moral valence to it. The king is stronger than Hagar, so he must submit to his cruelties, but he also looks forward to passing them down the line to his own victims.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/13/26

So Lyle Ollman, the inventor of the Mirakle Method, is the grandfather of the scam twins Jean and Jane, and Rene/Jimmy is their uncle, but Lyle is also Rene’s uncle and … I don’t think that really works? I guess it works if whichever of Lyle’s children is a parent to the twins married someone whose sibling married Rene in a weird sibling/cousin double marriage situation, but Rene doesn’t seem like the marrying kind; it could also be that one of Rene’s siblings married his or her own first cousin to produce these two kids. It’s also possible that this whole family suffers from intense, multigenerational nephewism and nobody has any parents at all: it’s just uncles as far back as anyone can remember.

Andy Capp, 7/13/26

“Yeah I’m trying to lose some ugly excess weight … by which I mean my spouse, whom I hate!” is a classic and beloved joke format of course, and I suppose it was inevitable that it would get a GLP-1 spin eventually, but I don’t think anyone expected it to happen in Andy Capp first.