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We in the USA are heading into our three-day wekeend, and hopefully all of us won’t find it to be too much work to enjoy this week’s top comment:

“I don’t get you, Belluso. You have no empathy for strangers, but you do for close members of your family? Maybe it’s the several blows to the head I take each day in our ritualistic prison beatings, but it makes no sense!” –Dan

Truly it’s a gift to have an extra day to contemplate these hilarious runners up!

“As I understand it, the reason computer prices keep rising is a worldwide shortage of a critical component: napalm.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“‘I told Wilbur recently that I’m proud of Dawn for helping Tommy with his sobriety,’ Mary says as she polishes off her second glass of wine and signals the waiter to keep ’em coming.” –Charterstoned

“Love how in the first panel Mary is talking to her ostensible boyfriend, with whom she can be relaxed and intimate, yet her thanks sound like the kind of stilted, ‘I have to fill up this whole thank you card with words, but also would like to end it as quickly as possible’ vibe of a child’s letter written under duress.” –Chance

“Thank you for making me a better man, Mary! I’ve become holy, almost monk-like, at least as far as the abstinence thing goes.” –cheech wizard

“Grandma so broke she can only buy Cheerio.” –pershing48, on BlueSky

“This Pluggers represents a new low … for me. I saw that this plugger had coordinated his T-shirt and his sneakers and thought, ‘God, I wish my life were that together.’ So, yeah, I’m now an aspiring plugger.” –Joe Blevins

“I always wondered how the characters in this strip managed their perfectly-timed synchronized laughs, and now we know: hours of practice with Mary. Don’t worry about your busy schedule, she’ll come to you and we can do it in the car.” –pugfuggly

“So Katherine isn’t the mother of Alan’s children? And Neddy and Sophie are foundlings or something? Does anyone have biological children in this strip or is marriage strictly an institution for providing a second caregiver for the products of parthenogenesis?” –matt w

“‘It’s mathematically impossible for you to be behind me 200%. 100% is the most anyone can be.’ ‘Honey, I can tell you’re gonna be a great judicial whatever-it-was.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Let’s do what we do best, shall we, Window Ghost Twin? Hopefully they never find out about you, or enrollment might have to dip even further.” –The Man With The Plan

“Alice has learned about the ‘New World Order’ conspiracy theory, I guess. Or maybe Hulk Hogan’s New World Order wrestling stable. Either way, I’m not sure her 75% increase in monthly internet viewing has been good for her.” –Schroduck

“Pluggers never forgot to cut open the lung cavity before weighing down the body at multiple attachment points — to account for both bloating and rot — but somehow they can’t take it upon themselves to desecrate their victim’s John Deere hat.” –Anonymous

“I don’t know who this person is talking to Tracy, but I am curious about what they’re wearing under that jacket and badge. That elaborately draped white cloth looks like a barber’s cape, or possibly a wedding gown, and makes me wonder what they were in the middle of before they got suddenly called in to investigate a coffee shop bombing.” –Rita Lake

“One of the problems with AI is that it’s designed to provide positive reinforcement and feedback to the user, even in cases where the user is mistaken, misguided, actively contemplating harm to themselves or others, etc. But this is the world of Dustin, where everyone hates everyone else and the title character in particular, so the chatbots have adapted accordingly.” –TheDiva

“‘Something up, Tracy?’ ‘Yeah, my eyebrow! I’ve been practicing raising it, and I think I’ve really nailed it!’” –Lawyerbob

“Nelly furiously cannot use her eyebeams against Ian and Mary, as her powers are useless against the color mauve. How so many laughed at the purchase of a mauve car. Where’s your Easter Egg jokes now, losers!” –A Grave Mind

“You’d think someone who dresses and decorates entirely in 50 shades of grey would be a little more sex positive.” –Charterstone: Dune

“After weeks of endless talk about scamming the Morgans, the twins are about to leave town without actually doing anything at all? If anyone’s been scammed here, it’s the readers of Rex Morgan, M.D.” –BigTed

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Mary Worth, 9/4/26

Nelly Feneley has been spending all week seething about how terrible everything is these days, but we’ve been wondering how this would intersect with Ian and Mary laffing it up in the car. Well, here’s your answer! Nelly has decided that Ian and Mary are having sex! That sounds horrible, of course, but remember, Nelly thinks everything around her — food, dogs, the Charterstone condominium community — is bad. And what sort of sexual relationships would you think might occur in the worst of all possible worlds? Mary/Ian, right? Mary and Ian doin’ it on the reg would be a sure sign that you were living in hell, wouldn’t it? That you were being tormented with this knowledge by a wrathful God, for your many sins?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/4/26

Ah, well, it appears that the scam twins, having been repeatedly stymied in their attempts to make something interesting happen in Glenwood, are going to leave town. At least they’ve learned something, though, right? Well, no. But they’ve made an impression on the locals, and maybe taught them a thing or two? Also no.

Crankshaft, 9/4/26

A sassy pizza robot with a built in laser: another thing that syndicated newspaper cartoonists think is AI, but isn’t. But this might end with Ed Crankshaft being killed, with the aforementioned laser, so I’m willing to see how it plays out.

Shoe, 9/4/26

Ha ha, comics sure have changed over the years! In the early days of this strip in the ’80s, the punchline here would be about the Perfesser watching girls in leotards on his TV and getting horny. But now it’s in 2026, and the punchline is about how he has crippling depression.

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The Lockhorns, 9/3/26

I like how Leroy is delivering this line as he’s buttoning up his shirt. Like, sure, maybe he made some desperate promises when he was naked and Dr. Blog was poking and prodding at him, but now he’s regained his dignity enough to say “I’m not going to be following any of your advice because I hate myself and crave death, by the way.”

Dustin, 9/3/26

The most important thing about the advent of the Age of AI, from my perspective, is that I now have to deal with syndicated newspaper cartoonists who think they understand what AI is but don’t. Is AI a little man who sits in your computer and shares all your prejudices, and will gleefully add “LOL” to the resume of a feckless young person who, if he were real, you would hold in contempt? No! That’s not what AI is at all!

Dick Tracy, 9/3/26

“Yes, I’ll tell you what’s up … we’re tracking hackers and this guy’s name was Hackenschmidt. It must be related!” Sure, that’s incredibly stupid, but also he’s right, so we can only say that Dick has adapted to his narrative environment.