Post Content

Dick Tracy, 10/14/26

Dick Tracy has a new artist, longtime Tracy superfan Howie Noel, and I am here to report that, in this house, we are now Howie Noel superfans, as this week has reliably delivered panel after panel of real fucked-up shit, which I mean in the most complimentary possible sense. A detective with a neanderthal-level brow ridge and free-flowing beads of sweat. A weird pinheaded nurse in an archaic outfit. A tiny man the size of a ventriloquist’s dummy, or possibly just an actual ventriloquist’s dummy that the nurse is operating. The tiny man/dummy has unpleasantly long fingernails, by the way. A+ all around!

Mary Worth, 10/14/26

OK, so, Toby is still crashing out over the entirely not real Ian/Mary rumors, but let’s look on the bright side for her: artistically, she’s moved on from her “hideous grey animal-shaped blobs” period to her “mawkish painted animal figurines” period, which should be more marketable if nothing else.

Beetle Bailey, 10/14/26

Look, I know that General Halftrack’s coffee tastes can’t possibly be what anyone would call sophisticated, but I refuse to believe that even the most skilled practitioner could make anything in that circa 1975 Mr. Coffee machine that would live up to the name “barista.”

Hi and Lois, 10/14/26

Oh, so Chip isn’t competent to babysit when Hi’s just trying to get some work done at the office, but he’s perfectly capable of doing so when Lois is horny, huh? Interesting. Interesting.

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 10/13/26

It looks like we’re approaching the final Borys Orlov vs. Adrian Blatz showdown we’ve all been waiting for, but first, a little background on Borys: he may not remember the sound of Russian munitions raining down on his war-torn homeland, but he does remember a name, a name that echoed on the wind that blew across the Eurasian steppe. “Gil Thorp,” he heard, even as a child, even before he could understand what the syllables mean, what a name was. “Gil Thorp.” As geopolitics fell into violent chaos around him, he only had ears for that name, that mysterious name, “Gil Thorp,” that he somehow knew, without knowing how he knew, denoted his destiny.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/13/26

Ha ha, remember Mussolini? The guy who invented fascism, ruled Italy with an iron fist for decades, allied with Hitler, and ended up executed by partisans at a gas station? Well, what if there were a restaurant named after him? They’d probably have a dish with a name that punned on the word “dictator,” because Mussolini was a dictator, ha ha! Also, they’d probably have another dish that punned on “Benito,” which was Mussolini’s first name. Anyway, don’t think too hard about the type of guy who would open a restaurant named “Mussolini’s,” unless you want to completely ruin your day.

Post Content

Hi and Lois, 10/12/26

I admit that, as a non-kid-haver, I’m not fully up on the ages at which kids are allowed to be left on their own and/or put in charge of their siblings these days, and I’m given to understand that this has shifted since I was a teen, but still: Chip is old enough to watch his siblings, right? Or at least not be dragged along to the office with other kids? This question sent me down a rabbit hole trying to figure out Chip’s age and the amount of freedom his parents allow him, and I’m here to report that he’s learning how to drive, goes on unsupervised dates to the movies, and takes his little brother along on walks around the neighborhood, which you’d think would be enough evidence to make today’s antics unnecessary. On the other hand, at one point he told Dot about Studio 54, which might’ve led to her asking some questions that ultimately resulted in a lot of privileges being revoked.

Judge Parker, 10/12/26

Oh, hey, remember how April was going to pick up Charlotte and take her to school? Well, she never showed up, and the reason why is that she got scooped up off the street and taken to a CIA black site somewhere. I guess they’re calling black sites “regional offices” now, to present a more professional, more chill, less terrifying kind of branding to the outside world. That’s not how most of the US government is doing things currently, but the security services always zag when everyone else is zigging, you know?

Alice, 10/12/26

Big news about Alice’s car saga: Remember when she said that today’s cars were too expensive and didn’t need all that stuff, but then rented a car and backslid and said she could get very spoiled with all the new features, but then later declared her current 25-year-old car “perfect” because it had “no technology” and got her where she wanted to go? Well, it seems she bought a new car after all, and she likes it, but she misses the simplicity of the old car, and the old price tag too. Who could’ve predicted this? You could’ve, Alice! I’ve assembled incontrovertible evidence that you predicted every aspect of the mess in which you find yourself! You have no excuse!