The Comics Curmudgeon

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25

I personally would not give Garfield access to a phone. Nothing good could come of it

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Slylock Fox, 1/21/26

One of the things that truly sets people apart from animals is that our enormous brains are too large when fully formed to pass through a human birth canal, which means that much of that brain formation happens after birth and we’re basically helpless for the first few years of life, unlike newborns of most species. A baby chicken would indeed “instinctively step upwards as the sand rises,” whereas a baby human would simply cry pathetically as the sand buried them. This may have been a particular advantage to the non-humans in their great rise during the Animalpocalypse, as even their very young could participate in their war of extermination against H. sapiens. The mechanism by which they gained sapience despite their tiny skulls is still unknown, and Count Weirdly should probably be putting his scientific acumen towards answering that question rather than trying to sell fake honey-making machines or whatever.

Intelligent Life, 1/21/26

Say what you will about Intelligent Life, the strip where a character will say in all seriousness that “2026 is going to be huge for movies,” and then use as a data point the upcoming release of the most bottom-dwelling “who on Earth is the for” garbage you can imagine, but at least it got me to research a little and learn that Skeletor will be played by box-office poison Jared Leto, which I have to say brightened my day a little.

Garfield, 1/21/26

Garfield’s contempt for Jon, Odie, and indeed most other characters in the Garfiverse is an integral part of his whole vibe. But is his contempt justified? That’s a whole different question. Today we learn that, within his own reality, an objective third-party source (an app, clearly the best determinant of truth) confirms his opinions on his superiority over others. Will this reinforcement of his beliefs unleash a wave of “cattitude” the likes of which the funny pages have never seen, to the delight of eight-year-olds everywhere?

151

Another think coming

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Herb and Jamaal, 1/20/26

Man, that’s a harrowing expression on Herb’s face. He just realized that he shouldn’t engage in thinking … and he can’t stop thinking about it! Much as he knows he should, nay, must stop thinking about it! Where’s Jamaal, Herb should not be left alone at the restaurant with his thoughts. His terrible, terrible thoughts.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/20/26

Oh wow, Rex’s cataract surgery has been delayed by several hours, leading to … sex? Sexual relations with his wife? Not since the great “Rex and June lying around in their underwear for a whole Sunday strip” incident of aught-eight has this strip teased something so risque. Too bad everything will just be all blurry for Rex so he won’t fully enjoy it! (Ha ha, just kidding, Rex doesn’t “enjoy” sex, because it involves sustained interaction with another human being, something he generally tries to avoid at all costs.)

Beetle Bailey, 1/20/26

Oh, wow, I know we’ve always assumed that Beetle just magically bounces back, cartoon-style, after Sarge beats him into a pile of goo, but in fact it appears that each beating is followed by several painful months of recovery in a hospital, with the abuser staring down at his victim the whole time. Grim stuff!

184

Twists and/or turns

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Mary Worth, 1/19/26

Last week, the main conflict of this Toby storyline — “Toby got a bird and Ian hated it” — was resolved as Ian submitted to Sunny’s charms. Now we can move on to the next storyli–wait, what’s this? Another bird has arrived? Bird number two? The bird drama continues, with two birds instead of one? This is an intriguing development! Will each new bird have to save Ian’s life in turn in order to be accepted into the flock?

Judge Parker, 1/19/26

Oh, hey, remember Randy’s long-lost sister Ann, who showed up in everyone’s lives again not that long ago only to eventually get sent to jail? Well, it looks like she’s once again reappeared in dramatic fashi–hold on, I’ve just read panel two, and it turns out that the fashion of her reappearance is not as dramatic as all that. Ah, well! Adjust your expectations accordingly.

Hi and Lois, 1/19/26

I’m really digging the dramatic change in Hi’s facial expressions between the two panels here. “Oh man, this is great! Wait, I’m supposed to be sober for whatever this is? Absolutely not.”