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Dustin, 8/17/26

Hey kids! Do you remember the Deepwater Horizon oil spill that dumped 150 million gallons of oil into the ocean? Well, that happened in April of 2010, which I regret to inform you all was more than 16 years ago. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for someone in their early 20s, as Dustin is supposed to be, to have a memory of this event that includes the total amount of oil spilled over the course of the disaster; I am saying that it’s a testament to the unparalleled period of peace and prosperity we’ve experienced since, given that this is Dustin’s go-to reference for “something world-historically bad happening” within his lifetime.

Crankshaft, 8/17/26

Hey, kids! Do you remember Funky Winkerbean, the comic strip that was originally about wacky high school students in Northeast Ohio who hung out at Montoni’s Pizza, but eventually came to be about depressed adults in Northeast Ohio whose lives all revolved around Montoni’s Pizza in some way, before finally becoming about survivors living in a futuristic sci-fi Northeast Ohio hellscape where books were eradicated in “the burnings” and the last few precious copies are guarded by robots, with the status of Montoni’s Pizza being unclear? Anyway, long story short, Crankshaft hopes you do, because clearly the intention here is that Crankshaft sitting down and saying “a nice big slice of … Montoni’s Pizza” with an extremely knowing expression on his face will have all of us hootin’ and hollerin’ and yellin’ “got the reference” like we’re the live studio audience for Family Matters and Urkel just walked on set.

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Six Chix, 8/16/26

The Wednesday Chik has not given up on her mission to educate comics readers on the true nature of the afterlife, which is that everyone there is horny as all get-out. Your soul, after you ascend from this plane of base matter, will still want to fuck, and specifically will want to fuck Simon, known as Cephas or Peter, who holds the keys of the kingdom of heaven, so that whatever he binds on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever he looses on earth will be loosed in heaven. He’ll be wearing sunglasses for whatever reason.

Mary Worth, 8/16/26

Oh, uh, I guess despite Dawn’s cheery demeanor earlier this week, she has in fact fallen for Tommy’s roguish charms, and not just in a platonic way, I’m talking about the fact that she wants to bone him, and now she’s sad that Brandy, his long-term girlfriend who he never broke up with, is back in the picture, as symbolized by the dramatic single tear she’s dropping in the final panel. I guess we shouldn’t find this surprising, and in fact should be encouraged that she actually was able to hold it together emotionally for the length of this conversation.

Dennis the Menace, 8/16/26

I love that Dennis is just kind of silently lurking on the edges of this conversation, enjoying a juice box. “Seems like Mrs. Wilson is doing plenty of menacing at Mr. Wilson,” he’s thinking. “I’ll stick around just in case I need to jump in, but it looks like she’s got it handled for today.”

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Pluggers, 8/15/26

I’m a guy who does not like fancy coffee drinks but I also have limitless disdain for self-righteous “Hur hur I went to the fancy coffee drink place and ordered a plain black coffee to blow their little minds” boomerisms, so mostly what I want to focus on in this panel is that the son plugger looks terrible. Like there’s an ongoing Pluggers tension over whether “plugger” is a category with a complex and ever-changing socioeconomic definition or just a synonym for “old and busted,” and today’s panel is definitely landing on the latter. I guess we’re supposed to think of “That’s my boy” as meaning “That’s my boy, he’s the same kind of reactionary as me,” but it really looks more like he’s saying “That’s my boy, he really looks like shit.”

Herb and Jamaal, 8/15/26

So, uh, Jamaal joined a cult, I think? Must be difficult for Herb, with his best friend and business partner joining a cult. We can forgive him for being a little catty about it!