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Archie, 5/22/08

Oh, Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000! You’ve been doing so well for a while, almost convincing me that you were a biological life form of some sort, until I encountered today’s panel two, in which you demonstrate that you understand neither bipedal locomotion nor three-dimensional space. Don’t let your vacuum tubes overheat in despair, though: if you ever do a strip where Archie is doing some kind of ridiculous vaudeville-style dance, you’re all set.

(Hey, kids, cheer up the AJGLU 3000 by buying a shirt with its picture on it!)

Mark Trail, 5/22/08

Ah, first comes the kicking, and now comes the screaming, or at least the shouting, and of course the punching as well. Mark and Ponytailed Dognapper Guy spend panels two and three delighting us with a veritable ballet of pugilism, with Mark nimbly dodging his antagonist’s punch and then sending the ne’er-do-well artfully flying with a right cross of his own. But still, it’s panel one that really sets the mood here. Look at that big, easy grin on Mark’s face. Is there anything in this world he likes better than punching people in the jaw? He doesn’t really seem to enjoy spending time with his family, so I’m going to say no.

Mary Worth, 5/22/08

If Mary Worth is going to be the apex of some kind of doughy, pasty, late-middle-aged love triangle, I will rescind every mean thing I said about the boring and interminable flashback storyline. Yesterday Jeff was acting all big about Mary’s emotional mission of mercy with some other man, but that was before he found out she was canceling on him for the Bum Boat. You do not break a date with Jeff Corey when the Bum Boat is involved. Drag him back from Vietnam, humiliate his son, whatever, but the Bum Boat is the line that you do not cross.

Hi and Lois, 5/22/08

Get ready for a very special storyline, “Ditto gets rabies,” in next week’s Hi and Lois.

Pluggers, 5/22/08

The advantage of marrying a plugger is that you can be pretty sure that nobody else will try to have sex with your spouse. The downside is that you probably won’t want to either.