O come to the bowling alley and let us ADORE him
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Hi and Lois, 12/21/24
Hmm, Ditto, interesting: canonically, in the Bible, Joseph doesn’t have any lines (in the sense that no direct speech is attributed to him), while the shepherds actually do, at Luke 2:15. So you’re not making a ton of sense here, unless … your play’s script is heretical??? Are they teaching heresy in our schools and/or churches (not actually clear where this is taking place) now? I think it really says a lot about society and such. Giving Joseph lines. Hmph. The very idea!
Gil Thorp, 12/21/24
Now, normally, “Guy falls off the wagon and immediately gets into an altercation with the cops while the locally beloved idiot teen who says ‘yeet’ all the time looks on and sadly says ‘yeet’” would be the point at which said guy has truly hit rock bottom. But this is Marty Moon we’re talking about. He let loose a string of on-air profanities at a teenager in a pirate outfit! He lost a bunch of money making “friendly” golf bets with a guy who looks like Ben Franklin! He’s got a long way to fall, is what I’m saying.
Gasoline Alley, 12/21/24
Oh, man, I don’t think I realized that Ida Knoe the evil talking doll left Arty the AI to die in his crashed spaceship on the surface of Mars! Unlike the children, Arty doesn’t need oxygen to live, but his batteries will eventually run out, so he’ll have days or maybe even weeks alone to contemplate his own failures and how they led to his inevitable doom. Not sure if Ida Knoe left him there because she was jealous of him or because her magical powers of teleportation won’t work on something without a soul.
Mary Worth, 12/21/24
RED ALERT, REPEAT, RED ALERT
BOWLING HUNK CHRISTMAS WEEK STORYLINE IN MARY WORTH
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
175 replies to “O come to the bowling alley and let us ADORE him”
Hi and Lois:
“I want to do a book that lists all the law cases that other law cases are mentioned in, and I want to call it Shepherd’s Citations!”
MW-“Wow! That guy is more handsome than your average bowler.”
Gil Thorp-“This artwork is my problem.”
I thought the guy who grifted Marty looks more like Wilbur.
“Boy, he can really handle that 16-pound ball.” We all know that’s what Dawn is thinking.
Is there ever a Dawn storyline that DOESN’T involve her relationships?
Talk about one-note.
GA:
“About like a toothache!”
“But you don’t have any teeth. You’re always depicted in this strip as being in open-mouthed surprise, wonderment or stupor, and no teeth are ever displayed!”
MW: Dawn takes new boyfriend to meet her ex Jared and his GF. Hunky guy takes one look at Jared and leaves.
Tells dawn; “Sorry, Honey. There ain’t enough water in the river Jordon to wash that off ya.”
H&L: Even at his young age, Ditto doesn’t want to be seen as impotent.
H&L: Just look at Trixie as an angel. She’s thinking “God, I don’t want to be here.”
Hi and Lois: Funny, when Linus played a shepherd in his kids’ Christmas pageant, he had lines — the most famous lines in any TV holiday special ever! You know Linus, don’t you, Ditto? Comics character, a little younger than you, but 10 times smarter? That’s right, you’re well aware. Because I see your sister glaring at you, and if that’s not an imitation of a classic Lucy van Pelt fussbudget look, I don’t know what is.
Gasoline Alley: I’m pretty sure you can’t get rid of technology by sending it to Mars and hoping it stays there. I mean, not for at least another couple of decades, when the real Elon Musk figures out how to go there and take it all with him.
Mary Worth: I hope Dawn’s sexual daze passes quickly, because I’m pretty sure she’s about to hit the object of her lust in the head with a bowling ball.
H&L: “Um, Mrs. Flagston? We can discuss your casting grievances later, but for now could you please get off the stage and go back to your seat so the children can finish their play?”
GA: Holy cripes. I probably got bitter about a bad grade in school once or twice, but never to the point that I wished that someone who took the time to help me work on an assignment would be stranded on a distant uninhabitable planet for eternity. These kids are almost as evil as they look.
MW: Once again, Dawn’s lustful eyes descend upon the nearest male flesh with no attempt at discretion or restraint. If only we could figure out why she can’t maintain any of her romantic relationships.
JP: Wow, Anchor Lee Marvin just outpissyfaced the whole cast, and it’s only his first appearance!
RMMD: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of suburban punks with switchblades? The Street Sweeper knows!
MW: If this leads to a knock-down, drag-out catfight right there in the bowling alley, with Cathy and Dawn slipping and sliding all over the lane (“I saw him first!”) I will forgive this strip a lot.
Luann: I don’t know why I should be, but I’m strangely impressed that the Evansii got a whole week’s worth of strips out of freakin’ T-SHIRTS…
GT: Absent from his native tongue, Barajas is certainly fascinated by the word “Yeet” which ends in an alveolar voiceless plosive. It must be hard writing “thportths” dialogue when you pronounce all your esses with a lisp.
MW: I think Dawn meant to think “HUNG!!”
MW:
“Ceci n’est pas une boule de bowling.”
— R. Magritte
MW: If only Dawn would turn around, she could exclaim, “Wow…that pink guy is chasing his ball all the way down the bowling lane!”
Ah! A suitable mating partner!
MW: After his fifth gutter ball in a row, background guy tells Cathy to put a bra on.
MW- Clean up in lane 6 stat!
Pluggers- Chickens got lips!
H&L: Get it? He’s shy! Turns out kids really don’t want to say the darndest thing after all.
GT I really thought that this was Dick Tracy from that first panel, until I remembered that Two Face is a batman villain.
GA “Like a toothache! Not that we have to worry about that!” /they all open their mouths wide to reveal their weird gummy maws/
MW Dawn and her friend go to one of those hip new ‘open range’ bowling alleys where they don’t bother with stuff like ‘lanes’. There’s just a line of pins right across the opposite wall and you can aim at whichever ones you please.
MW:
“Judging by the jagged ends of your hair, Miss, I’m going to guess that you’re a devotee of the band ‘Split Enz’ !”
@Unca Bob: Dawn is squirting! The lane is compromised! Come quick!
MW- if she manages to land this guy, the only reason will be is that all the men of Santa Royale know that the chick with helmet hair is easy
You are right. Pink guy has just released his giant ball with his right hand but has his right leg forward. It doesn’t work that way. It’s as if they turned today’s strip over to Henry Barajas. If Cathy says, “YEET!” that will confirm it.
@Lord Flatulence: And she did.
GT: In Milford, pronouncing ‘Hic’ as “Hck” is grounds for arrest for public drunkenness.
HnL: Dot is so very, very disappointed in her brother.
GT: “Yeet?” “Yeet yeet.” “Yeet yeet yeet!” “Yeet yeet yeet yeet yeet Yeet yeet yeet.”
GA: M3GAN was less evil than this doll.
MW: The way Hunky McHunkface is holding that ball looks excruciating. It’s hard to find alley balls that fit your hand, and I suppose its triply difficult when you’re a hunk.
FC: “Or do I just say, ‘Hey, beeyotch, where my presents at?'”
FC: Billy pauses and says; “Hey, wait a minute. If Santa is real, how come we don’t have to write him ‘thank you’ letters?”
GA: “We should have done the research ourselves”???? Girls, you WENT TO MARS. You physically could not have done more research here!
Mary Worth Mashups: No extra panels!
Luann: I’d make a joke about Brad deciding on a dick pic for the T-shirt, but I realize this is Luann, and none of the characters have genitalia.
CS: However, I can make a joke about Crankshaft giving Ralph a copy of his sex tape on VHS. Anyway, I hope Crankshaft gets arrested and imprisoned for a long time.
Frazz: It’s the solstice, dummy. You know, the big pagan holiday. Since these two no doubt sneer at every established mainstream religion on earth, you’d think Caulfield would have this day circled in red like Frazz does.
JP: What a break! The news story Sam wanted to see began the very instant he looked for it. I love when that happens. Or, I will.
MW: Uh-oh, June Brigman has pulled a Gil Thorp. The bowler in panel 1 is striding on the wrong leg. A guy could get hurt that way.
CS: Crankshaft is feeling great about himself because he’s returning a cherished item he stole from Ralph 15 years ago. What a prick.
MW – Yet another jacked musclehunk. Methinks Brigman irl has a “type.”
Where’d Dawn get the brown eyes? Her mother is an icy Nordic blonde and her father is mayo-white Wilbur.
@Baja Gaijin: I never knew Cunther was that well hung.
@Baja Gaijin: I don’t know. My suspension of disbelief gets broken by Wormcock Gunnie.
@Cleveland Mocks:
I was JUST thinking that something looked “off” about pink bowling man, and you nailed it!
RMMD: “Well, I’ve certainly learned my lesson, Doctor Morgan. From now on I’m packin’ heat.”
MW: “Hey, big boy, would you like me to rub your balls for luck?”
@astroboy:
@Cleveland Mocks: I was JUST thinking that something looked “off” about pink bowling man, and you nailed it!
Thanks, astroboy, but Scratchy got there first!
GA – Arty still did better than not-Elon-Musk’s simulacrum in the Phantom. At least Arty GOT to Mars rather than just hallucinating abound it in some earthly jungle until his battery died! As for the lesson? Yes, “witches produce more reliable outcomes than tech bros” is reasonable. It’s not that technology isn’t inherently better than magic, but rather that tech bros practice technology as if it were magic, and are complte N00Bs at it compared with the people working in millenias old magical traditions.
MW: Dawn’s bowling name is ‘A.Horndog’.
MW: Dawn is dressed in a frumpy hoodie & her her hair looks like she cuts it herself w/o a mirror, while Cathy is lookin’ mighty … perky. I think one can guess where Bowling Hunk’s attentions will land. Rayher than a new beau for Dawn, I see a vacant bed in the poor chimney-corner, and a crying-pillow without an owner, carefully preserved.
‘Rather’
MW: The budding romance will be cut short when Mr Hunk slips in Dawn’s puddle of drool and his ball lands on his balls.
GA: What can be said about art in which children and old people are indistinguishable? Or worse yet, when their faces morph from panel to panel?
JP:. Remember Mary Tyler Moore show, and the blowhard anchor Ted Baxter with his blow dry hair, deep voice, and puffed out chest? He’s back! Panel 1.
As for Ann she’s given her family valuable peace of mind as Randy futilely looks for z legal defense. Law and Judge Parker– who’d have ever thought we’d see them together.
GA: Did these kids suddenly become middle-aged? Man, that is one wicked doll!
Don Abundio, translated:
“What a terrible traffic jam! Look at all these bourgeois idiots!”
“What a shame… We’re going to miss the Godard film festival!”
“No. We’re actually in ‘Weekend'”
“Would you rather be screwed by Mao or Johnson?”
MW — Elsewhere in Santa Royale, Mary’s meddle-sense is tingling. “Dawn is attracted to a guy with orange balls? This must be stopped AT ONCE!!”
GT:
‘Whoop Whoop Yeet!
Whoop Whoop Yeet!
Buddy you’re a boy
Make a big noise playin’
in the street gonna be a big man someday!’
@Cleveland Mocks:
On Frazz : I could have sworn that last year/in the last 18 months, there was a bit where Caufield acted super-pedantic about the Solstice (or was it the Equinox), pointing out it doesn’t happen on the exact calendar day it’s widely agreed to happen on, and how it’s actually more noticeable at the Equator rather than wherever the strip is set, etc.
…Maybe the idea is that Caufield KNOWS(/remembered, after darkness fell in the mid-afternoon) it’s the Solstice today, but he has no interest/enthusiasm about it, because the little genius only cares about stuff if HE’s the one to bring it up, if someone brings up something TO him, he’ll dismissively ignore it?
**************
On Crankshaft : I’m going with the more charitable “Crankshaft is giving Ralph Meckler a nice Christmas gift : something he promised he’d do for him DECADES ago (transfer an old home movie to a more modern format), and that he’s only doing now that it’s too late (ie VHS have been obselete/unsupported for a DECADE now)”.
Also, the fact that he’s doing it by pure coincidence (he just randomly found the tape today while cleaning)Hi and Lois: I guess we can all drop the “Chip Flagstone is Thirsty Thurston’s illegitimate son!” line of thinking. Bangs-in-the-eyes just happens to be THE look for about one out of five kids in that town. Most grow out of it; some (Thirsty, Beetle) never do.
GA: About like a toothache? So, slightly more than you would miss a toothache, or less? Would you say you miss it exactly as much as a canker sore or a little bit less than an abscess? Look, it’s either focus on this or contemplate the demon doll staring into my soul.
GT: I would advise Henry Barajas to follow the example of works such as West Side Story, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Heathers and invent his own slang rather than try to keep up with what The Kids These Days are saying. It might sound weird and forced (remember “roadside” or “solo car date”?), but anything is better than watching him try to figure out the appropriate syntax for “yeet.”
MW: I suppose he is, if you compare him to the sort of men who hang around Charterstone and who are Dawn’s primary experience with the male gender. It’s like Miranda seeing Ferdinand after spending her entire life on a deserted island with her weird dad and some kind of hideous man-beast. (Though in Dawn’s case, her dad slots neatly into both descriptions.)
Having just watched Kingpin makes me suspicious that Handsome is a bowling hustler.
Handsome: “What do you say we make this interesting?”
Dawn (with Mary Worth‘s head floating above her): “I’d rather not.”
Hi And Lois: Oh no, Lois is absorbing all the light around her to ascend into godhood, draining the surroundings of color!
Gil Thorp: I know not to expect a lot from this new Gil Thorp artist, but did they really have to draw the second panel in a way that makes it look like Marty is getting fucked in the ass by the cop?
Mary Worth: …Wait, they ACTUALLY just left the robot to die on Mars? What the fuck, dude?
Mary Worth: Oh boy, can’t wait to see what stripe of weird puritan asshole this new character is. My money’s on him being the kind of guy who beats his girlfriends’ to near-death if they so much as look at another guy while also constantly making jokes about cheating on their lover, and Moy will be completely on his side.
MW: “THIS IS NOT A DRILL”
Hardly a difficult prediction when most of Dawn’s relationships go unconsummated.
H&L – Oh come let us abhor them….
GT – YEET* – *You Exhibit Eccentric Tendencies….
GA – Ida Givasheet….
MW – I wanna handle his balls….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Bob Tice: Got the reference! *glances around* Oh well, guess its just you and me then…
C’shaft: “I found this dirty old VCR tape that I don’t want anymore so I’m wrapping it up and giving it to you. Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
JP: “I’m Peter Graves, and this is Biography.”
Luann: Look, just get her bath salts. If you’re this oblivious about a woman, you give her bath salts.
RMMD: It’s not a Rex Morgan story unless someone is contemplating how much better they are than the stock villains.
Maybe the play gets into the good part the Bible leaves out where Mary convinces her husband that they shouldn’t have sex yet, then comes to him later with news of her miracle pregnancy.
Looking forward to the “Arty assimilates a Mars rover and returns to Earth for vengeance” plotline
@Giant Pondering Otter: There was the one where Dawn was whining about her mother in vague and cagey ways.
@Cleveland Mocks: Thanks for the nod. And it’s great that it made both of us think of Gil Thorp. Great minds . . .
Who is Ann?
@taig: Re: Mary Worth: Maybe that’ll be Dawn’s opening. “I’m an expert at handling balls, sir. Let me show you my techniques!”
H&L: Ditto could ask his “father” Hi for suggestions on how to play the world’s biggest cuck.
Mary Worth turned into Zippy the Pinhead so suddenly, we hardly knew what to do. (To be fair, Dawn has always been a pinhead.)
@mvg: Ok, y’all need to stop dissing Dawn’s hair. She’s just paying tribute to her favorite mid-90’s album Jagged Little Edges. (“‘Go down on you in a theater’? Sing it, sister, I’ve been there!“)
Repeating a question from yesterthread for visibility: Has anyone seen or heard from Voshkod lately? He seems to have slipped out of circulation lately. DM me if necessary.
GIL THORP: The cops could tell that Marty Moon was drunk off his ass simply by that bowl cut.
GIL THORP (2): Yo, Holmes, this comic is starting to get wiggety-wiggety-whack, yo!
@31 Baja Gaijin:
What fun! What whimsy! Everybody gets to bowl!
But really, who are those characters in #1? And I don’t mean Cathy and Dawn.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Alan’s daughter, Randy’s brother, confirmed scam artist, unconfirmed murderer. She was gone for twenty years in-universe (and something like 60 years IRL, apparently) and returned last Christmas where she got into hijinks that ended with her former partner and husband dead in bizarre circumstances with her as the only suspect (even though Randy should arguably be a suspect as well, but that never came up because Marciuliano didn’t think of it).
Gasoline Alley – all this time I’ve been pronouncing “Aubee” as “ow bee” in my mind. Is it “ow bee” or “ah bee”? My Missouri childhood could be the problem here.
Mary Worth: the Brigman artist really likes to draw prows on steamships, if you know what I mean. They haven’t had a good Charterstone story arc wrap up Pool Party since Brigman came on board, have they? That would be better than the Luann high school wrap up pool party where all the stupider characters made their last appearances.
Zits Spanish to English.
GT – Wait, Yeet-Saying Teen’s name is Oscar? That’s not right at all. If the only thing he can say is “yeet,” his name has to be Yeet. Have these people never seen Grape Ape?
H&L: Why on earth is Dot so put out? Is she not happy playing the role of one of the Angels of the Annunciation? Did she audition for the role of Mary and flubbed it? Was she denied the role of a shepherd because she’s a girl? (Note to the play producers: there were shepherdesses in ancient times, yo…) Are her costume wings too tight? Is she just fed up with Ditto? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
My theory for why Dot cares/looks so upset is that she knows all the other kids are smiling in mockery. “Ditto,” she wants to say, “We’re already known as the wussiest family on the block. For our sweet lord’s sake, show some balls here.”
@Doc Wonmug: #72
I pronounce it “Awbee” like “Audrey” but we’ll likely never know until “Gasoline Alley: The Movie” comes out.
MW – Bonus Slylock Fox fun activity: Count all the large round objects lined up in panel 1.
Mary Worth: “DAWN IS ALL HORNT UP … EVACUATE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY! … THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! … EVACUATE THE BOWLING ALLEY!!! … RUN IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!!!! … I REPEAT, DAWN IS ALL HORNT UP!!!1!
@jroggs: Thanks. In all the time I’ve been around here and reading this, I still have no or little idea what’s going on.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I hope he’s okay. And Voshkudos to you for caring and asking. I hope we’ll soon be back to getting real Voshkudos from the originator of them.
MW: The weird noses in MW never fail to fascinate some of us, meaning me. Dawn’s sniffer, which looks so modest in Panel One, is pointed in Panel Two. Yes, pointed, I tellz ya! Look at it! It’s better than having a small potato stuck on her face like her father, but it is still bizarre.
Hi & Lois – In a Beverly Cleary book (I think it was Henry Huggins), the teacher assigned the protagonist the role of the family’s cute little boy in the school Christmas program. The little boy had to wear pajamas and say cute dialogue. Henry was horrified. In the days before the program, he had a mishap involving getting splashed all over with green paint. To the teacher’s dismay, she had to reassign the cute little boy part. Since Henry was green, he was recast as an elf, to his great delight.
My point? Beverly Cleary knew how to write an interesting story, and, more importantly, knew how to make the story even more compelling, because she understood children.
Hi & Lois, you are no Beverly Cleary.
FC – He could address him formally as Mr. Claus.
Aunty Acid – Baja should avoid this.
Rex Morgan – He has no idea why the guys tried to rob him and stabbed him in the attempt. Maybe they were bored and just wanted something to do. However, to be fair, everyone reading this was bored but didn’t go on a robbery spree.
Mary Worth – I laughed out loud at hunky bowler’s muscled up arms. Here we go.
Arlo & Janis – This week’s strips have been wonderful, a really sweet story about buying Christmas gifts for the family.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Agreed!!
MW: We all know June has her issues when it comes to drawing cell phones in use, but give her credit, she can depict a might attractive pair of jugs.
@I speak Jive: You are so right about H&L. I really do like the protagonists of A & J, especially Luddie. But if Jimmy Johnson wanted to switch over to featuring his own growing-up for the entire rest of his cartooning career, that would be fine with me.
Baby Blues: “I organized all the porn on your phone, does mom know what you’re into”?
Pluggers: Chickens don’t have lips. Also, Pluggers are kind of whoreish.
Dustin: “I’m jealous of those NFL players that suffer frequent head trauma, at least they have some kind of excuse for why they can’t function in society”
Curtis: Do American cruise ships go to China? Curtis is trying to sell his parents to human traffickers.
Slylock Fox: There has to be some inbreeding with Santa’s elves, right? Either that or they are cloned in a lab.
Dennis the Menace: Mrs Wilson is finally committing her husband to an institution. I hope he’ll get the help he needs.
@Poteet: Whoops, I meant A&J. This, after recently mixing up ALICE and GEARHEAD GERTIE. Yeeesh. If this gets worse, I may switch to lurker status.
FG/JP: Dale only graduated with her MRS degree, but she’s already a better attorney than Randy.
Tomorrow: Dale and Flash legally skewer Chief Kala with an ingrown Toa nail.
(FG subtext: The Lion Men’s old Thought Projectors only work between two persons who have fucked)
Dale’s discovery — Toa Law subhead 16:7a: “Shark Men taste great marinated in olive oil and lemon, split and grilled over a hot open fire. Don’t forget the tartar sauce.”
GA: Josh, the evil doll is called Ida Noe. Your version, “Ida Knoe,” is of course more clever and appropriate for the meaning of the doll’s name. But Ida Noe is a character in GA. Cleverness is for those sophisticates over in Hootin’ Holler.
@70 Sequitur: They’re characters from Bizarro. Did I mess up the mise-en-scène?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Anacyclosis Parker!
@Poteet: Dawn’s nose has been noticeably weird — non-Euclidean angles — since this story arc began. Reason #617 Cathy will get laid first.
”Which one do you want, Luke?” “The pretty one, Bo.” “The one with the wavy hair, great rack, and normal nose?” “Chill, Bo…the other one won’t be so bad if you make her wear a bag over her nose.”
Blondie: Today’s strip looks like a magic eye 3D puzzle. I was hoping that achieving the stereoscopic effect would reveal a punchline.
@Bob Tice: Are you a lawyer?
MW – Cathy really shouldn’t stand next to the ball rack like that. Some nearsighted bowler might try to grab a part of her anatomy and hurl it down the lane.
(I’m referring to her huge, round head, of course! Get your mind out of the gutter before it gets run over by Dawn’s bowling ball.)
@Chance:
I am!
@Bob Tice: Well, then, what’s your take on FG’s Toa’s Law?
(There ought to be some highly atrocious puns that can be made; but be careful not to stub your Toa)
@Doc Wonmug: When the kid was born, one of the characters said “Well, I’ll be” so that’s what they named him. Too stupid? Obviously nothing is too stupid for GA.
BB: I suppose kudos are in order for the Walkers attempting something artsy, but to me the silhouette looks like the General is about to suckle on Mrs. Halftrack’s giant nipple. Your mileage may vary.
Luann – The issue with this is that it completely ignores the fact that Brad knows that Toni would love a hot rod T-Shirt, because they’re both into muscle car restoration and this is something longtime readers will recall. But of course that also ignores the fact that TJ helped Brad restore his Nova, and that didn’t end in anyone having an orgasm either.
@I speak Jive: I still stand by my theory that in her “The Mouse and his Motorcycle Books” Ralph the Mouse’s motorcycle was an artifact of doom, as it was very gradually tearing his family apart, alienating Ralph from his parents and siblings, caused him to keep running away from home getting into wacky misadventures.
But the main focus was the misadventures, I don’t believe the whole “family tearing apart” thing was ever resolved. As there were only three books.
@Ukulele Ike:
I’m sorry to say that I don’t know the reference. On the other hand, I’m kind of stuck in the ’60s, and I’m not sorry about that!
Comics Kingdom has a new comic.
@Bob Tice: See past week of Flash Gordon, where the Shark Men are beating the Lion Men with law books (and fists). Toa and Toa’s Law are Hot Stuff on Mongo. Also my comment at 89 and 90.
@92 Baja Gaijin:
No, no problem. Bizarro has new characters every day so I can’t keep up with them, It was a good mashup.
@Ukulele Ike:
So you’re saying the Shark Men and the Lion Men are “going Toa to Toa”? And when they come together, have they got “Toa-jam football”?
@Giant Pondering Otter: I have not read that series. My favorite of Beverly Cleary’s books is Ellen Tebbits, which I read several times in grade school and which I remember vividly. Later I read several of her books for a course in children’s literature. She was a wonderful, perceptive writer.
@Bob Tice: I got that reference! I’m also stuck in the ’60s.
I’m going to nominate Mary Worth for the greatest comic strip of all time. Nothing else creates such fodder for the great snarkers we have here – not even The Family Circlejerk, which was made for snark.
Of course, Luann generates comments, but that one is so bad that it’s a total hate read. The best snark for Luann comes out of the Trufans.
I think we should push Karen Moy for the Reuben Award. She has given us a great gift. Of course, if we can get her a Pulitzer, too, all the better – just to see Batiuk’s reaction.
@I speak Jive:
The only two comics I follow religiously are Mary Worth and Rex Morgan, M.D. I used to read Judge Parker, but when the new authorship took over in August, 2016, it became so gratuitously violent, overtly political and devoid of logic (to me, it began reading like a self-published spy novel by someone who shouldn’t be writing spy novels) that I eventually stopped reading it. If Josh posts a comic snippet from some strip that looks interesting on a given day, I’ll often look back for a few days to get a sense of the context of the snippet. As for the Lion Men and the Shark Men — thank you to Ukelele Ike for explaining the reference — I hope they’re not using the law book I wrote to beat one another up.
Hi and Lois – It’s not surprising that in a suburb built on previously agricultural land, bearing a bucolic name, but that long ago bulldozed away any sense of connection to the land (except for antiseptic grass lawns and a few HOA approved tree species), the school/church would demote the agricultural workers in their religious narratives. Appearances of a normal family matter (nevermind Joseph being made to raise a child that is not his own), so the patriarch of the family requires some lines to establish some sort of authority, even if he exercises none in the actual Bible.
Gil Thorp – “Whoop Whoop” is not the sound of a siren, but the call of Juggalos. As the Detroit Metro Times has reported, “Whoop Whoop” car decals and vanity license plates can attract law enforcement attention. We can glean from this it was Marty’s fandom of the Insane Clown Posse, not his inebriated state, that got the police attention.
Too bad, because now Marty is on the FBI Criminal Gang watch list.
Gasoline Alley – Leaving Arty the AI behind allows for the first astronauts on Mars to stumble upon him, raising immediate questions about life on the planet, and when they foolishly recharge his batteries allow him to seize their spaceship, stranding them on Mars while he returns to Earth to get his revenge.
Mary Worth – At Mary Worth headquarters, Karen Moy and June Brigman read each snarky entry by Josh and we lowly commenters. Knowing Josh’s annual holiday break, the exact their revenge the best way they know how – starting a Dawn dating related storyline before the holiday season instead of basic ‘Mary does the holidays’ story that is just filler as bland as her beige square meals.
Crank: “Merry Christmas, Ralph! This already belongs to you, I don’t know why I have it, and it didn’t cost me a thing!”
GT: Unless things have really shaken up in the two and a half weeks since I stopped reading the strip, Oscar Capp (relationship to Andy still unrevealed) is less “locally beloved idiot teen who says ‘yeet’ all the time” and more “locally despised idiot bully who says ‘yeet’ all the time, and I therefore assume his reaction to Marty’s misfortune is to say “yeet” mockingly rather than sadly. Then again, this is Henry Bajaras’s Gil Thorp, and Henry Bajaras reads Judge Parker and wonders why Ces puts so much effort into consistent characterisation and coherent motives, so who knows?
HtH: Hägar, Hägar, Hägar. I keep telling you, the whole point of being a Viking raider is that you go to other places when you want to rob someone, rather than stealing from your own community! Like, I’m not surprised you have no compunctions about stealing from the new religion, but you’re supposed to do it by attacking Celtic monastaries! You can’t even justify it as opposing King Olaf’s aggressive Christianisation program, because you’re attending the church!
JP: So did Ann spend the several weeks between leaving Parker home immediately after Thanksgiving dinner and giving herself up to the police on the same day the Driver-Spencer girls came home for Christmas thinking “April said turning myself in was my only choice, but maybe I’ll think of another one!” before admitting she couldn’t? Or was she just having trouble finding the police station? Either way, by the end of it, she must have really been wondering whatever happened to that massive manhunt that would inevitably hunt her down if she didn’t surrender ASAP.
MW: I see Dawn has really taken Mary’s advice about not rushing into love again on board.
Phantom: Diana, right now there is absolutely no reason outside Stripey’s paranoid mind to believe this is some kind of elaborate trap. But just in case it is, maybe don’t yell “Oh my God! Is it some kind of elaborate trap!?” so loudly they can hear you three tables away.
@Bob Tice: I don’t read Flash Gordon, so the references to Shark Men and Lion Men went over my head. I did, however, get the come together – “Toa-jam football” reference.
I agree with you about JP – it does read like a half baked spy novel. I think the CIA part of it is infuriating. However, I still follow it because it’s one of my top hate reads. I have loathed the characters for a long time, and the stupidity of the stories just adds another dimension to the things I hate about it.
Crankshaft – It just occurred to me that this is another periodic attempt to show that Crankshaft is a good guy at heart and not the insufferable, irredeemable asshole he is every other day. It also gives Batiuk the opportunity for Christmas glurge. It’s called writing.
9CL – The twins were creepy when they were children, and I guess Brooke aged them in part because he didn’t know what to do with them. One would think that a time jump would refresh the strip and give him opportunities for new stories, but it’s the same shit as before with interchangeable couples. This is beyond tedious.
Was reading an Archie comic today, not going to get into the plot itself but Veronica posed to have a stone statue made of her.
The sculptor’s name?
“Stone Carver”
When even Batiuk’s naming puns feel subtle in comparison.
@mvg: I get the reference
@I speak Jive: Yeah, she was a treasure :3
I admit I’m a more casual reader, I know of Ramona, Henry Huggins and Ribsy and of course the Ralph Mouse books.
But in the end, it always came back to kids, as only children could understand the language of mice. (And the employee who worked in the hotel, that Ralph’s family lives in the walls of) I seem to recall the narration saying that the employee could understand mice because he was young at heart. But I think he was just cool like that.
GIL THORP: I think that one kid is actually a Pokemon who can only say his name over and over (Ash: “Yeet, use Sullen Posturing!”)
@Just John: Dear, that’s called a “Wednesday.”
I out of curiousity, went to look on Gasoline Alley’s TvTropes page, to see what people think of Ida Noe the evil demonic doll.
Literally no mention is made of her.
Then I wonder if Ida Noe was never actually in the comic… and that the “version” that Josh got was actually cursed ;-)
Then I realize that no-one gives a flying f*** to actually want to update Gasoline Alley’s TvTropes page as that would suggest an actual interest in it.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Like the horror videogame “Amanda the Adventurer” the more we read Gasoline Alley, the sooner Ida Noe devours our souls.
Ida Noe the Devil Doll is nearly — but not quite — the equal of Chef Meowrice as an avatar of the GA obnoxious.
The mouse with the motorcycle was all right, but as a kid reader I preferred the cricket in Times Square. He had a mouse buddy, too.
@2+2=7:
… in Hell.
GA: Inevitable crossover: The Phantom’s Ian Mollusk sends Avarice II to Mars where it meets Arty and…Well, they talk each other to death, most probably.
GT: From the “WHOOP! WHOOP!” I gather that Curly Howard is taking state-enabled vengeance on his old nemesis Moe, much the way Dim did to Alex in A Clockwork Orange.
MW: Chicks go slack-jawed for a buff guy who plays basketball. Yes, I know it’s a bowling ball. Someone tell the coloring monkeys.
DT: It’s fairly well known that in the latter stages of World War II, Adolf Hitler was amphetamined to the max and on a dangerous level of drugs in general, courtesy of his personal physician Theodor Morell. Which seems to be a grand old Third Reich tradition that Totten Père has kept to the present day.
HtH: Hagar’s illiteracy is one of the most consistently applied character traits and the medium. That and Lucky Eddie’s trustworthiness. Seriously, he could write anything.
JP: Abbey didn’t know that Ann was hiding in her father’s laundry room or whatever. Or for that matter that Race Bannon had joined the Cavelton Live news team.
Phantom: All Diana wanted was to get to that sitcom themed costume party so she could show off her Laura Petrie look.
Pluggers: I guess with Henrietta the term “a peck on the cheek” literally means a peck.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: in 1930s Germany methamphetamine was mass produced in an extremely pure form, heavily marketed and advertised to civilians, and sold in rolls like candy at newsstands, tobacconists, and sundry shops. The Reich was intent on energizing and getting the most work possible out of its housewives, chimney sweeps, and shoeshine boys, not just the military.
BLITZED: DRUGS IN THE THIRD REICH by Norman Ohler is a big fun read.
For Baja Gaijin… It’s Sunday!
Cathy is polite enough to not distract Dirk with her blouse bunnies by covering them with a bowling ball.
GA: On the bright side, maybe Arty the AI can make friends with Spirit.
Ditto would rather be Sam Shepherd than Joseph Papp.
@jroggs: I think it would be fascinating, not to mention typical of JP, if Ann really had been, at one time, Randy’s brother, and the entire family just never talks about those long years away and the multiple surgeries.
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: See, this is one more reason why I am extremely uneasy about AI. No way do I want that strip to become any kind of emotional reality.
@richardf8: And in an interesting pairing, for the last couple of weeks Prof. Watasnozzle and the Sea Hag have been in a duel to see which is better, science or magic. The proof will be in who kills Popeye (and collateral damage, Olive) first. Neither has succeeded — it’s Popeye, after all — but now a new twist has appeared: Olive is missing.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Is there ever a Dawn storyline that DOESN’T involve her relationships?
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Her whole personality is she sees herself as Marsha Brady, and everyone else sees her as Jan. She’s as dull as a dish pan full of water filled with Dawn™ dishwashing liquid.
@Baja Gaijin: All are funny, but the Wilbur one took me by surprise.
@Ukulele Ike: And the rallying cry of the Shark Men is “Toa! Toa! Toa!”
MW – What the what? In the first panel, Dawn’s friend is drawn so her ample bazongas are right in a line with the bowling balls on the ball return. In the second panel the ball on the ball return is right there at handsome’s crotch. And Dawn here is lost in an attraction reverie. Is this bowling alley called “Freud’s Lucky Strike Lanes”?
@Ukulele Ike: There was also a big fun documentary on PBS, though as I recall, it focused on the military and not civilians.
@Anonymous: On On Crankshaft: Maybe the tape will be so emotional to Ralph he’ll collapse and die. (No, no particular reason for saying that. Yes, I have him in the death pool, but so what?)
@Bob Tice: Follow that Star…with the West Key Index System!
Fifty years ago today Danny Stein a minor member of the Weathermen group was in custody. Newspapers reported that only Disney was producing children’s films anymore, and Gene Autry and Dick Williams’s Christmas list included ace pitcher Catfish Hunter for the California Angels.
Meanwhile in the comics, the interrogation of the suspect in Judge Parker continued, Winthrop’s Christmas list included baseball equipment, Nancy put her own ahtletic skills to the test, and Lil Abner considered the deleterious effects of screen time on the youth of today.
@Baja Gaijin: That Wilbur almost broke my brain.
@The Mighty Captain E: At least Brigman didn’t draw a bowling pin just below Alley Hunk’s waistline.
@GarrisonSkunk: But proceeds to Dawn™ dishwashing liquid as least helps animals that were affected by oil spills. That’s more than what this Dawn has ever done…
@Poteet: Haha, whoops. Good catch.
RIP Rickey Henderson
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Dawn ogles Hunk Bowling Guy’s buns as he begins his approach. She holds her breath as he arcs the ball on its rearward trajectory. But then he slides with the wrong foot forward and gives himself a massive double hernia. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
HBG writhes in agony at the foul line in the fetal position.
The Ipsilateral Foot Forward technique would come to be known forevermore as the Santa Royale Nutcracker,
Dawn shrugs, sheds a small tear, and resigns herself to hitting on the smelly guy who rents out the shoes.
@taig: Hopefully he gets to steal some bases and hit lead off home runs in the ether life
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Yes, me as well, too. Voshkod, if you’re seeing this, phone home.
Is Dawn attracted to the bowler or to the bowler’s balls?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Scratchy, IIRC from my days as a Friday night beer-league bowler, a right-hander’s left shoe was a sliding shoe and the right shoe was a traction shoe, for lack of a better term. So if you launched the ball off the wrong foot, you’d do a faceplant at the foul line.
@Giant Pondering Otter: Good point,GPO! All this Dawn did was convince Wilburp to go to the spill site and “help out” with the rescue, which Wilburp interpreted as ” deep fry and eat the oil covered pelicans”.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Moreover, I just noticed this. Look at Hunk Bowling Guy’s right hand. IT’S BACKWARD! He has a left hand attached to his right arm!
OMG, the new GT artist must be seething with envy!
Mary Worth:
Cathy: “Dawn, it’s your turn.”
Dawn: “Wow! I’m squirting!”
@Sequitur: #129: That’s just Zak with different colored hair and Keith Hillend’s arms.
@Ukulele Ike: #128: Years ago I saw TV documentary on the Battle of the Bulge and the American vets interviewed all thought the German soldiers were jacked on something.
@Liam: MW-“Wow! That guy is more handsome than your average bowler.”
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Hey, there! It’s Yogi Bowler!
@Cleveland Mocks: Moreover, I just noticed this. Look at Hunk Bowling Guy’s right hand. IT’S BACKWARD! He has a left hand attached to his right arm!
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His doctor is Dr. Nick, sounds about Dawn’s speed.
@158 GarrisonSkunk:
Is that a hat worn by Mahatma Gandhi?
I just read a story from two days ago where a hunter in Virginia was killed when a bear he shot in a tree fell on him.
@Cleveland Mocks: I can’t see much of that alleged right hand, but I can see enough that it looks weird.
Finally! Someone is putting the blame right where it belongs….Dr Sex Organ! You are absolutely correct, Merle, you never would have gotten stabbed if Dr. Organ had just minded his own business and left you alone watching your Korean soap operas. Unless of course your wife were to stab you, but if she hasn’t by this time she’s not likely to in the near future, so its still Dr. Organ’s fault!
@Dr. Pill:Neither has succeeded — it’s Popeye, after all — but now a new twist has appeared: Olive is missing.
Neither Magic nor Science (technology, really) can overcome the fundamental laws of the universe, and in the Popeyeverse, that includes impenetrable protagonist armor for the title character and his love interest. They also mark the love interest as the MacGuffin par excellence.
On another note, I have wondered if a similar contest (or perhaps melding) between Count Weirdly and Wanda Witch was responsible for the singularity from which the Animapocalypse arose in the Slylockverse.
@Sequitur: I just read a story from two days ago where a hunter in Virginia was killed when a bear he shot in a tree fell on him.
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Was he in his pajamas?
@richardf8: as the MacGuffin par excellence.
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If the Whiffle Hen’s chicks were involved, would it be an egg MacGuffin?
So Lois is dead, right? That’s why she’s in color and everyone else including the stage set is gray? Lois was shot by an outraged real estate client and now she’s trying to redeem herself by helping Ditto overcome his stage fright, and Dot is mad because she never gets to see dead people?
@Giant Pondering Otter:
They’ll stop that when Dawn realizes that Wilbur is the only man for her.
@Baja Gaijin:
#3
@GarrisonSkunk: 165. Got the reference! (What, everybody else did too? How that happened I’ll never know.)
@Sequitur:
AH! I’m blind! That coloring is too bright.
@Avoiding the Madding Crowd:
I didn’t realize there was a reference until you said you got the reference, and now I got the reference too!
Well done.
@169 Liam: It’s the first mashup that came to my mind. Sick, isn’t it?
@173 Baja Gaijin:
I’m really curious what you’ll come up with for tomorrow’s strip.
MW: Dawn, you silly twit. He’s using a pastel ball. He must be bowling for the other team.