Honestly a St. Sebastian Met Gala theme would rule
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Wizard of Id, 6/1/26
The Met Gala was exactly four weeks ago today, in case you were curious as to what the Wizard of Id publication lead time is! You might think that, having come up with the hilarious joke, the creative team would’ve kept it in the chamber to be published on the actual date of next year’s Met Gala, but hey, these are uncertain times. Will the Met Gala even happen in 2027? Will newspaper comics still be published? Will any of us be alive? Why wait?
Judge Parker, 6/1/26
Look, I know it’s been a long time since Alan “Judge Parker Senior Emeritus” Parker has been the main guy in the strip that bears his name, but … look at that last panel. Eyes closed, mouth hanging dully open as he begins taking another big bite of the sandwich he got to-go from the diner where he made everyone emotionally uncomfortable. The artist didn’t have to do him like this. He could’ve been left with a shred of dignity!
Daddy Daze, 6/1/26
The Daddy Daze daddy has some generic email job that isn’t at an educational institution and the Daddy Daze baby is a baby. It doesn’t matter if your headcanon for this strip is that the Daddy Daze baby’s series of “ba”s carry real semantic meaning or if the Daddy Daze daddy merely projects his own insane ruminations onto them, there is zero reason for them to have a conversation about the school calendar, a concept of no importance to either of them.
Mary Worth, 6/1/26
“I mean, at least you won’t have too many student loans! I’ve been in college since at least 2007 and I’m no closer to a degree than I’ve ever been!”
The Lockhorns, 6/1/26
“Blood … there was so much blood. And the sex stuff … look, I don’t want to talk about it.”
62 replies to “Honestly a St. Sebastian Met Gala theme would rule”
The Lockhorns: Nothing beats the “Baywatch” phase and Leroy in a Speedo.
Leroy had some thoughts when he watched The Handmaid’s Tale, but Loretta shut that down quickly.
JP: “Are you even listening to me?”
“Sure I am!” — Alan proceeds to stuff bread into his ears.
WoI:”You’d be a hit at the next MET gala. Too bad you’re not gonna live that long.”
The Lockhorns:
In this strip Leroy’s crinkled smile often indicates (not to put too fine a point on it) horniness, so considering he’s aiming his come-hither salute at a man I’m wondering if this isn’t actually his Brokeback Mountain phase. Considering all the blond women Leroy flirts with at parties you may consider this a surprising development, but on the other hand it does begin to explain his difficult marriage. Loretta’s (willful?) misinterpretation shows that, despite all common sense and years of evidence to the contrary, she wants to have sex with Leroy.
Mary Worth:
“I must be a dummy!”
“Why would you say that, Tommy?”
“Brandy would have me perch on her knee, and then she’d throw my voice!”
Too bad Leroy is too cheap to spring for Showtime, it would’ve been great if he had watched Dexter.
MW: ??? Is that narration box necessary? Its main purpose seems to be to let us know that Dawn didn’t bring the subject up out of the blue, to rub Tommy’s nose in it.
Wizard of Id:
“You mean they’re doing Nilsson’s ‘Me and My Arrow’ at the Met these days, Doc?”
Judge Parker:
“Let me accommodate my oral fixation here, and then I’ll be right with you!”
LH: Regardless of the TV show, Leroy’s “phases” always involve him making bedroom eyes at a passing stranger while Loretta watches from a distance.
WoI: I love how Rodney has been hit with arrows from all directions at once. It’s as if the opposing army and his own soldiers came together against their common object of hatred, and then some cherubs joined in the fun for good measure.
MW: Dawn tries to reassure Tommy when he calls himself a dummy. “You think you’re dumb? My father had a funeral for a fish!“
JP: I like how the dialogue box looks well too big for the text it contains, as if the writer was going to add more context to this scene and then decided no, it doesn’t matter. No-one cares why this is happening.
DD: I’m coming around to the idea that this strip is some kind of Shutter Island scenario about a man locked in an asylum imagining a talking baby, wandering around not knowing what day it is and somehow convincing himself that’s not a cause for alarm.
MW: Sorry Dawn, but I guy who can’t tell the difference between ‘my girlfriend is leaving town for a few weeks’ and ‘my girlfriend is breaking up with me’ is kind of a dummy…
Lhs: Uh, are we sure that Leroy is in his ‘Yellowstone’ phase and not his ‘Brokeback Mountain’ phase? Look at that expression on his face and tell me otherwise…
LOCKHORNS: The worst part was that he kept dropping trou to all and sundry to show off his Iron Throne scars.
RMMD: Having actually learned about capitalism, Doug has embraced it wholeheartedly. Workers of the world, prepare to be exploited!
MW: Worst possible outcome of all this? Dawn decides to major in counseling. Bright spot? If Dawn ever manages to finish college, she’ll be 95 and too feeble to do much damage.
DT: Before I looked again and realized those are ‘stars of pain’ emanating from Mumbles’ head, I thought he’d been felled by some ninja throwing stars. I should have known the neo-Chicago PD wasn’t that creative.
Luann: Miss Inner Beauty must know on a sub-sub-subconscious level that she’s getting fired inside of one day if that’s all she’s bringing.
RMMD: Did Mae Mae get into the goofballs stash? What’s with that maniacal cocked-eyebrow expression?
@Vulpes: @pugfuggly: dangit! too slow….
“I used to be an adventurer like you, before I took an arrow in the knee. And shin. And nose. And chest. And a lot to the back while I was running away.”
Wary Morth:
What kind of dummy? A clothes dummy? A crash test dummy? An American “football” tackling dummy? Any of those is more useful than the entire Mary Worth cast put together.
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Wrecks Moregone:
“Being on my feet all day was much more painful. I think I’ll take a desk job. How would you like to swap roles, Doug?”
Judge Parker’s burger-eating technique leaves much to be desired. His jaw is at maximum extension with the burger several inches away, he’s going to chomp down on unsatisfying air.
RMMD “… then the new super-friends vowed to save the world with their powers of bryl-creem application, hot coffee-pouring and hash-slinging. They high-five. Annnd… credits!”
JP What I find interesting is Ann’s change in wardrobe. It’s not long after, as the old judge is eating the burger he brought, so it’s not the next day with a normal change. She must have decided not only that that a spaghetti-strap croptop is insufficiently serious for this discussion, but that it’s worth the time to fully change into a blouse, not toss something on _over_ the croptop – the deep blouse neckline would show the crop top underneath if it were there. “Annoyed” is likely a _huge_ understatement.
Judge Parker: I’m worried about that burger. It seems to be fading out of existence, much like Marty McFly in the first “Back to the Future” movie. My guess is someone went back in time then accidentally prevented the steer’s cow mother and bull father from making it to the “Udder the Sea” ball for their first kiss and subsequent boinking to create the calf that grew up to become that burger.
Id: The Met Gala is one of those weird things that feels like it came out of nowhere, while the Wizard of Id is an impossibly ancient relic of the newspaper comics page, which is why it’s so disconcerting to discover that the Met Gala started two decades before the Wizard of Id. This isn’t a desperate flailing for relevance, it’s a relative newcomer riffing on the culture of its elders!
Lockhorns: Congratulations to the Yellowstone production team for getting their very first millennial viewer.
“Don’t talk about yourself like that! That’s my job!”
JP: The Judge must have caught the enschlubification disease that infected MW and RMMD. Look at him about to take a big, sloppy bite of that burger! You know he’s going to be making all sorts of disgusting chewing sounds, preventing him from hearing a word Ann is saying. If he turns around and asks for mayo, it’s all over.
Luann, Crankshaft, and Mary Worth all have the same problem today: the inability to tell you what in the hell is going on.
So Luann’s going to summer camp? What happened to moving in with Phil? Did she get the Weenie Hut promotion or not? Was this a prior commitment she had to honor? (On a meta level, we know there was a summer camp story planned for last summer that was pulled due to real-life events.) But you can’t just replace “improved management-level wage” with “summer camp job.” Also, you can’t apply for a management job, get it, and then say “oops! I’m going to summer camp for six weeks! Time to use some manager PTO! By the way, Phil, I’m not moving in until August! Enjoy paying the rent by yourself until then!”
So Eugene has pictures for Lillian? Why in the hell is Eugene friendly with Lillian at all, considering what she did?
In MW, did Tommy get dumped or not? It sure looks Brandy gave him a lame excuse to get away from him. Probably to bump uglies with some hunky scuba instructor (or more realistically, the Florida Man version of Tommy). But the story gives you no clue about whether this is actually a breakup, nor is it written coherently enough to make the point that Tommy is mis-reading the situation.
Awful writing all around.
Crankshaft plot twist: the pictures are of Dead Lisa.
@Baja Gaijin: And it’s taking Alan’s hands with it!
The Daddy Daze Daddy thinking his pre-verbal kid is telling him it’s the end of the school year should not make him less worried about having been Rip Van Winkle’d.
Judge Parker: RIP Alan Parker ? – June 1, 2026. Beloved jurist, ex-con, dud father. Cause of death: blunt-force Wilburization.
The Wizard of Id: Personally, I’d have gone with “You’re a bullseye for the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” It’s no less anachronistic, and it at least gets a nod from the English majors in the audience.
MW: Boy, Dawn’s exercise program has really paid off. Just this morning she was telling Wilbur she needed to get in better shape, and now she’s effortlessly delivering whole paragraphs of dialog while running on a mountain trail.
Mary Worth: Oh, Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. You’re a former junkie and garden-variety moron, but you’re no dummy. The person next to you? That’s a dummy. Or maybe she’s a twit? Keep running, let’s see how this plays out.
JP:
“Why are you annoyed with me?”
“Oh, you know how it is with this strip. Never more than a day or two seems to pass without someone being annoyed about something — or, worse yet, violent, or even murderous!”
@CanuckDownSouth: Ann’s change in wardrobe
One of those “once you see it” things. Well, as Ralph Waldo Emerson didn’t quite say, “A foolish continuity is the hobgoblin of people who care about their craft.”
Lockhorns – Meanwhile, Loretta has been in her Beth Dutton phase for 58 years ago is showing no signs of slowing down.
JP: Alan, did you bring enough for everybody?
@Banana Jr. 6000: for Luann it’s a *different* kind of bad writing. They did a few days of tee-hee misdirection with Luann saying she’d gotten an interview and a job, Tara telling Phil that it looked like Luann would have the money for the move (which was the first he’d heard of it and he noted he was still figuring out his finances to apply for the apartment), and a Phil/Luann phone call with Luann saying she had a big opportunity, Phil saying he was totally on board, and *then* Luann noting she’s be going away as a camp counselor for the summer
WoI: The doctor has cunningly diagnosed that Sir Rodney is simply wearing a costume based on the fact that most of the arrow heads are clearly visible, barely embedded into his flesh or his helmet. Clearly he has simply glued these arrows on to his body.
JP: Alan eats his burger standing over the sink, no dish or napkins. In another Willy Loman moment, he’s reliving his bachelor days. Tomorrow, he gets the whole household involved in a futile search for his spats.
The Lockhornd:
The Lockhorns:
If this guy had been the adult presence on The Spin and Marty Show, I would have forsworn watching The Mickey Mouse Club entirely.
Th
Fifty years ago, they ran this same Lockharts strip with a Bonanza phase. Twenty years ago, it was a Deadwood phase. Ten years ago, a Westworld phase. Ten years from now, it’ll be the Bonanza reboot on HBOMax. You have to admire its purity. This strip is a survivor, unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.
In a universe where time has run amok and the ages of humanity blend in to each other, Sir Rodney has discovered he is cursed with immortality. When the arrows rained down upon him he was happy for the first time in his miserable existence only to have that joy turn to horror as he still kept standing. Damn the cruel gods who will not let him escape this torment!
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I’m all for Judge Parker‘s evolution into the world’s first mukbang comic.
***
Oh! Oh! Tommy is going to go back to college and end up in Ian’s class where shenanigans will ensue! No, sorry. This is Mary Worth and one must be careful to not let the demographic get too excited. A mild shenanigan will ensue.
***
With Game of Thrones, Leroy was so shaken by the ending he started getting into modern Boomer culture.
RMMD: “My secret being out wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be” says Mae Mae. Honestly, If this isn’t a buildup to Mud coming out of the closet, I’ll be disappointed.
MW: In retrospect, Dawn realizes she picked the wrong day to wear her “I’m with stupid” T-shirt.
FC: Dolly traps Jeffy in the basement where, while holding a pair of Big Bil’s hedge clippers to his throat, she forces him to eat a whole box of fundraising chocolate bars.
“You won’t be forgetting this either anytime soon. Eat!”
MW:
Tommy’s confessional that he is a dummy is what the law calls “res ipsa loquitur,” or, more familiarly, “res ipsa.” That Latin phrase translates to “The thing speaks for itself,” which, in Tommy’s case, is true both as to Tommy’s being a “thing” and as to what he said speaking for itself.
L’horns: The finale for Game of Thrones was so universally disappointing that it pretty much killed the series’ cultural relevance overnight and hardly anyone has given it a thought since. So I’m not sure which is more out of touch: The Lockhorns for name-dropping it or HBO for touting the fifteenth anniversary.
MW: Come now, Tommy, you’re not a dummy for not pursuing higher education! There’s a wide range of socially essential jobs that don’t require a college degree, many of which pay well and are less likely to be turned over to automation in the near future. You’re a dummy because you’re just plain stupid.
WoI: Look, I’ll give you the head mirror; it’s the universal visual shorthand for “doctor” even thought doctors haven’t used those things in decades. But could you at least give SOME indication that this guy is a part of your vaguely medieval setting? Give him some ornate robes? Or a jar of leeches, perhaps?
Lockhorns: “Oh I think we all remember Leroy walking down the street naked while we jeered him and pelted him with garbage. Good times.”
JP-“You said that when changed our identities from Ted and Sally Forth we would stop with this inane plotlines.”
RMMD-“Do you know any other former washed up actors? I need a housekeeping staff for the hotel.”
MW-Tommy can always go back and get his GED.
MW-How many years have you been in school, Dawn? Working on that doctorate?
Lockhorns-Actually Leroy is in his ‘Midnight Cowboy’ phase.
@CanuckDownSouth: Thanks for the explanation. You understand the story a lot better than I do.
So the joke is that the alleged Weenie Hut promotion never existed, and Luann thinks a summer camp job is going to make up the financial difference? Do I have that right?
If I do, that just makes Luann’s behavior even worse. Inviting herself to live in Phil’s apartment was bad enough, but she also thought it would be fun to bait-and-switch the source of her income to pay for it? Which also includes changing that source from a permanent job to a temporary one? And also disrupts her current job, and the timeframe of a potential move?
Phil should be absolutely LIVID with Luann’s self-entitled flakiness. Especially if he’s autistic, which I believe the story said he was.
Locked Down — “We should have had a Red Wedding, if you know what I mean. . . “
C’shaft: Ugh, bring back the black hole.
Dustin: And what would your journal look like, Meg? “Today I insulted my brother while sipping a canned iced tea rather than insulting him while looking at my phone. I’m living on the edge!”
GT: “That’s great, but what about the thousands of other innocent people imprisoned, abused and dying in detention centers like this across the country?”
“Who cares? Once the problem is solved for the people in Gil Thorp’s sphere, it goes away forever. Just ask Tobias!”
Lio: Death Becomes Her closes on Broadway later this month, so good on Lio for getting this joke in at the buzzer.
RMMD: “Once again everything is solved with minimal effort or inconvenience on our part! Hooray!”
I never understood “Game of Thrones”
Isn’t a Fantasy Setting supposed to be obligated to have some level of whimsy?
@TheDiva: WoI: At least they’ve got the pre-union English flag on the wall, so it’s sometime before 1600.
The Lockhorns may lock horns, but the secret to why they stay together is actually what happens behind closed doors when he goes through these phases, leaving all petty grievances at the door.
@27Lauralot: I noticed that. I wasn’t sure if it was just “contact disappearing” because he’s holding the burger. Once it disappears, maybe his hands’ll return to normal? “Back to the Future” didn’t really cover this possibility.
@49 Banana Jr. 6000: If Phil hasn’t figured out Luann’s a blithering idiot, to be kind, it’s on him for depending upon her for anything important in his life. Luann’s not exactly hiding her dumbassery under a bushel basket or anything.
Judge Parker is turning into a superposition of Rex Morgan and Dagwood Bumstead.
RMMD- Jonnny : ‘Honestly, my appendix coming out wasn’t as painful as I’d hoped it would be. The procedure turned out to be a piece of cake.”
Luann-Well that’s all the time we have here for “Luann’s Summer Camp Adventure.. If you want to know how the rest be sure to buy the graphic novel. Will Luann find romance with the serial killer who is stalking the campgrounds or will she be one of it’s victims.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
So Eugene has pictures for Lillian? Why in the hell is Eugene friendly with Lillian at all, considering what she did?
Eugene doesn’t know what Lillian did to Lucy and him. He’s persuaded she was a loving sister who treated her well, especially as her Alzheimer’s progressed, completely unaware Lillian was actually Lucy’s evil twin who actively sabotaged her social life. He thinks she should write a Lisa’s Story-esque book on how she dealt with Lucy’s Alzheimer’s!
Luann-Wait till Luann comes back to Weenie World and find out that her job as executive table wiper has been given to the franchise owner’s nephew.
@The Rambling Otter: At the start, that was part of the appeal; real, adult, etc., etc. After a while, though the dark got so think you couldn’t see through it anymore.
Crankshaft: “I came across some photos you might want to have, Lillian. It’ll cost you, but it’ll cost you more otherwise.”
Wizard of Id: Cupid needed a lot of arrows to get through Sir Rodney’s thick skull, but he’s not feeling anything?
Pluggers don’t call it a Speed Suit. If you do, you might be an age peer, but you’re not a Plugger.
Beetle Bailey is the worst private, in the worst camp, at soldiering. We’re all thinking “Zero”, but he’s a skilled marksman–we’ve found the savant side of him. Beetle is all idiot.
Hagar: Cheer up, Sir Lancelot. Henry II may have beat you here at Place des Vosges, but he can’t win ’em all!