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Beetle Bailey, 8/25/25

Comedy is, in large part, the art of subverting your audience’s expectations in ways they find pleasing. So you could see how it might make sense in theory to do a comic strip where a soldier yells “INCOMING!!” while pointing to the sky, setting up an expectation that he’s on the front lines and his position is about to get hit by an artillery barrage, only to reveal in panel two that he’s about to get pooped on by a bird, a much less life-threatening scenario. However, longtime readers know that the idea of any of Camp Swampy’s troops being deployed into combat is laughable, so the joke doesn’t really land. I will note that the second panel reinforces the punchline by showing us that Sarge and Beetle are hanging out somewhere littered with power lines, which provide ample places for birds to hang out while also being significantly easier to draw than the birds themselves.

Marvin, 8/25/25

“Marvin hates going to preschool” isn’t a strip theme I dwell on much, as it’s a less obvious target for mockery than “Marvin loves pissing himself,” but it’s just as grim in its own way. Today we learn that he hates going to school so much that he’d rather sit immobilized in his car seat indefinitely, his only company a parent who’s presumably fuming about traffic and who doesn’t feel much affection for him at the best of times, than go there. At least in this situation he can piss himself if he wants, I guess.

Dustin, 8/25/25

Wow, huge news! Dustin has finally stopped going to fern bars to find love and is joining the rest of his generation, along with the two generations before him, on the apps. He’s apparently still getting his bank statement sent to him in the mail, but, you know, baby steps.

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Shoe, 8/24/25

You of course all know that one of my favorite things to grapple with in every Shoe strip that’s even vaguely bird-related is “Did the Shoe creative team remember that all their characters are birds when they wrote this joke?” Many of the regular bird characters have bird-related names — P. Martin Shoemaker, Cosmo Fishhawk, Loon, Roz Specklehen, Muffy Hollandaise … uh, well, not her, but you get the point — so for this one, I’m concluding that all these celebrities are not the ones we know and love but are their aviamorphic counterparts in the Shoeniverse. “Steven Seagull” was the tipoff. Anyway, no idea what The Birds was about in this reality, but I’m assuming it portrayed birds in a much more positive light than Hitchcock did in his frankly offensive anti-bird polemic.

Luann, 8/24/25

Years ago, the whole point of Tiffany within the larger narrative of Luann was that she was a hot, vapid, scheming cheerleader who bullied and belittled our heroine, Luann, and who got made fun of in turn behind her back. After a while they decided that maybe it was kind of grim to have one of the strip’s main characters be that kind of caricature, so they gave her depth and positive qualities and such, and then I sort of checked out of reading Luann for like a decade, but now I’m back and … I guess we have a new one of those? And she’s Tiffany’s college roommate? Interesting that this is a comic strip ecological niche that simply must be filled. More on this story, such as whether I bother to learn this person’s name, as it develops.

Hi and Lois, 8/24/25

Honestly I think the thing that actually works here is that instead of just texting each other, they’ve snuck off from their respective homes to the secluded woods where they can presumably fool around; the handwritten letter is I’m sure nice but probably isn’t the most important factor. Anyway, Chip, maybe don’t talk about your mom too much right now.

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The Lockhorns, 8/23/25

Look, I don’t know how they can make it any more obvious that the Lockhorns are millennials. Today’s panel deploys one of the most joyless ways to hammer the point home, just having Loretta doing a marginally cool catchphrase from 2010 or whatever. Is she going to talk about heckin’ doggos next? Will Leroy extol the epicness of bacon? They’re not even antagonizing each other today. Remember when this strip was about how much they disliked each other? We need to recapture that spirit, and if that means shifting the Lockhorns further down the timestream to the unmoored nihilism of Gen Z, I say do it.

Hi and Lois, 8/23/25

Thirsty, no! Liquor before beer, never fear … beer before liquor, never sicker! I guess he’s already sick, though. (His sickness is the serious disease of alcoholism.)