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Shoe, 5/2/24

Yeah, man. Giant bird with prehensile hands and opposable thumbs? Wears clothes and plays guitar? Not part of any Earthly biome I’m familiar with. Real fucked up if you ask me.

Dennis the Menace, 5/2/24

“My dad is a ventriloquist dummy” is kind of a stretch as a menacing burn in my opinion, but it at least offers an explanation of why he dresses like that for once.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/2/24

The central joke of Hagar the Horrible is of course that the characters act more or less like modern people even though they live in Viking Age Scandinavia, but every once in a while the strip does a “keepin’ it real” installment where we learn that, for instance, Hagar and Helga’s modest dwelling is infested with vermin.

Mary Worth, 5/2/24

“…being that I’m a foodie of sorts!” [pops yet another featureless brown cuboid in his mouth and swallows it without chewing]

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Pardon My Planet, 5/1/24

I don’t generally have anything nice to say about Pardon My Planet, but I will say this: this lady (I think the Pardon My Planet regulars have names, but I refuse to learn them) has a facial expression that genuinely makes her look like she needs her life changed and she’s contemplating whether a bath towel is the mechanism that could make that happen. She’s tried everything else! Anyway, I hope she finds the right towel set and/or cocktail of psychopharmaceuticals.

Mary Worth, 5/1/24

Wow, if you liked “Wilbur is an absent-minded superhero distracted by ape cuck fantasies,” you’ll love “Wilbur made a Feeld profile and for his profile pic clumsily photoshopped his face onto Zak’s body.”

Six Chix, 5/1/24

Six Chix: Unafraid to tell us tough truths about the differences between the genders! For instance, in order for a man to get sexually aroused by a scaly female, she has to be at least half mammalian woman. But women will just straight-up fuck a full-on fish, they don’t care what you think about it.

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Gil Thorp, 4/30/24

This week in Gil Thorp we’ve learned that star Mudlark pitcher Leo Atazhoon is Native American (this may actually not be new info but rather just something I forgot) and also (definitely new information) lives on the “Milford Rez.” This sent me spinning into new realms of the perennial “Where is Milford, anyway?” question until today, when we learn that he’s, uh, probably in one of four states, out West, where the climate doesn’t match what we see in the strip? Unless he’s Navajo and living on a non-Navajo reservation which is … possible, I guess, but I don’t think that’s something that happens all that often? Anyway, don’t let these cultural/geographical questions distract you from two of the funniest things that have every happened in Gil Thorp, which are the director (?) guy doing that frame thing with his fingers and a narration box that says “Leo Atazhoon. Pitcher. Vegan.”

Gasoline Alley, 4/30/24

Good news, everyone! Gasoline Alley’s name will forever remain “Gasoline Alley,” just like Walt named it back in the day! Bad news: Walt is about to be aggressively pepper-sprayed for damaging public property, then tasered for “resisting arrest.”