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It’s your first comment of the week of the year! The calendar changes but our storied Friday traditions do not:

“It’s the ultra-modern version of ‘The Gift of the Magi.’ The robot she purchased to do her chores was so expensive that she had to sell all her belongings — and there are no chores left to do. So to paraphrase O. Henry, ‘Now it’s party time!’” –BigTed

And here’s your hilarious runners up!

“If one wants to know how Mary is able to so easily rule over Charterstone, just note that the best educated resident there learned problem solving from old Sylvester and Tweety cartoons.” –Where’s Rocky?

“‘Halp’??? Is Ghost Cat’s other power that he can make people talk like ‘I can haz cheezburger’ lolcats? Is he the ‘ghost’ of a Millennial killed circa 2007, no doubt distracted driving his VW New Beetle while watching Homestar Runner on his Zune?” –Schroduck

“I like to think Sunny and Vixen’s immediate bond is based on mutual antipathy for Ian, and the fact that Vixen has apparently just met Ian makes this interpretation even funnier and no less plausible.” –Violet

“‘That’s a new development.’ In Rex Morgan, M.D.? I doubt it.” –Ettorre

“It appears that Lois has cooked each Flagston a different meal. Their favorites, probably. And they still won’t deign to dine with her!” –Ace

“Actually, Marvin mom is practicing for the glorious day she works up the nerve to stick her head in the oven (she kinda has to ‘warm up to it’ first. Ha, ha, get it?)” –2+2=7

“As Hi and Lois are canonically Millennials, and with rising recession fears, I expect the media to brush off the old chestnut of blaming Millennials for Killing The [Dining Room Furniture] Industry.” –Philip

“I love that Rex is giving, um, Nurse the blankest stare he’s ever blanked! ‘No big deal? But this is about me!’” –Victor Von

“‘I could use the extra holiday cheer. This week … or forever!’ I guess the only question left unanswered is whether it’s suicide or murder/suicide.” –Hibbleton

“Such a sweet story! No wonder Mimi suddenly remembered she was attracted to women and left!” –CanuckDownSouth

“People tend to want their wedding officiants to be someone they know or are close to, which leads to any number of lay people getting an online ordination and when it all inevitably goes bonkers, coming to me shell-shocked, saying ‘I never knew weddings were so crazy.’ I’m telling you now, Coach Luke, hold out for presiding at Gil’s funeral! It’s way simpler and hardly ever involves bridesmaids!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The reason why nobody is turning into stone is because nobody looks service workers in the eye.” –Charterstone: Dune

“What is the beef that pluggers have with the tradition of naming especially large storms? Do they have some kind of ideological opposition to anthropomorphizing? If so, it’d be pretty hypocritical.” –ectojazzmage

“It’s comforting to me that NASCAR most likely finds Gertie as annoying as I do. Why haven’t they disappeared her? They’ve got the power.” –MKay

“Huh, I always thought that NASCAR was a whole organization, but I see here today that it’s actually just one old guy. Does he have a last name or is this a ‘Madonna’ situation?” –pugfuggly

“Tried to research how long ago it was when Dennis took to wearing a helmet while skateboarding. Because I definitely remember when he didn’t. I guess it is more menacing that he has decided that staying alive as long as possible is more important than looking cool.” –I was told there would be no permanent record.

“I’m glad that Lou’s efforts to cheer Dagwood up have been totally fruitless. Suffer, Bumstead! May none of your disgusting meals fill the spiritual void you feel!” –matt w

“The fact that Dagwood alone constitutes a ‘lunch rush’ is something that should worry everyone involved.” –Guts Dozier

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Gil Thorp, 1/9/26

Oh, you thought Gil got engaged because he was “in love” or “haunted by the specter of his mortality and eager to recapture a fleeting taste of youth” or whatever? Wrong! Like all great coaches, Gil is intensely competitive, and since his ex-wife is now a rival Valley Conference coach, he’s competing with her at all levels and at all times. Now, a less enlightened man would see getting engaged as a way to defeat his ex because she can no longer have him; but to Gil, getting married while Mimi strings along her current girlfriend would be the sweetest victory of all because it proves he’s better than her at getting married. In your face, Mimi! Who’s extremely divorced now?

Blondie, 1/9/26

Do you think that the Blondie writing staff gets burned out from churning out weird food verbiage like “holiday eating season” and “eating it forward” week after week? Or do they love it, constantly pushing the envelope with off-putting phrases like “one fat patty at a time,” because their relationship with food is profoundly disordered, just like the beloved comic strip character Dagwood Bumstead?

Intelligent Life, 1/9/26

I gotta disagree here; if my choices are seeing the unpleasant nerds of Intelligent Life discuss franchise movie box office numbers or watching them being hunted for sport, I will take the latter choice every day of the week.

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Wizard of Id, 1/8/26

The syndicated newspaper comics are, among other things, your #1 source for gender stereotypes so out of date that everyone has pretty much forgotten them, like “women love to drag their husbands to the opera even though men find opera boring.” Usually your source for these gags is The Lockhorns, where it’s at least vaguely realistic because they live a mere hour from Lincoln Center via the Long Island Railroad; I suppose you might think the Wizard of Id’s pseudo-medieval setting also makes it a good candidate for opera gags, if you were a philistine who didn’t know that opera originated in the 1600s and didn’t truly flower into the oft-parodied art form we see here until the baroque era. Anyway, this lady has a rare talent that she’s chosen to share with the world, and maybe it makes me a gender traitor, but I feel that she does not deserve to experience the painful and horrifying ideal of transformation into a bird, right here and now, at the height of her career.

Gearhead Gertie, 1/8/26

There was in fact a big NASCAR lawsuit settlement recently, and I’m gonna be real with you, I read some of that article I just linked to but couldn’t really follow what it was about and tapped out around halfway through. I don’t feel too bad about that, though, because I read enough to know that the dispute in hand was between the league and team owners and had nothing to do with anything that might get free tickets to fans, so apparently I understood it better than NASCAR superfan Gearhead Gertie.

Dennis the Menace, 1/8/26

I guess Mr. Wilson is supposed to be hinting darkly that Dennis may someday move on from childish menacing and become some sort of evil dictator or criminal mastermind and menace the whole world, but I think he’s letting his endless antagonism with the boy cloud his judgement. Dennis is actually pretty dumb, and I’ve seen no indication that he has the intention or the ability to better himself. It might still be annoying living next door to him when he’s an adult, but I think most of us will be safe.