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Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 5/9/26

Snuffy sure looks smug, doesn’t he? He shouldn’t, though: cultivating the favorite food source of your primary prey animal sounds clever, but it represents the first step on the road to agriculture, which leads to more advanced and economically complex societies, which in turn leads to Snuffy having to get a job. Beware!

Pluggers, 5/9/26

Honestly very thankful that they chose a plugger with an emergency-level headache attacking an aspirin bottle with a nail file as the visual here, and not a sweaty, increasingly agitated plugger sitting on the toilet tearing wrapping away from a roll of toilet paper. Bless you, Pluggers, for taking the high road in response to this entry.

B.C., 5/9/26

Tycho Brahe is pretty famous for a 16th century Danish astronomer, which is to say that he’s not very famous at all, and I honestly wonder if there’s anyone out there who knows who he is but doesn’t know that he had a brass prosthetic nose (he lost most of his nose in college in a drunken duel with his cousin over who was a better mathematician, respect). And then how does “people who read B.C.” fit into this Venn diagram? Much to think about.

Pickles, 5/9/26

This week’s Pickles strips have been about how Grandpa Pickles, sick of his wife telling him he’s bad at picking out matching pants and shirts, has gotten really into jumpsuits. This is all fun and games until you can’t get them off fast enough and then piss yourself, apparently.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/9/26

Ha, Lonnie, you thought this freelance paparazzi/blackmail scam would be easy money, huh? Well, what if you have to get involved in some cuck stuff to pull it off, huh? Because it seems like you might have to get involved in some cuck stuff.

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May! The glorious month of May, and it’s delightful comment of the week!

“You might think this is standard Funkyverse sub-wordplay, but in fact it’s something much more exciting: Crankshaft is saying, in his typically mangled fashion, that his health insurance provider has denied him coverage for a life-saving balloon angioplasty.” –Vulpes

The runners up? You’d better believe they’re very funny.

“‘Loneliness makes a person do some wacky things,” says the woman who adopted a parrot 2 days after her husband flew out for a conference.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“Just a few more minor details to iron out, but I’m 90% there on my self-guided tour of Neo-Chicago. I knew I didn’t need a travel agent to help me!” –But What Do I Know?

“Harvey’s daughter will explain him that sex is expensive and dangerous, but there are other ways to reproduce. That’s why her sons are clearly clones.” –Ettorre

“The staff at the spa turn the hot tub setting to ‘tempest’ to hasten Mary’s departure but to no avail. They’ll need permission from corporate before going full ‘cauldron.’”–Hibbleton

“Makes sense that the Phantom would use a standing desk to stay swole.” –matt w

“It stands to reason that Mary would have brought her purple cowl to Claremont. Otherwise, her streak of having worn it for 853 consecutive days would have been interrupted.” –Bob Tice

“I kinda like the idea that being a Gen Xer is just a lifestyle choice, or possibly a Halloween costume, and if you get tired of it you can switch to something else. I’m contemplating a move to lumberjack, myself.” –Peanut Gallery

“The librarian in me is wondering how all the information in the Chronicles of Skull Cave is indexed. I mean, obviously anyone who is still updating via quill and ink pot hasn’t gotten around to getting the whole thing digitized, but does it include cross-references? Who updates the bibliography — does the Ghost Who Walks have to do that after his nightly journaling session, or is there an archivist among the Bandar? The fact that I’m asking these questions in a plot that started with a terrorist getting sprung from prison by an alien shows how much hope I have for the payoff of that premise.” –TheDiva

“Oh, darlings, that shade of gray is NOBODY. And here you are, let’s fix one bad decision” –A Grave Mind

“Is this a train? It seems to be about twenty feet wide and have lace curtains on the windows. I’m pretty sure this is someone’s living room. Someone’s living room with a stripper pole in the middle, upon which Leroy is just about to unleash a true horror.” –Schroduck

“You’d look shocked too if you were presented with plot hole this wide.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Alice’s old car gets her where she wants to go, which seems to be … traffic court … for giants?” –Kevyn on Video

“Is that ‘clearly’ Mumbles on the security camera, DT? Because it looks like a generic black-and-white sketch to me. What’s the point of having huge cast of grotesque supervillain-adjacent criminals if you’re not going to draw them?” –Victor Von

“I remember it like it was yesterday. Brandy had just gotten some life-changing news about her family, but I was too distracted by the Great Gazoo to notice.” –Joe Blevins

“‘…and here’s why that’s trouble. MMR vaccination rates are way down across the Neo-Chicago region.’ ‘Tracy, you’re thinking of Mumples, the guy with the really swollen neck.’” –Voshkod

“Gerads wants to go to the wedding so he can object when the minster asked if anyone has a reason why these two should not be married. Thorp can’t waste his energy on matrimony! He has to devote one hundred percent of his life to coaching to make his defeat to Gerads all the more devastating!” –Lauralot

“[two hours later] …fuck this, I’m smoking meth!” –pugfuggly

“‘I’m going to Florida to visit my long-lost relative to find out why father abused me.’ ‘I love Florida! It’ll be great!’ ‘Do you listen to yourself? That inappropriate response is exactly why you’re not going.’ ‘Sunshine! Miami Beach! Key West! The Marlins!’ ‘Okay, I’m leaving for the airport now.’ ‘The Everglades! Busch Gardens! Conch fritters! Oranges!’” –BigTed

“Lt. Fuzz is so shocked, he’s gradually turning into a Peanuts character. Good grief!” –The Rambling Otter

“Unnamed female soldier is full of good ideas. Her forehead grows perceptibly in the second panel. She has begun her transformation into A Huge Ever Growing Pulsating Brain That Rules From the Centre of Camp Swampy.” –nescio

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Beetle Bailey, 5/8/26

I honestly am not sure if the joke here is simply “Lt. Fuzz is humiliated because Gen. Halftrack takes an enlisted soldier’s advice instead of his” (I assume she’s enlisted because she wears the same uniform as Beetle — I’m not sure how that relates to actual U.S. Army uniforms but I’m confident Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC isn’t either) or if there’s another possibility lurking, which is that the General is being agreeable with this soldier because she’s a pretty lady. That’s in character, but it requires us to interpret some ambiguous visual cues — are Halftrack’s eyes particularly bugged out in panel one or am I imagining it? is “blonde” a guaranteed marker of attractiveness in the Baileyverse? — and, maybe it’s mean to say this, but I personally think that it would all be easier to parse if the art in this strip were, you know, good.

Crankshaft, 5/8/26

Ed Crankshaft is old, and someday soon he’s gonna die, and maybe that’ll start with him just being overcome with all-pervasive tiredness as his body shuts down. Now, that’s not happening today, I’m pretty sure, but I am heartened to think that he’ll definitely be making some incomprehensible wordplay while it happens.