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Mary Worth, 6/13/26

Dawn’s never alone because of her friends! You know, like Cathy, who’s always eating giant salads, and other Cathy, who Dawn probably drifted away from because she didn’t “get” Dawn’s weird and possibly sexual relationship with her art history professor, and her terrible ex-boyfriend Jared, who dumped her and then bullied her into being friends with him so he could feel OK about getting together with the girl he dumped her for, and … uh, I think that’s it. Well, there’s Mary, I guess. She’s sort of a friend. And Tommy! Over the course of the day they’ve at least become friendly. That’s close enough, right?

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/13/26

The good news is that Ma Goose is now reciting her tepid jokes at some random character we’ve never seen before instead of just saying them into the phone. The bad news is that she looks terrible. I think she might be dying?

Six Chix, 6/13/26

Hey, wouldn’t it be interesting if your dog were chased by some kind of giant, nightmarish bug creature? Have a fun weekend, everybody!

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Let’s skip the pleasantries and get to the most pleasant thing of all: the comment … of the WEEK!

“When Prussian gymnast and bodybuilder Joseph Pilates developed a mind-body method of strength training with a spring-based apparatus in the early 20th century — one that would become popular with ballet dancers and eventually enter the mainstream fitness world — he never could have known that many decades later, a U.S. federal court would declare that his very last name was a generic term, and that anyone could use the word ‘Pilates,’ whether or not they joined the Pilates Method Alliance professional organization. Heck, they could even have a talking dog mispronounce his name in a comic strip as a way of making a cheap pun, if they wanted to. It’s a funny, funny world sometimes, even if you wouldn’t know that from the punchline.” –BigTed

Your runners up? Very enjoyable as well:

“Is ‘Chill and Cuddle’ just ‘Netflix and Chill,’ but you avoid referencing the trademark because it could create legal problems? Or does it imply a lower grade of physical affections, i.e., handjobs?” –Ettorre

“You know Dawn, its one thing when someone makes a self-deprecating joke about the tenuousness of their state of sobriety, its another when your barely-friend jumps in to agree. ‘Haha, it’s true: it’s only by the grace of God that you’re not relapsing right now! It’s funny ‘cuz you’re weak!’” –pugfuggly

“Sure, why not lead off your comic strip about the tenuous nature of sobriety with a quote from noted teetotaler Winston Churchill?” –TimP

“The artist may be trying to draw ‘tender moment just before lips meet,’ but I see ‘Mae Mae falling asleep on her feet waiting for the kiss, Mud missing this (and her lips!) as his lean-in overbalances and they both tumble to the floor, Mae gently snoring.’” –CanuckDownSouth

“Look at that fox’s expression; it’s obvious that Beetle didn’t do any digging at all, just commandeered a hole and rendered a noble beast of the wilderness homeless. Whatever Beetle pieces are left by Sarge’s pummeling will be eaten with great satisfaction as the fox returns to its diggings.” –Buck Ripsnort

“You’re so unappreciative, Sarge! You know how long it took for me to get the fox for this foxhole? I got bit a hundred times! Oh, uh, by the way, does army health insurance cover rabies vaccinations? Just curious.” –ectojazzmage

“And she looks for information the way all kids today would: in a giant, hardcover book that looks like something a wizard might use when casting a spell.” –Joe Blevins

“The old guy next door said this kid spends his whole day wandering the neighborhood unsupervised, thinks the social worker, but that’s clearly the least of it. What sort of sick psychosexual drama is this woman playing out, putting on an apron and fixing a full supper for a six-year-old in the middle of the day? Is this going on TikTok, or worse? Good thing he called me. ‘No, thank you, Alice, was it? It’s a little early for sherry, don’t you think? Now let’s just take a quick look at this paperwork.’” –a.

“Dennis’s drinking glass is also full of mashed potatoes, if the way that straw is sticking straight up is anything to go by.” –Vulpes

“‘Do you mean the controlling being that I’m beholden to in an infinite number of ways? The Forge of the Keys and the Opener of the Ways? The Igniter and Devourer of Stars? The Alpha, Omega, and [infrasonic scream]? The Marrow in my Bones and the Beat of my Heart?’ ‘Ba.’ ‘Oh, well, it is not a man, it is something both beyond and beneath humanity. It’s also not toilet trained.’” –Voshkod

“On the flip side, the father’s imaginative comebacks are doing untold damage to the baby’s language development. The baby makes a best effort at ‘want food’ and gets a three-minute soliloquy on the funk-rock genre. The baby tries again and the father talks about circus acrobats. It won’t be long before the kid gives up on language as a bad idea.” –Ken

“At this point, Lonnie should go full-metal passive aggressive, and stick around. ‘Hey, guys, how’s stuff? Anybody wanna buy any of the shit I guess I sell? Nah, nah, I’m still not a member of Steely Dan.’” –A Grave Mind

“‘Baby, you put the cum in cumulonimbus!’ (I am so sorry.)” –Pozzo

“It’s only taken a few decades, but someone has finally noticed how rich Jim Davis is and has decided to get Heathcliff into the merchandising racket. ‘Oh boy! It’s Heathcliff’s car! Can I get it, mommy?’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“By bursting in and ominously declaring ‘Your days are numbered,’ Grandma Keane wanted to destroy her family psychologically through paranoia. But what she didn’t account for is that they’re also very stupid.” –Schroduck

“Welcome to Plot Synopsis, the Animated Series…” –Victor Von

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Beetle Bailey, 6/12/26

Whoa, looks like America’s foremost military-themed comic strip is going to take on the extremely current and relevant topic of women in the military! Anyway, a woman shouldn’t be in the military, because what if a guy hits on her in the middle of combat, and then she murders him with the gun that they give you before they send you into combat.

Family Circus, 6/12/26

I do enjoy the cold, calculating way in which Grandma is regarding Dolly here. “Oh, I could tell her the exact date and time when she’ll pass away, of course. I know it. I know it well. But I won’t tell yet. I’ll wait until she really displeases me.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/12/26

OH, DO YOU THINK REX MORGAN, M.D., IS BORING? WELL, WOULD ALL THIS WACKY STUFF HAPPEN TO A NON-MAIN CHARACTER IN A BORING COMIC STRIP???