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Just kiddin’! No day in which you receive a hilarious comment of the week could possible be that scary:

“Q: Why is the sky in Pluggertown dingy pink, while the bushes are an angry, orangey red? A: Pluggertown is a physical part of Hell! Seems impossible, but that’s the magic of the comic page!” –Victor Von

And your runners up? Safe as can be (and hilarious):

“A group of citizens driving in a vehicle decorated with ‘My Other Car is a Tractor’ stickers pull up while the driver announces into the CB: ‘Cancel the silver alert. We found him.’” –Hibbleton

“The fourth panel is amazing. This is probably the first time in decades that Mary — basically an omniscient being if not straightforwardly omnibenevolent — was caught flat-footed by lack of information on her target. She panicked, but quickly recovered. Still, she will have to put more money in the secret police.” –Ettorre

“Goddammit, I actually have been brainstorming baby names the last couple of days. I think it should be something fire-related. Torch? Scorch? Are those names? How about Ashley?” –Joe Blevins

“I refuse to believe the Pluggerville city limit just has a simple road sign, and not an elaborate sign that says ‘Welcome to Pluggerville: Pop. 15,420’ (number frequently updated), with 20 badges for Rotary, Moose, Elk, and VFW clubs. (Which blocks another sign suddenly dropping the speed limit from 45 to 25, which is how the town gets all its civic funding.)” –BigTed

“Herb has done something that made national news, and he’s desperately waiting for something worse to happen.” –johnny lt

“This really is a SIGN OF THE TIMES: Alice is the last person left on the planet who still sends personal emails.” –Schroduck

“Alice’s friend desperately throws out setups for jokes in the hope Alice will provide a punchline. Alice steadfastly refuses. They have been going at this for hours.” –ectojazzmage

“Pretty sad that while most little boys will dream of being pilots, these two dream of one day catching a standby flight to Des Moines.” –pugfuggly

“For Mary Worth, ‘Joy’s something that’s been lacking in my life. Let me tell you why…’ is about as direct and effective as foreplay gets. Look at her face! She entered this apartment moments ago ready to annihilate the condo’s resident gossip. Now she’s halfway to climax! If Dr. Jeff only knew these magic words, she’d never let him leave the house.” –Kevyn on Video

“Does Thirsty also get a new pillow case? Or is that what the underwear is for?” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“As he stared at the water bottle, the chill of autumn and the peace of the woods was ripped away, and he was back in the humidity of the Ia Drang valley, the chatter of the Viet Cong machine guns like a hundred sewing machines, the shadows of the gunships zipping overhead. Sarge was down and the LT was panicking and Gooney and Blackie had been hit and then that sudden impact on his hip, his side and leg wet, and he knew this was it, a hit to the femoral and his blood was everywhere but when he put his hand on it there was no pain, just cool water, and his canteen, the canteen he had filled to the brim that morning, had taken the round meant to kill him. ‘Could a plastic water bottle do that?’ he screamed to the uncaring autumn sky while his children tried, once again, to get him to see the VA psychiatrist.” –Voshkod

“Back in my day, the only way to get a canteen of water was to join the army and go to war. What’s that? Really? Shoot, guess I got had.” –BillieVee

“Alice cartoonist, why do you assume the recipient of Alice’s gift needs etiquette training? Maybe s/he just really doesn’t like Alice! Worth considering!” –Uncle Lumpy

“You might think this tiny man wouldn’t be very useful in combat, but judging by his gnarled hand he’s actually a powerful ancient wizard, and I’m sure such a person would be good to have on your side during the Korean War.” –Vulpes

“Since the writer of this strip can’t be arsed to even pretend to relate it to anything resembling legal drama, let me do it for you: Kat fails to get the part, divorces Ronnie, the settlement of which hinges on whether an ‘anything could happen’ shrug constitutes an implied contract.” –Charterstone: Dune

“One of the benefits of ignoring the official Mary Worth site and only reading the strip sporadically on The Comics Curmudgeon is that you get to jump from the segue into Nelly Feneley/Fenele’s backstory (on Nov. 10) to the strip where the first line is, ‘You’re right, Mary’ (on Nov. 13) and it just saves everyone (me) a lot of time skipping over the tiresome stuff in between. We all know Mary’s going to end up being right, we don’t need to see how the dots get connected, or even what the dots are at all.” –JeffMcm

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Judge Parker, 11/13/26

So, hey, remember how Neddy and her roommate Ronnie sold a Netflix show about the Spencer-Driver clan’s ties to notorious CIA assassin April, and then Kat, the actress hired to play Neddy who looked uncannily like her, started dating Ronnie, which wasn’t psychosexually weird at all? Well, Neddy and Ronnie have now sold a show about the Spencer-Driver clan’s ties to notorious scam artist Ann, and for everyone who’s been like, “Gee, Ann sure is drawn a lot like Neddy, do they not have that many models of brunette in the Parkerverse or what,” I guess you just didn’t want poor Kat to find work, huh? Are you happy about the strain their financial problems have put on her relationship with Ronnie? You make me sick.

(Just as a side note, when I was poking through my archives looking for the backstory on this, I discovered this post from 2021 where I mentioned perusing the Judge Parker Wikipedia article and discovering that Randy had a long-lost sister named Ann, something that I had apparently completely forgotten by the time Ann reappeared in the strip two and a half years later).

Mary Worth, 11/13/26

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that Nelly confessed to Mary that the reason she’s a miserable, hateful monster is that she had a daughter who died some unspecified amount of time ago and she’s still very sad about it, and Mary, who at one point canonically had a dead husband who now she never talks or thinks about, immediately launched into her patented therapy technique of telling someone to simply use the force of their will to stop being sad by any means necessary. Sometimes this involves forcing the subject to focus their thoughts on happiness to the exclusion of all else or alter their own memories, but she’s starting small, with hobbies. Nelly, have you considered that going outside and playing some sport might take your mind off your inconsolable grief? Oh, arthritis? Hmm. Well, have you considered starting cruel rumors about others to make sure that the rest of the world suffers just like you do?

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Dick Tracy, 11/12/26

BIG REVEAL IN DICK TRACY: That weird tiny old man who gets carried around everywhere is a Marine who fought in a battle that took place 76 years ago, which means he’s in his early-to-mid 90s at this point. Presumably back then he was a weird tiny young man who got carried around everywhere, so I’m not sure how effective he was in combat. You’d think this big reveal would’ve been more appropriate for Veterans Day, but I guess Dick Tracy has agreed to cede that holiday to Pluggers, which I respect.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/12/26

The composition of this strip bothers me so much! Why do we need Grimm to say the title of the book, and Attila to react to it, when we can also see it printed on the cover? Like it should’ve been Grimm’s dialogue in panel two and then the visual of Ralph in panel three. That’s all you need! Maybe the artist thought, “Oh, I have to have him say it out loud, because some people only listen to the dialog and never read anything,” which doesn’t make sense but makes more sense than anything else.

Luann, 11/12/26

I decided to free myself from reading Luann daily around 2014, and then, for reasons I cannot really articulate, I decided to start inflicting it upon myself again in 2025. All sorts of horrible things happened during that lacuna, I’m sure, most of which I blessedly have no knowledge of, but I am vaguely aware that there was some tragic non-romance storyline between Bernice and a tortured artist type. I was not aware that there were sexy (?) shoes involved in her abortive seduction attempt, and I probably would’ve happily gone to my grave never knowing, but now I will always be cursèd by this particular bit of knowledge. I wouldn’t have bought shoes with that backstory either, mysterious off-panel stranger!

Alice, 11/12/26

BIG REVEAL IN ALICE: That email that Alice was waiting for? It was a thank-you email! STAKES: RAISED