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Hi and Lois, 11/18/25

Sorry, Lois. The latest Gen Alpha trend is eldermaxxing. Kids are putting on their grandpa’s clothes, and they’re so young they don’t even remember the Macklemore song so they don’t think it’s cringe. They’re shoplifting Ben Gay from local pharmacies so they can get the smell right. They’re setting off airhorns near each other’s ears so they can get into the “Eh? What’s that, sonny?” vibe. It’s happening all over the country and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll beg for skibidi toilet or “6-7” or whatever when Chip starts demanding dinner at 4:45 p.m. so he can finish in time to doze off in front of the local news.

Archie, 11/18/25

Sure, yes, Jughead’s hat is dumb-looking, or at least extremely out of date, but here’s the thing, Reggie: he’s been wearing it, depending on how you think of the chronology, either since 1941 or the whole time you’ve been in high school together. Everyone has already arrived at an opinion about it, and probably has pretty much stopped thinking about it, years ago! What made you think this would be a successfully sick burn that would raise your clout amongst your peers?

Dennis the Menace, 11/18/25

Now, Reggie, this is a sick burn. This is genuinely the most menacing thing Dennis has said in years, in that it’s simultaneously very funny and also if he said it to me I would die inside. The face he’s making is also great! Kudos all around.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/18/25

I love that she distinguishes between “the god Baldr” and just plain Thor. I assume this means she’s referring not to Baldr’s brother, the storm god, but just some guy named Thor, maybe one of their neighbors. His face is enh but he’s extremely ripped.

Beetle Bailey, 11/18/25

Hey, now, Killer — Otto walks around on two legs and wears human clothes! He’s not stupid at all, and honestly I’m not 100% convinced that he’s a dog.

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Shoe, 11/17/25

I was about to get really mad and go on a diatribe about how graves are famously clearly labelled with both the occupant’s name and date of death, but then I realized that this bird lady has been dancing on an unmarked grave, and generally the only way you know the location of an unmarked grave is if you’ve dug it yourself. Years ago, she ambushed and murdered someone in the dark who she thought was Shoe and buried them deep in the woods; she occasionally returns to it to celebrate her victory over her tormentor with choreography, but today she decided to visit some of his old haunts to find out what legacy he left behind, only to be confronted with knowledge that has truly merited the patented Shoe goggle eyes of horror.

Mary Worth, 11/17/25

Uh, excuse me, Narration Box, that’s not just “the veterinarian,” that’s beloved Mary Worth tertiary character/Wilbur’s ex’s new husband, Dr. Ed! And boy, he looks happy, doesn’t he? Maybe it’s because he’s settling into the joy of married life now that the emotionally grueling wedding planning process is over, or maybe it’s just that today for once he gets to offer simple, helpful advice like “add good quality pellets to the food you give him” instead of euthanizing a bunch of dogs. And if his animal hospital is the only local vendor of the parrot pellet brand he recommends, well, that’s just an added bonus.

Hi and Lois, 11/17/25

Look, Lois, you have an infant and cannot be much older than your early 40s, you do not remember when streaking was a fad. Though I guess it’s possible that there’s more of an age gap here than meets the eye and her question isn’t rhetorical. “Remember when streaking was a fad?” asks Lois (born in 1986). “Was it, like, during the first Clinton Administration? I think I have vague memories of it as a kid.” Hi (born in 1967) sighs heavily.

Dick Tracy, 11/17/25

Ha ha yes, the, uh, the Ghost Cat. The … Ghost Cat. The beloved character (?) that we all know (??) and love (???). The cat who’s a ghost, and also, in certain jurisdictions albeit not this one, a duly appointed law enforcement officer. Very normal! Ghost Cat!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/16/25

Poor Slick Smitty. He thought he had found a way to beat Slylock at his own game by not technically lying as part of his scheme. Even Slylock had to chuckle ruefully and acknowledge that the sign said “see the signing clam,” not “hear” it! Sadly, if you flip your screen upside down, you will learn that Slylock was able to “convince” Smitty to return his customers’ money, presumably by threatening him with the full force of the Forest Kingdom’s monopoly on violence, even though he violated no law, because that’s just how the new regime rolls when it comes to humans. The clam presumably remained enslaved.

Crankshaft, 11/16/25

Look, not to get close to finding Crankshaft relatable or anything, but a thing about getting older is that you’ll think “C’mon, this aspect of culture is relatively recent,” and then you look it up and it’s actually like 10 or 15 years old, and there are plenty of people who are full-on adults now who would never remember a time it didn’t exist. Anyway, I was about to go on a quest to figure out when the whole pickleball craze took off, got as far as some suggestions that the game (which has been around since the ’60s, and was invented by the last Republican to serve as Lieutenant Governor of Washington) became popular as an outdoor activity during the COVID-19 lockdowns, then dug into my archives and discovered that these teen twins were tweens or maybe even younger in a 2021 strip and decided, you know what? I’m gonna let this one go. I’ll allow it. Ha ha, to a young person, ping pong would seem like a pickleball variant, wouldn’t it?

Dick Tracy, 11/16/25

“Oh ho ho,” quite a few of you said, last week, “I’ll bet Rojo Ozob is some kind of villainous clown, what with ‘Ozob’ being an anagram for ‘Bozo.'” Well, you were right. There he is, plain as day: a villainous clown, realistic, tough-looking, and maybe even a little sexy. I hope you’re all happy. God have mercy on your souls.