The Comics Curmudgeon

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5

Anyone is welcome to option my writing and make something god-awful out of it, I don’t care anymore

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Pluggers, 10/21/26

Man, I don’t know, this one is pretty grim even for Pluggers. Like, my elementary school was in Buffalo, NY — a place I hold in a great deal of affection, but it’s not what you’d call one of the more prosperous places in America — and the building has been converted into condos. Other people might find the site of their old school now occupied by a strip mall, or a parking lot, or the town dump, something reflecting continued local economic activity of some sort. But where pluggers grew up and went to school? They’re just tearing it all down and leaving nothing behind. Letting the whole area revert to prairie and evacuating the residents. This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/21/26

We’re on day three of Augie lowering Summer’s expectations about what his book getting optioned might mean. Today’s topic: What if, against all odds, they do make a movie or a TV show out of your book, and it sucks? Totally a thing that could happen! I mean, lots of movies and TV shows are pretty bad, when you think about it. And, be honest with yourself: is your book even any good in the first place? Maybe just cash those little checks when they come in and be thankful!

Dick Tracy, 10/21/26

“Well, let’s see, I’m wearing an all-white uniform and an old-timey nurse’s cap, and carrying the patriarch of the house around, so, uh, I’m gonna let you take a second to come to some conclusions for yourself about what exactly my role is, detective.”

164

The computers are actually responsible for a lot of the other problems

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Blondie, 10/20/26

I feel like panel one here is a great illustration of what a gormless dipshit the current iteration of Dagwood Bumstead is. He’s the type of guy who watches an ad for a car dealership, and the narrator of the ad announces that the car dealership hired a surprise pitchman, and he’s so surprised that he yelps out “HUH?” and gesticulates around wildly. I don’t really have a strong opinion about the Santa stuff, it’s legit to be unhappy about that but also legit to not care or even to be kind of excited about Christmas months in advance, I just have contempt for a guy who allows himself to be fully emotionally invested in the narrative arc of a 30-second local ad spot.

Mary Worth, 10/20/26

Looks like all’s well that’s ending well for Toby and Ian! I guess the lesson learned is that if there are rumors flying around about your husband’s infidelity and you’re thinking about confronting him, maybe don’t? Or maybe just wait till you actually get to the restaurant, because there’s a good chance a surprise party is awaiting you there and it’s going to make all these problems go away. Imagine how awkward it would be if you started a big fight in the car on the way over!

Shoe, 10/20/26

“And you’re gonna have those too, now that a critical mass of people have decided to stop vaccinating their kids! Hope you enjoy your computers, I guess.”

139

Soap opera? Wrong, an opera has high stakes

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Rhymes With Orange, 10/19/26

Ha ha, wouldn’t it be funny if a tortoise made glasses out of his own shell, and tried to sell them from a little stand at the side of the road, while he was dying, literally dying, because a tortoise’s shell isn’t just a container or an outfit, it’s a part of his skeleton and he can’t survive without it? It’s marginally funnier than if a happy beshellèd tortoise was selling the glasses and there was a pile of shucked and mangled tortoise corpses behind him, I guess.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/19/26

It’s really funny that Rex Morgan, M.D., used to be a strip where the main characters got free stuff all the time and now it’s the strip that teaches you to manage your expectations that anything might change your life for the better in a truly significant way. Like, did your book (you can’t make enough from selling books to live off of anymore,FYI) get optioned by Hollywood? Great! Almost nothing that gets optioned ever gets made, by the way. The realistic best case scenario is that every other year some low-ranking executive at whatever conglomerated streaming service inherited the option rights from its predecessor companies realizes that the option is about to lapse, and instead of trying to figure out if anyone is actually developing something based on your IP, they just renew the option and send you another four-digit check. That’s a nice little bit of change, if you’ve still got a regular job, which you hopefully do! Use it to take your girlfriend out for Thai food and stick the rest in your 401k, that’s my advice!

Judge Parker, 10/19/26

Once again there was Neddy-Charlotte-April drama arising from April’s inability to attend to parental duties after being whisked off by the CIA for interrogation, and there was a lot of hurt feelings that were papered over by apologies that were not accompanied by explanations. This could go on forever, so Charlotte is taking matters into her own hands by joining, or possibly founding, a leftist paramilitary gang. Take that, mother!