It’s full-on spring now, and the comments are blooming into this fine comment of the week!
That metaphor … didn’t really work? Anyway, spring, nice weather, blah blah, these runners up are very funny
“It’s cool that Hi wants to do the Harpo thing and watch this all unfold while just making dumb expressions, but can we get this man a slide whistle? A bike horn? Something? ‘We’re getting drinks with these guys, see you whenever we’re done! ‘HONK … honk.’” –A Grave Mind
“I like him because he’s literally anyone other than a member of my horrible family!” –Peanut Gallery
“Maybe you should buy multiple copies of the newspaper. That way, everyone could get their own and you wouldn’t have to do … whatever this is.” –Joe Blevins
“I hate that ‘Bean’s End’ is the catalog Crankshaft orders gardening supplies from when there are real-life and quite famous catalogs for L.L.Bean and Land’s End, neither of which are gardening companies. Puns are nominally your whole thing! Nobody made you give up cancer, that was your choice!” –Dan
“Golf on the radio! Could anything be more boring? What about golf on video streaming, but the camera only records the journalist?” –Ettorre
“Look, I get it, it’s golf, the lingo is what it is, but when a guy whose last name is Moon and who dresses like Don Johnson Goes to Margaritaville uses the phrase ‘nine holes of stroke play,’ I feel like maybe it’s time to put down the comics page and take in a rousing morning’s church service. Confessional, here I come!” –els
“Because those are petroglyphs and they predate written language by thousands of years, Leroy, you doorknob. No wonder your marriage is a shambles!” –Tabby Lavalamp
“So that’s why Sharon has been so busy — she’s serving aboard the Starship Enterprise as a science officer.” –Johnny lt
“Knowing that Dustdad’s bitter, misanthropic attitude stems from his feelings of being lost and adrift in a world that’s moving too fast for him makes me … happy that he’s suffering, really. I hope every day a new app comes out that he doesn’t know how to use. I hope every child that crosses his path runs up to him, yells ‘six-seven’ and runs away laughing while he loudly demands to know what that means. I hope the teller at the bank asks him for the security password he set for his account and he doesn’t remember it.” –TheDiva
“Being asked to prove his humanity with a CAPTCHA is an existential crisis for a man who spent decades avoided the least bit of self-reflection.” –Philip
“Granted it has been a long time since I’ve sent in an actual paper tax return, but should it fit so nicely in a little envelope like that? Or maybe CatMan simply writes ‘I do not recognize the authority of your False Corporatist Government’ on a sheet of paper along with a scanned copy of his signed social security card.” –pugfuggly
“Lonnie sells office Dieffenbachia houseplants. ‘Look how big and healthy it is! We can’t seem to get them to die. I’m afraid we won’t be ordering any replacements this season, sorry.’” –Ukulele Ike
“Jesus, Thirsty, just file an extension. It’s a signature, a Social Security Number, and you’ll have until October 15. You can sober up by October.” –Doc Wonmug
“Henry is concentrating so hard because if he can get a tax refund, he’ll finally be able to afford a vacuum cleaner so Alice doesn’t have to sweep the house with a cartoon witch’s broomstick any more.” –Schroduck
“Every year the baseball season begins a little earlier. It’s been a long time indeed since it began in mid-April. How long? Well, it was back when the creators of Blondie were paying attention to outside reality. That’s how long.” –Rube
“Wait, so this guy is a young man? He doesn’t look like it, he looks the same approximate age as Dagwood, or maybe even older. If he is young, why is he hanging out with Dagwood, who holds young people in contempt? Anyway don’t let this man’s ambiguous age distract you from his desire to fuck a baseball player, or possibly a baseball.” –Vulpes
“We all gas on the Bumsteads’ weird living room arrangement — Blondie’s tiny chair, turned 90 degrees away from Dagwood etc. — but if my choices were whatever weird gastronomic reality TV perversion Dagwood’s been ‘binging’ lately or a green–blue shimmering void, I’d choose the void too.” –Charterstone: Dune
“Oh look, Andy Capp finally passed the Bechdel Test after all these years.” –Gordogato
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