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Crankshaft, 8/10/26

You know how when you’ve been experiencing pain for a while so it’s become just kind of background radiation in your life, when it abates the absence of sensation feels actively pleasurable? That’s what I’m assuming is happening here: Pam had instinctively steeled herself to receive some gibberish pun-like utterance from her father, but then he just said some mostly coherent dribble of Chicken Soup for the Soul, and now she’s positively beaming about it. Obviously this is even less of a “punchline” than you usually get in this strip, but maybe reading one of the only Funkyverse strips ever where everybody involved is more or less happy is its own reward.

Alice, 8/10/26

I’m assuming we’re supposed to understand “The Marketplace” as Amazon or eBay or Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist or something, but maybe Alice’s boyfriend is talking about, like, the marketplace as an abstract concept? Maybe Alice has crafted the perfect computer virus that’s going to destroy capitalism, and she just has to do “one more thing” to end all forms of buying and selling, forever.

Mary Worth, 8/10/26

Here’s a thing about Wilbur: he could’ve been fucking your mom for years and that wouldn’t make you his friend. You’ve got to go out for ice cream with him and conspicuously not mention the fact that he got a triple scoop and it’s melting all over everything to earn that status!

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Shoe, 8/9/26

Hey, uh, Shoe, what’s goin’ on over there, kids-wise? You don’t like kids? You’re doing a comic for the last remaining old people who still read newspapers and counting on them being not doting grandparents, but the kind of old people who don’t like kids, possibly because they don’t have grandkids or have them but don’t get along with them, so nobody’s taught them how to use TikTok, which is why they’re still reading the newspaper?

Dennis the Menace, 8/9/26

I guess I don’t spend a ton of time with young people either, but I’m still pretty sure there aren’t a ton of zoomers out there named “Darian,” or people of any generation, really. Yeah, this girl is a zoomer, I know everyone in this strip looks like they were born in 1956, but Dennis’s family has access to computers and such, she was definitely born in the 21st century! And yeah, she’s named “Darian,” I guess!

Mary Worth, 8/9/26

Ha ha! Addicted to ice cream? Could you even imagine? A world where “compulsive eating” was a real thing, and indeed was something that recovering drug or alcohol addicts sometimes fall into as their addictive behavior shifts? What a laff!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/9/26

Snuffy definitely bought a bunch of circus animals at fire sale prices and ate them and now is haunted by thoughts of their vengeance, c’mon, why are you lying to us about this

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/8/26

So, ah, what do you think that foodstuff is that Superman is slicing in half with his (I assume) heat vision? Is it a deep dish pizza, half cheese and half pepperoni? Some kind of custard tart with fruit on only half of it? Assuming that the “topping on only half” part is deliberate, why would Supes be slicing the appetizer in half in a way that each half has some topping and some not? And could either a pizza or a tart really be considered an “appetizer,” anyway? BUT: what if I told you that this is all a distraction from the real issue, which is that Mother Goose, who has a boyfriend, is on what appears to be a date with the Man of Steel, who, I haven’t really been keeping up but he generally has a couple ladies whose affections he’s juggling as well, right? What is going on here? Scandalous!

Hi and Lois, 8/8/26

Sure, this looks like a couple of suburban bros enjoying a little light erotic hosefun, but think about it for a moment: Hi declares that it’s hot enough to spray Thirsty with his hose, which implies that there are situations where Thirsty would be uncomfortable enough to ask but Hi would deem the weather too mild and would then withhold the desired soaking. In other words, it’s a little BDSM-flavored light erotic hosefun.

Marvin, 8/8/26

I like how Marvin’s grandpa tried to do a cute little joke to make light of the pain constantly besetting his aging body, but it doesn’t work to lighten his or Bernie’s spirits and neither of them can muster a smile. Usually when I write a sentence like this starting with “I like how…” I’m being sarcastic, but not in this case. I bear animus towards all the characters in Marvin, even the ancillary ones, and I revel in their unbroken experience of misery.