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The Phantom, 7/30/26

The question of how an elected civilian government can keep control of its own security services is as old as democracy itself, and you have to imagine the issue is a delicate one in Bangalla, a relatively young post-colonial republic where the main paramilitary answers to a dude who lives in a cave and has much of the country believing he’s a ghost. Still, President Luaga is doing his best, letting the Ghost Who Could Probably Do A Coup If He Wanted know that he’s very disappointed about this whole “leave a supervillain in an open-air cage for years where it would be very easy for drones to free him” situation by glowering meaningfully during a Zoom call.

Six Chix, 7/30/26

Now, I’m not a doctor, but I am a comics blogger with literally decades of experience, and I can tell you that in both these scenarios that guy has Xes for eyes, which means he’s dead. Dead! Don’t worry, doctors, you don’t need to trouble yourselves, go about your business.

Gearhead Gertie, 7/30/26

I was going to do a joke about how all this time Gertie has yearned to be part of a throuple, and that the “3” t-shirts she wears constantly aren’t just about Dale Earnhardt, but I’m sorry, my heart’s not in it. Look at her face, free of any hint of guile or eroticism. She simply has done the minimum amount of mental processing necessary to respond — “husband not happy with wife? solution: husband get new wife” — while 99% of her brainpower continues to focus on watching and thinking about NASCAR, as per usual.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/26

The scam twins have decided to avenge their Uncle Rene by scamming the Morgans, despite the fact that he specifically told them not to, and have been staking out the Morgan house in order to plan their next scam move. Mainly what they’ve learned is that the Morgans are incredibly boring, which, no shit! Have you noticed that they’re barely in their own comic anymore? That’s because they’re even less interesting than whatever Buck or Auggie or Mud Mountain Murphy are up to. Do you know how uninteresting you have to be to make that happen?

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Six Chix, 7/29/26

So purgatory is a place where … angels can have sex? Or the souls of the dead, who may also be angels, in this scenario, can have sex? But then in heaven, they can’t have sex? I know the Catholics have a lot of extra-biblical lore about all this, but I haven’t really kept track of it. Maybe the joke is supposed to be something else, but I dunno, I think we’re all on board with “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” referring to sex stuff, right? Unless purgatory is supposed to be a casino, which honestly makes even less sense.

Gil Thorp, 7/29/26

A thing that always bothered me about the end of Clueless is how many of the high school characters are in attendance at their teachers’ wedding. Seems inappropriate? Anyway, there were a bunch of Gil Thorp prom strips last month that I didn’t really talk about, but now that the teens of Milford have turned Gil’s wedding into Prom (Extended Remix Edition), I need to take a stand: these kids are having too much fun.

Hi and Lois, 7/29/26

Trixie! You have lavished too much affection and attention on the Sun! You have neglected the primordial chthonic deities, and by angering them … have doomed us all.

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Bizarro, 7/28/26

Well, I’m excited to see that Bizarro’s Crash Test Dummies Stories weren’t just for Uncle Lumpy; now we’re fully into week two and things are getting dark. What do you mean you’re comparing your beloved to a brick wall, the very thing you and she are hurled painfully against over and over again day after day, and what do you mean she’s purring in delight at the comparison? Can’t believe they put this in the newspaper where anyone could see it, if anyone read the newspaper.

Gil Thorp, 7/28/26

Speaking of things that are still happening, the wedding of Gil Thorp is still happening in Gil Thorp, and today we learn that Marty Moon has finished his transformation from boring-ass high school sports radio reporter to multi-hyphenate content creator and influencer by becoming a DJ. Sorry if the first dance at your wedding is ruined by the DJ shouting “I’m [reggaeton airhorn] DJ MOON” every 15 seconds, but Marty has a #brand to maintain and/or establish.

Hi and Lois, 7/28/26

I really enjoy the drawing of Lois in panel one here, an asymmetrical close-up that lets you see how her face is assembled out of a series of curves. I also like how unsettled she looks in panel two. Does the suffering of some people bring profit to others? Is that truly the world we’re living in?

Archie, 7/28/26

A fun thing you realize reading Archie comics as an adult is that, despite the fact that their target audience is teenagers, a lot of them are actually about how teenagers are annoying and kind of stupid.