“What would really have been funny in today’s Blondie is eight more panels of Dagwood mournfully scooting his chair back to his office under his own power.” –matt w
“Wilbur’s tryst was apparently with a lower crook from a Carmen Sandiego game. He’ll certainly find it memorable when he’s questioned by Interpol in connection to Belle Batsfrey’s theft of Mexico’s famous Temple of Kukulcan.” –Kevyn on Video
“Dawn and Wilbur console themselves over their recently-ended relationships with ‘Cookie Lov’ cookies, specially formulated for those who have failed to find human love and decided to settle for cookie love.” –Rita Lake
“The only megacorps in Orlando are Disney and pyramid schemes, both of which have a tendency to give out absurdly inflated job titles. ‘Sales director’ means she runs the soft pretzel stand in front of It’s A Small World, or she just bought into Amway.” –Banana Jr. 6000
“That fish is in a bowl. Why are they acting like it’s just arrived when it’s clearly been watching the whole time? We insult goldfish memory a lot, but maybe this is the upside — you immediately forget having watched your friends repeatedly shit on the carpet.” –Schroduck
“Pluggers only lower their cholesterol when it’s priced out of their reach.” –TheDiva
“Yeah, if there’s one thing that mixes with blood donations, its dancing! Maybe you could serve some cocktails as well, in a sauna!” –pugfuggly
“So that’s why we haven’t seen the chicken-headed woman in Pluggers for a while! I had no love for that wretched abomination, but she didn’t deserve to end up in the belly of the even more loathsome Shoe.” –KMD
“On the bright side, it’s easy for the Fuse staff to have impromptu planning meetings since they have no customers.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt
“Luckily, in Judge Parker two years is the same as roughly 18 hours, so she’ll be out in no time. Or forever. I forget.” –CIA Advisor to the Jungle Patrol
“I like that the doctor is TV handsome. I like to imagine he’s actually the protagonist in an early 2000s drama about a doctor who also has a blog, because that would have been high concept at the time, and the Lockhorns are the comedy-driven B-plot patients we see for like 10 minutes every other season.” –Dan
“In an attempt to recapture his pre-marriage youth, Leroy has been spending his evenings at hipster bars with very young adults. The joint pain comes from drinking way too many hard seltzers, as a high intake of carbonated beverages has been shown to reduce bone mineral density in older folks. But at least he’s been making new friends — most of whom think he’s the half-real-life, half-computer-animated Grumpy from the upcoming Snow White remake.” –BigTed
“Gertie isn’t happy unless she sees a driver on fire running out of a burning car.” –Liam
“As much fun as it would be to see a NASCAR driver run off the track, go to the parking lot, and drive back into the race in his personal 2017 Honda Civic, I’m pretty sure they only let you wreck the one car you started with, Gertie.” –Old Man Shadow
“‘Will you have to fight Mary to get it back?’ I can’t decide whether this is an incredibly poor grasp of Wilbur and Mary’s actual dynamic or an attempt to rid the world of Wilbur once and for all. ‘Go ahead and pick a fight with Mary, Dad! Anybody else who did would end up with their corpse baked into a casserole, but nothing can kill you, right? You shouldn’t even be ALIVE, but you ARE!’” –T Campbell
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