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FOLKS!!!! It is I, Josh, your Comics Curmudgeon, and I am back from vacation! Let’s all say a huge thank you to Uncle Lumpy for his delightful filling in, and let me say a huge thank you to everyone who contributed to the fundraiser (though you’ll all be getting individual thank yous soon enough, of course). Uncle Lumpy cannot choose favorites among you so Urlance Woolsbane’s COTW dominance will last until next Friday, but I still have some Saturday jokes to tell and feelings to work out.

Crankshaft, 9/10/22

Primarily, the feelings I have to work out involve the significant portion of my vacation I spent seething about the narrative violence being done to the Funkyverse timeline as the strip grinds into its 50th anniversary. Huh, Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, which have been a decade apart for something like a decade now, are suddenly happening at the same time? No thanks! Oh, that reunion the Funky characters are going to is supposed to be their 50th, which means the characters are all in their late 60s now? Wrong! They’re in their mid to late 50s, they just look and act older because they’re miserable and hate themselves. And now they’re dragging the literally unaging Lois Flagston into this whole mess. Don’t care for it! Don’t care for it at all!

Curtis, 9/10/22

Speaking of age-appropriate behavior, we all know that one of Heartthrob’s roles in this strip is to be a spinner of tall tales, but you know this one is bullshit because nobody born before 1987 has a Facebook account.

Gil Thorp, 9/10/22

Uncle Lumpy covered all the soapy drama in nu-look Gil Thorp, which I guess means it’s my job to tell you about the … sports? Specifically, I’m here to tell you that the strip is covering a non-football sport (volleyball) during the fall, which is certainly a change of pace! It’s definitely a change for Marty Moon or whoever is doing the play-by-play, who hasn’t had a chance to learn any of these people’s names and is just yelling their numbers and hoping for the best.

Anyway! I’m glad to be back! Look for more comic jokes from me in this space, every day, indefinitely! I love you all!

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FOLKS! You’re getting an early COTW because I, your friend the Comics Curmudgeon, am going on a li’l vacation! I’ll be back on September 10th but until then your favorite Uncle Lumpy will, once again, be in the driver’s seat, so be as nice to him as possible — significantly nicer than you are to me. He loves each and every one one of you too much to take sides and choose a comment of the week, but I have no such compunctions and offer you this, the slightly truncated week’s top comment!

“There’s something perversely impressive about the lengths that Marvin goes to in contriving setups for its scatological punchlines. An inquisitive reader might be tempted to question why the titular brat has been placed in time-out in his family’s backyard, of all places, but that would be missing the point. It’s like porn, but for poop jokes.” –Urlance Woolsbane

And your runners up are, of course, hilarious!

“I like the idea that between strips Slylock is constantly going before the police budget committee to fund another piece if machinery to keep up with Count Weirdly. ‘No, see it can’t just be a regular open-cockpit jet, we have to customize it to look like me! I don’t have the entire estimate yet but why don’t we just tack on another 500 thousand and call it a day, okay?’” –pugfuggly

“News that Prohibition ended has finally reached Hootin’ Holler, and Snuffy’s repurposed his moonshine distillery to produce green bio-fuels.” –Schroduck

“Dawn realizes that if she can keep Jared on the phone long enough, the approaching California wildfire will envelop his apartment. ‘Tell me,’ she says soothingly, ‘about Star Wars episodes one to three.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Maybe my knowledge of online auction platforms is lacking, but it doesn’t seem like a task that requires active supervision. My guess is that Mindy has discovered the digital age equivalent of going out for cigarettes and never coming back.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Thank you for creepily emerging from the shadows just when I was at my most emotionally frail state.” –Cass

“I mean, I like bronze. I sometimes spend time sitting down and thinking about how well made bronze can be more molecularly stable than pure gold. And what it means that while it may outlast stars and galaxies and fucking proton decay, bronze is made up by people rather than the naturally occurring, pure elemental gold. The point here is that Jared’s mere existence is an insult to bronze.” —
Amelie Wikström

“I wonder if The Big Chill is playing at the movie theater that specifically caters to us.” –taig

“Holly talks a good game of needless despair, but her words lack the weight of confident action behind them. Meanwhile, Funky has already quietly unbuckled his safety belt and is patiently waiting for a tractor-trailer in the oncoming lane.” –jroggs

“So I’m thinking of getting a smaller mattress, maybe even a twin.” –made of wince

“Shoe and Mary Worth collectively agreed on the exact lighting choice to communicate ‘no sex tonight.’ And you know what, not a bad job.” –Dan

“For hurting the feelings of Saintly Jared, Dawn will be punished by having to spend time with Saintly Jared.” –Ettorre

“Maybe they want to die in a fire, Crankshaft, ever thought of that? Maybe living in your proximity is the inferior option, have you ever considered that possibility?” –Applemask

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Crankshaft, 8/25/22

I love Jeff’s sly little smile in the second panel here. He seems to be saying “Ha ha, the ladies, amiright? Can’t live with ’em (because you’ll die in a fire), can’t live without ’em (because they have the keys to the storage unit).”

Shoe, 8/25/22

I love the Perfesser’s bird-lady date’s exhausted facial expression in the second panel. The dialogue here is “Ha ha, the ladies, amiright? They just love to argue for the sake of hearing an argument!” But her face tells a very different story, which is “Please let me die.”

Mary Worth, 8/25/22

“Do I want to what? No, see that’s exactly the opposite of what was supposed to happen with this … uhh [makes static noises with her mouth] uhhh you’re breaking up Jared, I’m going into a tunnel [static noises continue]”