Post Content

Fate, monstrous and empty — a whirling, malevolent wheel;
Well-being is vain, and always fades to nothing – how you plague me!

What goes around comes around in the Sunday funnies:

For Better or for Worse, 3/2/08

Years from now — perhaps at her wedding — you’ll wonder how she turned out like this: the string of pointless relationships she shed so easily. The marriage to some pasty nonentity, based on no more than habit in the vain hope affection would follow. The grandchild — no kin of yours — whimpering alone in the dark.

Remember this night. Your daughter does.

Marvin, 3/2/08

A week of “Laffs” from Mom griping about the trials of pregnancy; now it’s payback time for Baby. Although this “people typing jokes into computers” theme is getting awfully tired, the nasal syringe on the desk is a good sign: after years of poop jokes, Marvin is finally branching out into snot.

Curtis, 3/2/08

O Curtis, consider your life’s path — listen to Barry! Sure, it may amuse you now to mock these good ladies as they try to bring some simple joy into their lives and others’. But consider your future! You could end up like old Cedrick there, clowning to coax one more rattling wheeze out of poor Harry’s failing lungs. Or worse, like some assistant comic blogger hurling slurs at hard-working cartoonists who only . . . who . . . .

Oh, crap.

– Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 3/1/08 and Sally Forth, 2/27/08

Even in a Leap Year, poor February gets no respect — cartoonists basically take the month off. Here we see young Maddie imagining February in the far future, while Sally remembers it from the distant past. At least March promises more fun, as a murderous Afghan rebel and a crazed United States Postal Worker plot against the skinflint owner of that nest of vipers, Montoni’s Pizza. And Sally? Go ahead and carve a chunk outta Ralph. Blame it on the Ambien® — no jury will lay a glove on you.

Marvin, 3/1/08 and Minnie Pauz, no date

A week of ham-handed single-panel pregnancy-themed Belly Laffs. A bad thing? Sure. But the worst thing? Apparently not!

Oh, you ladies and your hilarious reproductive processes! At least we guys can look forward to a month of prostate-themed humor in A Very Special Crankshaft.

Agnes, 3/1/08

Hmm. Rats!

– Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Don’t you hate it when people shout out warnings to fictional characters about to do something dumb? Well then, you definitely don’t want to go to the movies with me! Here’s how I cheesed off the neighbors this morning:

Funky Winkerbean, 2/7/08

“Aw, Funky — don’t you understand? They love Montoni’s just the way it is!” Just like somebody must love this plot, since it shows up in every sitcom ever written. Honestly, you’d think there were no professional writers around to help with this stuff. . . . And didn’t Brad and TJ do the “funny fixup” routine just a couple months ago? If Funky Winkerbean takes plot cues from Luann, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/7/08

“You’re low on blood, low on meds, and have one working arm. It’s raining and freezing out there, Rex has your pistol, and cellphones do not work that way! And you think Faith is the idiot?”

Mark Trail, 2/7/08

In three parts: 1. “Oh no, you are not going to walk away from a perfectly good airplane!” 2. “Well, get down, then!” 3. “Run, Andy, run! Run like the wind, far from the clutches of Mark and the community, and never look back! — Good dog!”

Slylock Fox, 2/7/08

And this news item: fresh from his My Cage and Pearls before Swine triumphs, Bob Weber, Jr. adds another to his string of edgy crossovers.

— Uncle Lumpy