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Apartment 3-G, 11/2/10

Oh, say, what’s that on Iris’s left hand, which is being thrust meaningfully into our faces in panel two here? It sure looks a lot like a wedding ring to me. It seems that her projected image as a wacky, carefree aunt who (in the words of Sunday’s strip) has “adventures” instead of the “homes and families” other people have, is fake, and she is in fact nothing but a common married person. Her vaguely hipster glasses and all her talk about partying in Paris with the Situationists and ’68 are nothing but lies, and she certainly isn’t heading to some kind of bedbug-infested hostel in Bed-Stuy; she’s probably taking the train back to her suburban cul-de-sac in Connecticut, ready to curl up on the couch with her husband Irv and watch whatever iteration of NCIS is on tonight.

(Sorry, this is just my attempt to drum some interest up in this boring storyline. EVEN THE WORST SCANDAL I CAN COOK UP IS INHERENTLY BORING. IT IS IN FACT ABOUT BORINGNESS.)

Crankshaft, 11/2/10

Ha ha! Crankshaft and his old buddies have no idea that it’s already November, and that it’s election day today! They’ve probably been sitting in that booth, muttering nonsense, for days now. Nobody has come looking for them, because they’re all unlikable.

Actually, for once I can’t suspend my disbelief at this strip. Old people never forget to vote! It’s what they live for!

(And if the mere mention of “voting” has inspired you to go off onto an election-related rant, I urge you to do so over here, instead, on last election’s thread.)

Mary Worth, 11/2/10

Mary, Adrian’s heart is telling her that she should obsess endlessly over every little detail about other people’s opinions, because she can’t function unless someone is telling her what to do. She can’t stop thinking about the opinions held by other people! Honestly, it’s like you don’t even know her.

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Shoe, 10/28/10

No, my friend, your eyes do not fail you! That is a genuine URL medallion floating above Shoe’s head in panel two of Shoe, directing you to treetopstattler.com! One would assume that it was intended to be understood as having been affixed to the wall of the newsroom of the Treetops Tattler, the in-Shoe-universe newspaper for which most of the main characters toil, except that I think we’re also meant to understand that the Tattler newsroom is not a room as such but rather a bunch of office furniture balanced precariously on tree limbs, and thus does not actually have walls. Maybe the URL medallion is suspended from the branches that are obscured by Shoe’s word balloon? Anyway, treettopstattler.com just redirects you to the main Shoe site, which, in addition to Shoe strips, also features some fake Treetops Tattler news items that are mildly amusing. I mainly just want to praise the strip for recognizing that this “Internet” thing exists and perhaps should be taken advantage of in some way, which is an attitude largely foreign to the newspaper comics world.

In other word, the entire Tatter staff appears to have fallen asleep and, if I’m understanding the implication of Shoe’s statement, soiled themselves.

Marvin, 10/28/10

Ha ha, the erotic bond that once linked Marvin and his mother is now broken, maybe because he now recognizes how freakishly out of proportion her head is to her body, or maybe because HE IS A BABY AND SHE IS HIS MOTHER OH MY GOD THIS IS MONSTROUS.

Apartment 3-G, 10/28/10

“We both think you’re a boring lame-o!”

I find it interesting that both Tommie and Lu Ann are supposed to have distant and uninterested parents. This explains why both of them are drawn to Margo — both because she offers the combination of vague affection and soul-scraping disdain that they have come to associate with parental love, and because her own parental situation (lying, philandering dad; histrionic ethnic stereotype mom; pill-crazed, gun-toting stepmom) reminds them that, you know, you could do a lot worse than “distant and uninterested.”

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Archie, 10/25/10

The lame ostensible joke in today’s Archie is hardly worthy of mention, though I do like the all-purpose “ARCHIE DID IT” frame-up note Coach Whoever is holding in panel one. But I’m intrigued by the scene in panel two, in which we see that the Riverdale team mascot is so committed to his mascotting duties that he stays in his sweaty, claustrophobic fursuit even when there’s no game on and he’s trying to woo the ladies. Perhaps he’s been told that his eyes are his best feature, and he believes that their sexiness will be enhanced if his face is obscured by a fake dog-neck and only his eyes are visible, staring eerily out of an otherwise black slit. He is mistaken.

I suspect that he in fact is the one who framed Archie, since the strip protagonist’s well-known if incomprehensible sex appeal was probably ruining the chances of all the other male-types in the room. This strip also makes this episode from last year even less comprehensible, since the squirrel-man in the background there doesn’t even have the excuse of “Oh, I’m the team mascot” to exist. Perhaps at some point the school board decided that the “Dogs Of Indeterminate Breed” made a more menacing team avatar than the “Insanely Grinning Tree-Rodents.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/25/10

Clearly Tommie’s slightly different haircut is not enough to radically alter her personality, because Aunt Iris is here to loosen her up! This will be fun until we find out that Iris is actually in New York because her home’s been foreclosed and she’s one step ahead of her creditors.

Mark Trail, 10/25/10

While there is literally no way within the laws of physics as we know them to defend against Mark Trail’s fists, it’s actually quite easy to win a battle of wits against him, as he’s a semi-autistic with little understanding of how and why humans behave in the way they do. “What’s that, man who I punched in the face and publicly humiliated just days ago? You want to help me with something? That’s great! How helpful of you! Yes, I will meet you in the ambush-location of your choosing!”