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Apartment 3-G, 8/12/10

Well, it looks like I Dressed In The Dark has a little-known sister show, called I Allowed My Hair To Grow In Its Natural Color In The Dark, And Also During When It Was Light Out. I’m not sure where this little scene is supposed to be playing out — I suppose it’s on the IDITD set, and the Monocolored Creepy Staring Background Guy, of the sort well known in this strip, is one of the grips or something. Still, it’s weird that the cameras aren’t rolling, as this sort of moment — Kat’s eyebrow arched cruelly, Lu Ann goggle-eyed with terror — is pretty much what reality TV is for.

Mary Worth, 8/12/10

Oh, look, Mike’s dad exists after all! I was beginning to suspect that perhaps he had died years ago, and Fred was keeping his mouldering corpse in his bedroom and cashing his Social Security checks. Actually, based on today’s strip, that might still be the case: the expressionless face, the shuffling walk, the tattered, colorless clothes, and Mike’s expression of sheer terror all point to Lonnie here actually being a zombie reanimated through dark magic.

Blondie, 8/12/10

The weirdest thing about Alexander’s outfit is that, with its bow tie and giant buttons, it’s sort of a less dignified version of Dagwood’s usual work outfit. But, as this strip demonstrates, dignity has never been particularly high on Dagwood’s priority list.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/2/10

At last, someone is showing some initiative around here! Naturally it’s Margo, but the low level of rebellion on display is really pretty pathetic. Oh no, they’re going to leave their hotel room and order dinner! Really, Margo, we expected Kat and Kitty’s severed heads to be displayed on pikes as a warning to others by this point. Why exactly is reckless restaurant-going forbidden, anyway? Is the show broadcast live, in real time? Are they depriving Americans of their chance to watch three badly dressed women mope around in a hotel room? Surely the entertainment value there ended when Lu Ann and Margo drained the minibar.

Judge Parker, 8/2/10

Meanwhile, the transformation of Jules from “predatory European sexual threat to Sam’s American sense of morality” to “sad, abused doormat” is pretty much complete. The best part of this scene is the way he’s proffering up that shoe, like it’s some kind of excuse. “But, your father and I … we’ve been working … look at this shoe! It has a decorative buckle-thing! And it’s been weight-tested! Please love me!”

Jumble, 8/2/10

As always, I cheerfully admit that I don’t have the brainpower to actually solve the Jumble, so I have to make my guess on what’s going on from the visual. Obviously curly mustaches and furrowed brows are only found on evil characters in comics, so I’m guessing the boss is going to give Sam a raise for cooking the books and hiding millions of dollars in offshore shell corporations. You just wear that visor and sheepish expression on the witness stand, kid, and we’ll do great, trust me.

Popeye, 8/2/10

Once again, I’ve become briefly intrigued by the new Popeye storyline, though I’ll quickly lose interest once it devolves into the boring kind of insanity. At the moment, though, I’m intrigued by what Popeye and the Professor have cooked up. Looks like genocide! Scientific genocide.

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Mark Trail, 7/26/10

Ha ha, dognapper! Mark Trail and Officer Murphy have used technological wizardry to track your ransom call back to your home! Dognapping being a crime of the most heinous nature, they don’t need any warrant from any fancy judge in order to rip your house to pieces looking for the poor mutt! In fact, since this is a “ticking time bomb” scenario (who knows what horrors he has planned for that dog, or for America?), they’re well within their rights to torture you, by letting loose that horrifying demon-thing at the lower left of panel two! Let’s take a closer look at this gap-toothed, bug-eyed monster, shall we?

Yes, we can see why you wouldn’t want this little demon in your house, screeching and clawing at the faces of your wife and family. But I guess you should have thought about that before you became a crime suspect, crime suspect!

Apartment 3-G, 7/26/10

In panel three, it’s clear that Tommie has become far too accustomed to the abuse that everyone heaps upon her, as it appears that she’s decided to save everyone a lot of time and just punch herself in the face.