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Archive: Apartment 3-G

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Ectoplasmic three-way

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/1/09

Admit it, all of you: you would be disappointed if Dead Lisa did not occasionally manifest herself during Les’s attempts to court Cayla. It adds an element of the macabre to an otherwise low-key and fairly dull romance between two middle-aged single parents. In fact, since romantic intrusion from the spirit plane is inevitable, let’s take it all the way. I want to see the Ghost of Lisa on every single one of Les and Cayla’s dates. I want to see her feeding him romantic lines, like in Cyrano de Bergerac, only Cyrano and Christian used to be married, and Cyrano is dead. I want to see Zombie Lisa there in the bedroom, eager to help Les with necessary corrections to his sexual techniques that she was too shy to speak up about in life, which will ironically result in his inability to maintain an erection. BRING IT ON, FUNKY WINKERBEAN.

It really is good for Les that Cayla likes Woody Allen movies, by the way, because it shows that she has a certain tolerance for exasperating neurotics.

Apartment 3-G, 5/1/09

Good lord, will this Apartment 3-G storyline ever cease handing out wonderful gifts to all of us? Today’s heart-warming moment is a cop saying “You’ve been a bad boy, Dr. Kelly” while waggling an index finger scoldingly. Is he speaking in a comical Irish brogue, as his circa 1940 uniform would suggest? God, I hope so.

Sally Forth, 5/1/09

I’m pretty sure that Ted thinks Sally said “titter.”

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Tuesday quickies

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Mary Worth, 4/28/09

You know what would be awesome? If the “police” who “arrested” Ted are really his accomplices, and the “police station” Adrian is sitting in is a rented warehouse, and they’re all setting her up for some kind of mind-blowing long con that goes far beyond some petty “Oh my sister is in deep with the mob I need $50K” child’s play.

You know would be boring and trite? If Adrian found true love with this handsome blond police officer, who is certainly not some sinister pervert from the Internet. But that is almost certainly what we’re going to get.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/09

Margo is taken aback by Mrs. Bloom’s stun gun because in her martial philosophy, violence committed with mechanical or electronic aids is dishonorable. Even using something like an umbrella as a club is acceptable only when your target is just out of range; Margo has now cast it aside and is preparing to disembowel the immobilized Dr. Kelly with her bare hands.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/28/09

“I think that if we were dating, I wouldn’t keep using my employee discount to buy you dinner at this terrible pizza place.”

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THE JUNGLE PATROL! THE JUNGLE PATROL! HOORAY FOR THE JUNGLE PATROL!

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Phantom, 4/28/09

Hey, kids! Remember the Jungle Patrol? This exciting Bangallan law enforcement agency featured into a Phantom storyline from year and change back, in which a lady cop and and waitress shook up that formerly all-male bastion by combining toughness, trigger-happiness, and lady parts. The story lasted long enough to prompt some t-shirtage, then faded into that narrative netherworld where all Phantom storylines go, presumably never to be heard from again.

Except! Today we do hear from these ladies again, as they prepare for another day of imposing law and order on the jungle, by way of patrolling. This reappearance of pre-existing non-Phantom, non-Phantom-relative, non-Guran-or-Old-Man-Mozz characters has pretty much blown my mind, so, sap that I am, I’m actually pretty eager to find out where this is going. Suggestion: the just-concluded-rather-abruptly storyline involved a sexy lady sea captain who seemed determined to make the Ghost Who Flirts her own, despite his married status, and the last Jungle Patrol storyline concluded by having our two feminist pioneers celebrate their empowerment by plotting dreamily to woo their Unknown Commander, so perhaps a four-or-more-way catfight is in our future.

Lockhorns, 4/27/09

“Like, you know, to orgasm.” [rim shot]

Apartment 3-G, 4/27/09

It’s true that I failed to acknowledge Joe’s hilarious umbrella-bludgeoning at the hands of Margo over the past few days; that’s because my job is to comment on the unusual and unexpected, and surely we all knew that when any blunt object is placed in Margo’s hands, a savage beating can’t be far off. On the other hand, who could have predicted that Joe’s ritual humiliation would reach its climax when some character that nobody recognized wandered in and offered to taser him? It’s these little moments of delight that keep us coming back to the comics page day after day.