Post Content

Momma, 10/27/15

This strip’s been running for 45 years, OK? You try coming up with new things for Momma to be annoying about. “Not understanding standard English idioms” is certainly preferable to Oedipal horror.

Shoe, 10/27/15

I was going to make fun of the Perfersser to reacting so negatively to this slur against his hometown — he is, with his defeated slouch and his hand at rest inside a chip bag, part of the very problem being mocked — but then I wondered if the whole thing wasn’t a cry for help on the part of the artist. “Look, I thought I could wring endless funnies out of a town of bird-men, but I can’t, OK? I’m bored. I’m so bored. This bird-man who can’t even muster the energy to lift his hand-wing out of the bag of potato chips … that bird-man is me. I am that bird-man.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/27/15

Ooh, Apartment 3-G plans to go out with a bang by assembling all of Margo’s boyfriends at her bedside! That’s Greg, who used to be Margo’s boyfriend and also played James Bond, in the movies, no big deal. Who else will be showing up to proclaim their love to Margo’s unconscious form? Scarf-wearing architect Trey? FBI Pete? Will they be bringing any of Lu Ann or Tommie’s exes with them? (Haha, just kidding, nobody cares about Lu Ann or Tommie’s exes.)

Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 10/24/15

The sad fate of Apartment 3-G is apparently not quite official enough for Wikipedia, but Mark Trail artist James Allen, prompted by my post, got in touch with King Features and got confirmation that the strip is on its way out. This is obviously really depressing to me, but I’m going to try to keep it together and give the strip the best send-off I can, which is to say I’ll mock it with affection till it’s in the grave. At least we’re finally going to get the resolution to the one storyline that’s nagged at us for years: the will-they-or-won’t-they romance between Margo’s parents, who are presumably going to get married in the hospital chapel while a comatose Margo’s respirator whirrs in the background. “I haven’t been a great husband, Gabby,” says the man who was married to someone else when he knocked Gabby up, then forced that woman to raise Margo as her own, then had her bundled away to a private “psychiatric facility” upstate. Oh, hey, remember how said wife referred to Martin as “my husband” during the plotline where she came back and tried to kill him? What if they never formally got divorced? What if this turns into a real Jane Eyre-type situation, with “upstate” just a code for “this hospital where Margo is now, which is probably north of the park or something?” That would be an amazing send-off, honestly, if a crazed Bobbie Merrill were to burn the place down in a fit of madness and kill every last character.

Beetle Bailey, 10/24/15

General Halftrack’s expression of genuine despair, as he pleads with his clergyman to explain why he feels so spiritually adrift, why he’s unable to feel the presence of his Creator, is so vivid and poignant that I felt actively angry about Chaplain Stainglass’s flippant answer. I consoled myself by imagining that he was in fact being very literal. “Ah, yes, it’s possible that you’ve been calling … the wrong number … if you get my drift” [winks] [passes General Halftrack a piece of paper with “WORSHIP LORD MOLOCH” written on it]

Pluggers, 10/24/15

Look, guys, pluggers just have to go to the bathroom a lot, OK? They don’t enjoy getting occasional whiffs of urine or feces while they’re dining. That’s just a rumor, just a disgusting rumor, and they’re tired of you spreading it around.

Post Content

The Phantom, 10/23/15

“He looks like my son, but…! This young man is busy feeding his mind and imagination, whereas my son is a notorious dullard who would stuff this sandwich mindlessly into his maw, dribbling mayonnaise all over the delicate, ancient tomes!”

Apartment 3-G and Beetle Bailey, 10/23/15

NOOOO BEETLE DON’T IGNORE SYMPTOMS

IT’S TOO LATE FOR MARGO BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU

Herb and Jamaal, 10/23/15

Jamaal is straight-up gonna fuck that jar of water, flour, and yeast.