Archive: Apartment 3-G

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Apartment 3-G, 2/18/13

Margo wakes up from her asphyxiation coma and just naturally assumes Tommie has dragged her home from yet another blackout bender.

Gasoline Alley, 2/18/13

Rufus needs to arrange a sham marriage in a hurry to secure his inheritance under the terms of a really terribly drafted will, but he can’t find a human volunteer because rich or poor, he’s still Rufus. Still, none of that excuses Joel pimping out his mule. And Becky’s enthusiasm for the arrangement is starting to creep me out.

Momma, 2/18/13

As Gertrude Stein once said of Oakland, “There is no there there.” At least not nearly enough for a vaccination scar.

Gil Thorp, 2/18/13

Oh imagine that, the peacock wasn’t really the magical score-enhancing reincarnation of his tragically dead brother after all, just the wayward pet of some amiable neighbor-doofus. But Scott will say anything to deny the plain truth: “Um, … do you mean today? The sun was in my eyes! Bitch set me up! What was that noise? She said she was 18! My dog ate it! Greedo shot first! I took a wide stance! It’s not you, it’s me! I thought they were tomato plants! I never got your message! She’s just a friend! I was drunk! The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat! How could I have known it was loaded? I swear nothing like this ever happened to me before! The heart wants what it wants! I didn’t see the sign! I was dead at the time — on the Moon, with Steve! Everybody does it! Wait, I was just holding it for somebody! Ida Know! NOT ME!”

— Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, 2/16/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because if Beetle hadn’t mouthed off, Sarge wouldn’t have broken his arm! Ha. Uh. This is awful.

Apartment 3-G, 2/16/13

Now this is hilarious because it’s just emotional abuse, you see. “I can’t imagine the world without Margo! Who would tell me what to do and where to go? Who would tell me when my haircut is stupid or I’m chewing too loudly? A MARGO-LESS LIFE WOULD BE MEANINGLESS!”

Programming note! I’m heading off on a vacation and Uncle Lumpy will be entertaining you in my absence! Be nice to him as he brings his usual avuncular hilarity to your computer screens. I’ll be back on Monday the 25th!

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Your comment of the week coming shortly (and yes, I know I’m RIDICULOUSLY early today), but first: comics superstar Julia Wertz is also an abandoned-building-exploring superstar, and she spotted this decaying bit of newspaper from the ’60s on the floor of the projection booth in an old theater. Check out who’s there!

Yes, it’s a very special episode of Mark Trail, in which he and his friends decide to euthanize a buffalo, with a shotgun.

Anyway! In the here and now, here’s your comment … of the week!

‘Our Becky? I mean — my Becky?’ Alas, Rufus and Joel were having Becky in common with nary a care in the world, but now the threat of monogamy has allowed jealousy to rear its ugly head. In keeping with its usual value system, Gasoline Alley gives us the important moral: bestiality is fine; fight the real enemy: Marriage.” –Sock Puppet

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Note the smirk in Darrin’s face as he shovels. He knows it’s killing the old man. He knows.” –Freakin Hemingwad

“Don’t interpret this strip in such a negative way! Maybe look on the bright side of things and hope that FW is setting us up for some Hitchcock style Rear Window suspense. That would then mean someone in the Funkyverse is going to get murdered! That’s good news, see?” –Chareth Cutestory

“Pluggers know that subject-verb agreement is only for smug elitists with their fancy ‘basic education.'” –Meg

It’s me, Claire! Don’t sugarcoat it. I want a chocolate shell around a nougatty center!” –Dood

“Of course Dill’s team won. Did you see what those other cakes looked like? They did not represent nature in any way whatsoever.” –Liam

“In case you were wondering how well Newspaper Spider-Man’s powers work, a blind man with normal human strength just threw sort of a stiff-arm in the midst of an uncharacteristic freak-out, and Spidey blindly swung into it with such force that he’s apparently broken some ribs, lost his grip on his webline if that’s possible, and is suffering from full-body convulsions as he plummets to his doom, all the while asking, ‘?'” –Doctor Handsome

“Am I a freak for thinking the A3G storyline is kind of exciting right now? I am on the edge of my seat waiting to find out whether the fire was intentional or an accident, and what will be Evan’s fate. I should probably get some nice cushiony diapers because with the pace of this strip I will be on that seat edge for a very long time.” –Currer Bell

“Most people would take a minute to say something like, ‘What an asshole!’ or ‘What do people in San Francisco have against calling it Frisco?’ or ‘Why does my wife fall asleep every time I call her?’ But not Peter Parker. There’s Something Wrong and he’s going to find out what it is, if it kills him. I’d suggest starting with therapy.” –The Right Venerable Pasdordan

“It’s funny because Dagwood is getting his news from a newspaper while wearing a bow tie at the breakfast table, and it’s 2013.” –Squeak

“Does the fact that Becky appears to be sentient and to understand human language make this better or worse?” –junk science

“Let me go out on a limb here and suggest that Rusty’s camera holds evidence of Rod Bassy’s nefarious plot to win the fishing tournament by having his morally bankrupt sidekick attach genetically-enhanced farm-raised record-sized bass to Rod Bassy’s patented Rod Bassy Lite-Up Serial-Killer Bass Lure using the remote control midget submarine secreted in The Rod Bassy Serial Killer van when not in use. Either that, or pictures of goats humping.” –flatsixes

“I’m sure that image of Dill and Mary Worth standing in front of a star field in space is how Kubrick wanted to end 2001. Sadly, the studio told him to ‘be less weird, Stan.'” –Voshkod

“Oh, sure. That’s ALWAYS been Crock’s problem. Too MANY jokes.” –Daniel

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