One again, your comment of the week is coming soon … but there are many hilarious and informative items that you have to work your way through first, which working through you will not regret! First off I will plug a little project that I’ve contributed to! If you have a Facebook account and are at all interested in free text-based adventure games, you might want to check out the Land of Odd! Look for the quests written by jfruh (that’s me!).
Next up is this image from faithful reader DOlz: “I was reading the vintage “Beetle Bailey” and I thought you might like to know Campy Swampy has long been a man’s camp.”
Also! You might recall that last week I unaccustomedly posted a blurb from a syndicate promotional flack, because I love Lio and I love lookalike contests. This week I am going to give you a little taste of another I received:
“Over and over again I’m struck by how charmingly whimsical the art in Crankshaft is compared to how loathsome and charm-free the characters. Of course, if the art matched the content, then it would have to be drawn in smears of pig’s blood or something. Still. It’s jarring.” –Strangefate
“Before piling wood on your lawn, think twice. Will your future piled wood needs perhaps differ, locationwise? Plan ahead, so you don’t have to rely on the coerced servitude of hostile, resentful youths. Even when you’re absolutely certain, take a moment to inspect the exposed surface at the end each ‘log,’ and consult the following handy reference: Concentric circles: Log. Proceed. Spirals: Swiss cake roll. Reconsider.” –One-eyed Wolfdog
“Obviously Cathy hasn’t yet stumbled onto Irving’s account at from-the-waist-down.net.” –HvP
“‘Mary Worth in Space’ would be a great 1970s Saturday morning cartoon! Of course she’d have a talking dune buggy.” –Vince M
“Hopefully, tomorrow, Del picks up one of her husband’s books and cries, ‘W-whoa! That’s … philosophy of a kind … I suppose…’ Lawrence: ‘I forgot you weren’t into the more posthumanist epistemology! Some things never change … hmm?'” –teddytoad
“My fondest wish is that, while Lawrence and Delilah are sitting in their hotel room, declaring their love for one another, Barry saunters in from another strip and nonchalantly takes a piss while cracking wise at both of them.” –Patrick
“I can’t see how you don’t see this as one more instance of the roving eyes that keep Lawrence on the road and drove Del to turn to Beefsteak Charley’s Lovenest to relieve her hunger for attention. It’s like, ‘Del, let’s talk in my room. It’s more pri … Why, HEL-LO THERE, Ms. Sexy Female Episcopal Priest. You know, it’s funny because I was just thinking about the Synod of Whitby and … Oh, right, Del. My room is this way. The champagne is, um, a gift from my publisher. So is the underwear.'” –Edgy DC
“Maybe what we’ve always assumed is Curtis’ hat is, in fact, an overly elaborate hairstyle? That would explain how it manages to stay perched precariously on his head under the most extraordinary circumstances. Whatever it is, though, my question is: how in the Hell does Curtis plan on getting his shirt on over it?” –TheDiva
“Dear Lord … I pray that Barry does NOT have the runs tomorrow morning while accusing Michelle of human sacrifice.” –AeroSquid
“A3-G: The small airport is so small, it doesn’t even seem to have a plane. I’m guessing the travelers just climb up that big mountain in the background, strap on some cardboard wings, and jump off.” –Perky Bird
“Viewing today’s Curtis, I can only think of three possible explanations: 1. Curtis’ brother’s penis comes out of his sternum. 2. Curtis’ brother has an exceptionally long and hose-like penis, that can be pulled up and over the toilet bowl. 3. Curtis’ brother is making a mess! By the way, forgive me for not knowing his name (though perhaps it’s actually ‘Worm’, which would lead me to believe the explanation is number two?), but I do have a life. Just not one rich and full enough to keep me from thinking about cartoon character’s penises, apparently.” –kevinbapp.com
“I know that many, if not most, newspaper comics are typically not abreast of current news, fashion, trends, technologies, wars, speech patterns, behaviors of young people, etc., but is it actually a requirement? Do the comics syndicates have a non-compete clause in their contract with newspapers that prevents them from delivering any content that might be considered current?” –wagmore barkless
“My Internet Happy Box involves more yiffing, to be honest. Granted, I can only see so much in that last panel.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip
“When a colony collapses in the Batuikverse do you think a bee in a tuxedo and an opera mask shows up to carry off the hive?” –Hank
“So, Gil — you’ve taken an angry young man who pummeled your house with baseballs and paired him with a bunch of defenseless kids and easy access to unlimited baseballs? Yeah, that seems like a good judgment call. Those kids are going home covered in ball-sized welts.” –Old School Allie Cat
“I think that I shall never see/ A man like Crankshaft ’xplainin’ bees.” –Dingo
“‘SO WHAT’S THE REAL ANSWER?!’ Trick question. The bees are all alive and well, but the Army misidentified some other insects’ remains.” –Chyron HR
“If being shot at makes Mark think he’s on the right track, I imagine being killed will really make his day! ‘I’ve solved it! Huzzah!’ *dies*” –zooby
“I think the low-angle shot represents the contempt with which Crankshaft views his audience. He figures these ditzy broads won’t understand anything about his brilliant bee lecture unless he literally draws them a picture of an oversized, simplified cartoon bee. This is the ’Shaft’s equivalent of a Power Point presentation. Call it An Incontinent Truth.” –Joe Blevins
“I always wonder how longtime legacy strips end. Mostly, it seems to be with a week’s worth of maudlin nostalgia that seeks to manufacture a sense of loss in the reader. Rarely does a strip die a ‘natural death’, in the sense that the plot ties up and the story really has come to an end. All of which is to say — if tomorrow our orange assassin drills Mark Trail right between the eyes, with a final panel saying ‘So long! It’s been a great 63 years’, I will be thrilled and impressed beyond measure.” –David Schraub
“There are cutters in Dick Tracy, all right. They always start with the fingers.” –Dean Booth
“What next, a scene in which Edda smears a naked Amos with tiramisu and licks it off? Ow, I hurt my own brain.” –Poteet
“After reading Crankshaft for a while, maybe Death Panels aren’t such a bad idea.” –Wolf Shepherd
“If the reason the bees are dying is ‘rattlesnakes’, the past few weeks of Crankshaft will make perfect sense. Yes, including the fast forward. Rattlesnakes, man! They get their venom into your head and then you’re like … whoa, dude, I’m seeing flashbacks from every time I’ve ever seen a baseball game, except I’m in the future. Oh, wait, hold on. Did I say ‘rattlesnakes’? I meant ‘marijuana’. Marijuana is the only way the past few weeks of Crankshaft make any sense.” –Black Drazon
“So now we know the truth: Rodgers and Hammerstein songs make Delilah so instantly and powerfully aroused that when Charley sang them, she became terrified of her own physical desire and had to flee to the only man she knew would serve as an antidote to lust.” –buckyswife
“Yesterday I saw ‘salmon’ in a list of colors, and I realized that salmon squares aren’t so named because they’re made of fish — nobody knows what the heck they are, so they call them salmon squares, because they’re salmon-coloured squares. The next pool party will introduce aquamarine triangles.” –AirForbes
“Well it seems that Del and Lawrence, while unable to communicate in any semblance of a constructive manner, have put aside their differences because Lawrence would never dream of even looking at a woman in a one piece bathing suit, let alone owning a Thomas Kincade reproduction of one. Now they enjoy their chaste, chaste ‘love making’ which probably consists of a few minutes of solid hand holding while Lawrence reads aloud from Leviticus.” –Suspicious Patron
“2012 is either when this lame story is going to wind down or when someone finally identifies that weird rotting flesh smell coming from Charley’s apartment.” –walty
“Ugh. And now Lawrence proceeds to fill Delilah up with babies, as God intended.” –Nomstrosity
“I love the expression on Barfy’s face as he has an existential moment: ‘Dear God, I’m going to be stuck with these people for the rest of my life, aren’t I?'” –spazmodeas
“Wow, how big is that tent? Maybe the Keanes aren’t camping at all, but they’ve tented their house for termites — and because it’s raining outside, they’re all going to be poisoned. In which case, their lawsuit against the weatherman seems a little more winnable.” –BigTed
