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Mary Worth, 1/26/17

Guys! Did you know that millennials symbolize a sexual pair-bond with matching tattoos? And did you know that millennials refer to a tattoo as “an ink”, with “inks” being the plural? This is all 100% true, I am a millennial expert, please have me on your cultural affairs television program.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/26/17

Have you ever wondered what it would look if the “second coming” of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did not involve him returning to Earth to judge the living and the dead, as many believe will happen, but instead just took the form of him appearing as a walk-on character in the syndicated comic strip Barney Google and Snuffy Smith? Well now you know!

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Six Chix, 1/20/17

Are you interested in making an Uber joke and a lawyer joke, but aren’t too familiar with terminology pertaining to either? Here are some handy tips:

• Uber has a service called “Uber Pool” where you pay less but your driver will pick up and drop off other passengers en route. Might be good for a joke where you get more people than you expected!
• The collective noun for a group of lawyers is a “firm,” not a “horde.” The idea of a horde of lawyers might be funny if that were your main joke and you weren’t trying to wedge it into an entirely unrelated joke about Uber.

I thank you for your time.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/20/17

I was about to complain about projecting human body dysmorphic self-loathing onto animals, but then I saw the hearts above that pig’s head in panel two and realized we had much bigger things to worry about here.

Mark Trail, 1/20/17

NOOOO, MARK DON’T READ THE COMMENTS

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Gil Thorp, 1/18/17

Ahahahaha, I fully predicted this dumb plot twist in Gil Thorp! This reminds me of the time I successfully predicted that Gil’s ex-girlfriend would go back to teaching high school as a reality-show stunt, or that the nerdlinger basketball student manager was giving one of the players placebo adderall. I’m not sure which explanation is more unsettling: that I have a strange, psychic connection to Gil Thorp, or that, despite the fact that the “twists” in the strip’s plots are hilariously transparent, I’ve still spent a significant portion of my adult life to parsing the details with the same attention that a yeshiva scholar would dedicate to the Talmud.

Mary Worth, 1/18/17

I also predicted that Iris and Dawn would encounter each other at this dance party, but failed to predict that Dawn’s outfit would get even more hilarious below the shoulders. Is that a … romper? Or an overall dress? An overall dress with giant buckles? The crucifix is a nice touch, too. Is this … goth? Is Dawn goth? Or did she get bitten by a radioactive Hot Topic or something?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/18/17

Well, well, well, it looks like the residents of Hootin’ Holler consider forcing animals to fight for their amusement to be shameful an’ illegal, but consider forcing them to race for their amusement to be A-OK? That’s an interesting moral distinction that’s … uh, shared by society at large, so never mind, carry on.