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Gil Thorp, 7/22/09

You know how sometimes you get wind of the fact that they’re making a sequel to a movie you loved, and you allow yourself to get all excited about it, even though you know, deep in your heart of hearts, that it will probably never live up to the magic of the original? And you go to it and pay good money, hoping that among the Terminator: Salvations and Ghostbuster IIs you’ll have stumbled upon that rare Godfather: Part 2? Well, that’s how I sort of feel about the bubbling storyline here, in which Coach Kaz, P.I., is being urged to reprise his role from the utterly awesome summer of 2007, in which he stopped rock-and-roll legend Gail Martin from being harassed by her Ben Franklin-esque drummer. What Kaz, doesn’t mention, as he and Kelly enjoy their mid-up-scale dinner at Ricoze (called “Rico’s”, back when it was only mid-scale), is that he didn’t crack the Martin case by luck — he cracked it by hiring an actual detective to do the work for him. Perhaps he never admitted this to Gil in all the grandiose tales he told about that fateful summer?

Anyway, if there’s anything that makes me hopeful about a return to ’07-level awesomeness, it’s panel one here, in which Coach Kaz is lounging casually around in his Wayfarers, enjoying summer to its fullest. But remember, back in those heady days, Gil was teaching a kid who had accidentally cut off his own legs to box, and that was only the B-story. It’s going to be a tough act to follow.

Dennis the Menace, 7/22/09

This would be a good time for Mr. Wilson to be portrayed with his archetypical single bead of sweat; instead, his brow is dry and his eyes are thoughtful, if shifty. It’s almost as if he’s broken through years of anxiety and emotional turmoil on the subject of his irritating neighbor, and has reached a place of clarity; now, he’s attempting to apply rationality to the problem, beginning by contemplating the best places to stash the body.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/22/09

While the punchline in today’s Snuffy Smith is easy enough to parse — “Ha ha, the residents of Hootin’ Holler are subsistence farmers living in a pre-industrial economy” — I’m not sure what to make of the visual in the second panel, in which we see that the Smifs’ shack is perched at the end of a rocky, isolated outcropping. Are we meant to understand that relying only on local food sources and cutting ourselves off from the larger industrial food chain is like wobbling precariously at the edge of a cliff of starvation? Or that if these simple hill folk can extract sustenance from their boulder-strewn soil, surely we can too?

Judge Parker, 7/22/09

“I’m also concerned that your life vest is inflating! That shouldn’t happen until you’re out of the plane and in the water!”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/28/09

I find it kind of strange that Loweezy doesn’t specify what the “big, round number” in question is. Given the poor state of health care in this isolated, rural hamlet, I’m guessing it’s 15, which is approximately middle age for the average denizen of Hootin’ Holler.

Dennis the Menace, 6/28/09

Usually saying his prayers is among the least threatening things Dennis does, but in today’s strip he appears for the most part to be praying for evil things. Presumably he’s beseeching not our loving God but his Dark Lord, Satan himself.

Family Circus, 6/28/09

Fun fact! According to the never-wrong Wikipedia, “if a film uses ‘one of the harsher sexually derived words’ (such as ‘fuck’) one to four times, it is routine today for the film to receive a PG-13 rating, provided that the word is used as an expletive and not with a sexual meaning.” In other words, Dolly, you can go ahead and drop that F-bomb on your little brother, as long as you only want to use it three more times over the remainder of your life.

Marvin, 6/28/09

We all knew that Marvin was a repugnant fountain of excrement, but who knew that he was a record-breaking fountain of excrement? I don’t usually praise the art in Marvin, but I do think Jenny’s expression has been skillfully done here. It wordlessly conveys the sense of “Huh, so it’s come to this. I thought I’d feel more pain at reaching this point, but it seems that I’m not feeling … anything at all. Probably for the best, really.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/28/09

I’m not really sure what June means by “more than try” here, nor am I sure that I want to know. “I HAVE DETERMINED THAT I HAVE REACHED THE FERTILITY OPTIMUM FOR BOY-CHILD CREATION! GIVE ME YOUR SEED AT ONCE, DR. MORGAN!”

Spider-Man, 6/28/09

Despite the implication in this week’s NEXT box, I’m hoping we follow Spidey’s path in this branching storyline, and get to see the relative money-returning skills … of a spider! “Wow, who knew there’d be so much paperwork involved?” (NEXT! Black or blue ink only!)

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Your COTW momentarily, but first, I must once again point you in the direction of blog post from Margaret Shulock, writer for Apartment 3-G. Not only is Shulock the mind behind the A3G storylines and one of the six chicks of Six Chix, she’s also, as this post revealed, one of the writers for Snuffy Smith! Mind-bogglingly, this blog post shows that Snuffyisms sometimes start drifting into the A3G world, and, in this follow-up comment, reveals that she knows all too well how terrifying Margo Magee is. (Thanks to faithful reader Greg for the tip!)

Ahem! And with that, here is your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Is there some reason why Daddy Keane spends his week off standing around at home, wearing a coat and tie, yelling at his spouse? Maybe I’m misunderstanding. Maybe Billy doesn’t mean ‘off’ as in ‘off work,’ but as in ‘do these leftovers smell a bit off?'” –wagmore barkless

And the amusing runners-up!

“Kudos to Mr. Woody Wilson for this delightfully silly story. However, he missed a wonderful opportunity. With better timing, Godiva could have made her entrance at cheerleader tryouts riding a horse, just like her namesake. We wouldn’t have to cringe at her ill-fitting capri pants.” –Fashion Police

“‘Let’s not grow old’? Sorry, Garfield’s schtick grew old some time during the Reagan administration.” –sully

“Why is Shannon such an apparently angry child? Because she’s drawn poorly? Because the ‘fun afternoon’ cousin Toni promised is ‘visiting’ with a banged-up invalid? Because Brad doesn’t have cable?” –bats :[

“The theme of this week’s Family Circus is the Keanes’ inevitable decline into homelessness. Tuesday was the revelation of the empty bank account. Wednesday, Daddy is kicking snack machines in order to get free groceries. By Friday, the Keanes will be living in their car, with Jeffy firmly locked in the trunk.” –Elizabeth Helena

“In today’s Wild Kingdom of Suburbia, the mother soothes her daughter’s nerves by picking the nits out of her hair. This is a gesture of affection between primates and not at all creepy.” –Li’l Bunnë FooFoo

On “sexting” in Gil Thorp: “Maybe there’s a more appropriate term better suited to this plot. PG-thirteening? Textitlating? Annoying?” –PeteMoss

“Now look, you two, we all know the human body is an eldritch, terrifying thing, but as gym teachers I figure you two are the closest I have on staff to understanding it. Please deal with the charges of mild nudity that have been brought to my attention while I sit here learning new portmanteaus from the Internet. ” –Black Drazon

“Add ‘unusually strong wrists’ to Delilah’s list of accomplishments (right under: ‘is prodigy’). I’ve never seen anyone hold an entire galvanized bucket full of the severed fingers of children at quite that angle.” –Jeremiah

“If we want to talk about felonies, does Dr. Pearl know that two of her coaches are knowingly attempting to give the entire baseball team hyperthermia?” –Alan’s Addiction

“That first panel in Gil Thorp is so full of despair. Letter-M t-shirt guy sits next to a girl crying into her giant ravioli. Maybe it’s because they only have mucilage to drink.” –Patrick

“‘Where’s Town Park Beach?’ ‘Down behind Town Park Beach Hill, just follow Town Park Beach Road.’ ‘Ah, next to Town Park Beach Park!’ Well, at least they’re concrete. Herb and Jamaal would call them all ‘Noun Noun Noun Noun’.” –5-Sigma Freud

“Finally, headway has been made for a Family Circus-themed video game. ‘Bil Keane’s Pro Skater’ is slated to hit shelves December 14, 2009. I’ve got a lawn chair and a blanket, ready to camp out on the sidewalk along my nearest Best Buy. Black dashed line Easter Egg, bitches!” –Thorzul

“Meanwhile Lu Ann is, predictably, baffled and terrified by the phone’s evil magic. ‘When are you coming home, baby?’ [Crickets.] ‘But, I AM home … Ruby?!? Is that you? Where’s Tommie? How’d you get in the little box with TOMMIE?!'” –boojum

“In the first pic, ‘Daddy’s’ actually surprised at the news of his cuckoldry; in the second, he’s grown accustomed to it. ‘Yes, that’s your mother’s cult leader, alright.'” –Rock Ripsnort

“It’s kind of sad that Billy (age 7) has a better grasp on actual human body proportions than either his dad or his creator. Maybe years of sneaking peeks at daddy’s secret magazines and a house with no mirrors (or ‘devil glass’) has actually taught him an artistic skill, which shall be beaten out of him once the pastor is summoned.” –walty

“My God, Crankshaft is the most likable character in this strip! I wish I could jump into the strip and do something really offensive on their kitchen floor. You wanna act horrified? I’ll give ya something to be horrified about!” –Donald the Anarchist

“What’s a ‘tramp stamp’? Does it have something to do with ‘sexting’? Did Time or Newsweek happen to write about this?” –teddytoad

“I love how the Hitler family is too afraid of Maramduke to clean up the growing pile of picnic baskets, despite the potential attention of the police. Perhaps they hope a SWAT team will finally take down the beast. They are wrong.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“The artists at Mary Worth must own dogs. The expression she wears, the angle of her head when she asks Delilah what’s stopping her, is identical to that of a basset hound who walks in on a couple having sex.” –NoahSnark

“I’m constantly amazed that anyone in Funky Winkerbean would name their child something as upbeat as Summer when there are far bleaker and more depressing seasons available.” –Carrie

“Wow, Mary Worth. Way to jump right into someone’s personal business. ‘Larry and I wanted to have children of our own.’ ‘What’s stopping you? ARE YOU BARREN?'” –Mdgoldrush1984

“I can’t ask him to stop … but I can make him, by stabbing him with this eating utensil.” –Carly

“I must figure out how to enlarge that second panel with Mary’s face and print it out so I can put it on my fridge. I can feel the pounds dropping off now.” –Poteet

“So, Delilah’s favorite dish is ‘chunks.’ Toby prefers briquettes, while Jeff likes slabs. Put them together, and you’ve got the combo meal at the Olive Garden in Hell.” –gkl

“Beetle Bailey gives us a whole strip full of punching/eating puns, yet there’s not a single mention of the ‘knuckle sandwich.’ What have these guys been doing all these years, if not memorizing the language of vicious beatings?” –BigTed

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