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Beetle Bailey, 11/15/17

It’s really pretty hard to figure out what the saddest thing going on here is. Is it that the Army can’t accommodate the needs of its older officers and their touchy digestive/urinary systems? Is it that General Halftrack is so thoroughly dedicated to his job that he’s willing to piss and/or shit himself in public? Is it that he’s decided that wearing five adult diapers simultaneously is a good strategy, even though a little thought on the logistics of this would reveal that you’d pretty quickly need to get somewhere private to remove some of the layers, which negates the whole purpose of the move? Or is it that Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC feels a need to compete with Marvin in the piss play/scat humor space? Whatever you choose, I think we should all give kudos to the artist, who managed to sympathetically depict the true pathos and anxiety on General Halftrack’s face while simultaneously giving him a comically large diaper-padded ass.

Marvin, 11/15/17

Speaking of Marvin, it’s not true that all the strip’s characters are required to stew in their own feces or urine in order to amuse this feature’s dedicated readership. Technically, their contract just says they need to occasionally “soil themselves.”

Funky Winkerbean, 11/15/17

Oh, good news, beloved embittered dead comics book artist Phil Holt has now joined Dead Saint Lisa in Funkyverse purgatory, where you just follow your loved ones around all the time, even if that means you have to watch them fool around in a car. Since Phil’s only loved ones were his precious comics covers, he’ll be following them to wherever they’re gonna get auctioned off to, I guess. Anyway, I’ve always hoped that one of the benefits of moving on to the next plane of existence is that you get a certain perspective on and insight into our mortal world, but it’s tough to watch Phil learn that comic books really are for nerds.

Family Circus, 11/5/17

Ha ha, Jeffy has misunderstood something as criticism and is absolutely furious about it, and is seeking reassurance from an authority figure. He’s gonna go far in life, this one!

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Beetle Bailey, 11/10/17

Today definitely represents a high point in the 67-year-long failure to pass the Bechdel Test that is Beetle Bailey. The joke (“joke”) requires another woman with whom Private Blips can cattily gossip about Miss Buxley. Too bad there aren’t female characters available! Apparently it wasn’t considered realistic for her to be chatting with Mrs. Halftrack, Sgt. Lugg, or Sgt. Lugg’s cat [the following name came instantly to mind, despite my inability to remember, say, how old any of my nieces or nephews are] Bella, so the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC creative team just summoned a raven-haired doppelgänger out of the ether for her.

Gil Thorp, 11/10/17

Wow, Rick’s thousand-mile stare in the final panel is something. In an instant, he sees his life flickering ahead of him: his fame on message boards and Facebook groups frequented by elderly war vets will inevitably lead to a tour of VFW halls around the country, endless staring into seas of rheumy eyes as excited to hear patriotic ditties as they are suspicious of his shaggy-haired youthfulness. He’s going to be singing the national anthem a lot. Maybe “God Bless America,” too, if he’s feeling a little crazy. But he and Francis Scott Key are going to be locked in an intimate, suffocating embrace for years to come.

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Six Chix, 11/7/17

Each of the titular six chix only gets a comic in one day a week in this strip. So, I can see how frustrating it would be if your assigned day was Tuesday, but you came up with a joke about Daylight Savings Time that’s so side-splittingly hilarious but also poignant, timely, and not at all baffling or opaque that it seems a crime not to publish it a few days later! Thank goodness King Features decided to treat this whole week as “Daylight Savings Week” and allow continued time-laffs through at least Saturday so we could enjoy this strip.

Mary Worth, 11/7/17

Technically, Wilbur isn’t an explorer at all, since he’s travelling to countries with long-established populations that are well-connected to our global civilization. Iris, on the other hand, is an explorer, as she’s going to explore her long-neglected erotic sensibilities — which, again, is in contrast with Wilbur, whose signature sex move is to remain absolutely still until the danger passes.

Mark Trail, 11/7/17

As an LA resident, I personally find this Mark Trail very relatable. Driving all the way to LAX is a huge pain in the ass, and there are a variety of easy transit and ridesharing options you can take without too much expense or hassle. If you pick someone up at the airport, they had better be the perfect guest, in my opinion!

Beetle Bailey, 11/7/17

I know Major Greenbrass’s line in panel one is phrased so unnaturally in order to set up the punchline, but I’d like to imagine that he’s careful to avoid big technical words that General Halftrack doesn’t understand, like “electricity.”