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Here’s something genuinely nice the comics are doing on Thanksgiving: auctioning off original comic strips to benefit those affected by this year’s brutal hurricane season. You know it’s legit because it’s being run by Heritage Auctions, who recently did a similar auction to benefit Lisa’s Legacy Fund! Anyway, what artistic gems from today’s funny pages can you bid on?

Beetle Bailey, 11/23/17

Well, you can help those suffering from want by purchasing a strip reminding you that some people have such a surfeit of resources that they’re literally drowning each other in food out of spite.

Dennis the Menace, 11/23/17

Or you can remind them that, as bad as things get, they don’t live in a world of mingled ignorance and anxiety that has them convinced that they’re about to eat a beloved icon from their childhood!

Blondie, 11/23/17

If you really want to take their minds off their troubles, celebrate their perseverance with this image of Dagwood as a nightmarish three-headed sleep-Cerberus, in a surrealistic image that only draws further attention to his weird neck situation by tripling his number of necks.

Mary Worth, 11/23/17

You know what no amount of tax-deductible charitable donations can buy, though? This amazing work of art, apparently, in which Wilbur screams, silently, but with his mouth gaping open, at … something in Pedro’s oficina. What could it be? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro locked in a passionate embrace? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro monitoring the eBay auctions they’ve set up for the emerald ring Wilbur bought Fabiana and also Wilbur’s kidneys? Is it a huge motivational poster announcing that “WE’RE SALSA DANCERS, NOT MAYONNAISE DANCERS: NO SANDWICHES ALLOWED ON PREMISES”? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

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Mark Trail, 11/21/17

Mark’s sidekick Johnny was too cowardly to gun down a woman, so instead he’s going to lure her down to the tunnel under the bank, where the bear will eat her.

Spider-Man, 11/21/17

Sorry all comedy writers everywhere, but nothing you produce this week will be funnier than “I can’t have my wife back — but at least maybe I can grow a new arm.” Anyway, I’m glad we’re finally going to find out why supposed science nerd Peter Parker works in the incredibly low-paying field of freelance news photography rather than getting a job as a lab tech or something. I assume that it’s because he’s actually pretty bad at science, which is great for me because I’m psyched to see one of his screwups turn Dr. Connors into a lizard.

Beetle Bailey, 11/21/17

Man, I have to say, Lt. Fuzz was not at the top of my “who at Camp Swampy is going to plan the coup” list.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/21/17

Boy, this bluegrass version of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” sure changed some things!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/19/17

America’s rural, non-coastal areas have some legitimate beefs about how they’re depicted in the media, and it’s a constant sad demonstration of how little cultural reach comics have anymore that nobody has ever tried to organize an angry boycott of newspapers that run Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. A lot of jokes work on the principle of misdirection, and here’s how this one does it: you think city slicker Barney Google, with his talk of “stores,” is going to get schooled by Snuffy, who still hunts for turkey just like the pilgrims and Native Americans did in the 17th century. But nope, turns out he’s just a thief! Ha ha!

Beetle Bailey, 11/19/17

A fun thing about writing a comic strip is that you can get ideas from anywhere in your daily life! For instance, maybe the tech nerds who run the syndicate these days have it set up so you have to log in to upload the comic art now instead of just having your assistant FedEx it like you did for years, and maybe you’ve misplaced the post-it where you wrote down your password. Good news! By the time you manage to log in, you’ve already got next Sunday’s strip written!