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Mark Trail, 11/29/14

“If only this person with political/economic power could see how beautiful this natural area is, surely they wouldn’t despoil it!” is a common Mark Trail trope, and is obviously completely realistic: why wouldn’t the chief executive of a possibly publicly traded corporation write off a multimillion dollar land investment when they discover that nature is pretty? It’s possible, though, that Mark has something more sinister in mind. Doesn’t his smile in panel two seem a bit cruel? Remember, a couple of weeks ago Mark went swimming and encountered a bull shark … a “monster”, you might say. Mark is going to lure this sinister environment-destroying CEO to a bloody, horrible shark-death, is what I’m trying to get at. He’ll listen to the man’s dying screams, stare grimly down at the gore in the water, then call his masters at the Earth Liberation Front. “The shark ate him!” he’ll say.

Beetle Bailey, 11/29/14

Yes, at last, General Halftrack admits the troops under his control are completely outside the U.S. military command structure! Can we please get his treason trial underway now?

Mary Worth, 11/29/14

HEY SEAN SHE’S THINKIN BOUT YOUR HOT BOD JUST FYI

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Heathcliff, 11/11/14

There’s a lot of things I love about today’s Heathcliff. There is, for instance, the fact that Heathcliff’s owner-grandpa apparently has a blonde toupee that we’ve never seen before; the fact that Heathcliff holds this toupee in such low regard that he dug it out of whatever dark closet it’s been hidden away in for years in order to show everyone exactly what he thinks of it; and the fact that everyone seems to recognize that putting the toupee on a football and then spiking that is meant as a public display of contempt. But my favorite part is the little fist-pump Heathcliff’s owner-child is making as he watches this ritualistic act. “You spike that toupee-football, Heathcliff,” he seems to be thinking to himself. “You spike it. You show that thing. It sucks.”

Beetle Bailey, 11/11/14

Don’t be too quick to thank a soldier today, America: you could be talking to one of the really shitty ones! This is your Veteran’s Day message from Beetle Bailey, America’s foremost military-themed comic strip.

Family Circus, 11/11/14

A true sociopath, who is unable to feel any real empathy for another human being, is likely to view emotional interactions as purely transactional, and those transactions as an opportunity for power plays. Thus little Jeffy has become an emotional mafioso, darkly reminding his mother than she hasn’t paid up in full when it comes to affection and that he’ll be coming by to collect his due later.

Mary Worth, 11/11/14

Nice try, Mary! While you’re distracted and nattering on about how you’ll chauffer Hanna around for the next three years, she’s secretly moved the steering wheel over to her side of the car and is now driving you! You’ll never stop her from driving! Never!

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Beetle Bailey, 11/8/14

We all know that Saturdays in Beetle Bailey are for Crushingly Depressing Halftrack Episodes, and while usually these are marital in nature this Amos Halftrack solo outing is a pretty good effort! Isn’t the whole point of drinking yourself into a stupor just to numb all the feelings? Wouldn’t you get the same results staring up into the cold, driving rain, with the added bonus that maybe you’ll develop that bout of pneumonia that finally ends it all?

Herb and Jamaal, 11/8/14

“Boy, it seems like this is a real opportunity for a teachable moment — or a ‘preachable moment,’ hee hee! I should put that on the church sign! But anyway, I could talk to Herb about the potential pitfalls of looking at biblical passages without fully grasping the larger context in which they’re embedded, but I’m on my lunch break, so fuck that noise.”

Marvin 11/8/14

MARVIN: O R I G I N S