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Six Chix, 5/24/06

Yeah, so this makes all kinds of no sense. I suppose it’s supposed to be a play on the metaphorical and literal meanings of the phrase “horn blowing,” but … but … but. I want to believe that this isn’t just totally insane, but I just can’t figure out how. Help. Please.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/24/06

Fun new phrase to try to deploy in everyday life: “Pretzel Playroom.” Fun new name to suggest to expectant parents as a substitute for “Taylor” or “Devlin”: “Arfo.”

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/06

Question: Was the dashing police officer sexually attracted to Miss Buxley … or to her sexy, sexy car? Also, note that said sexy, sexy car has some pimpin’ rims, to the extent that the universe of Beetle Bailey can accommodate the concept of “pimpin’ rims.” Also also, I know that it’s probably a goof-up among the coloring monkeys, but I’d like to think that Miss Blips’ hair is suddenly blonde because she’s desperate to find out if blondes really do have more fun. (Did you know that her name was Miss Blips? I had to look it up. Yes, it’s a reference to her tiny breasts — they’re just “blips on the radar screen” compared to Miss Buxley’s — which no doubt means that the dye job won’t help.)

In cockroach news, after a bout of judicious insecticide spraying and a thorough mopping of the cat floor area to eliminate scent trails, I awoke to a roach-free cat dish this morning. Hopefully they aren’t marshaling their forces for some sort of counterattack.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/26-7/06

Well, no wonder she’s sick all the time, with these quacks for parents. I guess they’re trying to conclusively settle the “feed a cold and starve a fever, or vice-versa?” argument. Maybe they can convince Dr. Troy to open an all-dessert-based clinic, with Lou from Mary Worth as a silent partner.

Abbey, as always the smartest one in the room, looks like she’s unconvinced about the effectiveness of this protocol. She also looks to me disturbingly like a whacked-out Axl Rose (like there’s any other kind). But then, in panel two in Wednesday’s strip, Sarah looks a lot like Angela Lansbury, so I may be seeing things.

Beetle Bailey, 4/27/06

That’s funny, I think my initial response to “Beetle didn’t open his chute” would have been “If he isn’t careful, he’ll plummet to a terrifying, painful death.” Guess that’s why I’m not in the army!

Apartment 3-G, 4/27/06

“Yeah, your art, your passion, your life’s work … snoresville! It’s good thing you’re so dull yourself, so you don’t notice. I’m going to go do something more interesting now, like listen to myself talk. Ta!”

Judge Parker, 4/27/06

Oh, yuck. Is that what they’re calling it these days? I hope for his clients’ sake that he isn’t treating this time as billable hours.

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Beetle Bailey, 12/6/05

Curtis, 12/6/05

Egads! Not one, but two comics today revolve around foul aromas arising from the bodies of their title characters — and yet there’s a complete absence of stink lines! Curtis is admittedly emitting visible anger radiation waves and a couple of Cathy-style sweatballs for good measure, but it’s not enough for me. I want stink lines! Give me stink lines!

The trio of uniformed soldiers, their identities effaced by those soulless, dead-eyed gas masks, seem to me to be not so much “jovially teasing Beetle about his smelly feet” but rather “creepy as hell.” They look like they’re part of some surrealist anti-war performance art piece, or possibly back-up singers for Devo. I’m pretty sure the guy on the right is Killer. I was trying to figure out the other two when I suddenly realized that I was spending time and energy determining the identities of gas-masked characters in Beetle Bailey, briefly had a serious moment of contemplation about the direction of my life, and then stopped.