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Hi and Lois, 6/28/23

The word “organ” in English originally referred to the musical instrument, and the process by which its sense drifted so that it came to also mean a body part used for a certain function, while the adjective “organic” now primarily means “free from pesticides and fertilizers” is complex and, like most etymological changes, arbitrary. (A parallel process in French produced biologique as the analogue to “organic” in English, which always tickles me.) But, look, here’s the thing: babies, though you might be tempted to think of them as people with fully formed minds but very little information about the world, which leads them to try to reason everything out from first principles, are not in fact like that at all, especially when it comes to language acquisition. They just learn words they hear people say and figure out their meaning from context, so they’re going to be able to tell what “organic” means independent of what “organs” are and might not make the connection for years! Also, how much are Hi and Lois talking about organs in front of their baby? Seems suspect. Let’s put a pin in that for later.

Mary Worth, 6/28/23

Obviously if one of my beloved pets had vanished and I had been primed by sensationalistic local news coverage to believe that they had been kidnapped, I would be distraught. But I feel like I have enough distance from the situation here to point out that (a) Greta’s disappearance was, like several days ago and (b) even if Max could track Greta’s scent, he definitely couldn’t track the scent of the van that Saul thinks took Greta away. What I’m trying to say is that it actually does not matter how fast Saul hustles on this mission, so he shouldn’t endanger his health just so he feels like he’s putting in his “best effort”.

Beetle Bailey, 6/28/23

OK, I retract my statement from Monday, Sarge/Beetle secret romance content is fully back and it’s better than ever

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Marvin, 6/26/23

“Because you said it in front of him in English, a language he absolutely speaks and understands! Yeah, I know, he’s a baby, or maybe a toddler, or maybe a four-year-old who isn’t potty trained, and sometimes he uses thought balloons and sometimes speech balloons. Nobody really can explain what’s going on. Anyway, it’s a good thing we don’t seem to be required to do a ‘joke’ of any sort here. Egg shortage ended a while ago, incidentally.”

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/23

Look, I’m as glad as anyone to say good-bye to my mid-to-late ’00s vogue for “ho ho, what if Beetle and Sarge were … FUCKING … in a kinky way” jokes, but I do appreciate that they still take the time to antagonistically flirt with one another now and then.

The Phantom, 6/26/23

Believe it or not, The Phantom is still years deep into this “the Phantom springs Savarna from prison … and the consequences may be catastrophic” storyline and I don’t feel a need to keep you updated on the details, but I do need to point out that CHHFROOSH! is a top-tier sound effect that we all need to recognize and respect.

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Pearls Before Swine, 6/10/23

I’m taking a slight break from my usual routine here to relay a personal anecdote. On Saturday, I went to a showing of The Philadelphia Story at one of the big historic movie palaces in downtown LA, and one of my personal crosses to bear is my inability to be chill about the fact that grown-ass adults cannot stay off their fucking phones even at special events like this. The guy sitting in front of me had one of those absolutely enormous phones that bordered on tablet size, and all through the pre-show stuff where the lights were down and they had a film historian giving a presentation about the movie, this guy had his phone on and sitting in his lap and the browser was open to the Pearls Before Swine strip you see above. Mostly he was paying attention to the presentation but every once in a while he would look down at the strip and zoom in on the phone so he could read it better. This went on for like 10 minutes; he did not look at any other strips, just this specific one. He turned the phone off before the actual movie started, but if I had had to tell some dude to NOT LOOK AT A NEWSPAPER COMIC DURING A MOVIE, surely I would have become the Comics Curmudgeon in that role’s final form. Anyway, if the person who was doing this is reading these words right now, sorry to drag you in public like this, but: when the lights go down, the phone should go off.

Beetle Bailey, 6/12/23

“I’m also burdened by feelings I can’t quite articulate about how my hair-trigger rage is damaging my relationships with other people and my own conception of myself as a basically good person.”

Gil Thorp, 6/12/23

The kids who got busted by Marty Moon for selling vape sticks were all boys, so I’m not sure why Gil feels like he has to alert the girls’ team’s coaches about it in the middle of a game. I guess he figures if his afternoon just got ruined, so should everyone else’s.

Slylock Fox, 6/12/23

Today’s Slylock Fox is a good example of why using a rigorous program of logic to suss out the truth is simply not enough for any law enforcement operation. Sure, Slylock can smugly point out that only a mammal would need hair care products, but the criminal reptile’s refusal to surrender in the face of this “gotcha” means that Sly is resorting to the hotel’s front desk workers to actually apply the force necessary to catch the thief, which implies that he’s failed to grasp the true nature of the problem he faces.