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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Crankshaft will not let the world off so easily

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/19/22

So, I guess several years ago Susan Smith thought about killing herself, but she was saved by the fortunate arrival of Ed Crankshaft, who revealed that he too in a moment of great personal darkness contemplated taking his own life. Susan will now move forward powered by the revelation that Ed is about to bestow upon her that’s defined his life for the past 50+ years: that you can take that overwhelming self-loathing and turn it outwards, and that you can make your own misery bearable by making literally every person you interact with miserable as well.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because Miss Buxley is subject to endless sexual harassment at the workplace that the army refuses to do anything to stop, so she’s resorting to desperate measures!

Dennis the Menace, 10/19/22

Look, man, your dad put on a tuxedo for this bullshit, so what if he had to psych himself up in the bathroom for a little bit before you left, cut him some slack

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Friday is for ass

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Beetle Bailey, 10/14/22

There’s a lot to potentially get hung up on here — Otto has a date, Otto and his date are talking rather than using thought balloons, Otto’s date was an award-winning Broadway actress and he’s only learning this now, Otto’s date won a “Bony” that’s literally a bone — but the thing I’m choosing to get hung up on is that Otto’s date is named “Marley”. Is this a Marley and Me reference? Is Marley here supposed to be a golden retriever? Marley in Marley and Me was a male dog, by the way, just putting that out there.

Hi and Lois, 10/14/22

I was about to write something mean about this, but you know what? By having a couple teen musicians sitting around talking about how cool classic rock icons who all died as a result of substance abuse were, this is officially the most realistic depiction of teenagers in the entire history of Hi and Lois. My only note is that they’d probably throw Kurt Cobain in there too.

Curtis, 10/14/22

Here’s today’s Curtis, in which Curtis and Barry imagine what their mother would look like with a big ass. Enjoy your weekend!

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Friday quickies

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/30/22

“So, guys, it’s been a couple years and we’ve crunched the numbers and the new ‘Sparkplug’s Grandson Li’l Sparky’ character hasn’t really captured the youth market like we’d hoped. We need to come up with some ways to make him appealing to Millen– er, Zoomers, I guess. C’mon, guys, no bad ideas. [long pause] How about pumpkin spice lattes? The kids today love pumpkin spice lattes, right?”

Beetle Bailey, 9/30/22

“And what’s the phone number for HUAC, so I can report her for Communism”

Mary Worth, 9/30/22

[Mary and Jeff spend the next six weeks quietly reading an anthology of the beloved comic strip For Better Or For Worse]