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Funky Winkerbean, 11/16/21

Remember how after the big post-Lisa’s-death Funky Winkerbean time jump, all the promotional material around the strip said it was going to push its aging cast into the background and focus more on a whole new set of teen characters to get back to its roots as a high school trip? Well, that very obviously never happened, possibly because it turns out that the average age of a newspaper comics reader is well within the range of Social Security eligibility, a group that intensely hates and fears teens. To cater to that demographic, the strip appears to be paying more and more attention to the generation older than the original cast. Like Funky’s dad, for instance! You remember him, right? His whole deal is that he’s enfeebled to the extent that Funky put him in a home, but he’s also very horny? This church choir story just took a turn, is what I’m saying, a horny, horny turn.

Dustin, 11/16/21

You ever wonder if Dustin’s family gets so sick of Dustin’s dad that they just tell him he has to leave and be insufferable at someone else for a few hours? Well, turns out they do, I’m pleased to report!

Beetle Bailey, 11/16/21

Remember earlier this year, when we learned that in addition to being an amiable moron, Zero is a terrifyingly efficient killing machine? Well, today we find out that he thinks shooting someone in the head is what sex is! Ha ha, look how satisfied he looks in panel two.

Gil Thorp, 11/16/21

How “enh” has this fall’s Gil Thorp plot been? We’ve finally got to the big twist, and it’s that … Tevin has been receiving qualified care from a professional therapist, and that helped him more than YouTube hypnosis! You can tell the kids are as bored as we are because they’re just stone cold going nuts about it, or maybe just because someone is standing on a table. “Hold on, Karl,” says Coach Kaz says. “Someone using a piece of furniture for something other than its intended purpose? This is interesting!”

Mary Worth, 11/16/21

oh my god it worked Wilbur scared off Dr. Ed with his aggressive karaoke violence, I don’t know if I’m furious or very impressed

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Beetle Bailey, 11/12/21

Plato is exactly the kind of dork who would try to pull off the “the most erotic organ of all is the brain” thing, but declaring that he’s about to read erotic fiction and jerk off his cerebral cortex right here in front of everybody is a bridge too far.

Family Circus, 11/12/21

Meanwhile, Billy is claiming to have some kind of terrible amoeboid brain parasite in a last ditch effort to avoid the consequences of just being kind of dumb.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/12/21

Here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm! It’s about some dogs that are about to piss on another dog’s tongue.

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Beetle Bailey, 11/10/21

Wow, is it up to me now to be the guardian of Beetle Bailey lore? I guess it is, so here’s my gripe: this is absolutely not a Zero gag. Zero’s gags are about being stupid and being a farm boy. This one might be good for Rocky (anti-authority), Killer (opportunity to dress “sexy” for the ladies), or even Beetle (general slovenliness). On the other hand, if Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC truly thinks only morons would want to have casual Friday in their workplace, that summons up the image of them all coming in to the office to churn out Hi and Lois in suits and ties, which is pretty funny in and of itself.

Mary Worth, 11/10/21

Hmm, I’m going to go ahead and declare Estelle’s choice of TSwift for her response song as “basic.” Could’ve been bolder, but, you know what, it’s appropriate, and with Wilbur you need to be as on the nose and direct as possible, so I’ll allow it.

Family Circus, 11/10/21

This is why you don’t let books with non-biblical worldviews inside the Keane Kompound. Look at that dinosaur’s sexy sneer! No storks are necessary here: that dinosaur definitely fucks.