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Blondie, 10/19/15

Ha ha, kids today with their crazy indecipherable nonsense phrases, amiright? “What’s cracking,” which something that literally my grandfather said? “Wassap” and “Howzit,” which which are wholly transparent contractions of extremely common English turns of phrase? Who exactly is this Blondie catering to? Space aliens who are angry that a language dataset composed entirely of academic prose didn’t prepare them for the reality of conversation with English-speaking humans?

Gil Thorp, 10/19/15

Hmm, Mimi, you say this isn’t about some long-ago Gil-fulcrumed love triangle, yet you seem awfully eager to flash your wedding ring in your erstwhile rival’s face, don’t you? Or at least that’s what the producers of Welcome Back, Carter hope to imply, by focusing their cameras right on your ring finger. This is great stuff! Really juicy! Viewers will go nuts!

Marvin, 10/19/15

I’m totally willing to accept the convention whereby preverbal infants in comic strips express fully formed sentences in thought-balloon form, for comedy’s sake. I’m less thrilled when multiple preverbal infants communicate with each other via words that appear in thought balloons. I’m particularly opposed to preverbal infants thought-ballooning to each other over the phone. What, can phones transmit psychic baby thoughtwaves as well as sounds now? It’s too much to suspend disbelief. (Also, nobody wants to hang out with Marvin, LOL)

Mary Worth, 10/19/15

Ha, I genuinely love that after hiding out in Mary’s apartment, Toby didn’t even bother to text her or anything to say “Things are great!” Nope, as soon as she and Ian realized they could continue to tolerate each other, she just stopped thinking about Mary altogether! Mary’s been reduced to lurking by the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of the happy-ish couple just to make sure they didn’t murder each other.

Slylock Fox, 10/19/15

OH MY GOD SLYLOCK FOX IS JUST STRAIGHT-UP STEALING THINGS FROM COUNT WEIRDLY NOW

HOW IS SLYLOCK STILL THE GOOD GUY AND COUNT WEIRDLY THE BAD GUY IN THIS COMIC STRIP

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE

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Gil Thorp, 10/15/15

This Milford Reality Show storyline has so far managed to avoid the Gil’s Wife Vs. Gil’s Kind Of Famous Ex Who Has Returned To The High School Where Gil And His Wife Work To Film A Reality Show drama that any actual reality show would be leaning on pretty hard. Mimi is helping project a united Thorpian front of disdain for the whole project — but at night, while Gil’s asleep, she’s doing some secret viewing! Is she just unable to turn away from the raw drama that she knows will be at the heart of Welcome Back Carter? Or is she merely using her DVR to follow that ancient dictate of Sun Tzu: know your enemy? (I’m assuming this is DVR’d. Otherwise this seems like a lot of to-do for a show that’s being broadcast at 2 a.m.)

Crankshaft, 10/15/15

I like the contrast between the mayor’s look of steely determination in panel two, as if he’d just displayed Strong Leadership, with the pathetic results in panel three. We’re learning that the mayor isn’t necessarily evil or neglectful; it’s just that there’s only so much power an elected politician has against the intractable bureaucrats of the Deep State. Perhaps this storyline will end with Ralph being elected, only to discover the essential futility of attempting to bring about change through electoral politics. This is the grimmest possible ending for this plot, which, seeing as this is the Funkyverse, makes me suspect it’s what we’re going to get.

Blondie, 10/15/15

Look, Dithers, he’s trying to give you plausible deniability here. What sort of evil boss are you that you can’t take a hint?

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Mark Trail, 9/10/15

Let’s all take a minute to appreciate what a thoughtful nature journalist Mark Trail is. Sure, that box of glowing rods marked by a giant radiation symbol is probably full of radioactive material, but wouldn’t it be embarrassing if a team from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission came out and found a bunch of gag novelty items or something like that? I think once Mark does eventually call them in, and they hear that he dicked around for a few days waiting for special dive suits to be shipped to him and then went poking around himself without any training on how to handle radioactive material, they’ll be glad he didn’t waste their time!

Blondie, 9/10/15

About a year ago I tore into Blondie for obviously having no idea what Twitter was or how it worked, so I now I have to recognize progress: as of September of 2015, Blondie knows exactly what Twitter is and how it works. Be sure to follow me on Twitter and watch how my tweeting rate increases rapidly as my workload and deadlines mount!

Dennis the Menace, 9/10/15

The only employer you ever hear Mr. Wilson talking about is the U.S. Postal Service. So, one job for his whole life, union representation, and a pension on retirement? Story checks out.

Momma, 9/10/15

“Phew! She can’t taste the slow-acting poison after all! The nice man I ordered it from over the Internet was telling the truth!”