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Family Circus, 1/17/10

The leadership of the Keane Kompound can only be transferred when son defeats father in mortal combat, which explains why Billy is so wild-eyed with joy at the prospect of growing another few inches. “Watch out, Daddy! I’m gainin’ on you! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.”

Mary Worth, 1/17/10

“Sure, Scott, it’s great that we turned down Jill’s generous gift and are sticking with our original plans to honeymoon at some crappy local chain motel! And I love the fact that you find the occasion so low-key that you’re just wearing an old undershirt! When I burst into tears as we have our honeymoon dinner at Arby’s, it will be because I just love you so much!”

Blondie, 1/17/10

Dagwood cares more about fatty food and the people who serve it to him than he does about his own children, to the surprise of no one.

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Luann, 1/15/10

Toni is happy now to leave Shannon with Luann and “Billy the Bookworm,” but will she be prepared to deal with the inevitable PTSD that will result when Shannon actually sees Billy in all his worm-cocked glory?

The Lockhorns, 1/15/10

The Lockhorns are spending the weekend indulging in the one pastime for which they still share an abiding passion: huffing paint thinner.

Blondie, 1/15/10

Ha ha! It’s funny because Dagwood’s dream was crushed!

Ziggy, 1/15/10

Ziggy is racist against squirrels.

(Psst! I’m off on a trip for the long weekend — Sunday and Monday strips will go up Monday evening.)

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Apartment 3-G, 11/19/10

This is something like day six of Tommie’s new concert piano being the source of Apartment 3-G’s drama without said piano actually appearing, and I’m beginning to think that the strip’s artist (who, remember, is not the same person at the strip’s writer) is unwilling or unable to draw one and desperately hoping that the story’s focus will shift to something more up his alley. “The doorbell’s ringing! Maybe it’ll be a handsome sandy-haired man wearing a suit jacket and no tie!”

Blondie, 11/19/10

I think we all pretty much assumed that Dagwood’s porn preferences would include something delicious and edible, but even I didn’t anticipate anything quite this unsettlingly depraved.

Gil Thorp, 11/19/10

“Hey, don’t worry, beardy third-string coach nobody cares about! Coach Kaz’ll keep ’em focused! With my windswept hairdo and totally rad and extreme Ray-Ban sunglasses, these kids know I’m cool — and they’ll respect me because of it!”

Ziggy, 11/19/10

Wow, Ziggy sure is on a tear of stiffing waiters on tips. I’m not sure what ethnicity this guy is supposed to be so that we can make a culturally specific joke about how he’s going to assault Ziggy for his cheapness. Is he French? Do they serve meatloaf at French restaurants?

Shoe, 11/19/10

OH GOD DON’T THINK ABOUT WHY THE MORTICIAN IS A VULTURE DON’T THINK ABOUT IT